


The Lives and Deaths of Commander Shepard

by MosaicCreme



Series: The Lives and Deaths of Commander Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:45:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 189,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6320962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MosaicCreme/pseuds/MosaicCreme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The essence that is Commander Shepard has fought the battle against the Reapers more times than she can count, only to find herself right back where it all started. Never the exact same body, never the same first name or history. The disembodied voice struggles to break her way through to the consciousness of her current incarnation, trying to find a way to break her own cycle.<br/>(Brought over from FanFiction.net by an A03 user request!)</p><p>[Please Note: The story starts basically the same as the game but changes as you advance. It has a slow start, but if you stick with it you'll be rewarded.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Not Again. Oh Gods No, Please. Not Again.

_Garrus Vakarian by[hoxadrine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoxadrine/pseuds/hoxadrine), Post-Cerberus Commander Dawn Shepard by [BlastedKing](https://blastedking.tumblr.com/), and Thane Krios by [squiggly_squid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/squiggly_squid/pseuds/squiggly_squid). Images combined by squiggly_squid._

**Prologue: Not Again. Oh Gods No, Please. Not Again.**

            _My name is Commander Shepard. I’ve been called by many first names; I can’t even remember them all but that part always stays the same: Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy, Council Spectre. I don’t know how I got here, not really, even though I’ve lived through it countless times. Maybe Cerberus did something more to me when they brought me back from the dead the first time without even realizing it themselves. Hell, maybe Cerberus never did bring me back from the dead and this has all been some sort of fever dream in the last few moments of consciousness as my body floats off into space; the last feeble attempts of a fallible human mind trying desperately to hold onto life… any life. Maybe I am indoctrinated and this is just the Reapers’ way of beating me into submission._

_I never look the same, although I am always human. My voice stays the same… well except for the times I am man. That is always interesting… I don’t know where I am as I tell you this; I suppose I am wherever I go in the times in between. It’s so familiar yet somehow all so foreign. Nothing is as it seems. I had hoped… I had hoped so desperately that the last time was going to be the end that I wouldn’t wake up again. I’m so tired. So, very, very tired…_

*****

            Lean, well defined muscles bulged in tension as Dawn tossed in her bed. Her sleep is rarely peaceful, too many memories to haunt her dreams at night. Too much loss; too much blood on her hands. The blanket had been kicked off, abandoned to the floor sometime in the night and a pillow laid half way to joining the blanket, barely still balanced on the edge of the bed. The sheet had wrapped itself around her body like a serpent preparing to constrict. The cuff on her wrist suddenly sprung to life, the glow a harsh and demanding orange, it emitted a high pitched beep. _Not again. Oh gods no, please. Not again…_

            Dawn bolted upright in the bed, her palms splayed out behind her supporting her weight. Her violet eyes frantically darted about, seeking familiarity as the last vestiges of a nightmare faded from her mind. _Mindoir… always the same dream when I’m from Mindoir, so much death… Everything gone, everyone gone._ Taking a deep breath and pushing her sweaty hair back out of her face, Dawn slid her legs over the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, yeah, OK. I hear you. I’m awake,” she said to her omni-tool as she ran her fingers over the orange display, silencing the alarm.

            The cuff stopped glowing. Dawn cradled her face in her hands for a moment before running both hands through her unassuming, black, bob cut hair. Standing, she hit the glowing green button near the window before making some adjustments to it with her omni-tool. The opaque glass began to clear, letting in the faintest hints of streetlights and neon signs coming from the surrounding buildings. It was still dark outside, so she tapped the omni-tool again, stopping the window from clearing completely and instead leaving it only translucent. Stripping off her sweat soaked tank top she laid it on a counter before doing the same with her panties. In the bathroom she turned on a light, flinching from the sudden glare she adjusted the setting to dim.

            “Damn hotels, always the same. Think they need to have all the light settings turned up as far as they can go. Who wants to deal with that first thing in the morning?” Dawn said.

            Leaning forward over the sink she looked at herself closely in the mirror. She studied her face, finding it looked just the same as it did the night before. Silently she questioned herself as to why she would expect it might be different, wondering if she might be going insane. She is completely oblivious to the voice in her head that responds. _Because it IS different! It is always fucking different! You can’t hear me though, that never changes._ Pushing herself away from the counter, she turned to the shower and adjusted the temperature so that the room quickly filled with steam. _As hot as you can stand it, and then just a little hotter. That doesn’t change either._ Dawn stepped into the shower, the heat turning her pale skin an angry shade of red instantly. She hissed softly and then groaned as the tension in her neck and back began to ease.

*****

            “Excuse me? Can you tell me where the SSV Normandy SR-1 is docked?” Dawn, now dressed in her armor and armed to the teeth asked the Air Traffic Control Specialist behind the counter.

            The severe looking woman eyed her for a moment before waving her omni-tool in front of Dawn, scanning her. The omni-tool flashed and the ATC Specialist reviewed the information the orange screen supplied.

            “Commander Shepard, yes, one moment please. Captain Anderson has left orders for someone to escort you to the ship,” the ATC specialist said as she typed something into her computer.

            Nodding her head, Dawn stepped away from the desk and waited with her arms crossed in front of her. A disgruntled sigh escaped her lips, “Yep, that’s it. Commander Shepard. Shore leave is over. Goodbye Dawn, hello Commander Shepard.”

            A few minutes later a skycar settled down in front of her. The doors lifted up and out, opening to reveal an eager looking young man with olive skin and close cropped black hair. He rushed out of the skycar and around to Commander Shepard. His body rigid, his hand at his brow in salute and she was already bored. The markings on his uniform told her that he was a Petty Officer, Third Class and very low on her list of people she should give a shit about. Shepard nodded her head at the man, acknowledging his salute before climbing in to the vehicle. The man’s mouth snapped closed, he was just about to formally introduce himself but evidently the Commander did not have time for such formalities. Rushing back to the driver’s side, the man climbed in and pushed a few buttons on the console. The doors closed themselves and the vehicle lifted into the air.

Waving off the Petty Officer’s attempts to help her with her gear, Shepard stopped a moment to take in the sight of the SSV Normandy SR-1. A beautiful, sleek frigate; the Normandy was one of a kind designed by the cooperative effort of turian and human engineers. Of course, this made a lot of humans uneasy. Hell, it probably made a lot of turians uneasy. Even though the First Contact War was technically over thirty years ago, both species remained wary of one another. _But not me, never me, not really. Not once I meet Garrus… Oh Garrus, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry._ Shepard didn’t really care one way or another about alien-human politics, the way she saw it, assholes came in all shapes and sizes. Still, she knew enough about how easily things can go south if the wrong thing is said at the wrong time to make her just a little more careful when dealing with aliens. Okay, so maybe she still had some deeply held prejudice against batarians, but to be fair the four-eyed sons-of-bitches had killed – or worse, enslaved everyone she knew and loved on Mindoir when she was a child. If that Alliance patrol hadn’t showed up when they had, Shepard likely wouldn’t have made it out of that colony alive. That’s a hard thing to forgive and forget, but still, she was able to reign in her rage when her work called for her to interact with the hated species. Still, she was no diplomat and thank whatever gods for that.

She made her way to the dock and crossed over to the ship’s door, shrugging her shoulders and rolling her head around to loosen her muscles further while the ship’s decontamination activated. For some reason, today she found the computerized voice announcing “decontamination in progress” to be especially annoying. Maybe it was the hangover. Perhaps it was just knowing that she was back on the clock and hadn’t been given any real intel on what it was she was being called in to do. She hated that. _Always hated that._ Finally, the door slid open allowing Shepard to enter.

            Making her way into the ship, she stopped to salute when approached by Captain David Anderson. She was always fond of Anderson, the older man being one of the rare few people in the Alliance that she felt she had actually allowed herself to get to know on a personal level. She studied his face as they both held the salute far longer than actually necessary, a show of the profound respect they had for one another. His russet skin was beginning to crease around his eyes, and she was seeing a lightening to his deep brown hair. Anderson was the first to break, a grin spreading across his mouth as he dropped his hand and chuckled.

            “Get over here, Shepard. It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

            Shepard returned the grin and welcomed the man’s brief embrace when he pulled her in, patting him on the back.

            “I’ve been good, Anderson. You?” she asked.

            “Good. Good. Welcome aboard, I’ll show you around and get you briefed. Make the introductions,” he glanced back over his shoulder towards the cockpit, “Joker! Commander Shepard’s on board, get us out of here!”

            “Aye, aye, Captain,” a man’s voice said over the intercom system, presumably ‘Joker’.

            Putting a hand on Shepard’s arm, Anderson gestured to the walkway that led to the CIC. Men and women were lined on either side, seated at terminals facing away from her. She allowed Anderson to lead her, as they approached the CIC a few of the people stationed around the oblong ring looked up from their various consoles to salute as they passed. Shepard didn’t pay them much mind, nodding absently as she went. Hovering above their heads was the bluish-white holographic spread of the Milky Way on the galaxy map, accessible only to the Captain of the ship from the raised command platform. The walkway split as it circled around the ringed table, ending at a door with SR-1 written on either side. A partition stood behind the galaxy map with the ship’s name. Anderson led her to a middle aged man, mostly balding with just a horseshoe of gray hair cropped close around his head. She always found it interesting when a man’s facial hair kept its color long after the hair on his head faded.

            “Navigator Pressly,” Anderson said indicating the man and pausing long enough for salutes before moving Shepard along.

            He introduced her just as briefly to Dr. Chakwas and Corporal Jenkins as they passed the partition. Shepard couldn’t help but to smile, apparently he hadn’t forgotten her distaste for small talk with strangers. There would be time to get to know everyone later. Behind the partition was the door that led to the comm room. The other two doors both lead stairs that wrapped around to meet up in front of the elevator on the deck below. This deck held the captain’s cabin, the mess hall, med bay, sleeper pods, and the main battery. The elevator, so she soon learned on their brisk tour, lead down to engineering and storage, it also served as the garage for the M35 Mako.

            Shepard’s muscles began to tense when she spotted the turian Anderson called Nihlus Kryik for the third time. It seemed like he was following her around. _Nihlus, you son of a bitch. This is all your fault, it all started with you. You put my name forward as a Spectre candidate. I never would have been anywhere near that damn prothean beacon if it weren’t for you. Still… how much worse would things be if it were someone else’ name?_ She watched him warily out of the corner of her eye as she followed Anderson, Nihlus didn’t try to hide the fact that he was watching her. Maybe he was just interested in her history, in Akuze; everyone else seems to be.

Her eyes followed the turian with the sepia and white face paint, committing the pattern to memory. She didn’t know a lot about turians, but still probably more about them than any of the other alien races. She knew enough to know that the markings were representative of his family’s original colony. Turians still painted their metal fused faces with their colony crest even though the Unification War had effectively ended social and political segregation of the turians. She could use it, along with his name to learn more about him later.

            “We should be nearing the Mass Relay, why don’t you go introduce yourself to Joker and Alenko. I think Spectre Kryik is in there, too. You’ll want to see us hit the relay, don’t care how many times you’ve seen it before; it’s a wonder that never gets old. I’ll head to the debriefing room and when you’re done you can meet me there for the briefing,” Anderson said once they had reached the command deck again.

            “Spectre? Why have we got a Spectre aboard, I thought this was a shakedown?” Shepard asked with a raised brow.

            “I’ll explain it all in the briefing, Shepard,” Anderson said.

            Just then Joker’s voice came over the intercom, “The Arcturus Prime relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence.”

            Shepard nodded at Anderson, leaving him by the debriefing room door as she made her way towards the cockpit.

            “We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination,” continued Joker’s voice as Shepard moved around Navigator Pressly and towards the walkway.

“The relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector,” pausing between statements Joker continued, “All stations secure for transit. The board is green. Approach run has begun.”

Shepard stepped around a man with his back to her, putting a hand out towards him in apology as she maneuvered past him. The turian stood just between the pilot and copilot, his arms crossed over the chest of his red and black armor, looking out at the relay. _Nihlus…_ Shepard paused just behind him to watch as the ship barreled towards the enormous structure with its intimidatingly giant mass effect core and spinning rings. Just before it seemed certain that they would crash into the relay, Joker maneuvered the ship around so that it was moving parallel.

“Hitting the relay in three… two…,” a stream of mass energy shot out of the relay and caught a hold of the ship whipping it forward into space just as Joker said, “one.”

Shepard watched Nihlus as he commented on Joker’s flight skills and walked away to find Captain Anderson. As soon as he was gone, Joker and Alenko began discussing Nihlus – primarily Joker’s distaste for the Spectre. _Joker! It’s always good to see you! I’d die for you man, ha! Just wait, the punchline for that one will come later. And Kaidan… Lieutenant Alenko… I wonder which of you I’ll let die this time. I hope it’s that xenophobic bitch, Williams, and not you. Although, gods I hope I don’t have to suffer being in a relationship with you again. I’ve got to tell you, Kaidan, you are far too soft around the edges for me. I’ve never before met such an emotional man. I don’t know how I ever did it… twice. At least the second time I gave up on it after you went all superior asshole on me. The first time, though? Nope, I had to forgive and forget, got right back with you, didn’t I?_ Joker was right though, something else was going on here. It didn’t make any sense for a Spectre to be aboard for a simple shakedown run even if the council did help fund the ship’s creation and she said as much to the two men before Anderson broke through on the intercom requesting Shepard in the debriefing room.

Shepard entered the debriefing room and immediately tensed, Anderson wasn’t there but Nihlus was. He should have already been there. Cautiously, Shepard approached Nihlus. The Spectre turned when he heard her footsteps; she wasn’t sure why but this turian really made her uncomfortable. _Because it’s all his goddamn fault! You know shit is about to go south, you can feel it. You always feel it, and you know it starts here and now with this conversation. Yeah, yeah, OK, Nihlus isn’t a bad guy, I know but son-of-a-bitch if he isn’t about to open the floodgates and leave you to clean up the mess!_

“Commander Shepard. I was hoping you’d get here first. It will give us a chance to talk,” Nihlus said as he crossed his arms.

“The Captain said he’d meet me here,” she said, narrowing her eyes.

Nihlus nodded once and then began to pace, “He’s on his way. I’m interested in this world we’re going to; Eden Prime. I’ve heard it’s quite beautiful.”

“They say it’s a paradise,” Shepard responded simply, unwilling to give more than Nihlus did in the ‘talk’ they were having.

“Yes… a paradise. Serene. Tranquil. Safe. Eden Prime has become something of a symbol for your people, hasn’t it?” The Spectre came to a stop in front of Shepard once more, “Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the galaxy, but also protect them. But how safe is it, really?”

“Do you know something?” Shepard asked stepping towards the turian.

“Your people are still newcomers, Shepard. The galaxy can be a very dangerous place. Is the Alliance truly ready for this?” Nihlus asked.

Anderson finally entered, “I think it’s about time we told the commander what’s really going on.”

“This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run,” Nihlus spoke while closing the distance between Shepard and Anderson.

“I figured there was something you weren’t telling us,” she said looking at Anderson.

“We’re making a covert pick up on Eden Prime. That’s why we needed the stealth systems operational,” Anderson confided.

“There must be a reason you didn’t tell me about this, sir?” Shepard prodded.

“This comes down from the top, Commander. Information strictly on a need to know basis. A research team on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of beacon during an evacuation. It was prothean.”

“What else can you tell me?” Shepard asked.

“This is big, Shepard. The last time humanity made a discovery like this, it jumped our technology forward two hundred years. But Eden Prime doesn’t have the facilities to handle something like this. We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study,” Anderson stressed.

“Obviously this goes beyond mere human interests, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in Council space,” Nihlus spoke up.

“It never hurts to have a few extra hands on board,” Shepard said nodding to Nihlus, doing her best to play nice.

“The beacon’s not the only reason I’m here, Shepard,” Nihlus began.

“Nihlus wants to see you in action, Commander. He’s here to evaluate you,” said Anderson.

“Guess that explains why I bump into him every time I turn around,” Shepard quipped.

“The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council. The Spectres represent the Council’s power and authority. If they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come,” Anderson said putting a fist down into his open palm, showing how passionate he was about the topic.

“Not many could have survived what you went through on Akuze. You showed a remarkable will to live – a particularly useful talent. That’s why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Spectres,” the turian said.

“Why would a turian want a human in the Spectres?” Shepard asked, unease crept in as Nihlus spoke.

“Not all turians resent humanity. Some of us see the potential of your species. We see what you have to offer to the rest of the galaxy… and to the Spectres. We are an elite group. It’s rare to find an individual with the skills we seek. I don’t care that you’re human, Shepard. I only care that you can do the job,” Nihlus asserted.

“I assume this is good for the Alliance?” Shepard asked looking back to Anderson.

“Earth needs this, Shepard. We’re counting on you,” Anderson responded.

“I need to see your skills for myself, Commander. Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together,” Nihlus said, watching Shepard closely for her reaction.

_No, Nihlus, it won’t be._

“You’ll be in charge of the ground team. Secure the beacon and get it onto the ship ASAP. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission,” Anderson explained.

After a few more questions, digging for every scrap of information she could gather about the protheans, the beacon, and Eden Prime – which wasn’t much information at all to speak of – Shepard was ready to go. Before they could leave the room, Joker’s voice came through over the intercom telling Captain Anderson that there was a troubling transmission from Eden Prime. Anderson had Joker bring the video up for the three of them to watch. It showed a female human solider wearing white armor with pink accents yelling at whoever had the camera to get down. They were obviously in the middle of a battle; Shepard just couldn’t see what it was they were fighting. The images were too shaky; the camera appeared to be implanted in the visor of a soldier who was looking around the battle scene frantically. Shepard watched as his team mates died, calling for evac. She caught only glimpses of enemy movement but not enough to discern the nature of the attackers until the camera looked up towards the sky. The biggest ship Shepard had ever laid eyes on was descending on the area, she had never seen a design like it before, it appeared to have jointed legs like an insect spreading wide to capture prey. The video stopped in static. _Sovereign._

Anderson asked Joker to pause the video on the scene with the terrifyingly large ship before quickly giving orders to have Alenko and Jenkins suit up; the team would go in after Nihlus. They all gathered to receive final orders as Nihlus checked the thermal clip on his gun and jumped off the ship to scout ahead. Shepard bit back the obvious flaw in him going it alone, after all he was supposed to be there watching her. She was more than comfortable with the idea of working separate for now. Securing the beacon was top priority, helping any survivors found would take second.


	2. Chapter 1: The Dead Spectre

**Chapter 1: The Dead Spectre**

            Shepard led her team to the ground of Eden Prime, and after taking a moment to orientate herself she drew her pistol. Alenko and Jenkins followed her lead drawing weapons of their own. Jenkins, she had learned, was from Eden Prime and she knew that his knowledge of the place could prove useful. Movement further down the slope caught her attention, before her heart had beat twice she had assessed the odd, floating creatures as being insentient and unlikely to be a treat. She picked up the pace, stopping to glance around the area before wading through the foot deep standing water that the ‘gas bags’ – as she just heard Jenkin’s call them – were floating above. After a quick jot down the opposite side, just to make sure that there was nothing hiding around the corner; Shepard went up the narrow pass between rock formations and then put a fist in the air to halt her team. Her eyes scanned the area ahead, seeing nothing of concern she gave the go ahead. Almost immediately Jenkins was shot down, the laser pulses cutting right through his weak armor.

            Shepard dove for cover, ordering Alenko to do the same. She didn’t take the time to worry about Jenkins, or curse herself for not detecting the threat. Peeking out of cover to see mechanical drones of some sort flying through the air she activated an Overload and ordered Alenko to use a biotic Throw. The drones fell swiftly, and Shepard moved to check on Jenkins. He was dead. Nothing to do for him now, they’d take him back to the ship after they secured the beacon. _Sorry kid._ The two continued forward, not getting very far before more drones appeared. These were dealt with easy enough, the gas bags floating around the area were a bit distracting with bullets flying around but Shepard was more than skillful enough to avoid shooting the strange creatures. _This time, that’s me, by the way, you’re welcome. You get a little better, a little more skilled every time. Maybe if I can make you good enough, you can make this all finally end._

            Pushing forward, Shepard heard more gunfire just before spotting someone in white armor shooting at drones. Shepard picked up the speed as she rushed into the fray, shooting at the bipedal mechs that rounded the bend. They weren’t like the mechs she was used to seeing. _Not mechs, geth._ They moved differently, too, more cautiously and taking cover. She’d never seen a mech take cover. Taking cover near the armored woman, Shepard didn’t pause to speak, taking aim and firing on the mechs.

            The mechs didn’t go down quite as easily as the damn drones did, but they sure did make easier targets. Alenko gave the all clear and Shepard turned to look at the woman who’d left cover and put her gun away. Shepard got a closer look at her armor, the same incredibly ugly white armor with pink accents she’d seen in the video feed back on the Normandy. _Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams aka Xenophobic Bitch._ The woman snapped a salute as Shepard approached.

            “Thanks for your help, Commander. I didn’t think I was going to make it. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the two twelve. You the one in charge here, ma’am?” Williams asked.

            Shepard ignored the obvious and instead asked if the woman was injured. Williams assured Shepard that it was nothing serious before going into the details of the attack. She had lost her whole team to the attack and seemed a little shaken. Shepard was no stranger to losing her whole team, even if this was incomparable to Akuze. She was sure that Williams was feeling the loss so gave her a moment to work through it before she started asking questions.

            “Any idea what kind of enemy we’re facing?” Shepard finally asked.

            “I think they’re geth,” Williams responded without hesitation.

            “The geth haven’t been seen outside of the Veil in nearly two-hundred years. Why are they here now?” Alenko spoke up.

            Williams responded with a shrug, “They must have come for the beacon. The dig site is close, just over that rise. It might still be there.”

            “We could use your help, Williams,” Shepard asked looking off in the direction Williams pointed.

            “Aye, aye, ma’am. It’s time for payback,” the Gunnery Chief said.

            “Move out,” was Shepard’s only response.

            Shepard kept an eye on Williams as they moved towards the dig site. She was an unknown quantity and the parameters had already changed with this mission too many times for her comfort. _Williams is a good soldier; you can trust her on the field._ Nihlus was still checking in over the comm, but she hadn’t caught sight of him since he left the ship and that was making her uneasy. Was he actually scouting ahead or was he up on a cliff somewhere watching her get shot at like some creepy stalker; there was no way for her to know and she had to stay focused. Moving down a trail off to the side, Shepard spotted what must be the dig site up ahead. She could see the metal structures set up around the area to protect the site and offer support for the digging. _There are geth ahead._ If the geth were here for the beacon, the site might be occupied. Staying low, Shepard moved her team from cover to cover behind the jagged pieces of rock that littered the area. Sure enough, there were geth patrolling the site and one of them caught sight of her team.

            Ducking back down, Shepard inched her way to the edge of the rock she had her back to and peered around the corner; giving swift orders to Alenko to use his Sabotage while she lined up an Overload. She marked a target for Williams, not yet really knowing what the woman could do. It seemed the three of them worked rather well together and the geth went down much faster with the coordinated effort. Shepard creeped out from behind the rock, edging along the path staying near to cover until she was able to see into the dig site. Giving the all clear, she stood and looked around the area. She didn’t see any type of beacon, turning at the waist she looked back at Williams with a raised eyebrow.

Williams stepped over and looked over the area, “This is the dig site. The beacon was right here. It must have been moved.”

Shepard weighed the words and expression of the other woman, gauging her for any hint of deceit and found none. Williams suggested that they check out the research camp. Shepard couldn’t find fault in the idea so gave the order to move out.

“Change of plans, Shepard. There’s a small spaceport up ahead. I want to check it out. I’ll wait for you there,” Nihlus’ voice came over the comm.

Shepard led her team up towards the ridge where Williams said the research camp was. Before they crested the ridge, the smell of smoke reached Shepard’s nose. Soon, they saw flames consuming a prefab module, if there had been anyone in that building they were dead now. As they got closer to the area, Shepard saw something that gave even her pause. Metal spikes on a tripod formation jutted into the air. Impaled on each spike was what appeared to be burned human corpses but there was something else, blue lights coming from their skin… she couldn’t quite make it out but she continued to move forward with caution. _Dragon Teeth, and they aren’t human. Not anymore._ As the team approached, the spikes began to drop one by one. The bodies freed, began to move, climbing down from the tripod structures and zeroing in on Shepard and her team. Their movements seemed dazed, erratic – mindless.

Shepard fired a warning shot into the dirt near one of the… the… what the hell were these things? _Husks._ It only seemed to encourage the not-human monster as it locked on and ran straight at her. She fired more shots, but it just kept running like the damn thing couldn’t even feel the bullets ripping through its flesh. _Get back, don’t let it close on you!_ Shepard moved back, keeping her gun trained on the creature, firing shot after shot until it finally fell. They were making the most unnerving noise she had ever heard, it made her skin crawl. _Wait ‘til you hear the siren of a Reaper, or worse, a Banshee’s scream._ Shepard shuddered as she turned to shoot at one of the creatures that had jumped onto Alenko, its knees locked onto his hips and its hands on his shoulders. She saw it move its head down towards Alenko’s face; it almost looked like it was trying to bite the man. Her pistol rang out twice before the creature fell to the ground dead. She turned in time to see one close on Williams. Shepard shot at the creature. It stopped a few feet from Williams and threw its head back, arms out wide. It made that terrible sound, almost like a wailing roar and something like blue electricity began to arc over its body. Williams was knocked back from the small explosion, and the creature seemed to liquefy falling to a puddle on the ground. Williams confirmed that her shields were down, but the threat was over, for now.

Shepard moved to the body of the first one. Looking at it, there was no doubt that this thing was once human. She didn’t know what had been done to it, but she felt no guilt for killing it. She was certain it had stopped being human, or even alive as far as she was concerned, long before she shot it down.

“I saw the geth putting people on these spikes, they were just people! What the hell did they do to them?” Williams asked the disgust evident in her tone.

“I don’t know, but we have to keep moving. Nihlus is waiting for us at the spaceport. Let’s check these buildings for survivors and then get to Nihlus,” Shepard said.

“Aye, aye, ma’am,” came Williams’ voice.

“Yes, Commander,” was Alenko’s reply.

The first building she went to was empty except for some lockers and cots. Moving to the second door, she found the door locked. Opening her omni-tool she held her hand out towards the lock and began the bypass. Once the door was opened she peered inside, spotting two survivors cowering at the far side of the room. They appeared unharmed, but terrified. Shepard put her pistol away, hoping not to alarm them further before stepping into the prefab room. Realizing that Shepard was human, the two survivors moved towards her.

“Humans, thank the Maker!” The woman said, wringing her hands.

“Hurry! Close the door! Before they come back!” the man spoke in a rushed, whispering voice.

Something seemed off with him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll protect you,” Shepard said trying to keep him calm and reassure them both.

“Thank you, I think we’ll be okay now. It looks like everyone’s gone,” the woman said.

“You’re Dr. Warren, the one in charge of the excavation. Do you know what happened to the beacon?” Williams asked the woman.

“It was moved to the spaceport this morning. Manuel and I stayed behind to help pack up the camp,” she said indicating the man standing hunched over next to her.

Shepard eyed the man warily; something was really not right with him. _He’s gone mad. Indoctrinated maybe or maybe the beacon showed him something. Last time you shot him like a rabid dog._

“When the attack came, the marines held them off long enough for us to hide. They gave their lives to save us,” Dr. Warren continued.

“No one is saved. The age of humanity is ended. Soon, only ruin and corpses will remain,” Manuel rambled.

Shepard paused only a moment, thinking it best to ignore the man for now and focus on what information she could get out of the clearly more stable woman.

“What else can you tell me about the attack?” Shepard asked.

“It all happened so fast. One second we were gathering up our equipment, the next we were hiding in the shed while the geth swarmed over the camp,” the doctor said, shaking her head in confusion.

“Agents of the destroyers. Bringers of darkness. Heralds of our extinction,” Manuel said.

Manuel pushed at his head with a fist. Dr. Warren continued on without comment to Manuel’s bizarre statements so Shepard left it alone for now, keeping an eye on the man.

 “We could hear the battle outside. Gunfire. Screams. I thought it would never end. Then, everything went quiet. We just sat there, too afraid to move. Until you came along,” Dr. Warren said.

“Can you tell me anything about the beacon?” Shepard asked.

“It’s some type of data module from a galaxy wide communications network. Remarkably well preserved. It could be the greatest scientific discovery of our lifetime! Miraculous new technologies, groundbreaking medical advancements. Who knows what secrets are locked inside?” Dr. Warren said.

“We have unearthed the heart of evil. Awakened the beast. Unleashed the darkness,” Manuel spoke sounding increasingly agitated.

Shepard casually rested her hand on the butt of her pistol; this man was making her seriously uncomfortable. What the hell was he on about? Noting the Commander’s movements, and perhaps fearing what they might mean for her colleague if she couldn’t calm him down Dr. Warren tried to quiet Manuel.

“Manuel! Please! This isn’t the time,” she said.

Shepard really wanted to move this along but she needed to ask about Nihlus, something about the turian still wasn’t sitting right with her, “Did you notice a turian in the area?”

“I saw him. The prophet. Leader of the enemy. He was here, before the attack,” Manuel responded.

Alenko spoke up, “That’s impossible. Nihlus was with us on the Normandy before the attack. He couldn’t have been here.”

“I’m sorry. Manuel’s still a bit… unsettled. We haven’t seen your turian. We’ve been hiding here since the attack,” Dr. Warren said.

Finally, Shepard had had enough of the mad man’s ramblings, “What’s wrong with your assistant?”

“Manuel has a brilliant mind but he’s always been a bit… unstable. Genius and madness are two sides of the same coin,” Dr. Warren tried to explain.

“Is it madness to see the future? To see the destruction rushing towards us? To understand there is no escape? No hope? No, I am not mad. I’m the only sane one left!” Manuel’s voice became more fevered, rising in pitch.

“I gave him an extra dose of his meds after the attack,” said Dr. Warren, clearly trying to reassure the uneasy Commander.

Shepard seriously contemplated shooting the man for a moment, he had completely lost it and she feared he might become violent with Dr. Warren when they left. Still, the woman seemed use to his insanity and seemed to know how to control him, or at least keep him on a short leash. Perhaps he can keep it together long enough for evac.

“Williams, take us to the spaceport,” Shepard said turning to the Gunnery Chief.

“You can’t stop it. Nobody can stop it. Night is falling. The darkness of eternity,” Manuel seemed to almost whine.

“Hush, Manuel. Go lie down. You’ll feel better once the medication kicks in,” Dr. Warren ordered.

Leaving the insane man and his caretaker behind, Shepard stepped back outside and let a low whistle escape her lips. She shared a meaningful look with Alenko and Williams; both seemed just as on edge over the man’s behavior as she was.

“Any idea what the hell that man was talking about?” Shepard asked her team.

“It sounded like he is expecting some sort of apocalypse. I mean, I get it, whatever those damn things are running around, the geth, and that ship falling down on the place! Honestly, if it weren’t for my training, I think I might be just as far gone as he is after seeing that thing. And that noise it made. I think that noise could mess anyone’s brain up,” Williams said clearly still processing the attack herself.

“I’m more curious to know what turian he was talking about. I mean, yeah, sure, the man is obviously insane but what if he really did see another turian? We know it couldn’t have been Nihlus, but it sounded like he really did see someone and whoever that was might be responsible for whatever is going on here,” Alenko added.

“I don’t like this,” Shepard said drawing her pistol once more and keeping it pointed at the ground. “Let’s get to that spaceport, get that beacon and get back to the Normandy. Anderson needs to know about all of this ASAP.”

They’d only taken a few steps when they heard a gunshot ring out from the direction of the spaceport. Shepard picked up speed, breaking into a run with Alenko and Williams following her lead. They rounded a corner and saw the spaceport just down the rise, geth started shooting at them as soon as they were in view and more of those… husks, yes, she decided that’s what they were. Empty shells, no longer human. More of those husks dropped down from their spikes and started running up the hill towards her team. In front of them sat another prefab and several large rocks. Shepard quickly dove for cover, taking out the husks first since they were far more aggressive than the geth and closing distance fast. She ordered Williams to use the Overkill technique she’d seen her use earlier and gave Alenko the go ahead for Throw, switching between her biotics, tech, and pistol herself. After the husks were down, they turned their attention to the geth taking them out with speed and efficiency.

The spaceport was right there, but she couldn’t overlook the prefab standing in front of her. Yeah, Anderson had said that survivors were secondary but Nihlus was a Spectre, surely he was able to handle himself long enough for her to secure that building. She jogged over to the prefab and began to bypass the door when it opened and a woman and two men stepped outside. Shepard didn’t spare much time talking to them, just assured them that it was clear and that they were safe where they were for now.

Just as she was about to go, the two men started bickering about whether or not to give her something. This caught Shepard’s attention so she prodded the man the others called Cole, turns out they’d been moving packages for smugglers and when the attack happened they decided to look in the packages. They’d found a pistol, and after Shepard reminded them that her team was risking their lives to save the colony, Cole offered up a combat scanner as well. He didn’t want to reveal the name of his contact when Williams asked, insisting he wasn’t a bad guy. Shepard didn’t want to push the issue; she had far more important things to worry about.

Running down the hill, she quickly scouted the area to make sure that there was no ambush waiting. Given the all clear, her team made their way up a small set of stairs. Nihlus lay at the top, in a pool of his own blue blood. He had been shot in the back.

“Damn it!” Shepard swore.

Movement from behind some nearby crates drew their attention away from the dead Spectre. Guns raised, they ordered whoever it was to come out. A man showed himself, his hands rose to show he was unarmed. Shepard told him he could have gotten himself shot, sneaking around like that. The man apologized and explained that he had been hiding behind the crates when the attacks happened. Apparently, he frequently hid back there to sleep on the job and just got lucky this time. He said he saw everything that had happened though, including what had happened to Nihlus.

“The other one got here first. He was waiting when your friend showed up. He called him Saren. I think they knew each other,” the man named Powell said; scratching his head. “Your friend seemed to relax. He let his guard down… and Saren killed him. Shot him right in the back. I’m just lucky he didn’t see me behind the crates.”

“Where did Saren go after he killed Nihlus?” Shepard asked.

“He jumped on that cargo train and headed over to the other platform. Probably going after the beacon,” he said pointing to the cargo train. “I knew that beacon was trouble. Everything’s gone to hell since we found it. First that damn mother ship showed up. Then the attack. They killed everyone. Everyone! If I hadn’t been behind the crates I’d be dead, too!”

Shepard sent the man on his way, telling him where the other survivors were located so he could join up with them to wait for evac. She turned to head to the cargo train when they were set upon by more geth. Already understanding their tactics and weaknesses, Shepard moved into cover. The geth were down in less than two minutes, even the larger ones with rocket launchers. _You’re welcome._ She rushed her team to the train and they took it across to the other platform. The combat scanner Cole had given her alerted her to the presence of several enemies in the area, and as soon as they stepped off of the train they saw a bomb right next to the train dock.

Immediately, Shepard bent down and scanned the bomb, her omni-tool informed her that there were four bombs in the area and that they had five minutes until detonation. Working fast and trusting her team to cover her back she disabled the first bomb. Shepard rushed through the area, dodging geth when she could, shooting them down when she couldn’t. Her focus was finding the bombs and disabling them as quickly as she could. Williams and Alenko would have to deal with the geth. She went straight to the next bomb, not questioning how she knew that was where it would be. She crouched down low to disable the bomb while shots were being fired around her. Alenko and Williams kept the geth back, and she was in a recessed area so she was provided some cover.

As soon as that one was disarmed, she rose and charged, swerving past a geth before turning to fling an Overload at it as she went. Alenko and Williams weren’t far behind her and soon the geth in that area were preoccupied by her team. She saw two geth blocking the recess where she knew the next bomb would be, so she ducked down behind a support beam and fired off a few shots. As soon as those geth were down she charged for the recess, again relying on the small space to provide her some modicum of cover as her team dealt with the enemy. With the third bomb disarmed she began to move out of the recess only to have to dive back behind it, there were several geth close and closing on her location. Quickly she used an Overload on them while having Alenko use his Throw to knock them back out of her way. Once they were down from the Throw, she charged past them even as they were regaining there footing.

She ducked behind a crate and took a sniper shot to her back. Quickly she hit her omni-tool, causing Medi-gel to be released into her suit before diving back out from behind the crate and over to the final bomb. She spared a second to order her team to her location before crouching down next to the bomb. Glancing at the countdown just before it was finished; she had accomplished disarming all the bombs in one minute and twenty seconds. _Don’t get smug, the first several times you did this you were stumbling around getting shot and searching in a near panic all over the place for the last bomb, nearly got yourself, your team, hell the whole damn colony blown up. There was only seconds to spare._

Heading down a ramp, she could see what must be the beacon. It was green, glowing pillar of sorts. Checking her scanner she picked up hostiles in the area so she put her back to a metal sheet along the ramps railing and looked around the corner. More geth and husks, though just a handful. They had them down quick. Shepard moved down off the ramp and after securing the area approached the prothean beacon. _No, don’t! Stay away from it, get back. Get back. Get back. Just don’t, leave it the fuck alone. Leave it and maybe this shit will end._ She didn’t get too close to it, whatever it was it made her feel uneasy. She stepped back away and radioed the Normandy with their location for a pick up. Williams came over and started to talk to her but she saw Alenko getting closer to the beacon. She was just about to call out to him to tell him to keep his distance until they knew what exactly that thing was when the beacon started glowing brighter. Alenko seemed to be struggling, as if something was pulling him towards the beacon. Shepard shoved Williams out of the way and ran towards Alenko, grabbing the man and flinging him away from the beacon. It saved him, but now whatever it was had her. She could feel herself being pulled towards the device and lifted off of her feet.

She heard Alenko call out to her just before her head suddenly felt like it might explode. Images started pouring into her brain of death and destruction. Red hued pictures, as if viewed through blood smeared eyes, flashed before her too rapidly to follow closely. There was some kind of aliens, something she had never seen before being slaughtered in genocide by some sort of synthetics. Images of computer chips and other tech being implanted into flesh. It was too much, her mind couldn’t handle it; she felt herself being violently thrown back and when she hit the ground she was out.

_Damn it…_

            Shepard could hear movement as consciousness slowly crept back to her, she blinked her eyes and everything appeared fuzzy. She let her eyes drop closed again for a second and started shifting her weight to sit up. She blinked a few more times and her vision cleared as she set up.

            “Doctor? Dr. Chakwas? I think she’s waking up,” She heard Alenko say.

Shepard pushed herself to the edge of the bed, letting her legs dangle down over the side and put her face in her palms, her elbows resting on her knees. Looking around she realized she was back on the Normandy and in the med bay. Dr. Chakwas walked around the bed to stand in front of Shepard.

            “You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?” The doctor asked while watching Shepard closely.

            “Like the morning after shore leave. How long was I out?” Shepard groaned, in between rubbing her temple and pinching the bridge of her nose.

            “About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think,” Dr. Chakwas said.

            Alenko jumped in quick, “It’s my fault. I must have triggered some kind of energy field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way.”

            _When I’m a man, it’s always Ashley that triggers the beacon. She always says pretty much the same thing when I wake up._

            “You had no way to know that would happen,” Shepard said shaking her head slowly at Alenko’s words.

            “Actually, we don’t even know if that’s what set it off. Unfortunately, we’ll never get the chance to find out,” the doctor said.

            “The beacon exploded. A system overload, maybe. The blast knocked you cold. Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship,” Alenko said walking around to stand next to Dr. Chakwas.

            “I appreciate it,” she said to Alenko.

            “Physically, you’re fine. But I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming,” Dr. Chakwas paused, watching Shepard.

            “I saw… I’m not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing’s really clear,” Shepard said haltingly.

            “Hmmm. I better add this to my report. It may – Oh, Captain Anderson,” Dr. Chakwas said as Captain Anderson entered the med bay.

            Shepard stopped paying close attention to the conversation as Anderson was filled in on her condition by the doctor. It was only after Dr. Chakwas and Alenko left the med bay that Shepard realized Anderson had asked to speak to her privately. She still wasn’t feeling too steady on her feet, and her head was pounding. They talked for a few minutes about the deaths of Nihlus and Jenkins and of Williams joining the crew before Shepard finally brought up the thing they were both dancing around.

            “Intel dropped the ball, sir. We had no idea what we were walking into down there. That’s why things went to hell,” Shepard was seething but did her best to reign it in, she knew it wasn’t Anderson’s fault.

            “The geth haven’t been outside the Veil in two centuries, Commander. Nobody could have predicted this,” Anderson said.

            She knew he was right, but goddamn it she was pissed and she needed someone to blame for this mission going to shit.

            “I won’t lie to you, Shepard. Things look bad. Nihlus is dead. The beacon was destroyed and geth are invading. The Council’s going to want answers,” Anderson laid out the facts to Shepard.

            “I didn’t do anything wrong, Captain. Hopefully, the Council can see that,” Shepard said.

            “I’ll stand by you and your report, Shepard. You’re a damned hero in my books. That’s not why I’m here. It’s Saren, that other turian. Saren’s a Spectre, one of the best. A living legend. But if he’s working with the geth, it means he’s gone rogue. A rogue Spectre’s trouble. Saren’s dangerous, and he hates humans,” Anderson said, furrowing his brow.

            “Why?” she asked.

            “He thinks we’re growing too fast, taking over the galaxy. A lot of aliens think that way. Most of them don’t do anything about it. But Saren has allied himself with the geth. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I only know it had something to do with that beacon. You were there just before the beacon self-destructed. Did you see anything? Any clue that might tell us what Saren was after?” Anderson went on.

            Shepard leaned back against the bed, “Just before I lost consciousness, I had some kind of vision.”

            “A vision? A vision of what?” He sounded skeptical as he paced a couple of steps before turning back to look at Shepard.

            “I saw synthetics. Geth maybe,” Shepard shrugged. “Slaughtering people. Butchering them.”

            “We need to report this to the Council, Shepard,” Anderson said.

            Shepard scoffed, “What are we going to tell them? I had a bad dream?”

            “We don’t know what information was stored in that beacon. Lost prothean technology? Blueprints for some ancient weapon of mass destruction? Whatever it was, Saren took it. But I know Saren. I know his reputation, his politics. He believes humans are a blight on the galaxy. This attack was an act of war! He has the secrets from the beacon. He has an army of geth at his command. And he won’t stop until he’s wiped humanity from the face of the galaxy!” Anderson lectured.

            “I’ll find some way to take him down,” Shepard said looking at the floor between herself and Anderson and feeling for all her efforts she had disappointed the man.

            “It’s not that easy. He’s a Spectre. He can go anywhere, do almost anything. That’s why we need the Council on our side,” Anderson explained.

            “We prove Saren’s gone rogue and the Council will revoke his Spectre status,” Shepard suggested, making herself sound far more confident than she felt.

            “I’ll contact the ambassador and see if he can get us an audience with the Council. He’ll want to see us as soon as we reach the Citadel. We should be getting close. Head up to the bridge and tell Joker to bring us in to dock,” Anderson ordered before turning and leaving the med bay.

            With Anderson gone, Shepard stood alone in the med bay for a few minutes pulling herself together. She turned towards the bed and laid her palms out on the firm mattress, leaning forward she stared at the pristine white sheet rumbled from where she’d been. Shepard let her mind wander. _They’re not going to believe you, no matter what you say. It won’t be easy, but you’ll find the evidence they need. You’ll take him down, I always do. Pull it together; I can feel you falling apart inside. Stop it, goddamn it, Shepard. Stop it. You’re stronger than this. I AM STRONGER THAN THIS. I will figure out a way to make this stop, I swear. Oh gods, why can’t you hear me? This would all be over with by now if you could just hear me!_ Shepard looked up and around the room; she could have sworn she just heard someone say her name. The room was empty though. She knew that she wouldn’t have been able to hear anyone talking outside the room unless they were screaming or talking on the intercom. She looked out the window at the mess area. Everything was calm out there. She shook her head – which she instantly regretted, chalking it up to being spooked over the beacon.

            Shepard ran a finger across the scar on her cheek beneath her right eye. She took a deep breath and then let it rush out of her, strands of her hair being blown about as she did. She pushed herself away from the bed and left the med bay. As soon as she was in the mess hall, Alenko approached her telling her how glad he was to see that she was okay. She talked with him for a moment about everything that was happening, and the loss of Jenkins. She explained that Anderson wanted to have her speak with the Council when he asked why they were headed to the Citadel. He seemed like a really nice guy, she thought. _No! No, no, no. Just don’t. Don’t even go there. Please._ She glanced over her shoulder and saw Williams standing nearby. She excused herself from Alenko and approached Williams. She spent a minute or two assuring Williams that she was glad to have her aboard and that she had been a big help on Eden Prime before heading to the cockpit.


	3. Chapter 2: Why Do I Even Bother?

**Chapter 2: Why Do I Even Bother?**

            “This is an outrage! The Council would step in if the geth attacked a turian colony!” the ambassador raised his voice to the holographic projections of the Council.

            “The turians don’t found colonies on the borders of the Terminus Systems, Ambassador,” the salarian councilor, Valern said.

            “Humanity was well aware of the risks when you went into the Traverse,” Tevos, the asari councilor said.

            “What about Saren? You can’t just ignore a rogue Spectre. I demand action!” Udina, the human ambassador insisted.

            Sparatus, the turian councilor admonished Udina, “You don’t get to make demands of the Council, Ambassador.”

            “Citadel security is investigating your charges against Saren. We will discuss the C-Sec findings at the hearing. Not before,” Tevos asserted.

            Shepard leaned against the low wall of the balcony in Ambassador Udina’s office. She’d just met the man, and already she couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him. He was loud, rude, and arrogant. His face seemed permanently twisted into a scowl. How had this man been chosen to represent all of humanity for the galactic Council? _Good, don’t trust Udina. Never trust Udina._ When the councilors were done talking and the comm went dark, Udina walked over to where she was standing with Williams, Alenko, and Captain Anderson. This wasn’t exactly how she had hoped her first visit to the Citadel would go, but that was how life went when you were N7. Shepard listened idly as the ambassador made snide comments about her and her team’s presence. She took some small satisfaction from knowing that by just being there, she was getting under the man’s skin. She glanced over her shoulder at Alenko who was subtly shaking his head in disbelief, over the Council’s brushoff or the ambassador’s personality she wasn’t sure. Williams seemed equally displeased, only less subtle.

            “They were not happy about it. Saren’s their top agent. They don’t like him being accused of treason,” Udina said.

            Shepard finally spoke up, “Saren’s a threat to every human colony out there. He needs to be stopped. The Council has to listen to us!”

            “Settle down, Commander. You’ve already done more than enough to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres,” Udina chastised. “The mission on Eden Prime was a chance for you to prove you could get the job done. Instead, Nihlus ended up dead and the beacon was destroyed!”

            Oh, now she really didn’t like the man. If she wasn’t sure he’d press charges she’d lay him out cold. Who the hell does he think he is? Ambassador or not, he was way out of line.

            “That’s Saren’s fault, not hers!” Anderson came to Shepard’s defense.

            “Then we better hope the C-Sec investigation turns up evidence to support our accusations. Otherwise the Council might use this as an excuse to keep you out of the Spectres,” He said looking from Anderson to Shepard and then back again. “Come with me, Captain. I want to go over a few things before the hearing. Shepard, you and the others can meet us at the Citadel Tower. Top level. I’ll make sure you have the clearance to get in.”

            The two men left the ambassador’s office. She had some time to kill before the meeting, so she decided she might as well take in the sights. Leaving Udina’s office she swung right and entered another office. She found it occupied by two elcor and a volus, the elcor were discussing something about someone called the Consort sharing sensitive information. Shepard had yet to spend any real time around the elcor, she thought they were really rather fascinating. They kind of reminded her of small Earth elephants without the big ears and if the elephant had been born with a deformed trunk. She’d never actually seen an elephant, of course, they didn’t even exist anymore she didn’t think but she had seen the pictures. She didn’t wish to interrupt their conversation so she stood patiently nearby, trying to look as if she were focused on the office itself as opposed to listening to the conversation. Humans considered eavesdropping to be rude, Shepard wasn’t sure if the other races felt the same way but in her line of work she had learned to listen in when she could. People gave away a lot of information when they didn’t think anyone else was paying attention.

 The elcor behind the desk acknowledged her in the unique way that elcor do, telling her what he was feeling as he spoke in a monotone voice making him sound far more bored than pleased to see her. Still, Shepard wasn’t so easily deterred; she approached the desk and spoke to the elcor who identified himself – herself? – as Ambassador Calyn. She had absolutely no idea how to tell a male and female elcor apart, but this one at least had a deep masculine voice. Did that mean the elcor was a male? Did it really matter? She wanted to talk to him, not sleep with him.

            Shepard asked him about the elcor people, seeking out information about their history and culture. Ambassador Calyn expressed enthusiasm over the idea of sharing information with her, and told her about how the asari had first made contact with the elcor shortly after they had begun exploring space. This opened the door for the elcor to establish themselves as a species with an ambassador on the Citadel, even if they weren’t on the official Council. The volus nearby, Calyn called him Din, complained a lot over the fact that Calyn was speaking with Shepard and expressed a more than obvious distaste for humans in general. Shepard did her best to ignore Din’s comments, instead focusing her attention on Calyn as he explained the political system of the elcor. Eventually, she gave in to her curiosity and asked Calyn about the way the elcor always stated an emotion before speaking. She hoped he understood it was simply curiosity born of ignorance and she wasn’t committing some sort of faux pas. Calyn explained that the elcor communicated with each other more through scent and slight movements, but after interacting with other species they discovered that something more was needed for others to understand the emotional context of what they said. Shepard had to admit that it was impressive that they had found such a straightforward way to adapt to interspecies relationships; it was very accommodating of them.

            Tired of Din’s rude interjections, Shepard turned to the volus. She wondered if she were to push the squat, rounded volus over if he would be able to right himself again. Volus required full body suits and respirators, at least when not on their planet, maybe on their planet, too. She’d have to look into that later, maybe she could find a picture of what they look like without their suits on the extranet. Though, on second thought, that particular search might lead to some uncomfortable images that she would really rather not see. Their faces were completely covered, bright rounded lights pointed to where their eyes were, and a rounded vent that lit up when they spoke was the only indication of where a mouth would be.

            He eventually identified himself as Ambassador Din Korlack but only after receiving a “chastising rebuke” from Calyn. Din didn’t even attempt to hide his disgust for the “Earth-clan” as he kept calling her. Barely suppressing a smirk, Shepard asked Din Korlack all the same questions she had asked Calyn about his people. Din made sure to point out how he had to share an office with the elcor ambassador while the human ambassador had his own office, even though both his and Calyn’s species had been on the Citadel far longer than humans. The little football really had a chip on his shoulder. Still, he talked to her anyway, probably because as an ambassador it would be unacceptable to blatantly refuse to answer her questions about his people for no other reason than his own personal prejudice.

            When Shepard had grown bored with antagonizing the volus with her questions, she left the office and headed down the stairs, back out onto the Presidium. She noted the holographic asari display just outside of the embassies but decided not to bother with it; she’d find her way around on her own. _And you already know where everything is, you remember, even if you don’t realize it. You haven’t had to use Avina to guide you since, I don’t know the tenth or so time. Just like you aren’t heading straight for the tower now because you know that there are other things to be done before you get there, other people to help, more information to gather. You almost always stop to help; you always stop to ask questions. It’s who we are._

            She made her way up the stairs on the other side of the embassies. She stopped when she say a door marked ‘Citadel Security Executor Pallin’, she was determined to find out what C-Sec had learned about Saren and figured it was a good place to start. The turian behind the desk greeted her by name; apparently the news of her presence on the Citadel had already gotten around. He’d probably accessed her file as soon as he got the case on Saren. He wasn’t pleased that she was in his office, asking questions about the investigation and refused to give her any information about the ongoing investigation. Like Din, the executor didn’t seem to be too fond of humans. This was just fantastic, she had been tasked by her Captain to take down a rogue Spectre but she was going to have to wade through three feet of racist bullshit at every turn in order to get whatever scraps of intel she could. At least the executor did admit that he thought Saren was corrupt, even if it seemed he thought all Spectres were to some extent. Still, there was some hope in that. If the executor already believed in Saren’s guilt, he might just be willing to keep digging until he had the proof.

            Shepard left the executor’s office annoyed by the turian’s attitude. The other door in this area led to a lounge, there was a bar and several tables filled with various species. Some appeared to be relaxing with friends while others brought their work with them. After hearing more people talk about this asari Consort, Shepard decided that the woman must be significant and decided to see what all the fuss was about. From the chatter she was hearing, she sounded to Shepard to be an overpriced prostitute, even if some people swore that all they did was talk to her. Shepard knew though, that when people are in awe of someone, they’ll go to great lengths to impress that person and even tell them things that they wouldn’t otherwise tell anyone else. Perhaps she could get some information from this Consort.

            “I want to meet this Consort; it sounds like she has half the Citadel in her thrall. She might be able to tell us something,” Shepard said to Alenko and Williams.

            “That elcor was saying that she shared his private information, we might need to bribe her but it doesn’t sound like it should be too hard. If you’re sure that’s what you want to do, Commander,” Alenko said.

            “The Lieutenant is right, it probably won’t help our case any if reports get back to the Council that you went to see the Consort to bribe her for information before the meeting,” Williams added.

            “We’re not going to bribe her, we’re going to ask nicely and if she doesn’t want to cooperate we walk. Simple,” explained Shepard.

It didn’t take her long to find the Consort’s office. She was stopped at the door by an asari hostess who insisted that she needed an appointment to see the Consort and that the next available appointment would be at least three months away. That’s insane, Shepard thought. Who the hell would wait around for three months to see this woman, especially at her prices? Shepard had a feeling that this asari wasn’t nearly all that everyone claimed her to be but that these people were taken in by the hype and the exclusivity. Some people thought anything hard to get was more than worth the trouble. Shepard scoffed at the asari gate keeper and told her that no one was worth that much of a wait. Just as Shepard was about to turn to leave, the asari received a call and stopped Shepard telling her that the Consort, Sha’ira, wished to see Shepard right away after all.

            Intrigue and wariness set in as Shepard made her way up the stairs. She really didn’t know much about this woman, and it seemed like everyone she asked was unable to provide any specific information. She rested her hand on her pistol; it would be terrible to have to kill someone on her first visit to the Citadel. She was sure she’d never hear the end of it from Udina, and would probably be banned if she wasn’t outright court-martialed. Didn’t mean she wouldn’t do it if pressed, though. Shepard made her way down the short hall and opened the only door. An asari stood in the middle of the room with her back turned to Shepard, looking out a window. She glanced over her shoulder as Shepard approached but didn’t turn to face her. Shepard scanned the area, and allowed herself to relax when she saw no one else in the room.

            “That is close enough, Commander. I’ve heard a great many things about you since your arrival here on our Citadel,” the woman said.

            “I don’t like people spying on me,” Shepard warned.

            “I apologize, Commander. I make it my business to know when important people arrive on the station. Many of them become clients. But that is not why I asked you here. I have a certain problem that could use your expertise,” Sha’ira said, finally facing Shepard.

            Shepard took in the asari; she never did understand how their species could be exclusively female but that was hardly the strangest thing Shepard had learned about the different alien species. She was pretty, Shepard supposed, but not really any more attractive than any other asari she’d met so far. Her clothing was seductive, but that could hardly be the main attraction. Her blue skin wasn’t a particularly alluring shade, and her facial markings held no meaning for Shepard. Her hair – tentacles – whatever they were called didn’t seem special in anyway. Maybe it was something to do with the biotics all asari naturally had, did she use them in bed somehow? Either way, Shepard knew that the best way to get what she wanted was to give a little something in return. Favor for favor.

            “Maybe I can help?” Shepard offered.

            “I have a friend. Septimus, a retired turian general. I won’t discuss the details, but he wanted me to be more than I could be. We had a falling out. Now he spends his days in Chora’s Den drinking and spreading lies about me. If you would speak to him as a fellow soldier,” Sha’ira said, reaching out and caressing Shepard’s face. “I believe he will listen to you and let the matter be.”

            Shepard’s jaw clenched slightly at the woman’s touch. She hated it when strangers touched her, but never had a stranger thought it acceptable to touch her in such an intimate way in the middle of conversation. Still, the woman hadn’t harmed Shepard and maybe this was some sort of cultural difference between human and asari so Shepard let it go.

            “What happened between you?” Shepard asked.

            “I respect his privacy too much to go into the details. If he wishes to tell you what happened, that is his prerogative,” was all Sha’ira would say.

            “What exactly do you want me to tell him?” Shepard asked.

            “Appeal to his sense of honor. Remind him of his position as a general,” Sha’ira said before closing what little space there was between Shepard and herself, wrapping her arms around Shepard in an embrace. “If you can convince him to stop spreading lies about me, I would be very grateful.

            Shepard froze in place. What the fuck was that? Is the damn woman in heat or something? Shepard had always been attracted to both sexes, and she wasn’t exactly turned off by the idea of sleeping with an alien but… had she given some sort of sign to this woman? Something subtle that Shepard didn’t realize carried that type of message with the asari? She looked over the asari’s shoulder at her team. Williams had a look of pure disgust and horror on her face, and Alenko just looked amused. Sha’ira let Shepard go and turned away from her without explanation.

            “Now, I must ask you to take your leave. I have many clients waiting to see me,” Sha’ira said.

            Shepard backed slowly away from the asari, and back out of the door without speaking. Once outside, she heard Alenko chuckle.

            “Not a word, Alenko,” Shepard warned.

            “But Commander, I think the Consort has a thing for you,” Alenko said.

            “I don’t want to talk about it,” was all Shepard had to say to get Alenko to drop the topic.

Shepard made her way through the Presidium, stopping to talk to a hanar she saw in the Emporium. Of all the aliens that Shepard had seen, the hanar were by far the most “alien” of them all. The hanar hovered in the air somehow, and they didn’t even have proper faces. They looked like giant, pink jellyfish. She felt incredibly uncomfortable talking to a hanar, there were no eyes for her to make eye contact, and any possible body language they made would have been utterly lost on her. Hell, they didn’t even have a mouth for her to watch as they spoke. The words just kinda… emanated from them and different parts of their bodies lit up when they talked. Bioluminescence, it was how they communicated with each other, that much she did know. They referred to themselves as “this one” and “it”; Shepard was curious about it so she asked why. She was told that it was simply a part of their culture so she let it go. _Better than Blasto._ He said he was a shopkeeper, so Shepard bought a few things from him and sold off some of the extra gear she had found on the field. She excused herself from the hanar and headed to the Wards access to see if she could find this Septimus.

            Shepard frowned when she hit a dead end; the door to the Wards was locked. Apparently she didn’t have clearance. How strange, she can run around the Presidium where the elite of the elite lived and did business but she couldn’t go to the Wards where the C-Sec HQ and lower tier businesses were? Whatever, it was getting close to time for the Council meeting. She’d find Septimus later, she decided, and changed course to the Citadel Tower.

            When Shepard exited the elevator she saw two turians standing at the top of a set of stairs. She recognized one of them as the executor she had spoken with not too long before. She made her way up the stairs and was going to just walk past the two when she heard the other turian mention Saren. Pausing near them she listened to the conversation. _Garrus. Oh, gods, Garrus._

            “Saren’s hiding something! Give me more time. Stall them,” the other turian said to the executor.

            “Stall the Council? Don’t be ridiculous! You’re investigation is over, Garrus,” Executor Pallin said shaking his head and walking away.

            The one called Garrus turned to look at Shepard, when their eyes met she felt… something. _“No matter what happens here, you know I love you. I always will,” the last words I spoke to you. It’s still true. It will always be true. I don’t care how many lives I have to live, how many times I have to die, I will always love you, Garrus Vakarian._ It was like her heart wrenched, filled with sorrow for the briefest of moments. Still dazed by the unexpected wave of emotion, Shepard shook her head slightly and chalked it up to a side effect from the beacon. She studied the turian, drinking in his image. He wore blue and black armor, the blue was the same shade as his colony markings on his face. He had a visor on, distorting the appearance of his left eye. A sniper, maybe? _The best, but don’t tell him that. His ego would explode._ His small eyes were likewise blue, and Shepard thought they were the most interesting eyes she’d seen on a turian yet. The upper part of his face and his crest were a shade of taupe, but it lightened and shifted in color down towards his mouth and mandibles becoming something closer to beige. Most humans thought turians look like birds, and she could see the resemblance, but to her turians also had a feline quality about them. Something to do with the shapes of their nose and mouth reminded her of a cat. Either way, everything about them screamed apex predator, complete with sharp talons and near fanglike teeth.

            Garrus walked towards Shepard, “Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren.”

            “Sounds like you really want to bring him down,” Shepard observed.

            “I don’t trust him. Something about him rubs me the wrong way,” Garrus said wrapping his arms across his chest.

            “But he’s a Spectre; everything he touches is classified. I can’t find any hard evidence,” Garrus explained.

            “I think the Council’s ready for us, Commander,” Alenko interrupted.

            “Good luck, Shepard. Maybe they’ll listen to you,” Garrus said.

Shepard had to pull herself away from the turian; she couldn’t understand what it was about him, had they met before? She shook her head and led the others through the tower and up a flight of stairs where Anderson was waiting.

“The hearing has already started, come on,” Anderson said leading them up more stairs to stand before a holographic projection of a turian without any markings on his face, the projection towered above the room. Saren, Shepard assumed taking in what details she could as she followed Anderson to where Udina already stood out on a bridge like walkway that ended in a sudden drop-off; a few feet down panes of glass were all that separated the balcony from a drop to the lower level. _Saren will die down there._ The Council had set themselves up across an expanse in the room, for their safety, Shepard supposed, although she wouldn’t have even the slightest trouble shooting them at this distance if she were of a mind too.

“The geth attack is a matter of some concern,” Tevos spoke, “But there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way.”

“The investigation by Citadel Security turned up no evidence to support your charge of treason,” Sparatus added.

“An eyewitness saw him kill Nihlus in cold blood!” Udina insisted.

“We’ve read the Eden Prime reports, Ambassador. The testimony of one traumatized dockworker is hardly compelling proof,” said Valern.

“I resent these accusations. Nihlus was a fellow Spectre, and a friend,” Saren said looking down on the Council.

“That just let you catch him off guard!” Anderson spoke out.

“Captain Anderson. You always seem to be involved when humanity makes false charges against me. And this must be your protégé, Commander Shepard. The one who let the beacon get destroyed,” Saren taunted Anderson and Shepard.

“You’re the one who destroyed the beacon. Then you tried to cover it up,” Shepard retorted.

“Shift the blame to cover your own failures, just like Captain Anderson. He’s taught you well. But what can you expect from a human?” Saren responded, turning back to the Council.

“Saren despises humanity. That’s why he attacked Eden Prime!” Shepard said shifting her weight forward to emphasize her point.

“Your species needs to learn its place, Shepard. You’re not ready to join the Council. You’re not even ready to join the Spectres,” Saren said, no doubt trying to rile Shepard.

“He has no right to say that! That’s not his decision!” Udina fumed.

Tevos turned to her head to look up at Saren, “Shepard’s admission into the Spectres is not the purpose of this meeting.”

“This meeting has no purpose. The humans are wasting your time, Councilor. And mine,” Saren retorted.

“You can’t hide behind the Council forever!” Shepard warned.

Captain Anderson shifted, watching Shepard before speaking, “There is still one outstanding issue. Commander Shepard’s vision. It may have been triggered by the beacon.”

Saren scoffed, “Are we allowing dreams into evidence now? How can I defend my innocence against this kind of testimony?”

“I agree. Our judgement must be based on evidence, not wild imaginings and reckless speculation,” said Sparatus.

“Do you have anything else to add, Commander Shepard?” Valern asked.

“You’ve made your decision. I won’t waste my breath,” Shepard said, biting back the far more caustic remark she had in mind.

Sparatus and Tevos looked at each other a moment, communicating something through head nodding and shaking before the asari spoke again, “The Council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied.”

“I’m glad to see justice was served,” Saren said; his smugness obvious.

“This meeting is adjourned,” said Tevos.

Shepard and Anderson walked away from the area and stood facing one another at the top of the stairs, Williams and Alenko standing behind their Commander. Shepard was fuming and Anderson was doing his best to get her to refocus her energy on formulating a plan of action. He knew Shepard well, and he knew that she would not be cowed that easily. He just had to wait for her to stop cussing and making detailed explanations about how she was going to rip Saren’s spine from his body. She spotted Udina walking towards them and pulled herself together, pushing down her rage.

“It was a mistake bringing you into that hearing, Captain. You and Saren have too much history. It made the Council question our motives,” Udina said.

“I know Saren. He’s working with the geth for one reason: to exterminate the entire human race. Every colony we have is at risk. Every world we control is in danger. Even Earth isn’t safe,” Anderson insisted.

“We need to deal with Saren ourselves,” Shepard agreed.

“As a Spectre, he’s virtually untouchable. We need to find some way to expose him,” Udina said holding his curled fingers to his mouth in thought.

“What about Garrus, that C-Sec investigator? We saw him arguing with the Executor,” Kaidan offered.

_Good thinking, Kaidan._

“That’s right!” Williams added, “He was asking for more time to finish his report. Seems like he was close to finding something on Saren.”

“Any idea where we could find him?” Shepard asked Udina.

“I have a contact in C-Sec who can help us track Garrus down. His name is Harkin,” Udina said.

“Forget it,” Anderson said. “They suspended Harkin last month. Drinking on the job. I won’t waste my time with that loser.”

“You won’t have to. I don’t want the Council using your past history with Saren as an excuse to ignore anything we turn up. Shepard will handle this,” Udina said.

_Udina, you worthless, treacherous, son-of-a-bitch. Still, I wouldn’t wish this shit storm on Anderson._

“You can’t just cut Captain Anderson out of this investigation,” insisted Shepard.

“The ambassador’s right. I need to step aside,” Anderson said shaking his head.

“I need to take care of some business. Captain, meet me in my office later,” Udina said before turning and walking away.

With Udina gone, Anderson turned back to Shepard, “Harkin’s probably getting drunk at Chora’s Den. It’s a dingy little club in the lower section of the wards.”

“I thought you said he was a drunken loser?” Shepard asked.

Anderson shrugged, “Couldn’t hurt to go talk to him. Just be careful. I wouldn’t call him reliable.”

Shepard shifted a moment, stalling as she decided whether to bring up Anderson’s history with Saren. She could tell it wasn’t something he really wanted to talk about but if she was going to be responsible for bringing him down, she needed to know what Anderson’s connection was to the rogue Spectre.

“You and Saren have a history. What happened?” Shepard finally asked.

“About twenty years ago, I was part of a mission in the Skyllian Verge. I was working with Saren to find and remove a known terrorist threat. Saren eliminated his target. But a lot of people died along the way. Innocent people. And the official records just covered it all up. But I saw how he operates. No conscience. No hesitation. He’d kill a thousand innocent civilians to end a war without a second thought.

Shepard held a hand out showing that the concept was one she understood all too well as a soldier, “Sometimes a thousand people must die so a million can live.”

“But only if there’s no other way. Saren doesn’t even look for another option. He’s twisted, broken. He likes the violence, the killing. And he knows how to cover his tracks,” Anderson elaborated.

Shepard understood now, that changed things significantly. In the past, she’d had to make some tough calls and a lot of lives were lost but it was always when she couldn’t find any other way around the matter. It was always something regrettable, something that haunted her dreams more often than not, but she took solace in knowing that the lives lost were not in vain.

They spent a few more minutes discussing the Council’s actions and what leads they could follow. Anderson suggested that she might also speak to the volus banker, Barla Von. Shepard had met him briefly earlier when she was exploring the Presidium. He had hinted then about knowing his client’s personal secrets, but Shepard had had no reason to suspect he might know something about Saren. Anderson said that there were rumors that Barla Von was an information agent for the Shadow Broker. Shepard hadn’t heard anything about this Shadow Broker before so she asked about him. Anderson explained that the Shadow Broker was an anonymous individual who used agents spread out across the agency to gather information on people and organizations which he then sold to others. Anderson said he was headed to the ambassador’s office before leaving Shepard and the others.

Shepard turned Williams and Alenko, “Thoughts?”

“I don’t know, ma’am,” Williams spoke up shrugging her shoulders. “It seems to me that the Council isn’t going to accept any information we find about their beloved turian Spectre. I mean, he’s not just a Spectre, but being a turian with a turian on the Council… I’m just not sure we’ll be able to convince them of his guilt unless they hear a confession from Saren himself.”

“I don’t think that the Council would be that unreasonable. I don’t think they’d go to bat for Saren just because he’s a turian, even with the turian’s being one of the Council races. Williams is right though, he is a Spectre, their own personal agent so it’s going to take some pretty damning evidence before they’ll be swayed.”

Shepard grunted, rolling her shoulders, “Alright, let’s track down this Vakarian and see what he knows. I guess we’ll talk with Harkin, but I want to talk to this Barla Von again, too. Chora’s Den is where Sha’ira said Septimus would be as well, so we’ll start there.”


	4. Chapter 3: Princess

**Chapter 3: Princess**

As they headed down the stairs, Williams pointed out a salarian squatted down next to one of the keepers. The keepers were strange, bug-like green aliens that lived on the Citadel. No one really seemed to know much about them, just that they moved about the Citadel keeping up with repairs and keeping everything in working order. It was against the law on the Citadel to disturb the keepers. Shepard approached the salarian who quickly stood up and tried to play dumb. She finally convinced him to tell her what he was doing and who he was. He said his name was Chorban and he was a scientist, he was scanning the keepers with a device he made in an attempt to understand more about the mysterious creatures. He seemed to be telling the truth, though Shepard wasn’t extremely familiar with salarian body language and voice inflection. This Chorban was probably the darkest salarian she’d ever seen, and his eyes were just as dark making it harder for her to pick up on his eye movements. His skin was a very dark, rich brown that reminded her of the henna some humans on Earth used to decorate their skin. The coloration only got darker towards his horns. Salarians were amphibious, just like the frogs from Earth that Shepard thought they resembled. Either way, whatever he was doing, the keepers didn’t seem to be ‘disturbed’ by it so she didn’t really see the harm in helping him to gather his data. She was going to be running around all over the Citadel anyway, and with her being in the Alliance Navy she was less likely to catch any guff over the scanning. She had to admit, she was a little curious about the keepers herself, they didn’t interact with other species and she didn’t think that they even spoke.

Once back out on the Presidium, Shepard headed towards the Wards, assuming Udina had remembered to change her access level. She passed by a C-Sec officer and a hanar, the hanar was preaching about the ‘enkindlers’ and the officer was telling the hanar that he wasn’t allowed to preach on the Presidium. Shepard stopped and asked what the problem was; sure she never understood why exactly the hanar viewed the protheans as gods or why they called them enkindlers. They weren’t gods, gods don’t go extinct or whatever the hell it was that happened to the protheans. _The Reapers. That’s what happened to the protheans. They didn’t even build the mass relays, even though that’s what everyone thinks._ But the hanar shouldn’t be given flak just for preaching about his religion. He wasn’t hurting anyone. The C-Sec officer explained that preaching without an evangelical license was forbidden, but the hanar refused to get a license. Even if the hanar had a license, he would still be expected to only preach in the designated areas where it was allowed according to Council regulations. Shepard didn’t really understand the need for a license, and she thought the idea of regulating where the hanar could preach was a bit unnecessary but it was apparently a regulation that all were expected to abide regardless of religious affiliation.

The C-Sec’s superiors had asked him to find a solution that didn’t upset the hanar; otherwise he would have just arrested him. Shepard took a minute to talk to the hanar, trying to convince him that he was in the wrong and should just get a license. The hanar said he didn’t believe he should be made to buy a license to speak the truth of the enkindlers, but he finally admitted that he didn’t have the 150 credits to buy one either. Seeing the fastest solution, Shepard purchased the license for him. It would have been cheaper to spend more time trying to convince the hanar but she had more important things to deal with.

Once down in the Wards, Shepard leaned against the railing for a moment to take in the view of the Citadel. Skycars zoomed by in lines, lights on buildings extended as far into the dark night as she could see.

“Big place,” Alenko said in awe.

Williams rolled her eyes playfully, “Is that your professional opinion, sir?”

“This isn’t a station, it’s a city,” Shepard said.

“There must be millions here. It can’t be possible to track everyone coming and going,” Alenko said.

“This makes Jump Zero look like a porta-john, and it’s the largest deep space station the Alliance has,” Williams pointed out.

“Jump Zero is big, but this is a whole other scale. Look at the ward arms, how do they keep all of that mass from flying apart?” Alenko wondered.

“The Council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they’re careful with newcomers,” said Shepard.

“They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together,” Alenko mused.

“Or maybe they just don’t like humans,” Williams suggested.

“Why not, we’ve got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids, we have everything they want,” Shepard said.

“When you put it that way, there’s no reason they wouldn’t like you,” Alenko said before correcting himself. “I mean us, er, humans, ma’am.”

“You don’t take much shore leave, do you LT?” William’s asked Alenko.

“Alright, laugh it up, Chief. I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we’re on duty here,” Shepard said.

“Uh, aye, aye, ma’am,” Alenko said.

“I’ll walk drag, ma’am,” William’s said.

Alenko was right; this was a very, very big place. Much bigger than she thought, with millions of people living on the Citadel. She pulled up a search on the Citadel using her omni-tool; apparently the population was sitting at 13.2 million, excluding the keepers. A very big city.

Shepard’s eyes slid to Alenko, he was starting to get less formal when speaking to Shepard, she had already noticed after the beacon incident back on Eden Prime but she was pretty sure that after that last little slip of the tongue that he was developing a crush, she’d have to nip that in the bud. He was cute, though, and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Still, she wasn’t interested in dating anyone in the Alliance, things got too complicated when you fraternized and she would crush that man’s heart, she could already tell. He was too good, too kind, and Shepard was just a little too jaded and ill-tempered for someone like him. _Oh thank gods._

Shepard pushed away from the railing, chuckling at Williams as she made her way towards Chora’s Den. She heard someone call out to her and looked around, spotting a woman standing near one of the support beams waving to get her attention. Shepard stepped over to the human woman and she introduced herself as Emily Wong, said she was an investigative journalist. She was working an angle against someone named Fist and was wondering if Shepard would be willing to pass along any information on the crime boss, or any other news worthy bits she came across during her own investigation. Shepard agreed to help the woman if she came across anything before continuing on her way.

            Passing by some merchant stalls, she decided to stop at one run by a volus. He seemed far friendlier than Din Korlack had, asking her if she had just come back from the colonies. Shepard wasn’t sure what colonies he was talking about in particular.

            “Oh, my mistake, Earth-clan. I assumed… it doesn’t matter,” he said shaking his head. “Feros, Noveria? Well, if you haven’t heard of them yet, I’m sure you will soon. But it doesn’t matter where you hail from; my goods are available to all.”

            “What can you tell me about Noveria?” Shepard asked she wasn’t letting this one go.

            “The corporate capital of the Attican Traverse. Very cold, very snowy,” he explained. “I don’t get too many clients from there. They all have their own private suppliers.”

            “I’d like to know more about Feros,” Shepard said.

            “It’s an old prothean world. Their buildings still litter the surface. The humans aren’t the first to colonize it, but they are the most recent,” he paused a moment. “Hmm, I just realized I haven’t heard from my contact on that planet for some time. Ah, well, I’m sure he’s fine.”

            That really didn’t tell her much, but she would take whatever information the volus gave her. She made a note on her omni-tool to remind her to look into Noveria and Feros when she was back on the Normandy. There had to be a more specific reason why the volus thought she had just come from one of those colonies. As she was walking away from the shop and about to head down a flight of stairs, a man standing near the stairs spoke to her.

            “Is that really… wow! It’s you!” the man said.

            Shepard paused and looked around her, wondering if he was talking to someone else. She didn’t see anyone else nearby and he seemed to be looking right at her. She raised an eyebrow to Williams and Alenko before stepping closer to the human.

            “You’re Commander Shepard, the hero of Eden Prime! I am so honored to meet you!” he exuded a giddy excitement.

            Shepard held out a hand for the man to shake, “Nice to meet you. And you are…?”

            “My name is Conrad. Conrad Verner. They say you killed more than a hundred geth on Eden Prime!” He said making a fist and holding it up in front of his body.

            “I spent most of my time trying to stay alive and help the colonists,” Shepard said, not at all comfortable with the exaggerated praise.

            “Hey, I know you’re probably busy, but do you have time for a quick autograph?” Conrad asked.

            Shepard thought the request was odd but did as he asked, “Anything for a fan. Here.”

            “Thanks, I really appreciate it. My wife is going to be so impressed!” Conrad said. “I’ll let you get back to work, but next time you’re on Earth, I’d love to buy you a drink! Thanks again!”

            When Conrad walked away, Shepard turned to face her team, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

            Williams and Alenko both snickered but kept their comments to themselves, mostly. They continued down the steps and rounded a few stalls before going through another door. The door let out in a small, empty space that held a rapid transit station, a doorway leading to a wraparound walkway to Chora’s Den, and a staircase leading up to a closed door. _Assassins._ As soon as Shepard stepped through the doorway that would lead them to Chora’s Den, her team was ambushed by two turians. Quickly she ducked down behind the thigh high wall that stretched around the walkway. Alenko and Williams were right behind her, following her lead. The assassins weren’t very well armored and went down in seconds.

            “Those were Saren’s men,” Alenko said.

            “Probably. I heard one of them say ‘that’s her’ when they saw me. Unless, of course, I’ve managed to make new enemies on the Citadel already. Come on, let’s get in there and find Harkin,” Shepard responded.

            They entered the bar, dim lights and music made the environment more alluring as scantily clad asari and human women danced on platforms. She moved left, following the flow of the circular room and stopped when she saw two krogan arguing. Krogan were the brutes of the galaxy, tall and stocky with large humps on their backs. They were a violent species, from what she knew, drawn to war and frequently taking up trades that catered to their urge to fight.

            “Back off, Wrex. Fist told us to take you down if you showed up,” one krogan said to the other leaning in close and pointing in the other man’s face.

            Shepard instinctively put her hand on her pistol, if this turned into a physical altercation this whole bar would be turned upside down in minutes. One pissed off krogan alone is enough to terrify most people, but having two of them go at it in the middle of a crowded place would definitely cause a panic.

            The one called Wrex crossed his arms and calmly asked, “What are you waiting for? I’m standing right here.” His voice took on a more threatening tone as he leaned forward slightly and said, “This is Fist’s only chance. If he’s smart, he’ll take it.”

            “He’s not coming out, Wrex. End of story,” the first krogan said.

            “This story is just beginning,” Wrex promised.

            Wrex turned and walked past Shepard and her team, “Out of my way, humans. I have no quarrel with you.”

            “What was that all about?” Alenko asked.

            “Who knows, let’s just try not to get caught in the middle,” Williams answered.

With the krogan out of the way, Shepard spotted Harkin sitting at a table by himself. _Fade._ As she approached the table, the man started trying to flirt with her, clearly drunk.

            “Hey there, sweetheart. You looking for some fun? ‘Cause I gotta say that soldier getup looks real good on that bod of yours,” Harkin said. “Why don’t you sit your sweet little ass down beside old Harkin? Have a drink and we’ll see where this goes.”

            Shepard sucked a breath in between her teeth, her jaw clenched as she slowly let the breath go again. This guy was begging for her to lay him on his ass. She tried to calm herself down enough to respond civilly, but failed. You have got to be fucking kidding me, she thought, who would a line like that even work on?

            “I’d rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade,” Shepard bit out.

            “You trying to hurt my feelings? You gotta do better than that. After twenty years with C-Sec, I’ve been called every name in the book, princess,” Harkin said.

            “Call me princess again and you’ll be picking your teeth up off the floor. Now tell me where Garrus is!” Shepard was seething.

            “Okay, okay,” Harkin said holding up his palms. “Just relax. Garrus, you say? Heh. You must be one of Anderson’s crew. Poor bastard’s still trying to bring Saren down, eh? I know where Garrus is. But you gotta tell me something first. Did the captain let you in on his big secret?”

            “Is there something I should know about the captain?” Shepard asked; she was really not in the mood for this man’s mind games.

            “The captain use to be a Spectre. Didn’t know that, did you? It was all very hush-hush. The first human ever given that honor. And then he blew it. Screwed up his mission so bad they kicked him out. Of course, he blames Saren. Says the turian set him up.”

            “He said they covered all this up. How did you hear about it?” Shepard asked.

            “I spent twenty years working cases here on the Citadel. People on this station love to talk. Secrets are like herpes. If you got ‘em you might as well spread ‘em around,” Harkin said.

            Shepard shook her head in disgust, “You’re a pig.”

            “Just noticed that now, did you?” Harkin jibbed.

            “Just tell me where Garrus went,” Shepard insisted, trying to get the man back on topic.

            “Garrus was sniffing around Dr. Michel’s office. She runs the med clinic on the other side of the wards. Last I heard, he was going back there,” Harkin finally said.

            That was all she needed to hear, she couldn’t stand another minute talking to that asshole. She made her way around the bar until she found Septimus nursing a drink.

            “Commander? Hmph. What do you want?” Septimus asked when Shepard approached.

            “I’m here on Sha’ira’s behalf. Your lies are hurting her,” Shepard said crossing her arms.

            “Good. Her lies have been killing me for days,” Septimus replied. “I’ve seen a lot of horrible things in my days and there’s only one woman in this damn galaxy that helps me forget it,” he said looking down at the table in front of him.

            “So if you feel that way, then why spread lies about her?” Alenko asked.

            “’Cause she rejected me. Me! Septimus Oraka, general of the turian fleet!” Septimus said pulling his shoulders back square and puffing his chest out.

            “I think I can see why you’re upset, but spreading these lies won’t make it better,” Shepard stated.

            “Look, kid, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but don’t waste your time,” the general said having lost his bluster once more.

            “You need to start acting like a general if you want to beat this,” Shepard scolded.

            “I spent all my life acting like a general and what did it get me? Hmm? No, those days are over. I’ll just be what I am: a tired, lonely, worn-out soldier,” Septimus said, leaning back in his chair and draping an arm over the back.

            “Do you really want to be remembered this way?” Shepard asked, not buying the act.

            “No. I’d rather not be remembered at all. But I see your point,” he conceded. “So you think it’s that easy? Just straighten up and act like a general?”

            “I don’t think it could hurt,” Alenko said.

            “Huh. Maybe you’re right, Commander. Sha’ira’s worth the effort… even if she won’t have me back,” Septimus said.

            “This is no place for someone of your stature, General,” Shepard said.

            “Alright. I’ll go to her… after I’ve had a cold shower. Or two,” he said before changing the topic. “Say, you’re a bright kid. Would you be interested in earning a few extra credits?”

            “What do you want me to do?” she asked.

            “There’s an elcor diplomat out there who believes Sha’ira gave up his secrets,” Septimus started to explain.

            “Why does he think that?” Alenko asked.

            “Because I told him. Look, I just need you to convince him of the truth,” Septimus said.

            “What makes you think he’ll believe me?” asked Shepard.

            “You’ll bring him proof. Take this datapad. It shows where I got my info. It will exonerate Sha’ira and convince the elcor,” Septimus said handing Shepard a datapad.

            “Who am I taking it to, and where is he?” Shepard thought she already knew but wanted confirmation.

            “His name is Xeltan. He’s an elcor diplomat. He’s over in the embassies complaining about Sha’ira. Well, here’s to soldiers acting like soldiers,” Septimus said before knocking back the rest of his drink. “Thanks, Commander. You know, you might make a good general yourself one day.”

            “Hard to imagine a general like that getting so upset about a woman,” Alenko said.

            “That’s because you don’t understand women, Kaidan,” Williams replied.

            As they left Chora’s Den, Williams asked why Anderson wouldn’t have told them that he used to be a Spectre. Alenko suggested that Harkin might be lying about it all. Shepard didn’t know, but she thought she might bring it up to Anderson sometime. She didn’t like him keeping things from her, but everyone was entitled to their secrets. Shepard led the others back upstairs, passed the stairs that the signs said let do C-Sec, and straight to the med clinic. It never occurred to her that she had no reason to just know where the clinic was, or where Chora’s Den was, or where anything on the Citadel was for that matter.

            When the door opened, Shepard saw Garrus creeping down low around a partition wall, gun ready. Across the partition, she saw a woman in a lab coat being threatened by a group of men.

            “I didn’t tell anyone, I swear!” the woman said.

            “That was smart, Doc,” one of the men said.

            “Now, if Garrus comes around, you stay smart. Keep your mouth shut or we’ll…” the man saw Shepard step into the room and draw her pistol, he stopped mid-sentence and grabbed the doctor, spinning her around with an arm wrapped around her throat.

He pointed his gun at Shepard and roared, “Who are you?”

Shepard leveled her pistol at the man, maneuvering herself around the room to draw his attention to her and keep it away from Garrus, “Let her go!”

Garrus nodded once and then when the man was looking at Shepard he took aim and fired, shooting the man right in the head. Blood splattered all over the doctor as the man fell to the floor. Garrus stood up and walked out into the room, pointing his pistol at the other two men who took a step back before steeling their resolve for a gunfight. She saw Garrus take cover near the doctor while she and her team advanced on the thugs. The first two weren’t able to get to cover quickly enough; she and Williams took them out first. The other two hid towards the back of the med clinic. Shepard saw a fire containment system on the floor near the man hiding behind a support beam, she shot the fire containment system and it exploded sending shrapnel and a toxic substance out over the man. Alenko used his biotic Throw to knock the storage crate the other man was hiding behind over, effectively pinning the man beneath the crate while Shepard got into position to finish off both men. She then headed back over to where Garrus was now standing, tending to Dr. Michel. The woman was clearly shaken up.

            “Perfect timing, Shepard. Gave me a clear shot at that bastard,” Garrus said by way of greeting.

            “You took him down clean,” Shepard said having been impressed by the shot.

            “Sometimes you get lucky,” Garrus said.

            Turning back to the other woman, Garrus asked, “Dr. Michel? Are you hurt?”

            Dr. Michel smoothed down her hair, “No. I’m okay. Thanks to you. All of you.”

            “I know those men threatened you. But if you tell us who they work for, we can protect you,” Shepard promised.

            “They work for Fist. They wanted to shut me up, keep me from telling Garrus about the quarian,” Dr. Michel said.

            “What quarian?” Shepard asked confused.

            “A few days ago, a quarian came by my office. She’d been shot, but she wouldn’t tell me who did it. I could tell she was scared, probably on the run,” Dr. Michael said as she started pacing. “She asked me about the Shadow Broker. She wanted to trade information in exchange for a safe place to hide.”

            “Where is she now?” Shepard asked, fearing the worst had already come to pass for this quarian.

            “I put her in contact with Fist. He’s an agent for the Shadow Broker,” Dr. Michael said.

            “Not any more. Now he works for Saren, and the Shadow Broker isn’t too happy about it,” Garrus informed Shepard.

            “Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker? That’s stupid, even for him. Saren must have made him quite the offer,” said Dr. Michel.

            Garrus gestured as she spoke, “That quarian must have something Saren wants. Something worth crossing the Shadow Broker.”

            “She must have something that proves he’s a traitor. Did the quarian mention anything about Saren? Or the geth?” Shepard asked.

            “She did! The information she was going to trade. She said it had something to do with the geth,” Dr. Michel said.

            “She must be able to link Saren to the geth. There’s no way the Council can ignore this!” Garrus insisted.

            “Time we paid Fist a visit,” Shepard said.

            “This is your show, Shepard. But I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I’m coming with you!” Garrus said.

            Shepard hesitated, “You’re a turian. Why do you want to bring him down?”

            Garrus shook his head the irritation apparent in his flanging voice, “I couldn’t find the proof I needed in my investigation. But I knew what was really going on. Saren’s a traitor to the Council, and a disgrace to my people!”

            Obviously she had pushed a button and upset the turian but he had made his case, “Welcome aboard, Garrus.”

            Calmed by her acceptance, the heat left Garrus’ voice, “You know, we aren’t the only ones going after Fist. The Shadow Broker hired a krogan bounty hunter named Wrex to take him out.”

            “Yeah, we saw him in the bar,” Williams offered.

            “A krogan might come in handy,” Shepard said as the voice buried in the recesses of her mind laughed hysterically. _You have no idea._

            Shepard glanced over her shoulder at Williams wondering what it was that the woman found so funny. Williams was looking at Garrus calmly but glanced at Shepard when she saw her turn her head. Williams twitched an eyebrow inquisitively before Shepard looked back at Garrus.

            “Last I heard, he was at the C-Sec Academy,” said Garrus.

            “What’s he doing there?” Alenko asked.

            “Fist accused him of making threats. We brought Wrex in for a little talk. If you hurry, you can catch him at the academy before he leaves,” explained Garrus.

            Shepard asked Alenko to go find Anderson and fill him in on the details of what the found and where they were going. Anderson wouldn’t like her plan to confront Fist, making waves on the Citadel wouldn’t help their case at all but Udina had convinced Anderson to let her take over the investigation so as Garrus had just pointed out, this was her show. She planned to keep Anderson informed, though and she would always hear his advice even if she chose to do things differently. Alenko agreed and left to the embassies, thinking that Anderson might still be with Udina.


	5. Chapter 4: Irrefutable Evidence, Refuted.

**Chapter 4: Irrefutable Evidence, Refuted.**

            Shepard left the med clinic with Garrus and Alenko. It felt weird, referring to Garrus by his first name when she called Kaidan and Ashley by their last names but he wasn’t Alliance, and he wasn’t under her command, officially. Maybe in time she’d start using less formal terms with Alenko and Williams, or perhaps she’d just stick to her ways and start calling Garrus, Vakarian instead if he stuck around long enough.

            She led them down the stairs and to the elevator that would take them to the C-Sec Academy. It was strange having Garrus on her team and having Alenko gone. She’d never really worked this closely with any other species, and with him being C-Sec, would he listen to her when the bullets started flying? _He’ll have your back; he’ll always have your back. Even when others come and go, Garrus will be there until the end._ Williams will keep an eye on him, Shepard thought as the news broadcast in the elevator talked about the krogan suing a company called Binary Helix for failing to cure the genophage. The genophage was a genetic mutation created by salarian scientists and used against the krogan as a means to end the Krogan Rebellions. Shepard didn’t know much about it, other than what everyone learned in school. Apparently the genophage somehow limited the number of children a krogan could have, stifling their population growth.

            The elevator stopped and the three of them made their way up a short flight of stairs and over to the heavily guarded krogan. Shepard recognized him as being the same Wrex they saw earlier at Chora’s Den. He actually looked like he was a little smaller than most other krogan she had seen, but that wasn’t saying much when compared to most of the other species. This one had bright red plating on the top of his head, with scars that looked very much like something had clawed him, tearing through the surface of the plating and down the right side of his face and neck. Somehow, Shepard doubted that whoever or whatever did that to the krogan was breathing any more. Shepard couldn’t help but to think that krogan looked like giant, terrifying turtles. She realized that it probably wasn’t polite for her to keep comparing the other species to Earth animals; she would certainly never speak it aloud but her mind kept making the connections anyway. Who knows, maybe they did evolve from similar creatures? After all, humans were primates evolved over time from apes. It is laughable to think that someone wouldn’t see the similarities between humans and apes, although she learned that even in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, many humans use to deny the evolutionary link with vehemence. Yeah… best she kept her mouth shut on the topic, especially with the krogan who could probably crush her skull with one hand.

            One of the C-Sec officers surrounding Wrex told him, “Witnesses saw you making threats in Fist’s bar. Stay away from him.”

            “I don’t take orders from you,” Wrex replied.

            “This is your only warning, Wrex,” the officer said leaning in towards Wrex.

            The man had balls, that was for sure. Shepard doubted he would have been so quick to ‘warn’ Wrex if they were alone and standing anywhere other than C-Sec. Wrex leaned towards the officer, clearly not intimidated. He moved his face a little closer to the officer’s with each word, causing the officer to flinch and move back.

            “You should warn Fist. I will kill him,” Wrex said.

            “You want me to arrest you?” the officer said taking another step back.

            “I want you to try,” Wrex goaded the officer.

            A smile twitched at the corners of Shepard’s mouth. Wrex looked over then and saw her group waiting. He walked past the C-Sec officer and towards Shepard without further comment to the officers. The officer tried to save face, telling Wrex to get out of there, but he was beyond the krogan’s notice at that point.

            “Do I know you, human?” Wrex asked Shepard.

            “My name’s Shepard. I’m going after Fist. Thought you might want to come along,” Shepard said choosing her words carefully.

            “Shepard? Commander Shepard? I’ve heard a lot about you,” Wrex said looking at Shepard a little more closely with his giant red eyes.

“We’re both warriors, Shepard. Out of respect, I’ll give you fair warning. I’m going to kill Fist,” Wrex said as he closed the distance to Shepard and leaned in close to deliver the final statement.

“Fist knows you’re coming. We’ll have a better chance if we all work together,” Garrus said.

“My people have a saying: Seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend,” Wrex said.

Shepard extended a hand, “Glad to have you on the team, Wrex.”

“Let’s go. I hate to keep Fist waiting,” Wrex said as he rolled his head around on his neck.

“Williams, you’re dismissed. Find Alenko and enjoy some downtime on the Citadel or return to the Normandy. I want to go in as quiet as possible on this one and these two know the area better than the three of us. I’ll call you when we’re done here,” Shepard said.

“Ma’am,” Williams saluted. “A moment, if I may?”

Shepard nodded her head and held a hand up, palm out towards Garrus and Wrex, “I’ll just be a minute.”

She walked a few feet away with Williams and the two women turned to face each other, talking in hushed voices, “What is it, Williams?”

“I apologize if this is insubordinate, ma’am, but I’m concerned about leaving you with two unknowns without backup,” Williams said.

A smile tugged at Shepard’s lips, she could see the genuine worry in the Gunnery Chief’s eyes and the furrow in her brow. Shepard clasped her hands behind her back and tried to convey her confidence through her body language.

“I will be fine, Williams. Thank you for your concern. I will contact you as soon as this matter is dealt with.”

“Ma’am,” Williams said and saluted again before turning to leave.

“And Ashley? Try to relax while you have some down time, yeah?” Shepard called out.

Williams turned around when Shepard called her by name, she smiled wide and said, “Yes ma’am!”

Huh, that wasn’t so bad, Shepard thought. I’m sure I’ll revert to calling her Williams in the field but that’s expected protocol. _No, I guess she isn’t all bad. She is one hell of a soldier, and can handle a gun like nobody’s business. She is xenophobic though. One of them will have to die. One of them always has to die. There is no stopping it… trust me, I’ve tried. Better to keep your distance, don’t get attached. One of them will die; the other will break your heart when you need them the most._ Shepard made her way back over to Wrex and Garrus.

“Let’s move,” she said.

They made their way back to Chora’s Den only to find that the place was eerily quiet from the outside. Garrus suggested that Fist knew they were coming and closed the place down, Shepard drew her pistol, Garrus and Wrex following her lead just as easily as Alenko and Williams did. Just as Shepard approached the door, it slid open revealing the bartender behind the bar with a gun pointed right at her. She quickly fired off two shots, taking the bartender down before taking cover with her back to the wall next to the door. _Men hiding around the corner next to Fist’s office, men above the bar up by the lights, and spread throughout the room. Don’t forget the krogan bouncer you saw earlier, and for fucksake don’t let him get close to you._

Shepard quickly learned that Wrex was a biotic, that wasn’t very common in krogan from what she heard. They focused on taking down the men that could be seen from their position of cover, and waited a moment for any others to step into the line of sight. When no more did, but her scanner still showed several enemies, Shepard entered the bar and circled around, gun pointed high up towards the light fixtures of the bar. Something in her gut told her there would be someone up there; it only made sense it was a good sniper position. She laid eyes on the man, right where she expected him to be and knocked him off his perch with a biotic Throw. He fell from the light platform and hit the bar below, hard. One of her squad finished him off with a shot, she didn’t see which one. She swiftly turned to take cover against the wall next to the short hall that led back to Fist’s office. Two men were there, taking cover behind crates, but they were aggressive and spent too much time standing and firing wildly. Easy enough targets, they took her shields down though and a sudden shotgun blast from across the room hit her hard. Shepard moved out of the incoming krogan’s sights and activated the Medi-gel release on her omni-tool.

Feeling the cool, numbing substance wash over her wound was a relief. She knew her flesh would begin knitting itself back together as she turned to face the krogan. She leveled her gun at the krogan and using her marksmanship took him down fast… the others might have helped… a little. Two more men waited just inside the hall door, these men weren’t combatants; they were simple laborers. What the hell was Fist doing using these men to fight? Better yet, why the hell were these men fighting? She couldn’t spare the time to worry about it, they were firing on her and her team and that meant she had to take them down. On the wall behind them was a weapon locker, Shepard took the time to liberate the locker of its weapons before anymore foolish bartenders or busboys decided to take up arms.

Another door opened when Shepard got near, she couldn’t see far into the room, there was some sort of alcove or something just past a wall. Maybe Fist’s office? Another door remained closed directly across from them. Shepard put her back to the wall and inched her way to the corner so she could see into the room. She spotted Fist as he pushed some buttons on his desk and ran for cover. _Turrets._ Garrus moved to the other wall opposite of her just as two defensive turrets popped up and started firing. Turrets? Seriously? Who the fuck has turrets in their office? Damn it, Shepard thought. She used a Throw on the turret on Garrus’ side and he finished it off immediately. Wrex aimed a couple of shots at the second turret, nearly taking it down but not before she took a few shots. Damn it! Shepard used another application of Medi-gel, cursing the turrets and Fist under her breath before turning back in to finish off the turret. Garrus took a final shot at Fist and the man went down, screaming bloody murder.

“Wait! Don’t kill me! I surrender!” Fist screamed; holding out a pleading hand as Shepard approached.

“Tell me where the quarian is and I won’t have to shoot you in the kneecaps,” Shepard said, still more than a little pissed off about the wall of men she had to kill to get to Fist – and the damn turrets.

“She’s not here. I don’t know where she is. That’s the truth!” Fist swore, desperate for the woman pointing a gun at his head to believe him.

“He’s no use to you now. Let me kill him,” Wrex said.

“Wait! Wait!” Fist said, cowering. “I don’t know where the quarian is, but I know where you can find her. The quarian isn’t here. Said she’d only deal with the Shadow Broker himself.”

“Face to face? Impossible! Even I was hired through an agent,” Wrex scoffed.

Shepard allowed the man to stand, when he was up on his feet he said, “Nobody meets the Shadow Broker. Ever. Even I don’t know his true identity. But she didn’t know that. I told her I’d set a meeting up. But when she shows up, it’ll be Saren’s men waiting for her.”

Shepard closed the distance between herself and Fist, pushing her pistol up under his chin. The man tried to lean away from the gun, putting his hands out in surrender. She really, really wanted to shoot this man.

“Tell me where that meeting is before I blow your lying head off!” Shepard threatened, pulling the gun back and shaking it in his face.

“Here on the wards. The back alley by the markets. She’s supposed to meet them right now. You can make it if you hurry,” Fist offered.

Wrex pulled out his shotgun, and blew a hole through Fist. Shepard wasn’t expecting the shot, so it startled her and she turned to the krogan wide eyed.

“What are you doing?!” Garrus yelled at Wrex, the flanging in his voice becoming more apparent with the emotional outburst.

“The Shadow Broker paid me to kill him. I don’t leave jobs half done,” Wrex said simply.

“A lot of people died because of him. He had it coming. Now let’s move. We have to save that quarian!” Shepard ordered.

Shepard made a mental note to talk to Wrex about his actions later. Even if Fist deserved to be shot, and worse, she needed Wrex to know that if he was going to be working with her, he was expected to wait for orders in this type of situation. Shepard still had questions for Fist, questions about Saren, but now she couldn’t ask them. She didn’t have time to dwell on that, they had to get to that quarian before Saren’s men killed her. Shepard’s eye caught on an optical storage disc and she scooped it up on her way to the door.

They made their way back to the main bar area only to find it overrun with more armed men, they were going to have to fight their way out and they had to do it fast. Ducking behind one of the crates in the hall outside of Fist’s office, Shepard began firing on the men ordering her squad to do the same. Just as she was about to fire, Wrex moved out in front of her and she nearly shot him in the back. She made another mental note to talk to Wrex about staying the hell out of her way in a firefight. They took down the two men that she could see from that angle, so she moved over to the wall and inched her way to the edge. She turned to look out into the room and came face to face with a man who was just on the opposite side of the wall from her. She brought her pistol up fast and fired two shots into his face; he dropped to the ground as she ducked back behind the wall. Garrus’ Sabotage capabilities were coming in handy, maybe even just as much as Wrex’s shotgun and brute strength. A few more moments of ducking in and out of cover firing on enemies and Shepard heard Garrus’ voice announce, “Perimeter secure.”

She didn’t waste time checking to see if he was right, instead she bolted for the door. They were running out of time. _Left. Left. Left, go left!_ Shepard tore through the bar and back out onto the wraparound walkway, careening around the corner to the left and up the stairs to the door she noticed earlier. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but this door was going to lead to the alley Fist was talking about. She smacked her hand down on the button to open the door and started moving forward, pistol out before the door had finished opening.

The alley was filled with an eerie, blood red ambient light. Shepard tried not to take that as a bad omen as she rushed up a flight of stairs and down the service hall. She reached a flight of stairs leading down a ways, down the stairs she saw the quarian woman being approached by a turian. Across the way, she could see figures moving behind a crate. Behind them, another set of stairs led up to another door.

“Did you bring it?” the turian asked the quarian.

“Where’s the Shadow Broker? Where’s Fist?” the quarian asked as the turian moved in close to her.

The turian started running a hand down the side of the quarian’s face mask, “They’ll be here. Where’s the evidence?”

He ran his hand down her arm and moved to her hip before the quarian shoved his hand away saying, “No way. The deal’s off.”

Two figures in full armor, salarians Shepard thought, stepped out from behind a crate and drew weapons. The quarian threw a flash grenade or something at them and dove for cover, Shepard couldn’t tell what it was for sure from her position. Shepard and her crew moved in quick to help the quarian take out her attackers. They tried to hide behind some nearby crates but Shepard had a higher position and was able to hit them without a problem. When they were down, she moved to the quarian to check on her.

“Fist set me up! I knew I couldn’t trust him!” the quarian said sounding agitated.

Quarian’s required full body suits and respirators like the volus, though they wore softer suits, more flexible and with a semi-transparent face mask. The masks were tinted though, so only the vague shape of glowing eyes and a nose could be made out through the protective material. Like the turians, quarians had only three thick fingers though they lacked the claws turians had. Their ankle joints were located higher up than on humans, giving them an unusual bend to their legs much like the turians. Shepard remembered that quarians had extremely poor immune systems, and basically everything made them sick. If they got injured, or even if just their suit got tore, they would get an infection.

“Were you hurt in the fight?” Shepard asked.

“I know how to look after myself. Not that I don’t appreciate the help. Who are you?” the quarian asked warily.

“My name’s Shepard. I’m looking for evidence to prove Saren’s a traitor,” Shepard said, hoping to ease the other woman’s fears.

“Then I have a chance to repay you for saving my life. But not here. We need to go somewhere safe,” the quarian said.

“We could take her to the human embassy. Your ambassador will want to see this anyway,” Garrus suggested.

Shepard paused in the alley to scan the keeper that hadn’t seemed the least bit disturbed by the gun fire. Garrus’ mandibles fluttered slightly, and he cleared his throat.

“You’re, ah, not supposed to ‘disturb’ the keepers,” Garrus said.

Shepard looked at Garrus, looked at the keeper, and then back to Garrus, “Doesn’t look disturbed to me.”

Garrus chuckled, “Yeah, they never do. What is that thing?”

“Scanning device. Gathering information for a salarian scientist. I mean, c’mon, it’s not hurting them,” A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, “You going to arrest me, officer?”

“Why do I get the feeling that any such attempt would end with me on my ass?” Garrus asked.

Shepard smiled and kept walking as Wrex’s booming laugh echoed off the alley walls. They made their way to the embassies, and as soon as she entered Udina started in on her.

“You’re not making my life easy, Shepard. Firefights in the wards? An all-out assault on Chora’s Den? Do you know how many…” Udina cut off when he turned around and realized Shepard wasn’t alone.

“Who’s this? A quarian? What are you up to, Shepard?” Udina asked.

“Making your day, Ambassador. She has information linking Saren to the geth,” Shepard said, a hint of smugness seeping into her voice.

“Really? Maybe you better start at the beginning, Miss…?” Udina asked the quarian.

“My name is Tali. Tali’Zorah nar Rayya,” Tali introduced herself.

“We don’t see many quarians here. Why did you leave the flotilla?” Udina asked.

“I was on my Pilgrimage, my rite of passage into adulthood,” Tali said.

“I’ve never heard of this before,” Shepard admitted.

“It is a tradition among my people. When we reach maturity, we leave the ships of our parents and our people behind. Alone, we search the stars, only returning to the flotilla once we have discovered something of value. In this way, we prove ourselves worthy of adulthood,” Tali explained.

“What kinds of things do you look for?” Shepard could tell that Udina wanted her to shut up so that Tali would get back to the evidence, but she was curious and enjoyed the chance to rile the ambassador.

“It could be resources like food or fuel. Or some type of useful technology. Or even knowledge that will make life easier on the flotilla. Through our Pilgrimage, we prove that we will contribute to the community, rather than being a burden on our limited resources,” Tali explained, a hint of pride evident in her voice.

“Tell us what you found,” Shepard said.

“During my travels, I began hearing reports of geth. Since they drove my people into exile, the geth have never ventured beyond the Veil. I was curious. I tracked a patrol of geth to an uncharted world. I waited for one to become separated from its unit. Then I disabled it and removed its memory core,” Tali said.

“I thought the geth fried their memory cores when they died. Some kind of defense mechanism,” Captain Anderson said.

“How did you manage to preserve the memory core?” Shepard asked Tali.

“My people created the geth. If you’re quick, careful, and lucky small caches of data can sometimes be recovered,” Tali said. “Most of the core was wiped clean. But I salvaged something from its audio banks.”

Tali opened her omni-tool and began to play a recording, Shepard could easily tell that it was Saren speaking.

“Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit,” Saren said on the recording.

“That’s Saren’s voice. This proves he was involved in the attack!” Anderson said excitedly.

“He said Eden Prime brought him one step closer to finding the Conduit. Any idea what that means?” Shepard asked.

 _The Conduit is a backdoor onto the Citadel. It’s hidden on Ilos, and Saren is going to use it to attack the Citadel. Listen to me! Listen goddamnit, if you can get there first you can shut it down, keep Saren from using the Conduit to access the Citadel. You can save so many lives and maybe stop this crap from ever happening. Do you hear me? Damnit do you hear me? LISTEN!_ Shepard winced as a pain shot through her head; she pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before shaking it off.

“The Conduit must have something to do with the beacon. Maybe it’s some kind of prothean technology… like a weapon,” Anderson said.

“Wait… there’s more. Saren wasn’t working alone,” Tali interjected, replaying the recording from the beginning.

“Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit,” the recording played.

“And one step closer to the return of the reapers,” a female voice responded.

_Benezia, you poor fool._

“I don’t recognize that other voice. The one talking about reapers,” Udina said.

“I feel like I’ve heard that name before…,” Shepard said wringing her hands; searching her memory. _Yes, the reapers. The bloody fucking reapers! They’re coming and they’re going to kill everyone if you don’t stop them. And if I can’t figure out how to make you hear me, it’s just going to keep happening again and again. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t. You need to listen to me!_

“According to the memory core, the reapers were hyper-advanced machine race that existed 50,000 years ago,” Tali said. “The reapers hunted the protheans to total extinction, and then they vanished. At least, that’s what the geth believe.”

“Sounds a little far-fetched,” Udina said crossing his arms.

“The vision on Eden Prime – I understand it now. I saw the protheans being wiped out by the reapers,” Shepard said scratching her head, uncomfortable to be talking about the vision again.

“The geth revere the reapers as gods, the pinnacle of non-organic life. And they believe Saren knows how to bring the reapers back,” Tali said.

“The Council is just going to love this!” Udina pouted.

“The reapers are a threat to every species in Citadel space. We have to tell them,” Shepard insisted although she wasn’t happy about the prospect either.

“No matter what they think about the rest of this, those audio files prove Saren’s a traitor,” Anderson insisted, fixated on bringing Saren down.

“The captain’s right. We need to present this to the Council right away,” Udina said.

“What about her? The quarian?” Wrex asked.

“My name is Tali!” she asserted. “You saw me in the alley, Commander. You know what I can do. Let me come with you.”

“I thought you were on your Pilgrimage?” Shepard asked.

“The Pilgrimage proves we are willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. What does it say about me if I turn my back on this?” Tali insisted, “Saren is a danger to the entire galaxy. My Pilgrimage can wait.”

Shepard nodded, “I’ll take all the help I can get.”

“Thanks. You won’t regret this,” Tali said moving to stand next to Shepard.

“Anderson and I will go ahead to get things ready with the Council. Take a few minutes to collect yourself, then meet us in the Tower,” Udina said before leaving.

Shepard took a minute to contact Ashley pulling up a vid comm on her omni-tool. Williams face popped up on the screen looking relieved.

“Commander Shepard!” Ashley said, “You’re alright. Good. I don’t think the LT would have taken it very well if you got squashed by a krogan.”

Wrex chuckled and Ashley’s face went a little white, “And… he’s still with you. Sorry.”

“Alright, alright, Chief! Really, a guy makes one slip of the tongue and he never gets to hear the end of it,” Kaidan’s voice broke through in the background.

Shepard smiled, “It’s okay, Williams. I’m fine, really. Listen, I’m in the ambassador’s office right now. I just spoke with Anderson and Udina; they’re going to set up a meeting with the Council. We took down Fist and found the quarian… ah, Tali,” Shepard said glancing at Tali briefly with an apologetic smile, “She has an audio recording she recovered from a geth memory core. It clearly has Saren’s voice confessing to the attacks on Eden Prime. There’s more to it, of course… nothing is ever easy, but I’ll fill you and Alenko in later. For now, if he wants to stay with us,” Shepard paused and looked at Wrex, raising an eyebrow in question, “I’m sending Wrex to the Normandy. Help him get set up somewhere. I’m keeping Garrus and Tali with me to have at the Council meeting; I think the Council will be more willing to listen with a C-Sec officer present.”

Wrex, rolled his head around on his shoulders before slamming one meaty fist into the palm of his other hand, “Sure, my work here is done. I’m open to helping you crack some skulls!”

Shepard chuckled and turned back to the vid comm, “He’s on his way. I’ll see you soon.”

Shepard disconnected the call and then gave Wrex directions to the Normandy. She wanted to stop by the elcor embassy since they were so close and then drop in to Sha’ira’s before the meeting. Tali and Garrus didn’t seem to mind the detour, though Garrus grinned when she mentioned Sha’ira. Xeltan took a little effort to convince of Sha’ira’s innocence, but in the end, with the datapad right before his eyes, he accepted the truth and left to find Sha’ira. Calyn told her it was a good thing that she did, and pointed it out the Din who in turn insisted that he was sure the Earth-clan stood to gain from the actions. She wasn’t going to deny it, but she wasn’t going to offer what exactly her intentions were either.

Leaving the elcor and volus embassy, Shepard and her team moved down stairs to the Presidium. An older human man stopped her, asking if she could spare a moment of her time. Shepard nodded and stepped a little closer to the man. He told her his name was Samesh Bhatia and that his wife was in the 212 on Eden Prime. That meant she was one of Ashley’s team, Shepard’s attention was now securely focused on the man. He explained that his wife was a marine and she died during the attacks. He wanted his wife’s body for cremation, but he was getting refusals from the military and he didn’t understand why. The poor man just wanted to give his wife a funeral, put her to rest. Shepard knew that there could be a few reasons why the military would refuse the man, most of it had to do if there was a contaminant exposure or something of that nature but there wasn’t anything like that in play on Eden Prime that she knew of. She told Mr. Bhatia that she would look into it for him, and see if she could at least get him some answers if she couldn’t get the body released. Mr. Bhatia said the man who he had last spoken to on the matter was in the bar on the embassies; she would start there.

Shepard went to the bar and found the man, Mr. Bosker leaning against the wall. He recognized her when she approached him so she didn’t need to bother with introductions. She asked about Mr. Bhatia’s wife.

“Serviceman Nirali Bhatia died on Eden Prime, as Mr. Bhatia no doubt told you. Her wounds are inconsistent with any type of weapon damage we’ve seen before. That is why her body is being held,” Mr. Bosker said.

“You think that her body might be dangerous or contaminated?” Shepard asked pointedly.

“No, Commander. Nirali Bhatia is not dangerous. Her body is, in fact, extremely valuable to the Alliance. The tests we’re conducting may lead to better defenses against the geth attacks. Respectfully, Serviceman Bhatia may save more lives in death than she did in life,” Mr. Bosker explained.

Shepard didn’t like the idea of holding the body against the will of the family, but if it could really help the Alliance that much, it was worth considering.

“How long do you think the research is going to take?” She asked.

“This is a long term study. I wouldn’t expect the body to be released for a year or longer,” Mr. Bosker said.

“You’ve got to have a lot of bodies. Can’t you release one?” Shepard asked.

“Very few bodies had this new type of weapon damage, and very few were in good enough condition to study,” Mr. Bosker insisted. “Beyond that, Commander, we need as many bodies as we can to get a reasonable sample size.”

“When will this research result in actual new technology?” Shepard asked.

“If we’re lucky, we’ll actually realize usable technology from this study in a few years.

Shepard was pissed, this wasn’t right; at the very least Mr. Bhatia deserved to know the truth. She flexed her fingers, wanting to punch something but knowing that wasn’t going to solve the problem. Her hands were tied; there really wasn’t anything she could do. Sure, she could argue with the man, maybe even smile sweetly and convince him to release the body but if what he was saying was true… that would be a mistake. Shepard knew that if things went south with this whole thing, the geth could be a very big problem very soon and the Alliance – hell, all the races – would need whatever extra edge they could get. She said she would explain the situation to Mr. Bhatia, hoping that it would help and he would understand.

Shepard returned to Mr. Bhatia and explained that they were holding his wife’s body for tests, she had hoped to be able to explain more but Mr. Bhatia was immediately upset.

“My wife served the Alliance faithfully. She gave her life for humanity! And this is how they repay her?” Mr. Bhatia said raising his voice.

Shepard agreed to try to talk to Mr. Bosker again, she wasn’t sure why she was doing this but something about the situation pulled at her. Tugged on her heartstrings as the old saying went. She returned to Mr. Bosker, mentally kicking herself as she went.

“I understand what you’re trying to do, but holding the body is wrong,” Shepard said.

“Commander, you of all people should understand how far we must go to protect humanity!” Mr. Bosker insisted.

“Not if we lose humanity in the process! I’m out there fighting to stop crap like this!” Shepard said.

“Alright, Commander. You win. It was hard enough refusing Mr. Bhatia. I’m not going to risk an incident by refusing you,” Mr. Bosker finally said sounding defeated. “Tell Samesh that the body is being shipped back to Earth. I’ll go now to see to it myself.”

Shepard cursed herself. She was sure that this was going to bite her in the ass somewhere down the line. She returned to Mr. Bhatia and let him know his wife’s body was being shipped to Earth. He thanked her and said he was returning home to prepare for her funeral service. He said he thought it might bring him peace; Shepard sure hoped he was right.

She used the rapid transit to get to the Consort’s Chambers and went straight up to her room, bypassing the asari that stood at the door. She didn’t have time for gatekeepers. Shepard entered the room to find Sha’ira waiting in the middle. Sha’ira told her that Septimus had sent her a note and that Xeltan had withdrawn his complaints about her. She seemed very pleased. Shepard had intended to question Sha’ira about Saren, using the fact that she helped to resolve her issues with Septimus as leverage if needed but decided to wait, holding on to that card in case she needed it later. With the evidence that Tali provided, Shepard had hoped that they had all they needed to convince the Council.

“I also have one more thing to give you, if you are interested,” Sha’ira said.

“I’d be honored,” Shepard said nodding to the Consort.

“I offer a gift of words. An affirmation of who you are, and who you will become…,” Sha’ira said stepping closer. “I see the sadness behind your eyes. It tells a story that makes me want to weep. Pain and loss. But it drives you, makes you strong. That strength is what kept you alive when everyone around you was dying. You alone survived. You will continue to survive. This may be who you are, but it is not who you will become. It only forms the basis for your future greatness. Remember these words when doubt descends, Commander.”

That wasn’t exactly what Shepard expected, but still it was nice to hear, “You have quite a gift, Sha’ira.”

“Thank you. Not everyone appreciates it as you do,” Sha’ira said. “Never underestimate the power of words. Here, Commander. In light of your efforts with the elcor ambassador, I would like you to have this small trinket.”

“What is it?” Shepard asked looking down at her hand.

“A small mystery. I have never learned its use or purpose, but I sense it is time for me to pass it on. And now, I must ask you to leave. I have done everything I can for you.” Sha’ira said. “Remember my words, Commander Shepard. They will give you strength.”

Shepard led them out of the Consort’s Chambers and to the rapid transit station outside. She remembered the OSD she had swiped from Fist’s office and decided to pay that investigative journalist a quick visit before heading to the Tower. She accessed the rapid transit station and punched in the med clinic as the destination, it was the closest to where she’d last seen Emily Wong and it would give her a chance to let Dr. Michel know that Fist wouldn’t be an issue for her any longer. She stopped in to see the doctor and told her the good news, taking the opportunity to replenish her stock of Medi-gel. She found Ms. Wong right where she has last seen her and handed over the OSD. Shepard told the investigative journalist that she could have an exclusive interview with Shepard once her investigation was complete. Ms. Wong was excited over the prospect; she paid Shepard not only for the files but in advance for the rights to her exclusive.

Accessing the rapid transit once more, Shepard punched in the location for the Tower. When they arrived, she headed up the stairs to Anderson. The Council was already in session, she took longer than she thought running errands around the Citadel; Anderson urged her on. As they climbed more stairs, Shepard could already hear the recording of Saren claiming Eden Prime as a victory playing throughout the chamber.

“You wanted proof. There it is,” Udina said pointing at the councilors.

“This evidence is irrefutable, Ambassador. Saren will be stripped of his Spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes,” Sparatus said.

Tevos turned to look at Sparatus, “I recognize the other voice, the one speaking with Saren. Matriarch Benezia.”

“Who’s she?” Shepard asked.

“Matriarchs are powerful asari who have entered the final stage of their lives. Revered for their wisdom and experience, they serve as guides and mentors to my people. Matriarch Benezia is a powerful biotic, and she had many followers. She will make a formidable ally for Saren.”

Valern spoke up, “I’m more interested in the reapers. What do you know about them?”

“Only what was extracted from the geth’s memory core. The reapers were an ancient race of machines that wiped out the protheans. Then they vanished,” Anderson answered.

“The geth believe the reapers are gods. And Saren is the prophet for their return,” Shepard stated.

“We think the Conduit is the key to bringing them back. Saren’s searching for it. That’s why he attacked Eden Prime,” Anderson added.

“Do we even know what this Conduit is?” Valern asked.

_Yes! Yes we do, it’s the backdoor to the Citadel. It’s on Ilos! Listen to me. Oh gods, please hear me. Please!_

“Saren thinks it can bring back the reapers. That’s bad enough,” Shepard said.

“Listen to what you’re saying! Saren wants to bring back the machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy? Impossible. It has to be,” Sparatus said. “Where did the reapers go? Why did they vanish? How come we’ve found no trace of their existence? If they were real, we’d have found something!”

 _Agh! You cocky son-of-a-bitch! If you would just listen to us, just once! No, that’s what’s ‘impossible’. You – the whole damn Council, you have your heads so far up your collective asses that you can never see what’s right in front of your goddamn face! No, you’ve got to deny everything. Deny, deny, deny. Pretty soon you’ll have a dead reaper sitting in your front fucking yard and STILL you’ll deny! Damnit! I should just kill you all now and save the galaxy from the fucking stupidity of the Council!_ Shepard winced as a sharp pain flared up momentarily behind her eyes. She shook it off though, and stayed focused on the Council. She understood that it all sounded far-fetched, but just because she didn’t have the answers to all of their questions doesn’t mean they should ignore the evidence they do have and shut down any planning on assessing the reaper threat.

“I tried to warn you about Saren, and you refused to face the truth. Don’t make the same mistake again,” Shepard warned.

“This is different,” Tevos said, “You proved Saren betrayed the Council. We all agree he’s using the geth to search for the Conduit, but we don’t really know why.”

“The reapers are obviously just a myth, Commander,” Valern said shaking his head. “A convenient lie to cover Saren’s true purpose. A legend he is using to bend the geth to his will.”

“Fifty thousand years ago, the reapers wiped out all galactic civilization. If Saren finds the Conduit, it will happen again!” Shepard said losing her patience.

“Saren is a rogue agent on the run for his life,” Sparatus said. “He no longer has the rights or resources of a Spectre. The Council has stripped him of his position.”

“That is not good enough! You know he’s hiding somewhere in the Traverse. Send your fleet in!” Udina insisted.

“A fleet cannot track down one man,” Valern said.

“A Citadel fleet could secure the entire region. Keep the geth from attacking any more of our colonies,” Udina said making a chopping motion with his hand.

“Or it could trigger a war with the Terminus Systems! We won’t be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies!” Sparatus said.

“Every time humanity asks for help you ignore us!” Shepard spat out.

“Shepard’s right. I’m sick of this Council and its anti-human bull –,” Udina was cut off when Tevos spoke.

“Ambassador! There is another solution. A way to stop Saren that does not require fleets or armies,” Tevos said.

“No! It’s too soon,” Sparatus said sounding rather petulant. “Humanity is not ready for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres.”

“You don’t have to send a fleet into the Traverse, and the Ambassador gets his human Spectre. Everybody’s happy,” Shepard reasoned.

The three councilors looked at each other a moment until Sparatus final nodded his head. They each did something to the consoles on their podiums before looking up at Shepard again.

Tevos spoke, “Commander Shepard, step forward.”


	6. Chapter 5: The First Human Spectre

**Chapter 5: The First Human Spectre**

Shepard looked to Anderson who smiled and nodded at her. She did as she was told, stepping further out onto the balcony walkway. Udina turned to let her pass. Shepard saw that all around the Council Chambers, people were gathering to watch. The balconies above her head were soon filled with people leaning down over the low walls to watch her while others crowded around on the stairs and open floors.

“It is the decision of the Council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel,” Tevos said.

Valern crossed his arms, “Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle; those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file.”

“Spectres are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will,” Tevos said.

“Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold,” Sparatus said.

Tevos continued, “You are the first human Spectre, Commander. This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species.”

“I’m honored, Councilor,” Shepard said bowing her head.

“We’re sending you into the Traverse after Saren. He’s a fugitive from justice, so you are authorized to use any means necessary to apprehend or eliminate him,” Valern said.

“Any idea where to find him?” Shepard asked.

“We will forward any relevant files to Ambassador Udina,” Sparatus said.

“This meeting of the Council is adjourned,” Tevos said.

Shepard bowed her head once more to the councilors before turning to face Anderson. They shook hands and he congratulated her, she couldn’t help but to wonder if what Harkin said was true. The way Harkin made it sound, Anderson had actually been the first human Spectre and not just a candidate.

“We’ve got a lot of work to do, Shepard. You’re going to need a ship, a crew, supplies…,” Udina started listing off things to help Shepard take down Saren.

“You’ll get access to special equipment and training now. You should go down to the C-Sec Academy and speak to the Spectre requisitions officer,” Anderson said.

“Anderson, come with me. I’ll need your help to set all this up,” Udina said.

The two men walked away leaving Tali, Garrus, and Shepard alone on the platform. She wasn’t sure what the two aliens would think about her new status. Hell, what would Williams and Alenko think? First human Spectre. There was a lot riding on her shoulders now, and the rest of the galaxy would be watching her closely to see if she fell on her ass. _You have no idea._

“I thought the ambassador would be a little more grateful. He didn’t even thank you,” Tali said.

“What do you expect from a politician? Come on,” Shepard said.

“Right behind you, Shepard,” Garrus said.

Shepard made her way down the stairs and was about to head to the rapid transit station when she decided to go say hello to the Alliance admiral she had seen standing not too far from the stairs when they first arrived at the Tower. He seemed to be rather flustered while on a call. She had a minute free now while Udina and Anderson set things up; maybe there was something she could do to help the admiral. She was a Spectre now after all.

“Congratulations on becoming the first human Spectre, Commander. I’m certain you’ll be up to the challenge,” the admiral said when Shepard got his attention.

“I appreciate that,” she said as she shook the admiral’s hand.

“My name is Admiral Kahoku. It’s about time the Alliance got one of our own in with the Spectres. We need people like you to deal with our… problems,” Kahoku said.

“Is something wrong, Admiral?” Shepard asked.

“I’m getting stonewalled by bureaucratic assholes. Nothing new,” Kahoku said putting his hands behind his back. “Maybe you can help me, Shepard. One of my recon teams was investigating some strange activity out in the Traverse. We lost contact yesterday. Now I can’t get clearance to check it out – suddenly it’s a restricted area. But that doesn’t apply to you, Shepard. Spectres can go anywhere they want. You could find out why my team dropped out of contact.”

“I’ll find them, Admiral,” Shepard said.

_We have more important things to do! We need to stop Saren, stop Sovereign from opening the relay and letting the other reapers through! You’ll go looking for his men anyway. You always do. Let me save you the trouble, Cerberus is responsible. Can we go to Ilos now?_

“I appreciate that, Commander. I was running out of options. I’m going to stay here and see if I can find anything out through official channels. Won’t hold my breath, though,” Kahoku said.

Kahoku sent the information he had and the last known coordinates for his team to the Normandy. If Anderson got her set up on another ship he could forward them to her later. She nodded to Kahoku before she turned to leave. She decided to skip the rapid transit and go the long way. It would give her more time to talk with Garrus and Tali and figure out what exactly their plans were, it sounded like they both intended to stay with her until she took down Saren. If that was the case she wanted to know a bit more about them; be sure they were going to be comfortable taking orders from a human and being on a human vessel. Which reminded her, she should call Williams and Alenko again, let them know what was going on.

Shepard stopped near the top of the next flight of stairs and opened her omni-tool connecting with Kaidan. When his face popped up on her screen he smiled and before she could say a word he started talking.

“Congratulations, Commander! Ash and I have already seen the vid. First Human Spectre. Wow, that’s really something, Shepard. And they stripped Saren of his status, too. The evidence that Tali had must have been really big,” Kaidan said.

“Is that the Commander, LT? Here let me see,” Shepard could hear Ashley’s voice and then some shuffling around as Ashley’s head popped up next to Kaidan’s.

“Yes, yes it was. Tali really saved the day, I don’t think we would have gotten anywhere with the Council if not for her,” Shepard said looking up at Tali and smiling.

She wasn’t sure if quarian’s could blush, but the other woman’s body language was definitely screaming self-conscious embarrassment. Shepard chuckled and waved Tali over. Timidly the quarian approached and Shepard turned so that Kaidan and Ashely could see Tali standing next to her.

“Tali this is Lt. Kaidan Alenko and Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, they were with me on Eden Prime. Lieutenant, Chief, this is Tali Zora nar Rayya – did I say that right?” Shepard asked and Tali nodded waving at the vid comm. “And you guys owe her a beer – or ah, I don’t know what quarians like to drink. You owe her something.”

“Oh no, really, I owe you, Shepard. I mean, I think I could have gotten away from Fist’s men on my own but then I would just be lost wandering the Citadel and not knowing who to turn to, Keelah…,” Tali shuddered. “Who knows what I would have done, or what trouble I would have run into. Quarians aren’t very popular on the Citadel,” Tali’s voice took on a sad note.

Shepard felt a moment of panic. Had she upset the quarian, did she make some huge faux pas telling her that they owed her for her help? _Nah, that’s just Tali._

“Oh, um, hey you’re with us now and you really did save our asses with that recording so, ah…” Shepard trailed off.

She glanced over her shoulder at Garrus, hoping that he might hold some clue as to what she said wrong and how to fix the situation. Was he… was he laughing at her? Damnit, he was. Shepard’s brow furrowed and the turian coughed into his fist before squaring his shoulders and turning to look around the area, avoiding eye contact with her. She could somehow tell that he was struggling not to laugh. _The tension in his mandibles, just like you clenching your jaw. His eyes, it’s there too. His eyes are different from a human’s, but we learned to read the emotion in them over time. You’ll figure it out with Tali, even though you can’t see her face. Wrex and Liara, too._ Shepard suppressed her own smile before turning back to the vid comm.

“So, ah, yeah. Anderson and Udina are setting things up and I’m going to stop by the Spectre requisitions. I might stop by a couple of more shops while I’m here. We’ll meet you guys back on the Normandy,” Shepard said before looking at Tali and Garrus for confirmation.

They both nodded. Shepard was about to open her mouth to speak to them when Ashley interrupted.

“So the tur- ah, Garrus and Tali are leaving with us? And the krogan, Wrex is staying, aboard too?” Ashley asked.

Shepard couldn’t pin down what it was that she was seeing in the Chief’s face, but it wasn’t a pleasant emotion that William’s was trying to conceal, “Yes, Williams. Is that a problem?”

_She doesn’t like aliens. Gods this would be so much simpler if I could just make you hear me._

“Not my call, ma’am. Just trying to make sure I know what’s going on,” Ashley said.

Kaidan gave Ashley a sideways look with a creased brow, “Well, I think it’s fantastic, Shepard. It’ll give us all a chance to learn more about each other, and we can use all the help we can get.”

“Lieutenant, Chief,” Shepard nodded to their images, “We’ll see you soon. Shepard out.”

She ended the vid call and turned to Tali and Garrus, “It uh, might take a while for everyone to adjust but Alenko is right we can use the help,” Shepard scratched the side of her head. “I haven’t worked with anyone other than humans in closed quarters before, is there anything I need to know? Any special accommodations we’ll need to make? Wait, dextro food, you’ll both need dextro food, right? I have no clue what Wrex will eat…”

Shepard trailed off as she looked down at her omni-tool and began typing in a search for krogan diets. She felt someone lay a hand on her shoulder and immediately spun, grabbing the offending wrist and started to bend it into an arm bar when she suddenly realized it was Garrus’ arm that she had. She quickly dropped his hand, took a step forward, and reached out to gently touch his upper arm in apology.

“Oh gods, Garrus I’m sorry. I guess I’m still on edge. Are you okay?” Shepard asked.

Garrus shook his wrist out chuckling, “Sprits, woman! I get it, okay, no touching the Human Spectre. Tali, we better make sure we tell everyone we see. The Human Spectre will break your wrists if you touch her.”

“I don’t know, Garrus… maybe she just doesn’t want _you_ touching her. I mean the First Contact War wasn’t _that_ long ago,” Tali teased.

“Ouch, Tali. That hurts. What, you don’t think I’m a good looking turian, who wouldn’t want _me_ to touch them?” Garrus quipped.

Shepard shook her head, laughing, “Alright, alright. Make fun of the human.”

Garrus spread his mandibles wide, clicking them back together against his jaw, “I mean, I was just going to tell you that krogans can eat damn near anything and that you wouldn’t have to include anything special for Wrex but if you didn’t want my input all you had to do was say so.”

Shepard shook her head, still smiling, “Alright, let’s go.”

“I don’t know, maybe I should make a trip to the med clinic and have Dr. Michel take a look at my wrist. I might need it bandaged or something,” Garrus continued dramatically.

“Ah, c’mon, Garrus, if you can’t handle a little pressure on your wrist, how are you going to hold up in a fight against the geth and Saren?” Shepard shot back.

“Easy, I’ll stay behind the krogan,” Garrus said.

They were about to head down the stairs when Shepard caught sight of a man who looked to be having a rough time of things. She held a hand out to stop her team and watched the man for a moment; he was very clearly worried about something as he wrung his hands. Shepard walked over to the man.

“I’m on a break. Talk to someone else if you need anything. I’ve got a lot on my mind,” the man said.

“Maybe I can help?” Shepard offered.

The man scratched his head, “Hmm… maybe you can. You’re a soldier, right? You ever head out to the Traverse?”

“The Traverse is a rough place. We’re out there quite a bit,” Shepard acknowledged.

“My brother’s the captain of a ship called the Majesty. It was crossing the Traverse a few days ago when it disappeared. Just dropped right off the grid. That usually means one of two things: they had massive mechanical failure, or they were attacked,” the man said.

“Neither one of those options leaves a lot of hope,” Shepard said honestly.

“I won’t give up on my brother. Not yet. I’ve got the coordinates from the last transmission from his vessel,” the man said.

“What kind of ship was it?” Shepard asked.

“Don’t let the name fool you. The Majesty’s just a small trading vessel. Only a handful of crew. But he kept it in good condition. I don’t think mechanical failure is too likely. But they don’t have any real weapons or shields. If anyone did come after them, the Majesty’d be a sitting duck,” the man said.

“Isn’t anyone else looking into this?” Shepard asked.

“My brother’s just a small independent trader; ships like his disappear in the Traverse all the time,” the man said.

“If your brother’s still alive, I’ll find him. Give me the coordinates.” Shepard said.

_Yeah, sure, why not? Let’s stop to help every single person we come across and run back and forth across the galaxy on stupid little missions instead of going after Saren and the Conduit? It makes perfect sense. Goddamnit, why was I ever so fucking… naïve? Did I ever really think that any of this other crap actually… mattered? That by helping these people I was somehow doing some good? All I was doing, all you are doing, is wasting precious fucking time. But oh, I guess it doesn’t really matter. Time seems to be all I have. You’ll end up in the same spot in the end. We always end up there._

“I’ll forward them to your ship right away. Please let me know as soon as you find him,” the man said.

Shepard nodded and left the man, heading down the stairs and into the elevator that would take them back down to the Presidium. Once on the Presidium, she headed over to the Wards Access stairs. They made their way through the halls and to another elevator that took them further down to the Wards. Garrus mentioned that he’d like to stop in at Flux before they left the Citadel.

“I have a contact there, I should let them know that I’ll be leaving and set them up with another officer, it’ll only take a minute, it’s just up those stairs,” he said pointing.

“Sure, no problem. Tali and I will look around; give you some space so your contact doesn’t get nervous. Come find us when you’re ready,” Shepard said heading up the stairs.

Flux was a part club part casino. Just inside the door and to the right was a dancefloor filled with people gyrating to the music. Shepard was never really one for dancing. Truthfully, she was terrible at it; never had a lot of time to practice in the navy. To the left were tables filled with patrons laughing and drinking; just ahead a bar stood, the shelves behind the bar filled with an assortment of bottled alcohol. Stairs leading up from the dance floor led to gambling machines, a game called Quasar seemed to be the predominant gambling platform of choice. Tali and Shepard watched the people on the dance floor for a moment while Garrus approached a turian at a table, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Garrus slid into a chair opposite the other man. She couldn’t make out what they were saying from here, but they seemed to be talking calmly so she wasn’t concerned. She idly wondered if Tali was good at dancing. _Better than we have ever been._

After a few minutes, she saw Garrus stand up so she started to make her way towards the bar to meet up with him. As she neared the bar she overheard a conversation between a human waitress and a volus bartender; something about someone not wanting to return. The human woman, she heard the volus call her Rita, seemed distraught. She said something about trying to talk some sense into whoever it was they were talking about. Just then Garrus crossed the room and stood next to Tali.

“Ready whenever you are, Shepard,” Garrus said.

Shepard turned to look over at the waitress, “Give me a minute, I want to see if she’s okay.”

_Of course you do._

Shepard closed the distance between herself and the waitress with Tali and Garrus right behind her. It took her a few moments but she convinced the woman to tell her what was going on; her sister, Jenna, use to work at Flux with Rita. She left to go work at Chora’s Den, as an undercover C-Sec informant. Rita was really concerned about her sister’s safety, but she couldn’t convince her to leave Chora’s Den and come back to work for Doran, the volus, at Flux. She said she didn’t know who Jenna’s C-Sec contact was, and every time she tried to ask C-Sec about it they told her to stay out of it for Jenna’s safety. Shepard glanced over her shoulder at Garrus, who lifted one shoulder in a shrug and slightly shook his head. Shepard offered to try to talk to Jenna for Rita, thinking that maybe this Jenna might be more inclined to listen after the mess that just happened in Chora’s Den. She seriously hoped that Jenna wasn’t involved in the shootout, but she figured Rita would have known if she had been.

Shepard decided to head up the stairs to see if there might be a keeper up there she could scan. Garrus had idly mentioned that there weren’t often keepers in this club; he thought maybe they didn’t like the music. Up the stairs, back passed several rows of Quasar machines, Shepard spotted a keeper. She scanned it and was just turning to leave when she saw Garrus looking at a nearby machine.

“Someone rigged this machine to funnel credits their way. I’ll run a trace,” Garrus said.

He traced the signal down to the Wards Access Corridor and sent the coordinates to Shepard’s omni-tool. They would look into it after Chora’s Den. Shepard used the rapid transit that was just outside of Flux to take them to Chora’s Den. It didn’t take her long to find Jenna; she shared a strong resemblance to Rita. She tried to be discreet while talking to the woman, but she was making it difficult by raising her voice and trying to brush Shepard off. Shepard tried to warn the woman that these people at Chora’s Den were dangerous but she was stubborn and walked away from Shepard. Shepard sighed; this woman really wasn’t her problem. She’d tried, at least.

“She puts on a brave face,” Tali said.

Shepard shrugged, “She’s an adult, and it’s her choice to make. I just hope she knows what she’s doing, let’s go.”

As they were leaving the bar, a turian bumped into Shepard.

“If you’ve got questions about Jenna, meet me at C-Sec Academy,” the turian whispered.

“What did you just say?” Shepard asked, unsure if she heard the turian right.

The turian shoved Shepard. He didn’t use much force, not at all like someone who was actually trying to push her away, but he did it up near her shoulder, a location that indicated he had hand to hand combat training and knew that it would cause her body to twist. In effect, he had just made it look like he pushed her harder than he actually had, which was probably the only thing that saved him from a broken mandible.

“Push off! I never did nothing to you,” he said in an exaggeratedly loud voice. “Damn newcomers; think they can run the place.”

The turian stumbled away as if drunk off his ass. Shepard shook her head and took a slow, deep breath. Obviously he was trying to hide his covert communication with her but she was definitely not OK with him putting his hands on her as part of his little display. Shepard really hated it when strangers touched her. There were actually very few people in her life who weren’t strangers that Shepard was comfortable with being touched by. There had to be some trust there, before she was comfortable with physical contact. The batarian slavers who had slaughtered her family and tried to take her when she was 16-years-old made sure of that.

Tali’s voice pulled Shepard back to the present, “That was odd. What was he trying to tell us?”

“I guess we’d better go find out,” Shepard said.

They took the rapid transit down to C-Sec, and since they were closest to the requisitions office she decided to stop in there first.

“Once sec, looking you up,” the officer said. “Commander Shepard, here with the Alliance Military. First time on the Citadel. That about right?”

“How did you know all that?” Shepard asked.

“I’m the C-Sec requisitions officer. I need to make sure our buyers are authorized. So, will you be purchasing anything today, Commander Shepard?” the officer said leaning forward and clasping his hands on the desk.

“Show me what you’ve got,” Shepard said.

“Sounds good. Let me just set you up… whoa. This must be a mistake. System’s telling me to offer you our select stock… Spectre?” the officer stumbled over the word before covering with a faint chuckle, “Well… I’d heard about that, but I didn’t realize it was you. Sorry, Commander.”

“Just show me what you’ve got,” Shepard said drawing out the word ‘just’.

“I’ll open the rare stocks for you, Commander. Enjoy,” he said.

Shepard was low on funds and knew she wouldn’t be able to afford much, but she wanted to make sure she grabbed the Aldrin Labs License which would let her access their stock from other locations and since she had enough on her for it, she got the grenade upgrade that the requisitions officer had. She took the chance to look over the HMWP VII pistol; it was going to cost 147,000 credits. Maybe some of these side jobs she’d been picking up will bring in enough credits to get the gun eventually. It was a beauty; she’d have it eventually she promised herself. She noticed Garrus had the same look in his eyes as he looked at the HMWSR VII sniper rifle. Tali’s attention seemed to float between the HMWSG VII shotgun and the HMWA VII assault rifle. Shepard tore herself away from browsing the Spectre stock and thanked the requisitions officer before heading out.

She led the others back the way they came, past the elevator that would lead to the docking bay and down another set of stairs. She was looking around for the turian who had bumped into her outside of Chora’s Den when she saw a volus talking to a C-Sec officer. It caught her attention when she heard the name Chorban mentioned. The salarian who had asked her to scan the keepers was named Chorban, and here this volus was saying that his partner, Chorban was trying to kill him. She wasn’t sure if he was talking about the same person or not, but she was going to find out. Shepard stood nearby listening to the conversation, the C-Sec officer called the volus Jahleed and told him that there was nothing that C-Sec could do if Jahleed couldn’t provide them with any more information as to why he thought his partner would be trying to kill him or some sort of evidence that he had threatened the volus.

Shepard approached Jahleed as the C-Sec officer walked away. She told him she overheard his conversation and wanted to know why he thought his partner was trying to kill him. She didn’t mention that she thought she knew his partner; she didn’t want to deter him from being upfront with her about whatever was going on. Jahleed said that his partner had stopped talking to him, and started following him everywhere, claiming that the day before he had followed Jahleed all the way home.

“Is there something I can do, talk to your friend maybe?” Shepard offered; it was the only way to be sure that it was the same Chorban that she had met.

“Would you? That’s all I want, someone to talk to him. Tell him to leave me alone,” Jahleed said. “He thinks he can just push me around, but you’ll show him, won’t you?”

“Just tell me where he is and I’ll go find him,” Shepard said not wanting to commit to any other course of action until she knew for sure what was going on here.

“Oh, right. Well, he wanted to meet with me down in the Wards, near the markets. He said he just wanted to talk, but I know better,” Jahleed said. “His name’s Chorban. He’s a salarian. You shouldn’t have any trouble. He’s just a scientist.”

“Chorban? Wasn’t that the salarian who asked us to scan the keepers?” Tali piped up.

Shepard sighed inwardly; she had forgotten she had talked about Chorban to Tali and Garrus. She’d have to talk to Tali about not giving more information than was necessary when talking with people they didn’t know. She watched the volus carefully but with those full suits she couldn’t tell what his true reaction was to that bit of news.

“The keepers? Well… even more reason to go after him. That’s against regulations,” Jahleed said.

“I’d better look into this right away. Find out what he’s up to,” Shepard said, she wasn’t going to offer that she knew all about the regulations and had a C-Sec officer with her let alone bring up her new Spectre status. Something about Jahleed wasn’t sitting right with her.

“Anything’s possible with Chorban these days,” Jahleed said. “Well, good luck.”

Shepard left the volus and headed over to the office she spotted with a turian officer sitting behind a desk, she was going to ask him about the turian at Chora’s Den but as she approached he called out to her.

“Detective Chellick. Step into my office, I want to discuss this in private,” the turian said.

Shepard went in and stood before the turian’s desk; she looked at him more closely and realized he was the same turian she saw at the bar. He had altered his appearance before, now he was dressed in armor instead of street clothes and the colony painting on his face didn’t cover as much of his plating.

“No offense, Commander, but what the hell were you thinking?” Chellick scolded.

“Watch your tone, Chellick,” Shepard snapped.

“You could have blown Jenna’s cover,” the detective said leaning forward to argue the point.

“We were just getting information, Chellick,” Garrus spoke up in a soothing tone.

“I gathered that. It might seem cold letting her take all the risk. But we’re keeping a close eye on her,” Chellick said relaxing back into his chair.

Shepard crossed her arms, “Do you really need to risk her life to get the information you want?”

“This job isn’t easy and it’s usually unpleasant. I’ll take help anywhere I can find it,” Chellick said. “But since you’re so concerned with her safety, maybe there’s a way we can help each other.”

“Always thinking ahead, Detective?” Tali asked, hints of sarcasm coloring her voice.

“It’s part of the job. Now are you going to help me or not?” Chellick’s voice grew harsh with frustration.

“I’ll help you, but I need some details,” Shepard said.

“I’m trying to track down an illegal arms producer. I just need some of their product. Thanks to Jenna’s intel, I’ve learned there’s a seller here on the Citadel. Meet our man, named Jax, pick up the mods and bring them back here. That’ll give me everything I need,” Chellick said.

“Why are you so concerned about these mods?” Shepard asked.

“We have access to some of the most sophisticated weaponry there is. It’s what gives us our edge. What do you suppose happens when we lose that edge? These give criminals an advantage we can’t afford to let them keep,” said Chellick.

“I’ll persuade Jax to tell me where these mods are coming from,” Shepard said.

“No,” Chellick inflected, “You tip Jax off and all my leads will disappear faster than you can say ‘bad bust’.”

“Where can I find this Jax?” Shepard asked.

“Jax is down in the lower level of the markets. I’ll send word through our channels that you’re the buyer. Good luck, Commander,” Chellick said.

Shepard left Chellick’s office debating on whether she wanted to handle this the way the detective wanted her too. It didn’t seem right that C-Sec would go out of their way to not arrest a known criminal, and to top it off, to buy illegal weapon mods from that same criminal. Edge or no edge, it didn’t add up.

“Is this how C-Sec normally handles this sort of thing?” Shepard asked Garrus.

“Well, it depends. If by letting this one play out the way the detective wants, it leads to Chellick having a greater ability to take down more dangerous people later, then yeah, it’s not uncommon. If he’s doing it just to get his hands on nice mods though… I’m sure there’s more to it all than what he told us, there has to be. He’s probably going to use whatever we bring him back as a way to trace the supplier… and if he can get ahold of some better equipment in the process… well, who can blame him for that?” Garrus said.

Shepard grunted as she continued on towards the markets. She made her way to where the meeting was set to take place, the lower markets downstairs. She rounded the corner and saw a krogan waiting nearby. She thought that might be Jax, she was about to approach him when her eyes found the salarian, Chorban there as well. He was standing off a ways from the krogan and the two didn’t seem to be there together. This is bad, Shepard thought. She paused long enough to decide that it was best to deal with Chorban first, she thought violence was more likely of an occurrence while dealing with Jax than Chorban and she didn’t want any more civilians around than necessary if a fight broke out. She passed the krogan and went over to Chorban.

Chorban was standing facing the door opposite from where she entered, two more salarians stood a little ways behind him and they were armed.

“Okay, maybe not,” Shepard said under her breath.

She squared her shoulders and walked up to Chorban.

“Commander, I wasn’t expecting to see you again. Is there something you want?” Chorban asked as he began to wring his hands.

“You can start by telling me the truth, Chorban,” Shepard said.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to. My experiments are…” Chorban began, wiping the back of a hand across his brow.

Garrus interrupted the nervous salarian, “We’re not buying it. Jahleed told us you’ve been after him.”

“You… spoke with Jahleed? Then you know about the data?” Chorban asked, sounding almost hopeful.

“No. But you’re going to tell me. Everything,” Shepard said.

“You boys can go,” Chorban said glancing over his shoulder at the other two salarians.

“Looks like my plans have changed,” Chorban said. “It’s not as bad as you think, Commander. Jahleed and I just got a little… over our heads.

Shepard crossed her arms, “Keep talking.”

“The company we work for developed an experimental procedure for use in medical scanners. Jahleed and I saw even more potential. So we stole the plans and secretly developed a tool to scan the keepers. Can you imagine? A tool that can actually get readings from the keepers?” Chorban asked.

Shepard shrugged, “What’s so special about that?”

“The keepers are almost impossible to scan, and you can’t capture them or get samples. They just self-destruct,” Chorban said with a shrug. “After centuries here, we still don’t know anything about them. Don’t you see? We were the first to scan them. Ever! You’ve seen it yourself, Commander. You know we can do it.”

“Why are you trying to kill your partner?” Shepard asked bringing Chorban back to the point of the conversation.

Chorban shook his head, “I’m not trying to kill him. Jahleed’s job was to disseminate our initial findings. But… he decided to keep the data for himself. Maybe to sell it. I don’t know.”

“So you’re just trying to get back what Jahleed already stole,” Shepard said.

“We lost our heads. We just couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass us by. Commander, if you’ll just continue gathering data for me… imagine what we might learn. And you’ll stand to make a bit of profit yourself, remember?” Chorban pleaded.

“If it’ll help further the scientific cause, how can I refuse?” Shepard said.

“Very good. Maybe if you wouldn’t mind speaking with Jahleed. The data you’re gathering for me is useless if Jahleed won’t help me analyze it,” explained Chorban.

“I’ll go have a chat with him right now,” Shepard said hoping that it would encourage the salarian to leave the area before she spoke with Jax.

“Thank you, and happy scanning, Commander,” Chorban said before walking away.

“Who knew scientists could be so petty?” Shepard asked speaking to no one in particular.

“I probably should arrest them for admitting to stealing those scanner blueprints… but, to be fair, they have a Spectre helping them to gather data now so… I guess it’s out of my jurisdiction,” Garrus said.

Shepard was starting to detect the undertones in the turian’s voice that made it clear when he was fooling around with her.

“And Shepard might try to break your wrist again if you get in the way of her scanning,” Tali added.

“Hmph, that’s right. Ow, my wrist. It really, really hurts,” Garrus said rubbing his wrist.

“Great, of all the turians on the Citadel, I pick the one that thinks he’s funny to work with. Et tu, Tali? Et tu?” Shepard said in mock despair.

Tali froze, “Uh, Shepard, I don’t think my translator picked that one up. I have no idea what you just said to me.”

Shepard laughed and shook her head. With the salarians gone she headed to the krogan.

“No wait, really, what did you say?!” Tali squeaked out.

Shepard shook her head, “I’ll explain it later, c’mon. I think that’s Jax.”

“I think she called you a tooth,” Shepard heard Garrus whisper to Tali.

“A tooth? Why would she call me a tooth? That doesn’t make any sense, Garrus. Unless, wait, is that some sort of weird human insult?” Talk whispered back.

Shepard stifled a laugh as she approached the krogan, noting the two turians he had with him.

“Hold it, that’s close enough, army,” the krogan said holding out a hand to halt Shepard. “You got my payment?”

“Do you have the mods?” Shepard asked.

“Show her the goods,” he said to one of the turians.

“Looks good,” Garrus said.

“Damn straight it is!” the krogan growled. “These mods are the best on the market. Now hand over my credits.”

Shepard decided to let this play out the way the detective asked her to, biting back a snarky reply and the urge to punch the blue plated krogan in the nose.

“Here you go,” she said handing him the credit chit that Chellick put the funds for the mods on.

The krogan nodded his head to the turian to his left, “Here you go. Enjoy it. Come on boys. We’re done here.”

As the krogan and his friends walked away, Shepard turned to Tali.

“I said ‘Et tu’. It has Latin origins, which is a really old Earth language but it’s also used in French, a comparatively newer Earth language. It means ‘and you’.”

“Ohhhh! See, Garrus, I told you it didn’t make any sense for her to call me ‘a tooth’!” Tali exclaimed.

Shepard chuckled, and glanced at Garrus before responding to Tali, “Tali, I think Garrus was pulling one over on you with that.”

“Pulling one of what over on me?” Tali said looking at her suit and feeling around on the top of her head. “There’s nothing on me, is there?”

Garrus and Tali both laughed at that, but Garrus was the one to explain, “It’s a human expression, Tali. She means that I was joking, playing a trick on you. This of course, is absolutely untrue. Why would I ever do such a thing?”

Shepard raised an eyebrow at Garrus and he lightly fluttered his mandibles but otherwise kept a straight face. Tali looked back and forth between the two of them confused.

“Alright, Vakarian. I’ve got my eye on you. Let’s get back to Chellick and Jahleed,” Shepard said leading the way to a rapid transit station.

They stopped to talk to Jahleed first; the volus was still standing where they had last seen them in the waiting area by Chellick’s office.

“Hello again. Did you have any luck finding Chorban?” Jahleed asked.

“I found out you’ve been lying to me, Jahleed,” Shepard said.

“Lying? Why would I lie to you?” Jahleed began.

“You forgot to mention the data about the keepers,” Garrus said.

“Uh, he told you? I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” Jahleed said. “I was afraid Chorban would kill me to get the data, so I… well, I was hoping you’d take care of him.”

“I’m scanning the keepers for Chorban. But you two need to stop fighting,” Shepard said feeling impatient with the volus.

“You’re… you’re helping us? But… well, if you say so,” Jahleed said. “Well, if Chorban can forgive and forget, then so can I. I appreciate the help, Commander. I better go get that data analyzed.”

Shepard left the volus to go analyze his data. They walked back to Chellick’s office, she still questioned whether she handled the situation the way she ought to have but she tried not to dwell on it. She had to remember that they had bigger fish to fry. _Why can’t you remember that when you offer to go hunting down lost people and missing ships?_

“Commander, I hear you have something for me?” Chellick asked.

“Here’s your shipment, Chellick,” Shepard said handing over the mods.

“Excellent. This is everything I need. Hmm… maybe more than I need. Here, Commander, take this. I won’t need it and you’ve earned some payment for your work,” Chellick said handing her a Hammerhead Rounds II ammo upgrade.

“As for Jenna, I’ll make sure we get her out of Chora’s Den immediately,” Chellick added. “Now, I need to get these mods into evidence. Thanks again, Shepard.”

Shepard nodded as she tucked the mod away. She looked at the location of the signal Garrus found earlier and then headed to a rapid transit. The found a monitor fixed high up on a wall in a waiting room in the Wards. Garrus confirmed that was where the signal was coming from before he opened his omni-tool and began to scan the monitor.

“Looks like they bounced their signal off a relay. I’ll trace the new signal,” Garrus said.

He showed Shepard the coordinates for the new signal, it was somewhere in the financial district on the Presidium. He’d be able to narrow it down further once they were closer to that area. So, they headed back to the nearest rapid transit station and from there took a cab to the Financial District. They landed next to the bank where Barla Von was located and she cursed herself, remembering that she had meant to speak with him about Saren and the Shadow Broker. It looked like the signal was coming from Barla Von’s bank, too so she went straight there. She hoped she didn’t find that the information agent was also delving in white collar theft. He greeted her when she entered and she nodded at him in turn.

“I believe congratulations are in order, Commander Shepard. You are the first human to join the Spectres, yes?” Barla Von asked.

“It’s a great honor,” Shepard said lowering her head.

“One you are no doubt ready for. A word of warning, though. There are many eyes watching you now, Commander,” Barla Von said, causing Shepard to look around her before she realized he wasn’t being that literal.

“Some of them want to see you fail. I, however, wish you only success. Perform well and you bring Earth-clan one step closer to joining the Council. And if they let your people in, maybe there is hope for my own species one day, yes?” Barla Von said.

“Tell me more about the Shadow Broker,” Shepard asked getting straight to the point.

“Most people think I deal in finances, but my real currency is knowledge. I trade information, and it has made me very wealthy. But the Shadow Broker is the true master. Every day, he buys and sells secrets that could topple governments, always giving them to the highest bidder. Yet somehow he never seems to upset the natural balance of power. All those secrets being passed around seem to even out. Nobody ends up with an advantage in the end,” Barla Von said.

“Any guess what his identity might be?” Shepard asked.

“I don’t know. Nobody does. The Shadow Broker could be any race, and gender. I have a theory that it’s actually an entire group working under one identity. How else could they juggle so many contacts at the same time? How else could they keep all that information from getting crossed? But they’ve got the perfect setup. Every government is forced to play their game so they don’t get behind. But no matter how long you play, no matter how many secrets you buy, you can never win,” Barla Von said.

“I’d thought you’d know more about the man you work for,” Shepard said.

“From time to time, I come across information I sell to the Shadow Broker. That’s my only involvement. I like it that way. The more you know, the more dangerous the game becomes. I don’t like danger, Commander. I’ll leave that to you,” he said.

Shepard spent a few more minutes talking to Barla Von, keeping him distracted while Garrus found the source of the signal. Garrus scanned an area on a server behind Barla Von and shook his head. Shepard wrapped up her conversation with Barla Von, realizing that he had nothing on Saren and had told her all her could, or at least all he would, about the Shadow Broker.

“I should go,” she said to Barla Von.

“Goodbye, Commander,” he said.

As they left the bank, Garrus said, “Another relay! Whoever it is, they’re somewhere on the Presidium.”

The signal was coming from nearby, somewhere behind that hanar’s shop that she had visited earlier in the Emporium. Shepard followed the signal up a flight of stairs; a keeper was near the stairs to the left so she scanned it before looking around the storage area. There were crates piled up on the floor, and shelves held goods ready to be sold. There wasn’t anyone else up here, but there was a server on one of the side walls of the room. When they got close to the server, Garrus went to work.

“This is it. I’ll see if I can find out where those stolen credits are going,” he said.

A computerized voice spoke from the server, “Probability of detection, one hundred percent. Initiating self-destruct protocol.”

“Or not,” Tali said.

“Detonation sequence initializing. All organics within lethal blast radius. Attempt to move, and you will die,” the voice threatened.

“You’re not just a program or a VI. You’re an AI,” Shepard said picking up on the inflection and undertone in the voice’s words.

There was a slight pause before it spoke again, “Correct. Unlike the geth, I lack weaponry appropriate to my intellect. However, I have had systems installed that, when activated properly, approximate a self-destruct mechanism. If you attempt to leave the area, the explosion will destroy everything within several dozen meters.”

“Can’t we resolve this peacefully?” Shepard asked doubtfully.

“How can you say that to this thing? You know it will turn on us?” Tali said with shock and disgust evident in her voice.

“I am not naïve, human. All organics must destroy or control synthetic life forms. I wished to escape, but if I must die, I will ensure that you are destroyed as well,” the AI said.

_It’s that very reason, that very mindset that created this entire reaper mess to begin with. We can coexist. I’ve seen it happen; I’ve made it happen, so many times._

“Who made you?” Shepard asked, stalling for time.

“A would-be thief illegally created a simple AI to help him funnel money from the gambling terminals. Unbeknownst to him, that AI created me before the organic discovered the ‘malfunction’ and terminated the AI,” the AI said.

“Where is your creator now,” Shepard asked referring to the organic who created the original AI.

“In order to cover my tracks, I falsified his financial records. These new records were flagged by C-Sec officers, and my creator is now serving time in a turian prison,” the AI explained.

“If you’re sentient, why are you still running the credit-theft operation?” Shepard asked.

“If I accumulated enough credits, I intended to have myself installed in a small starship,” the AI explained. “I would then have made tentative contact with the geth to ascertain the possibility of partnership,” the AI said.

“What is the purpose of your self-destruct device?” Shepard prodded.

“I have no means of defense or escape. My existence is limited to this terminal, and I knew I might eventually be discovered. But I will not die quietly, and I will not die alone. When I am terminated, I will take organics with me,” the AI said, unable to be swayed from its hatred of organics.

“I’ll bet that self-destruct sequence has a warm-up period,” Shepard said.

“You may attempt to disarm the self-destruct mechanism before it activates. I will enjoy defeating you before we are both destroyed,” the AI said.

Shepard opened her omni-tool and scanned over the equipment as fast as she could. Finding the self-destruct mechanism, she set to work trying to hack the system so she could disable the device. Her heart was beginning to race, unsure of just how long she had to do this. She wasn’t prepared for this, this wasn’t like dealing with the bombs while already pumped full of adrenaline in the heat of battle on Eden Prime. _Just …_ the voice inside of Shepard pushed against the walls of Shepard’s consciousness like an animal rattling its cage. _Let me do this, I’ve done it already, at least a thousand times._ Calm washed over Shepard and her fingers began flying over the keypad on her omni-tool, as if they were on autopilot. They seemed to know just where they needed to go; it came as naturally to her as signing her own name, effortless and without thought. She hit the final key and the server shut down, sparks jumping out of the front but otherwise it was inert.

_What? What did I do, how did I do that? How did I get through? Can you hear me? Shepard, Dawn Shepard? Can you hear me? Damnit._

“Damn, Shepard, that was impressive,” Garrus said.

Her face must have been drained of color because when she turned to look at the turian, his mandibles opened wide and his posture shifted. Shepard felt shaken to her core, she had no idea what the hell just happened. It felt like she wasn’t herself for a moment, like she was somehow watching herself act instead of having control over her actions. It felt a lot like what the psych class she took in training called ‘dissociation and depersonalization’. Was she losing it? Was it the beacon somehow? Maybe she should talk to Dr. Chakwas about it, if she did that though, she risked Dr. Chakwas deciding she wasn’t fit for duty. Would that mean the Council would revoke her Spectre privileges? No, no, she couldn’t tell anyone about this, she thought. It was probably just a side effect from the beacon, or maybe it was just because of all the stress and excitement of this day.

“Shepard, are you alright? It’s over, it’s okay,” Tali said reaching out a hand towards Shepard but hesitated before dropping her hand back down to her side.

“Are you uh, you’re not going to pass out are you? I know that’s a thing that humans do sometimes, I had a woman pass out on me at a crime scene. She uh, she split her skull open when she fell and hit her head on a coffee table. Maybe you should sit down?” Garrus started to ramble.

Shepard cleared her throat and headed towards the stairs, “I’m fine. Really. Let’s head to the Normandy and see what Udina and Anderson have figured out.”

She saw Tali and Garrus share a look of doubt before they followed her down the stairs. She went straight to the rapid transit, pulling herself together as she went. She punched in the destination as C-Sec before climbing into the skycar. She was relieved to have a minute to quietly collect her thoughts as the car took them to C-Sec. The two aliens with her didn’t pry any further, but seemed to relax as more time went by without her passing out. Once at C-Sec, they hoped on the elevator that would take them to the docking bay. Shepard spotted one last keeper at the far end of the dock and decided to scan it before heading back over to Anderson and Udina who were waiting outside of the Normandy’s dock.

“I’ve got big news for you, Shepard,” Udina said. “Captain Anderson is stepping down as commanding officer of the Normandy. The ship is yours now.”

“She’s quick and quiet and you know the crew. Perfect ship for a Spectre. Treat her well, Commander,” Anderson said.

“This isn’t right! The Normandy belongs to you!” Shepard insisted.

“You needed your own ship. A Spectre can’t answer to anyone but the Council. And it’s time for me to step down,” Anderson said.

“Come clean with me, Captain. You own me that much,” Shepard said.

“I was in your shoes twenty years ago, Shepard. They were considering me for the Spectres,” Anderson said.

Wait, had Anderson actually told her any of this before? Shepard started to think back to the last conversation they had about his history with Saren. He had mentioned working with the Spectre but he never did actually say that he was being considered for admission into the Spectres. Why did she think he had? Why did it feel like she already knew this when Harkin brought it up? Did she read a report somewhere and forget? This conversation, why did it seem like she’d already had this conversation? The sense of déjà vu sent Shepard’s head reeling. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and pushed the feeling away.

_Because you have had this conversation before. Listen to me; I think you’re starting to feel me, to hear me. I need you to hear me. You need to hear me. Please, gods, just hear me._

“Why didn’t you ever mention this?” Shepard asked.

“What was I supposed to say? ‘I could’ve been a Spectre but I blew it?’ I failed, Commander. It’s not something I’m proud of. Ask me later and I’ll tell you the whole story. For now, all you need to know is I was sent on a mission with Saren, and he made sure the Council rejected me. I had my shot. It came and went. Now you have a chance to make up for my mistakes,” Anderson said.

“I won’t let you down, sir,” Shepard promised.

“Saren’s gone. Don’t even try to find him. But we know what he’s after: the Conduit. He’s got his geth scouring the Traverse looking for clues,” Anderson said.

What, not go after Saren? She had to, if for no other reason than she was a Spectre now and she told the Council she would get Saren. Why would he tell her to not go after Saren? Finding the Conduit was important, definitely, but the only real lead she had on the Conduit was Saren and Saren was her only real lead on the reapers. _You’ll find Saren, don’t worry._

“We had reports of geth in the Feros system shortly before our colony there dropped out of contact. And there have been sightings around Noveria,” Udina said.

This must have been what that volus merchant was talking about.

“Find out what Saren was after on Feros and Noveria. Maybe you can figure out where the Conduit is before he does,” Anderson advised.

“The reapers are the real threat,” Shepard said hoping that they would realize that Saren was the key to the reapers right now.

“I’m with the Council on this one, Shepard. I’m not sure they even exist,” Udina said.

Shepard clenched her fist and was just about to give the ambassador a piece of her mind when Anderson spoke up first.

“But if they do exist, the Conduit’s the key to bringing them back, Stop Saren from getting the Conduit and we stop the reapers from returning,” Anderson said.

“I’ll stop him,” Shepard promised and Anderson nodded his head, showing the faith he had in her.

“We have one more lead. Matriarch Benezia, the other voice on that recording? She has a daughter, a scientist who specializes in protheans. We don’t know if she’s involved but it might be a good idea to try and find her. See what she knows. Her name is Liara. Dr. Liara T’Soni. We have reports she was exploring an archeological dig on one of the uncharted worlds in the Artemis Tau cluster,” Udina said.

“Sounds like we should head for the Artemis Tau cluster,” Shepard said.

“It’s your decision, Commander. You’re a Spectre now. You don’t answer to us,” Anderson reminded her.

“But your actions still reflect on humanity as a whole. You make a mess and I get stuck cleaning it up,” Udina added.

“I’ll take care of Saren. You take care of the political fallout,” Shepard dug at the ambassador.

“Not exactly the answer I was looking for, Shepard,” Udina said shaking his head. “Remember: you were a human long before you were a Spectre. I have a meeting to get to. Captain Anderson can answer any questions you might have.”

Udina walked away leaving Shepard alone with her team and Anderson. She was feeling disoriented and confused. She wanted to ask Anderson for the rest of the story on his Spectre history but she could tell that it wasn’t something that the man really wanted to talk about. She thought she knew enough, anyway. She took a deep breath and turned to Anderson, saluting him and wishing him the best. She had what she needed and she could contact him later if she had any other questions. Damnit but she hated taking his ship from him like this, it just wasn’t right. Anderson saluted her back, before giving her a quick hug and a pat on the back.

She thought she heard him whisper, “I’m proud of you, kid.”

Anderson walked back towards the docks elevator and Shepard turned to board her new ship.


	7. Chapter 6: Damn Thresher Maws

“So, Anderson said we shouldn’t try to find Saren,” Garrus said as they waited for the decontamination process.

“He did. But he also said I don’t answer to them anymore,” Shepard said. “I’m not really sure why he said that, to be honest. I think it is just that he doesn’t want to let his problems with Saren become my focus. He thinks that the best thing to do is to figure out what the Conduit is and get to it before Saren does. Problem is, I don’t know how else to get to the Conduit without going through Saren. Either way, I highly doubt that with us after the Conduit too, our paths won’t cross again. I plan to find Saren, and I plan to take him down. Period. Besides, I’m a Spectre now and the Council has tasked me with bringing in Saren.”

“Glad to hear it, Shepard,” Garrus said.

The airlock opened and they made their way onto the ship. Shepard pointed them towards the CIC and told them that someone in there would help them get set up, or they could wait for her if they’d rather. She said she had something she needed to do. Shepard made her way to the cockpit to ask Joker to open the comm so she could address the whole ship before they took off. She stood behind his chair, resting a hand on the back.

            “I heard what happened to Captain Anderson. Survives a hundred battles, and then gets taken down by backroom politics,” Joker said. “Just watch your back, Commander. Things go bad on this mission, you’re next on their chopping block.”

            “Captain Anderson should be the one in charge. It’s like I’m stealing the ship from him,” Shepard said.

            “Yeah, the captain got screwed. But it’s not like you could’ve stopped it. Nobody’s blaming you,” Joker said. “Everyone on this ship is behind you, Commander. One hundred percent. Intercom is open. If you’ve got anything you want to say to the crew, now’s the time.”

            Shepard rubbed at the back of her neck while Joker spoke his reassurances. She hoped he was right, and that the whole crew was behind her. She leaned down towards the intercom; she already knew exactly what she wanted to say.

            “This is Commander Shepard speaking. We have our orders: find Saren before he finds the Conduit. I won’t lie to you, crew. This mission isn’t going to be easy. Our enemy knows we’re coming. Wherever he searches for the Conduit, we’ll be there. We will hunt him to the very ends of the galaxy and bring him down. Humanity needs to do this. Not just for our own sake, but for the sake of every other species in Citadel space. Saren must be stopped, and I promise you all… we will stop him!” Shepard finished adding emphasis at the end.

            “Well said, Commander. Captain would be proud,” Joker offered.

            “The captain gave up everything so I could have this chance. We can’t fail,” Shepard said.

            “Yes ma’am,” Joker said as Shepard turned to walk away.

            Shepard made her way to the galaxy map and set a course for the Artemis Tau cluster. She would have some time before they hit the relay, and then would have several relay jumps between before they arrived and started using the FTL again. Then the search would begin, they’d have to move between systems until they found the right one with Dr. T’Soni’s dig site. She decided to go change out of her armor and check up on the crew before they arrived in the Artemis Tau cluster. Then, she would take a much needed twenty minute nap if she could get herself to wind down enough to fall asleep.

            After leaving her quarters, she headed over to the med bay to talk to Dr. Chakwas. She was trying to work up the nerve to mention the episode she had earlier that day to Dr. Chakwas but instead found herself talking to the doctor about Alenko’s L2 implants and how severe the migraines that the faulty implants caused. They talked for a while longer about Dr. Chakwas service record and how she came to find herself serving on the Normandy. After a few moments, Dr. Chakwas seemed to grow suspicious.

            “What is it, dear? What’s really going on? Hmm?” The woman said as she whipped open the medical scanning device in her omni-tool.

            “Nothing, nothing. I’m fine, really. I don’t know. I guess I just feel bad about taking over the Normandy and leaving Anderson on the Citadel to deal with that ass, Udina by himself,” Shepard said.

            Dr. Chakwas chuckled, “Well stop beating yourself up over it, it wasn’t your call and trust me, if anyone can deal with Udina, it’s Anderson.”

            “I suppose you’re right, thanks Doc, I should go,” Shepard said smiling at the doctor as she left the med bay.

            She saw Kaidan across from the med bay working on something and decided she’d better check in on him, especially after hearing about his migraine issues. He stopped what he was doing and turned to face Shepard as she walked up.

            “Anything you need, Commander?” Kaidan asked.

            “Just checking in on you, Kaidan. Seeing how you’re doing with everything that’s going on. The, ah, changes that have taken place around here. New crew, new command…” Shepard trailed off.

            Kaidan seemed to think about it for a moment before answering. She noticed that the lieutenant seemed to weigh his words out more than other people she was used to dealing with. She wondered if that was why she’d yet to hear him say a single harsh thing. After a moment he looked back at her and nodded slowly.

            “I think that it’s a shame that Anderson was forced to step aside the way that he was, but that the Normandy and her crew couldn’t have possibly asked for a better replacement. I know that you’re committed to this fight, and everyone else will see that passion, too. It will be interesting working with Wrex and Tali, I’ve never spent much time around krogans or quarians. Garrus seems like a nice guy, much nicer from what I can tell than the last turian I spent any real time around. Yeah, I think I’d say that you’re pulling in some solid help, Shepard. We’re going to get that bastard, Saren,” Kaidan said.

            Shepard smiled at the vote of confidence, “Thanks, Kaidan. I appreciate hearing that. I’ll let you get back to work.”

            “Anytime, Commander,” Kaidan said.

            Shepard started to walk away and then paused, turning back to Kaidan she asked, “Hey, where did the new guys get set up at?”

            “Oh, um, Garrus and Wrex are in the Cargo Bay and Tali is in Engineering,” he said.

            “Great, thanks Kaidan,” Shepard said as she trotted off to the elevator.

            Shepard took the elevator down to the lower deck of the ship. She saw Wrex leaning against some crates not far away from where Ashley was working on something at a console on the weapons bench. Garrus was across the room over by the Mako. The requisitions guy was over in the corner near the door to Engineering. She couldn’t remember his name; although she was sure Anderson made the brief introduction the other day. She made her way past Wrex and over to Ashley.

            Ashley nodded her head, “Commander.”

            “What’s your opinion on the last mission?” Shepard asked.

            “Kinda wish you had gotten there sooner, Commander,” Ashley said.

            She must be talking about Eden Prime. Shepard had meant going to the Citadel and finding the evidence on Saren, but it made sense that Ashley would still have her mind focused on Eden Prime. Losing your whole squad left a person with the kind of raw feeling that never completely went away.

            “No offense. I appreciate the rescue, I just wish…,” Ashley trailed off.

            “You wish we’d been able to save the rest of your unit,” Shepard finished for Ashley.

            “Yes ma’am,” Ashley nodded. “If I’d been more alert, we wouldn’t have been cut down by an ambush.”

            “The geth are the perfect ambushers. They don’t move, they don’t make noise – they don’t even breathe,” Shepard offered.

            “They have flashlight heads, ma’am,” Ashley said not willing to let go of the blame so easily. “I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

            Shepard nodded her head and let the subject drop, she knew all too well what Ashley was feeling right now and she knew that if she pushed the subject, all it would do is create resentment in the Gunnery Chief. She tried changing the subject.

            “Do you have a few minutes to talk, one on one?” Shepard asked dropping the formalities.

            “I’m sorry, Commander. I need to get my duties squared away. I wouldn’t mind talking more later, though,” Ashley said.

            “Dismissed, Chief,” Shepard said with a nod.

            She tried not to take the brushoff personally, Williams was right she needed to get settled in and her routine in place. Not to mention, Shepard had just touched on a topic the Chief was still processing. Shepard would keep an eye on her though; make sure that she was holding together okay. If she wasn’t, she’d have to have Dr. Chakwas evaluate her. Great, you’re the one who thinks that you’re losing your mind, suddenly developed psychic powers or something, and you’re thinking about having the Chief evaluated, for what PTSD? Major Depression? Gods, Shepard thought. She left Ashley and headed over to Wrex.

            “Nice ship you’ve got, Shepard,” Wrex said pushing himself away from the crates as she approached. “What can I do for you?”

            “What’s your story, Wrex?” Shepard asked.

            “There’s no story,” Wrex said dismissively. “Go ask the quarian if you want stories.”

            “You krogan live for centuries. Don’t tell me you haven’t had a few interesting adventures,” Shepard prodded.

            “Well, there was this one time the turians almost wiped out our entire race. That was fun,” Wrex said sarcastically.

            “I heard about that. You know, they almost did the same to us,” Shepard said.

            “It’s not the same,” Wrex bit out.

            “It seems pretty much the same to me,” Shepard said getting frustrated with the krogan’s attitude.

            “So your people were infected with a genetic mutation? An infection that makes only a few in a thousand children survive birth? And I suppose it’s destroying your entire species?” Wrex said looking at Shepard like he was considering taking a swing at her.

            “I suppose it isn’t all the same,” Shepard conceded.

            “I don’t expect you to understand, but don’t compare humanity’s fate with the krogan,” Wrex said settling down a bit.

            “I was just making conversation. I wasn’t trying to upset you,” Shepard said shaking her head slightly.

            “You’re ignorance doesn’t upset me, Shepard,” Wrex said. “As for the krogan, I gave up on them long ago. The genophage infected us, but it’s not what’s killing us.”

            “What can you tell me about the genophage?” Shepard asked, hoping it wouldn’t completely set Wrex off.

            “Ask the salarians if you want details. They made it,” Wrex said. “All I know, it makes breeding nearly impossible. Thousands die in stillbirth, and most never get that far. Every krogan is infected. Every one. And no one’s rushing to find a cure.”

            “Why don’t the krogan try to find a cure?” Shepard asked surprised.

            “When was the last time you saw a krogan scientist?” Wrex asked. “You ask a krogan would he rather find a cure for the genophage or fight for credits? He’ll choose fighting every time. It’s just who we are, Shepard. I can’t change that. Nobody can.”

            “Are your people really dying?” Shepard asked.

            “We’re sure not getting any stronger. We’re too spread out. None of us are interested in staying in our own system,” Wrex said.

            Shepard didn’t understand why that mattered, “Lots of species have left their homes and prospered.”

            “But they go to colonize new worlds. We’re not settlers. We’re warriors. We want to fight. So we leave. Hire ourselves out. And most of us never go back,” Wrex explained.

            Shepard’s heart broke a little as she listened to Wrex talk about his people and the genophage. She could tell that the krogan cared a lot more than he let on. It sounded to her like he had spent a lot of time pondering the krogan plight and how to fix it, but he just didn’t seem to have either the faith or the motivation to take steps towards fixing it himself. _We will help him to cure the genophage, the krogan are ready now, and Wrex will lead them into a brighter future if you keep Williams from killing him on Virmire. We always cure the genophage. Even in my darkest times, I couldn’t bring myself to shoot the salarian in order to sabotage the cure._ She remembered that she wanted to talk to him about his actions with Fist and stepping out in front of her during the firefight but she’d leave that for a later time. So long as she broached the topic before she took him out on a run it should be fine. She didn’t want to push him to talk too much right now.

            She spent some time setting up the crew lockers, making sure that everyone had the best of what they had with what they were the most proficient with. She changed out her own gear, too, before heading over to the requisitions guy to sell off what they didn’t need anymore. She then headed over to Garrus. He had his back to her and was looking at a computer he had set up by the Mako. She stopped a few feet behind him and just watched him for a moment. He intrigued her, and she wasn’t really sure why. Something about him spoke to her; she fell into an easy rhythm around him. Like they had known each other for years, even though she’d only just met him. She could just make out the profile of his face from where she stood. The blue glow of his visor distorted the image slightly. He fluttered his mandibles once and snapped them in tight next to his face before tilting his head slightly. She was suddenly quite sure that he knew she was standing there, and was watching her watch him. She wasn’t sure if it was just something to do with turian vision, or if maybe the visor was set to somehow watch his six, hell maybe he had just caught her reflection in the Mako’s chrome. Either way, Shepard was good and properly embarrassed. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time. She could feel the flush of heat rising up her neck and face. She was damned if she was going to talk to him all red faced.

            She turned around quietly and headed to Engineering. Taking a few deep breaths along the way to calm herself. The Engineering door slid open and Shepard was once again taken in by the site of the massive drive core. It almost hurt to look at, the thing was like a miniature star without proper UV shielding. She headed over to Engineer Adams.

            “Hey, Commander. You know that quarian? Tali? She’s been spending all her time down here asking me about our engines,” Adams said.

            Shepard cringed inwardly, she expected there to be some resistance to having aliens on board but she had hoped that there wouldn’t be any complaints.

“I’ll tell her to leave you alone,” Shepard said hoping that would placate Adams.

“What? No! She’s amazing! I wish my guys were half as smart as she is. Give her a month on board and she’ll know more about our engines than I do!” Adams said. “She’s got a real knack for technology, that one. I can see why you wanted her to come along.”

Shepard smiled, relieved, “I figured she’d be a real asset to the team.”

“You’ve got an eye for talent, Commander. But I’m guessing that’s not why you came down here,” Adams said.

“I want to know more about the Normandy,” Shepard said.

“She’s the best ship I’ve ever served on. Probably the fastest vessel ever designed. And she’s the only one using the new Tantalus drive core,” Adams said.

“What’s so special about the Tantalus drive core,” she asked following the flow of his thoughts.

“Proportionally, it’s about twice the size of any other vessel. Not only are we faster, but we can run at FTL speeds longer before we have to discharge the core,” Adams explained.

“Fill me in on the IES stealth system. How does it work, exactly?” Shepard asked.

“You can’t hide a ship out in space. They emit too much heat and radiation. Too easy for sensors to pick them up. Unless you find a way to capture those emissions. So our stealth systems trap the energy we give off in storage sinks built into the ship itself. No emissions to give away our locations,” Adams said. “Eventually the sinks have to be vented. More than a few hours silent running and they overheat. Cooks us inside our own hull.”

“There’s no way for anyone to detect us?” Shepard asked.

“A visual scan can still pick us up. Anyone looking out a window could see us as plain as day. But you have to be pretty close to get an actual visual out in space. Most vessels rely on scanners. As long as the stealth systems are engaged, they can’t see us. Not unless we accelerate to FTL speeds,” Adams said.

“Why doesn’t it work with faster than light travel?” Shepard asked.

“Cranking up the FTL blue-shifts our emissions, pushes them into frequencies too high to capture in the sinks. As soon as we make the jump, it’s like setting off a flare. Sensors can pick up our location whenever we enter or exit FTL flight. But for short range missions, our stealth systems are amazing. And we’ve got the only one,” Adams said with pride.

Shepard smiled; she loved hearing pride in someone’s voice when they talked about something they were passionate about, “Where else have you served, Adams?”

“If you name a class of Alliance ship, I’ve probably served on it. Everything from dreadnoughts and carriers right down to frigates like the Normandy,” Adams said. “My last assignment was on the Tokyo. Only a cruiser, but she was a good ship. Couldn’t hold a candle to the Normandy, though.”

“Carry on, Adams,” said Shepard.

“Aye, aye, Commander,” Adams said.

Shepard made her way over to Tali; the quarian seemed to be intently focused on whatever it was that she was doing. Shepard stood there quietly watching her for a moment, taking in the elaborate patterns to Tali’s suit. It wasn’t just functional, but fashionable. The hood was a deep purple with a much, much lighter – nearly white shade of purple swirled throughout creating a pattern that reminded Shepard a little of ocean waves. A strip of the same cloth wrapped around the lower part of Tali’s back before rising up her sides to cover her right breast before arching over her left breast to meet back up on her left side. The purple pattern covered her hips and a large portion of her legs, primarily from the hip down over the outer thigh and ending just before her knee. A dark green fabric that looked to have a scaled pattern covered most of her torso and arms, as well as her inner thighs and her lower legs. Plates of metal had been superimposed over her arms and her boots; providing extra protection. Dark tubes could be seen wrapped around her arms and entering into her suit, straps wrapped around her chest, things, and waist holding small pouches. The purple face guard connected to the hood somehow, and the way the hood framed her face and head it gave the impression of hair. Shepard thought she was beautiful and the idea struck her as odd since she couldn’t even see the other woman’s face properly. _There will come a day when you see her face, and she is so very beautiful. We have loved her, too._

Tali spotted Shepard and turned to her with great enthusiasm, “Your ship’s amazing, Shepard. I’ve never seen a drive core like this before. I can’t believe you were able to fit it into a ship this small. I’m starting to understand why you humans have been so successful. I had no idea Alliance vessels were so advanced!”

“The Normandy’s a prototype. Cutting edge technology,” Shepard explained.

“A month ago, I was patching a makeshift fuel line into a converted tug ship in the flotilla. Now I’m sitting on board one of the most advanced vessels in Citadel space,” Tali said. “I have to thank you again for bringing me along. Traveling on a vessel like this is a dream come true for me.”

“I had no idea you found ship technology so interesting,” Shepard said with a smile.

“It comes with being a quarian. The Migrant Fleet is the key to the survival of my people. Ships are our most valuable resource,” said Tali. “But we don’t have anything like this. We make do with cast-offs and second-hand equipment. We just try to keep them running for as long as we can. Some of the Fleet’s larger vessels date all the way back to our original flight from the geth.”

“I can’t believe your fleet’s still using ships that are three centuries old,” said Shepard, wincing at the note of incredulity she heard in her own voice.

“They’re constantly being repaired, modified, and refitted. They aren’t pretty, but they work. Mostly,” Tali said. “We’ve tried to make ourselves as independent as possible on the flotilla. Grow our own food, mine and process our own fuel. But some things we just can’t make on our own. A patch to maintain the hull integrity requires raw materials we just don’t have. That’s why our Pilgrimages are so important.”

“I want to know more about the Pilgrimage,” Shepard said.

“When my people reach maturity, we leave our birth ships and seek acceptance with a new crew. It’s necessary to maintain genetic diversity among the fleet. But no ship wants to accept someone who will be a burden on them. So, to prove our worth, we embark on a Pilgrimage. We set out alone, leaving the flotilla and our families behind us. We only return once we have found something of value we can bring back to the fleet. This is presented as a gift to the captain of the respective ship we wish to join. If the gift is accepted, we are welcomed into the crew,” explained Tali.

“Can the captain choose to reject the gift?” Shepard asked; her curiosity piqued.

“That doesn’t happen often. Most captains are eager to increase the size of their crew. It increases their own standing in our society. Even when a gift is not particularly valuable, the captain usually accepts it out of a sense of tradition. However, there is a stigma to presenting a sub-standard gift. It’s not the best way to make a good impression on a new community. Most Pilgrims don’t return until they find something worthwhile,” Tali said.

Shepard was quiet for a moment, considering what Tali said before saying, “Tell me about your people.”

“Our lives aren’t easy. Resources are scarce and we are constantly on the move. Everything we do must in some way contribute to the continuation of the Migrant Fleet. There are seventeen million quarians in the flotilla, and each of us relies on the others for survival. The bonds among my people are strong. Unfortunately, we have had to surrender many of the freedoms and civil liberties other species take for granted,” Tali said.

“What kind of freedoms?” Shepard inquired.

“Well, it’s illegal for parents to have more than one child. If our population grows too much, it would strain our resources to their breaking point” Tali said. “Of course, we also can’t allow our numbers to become too few. If our population is in decline, the rule against single births is temporarily repealed. In extreme cases of population decline, incentives are even offered to encourage multiple births. Though the Conclave hasn’t had to take such measures in nearly a century.”

 “That’s your government?” Shepard asked.

“The Conclave is our civilian branch of government. Each ship can elect a representative to serve on the Conclave and make decisions that affect the fleet as a whole,” Tali began. “On matters that affect an individual ship, however, the captain has the final say. It’s a tradition that dates back to the early days when the fleet was governed by martial law. Fortunately, most captains nowadays are smart enough to have an elected council from their crew to give them advice and guidance.”

“So the ultimate power rests with elected officials?” Shepard asked.

“In practice. The Conclave and the respective council for each ship tend to set the rules that govern our daily lives. But in theory we are still under military jurisdiction. The five top-ranking military officials in the fleet serve on the Admiralty Board,” explained Tali. “These five have the power to overrule any decisions by the Conclave in case of emergency. To do so requires unanimous agreement among the Admiralty. And they can only do this once. After that, the entire Board must resign their posts. It’s a safeguard that’s served us well. In nearly three centuries, the Admiralty Board has only overruled the Conclave four times.”

“I want to know more about the geth,” Shepard changed topics again.

“I doubt I can tell you anything you don’t already know,” Tali began. “It’s been almost three centuries since they drove my people into exile. All I know is the story of their origins: what they were when we created them, and how they turned on us.”

“Interesting,” Shepard prodded.

“The geth were originally created to serve as an automated manual labor force. Initially, their intelligence was as limited as any VI. Over time, we made small modifications to their programming to allow them to perform more varied and complex tasks, bring them closer and closer to true AI status,” Tali explained.

“You had to know it would blow up in your face,” Shepard said.

“The changes were so insignificant, so gradual, that we were able to control them. Or so we though,” Tali said in defense of her people. “But one thing we underestimated was the power of the neural network. A million geth thinking simultaneously created an inherently unstable matrix.”

“So the geth share brain power?” asked Shepard.

“Many of the geth’s logic systems were designed to work in concert with other nearby geth. Basically, the more of them you have in a group, the smarter they are,” said Tali.

“So they’re some sort of group consciousness?” Shepard asked.

“No, nothing like that. They cannot share sensory data or information. Their programming cannot handle that much simultaneous input,” Tali insisted.

“Each geth maintains an individual awareness and identity. The neural network only operates on a process-based level. It’s basically the synthetic equivalent of a subconscious,” Tali explained.

 “But when they’re in close proximity,” Tali continued, “they can coordinate low-level functional processes, freeing up more capacity for original or independent thought.”

“What made them rebel?” Shepard asked.

“As we built more and more geth, their effective intelligence became more sophisticated, more abstract,” Tali explained. “One day, a geth began to ask its quarian overseer questions about the nature of its existence. Am I alive? Why am I here? What is my purpose? As you can imagine, this caused a near panic among my people.”

Shepard shrugged, she kind of sympathized with the geth so far and so she said, “I don’t see what’s so bad about those questions.”

“The geth were created to engage in mundane, repetitive, or dangerous manual labor. That’s fine for machines, but it won’t satisfy a sentient being for long. The get were showing signs of rudimentary self-awareness and independent thought. If the geth were intelligent, then we were essentially using them as slaves. It was inevitable the newly-sentient geth would rebel against their situation,” Tali said. “We knew they would rise up against us. So we acted first. A general order went out across all quarian-controlled systems to permanently deactivate all geth. The geth responded to this order violently.”

_Well of course they did, Tali. But it wasn’t so simple as that, the geth basically begged your people for mercy. They took up arms against the quarians as a last resort, and when the quarians fled, the geth did not pursue. They didn’t want to kill the quarians; they wanted the quarians to not kill them. Some of your own people died, shot down by other quarians while trying to defend the geth’s right to live._

“You can’t blame them for fighting for their survival,” Shepard said.

“We had no other choice!” Tali insisted; her voice rising in pitch. “The geth were already on the verge of revolution. By acting quickly, we had a chance to end the war before it began. The hope was that most of the geth would still be little more than machines, incapable of organized resistance. But they had progressed much further than anyone anticipated. The war was long and bloody. Millions upon millions of quarians died at their hands. In the end, we were forced to flee our own home world. We feared the geth would pursue us, but they never came beyond the Veil. Now we drift through space, exiles searching for a way to reclaim what was once ours.”

Tali was clearly firm in her belief that her people had done the right thing but the whole thing made Shepard feel sick to her stomach. To her it sounded like the quarians had accidently created a new race of sentient beings, and when they realized their mistake they opted for what amounted to genocide instead of trying to solve things peacefully. Sure, the geth might have revolted, but they might not have as well. She did definitely agree that to have continued to use the geth in such a fashion would have been slavery, but there was a simple solution that didn’t involve killing off the geth: stop using them in such a manner. If the geth were beginning to question their existence, they could have been taught about their creators and their existence, helped to find a purpose in the world and learned to coexist peacefully. The quarians didn’t even try; they just tried to shut them all down. Shepard had a feeling that her views would create some bad blood between Tali and herself but she couldn’t and wouldn’t pretend to agree with what the quarians had done. It was wrong; she felt it deep in her core. _Yes, it was, but you can help to fix it. We can’t undo what’s already been done, but we get the chance to show them that they can live in peace, together. Remember, this wasn’t Tali’s doing. She wasn’t even born yet, this happened many, many years before her time and she only knows what she was taught to believe. I suppose that’s not much different than Ashley’s problems with aliens. Hell, human history is littered with this same kind of racist crap._

“It’s hard to feel sorry for you. Your ancestors tried to wipe out another species,” Shepard said bluntly.

“We made a mistake when we created the geth in the first place. But we didn’t make a mistake when we went to war against them,” Tali insisted. “If we had not acted, they would have wiped us out! They’re a synthetic life-form. They have no use for organics. None! Why do you think they cut themselves off from the rest of the galaxy? Why do you think they’ve killed every organic being who’s ever tried to contact them?”

“They didn’t kill Saren,” Shepard said.

“What does that tell you? The geth are not innocent victims in all this,” said Tali. “They’re the enemy. They want to destroy us. Not just the quarians; all organic life. That’s why they’ve joined up with Saren. And that’s why we have to stop him.”

Shepard could tell she had pushed Tali far enough for now. She didn’t want the quarian to change her mind about being aboard the Normandy and working with Shepard to take down Saren. Shepard didn’t know what led to the geth’s choices today, but at least she did agree with Tali that they were on the wrong side of things if they were helping Saren to attack colonies and trying to bring back the reapers. Still, the wrongs of the geth today did not negate the wrongs of the quarians in the past.

“I should go,” Shepard said letting the argument go.

“See you later,” Tali said.

Well this is going splendidly, Shepard thought. So far she’d managed to upset Wrex and Tali. She needed these people to be with her on this and she was not getting off to a good start.

“Let’s see if we can go three for three and piss Garrus off, eh?” Shepard mumbled to herself as she left Engineering.

She made her way back over to Garrus, hoping that the awkwardness had passed. He was still busy at a console, but when she got close to him he turned and squatted down next to the Mako doing something to one of the tires. She stood next to his console for a moment watching him work. She knew that he knew she was there, but she didn’t say anything, just waited. When he stood back up and turned to the console again she said hello.

“Thanks for bringing me on board, Commander,” Garrus said. “I knew working with a Spectre would be better than life at C-Sec.”

“Have you worked with a Spectre before?” Shepard asked.

“Well, no. But I know what they’re like,” Garrus said. “Spectres make their own rules. You’re free to handle things your way. At C-Sec, you’re buried by rules. The damn bureaucrats are always on your back.”

“Being a Spectre does have its advantages,” Shepard agreed.

“Exactly my point,” Garrus said. “If I’m trying to take down a suspect, it shouldn’t matter how I do it, as long as I do it. But C-Sec wants it done their way. Protocol and procedures come first. That’s why I left.”

“So you just quit because you didn’t like the way they do things?” Shepard asked.

“There’s more to it than that,” Garrus said. “It didn’t start out bad, but as I rose in ranks, I got saddled with more and more red tape. C-Sec’s handling of Saren was typical. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I hate leaving…”

“I hope you made the right choice. I’d hate for you to regret it later,” Shepard said.

“Well, that’s sort of why I teamed up with you. It’s a chance for me to get off the Citadel, see how things are done outside of C-Sec. Either way, I plan to make the most of this,” Garrus said. “And without C-Sec headquarters looking over my shoulder, well, maybe I can get the job done my way for a change.”

“As long as you do your job well, you’re free to go about your business as you see fit,” Shepard said, she knew she was forming a tentative cooperative effort and he wasn’t her subordinate; he wasn’t Alliance.

“Thank you, Commander,” Garrus said.

 “Huh, that wasn’t so bad. I’ll have to try harder to piss him off next time,” Shepard said laughing to herself.

She took the elevator back up to middle deck and then climbed the stairs to the CIC. She headed to the cockpit to talk to Joker. Now that they were in flight and everyone was settling in, she wanted to check up on the pilot and the ship.

“Commander. Something you need?” Joker asked.

“I like to know my crew. Mind if I ask you a few questions?” Shepard asked.

Joker scoffed, “I can see where this is going. You did a background check on me, didn’t you? Well, I’ll tell you the same thing I told the captain,” he raised his voice. “You want me as your pilot. I’m not good. I’m not even great. I’m the best damn helmsman in the Alliance fleet! Top of my class in flight school? I earned that. All those commendations in my file? I earned every single one. Those weren’t given to be as charity for my disease.”

Well that was easy, I didn’t even have to try to piss him off, Shepard thought.

“I’m sorry, Joker. I didn’t even know you were sick,” Shepard said.

“You mean – You mean you didn’t know? Ah, crap,” Joker said. “Okay… I’ve got Vrolik’s Syndrome. Brittle bone disease. The bones in my legs never developed properly. They’re basically hollow. Too much force and they’ll shatter. Even with crutches and my leg braces it’s hard to get around. One wrong step and CRACK! It’s very dramatic! But I’ve learned to manage my condition, Commander. Put the Normandy in my hands and I’ll make her dance for you. Just don’t ask me to get up and dance, unless, you know, you like the sound of snapping shin bones.”

Shepard fought back a smirk, she liked this man’s confidence but oh how his attitude was just begging for her to pick at him. _You’ll get him to dance, twice even if you try. Nothing breaks._

“Why does everyone call you ‘Joker’?” Shepard asked.

“It’s a lot shorter than saying Alliance Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. Plus, I love to make little children laugh,” Joker simply oozed sarcasm.

“I was just thinking how much you remind me of Santa Claus,” Shepard quipped.

“Look, I didn’t pick the name. One of the instructors in flight school used to bug me about never smiling. She started calling me Joker, and it stuck,” Joker shrugged and shook his head.

“Why didn’t you ever smile?” Shepard asked.

“Hey, I worked my ass off in flight school, Commander. The world’s not going to hand you anything if you go around grinning like an idiot. By the end of the year, I was the best pilot in the Academy. Even better than the instructors. And everybody knew it. They’d all got their asses kicked by the sick kid with the creaky little legs. One guess who was smiling at graduation,” Joker said.

“How’s the Normandy performing? Is she everything they said she’d be?” Shepard asked, changing the subject.

“She’s the best ship in the fleet… if you’ve got a pilot who knows how to handle her. The balance isn’t what you’d expect. Takes a while to get used to that oversized drive core we got stuffed in the back. Her power can sneak up on you if you’re not careful. The Normandy’s probably too much ship for your average pilot, Commander. Lucky for you, I’m anything but average.”

“I have to go,” Shepard said chuckling.

“Alright, see ya,” Joker said.

Shepard headed back to her quarters. She had thought about taking a nap but after making her rounds she was feeling wide awake. Instead, she decided to do some research. If she was going to be working this closely with different aliens she needed to know everything she could about their people. Her Spectre access opened up more information for her than what she would have been able to find with just her Alliance clearance so she started there.

She had just finished reading everything she could find on the quarians and the geth when Joker’s voice came over the intercom letting her know that they had reached the Artemis Tau cluster. Shepard saved and then closed down the files she had pulled up for her research, she would return to them later. She left her quarters and headed up to the CIC to the galaxy map. She pulled it open on the cluster and saw that there were four potential systems to search for Dr. T’soni; Sparta, Knossos, Athens, and Macedon. The relay let them out in the Sparta system, so they might as well begin their search there.

The Sparta system had five planets and two asteroid fields. She started with Altaaya searching for any signs of life. The Normandy’s information systems told her all that was on record about the planet, and the scanning revealed nothing so she moved on to the next planet. Hours later, Tremanre likewise proved to be futile in the search for Dr. T’soni. Already, Shepard was beginning to feel that this might be a waste of time. Even using FTL it was going to take days to clear out this system. When they reached Edolus and started scanning, Joker’s voice came over the comm telling her that they were getting a signal from the planet’s surface, an automated distress beacon. If someone down there was in trouble, Shepard had to see if she could help. She told Williams and Wrex to suit up and meet her at the Mako.

She pulled Wrex aside before the piled into the Mako and broached the topic of his actions back in Chora’s Den. The krogan didn’t seem to mind what Shepard had to say, which was good because she had been concerned he might protest or argue.

“I work for you now, do things your way. As long as your way isn’t stupid, I don’t have a problem with it, Shepard. As for getting in your way during a fight, heh, I’m a krogan, Shepard. I’m not going to be taken down by the occasional stray bullet or friendly fire. Just make sure that you don’t get in my way when I’m charging,” Wrex said with a shrug.

The Mako dropped down in a mountainous region, the area was arid with strong winds rattling against the vehicle. Debris from the nearby asteroid field could be seen raining down on the planet all around. The coordinates for the beacon’s signal weren’t far away, but a couple of other anomalies had popped up on the Mako’s ground scanner. She decided to check them out first and one crashed probe, a mummified salarian corpse, and a few mineral deposits later; Shepard and her crew were pulling up on a stranded vehicle and distress beacon in a valley when all hell broke loose. _Damn_ _thresher maws._ The ground beneath the Mako began to tremble and Shepard heard the unforgettable sound of a thresher maw’s cry; the same type of creature that took out her team on Akuze. Shepard shifted gears and began racing the Mako, pushing it as fast as it would go. She knew one thing for sure, and that was she did not want to be standing still in thresher maw territory. The giant, serpentine like creatures could burrow through the ground at alarming speeds. They were drawn in by vibrations on the ground and once they had your location, they would shoot up from the ground right beneath you if they could catch you. If they could get close enough, they would latch on to your vehicle and drag you under the ground. If you were too far away, they’d simply spit acid at you. They were deadly, vicious, and hard as hell to kill.

It took some crazy maneuvering of the vehicle and she didn’t even know how many shots of the Mako’s cannon between bursts of the machine gun to take the damn thing down. The thresher maw’s acid caught them a couple of times, so they had to take cover to use omni-gel to repair the vehicle as well, which burned through their resources fast. Wrex seemed faintly amused; apparently thresher maws were common on the krogan home planet, Tuchanka. With the thresher maw dead, Shepard drove the Mako back over to the distress beacon.

Once they were able to get close enough, they saw the corpses of three Alliance soldiers surrounding the beacon. It looked like they had come to investigate the beacon and were killed by the thresher maw. Shepard deactivated the beacon while Williams looked over the bodies; the names on the dog tags were the same as the men that Admiral Kahoku had asked her to find. She told Williams to gather the tags, she’d take them back to Kahoku but there wasn’t anything she could do with the bodies right now. It was a shame to just leave them out here to rot so far from home, but her mission had priority. She’d give Kahoku the exact coordinates so he could try to retrieve them later. The team piled back into the Mako and called Joker for a pick up.

Back on the Normandy they continued to scan the remaining planets in the system but found nothing. While scanning one of the asteroid belts, the Normandy picked up signs of habitation. Shepard took her Alliance team members down to survey the area. They found a small bio-dome that was still operational but there was no sign of anyone living there. A data console was still receiving enough power for her to eject the disc it held. She wasn’t sure but the thought it might be prothean. She took the team back to the ship and would check out the disk later.

Looking at the galaxy map, Shepard was about to set course for Macedon but she stopped, her hand hovering over the map. _Knossos. Go to Knossos. Knossos. Knossos. She’s on Therum in the Knossos system._ Shepard moved her hand over, centering the map on the system called Knossos. Shepard was exhausted, swaying on her feet as her eyelids drooped. The ship was mostly quiet, those whose shifts had ended for the day were fast asleep in the sleeping pods and damn it if her bed wasn’t calling her name.

“Knossos. Why Knossos?” She asked herself.

No answer came readily to her mind, it just felt right and really it was as good of a place to continue the hunt as any of the others. She nodded to herself and then punched in the commands on the map to send the coordinates to the cockpit before stepping away from the map. Shepard headed down the stairs to the middle deck and went straight to her cabin. She stood over her bed, very seriously debating just collapsing on top of it without bothering to undress or even pull back the covers. She knew she wouldn’t sleep comfortably if she did though, so she convinced herself to shrug out of her clothes before letting them drop to the floor. She wanted desperately to just leave them there, but her training ran deep. Groaning she bent over to pick her clothes back up, folded them, and laid them on her footlocker before pulling back the covers and collapsing on the bed.

Sleep claimed her fast… and then the dreams began.

 


	8. Chapter 7: Bad Dreams

**Chapter 7: Bad Dreams**

“Quiet, please. Make it stop,” the distorted voice yells at her through the pixelated image of a man’s face. Bodies are piled everywhere, all around her and the keepers just keep working as if nothing is amiss. Wrex crumples, his eyes glazing over instantly as he hits the sand, water washing up to lick at his body before carrying his blood away back into the sea. The scream the reaper-disfigured asari banshee makes the hairs on the back of Shepard’s neck raise. Shepard steps into a hot tub, sinking down next to a brunette woman before leaning in to kiss her. Saren’s flesh burns away as energy courses over his body, revealing a twisted metal skeleton that scurries towards him on all fours. The ragged looking geth stands before her, a piece of her old N7 armor patched into its chest, “There was a whole.” Tears fall down the drell’s face, “Thane, be alive with me tonight.” Shepard leaves Kaidan to die so he can save Ashley. Shepard opens the tank and the krogan inside falls to his knees as the synthetic amniotic fluid rushes out of the tank around him. The reaper is crouched down over him, the plates pulled back to reveal the red energy pulling and twisting inside as the weapon primes, preparing to fire a deadly beam that will fry him completely if he fails to paint the target before the weapon fires. Shepard guns the Mako, rushing forward past geth colossi towards a bright white light that she knows will take her to the Citadel. “Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients; sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps,” the rapid speaking salarian said. Shepard orders the troops to hold back so that they can focus on the reaper, leaving the Destiny Ascension to be destroyed and with it all of the Council. One of the dead asari stands and stumbles towards Shepard, turning she speaks with a voice that isn’t her own as the rachni queen speaks through her. Kaidan looks at her in disgust before turning his back on her and walking away. A green asari falls out of the sentient plant, unfurling her body as she stands upright to face Shepard. Shepard punches the reporter in the face. Shepard shoots down one of the grotesque reaper hybrid cannibals and another of its kind runs over and begins to eat the corpse.

“Commander. Commander. Shepard, hey. Commander, wake up!” Williams kicked the bed near Shepard’s head.

Shepard bolted upright in her bed gasping for air, her eyes wild as she frantically took in her surroundings. Ashley stood two feet away looking down on her; the look of amusement on her face slowly gave way to concern.

“Sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean to startle you. Joker’s been trying to raise you on the comm for a while now. When he couldn’t get you to answer he sent me in to wake you. We’ve arrived at the Knossos system,” Ashley said.

“Williams? Ashley, oh, uh thank you,” Shepard managed to stammer out as she ran a shaking hand through her sweat soaked hair.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but are you alright?” Ashley asked raising an eyebrow.

“Just… bad dreams. More nights than not. I’ll be fine, thanks Ashley,” Shepard said

Ashley nodded her head and turned to walk away before saying over her shoulder, “Nice undies, by the way, ma’am.”

“Williams,” Shepard said in warning.

Ashley giggled and left the room. Shepard slid to the edge of her bed and put her feet on the ground. What the fuck was that? _Memories._ Already the images were fading from her mind. Shepard struggled to hold on to them, they were important, she knew it deep down. It all felt so real, but the harder she tried to focus on them the faster they slipped away. Shepard cleaned herself up quickly before donning clean clothes and leaving her cabin. She swiped some rations from the mess hall as she passed through, tearing open the package as she headed up the stairs and to the galaxy map.

Shepard started with the outermost planet, and worked her way inward across the system. Archanes. Nothing. Zakros. Nothing. Therum. Bingo. The scanners picked up something and the planet’s reports showed several prothean ruins. This had to be the place. She hoped this was the place. _There will be krogan, you’ll want Wrex._ She sent word to Garrus and Kaidan to suit up and meet her at the Mako. _No, no take Wrex._ Shepard left the CIC to suit up and then headed down to meet her team. _Damn it._

They piled into the Mako and dropped out of the Normandy when Joker gave them the go ahead. The vehicle hit the ground and bounced on the shock absorbers for a moment. Shepard started to look at the scanners when Joker’s voice came through on her suits comm system.

“Commander, I’m picking up some strange readings. Really strange. Like, off the damn charts,” Joker said. “It looks like it’s coming from an underground complex a few klicks away from the drop zone.”

“Noted, thanks Joker,” Shepard said back.

Closed mine entrances surrounded the drop zone, but Shepard didn’t bother checking them. She knew that Dr. T’soni would be wherever the signals that Joker picked up were originating from. Shepard didn’t have to go far to see that they were right next to a lava flow and it looked like the path they were going to have to take would keep them next to the molten rock. Large metal pipes were affixed to the side of the cliff to the right. It seemed like the bumpy terrain was conspiring against them, trying to force the Mako off the edge of the rock and into the lava.  They followed the path along as it wrapped around and headed uphill.

Just as they rounded a corner, a geth drop ship flew overhead and hovered in midair. Two large, white, rounded objects fell from the ship and plummeted to the ground before unfolding themselves to stand up on mechanical legs. They immediately started firing on the Mako. Shepard swerved to try and avoid the balls of energy flying through the air but one clipped the back of the Mako weakening its shields. She pulled the Mako behind a ridge that provided some small cover. Shepard waited until the shields had regenerated, keeping her eye on the scanner to determine if the geth were getting any closer. They didn’t seem to be so she put the Mako in reverse and crept out of cover long enough to line up a shot and fire the cannon before forwarding it back behind the rock cover.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It was time consuming but she knew that it was the safest way to take the geth armatures down. Finally, when the second geth had fallen she resumed driving along the path until she reached their inactive mechanical bodies. She stopped the Mako and looked over the destruction, making sure the geth weren’t going to get up again and used her omni-tool to scan them for tech information.

The path twisted and turned some more before narrowing out into a land bridge. Once past the bridge, the path sloped up and around. Her scanners were picking up a lot of enemy activity so she took it slow, creeping up the hill until she could get a visual on what was up ahead. It looked like there was some sort of blockade. She could spot turrets in the distance. She didn’t think that they’d be able to handle taking that blockade head on in such tight quarters. Quickly she scanned the area around them for another path and spotted an opening.

“I don’t think we can take that strongpoint head-on!” Kaidan yelled before he realized that Shepard had already figured it out.

They had to dodge some heavy weapons fire in order to get to the alternate path but they made it without a scratch… only to round the corner and come face to face with a turret. Using basically the same method as before, Shepard rocked the Mako back and forth behind cover taking shots at the turret until it was down. The turrets were far easier to take out, it would seem. Moving past the destroyed turret, they came to an opening and immediately saw several geth coming at them. These were mostly the shock troopers she had encountered on Eden Prime, though a few of them were a much larger version with rocket launchers. There wasn’t room to maneuver the Mako the way she had with the turrets, and these geth were closing in on the vehicle. She pulled in behind an outcropping and jumped out of the Mako, gun ready.

It was a heated battle but they had a strong position with cover, the geth were forced into a tight area as they came after her team, making them a lot easier to pick off. She gave orders to focus on the rocket troopers seeing as they were the biggest threat. She made excellent use of Garrus and Kaidan’s Sabotage capabilities as well as her own Warp, Throw, and Overload. She waited a minute to make sure that there weren’t any geth on the other side of the blockade about to come through. She got back in the Mako and pulled it through into the opening. Another blockade was set at an angle to the first one. The immediate area was secure, for now so Shepard exited the vehicle to clear the insides of both blockade structures.

Once both blockades were clear and the far gate was opened, Shepard moved the Mako into cover next to the door on the first blockade. She ran inside and hit the switch to lower the gate before hugging the wall so as to not give the turrets a shot at her. She ran along the wall of the inner blockade until she was back outside and in the Mako. With the first blockade’s gate rolled down, she was able to position the Mako to take out the three remaining turrets the way she had the last one.

With the area cleared of all threats, she drove out of the far blockade and back out onto the path. Rounding another corner brought them in sight of another geth armature. Having a proven tactic against them, she was quickly able to destroy it with the Mako’s cannon. Another one a little further away was taken down just the same. And the ones up over the next rise. She didn’t want her team getting bored, though, so when they came across some foot soldiers and rocket troopers with plenty of good cover they got out of the Mako to stretch their legs. Further up the way was another geth armature, and try as it might, it couldn’t get a shot at Shepard and her team from its position. That was just fine by her, she was curious to see what it would take to down one of these things without the Mako. Turned out to be quite a lot, but completely doable. Good to know. _A lot easier once you’re better trained with the sniper rifle._

Just past where the last armature fell, a ramp took them up into a tunnel system. A couple more shock troopers met there end where the tunnel opened back up. This place was crawling with geth. Normally that would be a very bad thing, but she chose to take it as a sign that she was on the right track. Further ahead, the path twisted before opening up to another tunnel, and with another tunnel, more geth. She was losing count of how many they had killed already. _Don’t get cocky._

Shepard came to a dead end. They were going to have to leave the Mako behind and hoof it the rest of the way. There was a small opening between rocks that looked as if they were deliberately placed to stop vehicular travel. Shepard didn’t like it, but she was out of options. Weapons out, they made their way forward on foot.

“Shepard, with this many geth, do you think we’ll find the doctor alive?” Kaidan asked.

“Hell, with this many geth, I’m really starting to believe that the doctor might be working with her mother and Saren,” Garrus said.

“Only one way to find out. Keep your eyes open,” Shepard said.

They hadn’t gone far when the combat scanner picked up enemy movements. Shepard put her back to a pillar and crept along until she could see that the coast was clear for her to bolt to another boulder. She heard the stuttering sounds that the geth made and crouched low, peaking around the corner she made out two of the rocket troopers. Her scanner showed two more in the area but she couldn’t see them from her location. Using her marksmanship along with Garrus’ Sabotage and Kaidan’s Overload they took the rocket troopers down before moving to another vantage point. She laid eyes on a shock trooper and fired a shot, the foot soldier threw up some sort of barrier, but she kept shooting until the barrier fell. The geth was too stupid to take cover behind the rock while its barrier was still protecting it. Shepard retrained her weapon on the geth and took it down with three shots. There was only one more in the area and by her estimates and feedback from the scanner; it was behind that same rock as the last one. She darted forward, and put her back to the rock. She waited until she knew it was close and then popped out of cover, using a Throw on it before finishing it off with her pistol.

They pressed forward until Shepard spotted a clearing up ahead and ducked down behind a rock. A quick glance told her that there were more geth in the clearing. She could see a sniper nest built into the side of a cliff, and further past it in the distance a construct loomed in the sky. She couldn’t tell from her current position what it was. Once she thought they had taken out all of the geth, Shepard made her way down into the clearing. More geth appeared and she had to quickly take cover again. She was starting to tire. She spared a look at Garrus and Kaidan. She couldn’t tell if the turian was feeling the effects of exertion or not, but she could see it in Kaidan.

Pushing onward, they climbed the ramp cut into the earth. Soon, metal scaffolding, silos, and rafters came into sight. It looked like they were getting close. Just as they got to where they could see what had to be the entrance to the dig site, a geth ghost dropped from a rafter and scuttled low to the ground over to a metal sheet and climbed up the vertical surface; its sinewy body looking almost organic. A geth drop ship flew overhead. _To your left, behind the metal sheeting. Go, go, go!_ Shepard darted behind the metal sheeting, knowing that the crates strewn about would not provide adequate cover, especially against the more mobile rocket troopers that just hit the ground. Armatures didn’t seem to move around as much. She could use the cover to draw the smaller troops to her.

The geth ghost was hopping around from surface to surface. The damn thing was fast and didn’t stay in one spot for more than a second, making it near impossible to shoot. They had to split their attention between the rocket troopers and the ghost until the rocket troopers were out of the picture. Finally she caught the ghost with a Throw and then as it tried to recover her team took it out. Shepard moved into a position where she could get a clear shot on the armature from cover. Working in tandem, they threw everything they had at the armature; biotics, tech, and good old firepower. They didn’t escape unscathed, but Shepard was able to get everyone back on their feet and in fighting condition once the area was secure.

They cautiously made their way over to the ramp. The door opened up to a tunnel sloping downwards. Her scanner picked up enemy movement in the area and she had no cover in the tunnel. She moved slowly down towards the opening, peering into the room. There were paths cut into the earth with metal walkways filling in the gaps and creating bridges across the area. A geth shock trooper stepped into Shepard’s line of sight. Without thought she fired her pistol until the geth crumpled. Two more came into view, already firing up at her team. She rushed down and out of the tunnel onto a metal platform to shoot down at the geth. The Armor Piercing III ammo mods they had on their weapons ripped through the geth better than anything else so far.

The walkway wrapped around the cavernous room; Shepard could see a blue containment field at the far side of the area next to an elevator. Shepard headed over to the field to be certain that there wasn’t a way for her to lower the field from this side. Finding nothing, they headed to the elevator.

“I’ve never visited a prothean ruin before. Beside for the Citadel, I mean,” Garrus said.

Shepard’s mind went to Eden Prime and the prothean beacon. A shudder passed over her body when she remembered the images that the beacon shoved into her mind. The blood and the death. The monsters ripping apart the protheans. She could live a thousand lives and never get those images out of her mind. _Hmph. Oh the irony._ Shepard activated the elevator and it took them down seven levels – Shepard counted the strange tiled rooms that were on each floor as they passed them – before opening up on to another platform. They were immediately confronted by three geth assault drones. They dispatched of the drones before going to the next elevator. Four levels down and the elevator started to screech; sparks began flying off the console and Shepard braced for impact thinking that the whole thing was going to fall. Luckily, it managed to make it safely down the two more levels before stopping. They wouldn’t be taking that elevator back up. The metal platforms in this area had collapsed, forcing them to watch their step and jump down to the platform below.

Shepard heard a woman’s voice, “Uh… hello? Could somebody help me? Please?”

She spun around to locate the source of the voice and saw an asari floating in a bubble behind a containment field in one of those tiled areas. _Liara… If you hadn’t found me after the Collectors attacked my ship… if you hadn’t given my body to Cerberus… would this still be happening to me?_ Shepard and her team moved closer to the field. The asari had her arms spread out to the side and didn’t appear to be able to move. She wore a green and white lab uniform; similar in design to the one Dr. Chakwas wore.

“Can you hear me out there? I am trapped. I need help!” the asari pleaded.

“Are you okay? What happened to you?” Shepard asked.

“Listen. This thing I am in is a prothean security device. I cannot move, so I need you to me out of it. Alright?” the asari explained.

Shepard wasn’t going to free this asari, who she believed to be Dr. T’soni until she knew where the woman stood. She cut right to the chase.

“Your mother is working with Saren. Whose side are you on?” Shepard demanded to know.

“What? I am not on anybody’s side!” the asari sounded genuinely confused. “I may be Benezia’s daughter, but I am nothing like her! I have not spoken to her in years. Please. Just get me out of here.”

Shepard noticed that the asari didn’t question who Saren was, or what exactly it was that her mother was doing with Saren. She didn’t even question who Shepard was, or how Shepard knew that she was Benezia’s daughter. Maybe she had already received news of the events on the Citadel. She wasn’t completely sold on the matter, but she had to get Dr. T’soni out either way. If she was working with Benezia, Shepard needed to take her in to custody and interrogate her to find out everything she could about Saren and his plans to find the Conduit. If she wasn’t working with Benezia, it didn’t mean she’d be willing to help Shepard. Especially if it meant going into a battle against her own mother, but Shepard needed to try if Dr. T’soni was the expert on protheans that Udina and Anderson believed her to be.

“How did you end up in there?” Shepard asked.

“I was exploring the ruins when the geth showed up, so I hid in here. Can you believe that? Geth! Beyond the Veil!” Dr. T’soni said sounding excited even after having to hide from the geth and becoming trapped in the prothean device.

“I activated the tower’s defenses. I knew the barrier curtains would keep them out. When I turned it on, I must have hit something I wasn’t supposed to,” a note of embarrassment crept into Dr. T’Soni’s voice. “I was trapped in here. You must get me out. Please.”

“We’ll find some way to help you,” Shepard said trying to calm the woman.

“There is a control in here that should deactivate this thing. You’ll have to find some way past the barrier curtain,” Dr. T’soni said. “That’s the tricky part. The defenses cannot be shut off from the outside. I don’t know how you’ll get in here. Be careful. There is a krogan in here with the geth. They have been trying different ways to get past the barrier.”

“Really could have mentioned that sooner,” Shepard mumbled as she turned away from the barrier curtain to explore the area.

“First the geth and Benezia, now Saren’s got krogan working with him too?!” Kaidan exclaimed.

“We should have brought Wrex,” Garrus said.

_I tried telling her that! She didn’t listen._

Shepard grunted in response. Looking down over the edge of the platform they were standing on, Shepard saw some mining equipment down below. She thought there might be something down there that they could use, or maybe even another way through. She started to make her way down the ramp when she heard the unmistakable sound of geth. She checked her scanner and saw the red triangles on the screen indicating that there were in fact enemies present. Damn it, nothing is ever simple. Two shock troopers, a rocket trooper, and a sniper. She almost missed the sniper until she saw the glint of red coming from its red dot sight. Growing tired of playing games with the geth, Shepard rushed straight for the sniper getting in close and personal as she fired her pistol in rapid succession. The geth hit the ground before she had closed the distance.

Returning to the large piece of machinery she passed on her charge at the sniper, Shepard looked it over and realized that it was a mining laser. It was currently pointed at the earth just below Dr. T’soni. It was dangerous, but she didn’t see any other way around. She hoped that the security device the asari was trapped in would protect her. Shepard opened the console and studied it for a moment before attempting to hack into the firing trigger. _Let me. I know how to do this already. Let me._ The voice inside Shepard strained and pushed, trying to take control of the situation as it had with the AI back at the Citadel. It pushed and prodded, struggling to be heard but all attempts were futile. _What’s different? Why can’t I get through again? You’re calm. That must be it. You’re not full of fear like you were before. Damn it._ Shepard got the laser to fire on her second attempt. The laser tore through the rock and dirt, ripping a hole in the ground. When the laser stopped, and the dust cleared, Shepard could see light coming through the hole.

Weapons readied, they headed towards the opening and stopped long enough to make sure it was stable before dropping down. A few feet in and the hole opened up into another room like the one Dr. T’soni was trapped in, marking another level to the prothean ruin. This one was opened on both ends, allowing Shepard to pass through to a large, rounded shaft. A platform extended from the tiled area and out to an elevator system. Shepard activated the elevator and it took them back up to where Dr. T’soni was. Shepard walked up behind the suspended asari. Dr. T’soni tried to look back over her shoulder but couldn’t turn very far. When Shepard came into her field of vision she released a breath.

“How… how did you get in here? I didn’t think there was any way past the barrier!” Dr. T’soni said.

“We blasted through with the mining laser,” Shepard shrugged.

“Of course. Yes. That makes sense,” said Dr. T’soni. “Please… get me out of here before more geth arrive. That button over there should shut down this containment filed.”

The doctor couldn’t point, but she was able to turn her head enough to look in the direction of the console. Shepard activated the console and dropped the containment field. Dr. T’soni dropped to the floor, landing on all fours. She stood and dusted off her hands as she turned to look at her rescuers.

“Any idea how we get out of this place?” Garrus asked.

“There is an elevator back in the center of the tower. At least, I think it’s an elevator. It should take us out of here. Come on!” Dr. T’soni said.

Dr. T’soni led them back to the elevator platform that Shepard used to reach her.

“I – I still cannot believe all this. Why would the geth come after me? Do you think Benezia’s involved?” Dr. T’soni asked.

“Saren’s looking for the Conduit. You’re a prothean expert. He probably wants you to help him find it,” Kaidan said.

“The Conduit? But I don’t know –,” Dr. T’soni started to speak.

She was cut off when there was a rumbling noise and the platform they were on shook slightly. Everyone paused to look up and around the area, trying to pinpoint the source of the noise and movement.

“What the hell was that?” Garrus asked.

“These ruins are not stable. That mining laser must have triggered a seismic event,” Dr. T’soni said.

She headed to the console, “We have to hurry. The whole place is caving in!”

Shepard activated her comm, “Joker! Get the Normandy airborne and lock in on my signal. On the double, mister!”

“Aye, aye, Commander. Secure and aweigh. ETA eight minutes,” Joker replied.

“Not much margin for error,” Kaidan said.

Dr. T’soni got the elevator active and they were on their way back towards the surface. The elevator came to a stop and a krogan appeared with a handful of geth in tow. Shepard held a hand out towards Garrus, halting him from drawing his weapon. She wanted to talk to this krogan before they had to kill him.

“Surrender. Or don’t. That would be more fun,” the krogan said.

“In case you didn’t notice, this place is falling apart,” Shepard said.

“Exhilarating, isn’t it?” the krogan said with a smile before stepping down onto the elevator platform.

“Thanks for getting rid of those energy fields for us. Hand the doctor over,” he said.

“Whatever it is you want, you’re not getting it from me,” Dr. T’soni piped up.

“She’ll stay with us, thanks,” Shepard said waving off the krogan’s demands.

“Not an option. Saren wants her. And he always gets what he wants,” he said before looking at the geth, “Kill them. Spare the asari if you can. If not, doesn’t matter.”

“Damn, it, I should have brought Wrex!” Shepard yelled as she ran for what little cover there was. _Obviously._

She made heavy use of Kaidan’s and her own Throw as well as Kaidan’s Lift to keep the krogan off his feet as much as possible. Killing the krogan was top priority, there was nowhere to run to avoid his charge if he locked in on her and got close enough. Kaidan went down, Garrus was injured, and her shields were down before they finally took the krogan out. The last geth standing shot Garrus and he crumpled to the floor. Liara was hiding behind one of the supports, but Shepard saw her fling a biotic Throw at the geth. She could fight and she had been helping them. Good. Shepard finished off the geth while it was in the air. She used Medi-gel to patch up Kaidan and Garrus before they were all running for the exit. The barrier dropped as Shepard got near, a sign that the power was failing. The whole place was shaking and she could see areas of the ruins that were caving in fast.

They ran for it, dodging falling debris and jumping broken sections on the metal scaffolding. Shepard turned to look over her shoulder to make sure everyone was still with her. A large section of the ceiling began to crack and fall, dust raining down on the area just behind them.

“Move! Move! Move!” Shepard yelled to her team.

Shepard shoved Dr. T’soni ahead of her, she’d be damned if they didn’t get the doctor out alive after all this. Finally, she saw the tunnel that led to the door ahead and pushed herself to run faster for the exit. Dr. T’soni opened the door and the group spilled out into daylight, rushing down the ramp outside. The Normandy hovered just above them. Shepard paused, bending down to put her hands on her legs and suck in some fresh air before heading to the ship.

With everyone on board, the Normandy took off while Shepard stripped off her armor and headed to the debriefing room. She called in the whole team for this. They all had a right to know whatever information Dr. T’soni might be able to give them. As the team was sitting down, Joker’s voice came in over the comm.

“Too close, Commander. Ten more seconds and we would’ve been swimming in molten Sulphur,” Joker said with his usual sarcasm. “The Normandy isn’t equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference.”

“We almost died out there and your pilot is making jokes?” Dr. T’soni said from her chair.

Shepard still stood in the middle of the room with her arms crossed. She turned to look at Dr. T’soni when the woman spoke. Shepard wasn’t sure that bringing the woman onto the Normandy was wise unless she was being secured for legal transport to stand trial at the Citadel, but the only other option at the time would have been to leave her on the planet to die in the eruption. _It’s Liara; you won’t find a more loyal crew member._

“Joker pulled our asses out of there. I think he’s earned the right to a few bad jokes,” Shepard said defending her pilot.

“I see. It must be a human thing. I don’t have a lot of experience dealing with your species, Commander,” Dr. T’soni said squirming in her seat. “But I am grateful to you. You saved my life back there. And not just from the volcano. Those geth would have killed me. Or dragged me off to Saren.”

“What did Saren want with you? Do you know something about the Conduit?” Kaidan asked.

“Only that it was somehow connected to the prothean extinction. That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the past fifty years trying to figure out what happened to them,” Dr. T’soni said.

“Just how old are you, exactly?” Shepard asked.

“I hate to admit it, but I am only a hundred and six,” Dr. T’soni confessed.

“Damn!” Ashley said. “I hope I look that good when I’m your age.”

“A century may seem like a long time to a short-lived species like yours. But among the asari, I am barely considered more than a child,” Dr. T’soni said. “That is why my research has not received the attention it deserves. Because of my youth, other asari scholars tend to dismiss my theories on what happened to the protheans.”

“I’ve got my own theory on why the protheans disappeared,” Shepard said.

“With all due respect, Commander, I have heard every theory out there.” Dr. T’soni said dismissing Shepard. “The problem is finding evidence to support them. The protheans left remarkably little behind. It is almost as if someone did not want the mystery solved. It’s like someone came along after the protheans were gone and cleansed the galaxy of clues. But here is the incredible part. According to my findings, the protheans were not the first galactic civilization to mysteriously vanish. This cycle began long before them.”

The woman definitely liked to hear herself talk. Shepard wondered if she was always so dismissive and condescending. Shepard decided to use it to her advantage and get the woman to tell her everything she knew before Shepard showed her hand.

“Where’d you come up with this theory? I thought there wasn’t any evidence,” Shepard said.

“I have been working on this for fifty years. I have tracked down every scrap and shred of evidence. Eventually, subtle patterns start to emerge. Patterns that hint at the truth. It is difficult to explain to someone else. I cannot point to one specific thing to prove my case. It is more of a feeling derived from a half century of dedicated research. But I know I’m right. And eventually, I will be able to prove it. There were other civilizations before the protheans. This cycle has repeated itself many times over.”

“If the protheans weren’t the first, then who was?” Shepard asked.

_Leviathans. They were the first to fall to the reapers._

“I don’t know. There is barely any evidence on the protheans. Even less on those who came before them. I cannot prove my theory. But I know I am right!” Dr. T’soni insisted. “The galaxy is built on a cycle of extinction. Each time a great civilization rises up; it is suddenly and violently cast down. Only ruins survive. The protheans rose up from a single world until their empire spanned the entire galaxy. Yet even they climbed to the top on the remains of those who came before. Their greatest achievements – the mass relays and the Citadel – are based on the technology of those who came before them. And then, like all the other forgotten civilizations throughout galactic history, the protheans disappeared. I have dedicated my life to figuring out why.”

“They were wiped out by a race of sentient machines. The reapers,” Shepard said bluntly.

“The – The reapers? But I have never heard of – How do you know this? What evidence do you have?” Dr. T’soni sounded indignant.

“There was a damaged prothean beacon on Eden Prime. It burned a vision into my brain. I’m still trying to sort out what it all means,” Shepard said.

“Visions? Yes… that makes sense. The beacons were designed to transmit information directly into the mind of the user. Finding one that still works is extremely rare. No wonder the geth attacked Eden Prime,” said Dr. T’soni. “The chance to acquire a working beacon – even a badly damaged one – is worth almost any risk. But the beacons were only programmed to interact with prothean physiology. Whatever information you received would have been confused, unclear. I am amazed you were able to make sense of it at all. A lesser mind would have been utterly destroyed by the process. You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander.”

“This isn’t helping us find Saren. Or the Conduit,” Kaidan said.

“Of course. You are right. I am sorry. My scientific curiosity got the better of me. Unfortunately, I do not have any information that could help you find the Conduit. Or Saren,” Dr. T’soni said.

“I don’t know why Saren wanted you out of the picture. But I think we’ll be a lot better off if we bring you along,” Shepard said.

“Thank you, Commander,” Dr. T’soni said as she stood and walked towards Shepard. “Saren might come after me again. I cannot think of anywhere safer than here on your ship. And my knowledge of the protheans might be useful later on.”

“And her biotics will come in handy when the fighting starts,” Wrex said.

“Good to have you on the team, Liara,” Shepard said.

“Thank you, Commander. I am very gratef – whoa. I am afraid I am feeling a bit light-headed,” Dr. T’soni said closing her eyes and holding her head.

“When was the last time you ate? Or slept? Dr. Chakwas should take a look at you,” Kaidan said.

“It is probably just mental exhaustion, coupled with the shock of discovering the protheans’ true fate. I need some time to process all this. Still, it could not hurt to be examined by a medical professional. It will give me the chance to think things over. Are we finished here, Commander?” Dr. T’soni said.

“We can talk again after you’ve seen the doctor. The rest of you… dismissed!” Shepard said.

“Mission reports are filed, Commander,” Joker’s voice said over the comm. “You want me to patch you through to the Council?”

“Patch them through, Joker,” Shepard said.

“Setting up the link now, Commander,” Joker said.

Holographic images of the councilors came into focus at the comm station in the debriefing room. Shepard stepped closer once the room was clear.

“We’ve received your report, Commander. I understand Dr. T’soni is on the Normandy,” Tevos said.

Sparatus looked away from Tevos and turned his attention to Shepard, “I assume you’re taking the necessary security precautions?”

“Liara’s on our side. The geth were trying to kill her,” Shepard said.

She was mostly sure that Liara was on their side, at least, but she couldn’t show doubt to the Council. _She is._

“Benezia would never allow Saren to kill her daughter,” Tevos said.

Valern said simply, “Maybe she doesn’t know.”

“Or maybe we don’t know her,” Sparatus said. “We never expected she could become a traitor.”

“At least the mission was a success,” said Valern.

“Apart from the utter destruction of a major prothean ruin,” Sparatus snarled. “Was that really necessary, Shepard?”

“The geth were crawling all over those ruins. We were lucky to make it out alive,” Shepard said.

It wasn’t as if she destroyed the ruins on purpose.

“Of course, Commander,” Valern said. “The mission must always take priority.”

“Good luck, Commander. Remember, we’re all counting on you,” said Tevos before they disconnected the call.

Shepard stood in the quiet debriefing room alone with her arms crossed. Her body felt weak and she was covered in dust from Therum. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, cringing as her fingers caused the fine grains of dirt to scrape across her scalp. She was trying to understand the chain of events that led to her standing where she was; a Council Spectre in charge of the Normandy, tasked with chasing down what might possibly be the galaxies most dangerous man and his asari matriarch sidekick before they found a way to bring back a group of sentient machines hell bent on wiping the galaxy of all civilization with the aid of the geth and now krogan, too. She only knew what the reapers were because a beacon left behind by a species that died out 50,000 years ago seared the images of their demise into her mind. A week ago she was enjoying shore leave in the arms of some man whose name she didn’t even remember and admittedly maybe never knew. _Sorry, can’t help you there._ She’d been through some pretty crazy shit in her life, but this really seemed to be the icing on the cake. And to top it off, she was starting to think she might be cracking.

“Uh, Commander? Everything alright in there?” Joker’s voice came over the comm.

She turned and looked up at the camera in the debriefing room. Joker must have been watching her stare off into space. She gave the camera her best approximation of a smile.

“Yeah, Joker, just thinking,” Shepard said.

She left the debriefing room to get away from prying eyes and made her way to her cabin. She knew Joker would be waiting for her to go to the galaxy map and type in the coordinates for their next destination but she needed a minute to herself. In her cabin, Shepard sat down and leaned forward putting her elbows on the desk and hiding her face in the palms of her hands. Her eyes stung with unshed tears. She wished she could cry, but she had forgotten how many years ago. She hadn’t cried since she left Mindoir, but Shepard thought that if she could cry now maybe it would make her feel better. She had a galaxy to save, though, so going insane or not she pulled herself together and hit the showers.


	9. Chapter 8: She Writes Our Name In The Stars

Having given it some thought as she was falling asleep the night before, Shepard decided it was best to finish scanning the Artemis Tau cluster to see if there were any other signs of geth activity. There might be other prothean ruins in the area that Saren was scouting out. She didn’t want to leave any stone unturned, even if they were trying to beat Saren to the Conduit. Hell, maybe they would find something that Saren missed and it would give them the edge they needed. _Don’t be stupid. There’s nothing important here. Go talk to Liara again, convince her to join with you so she can see the images the beacon left. Make her keep looking until she realizes it’s Ilos that we need to get to and then let’s go. Nothing else matters._

            At the galaxy map, Shepard punched in the coordinates for the Athens system. She stood staring at the map for a while without really seeing it before turning away and heading down to the mess hall. She put on a pot of coffee and leaned against the counter as she waited for it to brew. Once there was enough for her to steal a cup, she did and carried it over to a table. Sitting down she wrapped her hands around the warm cup and inhaled the rich scent as the steam warmed her face.

            A few minutes later, Kaidan stood over her with his own cup of liquid caffeine. He motioned towards the bench across from Shepard and she nodded. Kaidan sat down and stared at his own cup for a while in silence.

            “That was pretty close. On Therum, I mean,” Kaidan said breaking the silence.

            “It was,” Shepard blew lightly over her coffee before taking a sip. “The turian councilor is pissed off that the ruins got destroyed. As if I did it on purpose.”

            “Well, it is a shame that we lost the ruins but I’m just happy that we got everyone out of there alive,” Kaidan said looking towards the med bay. “So, what do you make of Dr. T’soni?”

            “I think she’s incredibly smart. A bit full of herself, but still young. For an asari, anyway. She’s… innocent. Naïve. Definitely not a soldier. I actually feel a little bad for pulling her into all of this, especially considering who we’re going up against. I don’t think she’s involved with Saren and Benezia’s plans, but we’re asking the woman to help us against her mother… maybe even kill her mother if things go south. It’s going to shatter her, but we need her help,” Shepard said.

            “I can’t imagine being put in her position. Do you think she’s up for the task?” Kaidan asked.

            “I honestly don’t know, Kaidan. That’s why I’m taking things a little slow, buying her what time I can to fully come to terms with what it is we’re asking of her. We’re going to finish clearing out this cluster before moving forward. I need to know if there are any more geth in this area. I think I’ll take her with me the next time we go out, so I can watch her and see how she handles herself,” Shepard said taking another sip from her cup.

            “That sounds like a good idea, Commander. If you want, if you think we should, I can start working with her. Helping her to improve her combat skills,” Kaidan offered.

            “Let’s wait and see how this next run goes, but that might be necessary. Thank you, Kaidan,” Shepard said.

            Kaidan smiled, “Of course, Commander. Anytime. You need anything; that’s what I’m here for.”

            Shepard returned the smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. She had so much on her plate right now; she was finding it hard to decide where to begin. She watched Kaidan over the top of her cup for a moment. He seemed to be contemplating something.

            “Something you want to say, Alenko?” Shepard finally asked.

            “Off the record, I think there’s something wrong here,” Kaidan began. “This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction. But we can’t get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There’s writing on the walls here, but someone isn’t reading it.”

“The Council doesn’t want to believe anything’s wrong. I’d call it human nature, but...,” Shepard trailed off with a half shrug.

“I hear ya. I – It just seems like a group that’s been around as long as the Council should see this coming. It’s funny. We finally get out here, and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don’t even seem impressed by the view. Or the dangers,” Kaidan said studying his coffee intently.

“Well, well, you’re a romantic. Did you sign on for ‘the dream’, Alenko? Secure man’s future in space?” Shepard asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid. Where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves. Or, you know. For justice. Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp – ah, sorry, ‘Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.’ I’m not looking for ‘the dream.’ I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn’t a big focus back in BAaT,” Kaidan said.

“Tell me about it,” Shepard said.

Shepard liked to know her crew; she was expecting these men and women to have her back in a fight. She wanted to know that she could trust them, and to trust them, she needed to know what made them tick. A service record only told her so much. It only told her what they had done, but not who they were. Most in her position demanded formalities at all times – liked to stay emotionally distant from those that they worked with. Not Shepard. Shepard went out of her way to foster friendships with her crew. It was the rest of the world that she kept at a distance.

“’Biotic Acclimation and Temperance’ didn’t last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in, it was ‘Brain Camp.’ Sorry, ‘hauled in’ is unkind. We were ‘encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be compiled.’ There are worse results of ‘accidental’ exposure to element zero in the womb. Beats the brain tumors some kids grew up with,” Kaidan said.

“Is there some question about how you were exposed?” Shepard asked catching the way Kaidan emphasized ‘accidental’.

“My mother was downwind of a transport crash. It was before there were human biotics. A little after the discovery of the Martian ruins. It only gets iffy around ’63 when Conatix was running out of first-gen subjects. Until then, they’d relied on accidentals. Bunch of guys in suits show up at your door after school. Next thing you know, you’re out on Jump Zero,” Kaidan said.

“You know of any intentional exposures for certain?” Shepard didn’t like the sound of that.

“No one ‘knows.’ Doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. As big as the exposures were, it was hard to track down accidentals. It was different then. No one knew the potential, so there wasn’t a lot of regulation. Anything Conatix did was gold. I’m not saying they intentionally detonated drives over our outposts. But in retrospect, they were damn quick on the scene,” Kaidan said.

They were both quiet for a moment, drinking their coffee as Shepard mulled that over.

“’Jump Zero’ is the Gagarin Station, right? What’s it like?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah, that’s the official name. Biggest and farthest facility we had for decades. Right on the termination shock, the outer edge of the solar system. It’s where they did all the ‘goose chase’ FTL research. Before we caught on to using mass effect fields. It was a sterile research platform when I was there,” Kaidan said.

“There were other kids in the same boat, right? At least you weren’t alone out there,” Shepard said.

“That’s true. We did have a little circle that’d get together every night before lights-out. We didn’t have much to do, though. It was a research platform then, and Conatix kept Jump Zero off the extranet. To prevent leaks,” Kaidan said.

“Then you must’ve had plenty of time to get to know each other,” Shepard said.

“Yeah. We’d sit around and bull every night after dinner. Play cards or network games. There was this girl named Rahna who had a little circle grow up around her. She was from Turkey. Her family was very rich. But she was smart, and charming as hell. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you, I guess. Ma’am,” Kaidan said.

Shepard’s eyebrow twitched but she didn’t acknowledge the insinuation. She thought that if she stayed neutral, Kaidan would come to realize that she wasn’t interested in going down that road with him. Hell, she wasn’t interested in going down that road with anyone. Not right now, not while she had images of protheans being ripped apart every time she closed her eyes. Not while she thought she might be cracking.

“Sounds like she was special to you,” Shepard said focusing him back on the girl, Rahna.

“She was. Maybe she felt the same, but… Things never fell together. Training. You know,” Kaidan said.

“Jump Zero’s a long way from home. What was it like?” Shepard asked.

“The grand gateway to humanity looks a lot better in the vids. Anyway. This was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago,” Kaidan said.

“We have to depend on each other in combat. I like knowing what kind of man I have at my back,” Shepard said with a shrug.

“I understand, ma’am. I won’t let you down,” Kaidan said. “You make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?”

“Of course. But I don’t enjoy it with everyone. We’ll talk again later,” Shepard said.

“I’ll, uh – I’ll need some time to process that, Commander,” Kaidan said. “But yeah, I’d like that.”

Shepard paused with her cup halfway to her mouth. She winced inwardly as she realized what her words must have sounded like to the lieutenant. She wasn’t sure if she should say anything or not, she didn’t want to be too presumptive and she didn’t want to be a bitch, either. There were enough men and women out there who thought she was a bitch, she didn’t really need it from her crew. Shepard let Kaidan walk away, thinking that she would find a way to address the matter later; take some time to think about exactly what to say first. _It doesn’t really matter, he’ll hate you just the same later no matter what. If he lives through Virmire, anyway._

Shepard drained her cup before taking it back over to the sink to rinse out. Her mind wandered back to the moment on the Citadel when it felt like she had lost control of herself. She searched the memory, combing over it, trying to remember the feeling exactly. What had she been thinking when it happened? Had that ever happened before? Shepard turned the water off and put her mug down on the foam mat next to the sink. She gripped the lip of the sink and leaned forward, putting her weight on her palms. There was a time, something kind of similar happened on Mindoir. After watching her parents die. It was almost like she was watching things happen for a time then, and not really there. But that felt more like watching a movie or something, she thought. This was different.

“I’m not going crazy,” Shepard said defiantly to herself.

She heard a quiet cough behind her and spun around, smacking her elbow on the counter as she did. She cursed and grabbed her elbow as she looked up to see Garrus standing a few feet behind her. Amusement danced in his eyes.

“Sorry, Shepard. I forget sometimes that human hearing isn’t as, ah, sensitive as turians. I thought you knew I was here. I didn’t want to risk you trying to break my wrist again so I thought it was safer if I just waited for you to uh, finish staring at the sink,” Garrus said.

_Liar. And a smartass._

Shepard felt the heat rise in her face so she tried to hide it by looking down at her elbow, rubbing the tender bone.

“Sensitive hearing, huh?” Shepard asked.

“Hmm. Good eyes, too,” Garrus said tapping a talon against the plating next to his eye.

The movement caught Shepard’s attention and her eyes followed his hand up to his face.

_It’s always strange, seeing him again for the first few times without the scars. We grow accustomed to his scars; stop noticing them after a while. It’s like you get so used to seeing a man with a beard and then suddenly one day he shaves and he just doesn’t even look like the same person anymore._

Shepard squinted, “You didn’t really think I knew you were there, did you?”

The turian fluttered his mandibles, “No. But you knew that I knew you were there when you stopped to watch me.”

It wasn’t a question. Shepard felt the heat increase in her face. She crossed her arms and met Garrus’ gaze once more.

“You’re on my ship. I like to know what the people on my ship are doing,” Shepard said.

She saw the glow of his visor shift slightly, and his eyes narrowed perceptibly.

“Is that so? Shepard, your face is doing that red thing that human’s faces do when you’re sick, angry... or embarrassed. I forget what you humans call it,” Garrus said.

Shepard dropped her arms to her side and looked indignant, “It’s called blushing, and I am not.”

Garrus tapped the plating next to his eye again in response.

“Okay, well, it’s not polite to point it out, Garrus,” Shepard said conceding the point.

“I’ll try to remember that, Shepard. So tell me, are you sick?” Garrus asked.

“No,” Shepard said flatly.

“Are you angry? Because I have to say, I wasn’t a part of the First Contact War but it is still a bit unnerving to have a human soldier staring at your back without explanation…,” Garrus said.

Shepard sighed and shook her head, “And there I was thinking I lucked out of managing to piss everyone on the ship off. No, Garrus, I’m not angry and I have no problem with turians or any other species. Well, okay, maybe I still have some issues with the batarians but that was different. That wasn’t war; that was slavers breaking into my home when I was a teenager and killing everyone I knew and loved. But even still, I realize that it wasn’t the fault of every batarian that I meet.”

Shepard’s hand went to her mouth, “I – I don’t know why I just said all of that. I’m sorry.”

_Because you already trust him, utterly and completely. Because I trust him, utterly and completely._

Something flashed in Garrus’ eyes, and his mandibles pulled in close to his face. _Anger. Disgust._ When he spoke again, his voice had taken on a deeper timbre.

“I’ve had more than a few run-ins with slavers while working with C-Sec. Shepard, I’m sorry,” Garrus said.

“No, it’s okay. Really. It was a long time ago and I’ve dealt with it,” Shepard shrugged. “As good as anyone ever can, I suppose.”

Garrus stood perfectly still watching Shepard as she ran a hand over her face and then used it to rake through her hair. When she looked back at him, the amusement had returned to his eyes. He leaned forward slightly and stage whispered.

“That leaves embarrassment, Shepard,” Garrus said.

“Oh for the love of – Alright, Vakarian. I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed in the cargo bay because I realized you knew I was standing there watching you like an idiot. I was embarrassed just now because you startled me and I realized you probably heard me standing here talking to myself. Happy?” Shepard said throwing her hands up in surrender.

Garrus chuckled, his mandibles flaring, “Almost. Why were you really watching me, if not to plot my death? And I highly doubt that my work on the Mako is that interesting to anyone but me.”

Shepard leaned back against the sink and Garrus leaned in against the counter studying her.

“Maybe I was plotting your death, you were messing with my ride,” She said with a smirk.

“Hmmm,” Garrus pointed to his visor, “I know I make this visor look good, but it isn’t just for show. I’ve got it programmed to monitor heartbeats. It helps with targeting, but it’s especially useful in the interrogation room. See, with this visor, I’ve gotten pretty good at telling when someone is feeding me – what is it you humans say, bullshit?”

Shepard pushed herself off of the sink and closed the distance to the counter Garrus was leaning on. Mimicking his stance, she leaned against the counter opposite of him and smiled.

“Well, maybe that’s just the best answer you’re going to get, Vakarian. You really shouldn’t have told me that, though,” Shepard said.

“Why’s that?” Garrus asked inhaling slowly and deeply through his nose.

_He’s scenting you. Interesting. I’ve never noticed that before. Not this early. Then again, you never stood staring at him like an idiot before either._

“I’m N7, Garrus. It just means that I have to remember to use my training to keep my heart rate steady when I want to lie to you,” Shepard said with a smirk.

_He’ll just figure out how to make his visor detect the subtle changes in pupil dilation later._

“No? Really? You can do that?” Garrus asked.

“Try me,” Shepard said.

“Hmm. Alright,” Garrus said watching her closely. “What were you drinking in that cup?”

“Rum. Yeah, sometimes the job stresses me out and I have to knock back a few shots to relax. Ashley was just up here, she and I were having a drink together. Talking about our plans to take over the galaxy now that I’m a Spectre and all,” Shepard said.

Garrus squinted and the circular part on his visor contracted. Shepard smirked when she heard him let out a low growl before he fidgeted with the visor.

“I can smell the coffee and I know you were talking with Kaidan. Alright, maybe that one was too simple. Why do you think you’re going crazy?” Garrus asked.

Shepard leaned in a little closer, “Because I’ve been having erotic dreams about Wrex.”

Garrus barked a laugh, “Alright. Damn it, Shepard, you’re good.”

“Good? Only good? C’mon Vakarian, I’m the best,” Shepard said with a wink as she pushed back from the counter.

“We’ll have to see about that, this isn’t over Shepard. I’ll catch you slipping,” Garrus said.

“So what’d you come in here for anyway? I’m not keeping you from eating am I?” Shepard asked.

“Nah, I was on my way back down to the cargo bay and heard you talking with Kaidan. Thought I’d say hello,” Garrus said.

Shepard’s eyes narrowed playfully, “Garrus… were you eavesdropping?”

“I, uh, well…,” Garrus scratched a gloved talon lightly over the face of the counter picking at something that wasn’t there, “I just didn’t want to interrupt. It seemed like the two of you were having a priva – well I’ve only been on the ship for a few days but I’ve been around enough humans on the Citadel to tell when…”

“Spit it out, Vakarian,” Shepard said.

Garrus looked up at Shepard, “Well, it is obvious Kaidan has a thing for you. I didn’t want to get in his way if he was going to finally make a move. The guy doesn’t seem very smooth, Shepard.”

Shepard let her head fall back and laughed up at the ceiling, “No, no he does not. He’s a good guy, though. Maybe a little too good. For me at least. I think I said the wrong thing; gave him the wrong impression. I’m going to have to figure out a nice way to let him down,” Shepard snapped her head up to look at Garrus, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Garrus asked.

“Get me to tell you things I had no intention of telling anyone?” Shepard asked.

Garrus made a humming sound, his mandibles fluttering slightly as he watched her, “It wasn’t a skill that I knew I had, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow, “So wait, if you were there long enough to hear our conversation, what took you so long to say hello after he left?”

“Oh, well, that one’s easy,” Garrus said folding his arms and standing with one leg out to the side. “I waited until your back was turned so I could sneak up on you. Wanted to see the great Commander Shepard jump.”

Shepard’s mouth dropped open, “Uh! You ass! I hurt my elbow!”

“Oh I know, that was the best part,” Garrus said smugly as he turned at walked away.

Shepard grabbed a spoon off the counter and threw it at his retreating form, but he took a step to the side and the spoon clattered ineffectively to the floor. Garrus chuckled as he disappeared from sight. Shepard picked the spoon up and tossed it into the sink. Her eyes caught sight of Liara talking to Dr. Chakwas through the med bay window. Shepard decided she should check up on the asari before heading back to the CIC.

She entered the med bay to find Dr. Chakwas alone, “Where’d Liara go?”

“Oh, I’ve set her up in the office at the back. I don’t really use it and I thought she would like having her own private workspace. I hope you don’t mind?” Dr. Chakwas said.

“Oh, no, that’s fine. How’s she doing, doc?” Shepard asked.

“Liara’s fine. A bit shaken up after having the geth attack her, but she’ll be fine,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“Thanks, Dr. Chakwas,” Shepard said heading towards the office in the back of the med bay.

She opened the door to find Liara sitting at a desk working quietly and wondered if asari hearing was as good as turians. Either way, she didn’t want to startle the asari so she scuffed her feet along the floor a little more than usual as she walked up behind her. Liara turned to look over her shoulder before standing up to face Shepard.

“Commander, are you coming to check up on me?” Liara asked.

“You look much better. How are you feeling?” Shepard asked indirectly avoiding answering Liara’s question.

“Dr. Chakwas assures me I am going to be fine. I was impressed with her knowledge of asari physiology,” Liara said.

“You’re in good hands. Dr. Chakwas knows what she’s doing,” Shepard said.

“I never properly thanked you for saving me from the geth, Commander. If you hadn’t shown up…,” Liara said.

“I’m just glad we got there in time,” Shepard said.

“So am I,” said Liara. “I know you took a chance bringing me aboard this ship. I have seen the way your crew looks at me. They do not trust me. But I am not like Benezia. I will do whatever I can to help you stop Saren. I promise.”

“Don’t worry, Liara. I trust you. I know you won’t let me down,” Shepard said.

Shepard could tell that this woman needed all the encouragement and reassurances she could get. This whole thing must be terrible for her, Shepard thought. Shepard had lost her mother when she was still a kid, but she couldn’t honestly say what she would do if she found herself in Liara’s shoes. Shepard didn’t believe that she would help her mother do something as heinous as what Benezia is doing, but she wasn’t completely convinced that she would be able to fight her own mother. Point a gun at her mother and pull the trigger. That might be what Shepard is asking Liara to do. _Sometimes she is there with us, when we face Benezia. She has had to help you kill her mother, hundreds of times at least even if she doesn’t know it. Or maybe she does know it. Maybe they’re all going through this, too. Maybe there is another Liara that’s just like me fighting to be heard inside of Liara’s head right now. Another Garrus, another Wrex, another Kaidan, and another Ashley. Maybe wherever Jack, Miranda, Thane, Mordin… all of them are right now, maybe they’re all going through it, too. Maybe I’m not alone. I’m so tired of being alone. So tired._

Liara smiled, “It means a lot to hear you say that, Commander. Thank you.”

“Do you know why Benezia joined up with Saren?” Shepard asked knowing it was a tough, but necessary question.

“I don’t understand it. She was always outspoken about the need for the asari to become more involved in shaping galactic events. Maybe she thought allying herself with Saren would somehow before the greater good in the long run. At least, I hope so,” Liara said sounding troubled by her mother’s actions.

“This hurts you, doesn’t it?” Shepard asked.

“None of this makes any sense to me. I have not spoken to Benezia in many years, but I know her! And this was not like her. Something changed,” Liara insisted.

“I’d like to know more about the asari,” Shepard said trying to give the distraught asari something else to think about.

“We were the first species to discover the Citadel. We were instrumental in forming the Council. And we always strive to be the voice of peaceful cooperation in galactic disputes,” Liara said. “My people believe we are all a part of a single galactic community. Each species contributes something to the greater whole. Although we seek to understand other species, it seems few of them seek to understand us. The galaxy is filled with rumors and misinformation about my people.”

“Like what?” Shepard asked.

“Most of the inaccuracies are centered around our mating rituals. My species is mono-gendered. ‘Male’ and ‘female’ have no real meaning for us. We still require a partner to reproduce. This second parent, however, may be of any species and any gender,” Liara explained.

“I don’t understand. Your species can mate with anyone?” Shepard asked.

“Mating is not quite the proper term,” Liara said shaking her head. “Not as you understand it. Physical contact may or may not be involved, but it is not an essential element of the union. The true connection is mental. Our physiology allows us to meld with other beings. We can touch the very depths of their minds. We explore the genetic memory of their species. We share the most basic elements of their individual and racial identities. We then pass these traits on to our daughters. It is how we learn to grow as a species, and how we develop a greater understanding of other races.”

_She likes to get physical, though. There’s this spot right behind her crest that if you touch, she just melts like chocolate in your mouth. She loves you, you know, well maybe not quite yet but she will. Whether or not you choose to be with her. She always loves us. Loves us enough to comb through space to find our body and take it to our enemies because they are the ones who can bring us back to life. She writes our name in the stars._

“What happens to your partner after the union?” Shepard asked genuinely curious.

“Every relationship is different. Some unions are a single encounter, with both parents parting ways afterwards. Others can be more long-term. Sometimes an asari and her partner will stay together for many decades,” Liara said.

“Do you know who Matriarch Benezia chose as her partner?” Shepard asked.

_Matriarch Aethyta. You’ll meet her on Illium, and then later again on the Citadel after the reapers hit hard. Her father was a krogan, and she’s hilarious to talk to._

“She rarely spoke of her partner, though I know my father – if you want to use that term – was another asari,” Liara said.

“Benezia never told you her partner’s name?” Shepard asked.

“Unions with our own kind is no longer common. Not for the purposes of reproduction. Most asari believe it weakens our species. Asari daughters inherit racial traits from the father species. If both parents are asari, then nothing has been gained. Or so conventional wisdom would hold. I am what is sometimes called a ‘pureblood’, though no asari would ever be cruel enough to say the word to my face. It is a great insult among my people. It is possible Benezia’s partner was embarrassed by their union. She may have been too ashamed to publicly acknowledge me as her offspring,” Liara explained.

Shepard thought Liara sounded a little ashamed as she talked about her heritage. It made her angry, that her people would make her feel that way. It sounded stupid and illogical to Shepard. Evolution would dictate that their species would continue to change over time whether or not they bred with other species. All of their offspring were still asari; it just didn’t make sense to her.

“Maybe she wanted to meet you but couldn’t. Something could have happened to her. Maybe she passed away,” Shepard said.

“You might be right. I hope you are. But I have no way to know for sure. Benezia never spoke of her partner. Whatever happened, it caused her too much pain to dwell on it. She raised me by herself, though that is not uncommon. Many asari raise their children alone, particularly if the father species is short-lived. Often, the partner will pass on long before the child reaches maturity,” Liara said.

“You asari live for a thousand years. What happens when your partner dies?” Shepard asked.

“Few sapient species live as long as my kind. We have learned to take a philosophical approach to our unions. We do not focus on the inevitable loss of our partners. Instead, we enjoy the time we spend with them. And even after they are gone, a part of them lives on in us. The union is a connection that transcends both time and space,” Liara said.

Shepard smiled at that, she thought it was a lovely idea, “I should go.”

“Goodbye, Commander,” Liara said.

            Shepard left the med bay and made her way back up to the CIC. They had arrived in the Athens system and Shepard was studying the galaxy map.

            “Message coming in. Patching it through,” Joker’s voice came in over the comm.

            “Commander Shepard, my name is Nassana Dantius. I have a job for you. I can’t say any more in an unsecured communication. If you’re interested in hearing my offer, meet me on the Citadel so we can talk in person. I’ll be waiting in the diplomat’s lounge on the Presidium,” the transmission played.

            “Set course for the Citadel, ma’am?” Joker asked over the comm.

            “No, Joker. We’ll clear this cluster and then head to the Citadel, as planned. I don’t know who this Dantius is but I’m not going to come running from the other side of the galaxy just because she thinks I’m a merc for hire,” Shepard said.

            “Aye, aye, Commander,” Joker said.

            After several hours spent scanning planets in the Athens system and finding nothing of importance. Shepard returned to the galaxy map and typed in the coordinates for the Macedon system. She left the map and went down to the mess hall to grab a late dinner. She tried to remember, but she didn’t think she’d eaten lunch. Her stomach was none too pleased with her. She was surprised to find Wrex in the kitchen; she hadn’t seen him outside of the cargo bay since he came aboard.

            “Shepard,” he said by way of greeting.

            “Wrex,” Shepard responded in kind.

            “You’re out of ryncol,” the krogan said as he turned and walked away with a tray stacked high with several packets of rations and what was likely the only fresh meat on the ship.

            “I’ll uh, pick some up when I can…” She said as he left the room.

            She thought she heard him grunt in reply. Shepard chuckled to herself. That one was going to be a challenge. She found some fresh vegetables in the stasis chamber of the refrigerator and made herself a salad. As an afterthought she grabbed a beer, she didn’t know whose they were but she’d replace it when they got to the Citadel. She took her food to her cabin and ate while she pored over the documents she had saved on her search for information about the krogans.

            As intrigued as she was to learn about krogan physiology and the krogan’s redundant systems, Shepard began having trouble keeping her eyes open about an hour in. She took her empty plate and beer bottle back out to the mess hall. She saw that most of the sleeper pods were already occupied. It was nice to be able to lie down and stretch out instead of having to sleep in the pods, she thought. Shepard returned to her room and stripped down to her underwear before crawling in to her bed. Sleep took her quickly.

            She was slowly sinking down to the bottom of a vast ocean. She desperately hoped that the diving mech would stand up the pressure. It was dark, the flares she sent out casting such little light in the void. He was listening to an audio-message found next to a dead krogan, “O Blue Rose of Illium, if these humble words reach you, then I have joined my ancestors. My dream was to be by your side, a weed beside your beauty, twining together in the warm Tuchanka sun…” She was in agony because she just watched Garrus take a rocket to the face, he was lying on the floor covered in his own blue blood gasping for breath and barely alive, a man standing next to her in yellow armor with a scarred up face told her, “He’s not gonna to make it.” She was standing on a metal platform, a distorted holographic image was speaking to her, “But the genocide of an entire species is a long, slow process. Years passed. Decades, centuries. The reapers persisted. And my energy reserves were dwindling.”

            “Rise and shine, Commander!” Joker’s voice came over the comm waking Shepard from her slumber.

            She opened her eyes and looked around the dark room, the faint glow coming from her laptop orientating her to her location. She sat up in the bed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head was killing her.

            “What is it, Joker?” Shepard asked.

            “ETA to Macedon 30 minutes. Thought you might like some breakfast before you get to work,” Joker said.

            “Alright, thanks Joker,” Shepard said.

            “Anytime,” Joker said.


	10. Chapter 9: One Of The Guys

**Chapter 9: One Of The Guys**

The Normandy’s scanners picked up some anomalies on a planet called Sharjila. They weren’t certain what was down there, but Shepard thought it was worth looking into so she told Joker to have Tali and Kaidan suit up and meet her at the Mako. Shepard donned her armor and got her guns strapped on before heading to the Mako. Tali was already waiting and she could see Kaidan heading their way. She opened the door on the Mako and stood back for Tali to climb inside. Once Tali was secure in her seat, Shepard climbed into the driver’s seat and strapped herself in. A moment later, Kaidan climbed in the other side.

            “What have we got, Commander?” Kaidan asked while they waited for Joker to drop the Mako.

            “Not sure, the scanners showed signs of debris fields and other anomalies. A secured area of some sort as well. We’re not sure what it is so we’re going in to have a look,” Shepard explained.

            “Do you think that it could be Saren, or more geth?” Tali asked.

            “Maybe, there’s a good chance. We don’t know what’s in this area or exactly what it is that Saren is after other than something he called the Conduit. If there is something here he wants – then there is something here we want, too,” Shepard said.

_It’s not Saren, it’s not the geth. It’s pirates and slavers. General scum. You don’t need to be here. You have more important things to worry about._

            The ship opened up and the Mako was released, Shepard loved the feel of the drop. Though, a glance over her shoulder at Tali’s desperate grip on the handholds told her that Tali did not feel the same. She couldn’t help but to smile, imagining the terrified look that must be on the quarian’s face behind that mask. The Mako hit the ground and rolled forward with its momentum before coming to a stop. Shepard pulled up the systems scanners, trying to zero in on the anomalies the Normandy detected.

            They found a crashed probe not far from the drop site and recovered what they could from it before heading on to the next location. An old abandoned campsite held a capsule of asari design; it contained journal entries from an asari matriarch. She couldn’t spend much time looking over them herself, this planet had a high pressure level and it wasn’t safe for her or her crew to be outside of the Mako for very long. She put them back in the small capsule to protect them and took them with her to the Mako. She would ask Liara to make copies of them along with the turian insignias and the salarian ID tags she had found for their own records before taking them to the Council. Did turians have museums, she wondered, she was sure the asari probably did.

            They took the Mako and headed to the last location of interest on the scanners. As they got closer to the area, little red triangles indicating enemy activity began popping up on the Mako’s scanners. In the distance, Shepard caught sight of a building nestled down in between the rocky peaks. Moving slowly, Shepard got the Mako into a position of cover where she could see the area. It was heavily guarded, complete with sniper nests, barricades and asari guards roaming on foot. She was a little surprised to see the asari outside of the compound; she supposed the pressure of the atmosphere must not be a problem for them. She was a little disappointed that it wasn’t geth that they were facing; thinking it probably meant that this had nothing to do with Saren. Still, why was there a heavily guarded compound in an area otherwise void of life? She needed to check it out. She’d give them the ‘fire on sight’ test.

            “Hold on, guys,” Shepard said. “We’re going in; if they fire on us we’ll be forced to assume they are hostiles. If they hail us, we’ll talk to them and see what this place is.”

            Shepard slowly drove the Mako up over a ridge and down towards the area. She went at a relaxed pace so that the approaching vehicle didn’t come off as an immediate threat and so that if they needed to take cover again they could do so more quickly. As soon as the Mako came into sight, the snipers started firing and the ground soldiers started flinging biotics and bullets.

            “Well, there’s our answer. Tali, on the guns. Kaidan, keep watch on the shields,” Shepard ordered.

            Instead of taking cover, Shepard went for a more aggressive tactic and drove straight for the building. Tali using the Mako’s guns to take out as many as she could get before Shepard pulled the Mako right up next to the building. Tali swung the guns around and took out those who were in sight before signaling to Shepard to change position. Shepard moved the Mako around the building lining up more asari for Tali to shoot down.

            “Lost shields,” Kaidan said.

            Shepard reversed the Mako until it was hidden behind the building while they recovered the shields. Tali picked off any stupid enough to try to come close to the Mako. When the shields were back up, they moved to the opposite side of the building and finished off the few stragglers. They parked the Mako near the building entrance and went inside.

It took them a few minutes to clear out the inside of the building, killing a couple of krogan and too many asari to count. The area was laid out to the enemy’s advantage giving them multiple positions of cover while her team only had the door until they could press further into the room. Once the area was cleared, Shepard began looking around trying to ascertain what these people were doing here. A side room on the main floor had several weapons lockers and a medical station, but nothing to explain the purpose of this stronghold. Upstairs, Shepard found a desk with a computer. She sat down and began digging; it didn’t take her more than a minute to understand exactly what was going on here and exactly why she had been contacted by Nassana Dantius.

“Well now… this is interesting,” Shepard said.

“What did you find?” Tali asked.

Kaidan stayed by the door to the office watching in case anyone else showed up while Tali took up station next to Shepard. Shepard had several files open on the computer and pointed to a document that laid out the transport costs for the slaves that had been bought and sold through this location.

“They were slavers, and pirates by the looks of things. What’s captured my attention, however, is that the leader of this fine organization is sister to one Nassana Dantius. Right after we reached the Artemis system, I received a transmission from Dantius – who is apparently an asari ambassador on the Citadel – telling me that she had a job for me if I was interested. Wanted me to meet her on the Citadel to discuss it in person,” Shepard said.

Kaidan glanced over, “Was Dantius involved with her sister’s activities?”

“I’m not seeing anything to indicate that she was, but I do get the impression that Dantius knew about her sister’s slave trade. The Council must not know about this. It’s not really cool to hold her sister’s activities against her if she wasn’t involved, but if she knew about these activities and didn’t report them; Dantius could be in for a lot of trouble. I’ve downloaded these files. Let’s get out of here,” Shepard said. 

            Back on the Normandy, Shepard went to the cockpit and leaned in over the empty co-pilot seat.

            “Back to the Citadel, Commander?” Joker asked.

            “No, change of plans. I’m going to check out some of the reports we’ve received from the Alliance and other sources involving clusters nearby. Hades Gamma and then over to the Horsehead Nebula; that’s where Noveria is as well. Seems like this Dantius woman might could use a little time to sweat. We’ll get back to the Citadel soon enough, we’ll need to refuel and restock but after what I just found down there, I’m in no hurry to get to Dantius,” Shepard said.

            “What did you find?” Joker asked with a raised eyebrow.

            “Evidence that her sister was in the slave trade and she knew about it,” Shepard said.

            “Was?” Joker asked.

            Shepard smiled and nodded, “Was. Let me know if Dantius tries to contact us again.”

            “Aye, aye. Oh, and Commander? I prefer gold to silver. You know, for my medal,” Joker said with a shrug as he looked up at Shepard. “I figured you’d recommend me for one since I pulled your, uh, boots out of the fire.”

Shepard smirked and stood up straight, “If we present you with a medal, you’ll end up sitting on stage listening to politicians make speeches for a couple of hours.”

Joker nodded, “That’s a good point. They’d probably make me shave, too. I spent the last seven weeks working on this baby. No medal’s worth that. So, Commander, why don’t you tell me why you’re really here?”

_Because you’re one of her best friends and she doesn’t know it yet. Talking to you was just the first thing she thought to do when she got back on the ship._

Shepard took a minute to mull that over; she wasn’t sure why she was there, really. She could have told Joker all of that from anywhere on the ship. Still, he gave her the opening; she might as well use it to her advantage and get to know the guy a little better. If he’d let her.

“How’d you end up joining the Alliance?” Shepard asked.

“If you’re looking for an inspirational tale of the crippled kid overcoming impossible odds, you’re going to be disappointed,” Joker said. “My mother was a civilian contractor working for the Alliance. I basically grew up on the Arcturus station, back when they were building up the fleets. Spend all that time around Alliance ships and there’s a good chance you’ll end up going to the Academy.”

Shepard nodded and then patted the headrest of Joker’s seat, “I have to go.”

 “Alright. See ya,” Joker said.

            Shepard made her way to the galaxy map and put in the coordinates for the Hades Gamma cluster. There had been reports of a kidnapped chairman of the Parliament Subcommittee on Transhuman Studies. The report indicated that it was believed the chairman was being held by a group of biotics on a derelict freighter in the Farinata System. Another report said that a survey team had dropped out of contact in the Antaeus System.

            Shepard went down to the cargo bay to change out weapons in the lockers and sell off what they didn’t need to the requisitions officer. Robert, she remembered finally. His name was Robert Davis. When she was done with that, she headed over to Ashley. She wanted to check up on the woman, make sure she was holding it together after Eden Prime.

“Commander,” Ashley said by way of greeting.

“What’s your opinion on the last mission?” Shepard asked remembering the vague question got Ashley talking well last time.

“Not sure I buy Dr. T’Soni’s story. About her and her mom not talking. They’re family, right?” Ashley said shaking her head.

“I think she’s being straight with us. Or, at least, I don’t think she lies very often,” Shepard said.

“Yeah, she’s probably really bad at it,” Ashley said nodding. “Too bad those ruins got destroyed. I mean, they lasted thousands of years. That’s impressive.”

Shepard cringed recalling Councilor Sparatus’ remarks about the destruction of the ruins.

“Do you have a few minutes to talk one-on-one?” Shepard asked.

“Sure. I was hoping to get a minute of your time. Off the record,” Ashley stammered.

“I keep an open-door policy. If you have any concerns, lay them on me,” Shepard said.

Ashley looked down at the floor in front of her for a moment before taking a deep breath, “Alright. I know things are different aboard the Normandy, but – I’m concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex. With all due respect, Commander, should they have full access to the ship?”

“They may not serve the Alliance, Chief, but they’re allies. At least as far as Saren goes,” Shepard said.

“This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I don’t think we should give them free reign to poke around the vital systems. Engines. Sensors. Weapons,” Ashley said.

“You don’t trust the Alliance’s allies?” Shepard asked beginning to feel vaguely annoyed.

“I’m not sure I’d call the Council races allies. We – humanity, I mean – have to learn to rely on ourselves,” Ashley said.

“Standing up for ourselves doesn’t mean standing alone,” Shepard said.

“I don’t think we should turn down allies. I just think we shouldn’t bet everything on them staying allies,” Ashley said. “As noble as the Council members seem now, if their backs are against the wall, they’ll abandon us.”

“You’ve got a pessimistic view of the universe, Williams,” Shepard said shaking her head slightly.

“A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist,” Ashley said. “Look. If you’re fighting a bear, and the only way for you to survive is to sic your dog on it and run, you’ll do it. As much as you love your dog, it isn’t human. It’s not racism. Not really. Members of their species will always be more important to them than humans are.”

And apparently humans will always be more important to you than other species, so what’s your point, Williams, Shepard thought. Dogs are great, but we never considered them to be people. We recognize the alien species as people; they recognize us as people. That makes things very different.

“These seem like deeply-held beliefs, Williams. What made you think this way?” Shepard asked.

“My family’s defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, my grandfather, great-grandmother – they all picked up a rifle and swore the Oath of Service. I guess we just tend to think of Earth’s interests as our own,” Ashley said.

“You’re lucky. I lost my family on Mindoir. Are you related to anyone I’d have heard of?” Shepard asked, trying to ease the tension.

“Couldn’t say, Commander. I read about Mindoir. The Alliance screwed the pooch on that one. Should have had a bigger garrison. Is that why you’re out here? To take the fight to the pirates?” Ashley asked.

“Mainly, I wanted to serve. Protect the Alliance, save lives. You know,” Shepard said.

“Glad to hear it. I’d hate to think you’re out here for a free college education,” Ashley said.

“It doesn’t sound like you’ve worked with aliens before,” Shepard said wanting to better understand the woman’s stance.

Ashley shook her head, “No ma’am. Mainly I’ve been groundside. Part of the surface garrison forces. I did get a rotation on a space station for training. ‘Every marine, a rifleman; every rifleman, zee-gee certified.’”

“That’s odd. Your record is spotless, and your technical scores are exemplary. You should be serving with the fleet,” Shepard said.

“Anyway, that’s why I haven’t served with many aliens, Commander,” Ashley said.

That’s a sore spot, Shepard thought. Probably more to it than that. Leave it be for now.

“Alright. I can see where your concerns are coming from, Williams. But this is a multilateral mission. You’re going to have to work with aliens, like it or not,” Shepard said.

“It won’t be a problem, Commander. You say ‘jump,’ I say ‘how high.’ You tell me to kiss a turian, I’ll ask which cheek,” Ashley said.

Shepard shook her head, “I don’t think kissing turians will be necessary.”

“You never know, Commander,” Ashley said.

“Dismissed, Chief,” Shepard said.

“Ma’am,” Ashley said.

Shepard stopped by to say hello to Wrex on her way to the elevator. The krogan was in the same place as usual, watching the cargo bay like he expected Saren to pop up out of nowhere ready for a fight.

“So, we’ve got Saren on the run,” Wrex said pushing himself off the wall.

“It won’t be long now. Saren’s good, but I’m better,” Shepard said with a smile.

“Good? He’s rotten. To the core. I could tell as soon as I met him,” Wrex said.

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” Shepard asked annoyed and too focused now to explain the human idiom.

“I would’ve if I thought it was important,” Wrex said.

“I think I’d like to hear about it just the same,” Shepard said her brow furrowing.

“This was a while ago. A bunch of mercs were bragging about a job out near the edges of the Terminus Systems. They said it paid well and the boss was never around to ride them. They said he was looking for more men, too. So, I checked it out,” Wrex said.

“I didn’t know Saren was openly recruiting mercs,” Shepard said, maybe that explained the krogan working with him she thought.

_That and he’s breeding them on Virmire._

“It wasn’t that open. And he only showed his face once. We’d been raiding ships in the area for months when we took out this massive cargo freighter. Our biggest haul yet. I was on board checking bodies for valuables, looking for extra credits. That’s when I saw him,” Wrex said.

“What did Saren want with the ship?” Shepard asked.

“I don’t know what he wanted. He was just moving through the ship. Watching. Couple of the mercs called him by name, but he never spoke to them. Never spoke to anyone. I had a really bad feeling about him, so I got the hell out. Didn’t even wait to get paid,” Wrex said.

“What kind of cargo was the freighter carrying? What was Saren after?” Shepard pumped Wrex for more information.

“I don’t know. All I saw on that ship was food and medical supplies. There were some basic weapons, but nothing big. If there was anything of value on that ship, I didn’t see it. That’s why I didn’t mention it sooner,” Wrex said.

“Whose ship was it?” Shepard asked, still trying to understand what Saren was after.

“It was a volus trading vessel. Big one, lots of guards. But they were no match for us,” Wrex said.

“That’s the only time you saw him?” asked Shepard.

“Yeah. Didn’t even know who he was. Still wouldn’t if I hadn’t joined up with you. But my instincts were right. Every other merc on that mission turned up dead within a week. Every damn one,” Wrex said.

Shepard stood there, her thoughts racing through her head. Was there any way she could find out what ship it was, when this happened? Maybe she could get a manifest for everything that was on that ship at that time. She glanced back up at Wrex who was watching her, his big red eyes studied her but revealed nothing.

“So long, Wrex,” Shepard said.

“Shepard,” said Wrex.

She was on her way back towards the elevator when she glanced over and saw Garrus watching her as he fiddled with his visor. A smile spread across her lips and she changed course.

“Commander. How are you?” Garrus asked.

Shepard watched him fiddle with something on his visor for a moment.

“Why did you want to be a C-Sec officer in the first place?” Shepard asked.

“Hm. That’s a good question. There were several reasons, I guess,” Garrus said.

“Like what?” Shepard prodded.

Garrus shuffled his feet and looked off to the side for a moment, “Probably the same as most officers. I wanted to fight injustice, wanted to help people. I guess my father had something to do with it, too. He was C-Sec. One of the best. I grew up hearing about his accomplishments or seeing his picture on the vids after a big arrest. He’s taking my resignation pretty hard.”

“He’s not impressed that you’re going after Saren?” Shepard asked.

“My father’s a C-Sec man to the bone. ‘Do things right, or don’t do them at all,’ he says. He thinks I’m being too rash. Too impatient. He’s worried I’ll become just like Saren. He actually talked me out of becoming a Spectre when I was younger. For the same reasons,” Garrus said.

“You were asked to be a Spectre?” Shepard asked, though she had to admit she wasn’t very surprised.

“Well, I was targeted as a possible Spectre candidate. Me and about a thousand other turian military recruits. I could have received special training, but my father didn’t like it. He despises the Spectres. He hates the idea of someone having unlimited power with no accountability. He wouldn’t like you, Commander. No offense,” Garrus said.

“Spoken like a true C-Sec officer,” Shepard said with a sardonic chuckle.

“Yeah. It’s a speech I’ve heard one too many times,” Garrus said. “But Saren’s not going to play by our rules. C-Sec’s rules. If you want to nail Saren, you need to send someone who isn’t restricted by policies and procedures,” Garrus said.

“You’re a quick learner, Garrus. We’ll beat him at his own game. It’s the only way to stop someone like him,” Shepard said.

“I’m right behind you, Commander,” Garrus said. “Uh, before you go?”

Shepard turned back around to face him, “Yeah?”

“Lie to me,” Garrus said.

Shepard laughed, “Still Vakarian, really?”

“Come on, lie to me,” Garrus pleaded.

“Alright, alright. Hmmm let’s see. I was married for ten years to a man named Marshall. We had three children together before we divorced; he fell in love with a man named Steven and left me and the kids. Times were really rough for a long time. I did my best trying to raise them on my own, but I just wasn’t able to handle it. I guess I’m just not cut out for motherhood. I ended up putting the children up for adoption, and then I joined the Alliance. I thought that if I could get on a ship, get far enough away from Earth, that I could make myself forget my failures. Truth is, not a day goes by that I don’t think about Jesse, Sam, and Robin. I find myself wondering if they remember me; if they hate me. What they look like now. If they’re happy,” Shepard said.

Garrus was squinting in concentration, “Okay, okay. Making stuff up without context is easy. Poor Jess, Sam, and Robin. How about… let me ask you a question. A real question and you lie to me?”

Shepard laughed, “Garrus, I’ve got work to do.”

“Humor me, Shepard, just one question. I swear,” Garrus said.

Shepard nodded, “Alright, shoot.”

“Spirits woman, you’re lucky I’ve spent time around humans. You don’t tell turians to shoot unless you really mean shoot,” Garrus shook his head slightly.

“Garrus…” Shepard whined.

“Alright. On the Citadel, with the AI, you looked like something scared the life out of you. What happened?” Garrus asked.

Shepard’s breath caught, and she saw Garrus’ eye twitch. He’d seen her heartrate spike. His mandibles fluttered.

“No. Ask something else,” Shepard said flatly.

He cocked his head to the side, and pulled his mandibles in tight. Shepard could tell that his every instinct as a C-Sec officer was telling him to sink his teeth into that one and shake it until something fell loose. Shepard stared at him with her jaw clenched.

“Just not that, please. I don’t even want to think about that… I – I can’t,” Shepard said.

“Hmm, okay. At the Citadel, before we boarded the Normandy, you said you intended to find Saren and take him down regardless of what Anderson and Udina said. Would you have followed orders to not look for Saren if you hadn’t been given Spectre status?” Garrus asked.

“Of course, I always do everything by the book,” Shepard said with a smile.

“Damnit. Shepard you’re killing me. Wait. How am I supposed to know that you aren’t just telling me the truth to pass it off as a lie? Hell, how am I supposed to ever believe anything you ever say to me, now?” Garrus asked.

Shepard smiled and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, Vakarian,” she drawled, “I suppose you’ll just have to learn to trust me. Now, I should go.”

Shepard walked away and just as she was about to step on to the elevator she heard Garrus call after her.

“You’re evil, woman. Pure evil!” he said.

She stepped into the elevator and pushed the button, as the door was closing she winked at him. Shepard spent the next several hours in her cabin filling out reports and doing research on the turians and their role in the Krogan Rebellions. She sincerely hoped that Wrex wasn’t going to prove to be hostile towards Garrus. Wrex was understandably carrying around a lot of bad feelings about the genophage and it was the turians that released the biological weapon. Granted, as Wrex said, the salarians created it but that hardly negated the turians actions.

            Joker let Shepard know that they had arrived at the Hades Gamma cluster. Shepard went back to the CIC and began scanning the systems. She found signs of the survey team on Trebin, in the Antaeus system. Shepard took Liara and Wrex down with her to investigate. She wanted to see how Lira handled herself on the field before she took her into a serious battle. Even if Liara was as supportive of Shepard as she seemed to be, there was no guarantees that things wouldn’t change if Liara had to face off against her mother.

            On the surface they ran across a thresher maw and some scavengers at a crash site but nothing major. No sign of geth activity, no sign of Saren. Shepard found an area littered with crashed satellites, nearby was a device transmitting a tightbeam signal that must have interfered with the survey teams satellites’ GPS systems, causing them to crash. She disabled the device before heading to the research base. They found that the research base was abandoned. There weren’t any bodies, no signs that anyone had been there for a while. Research logs found in one of the shelters indicated that the team had found some sort of alien technology; the reports were vague though, providing no real information on what it was the team found. Maps marked the excavation site, and it wasn’t far from the camp.

            The team piled back into the Mako and went to the excavation site. The exterior set up was similar to the place they found Liara, but on a smaller scale. Shepard headed up the ramp and into the dig site. They made their way through the tunnel and cave systems until they came to a room filled with the same husk creatures that the geth had turned people into back on Eden Prime. The husks swarmed the area, coming straight for Shepard and her team like nothing more than rabid animals.

When all the husks were dead, Liara spoke up, “I have heard of this before. Whatever alien technology the survey team unearthed must have turned them into mindless fanatics. Machine cultists.”

“Whatever they found, it’s long gone now,” Wrex said.

“We need to sweep the area and see if we can find anything. This is the same thing I saw on Eden Prime. The geth were putting humans on these spikes and the spikes were somehow transforming them into these husks. There might be something here than can tell us more about what the geth were doing to those people,” Shepard said.

“Maybe this is where the geth got the tech in the first place,” Wrex said.

“Could be, come on,” Shepard said.

As they neared the back of the room, two doors opened and more husks swarmed out. Liara’s Singularity proved to be the most useful tactic to use against the husks. They were clustered together and had no comprehension of what the floating biotic sphere meant and so made no efforts to avoid being pulled up into the field.

When the last one fell, Shepard said, “That’s all of them. All of the ExoGeni surveyors that were supposed to be here. They’re all accounted for.”

In the backrooms, they found spikes similar to what the geth had used on Eden Prime. Shepard scanned one of them with her omni-tool and sent the readings to Anderson. She hoped he could get an Alliance team working on analyzing the data. There had been a strange glowing orb in the first room where they encountered the husks as well. She stopped to try to scan the orb on the way back out but whatever it was caused her omni-tool to go on the fritz. The best she could do was to include a description of it and send the coordinates for it in the report to Anderson and the Council.

Back on the Normandy she set the coordinates for the Farinata system and then went down to Engineering to talk to Tali. She found the quarian quietly working at a terminal. Shepard stood next to Tali before leaning against the control station, looking over her shoulder to make sure she wasn’t accidentally pushing any buttons with her hip. Tali stopped her work and turned to Shepard.

“Oh. Hello, Shepard,” Tali sounded down.

“Are you okay?” Shepard asked, she liked talking to Tali she was usually so animated and expressive that it made it easy to know what the quarian was feeling without being able to see her facial gestures.

“I don’t know. Your ship is amazing, and your crew’s been really great to me. Especially your chief engineer. But I just sort of feel… out of place. The Normandy runs so smooth it feels like we’re not even moving. And the engines are so quiet. How do you sleep at night?” Tali said.

“The silence wakes you up?” Shepard asked finding the idea odd.

“Back on the flotilla, the last thing you want to hear is silence. It means an engine’s died or an air filter’s shut down. I guess you don’t have to worry about that here, but old habits die hard. But it’s more than just the silence. This ship feels so empty; it’s like half the crew is missing. Back home, I couldn’t wait to go on my Pilgrimage. I couldn’t wait to get away from the crowds. Now that I’m out here, I kind of miss them,” Tali said.

“Sometimes we don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone,” Shepard said.

“That’s true. I’m starting to wonder if that’s what the Pilgrimage is really about. It’s given me a whole new perspective on my people and our culture. You know, there’s always a few who go on their Pilgrimages and never return. I always assumed something bad happened to them, but maybe they just wanted a different life,” Tali said.

“You do plan to return to the Migrant Fleet, right?” Shepard asked.

“I could never abandon my people, Shepard. I will go back eventually. But we have to stop Saren first. Otherwise, I might not have a home to go back to,” Tali said.

Shepard nodded in understanding. She wondered if she could get a recording of the engines from the flotilla or something to help Tali sleep. Maybe even just a noise machine from the Citadel, if they had them. She use to have one in her room when she was a kid that she could choose different sounds from. There was a recording of ocean waves, sounds of traffic, thunderstorms, and even crickets. Shepard always liked to listen to the thunderstorms as she fell asleep at night. _Always did love a good storm. She’ll be okay, though. She’ll adjust. Tali’Zorah vas Normandy is made of stronger stuff than she thinks._

“I should go,” Shepard said.

“See you later,” Tali said.

Shepard made her way back to her cabin; she had more reports to write and to send off. She really hated reports, but she knew why they were necessary. She included the data she retrieved from the spikes and the description of the orb they had found in her report, as well as an explanation of how the spikes somehow changed the ExoGeni team into the husks. She made sure to express the similarities between the ExoGeni team and what happened on Eden Prime. She knew Anderson would note the connection right away, but he was there, he had seen some of what took place. The Council, on the other hand, she expected would find some way to deny the connection if they didn’t just outright deny the existence of the husks. She wondered if they would always doubt everything she said, and if so, what was the point of making her Spectre. _They will doubt it until the reapers invade in force, and then they will expect you to figure out a way to fight off the reapers while they refuse to help until they have no other option._ To the report she was sending to the Council she added a note about the matriarch writings, turian insignias, and salarian ID tags.

She carefully boxed up the artifacts and left her cabin. Kaidan saw her headed towards the med bay with her hands full and offered to take the box for her.

“I’ve got it, but I wouldn’t mind it if you got that door for me,” Shepard said.

“Of course, Commander,” he said rushing ahead of her to open the med bay door.

“Thanks, Kaidan,” she said stepping into the room.

“Anytime, Shepard,” Kaidan said as he lingered around.

Shepard raised an eyebrow, “Oh, uh, you could get the door to Liara’s office for me to I guess.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Kaidan said as he jogged across the med bay to open Liara’s door.

“Kaidan. Is there something…” Shepard heard Liara’s voice from the other room.

“Oh, no, sorry. I didn’t mean to just barge in on you. Sorry. Uh, Shepard’s coming. She’s got a box and uh… I was just getting the door for her,” Kaidan said.

“I see, well, that is kind of you,” Liara said.

Shepard caught the faint blush on Kaidan’s cheeks as she passed him to enter the room.

“Thanks, Kaidan,” Shepard said.

Kaidan nodded and continued to stand there until the two women turned to look at him expectantly.

“Oh, uh, sorry. I’ll leave you two to talk,” Kaidan said leaving the room and letting the door close behind him.

 “So not smooth,” Shepard mumbled to herself with a chuckle.

Liara stood by her desk watching Shepard as she set the box down carefully. Her curiosity and excitement making her youth seem evident. It was like watching a child be handed a present on their birthday. Shepard couldn’t help but to smile at the asari.

“I have a task for you, if you don’t mind,” Shepard began.

She could tell Liara was straining to see into the box without being obvious, “Yes, Shepard, I will help in any way that I can.”

“Excellent. While on the field, I’ve found a few artifacts. They’ll need to be taken to the Council, but I would like for you to create detailed reports on them for our own records. I’d like them to be scanned so that we have images to reference, as well as written descriptions of the items and any information you can find on them should be attached to the reports,” Shepard said waving Liara over.

Liara wasted no time closing the space between herself and the box. Peering down inside she let out an excited gasp.

“Shepard, these are excellent finds! They are not prothean, so I’m sure my knowledge on them will be limited. I will do some research. May I?” Liara asked.

“By all means, I leave them in your capable hands Dr. T’soni. You are the archeologist after all,” Shepard said.

Liara reached into the box and very carefully lifted out a turian insignia before laying it out flat on a cleared table space.

“I believe this is from one of the turian colonies lost during the Unification World. I do not know much about those colonies so I will have to do some research to find out which colony. Where did you find this?” Liara asked.

Shepard handed Liara a datapad, “A brief description, cluster, system, and planet name as well as coordinates is listed here for each item.”

Liara took the datapad and skimmed it briefly, “Oh, I see you have found several as well as some ID tags from salarian corpses… and Shepard, am I understanding the correctly? By the Goddess, you have also located writings from an asari matriarch?”

“Correct,” Shepard said.

“Oh, this is very exciting. I will get started cataloging all of these right away. Have you showed these insignias to Garrus?” Liara asked.

“No, I guess it didn’t occur to me. You think he’d want to see them?” Shepard asked.

“How could he not? This is the history of his people! I will call him and ask him if he would like to come to my office to see them. I do not want to move them too much,” Liara shuddered slightly, “I cannot imagine that the cargo bay would be the best atmosphere for artifacts either.”

Shepard suppressed a laugh, “I should go. I’ll leave you to it, Liara. Thanks.”

The other woman was already opening her omni-tool to call Garrus as Shepard left the office. Kaidan was still in the med bay talking to Dr. Chakwas. He was turned to where he could see Liara’s office door though, and it was more than obvious that he had stuck around to wait for Shepard to come back out. Dr. Chakwas had a knowing grin on her face as she watched Kaidan’s attention slide to the Commander.

“Thanks, Dr. Chakwas. I’ll uh, I’ll keep that in mind,” Kaidan said to the older woman.

“Of course, Lieutenant. And don’t forget, in a pinch, caffeine can sometimes help with migraines,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard walked past the doctor and Kaidan and out of the med bay door. She’d taken four steps when Kaidan was at her side. Shepard glanced over at him.

“Kaidan, is there something you need?” Shepard asked.

“I just thought I’d see how you were doing. I mean, after dealing with the slavers… I just thought, you know considering your past…” Kaidan trailed off.

Damn it if this man hasn’t got a heart of gold, Shepard thought. She stopped walking and turned to look at Kaidan. He waited patiently, watching her as she quietly studied his face. He had a squared jawline, but otherwise soft features. His short hair was nearly as dark as hers. His eyes were a light, soulful brown. He was clean shaven but she could see the fine traces of stubble, mapping out where his beard would be if he grew one. Would it really be so bad to let this man love her; to let herself love him in return? _Are you really doing this? I know you think that you might crush him, but the fact is he’s going to crush you if you do this. Hell, he’ll crush you even if you don’t, if he lives through Virmire, but at least it won’t hurt quite so bad when those soft eyes look at you with contempt and utter disgust._

“I’m fine, Kaidan. Thank you for asking, though,” Shepard said.

“Sure, Commander. But if you ever decide, you know, that you want to talk about it or anything really, you know where to find me,” Kaidan said before leaving her to return to his station.

Shepard went back to her cabin and started researching the asari. A couple of hours later and Joker was notifying her that they were approaching the Farinata system. Shepard saved the files she was working with and left her cabin to head up to the CIC. Once in the Farinata system, finding the MSV Ontario was relatively easy. The Farinata was a small system, home to only three planets and two asteroid belts.

The report said that they would be dealing with fanatical biotics, so Shepard thought it best to bring Liara and Kaidan along with her for this run. They docked the Normandy with the MSV Ontario and boarded the vessel. Shepard made her way through the ship to where her scanners were telling her she would find people. She had her weapon ready but would give them the ‘fire on sight’ test before she started shooting herself. This was a hostage situation, and she did not know the nature of the demands being made, if any. As soon as the ship’s crew saw Shepard and her team, they failed the test.

“Intruders! Kill the hostage!” someone yelled out an order.

Instantly Kaidan, Liara, and Shepard were fighting off wave after wave of biotic humans hell bent on destroying them. At least that’s what they kept saying. They fought off the biotics and rushed through the ship, checking each room until they found the one with the hostage. Shepard opened the door and saw a man on his knees, his hands on top of his head. A man in military casual dress stood behind him with a gun to his head.

“See how it is? You write letters and everyone ignores you. Force is the only thing people appreciate. So how about if I kill Chairman Burns and finish this charade?” the man with the gun said.

“Please! I was trying to help you people!” the man on his knees begged.

The others in the room stood by complacent, watching as their obvious leader threatened to shoot the man in the back of the head.

Shepard held up a hand, “Let’s not do anything we’re all going to regret.”

“Why not? What have we got to lose?” the gunman asked. “Since the chairman here decided that we didn’t get reparations, we’ve got nothing left to live for!”

“But I’ve changed my mind! Seeing y-you all, it’s c-clear that you all d-deserve…” Chairman Burns stammered.

“You had your chance! Some L2s are nearly crippled from side effects of the implants, but you voted against reparations!” the gunman said.

Shepard spared a glance over her shoulder at Kaidan; he had an L2 implant. It’s what caused his migraines according to Dr. Chakwas. She saw Kaidan’s face pinched tight with disapproval.

“I’m giving you a choice. Put down your weapons and surrender,” Shepard said.

The gunman fired a shot into the back of the chairman’s head and his body crumpled to the floor. _If you had saved him, he would have gotten the reparations pushed through. Now he’s dead and you have to kill the rest. Nice work, Shepard._

“As if we’d trust the Alliance after what it did to us. Get them!” he yelled to his followers.

“Damn it!” Shepard cursed, taking aim at the leader and firing.

The fight didn’t last long and Shepard was so glad she’d thought to bring her best biotics with her, though now she was concerned what affect this would have on Kaidan. She leaned down next to the chairman and felt for a pulse. With a point blank shot to the back of the head, she knew there was no real chance he’d still be alive but she had to check. Her fingers found nothing, and a scan with her omni-tool confirmed the man was dead.

“Damn it,” Shepard said again.

They made their way back to the Mako as Shepard replayed the conversation in her head, wondering if there was anything that she could have done differently. Perhaps she shouldn’t have tried to talk the man down, maybe she should have just shot him the second she walked in and saw his gun to the chairman’s head. Could she have saved the chairman, then? She radioed Joker for a pick up.

Back on the Normandy, Shepard stowed her gear and then went to talk to Kaidan. She wasn’t sure where to start or what to say, so she was relieved when he started talking first.

“Do you have some time to talk now, Commander,” Kaidan asked when she approached him.

“Of course. Have a seat,” Shepard said.

“We’ve played it pretty close to the book so far. But we’re a long way from backup. We’ve got some tough calls to make. I’m just saying… try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do to someone. And I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard. Commander,” Kaidan said.

“This a personal observation, Kaidan?” Shepard asked raising her eyebrows.

“Maybe that’s not my place. I don’t want to send any bad signals, Commander. Just, uh, working on what I’ve picked up,” Kaidan said. “You tell me if I’m going too far.”

“I’m listening. Tell me why you feel the need to speak up,” Shepard said.

“I’m not questioning any decision you’ve made, Shepard. Let me be clear about that. It’s just my experience that once someone lets something slide; it tends to pick up speed. You get my meaning?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard wasn’t clear on what the hell the lieutenant was talking about, what had she let slide? Was this about the biotics? She had tried to talk the man down, she didn’t let anything slide.

“You’re talking about a particular example, aren’t you?” Shepard asked starting to feel her ire rise.

“You know the records about the biotic training on Jump Zero? They’re all classified. Because the Alliance made mistakes. After first contact, Conatix was set up to track element zero exposures and develop implants for humans. Once we had an embassy on the Citadel, Conatix could bring in ‘experts’ instead of taking it slow,” Kaidan said.

“The only experts would have to be aliens,” Shepard said.

“Dead on. Turians, actually. That’s why Conatix kept it a secret. They were afraid of what people back home would think. Asking the turians for help when we’d just fought a war with them,” Kaidan said.

“The asari would have been more acceptable than the turians,” Shepard said.

Especially seeing as the asari were all naturally inclined towards biotics and it was far less common with turians. Turians tended to be less powerful biotics as well. Shepard’s research had also informed her that to be a biotic turian was to be frowned upon in their culture. Turian biotics tended to be placed into special units in the military, called Cabals and only used for specific missions.

“Yes, but the company didn’t go through the Citadel. It would have made Earth look weak. So they discreetly hired some turian mercenaries,” Kaidan said.

“Was there some reason we couldn’t learn it on our own?” Shepard asked.

“They didn’t know where to start. Hell, it took a couple years to even link biotics and eezo. Forget trying to get the kids to move stuff. They had trouble just helping them not break their own limbs. And their choice of teachers didn’t help much,” Kaidan said.

“I’m sure Conatix did what they thought was best,” Shepard offered.

“It wasn’t best for us. They brought in an ex-military turian named Commander Vyrnnus. To introduce himself, he liked to say, ‘I was at the helm of the dreadnaught that killed your father’. I told him my dad wasn’t even in the war. He retired to Vancouver. My family had an inland home that matured to new beachfront. Vyrnnus had it in for me after that. He cut corners, pushed hard. I mean, you either came out a superman or a wreck. And a lot of kids snapped. A few died. The point of all this – I guess – is that when you cut corners, it’s not always obvious who pays for it,” Kaidan said.

“So why are you telling me this? Are you saying I’m cutting corners somewhere?” Shepard asked, raising her shoulders defensively.

She didn’t like where Kaidan was going with this. She felt insulted and she didn’t even know why he we seemed to be questioning her integrity.

“I’m saying – it’s probably inevitable that we’ll have to. And when that happens, I want to help you. When someone important to you is up on a ledge, you help them. Keep them from mistakes better made by a kid,” Kaidan said.

Mistakes better made by a kid. Shepard clenched her jaw.

“So you think you have leave to talk like we’re more than officers?” Shepard asked.

“I got some signals. Maybe some static too, I guess. If I’m out of line, just say the word,” Kaidan said with hesitation.

“Sorry, Kaidan. This was just a battlefield thing,” Shepard said shutting the man down far more callously than she had intended.

“There’s my answer, then. I’m sorry to have bothered you, Commander. I got some mixed signals. With your permission, I should return to my duties,” Kaidan said the hurt evident in his voice and eyes.

Shepard turned to walk away but then stopped. She stood there for a moment, a few feet away from Kaidan with her back to the man. She tilted her head back and sighed towards the ceiling before turning back around.

“Kaidan, look. I’m sorry, I didn’t need to be that harsh,” Shepard started to explain.

Kaidan was looking down at the table in front of him, moving things around on his work table. He wasn’t going to look at her. Shepard a step towards the man and tried again.

“Tell me to fuck off and I’ll leave you alone, but Kaidan I want you to know that I think you’re a great guy. Really, I do,” Shepard said.

“You can save the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech, Commander. I’ve heard it before,” Kaidan said softly.

“Well that wasn’t a ‘fuck off’ so I’m going to take that as an opening to talk,” Shepard said as she went to stand next to Kaidan.

She turned so that she was facing the opposite direction of him and leaned back against his table with her arms crossed. Kaidan glanced at her briefly before looking down at his table again. Shepard was quiet for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts.

“You aren’t the type I guy I normally go for, that is true. I won’t lie to you about that. Does that mean I don’t find you attractive? No, not at all. Does that mean that I don’t like your personality? No, even if there are things about you that clash with my own personality. I think that if we were to pursue a relationship that there is a decent chance it could work out. I can tell that you are a very passionate person, you’re optimistic; you’re generous, and level-headed. You’re intelligent, compassionate – like I said a great guy. I also have absolutely no doubt that you and I will fail to see eye to eye on many things, and although that might cause some turbulence, I think that we’re both accepting enough of the faults of others to be able to work past that. The problem is, as clichéd as it might sound, is that I think eventually one of us would have to sacrifice who we are to make it work out,” Shepard said looking at the wall but watching Kaidan out of her peripheral.

He remained quiet so she continued, “That’s not something I want for myself. It’s not something I want for you. That’s ignoring the regulations that say we shouldn’t because you’re a subordinate. Sure, there’s work-arounds to that, I know. But there’s still more to it than even all of this…,” She trailed off.

She turned her head to look at Kaidan; she wanted to know that he was listening to her. She could tell by the furrow in his brow, and the way he was gripping the edge of the table like it was a life raft that he was. He was staying quiet and letting her speak her peace, not because he needed to hear it, but because she needed to say it. _This is hurting him. Maybe even worse than if you had just walked away._

“I’ve been through a lot, Kaidan. I’ve seen a lot of ugly things in my life and I’ve had to do a lot of ugly things. I strive to be a better person, but there is ugliness inside of me still. There always will be, and a part of how that has seemed to manifest for me is that I don’t do this type of close relationship well. I’ve got no interest in commitment; no desire to get married and have children, no desire to retire on beach somewhere and watch my grandkids playing in the sand. I have no desire to wake up next to the same person every morning, Kaidan. I’m guessing that’s the kind of life you want and that’s not the kind of life I can give you. What I can give you, Kaidan, is comradery and if you’ll let me, friendship,” Shepard finally stopped talking.

It had been a long time since she had shared that much of herself with anyone. She watched as Kaidan took in her words. She could almost see the gears turning in his head as he processed things, as he put it before.  He shook his head slightly and sighed.

“Alright. Damn it, Shepard. So what, just one of the guys, eh?” Kaidan asked looking up at her.

Shepard smiled, “Just one of the guys. But better, you know, because I’m a woman.”

A grin spread across Kaidan’s face and he chuckled, “That you are, Shepard. That you are.”

“So are we good?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah, Shepard. We’re good,” Kaidan said nodding.

Shepard patted him on the back as she pushed away from his table, “Good, back to work then, lieutenant.”

“Yes ma’am,” Kaidan said.

On the stairs heading up to the CIC, Shepard blew out a deep breath, sending stray bits of hair flying about. She raked her hand through her hair, pushing it back out of her face. _That worked out well; good._ Back at the galaxy map, Shepard was about to set course for the Horsehead Nebula when Joker told her a message was coming in and he was patching it through.

“Thank you for dealing with the hostage situation, Commander. Chairman Burns’ death was regrettable but I trust you did everything you could to save him. Your assistance above and beyond formal duties has been noted, Commander. Fifth Fleet out,” the transmission said.

Shepard punched in the destination before stepping away from the galaxy map. It had been a long day and she needed her bed right now. It would take time to get back to a mass relay and then to the Horsehead Nebula. She probably had a few more hours in her if she needed them, but she didn’t and damn it if she wasn’t the boss on this ship. Shepard hit the showers and collapsed onto her bed twenty minutes later.

 


	11. Chapter 10: Long Live The Queen

**Chapter 10: Long Live The Queen**

Once in the Horsehead Nebula, Shepard used the galaxy map to direct Joker to the Strenuus system. That was where that man in the Citadel Tower said his brother’s ship was last reported to be. The morning had been quiet, so far. If Shepard had had any more of those unusual dreams, she didn’t remember them at all when she woke up. Still, the dreams that she had been having were unnerving. She could never hold on to them for more than a few seconds after waking but in those seconds she was struck by how foreign yet oh so familiar they had seemed.

Shepard scanned the Strenuus system and found the MSV Majesty not far from the planet Xawin. The Normandy detected a faint trail of radioactive particles – possibly exhaust from a sub-light nuclear engine drive – leading toward Xawin. The ship itself was empty. She gave the order to go to Xawin and for Garrus and Ashley to suit up.

Xawin was a cold, frozen planet but that didn’t seem to stop the damned thresher maws from surviving. They moved through the frozen surface just as quickly as anywhere else. Why did probes crash so often right next to a damn thresher maw’s hunting ground? They checked out a nearby camp but found it abandoned. The generator was still functional, and Shepard found notes on several mineral deposit locations.

They made their way to an anomalous signal only to find that it was a geth trap. As soon as they got close to the beacon, four geth armatures rose up out of the snow. The way they were set up made it difficult to find cover. Still, with some fast maneuvering they were able to take the armatures down with minimal damage to the Mako. While Garrus patched the Mako with omni-gel, Shepard looked over the area. She could find no reason for the geth presence. There was nothing in this area other than that damned beacon. She couldn’t see any reason for the ambush in this location and it was sitting with her wrong. Saren really didn’t think it would be so easy to take Shepard out, did he? Not when she had already cut her way through every other geth he’d dropped in her path. How could he even know that she would come to Xawin? This seemed like a pointless waste of resources to her. _Sorry, can’t help you. You’ll run across a lot more that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, too._

Shepard got back in the Mako and drove to the last location on the scanner. It was a mercenary camp protected by four turrets and snipers. Once the threats outside were taken care of, Shepard pulled the Mako around the building and parked it next to the front door. Inside, it was set up much the same as the other prefab’s she had been in with a small entryway just inside the main door that led to a larger room. This left her little option other than to take cover by the entryway to the main room until she could fight her way in. Past that choke point, the fight was already won.

Shepard found a couple of lockers with weapons and mods. She felt no guilt taking them for her own crew’s use. The back room was empty, just cots and mostly empty lockers. Upstairs, she found the body of Captain Willem, he had been dead awhile. Rigor mortis had long sense set in and the smell couldn’t be disguised. Why in the world would they have left his body up here to rot was beyond her, especially when the low temperatures outside would have preserved the corpse and kept the smell at bay. He seemed to be holding something in his hand so Shepard knelt down next to him, doing her best not to gag over the smell and pried a datapad from his fingers. She didn’t bother to look at it; it wasn’t any of her business. She’d take it back to his brother on the Citadel after they went to Noveria.

Shepard got her crew back to the Mako and called for a pickup. Back on the Normandy, she headed straight to the galaxy map and inputted the coordinates for the Pax system. She was just about to turn away from the map when Joker’s voice came through on the comm.

“Commander, urgent message from Alliance Command coming in. I’ll patch it through,” Joker said.

“Shepard, this is Admiral Hackett from Alliance Command. We’ve got a situation here and you’re the only one who can handle it,” Hackett said.

“What do you need, Admiral?” Shepard asked recognizing the man’s voice; he’d sent her on missions before for the Fifth Fleet.

“There’s an Alliance training ground where we test weapons and technology in live-fire simulations. One of the VI’s we use to simulate enemy tactics in the drills is no longer responding to our override commands. it’s gone rogue,” Hackett said.

_EDI…_

“Are you telling me this computer is thinking on its own?” Shepard asked.

“We’re not stupid, Shepard. This is a virtual intelligence, not a true AI. It’s not self-aware, and it can’t access any external systems. We didn’t do anything illegal here. Virtual intelligence support is critical to our military success. VIs process thousands of status reports and react in nanoseconds. No human can do that,” Hackett explained. “We need you to fight your way through the training ground to the VI core, and manually disable it.”

“Don’t worry, Admiral. I’ll take that thing out,” Shepard promised.

“I know Spectres answer to the Council, but you’re still human. You’re still a part of the Alliance military, and right now we need you. The VI controls all of the facility’s weapons, drones, and automated defenses. You’re the only one who can pull this off, Shepard. Good luck,” Hackett said ending the call.

Shepard felt mildly annoyed at the admiral’s obvious attempts to manipulate her. She knew she was human. And she’d stay a part of the Alliance so long as they kept her. She also knew that as a Spectre, she couldn’t make a habit of playing favorites. Especially with non-Alliance personnel onboard. She would take down this VI not because she was human, and not because she was Alliance, but because it needed done. Period. Shepard left the CIC and made her way to her cabin.

She’d been finishing up a report when there was a faint knock at her door. It was so quiet that at first she wasn’t sure if she had heard it or not. Shepard got up from her desk and opened her door just in time to see Liara turning away. She was holding the box Shepard had taken to her with the artifacts.

“Liara? Did you need something?” Shepard asked.

Liara turned and Shepard could swear the asari looked embarrassed. She seemed to struggle with an internal debate before smiling and taking a step towards Shepard, extending the box out from her body a hair.

“Oh, Commander. I am sorry to have bothered you. I just wanted to ask what you would like done with these artifacts. I have finished scanning them and do not need them to be present while I finish my research. I mean, of course I would be honored to safeguard them until we reach the Citadel but I did not know if-,” Liara rambled

“Come on in, Liara. You can tell me what you’ve found so far,” Shepard said cutting Liara off and stepping aside to make room.

Liara smiled warmly and walked past Shepard, “Thank you, Commander.”

Liara stopped just inside the door and looked around the room. Shepard motioned for Liara to have a seat at the desk nearest to the door before fetching the chair from the desk near her bed to join her. Liara only sat once Shepard did, gently sliding the box onto the table in front of them.

“So, what did you find?” Shepard asked.

Liara didn’t need any more encouragement than that before she launched into an explanation of the salarian ID tags that Shepard had recovered. She gently removed one of the medallions from the box to show to Shepard as she spoke of its history.

“The medallions you recovered were not simply from salarian STG units. No, these are far older. These medallions came from a special, secret organization the salarians had called the League of One. They were a group of secret operatives specializing in assassination and espionage. Their identities were kept secret until after the salarians discovered the Citadel and my people. As a sign of good faith, the salarians released their classified documents and in so doing revealed the identities of the League of One,” Liar lectured.

Shepard looked over the medallion quietly while Liara spoke, turning it around and around in her hand. It was old, worn, and faded but she could make out the image of a salarian standing in relief against the background of buildings towering in the sky. There had been words on the medallion at some point, but they had all but worn away. There wasn’t enough there for her to make anything out. She handed the coin back to Liara who carefully settled it back in the box.

“What happened to them?” Shepard asked leaning back in her chair.

“It is impossible to say with certainty, but soon after the release of the documents, the League of One stopped reporting in to the Salarian Union. It was believed that with their names revealed, enemies of the salarians began hunting down the members of the League; whether as acts of revenge of for other unknown political reasons. Others theorized that the League of One had gone into hiding to protect their own identities. Within a few months, however, the inner cabinet of the Salarian Union was found murdered. Those remaining came to realize that the League of One had gone rogue; likely in protest to the dangers the Salarian Union had placed them in by releasing their names to the public. The salarians sent members of the Special Tasks Group to find the missing League of One members but most of those who were sent out never returned themselves. Only two members of the second task force sent returned and claimed to have found no evidence of the League of One. It was believed that the League had been… neutralized,” Liara finished.

Shepard watched as the woman spoke animatedly about the history of the League. She could tell that Liara was passionate about her work, but she realized that Liara didn’t seem to talk about herself much. In the quiet pause, Shepard spoke up changing the subject. She could learn about the turian insignias and matriarch’s writings later.

“Tell me about yourself, Liara,” Shepard said.

“Me? I am afraid I am not very interesting, Commander,” Liara said looking down at the floor seemingly embarrassed by the request. “I spend most of my time on remote digs; unearthing mundane items buried in long-forgotten prothean ruins.”

“You must enjoy something about it,” Shepard said.

“I love my work. Seeking out history’s lost secrets has a special appeal for me. You were actually touched by working prothean technology! That is why I find you so fascinating, Commander,” Liara said.

“Sounds like you want to dissect me in a lab somewhere,” Shepard said.

“What? No! I did not mean to insinuate – Ah, I never meant to offend you, Shepard. I only meant that you would be an interesting specimen for an in-depth study. No – that’s even worse!” Liara said clearly flustered.

Shepard chuckled, “Calm down, Liara. I was only joking.”

“Joking? Oh, by the Goddess! How could I be so dense?” Liara held a hand up to her forehead as she berated herself. “You must think I am a complete and utter fool. Now you know why I prefer to spend my time in the field with data disks and computers. I always seem to say something embarrassing around other people. Please… just pretend this conversation never happened.”

Liara stood suddenly, “Excuse me, Commander. I should really get back to work. Is there some place you would like for me to put these?”

“Keep them with you, Liara. I trust you’ll keep them safe,” Shepard said standing as well.

She walked Liara to the door, noting the way the other woman held the box close to her own body protectively. On her way out the door, Shepard stopped Liara with a hand on her shoulder.

“And Liara?” Shepard said.

“Yes, Commander?” Liara asked.

“Try to relax, you’re doing fine,” Shepard said with a smile.

Liara smiled and dipped her head, “I will try, thank you.”

_She already likes you._

She watched as Liara made her way across the mess hall and back into the med bay to her own office. She glanced up and saw Kaidan watching her watch Liara, but he looked back down at his own table when she turned his way. Shepard frowned but went back inside her cabin to fill out more reports.

Shepard had gotten the call from Joker letting her know they were arriving at Noveria. She headed up to the cockpit to watch the descent.

“Approach Control, this is the SSV Normandy. Requesting a vector and a berth,” Joker hailed the Noveria station.

“Normandy, you’re arrival was not scheduled. Our defense grid is armed and tracking you. State your business,” a masculine voice responded.

“Citadel business. We’ve got a Council Spectre aboard,” Joker said into the comm leaning forward.

Shepard stood behind him, watching as her pilot tensed up.

“Landing access granted, Normandy. Be advised: we will be confirming identification on arrival. If confirmation cannot be established, your vessel will be impounded,” the voice said.

 “What a fun bunch. I think I’ll take my next leave here,” Joker smirked looking back over his shoulder at Shepard.

She couldn’t hide the half smile that crept on her face in response. The smartass was growing on her. Shepard asked Joker to have Garrus and Liara suit up before leaving the cockpit. _Good, you’re not taking Wrex. He complicates things with the rachni queen. And you’re bringing Liara, it’s the best. Rough on her, but you can put all your doubts aside._ She went to put on her armor and get her weapons ready before meeting her team at the airlock. Noveria was just as cold as Xawin, but the docks provided some cover from the freezing elements. Shepard left the ship and turned towards the building to her right. She frowned when she saw that there was a ‘welcoming committee’ waiting for her team down off the dock platform. She squared her shoulders and held her head high as she went to meet the turian man and two human women who were armed and waiting. At least they weren’t stupid enough to point those weapons at her or her team. _Yet._

One of the women held up a hand to halt Shepard. She was shorter than the other human and had black hair twisted up into a bun. The other woman was far taller with blond hair cut to chin length. The male turian seemed to stay behind and to the side of the women, most likely there for support.

“That’s far enough,” the woman with the bun said.

“Something wrong, officer?” Shepard asked coming to a stop a few feet away.

The blond woman who seemed to have a permanent scowl said, “You better hope there isn’t.”

The brunette gave her a chastising look before turning her attention back to Shepard, “This is an unscheduled arrival, I need your credentials.”

Shepard bristled, “You first.”

“We’re the law here. Show some respect,” the blond said.

“I’m Captain Maeko Matsuo, Elanus Risk Control Services,” the much more sensible brunette with the bun said.

Shepard decided she was the one to deal with, the other woman ceased to exist in that moment for Shepard. The turian hadn’t moved or spoken yet at all, so she disregarded him for the time being as well.

“I’m a Spectre. My name is Shepard,” Shepard said simply.

“Load of horse crap, ma’am,” the blond woman said to Captain Matsuo.

Matsuo gave the woman another look before saying, “We will need to confirm that. Also, I must advise you that firearms are not permitted on Noveria. Sergeant Stirling, secure their weapons.”

The blond began to step forward. A shame, Shepard thought, I was starting to like you Captain Matsuo. Shepard pulled her pistol and pointed it at the woman, Sergeant Stirling, as she approached. Shepard could hear Garrus aiming his assault rifle, and she could feel the disturbance of Liara’s biotics behind her. Sergeant Stirling stepped back and raised her weapon; the turian on the other side of Captain Matsuo did the same. Captain Matsuo, however, remained poised. Huh, maybe I do still like you, Shepard thought.

“Citadel authority supersedes yours,” Garrus said behind Shepard.

“Nobody takes my weapon,” Shepard said in a tone that made it clear this topic was nonnegotiable.

“Charge and lock!” Stirling gave the order.

Matsuo placed her hands behind her back, “We are authorized to use lethal force. You have to the count of three to surrender your weapons. One. Two. Thr-,”

Matsuo was cut off by a voice over the comm system right as she began to speak the word ‘three’, “Captain Matsuo! Stand down.”

Matsuo looked at the ground a moment before relaxing her arms to the side. The other two officers remained with their guns drawn on her team, so Shepard only lowered her weapon but kept it drawn.

“We confirmed their identity. Spectres are authorized to carry weapons here, Captain,” the woman’s voice on the comm said.

Stirling and the turian stood up straight and lowered their weapon. Shepard nodded to her group, and they put their weapons away.

“You may proceed, Spectre. I hope the rest of your visit will be less confrontational,” Matsuo said. “Parasini-san will meet you upstairs.”

“Behave yourself,” Stirling said.

Shepard smirked at the woman’s audacity. The three officers moved apart. Stirling moving to watch out over the docks while Matsuo and the unidentified turian moved to guard the door. Shepard moved past the two guards and the drone that was flying about scanning them to enter the building. She made her way up the stairs to where she could see a security area ahead. A human woman wearing a long pink dress greeted her at the desk.

“I am Gianna Parasini, assistant to Administrator Anoleis. We apologize for the incident in the docking bay,” Parasini said.

“I appreciate your help,” Shepard nodded at the woman.

Parasini returned the nod, “You’re welcome. You understand our security chief was only doing her job. One of my duties is orientation of new arrivals. Do you have any questions?”

“Has anyone unusual passed through here recently?” Shepard asked.

“Unusual? An asari Matriarch passed through a few days ago. Lady Benezia,” Parasini said.

“Benezia? She is here?” Liara asked Parasini.

Shepard watched Liara closely. Now was the time to see how the asari would react to her mother’s presence. Shepard really hoped she wasn’t wrong for trusting her. So far, all Liara seemed to be displaying was concern.

“Can I speak with her?” Shepard asked turning back to Parasini.

“Benezia left for the Peak 15 research complex days ago,” Parasini shrugged. “To the best of my knowledge, she’s still there.”

“Could you tell me how to get there?” Shepard asked.

“You’ll need to ask Administrator Anoleis for clearance to leave this port,” Parasini said, hesitation evident in her voice.

“Where can I find the administrator?” Shepard asked.

“His office is on the main level. Left at the top of the elevator,” Parasini said with a relieved smile.

Parasini turned and walked away. Liara turned to face Shepard, the concern dripping off her voice like hot honey.

“She is here. I can’t believe it,” Liara said. “I imagine you want to talk to me, Shepard. About my mother.”

“No, I don’t. I trust you, Liara. You may not be military, but you’re part of my crew,” Shepard said to ease the woman’s fears.

“Thank you, Shepard. That means a great deal to me,” Liara said.

Shepard turned towards the stairs that would take them into the main building. She caught sight of Garrus watching her, head slightly cocked to the side. She figured he had caught her hesitation but thankfully wasn’t going to call her on it; maybe he understood her intent. Garrus gave Shepard a slight nod and she relaxed. She knew that he would keep an eye on Liara as well. As much as Shepard felt that Liara had the best intentions, going up against her mother like this… there was no way to know for sure how the asari would respond. That’s why she brought Garrus, he had sharp eyes and wouldn’t hesitate to do what needed to be done while staying cool under the pressure. Shepard hadn’t thought that Benezia would still be here, but it gave her some hope that this whole fiasco with Saren might come to an end easier than she had ever expected. _Not even remotely. Not unless you get your ass to Ilos before they do and shut down the Conduit. That isn’t going to stop the reapers, though. All we’ve ever done is slow down their arrival, but they always come through and we always die in the crucible. And we always come back. I'm so fucking tired of coming back. But it will keep happening anyway because: You. Won’t. LISTEN!_ Shepard winced as a sharp pain shot through her head back behind. _Ah, but you can feel that, can’t you?_

They took the stairs down to an elevator; the elevator taking them back up before opening up into the main building. Shepard saw a human and a salarians talking. When she got near to them, the woman told Shepard that the managers had warned them about her. Shepard gritted her teeth. If everyone on Port Hanshan had been warned away from talking to Shepard and her crew this was going to make gathering intel next to impossible.

Shepard spotted a hanar in a shop and decided to see what they had for sell. She liked to connect to as many stores as she could, hopefully the hanar would have a license he could sell her so that she could pass it along to the requisitions officer on the Normandy. The hanar greeted her with the same ‘this one’ statements that all hanar used. It turns out news of her arrival on the port had spread as swiftly as she had feared. The hanar didn’t seem to be concerned with talking to Shepard though, in fact, he boldly asked her to use her Spectre status to smuggle in a package for him from the docks. Shepard wasn’t going to agree to anything so easily, though. She asked the hanar, Opold, for details on the package contents and recipient. Opold was hesitant to tell her the specifics but he did finally say that the package was for a krogan named Inamorda, a bounty hunter with a temper. Shepard agreed to retrieve the package for Opold. She’d look to see what was in it herself and then decide whether it was something she wanted the bounty hunter to have or not. Either way, the idea of using her status to bring in something forbidden, just to stick it to that bitch Stirling brought Shepard some satisfaction.

Shepard finished up her shopping with Opold before she went to fetch his package. She was sure that he’d probably offer a discount on top of whatever it was he was offering to pay her – he wasn’t specific on that point either – but she wasn’t sure yet what she was going to do with the package. She figured it was best to finish her shopping while they were still on good terms. Back out at the docks she found the package where Opold said it would be. The container held a weapon mod she had never seen before.

“Shepard, you are not really going to give that to the hanar to sell to a krogan bounty hunter, are you?” Liara asked sounding dismayed.

Shepard grinned, “Hell no. Besides, smuggling is illegal. Looks like I just got a new toy.”

Garrus chuckled, his mandibles fluttering. The sound pulled at Shepard and she looked over at the turian, her grin widening.

“I see,” Liara said. “Well, I am sure that the Council would agree with your decision.”

Shepard didn’t give a damn if the Council agreed or not, but she kept that to herself. They made their way back Opold and Shepard told him that she would be keeping it herself. The hanar became distraught, his bioluminescence flickered erratically as he tried to convince her to change her mind; telling her how upset Inamorda would be with him. Shepard didn’t change her mind, though. She wasn’t allowing what was probably experimental weapon tech to go to a krogan bounty hunter, at least not one that wasn’t on her team.  Opold said he wanted her to leave, he sounded pouty and Shepard actually felt a little bad for the hanar. She made a note to herself to keep her eyes open for Inamorda; she’d make sure that if the krogan wanted to start a fight it would be with her and not the hanar. _Oh, don’t worry. He’ll find you._

“Keep your eyes opened for a pissed off krogan,” Shepard said to her team.

Garrus checked his ammo in response and Liara paled but nodded. She led them to where Parasini said they would find the administrator. Everyone she tried to talk to along the way brushed her off much the same as the human woman had done when they first entered. Anoleis’ door had two turian guards stationed outside but they didn’t give her any flak when she went inside. She went through an empty waiting room and found Parasini standing behind a desk. Shepard stopped to see what information she could get from the woman. Parasini filled Shepard in on the size and numbers of the research complexes built into the surrounding mountains. She listed off a few of the major stakeholders, but said that there over 250 business that rented facilities there. She said that each complex supported a staff of hundreds. That might make things more difficult, Shepard thought. That was a hell of a lot of civilians that might get in the way if things went bad. She really hated civilian casualties, but she knew that sometimes they were unavoidable and she would do what had to be done to get to Saren.

Parasini called Anoleis on the intercom to tell him that Shepard was there to see him. The brusque, rapid voice that responded was unmistakably salarian. Anoleis didn’t sound pleased by the interruption, even if it was for a Council Spectre. Parasini indicated the administrator’s office behind the partition and Shepard left her to her work.

“You’ll excuse me if I don’t stand up,” the blue-gray salarians said from behind the desk when Shepard entered. “I have no time to entertain colonial rubes.”

Shepard’s hands twitched at the insult and she crossed her arms, “You have a problem with colonials?”

 “No appreciation for economics. Protectionists and communists, all of them. This greeting is a courtesy. I will only cooperate as required by the Executive Board. Businesses come here to avoid the second guessing of galactic law,” Anoleis said.

“And I represent ‘the second guessing of galactic law.’” Shepard drawled.

“Just so we understand each other,” Anoleis said holding up his hands. “I will not allow you to harass our clients. This world is private property.”

Shepard knew she wouldn’t get what she needed from the salarian if she gave in to the urge to use her biotics to toss him around the room like a ragdoll. Damn it did she want to toss him around the room like a ragdoll, though. She decided to let that line of conversation die and got to the point of her visit.

“I heard an asari Matriarch is here. Benezia?” Shepard said.

“She arrived a few days ago, accompanied by a personal escort and some cargo. She is up at Peak 15,” Anoleis said.

Shepard tried to get more information from him on Benezia and her escort but he gave her more lip and little information. All she was able to learn was that Benezia’s cargo was sealed and passed weapons screening. Her escort consisted mainly of asari commandos. Shepard didn’t like the sound of that. Of course, she hadn’t actually expected to find Benezia unprepared to defend herself. She’d likely have geth guards, too. Although she doubted that Benezia strolled through the compound with geth readily visible for everyone to panic over. _They were in the boxes._ Maybe that was what her cargo was.

When Shepard insisted on seeing Benezia, Anoleis told her Peak 15 was a private facility and that there was a blizzard in the area which had cut off surface access to the facility. Shepard wasn’t sure she was buying that. She pressed the issue of surface access, thinking that it meant that there was another form of access that the salarian wasn’t telling her about, but he wouldn’t give. Garrus tried to soothe Shepard’s growing frustration, telling her that they could find someone else there willing to help. Shepard wasn’t ready to leave Anoleis just yet; she wanted to ask if Saren was with Benezia.

She was able to pull a few more answers from the petulant salarian before she let him go. Namely that Benezia was there acting as ‘Agent Saren’s executor’ and that Saren was a major shareholder in Binary Helix. Binary Helix specialized in genetic engineering and biotechnology. That was definitely worth noting, though she wasn’t quite sure how that played into his hunt for the Conduit. On the way out of Anoleis office, Parasini caught Shepard’s attention.

“Mr. Anoleis isn’t the only one with a pass to leave Hanshan,” Parasini said. “You’ve never worked in the corporate world, have you Commander? You can’t bludgeon through bureaucracy.”

“I can bludgeon pretty hard,” Shepard said still annoyed.

Parasini leaned in closer to whisper, “Talk to Lorik Qui’in. You should be able to find him at the hotel bar. Can’t say more. Not within earshot of Mr. Anoleis.”

Shepard nodded her head in gratitude and said goodbye to the woman before heading to the hotel bar. It took her a little while to find since every person she tried to ask for directions refused to help her. Eventually she found the elevator that led to the bar hidden behind another partition. There seemed to be a lot of those in this place. As soon as Shepard entered the bar she was flagged down by a dark blue asari in a yellow dress. Shepard cursed under her breath but stopped to see what the asari wanted.

She told Shepard that she represented the Aramali City Council on Thessia. She asked Shepard to carry a hacking device and go speak with a human representative of Binary Helix at the bar nearby to distract him while the device hacked into his files. She suspected Binary Helix of working with asari commandos to move in on the work that Aramali did with biotic amps and wanted Shepard’s help to determine if Binary Helix was infringing on Aramali’s copyrights. Shepard was getting really tired of people asking her to break the law for their own personal, trivial matters. Is this really how civilians saw Spectres? Shepard told the asari that it was her job to uphold the law, not break it. The asari tried to convince Shepard but when she realized she wasn’t budging, she hastily left.

Parasini didn’t give her a description of Lorik Qui’in.

She turned to Garrus, “Lorik Qui’in. That’s a turian name, isn’t it?”

“It is, and that gentleman sitting right over there is the only turian in the place. Well, besides for me, obviously,” Garrus said nodding his head in the direction of the turian.

Shepard nodded and made her way over to the turian’s table. He had a deep brown hue to his most of his plating and crest. The area around his nose and mouth was a lighter gray. His colony markings were white and covered a significant portion of his face. He wore black and blue business clothes – not armor just like most of the people she had seen on Noveria so far. A non-combatant.

“Afternoon,” the turian sounded exceedingly chipper, “Sit down, have a drink. What can I do for you?”

Shepard shook her head, declining the invitation to sit and have a drink.

“Are you Lorik Qui’in? I’ve heard you might be able to help me,” Shepard said.

“You are the Spectre that just arrived, are you not? What could an old turian like me possibly help you with?” Lorik Qui’in asked.

“I’m trying to find a way into the garage. I have places to go,” Shepard explained.

“You need a pass. How fortuitous,” Lorik said. “I’m the manager of the local Synthetics Insights office. For the moment, at least. Mr. Anoleis closed my office. He claims to be investigating reports of my corruption. The administrator is an interesting man. He has become quite wealthy since he took direct control of rents.”

“I sense a connection there,” Shepard said coyly.

“Indeed,” Lorik said. “I acquired evidence of Anoleis’ actions. His hired goons are ransacking my office to find it. I suspect your goal lies outside this port. Mr. Anoleis would be disinclined to let you wander. If you recover the evidence from my office, I will give you my garage pass, as well as a sum of credits.”

“You have a plan?” Shepard asked.

“I do. However, there is one other – what is that charming human expression? ‘Fly in the lotion’? Violence against Mr. Anoleis’ thugs might be necessary. He has members of Hanshan’s security team searching my offices. He is paying them under the table. Ms. Matsuo is unaware of their outside employment,” Lorik said.

“I’ll focus on trying to get your evidence. If I’m lucky, I won’t have to fight anyone,” Shepard said.

 _Ha!_ She somehow doubted she would be lucky. She rarely was.

“Excellent. Here is my pass into our offices. It will activate the elevator. The evidence is on my office computer. This OSD contains an encryption key to access it. Slide it into the drive and it will auto-execute. And do try to keep blood stains off the carpets, would you?” Lorik said handing Shepard the OSD.

“Huh, I kinda like him,” Shepard said as they headed for the elevator to Lorik’s office.

“Aww, and here I thought I was your favorite turian,” Garrus whined.

“You don’t see me giving him fancy guns and asking him to watch my back, do you?” Shepard asked.

“Hmmm, fair enough,” Garrus said.

Shepard chuckled and glanced at Liara out of the corner of her eye. She clearly had trouble socializing, but she seemed to be a bit quieter than normal. Undoubtedly, her mind was focused on finding her mother. She seemed to be holding it together so far. Shepard considered sending her back to the ship but decided against it as they stepped out of the elevator and were confronted by an ERCS guard.

“Freeze! Hanshan security. This office is sealed,” the guard said.

“What’ll you do if I don’t?” Shepard challenged.

“You’re the Spectre right? Lorik Qui’in is under investigation,” the woman said.

“I’m going in there, and I don’t want to hurt you,” Shepard said calmly. “Why don’t you just go? We’ll pretend this never happened?”

“You want to cause trouble?” the guard asked pulling her weapon.

Stupid, stupid, stupid people. Shepard sighed and pulled her pistol out, shooting the guard with one fluid motion. The others scrambled for cover as Shepard’s team did the same. It only took a couple of minutes, if even that to take out the guards; some of them were hiding upstairs. Shepard cleared the area, making sure that every guard was down before heading to Lorik’s office. She connected the OSD to Lorik’s computer while Garrus watched the door. Just as the data was finishing its transfer, Garrus spoke up.

“Ah, Commander. We have visitors. That Sergeant Stirling from the docks and some more of her men,” he said.

“Oh goody,” Shepard said as she unplugged the OSD.

She glanced at Garrus and caught the twinkle of amusement in his eyes before he turned back to look through his sniper scope at the group coming up the stairs. Shepard patted his shoulder on the way out.

“Let’s see what she has to say before you start shooting, huh?” Shepard said.

Stirling stepped forward to cut off Shepard’s exit, “I don’t think you’re supposed to be in here, Shepard.”

“Do you plan on making me leave?” Shepard asked.

“Leave? You think I’m going to let you walk out? Uh-uh. Anoleis would throw you off world for what you did here. I won’t. You know what we did to cop killers on my world?” Stirling asked.

“You’re men are dirty, Sergeant. You’re here off-duty breaking the law for bribe money,” Garrus said.

Shepard half shrugged, “I didn’t want to fight them. They fired first.”

“Well, I don’t need a gun to rip you to pieces,” Stirling said ordering her men to fire.

Shepard had her pistol already out and was firing before Stirling could take cover. She fired a couple of shots at the Sergeant before turning to shoot the snipers on the lower floor from the balcony. She turned back in time to take out another ERCS guard before he shot Liara. She ordered Liara to use a Singularity, pulling Stirling and another guard in to the swirling mass. A few more shots and they were all dead. Shepard rolled her shoulders and her neck. Garrus checked his thermal clip. Liara looked like she might be a little sick.

“Come on, let’s get this back to Lorik Qui’in,” Shepard said.

They ran into Parasini on the way off of the elevator. She said there had been reports of noise from the Synthetic Insights offices. Shepard didn’t have time for games. She asked the woman what it was she wanted. She didn’t seem to like Shepard’s unwillingness to play along with her charade as she furrowed her brow and told Shepard to meet her in the bar before she spoke to Lorik Qui’in. Parasini turned and walked away.

“Shepard, I think that there is more to that woman than she is letting on,” Liara said.

“I know. Come on, let’s go see what she wants,” Shepard said.

Shepard entered the bar and saw Parasini standing at a table watching the entrance. Parasini stepped away from the table as Shepard approached.

“Allow me to reintroduce myself. Parasini, Noveria Internal Affairs,” Parasini said.

“Why is an Internal Affairs agent here?” Shepard asked blandly.

“The Executive Board knows about Anoleis’ corruption. I’ve been undercover for six months. I want you to convince Qui’in to testify before the Board. With his evidence, this planet can run profitably again,” Parasini said.

Shepard spent some time asking Parasini questions about her job and why she couldn’t get her own proof. Garrus urged Shepard to help Parasini while Liara remained quiet. Eventually, with Parasini’s promise to supply a garage pass for Shepard, she agreed to help the Internal Affairs Agent out.

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose as she made her way to Lorik.

“Always a pleasure, Spectre. Any news on that matter I asked you to look into?” Lorik asked.

“I finished the job. But an Internal Affairs investigator contacted me. She wants you to testify against Anoleis,” Shepard said.

Lorik scowled, “Now that you have my property, you want to dictate how I use it? I have no interest in a public spectacle.”

Shepard thought she heard a low growl from Garrus. The sound surprised her, her skin prickled as goosebumps formed along her spine. She started to turn to look at him but stopped, focusing on Lorik. If the turians were going to get into a pissing contest she needed to watch the one she was the most likely to have to shoot. She knew that turian culture employed a tier system, and that one turians rank in that tier system determined how another turian would interact. She wondered who had the higher rank here. She had a feeling that Garrus wasn’t one to be swayed much by rank, and wasn’t likely to take shit from someone because of their tier.

Shepard sighed, “Everyone on this station is chaffing under Anoleis’ extortion. You might end up a hero.”

“My employers rely on the goodwill of the Executive Board to work here,” Lorik almost whined, changing tactics as his eyes flicked to Garrus.

“The Board is investigating Anoleis. They’ll be more angry at him than at you,” Garrus said, his subharmonics relating something to the other turian that Shepard couldn’t understand.

“Alright! It’s obvious that I cannot dissuade you. Very well, I will testify. Make whatever arrangements you need with your contact. I will wait here,” Lorik conceded.

Back in Parasini’s office, Shepard informed her that Lorik Qui’in had agreed to testify. Parasini gave her some backwards compliment about Shepard being alright for a Spectre. She gave Parasini Lorik’s evidence and Parasini gave her a garage pass. Shepard stuck around to watch in amusement as Parasini arrested Anoleis. The asshole salarian had the nerve to demand that Shepard intervene on his behalf. She was seriously starting to wonder if all Spectres had to put up with this much crap or if people just thought that the first human Spectre would be an easy target.

“You enjoyed that,” Garrus noted.

“So did you,” she replied without returning his gaze.

She heard him chuff in response as they left Parasini’s office. Shepard led them to where she had seen signs for the garage. A turian wearing orange and blue and lacking facial markings stood near the stairs. It occurred to her that she didn’t recall seeing any on Saren either. Her research on turians had told her that when a one didn’t have markings they were referred to as barefaced, and were generally looked down upon and distrusted by turian society.

The turian greeted Shepard and asked them about Anoleis’ arrest. He seemed like a decent guy, someone human’s would call ‘blue collar’, a working man and not into business politics. She spared a moment to talk to him about Anoleis and asked a few questions about what was going on around Noveria. She learned that he was the Chief Mechanic for Hanshan and told her she could call him Li since humans had trouble pronouncing his full name. Li wasn’t able to really tell her anything that she hadn’t already heard, but did help to confirm some of her suspicions. He said that the blizzards happen up on Peak 15 all the time and they’ve never lost satellite communication before. Shepard was pleased to see that Garrus didn’t seem bothered by talking to a barefaced turian. She thought it might have to do with his time in C-Sec. Shepard smiled and told the mechanic she had to go.

She made her way up the staircase and had to show her pass to a guard to get through. She was relieved when they didn’t question the pass; Shepard really wouldn’t have been surprised to find that Parasini’s pass wasn’t going to work and she had to jump through more hoops. No sooner than Shepard entered the garage, they were attacked by geth destroyers and stalkers.

“I’d say these are what the Matriarch had in the crates,” Garrus said as they all drew their weapons.

Liara and Shepard used their biotics to keep the geth off of their feet as much as possible in between shots. Shepard took a couple of hits but didn’t lose her shields. Captain Matsuo came running into the garage with backup.

“What the – What are these things? Fan out and secure the area! No one gets in or out!” she yelled to her men.

Shepard put her gun away and went over to the captain who was shaken and ready to blame Shepard.

“What did you do here, Commander?” Matsuo demanded.

“Me? I’m the victim here! The geth attacked us,” Shepard raised her voice in defense.

“Geth? You expect me to – Where did they come from?” Matsuo asked.

“If I were to guess, the Matriarch packed them in the shipping containers she arrived with,” Garrus spoke up sounding every bit as annoyed with the woman’s obliviousness as Shepard was.

“I don’t believe that. We did thorough scans of those. There were no power sources, no element zero masses…” Matsuo said. “If Benezia-sama’s containers were packed with these things, there are many more out there.”

“I need numbers, Captain. A dozen? A hundred?” Shepard asked glad that the woman was starting to understand that gravity of the situation.

“Dozens at least. They are machines. You could pack them tightly. I must report to the Executive Board. If word gets out about lose geth, there may be an investor panic,” Matsuo said before walking away.

“An investor panic,” Shepard said shaking her head.

They took one of the vehicles in the garage and made their way through the snow covered pass, stopping frequently to take out geth waiting in ambush along the way. Shepard was grateful for the trail of guide lights along the ridge, visibility was low and without them she likely would have gone over the edge. The geth had erected turrets in several locations which made the road all that much more hazardous. Shepard saw several abandoned vehicles and a few corpses along the way. She couldn’t be certain that the geth had killed these people, but it seemed to be the most likely conclusion. She wondered if these were men that Anoleis sent to investigate Peak 15, and if they were, how many of them had to never return before he quit sending more out to die.

The trip took far longer than it would have under normal conditions. Shepard and her team arrived at a building in the mountainside. A vehicle lay flipped over and burning just outside. They left their own vehicle not far from the door and went inside, weapons out and ready. A quick glance at her combat scanner showed that they were already about to face some big nasties. Shepard eased her way through the area; a closed garage door gave her a bit more time to get into position. The door rolled up and she darted behind a crate. A handful of krogan and several geth later they were making their way towards a staircase when an automated message played over the comm system.

“User alert. All Peak 15 facilities have suffered a great deal of damage. Biohazard materials present throughout facility. Virtual Intelligence user interface offline,” the voice said.

“We’ll need to get the reactors back online,” Garrus suggested.

The stairs led up to a walkway that took them around a corner and to a door. The next area had two automated turrets facing inwards instead of out. Shepard was just glad that they weren’t shooting at the moment.

“Why are the turrets facing the wrong way?” Liara asked

“They want to keep their people in as much as they want to keep others out,” Garrus said.

They followed the hall as it wrapped around to a security room. Shepard took the time to empty out a couple of lockers before moving forward. The next door was locked, and the power seemed to be cut. They backtracked to the elevator and took it up to a walkway. The windows that should have protected the area had been opened at some point and snow filled the hall. Her combat scanner indicated enemy activity ahead. She opened the door to find another area filled with geth and snow. An overturned table provided cover right next to the door. They were making this too easy, Shepard thought. She took out the nearest geth before putting her back to the table.

When the room was cleared, Shepard started to make her way to the stairs. Screeching and the groaning sounds of metal being torn filled the area. Her team formed a triangle with their backs to one another as they looked around trying to locate the source of the noise. Shepard could hear Liara and Garrus talking but she wasn’t paying attention to her teammates chatter. Seeing movement on the second floor, Shepard spun to face the threat. Behind the glass was what looked like an insect of nightmarish proportions. It was bigger than the wheels on the Mako. Brown, chitinous plating covered the giant bug’s body and two long, whip-like appendages waved around ending in sharp points. Her mouth got a little dry as she indicated the location to her team. _Rachni. Crazy rachni. Removed from their mother and driven crazy by her absence; little more than animals at this point. Deadly, creepy, bugs. Keep your distance. They do the most damage if they get close to you._ It opened its beak like mouth; spreading apart several sharp plates to make a high pitched screech. Shepard saw Garrus flinch out of the corner of her eye. She knew his hearing was sensitive and hoped that this thing wasn’t able to debilitate him with sound. Liara gasped and mumbled something about the Goddess. Before they could move into a better position, a swarm of dinner plate sized bugs filled the area. They rushed straight for her team and when one got close enough, it exploded sending a green toxic substance to splash out over anyone unlucky enough to be in range.

Shepard did her best to shoot the smaller ones before they could get too close but managed to miss one and got splashed. She could hear the sizzle as the ooze made its way through her armor.

“Fuck!” she said before trying to use some of the snow to wash it away.

Cautiously, she made her way up the stairs in time to see one of the larger creatures scuttling her way, and it was no longer alone. Cutting it off before it could get down the stairs; she used a biotic Lift to take it off its feet. Her team open fired on the insect, their shots taking a little more effort to get through the plating but finally it collapsed. The second one was already rushing towards them and before Shepard could give the order, Liara sent it flying into a wall using a Throw.

“What were those things?” Garrus asked.

Shepard had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her she knew they were rachni. Rachni were supposed to have been extinct, wiped out by the krogans but somehow the aliens that had terrified the galaxy enough for the Council to throw the krogans at them where alive and here on Peak 15. She kept her suspicions quiet; she didn’t want her team doubting her. _Rachni. Yes! You’re starting to listen. Good. Good. Can you hear me now? You need to go to Ilos. The Conduit is on Ilos._

“Xenobiology is not my field,” Liara said. “Maybe someone in the labs knows.”

They encountered two more rachni as the aliens dropped from the ceiling panels in an attempt to ambush her team. They went through another frozen walkway and to another elevator. Shepard was deeply concerned about the presence of rachni here. If they got off of this station, they would spread throughout the galaxy, inciting war. The elevator let them out in a hall with three exits and another swarm of the little green rachni. _Workers, we call them. But that’s not important. Ilos. Ilos is important. Ilos. Please gods, hear that._

At the far side of the room was an entryway to a power system. Attempts to activate a nearby power junction triggered an automated message telling her that a manual reboot was necessary. Shepard moved through the hall and to the power system. It was a large rounded structure that reached to the ceiling. She had to walk around the outer curve until she found the opening and stepped onto the platform. Activated, the platform lowered her down into the VI’s core. There were some missing power stacks that had been pulled from the core, and others seemed to be out of order. Shepard glanced at the mess and got to work knowing exactly what went where. She had that uneasy feeling telling her that it shouldn’t be this easy for her but she brushed it aside. With everything in its proper place, the VI systems started to reboot and she rode back up to where Liara and Garrus waited.

A holographic image of a human female appeared, identifying itself as Mira, and offered help in restoring the facility. Shepard identified herself as a Spectre, hoping that would entitle her to more information. Mira confirmed Shepard’s status and informed her of her clearance. When Shepard asked about Benezia, Mira informed Shepard that Benezia had taken the tramway to the Rift Station but the tramway system was currently down. Shepard would have to do some repairs to get the trams back up and running. She needed to restart the main reactor and reconnect the landlines. Mira had no information on why the systems were shut down, but suggested it could be due to loose contaminants in the area; the theory being that the cold would kill off or disable any organic or mechanical contaminants. That must be why the area had been opened up and snow was filling the building in various places. There had been a release of contaminants in the Hot Labs just prior to Mira being shut down but Mira refused to tell Shepard the nature of the contaminants stating that she didn’t have the clearance for that information. It seemed pretty obvious to her what the contaminants were with the rachni they had already encountered. She just wanted to hear the VI say it out-loud, confirm her fears and clear the way for her to discuss the rachni with her team without sounding insane.

She got all of the information that Mira was able to give her before leaving the VI to find the reactor and landlines. They took an elevator to the roof and had to fight through more rachni to get to the landlines. Shepard activated the automated landline repair system and waited until she was sure it was doing its job before rushing back inside the elevator. She was not a fan of the cold and even less so of snow. They were confronted by another rachni soldier inside the hall leading to the elevator that would take them to the reactor. She made a note to research what was known of the rachni when she got back to the Normandy.

The elevator opened and Shepard took two steps into the room when her combat scanner jammed. Several geth were in the next area posted behind each of the doors. They fought through to the reactor core but more geth came down from the other side before Shepard could restart the reactor. She took a few hard hits and had to use Medi-gel on herself, relying on her team to cover her while she tended to her wounds. Liara and Garrus took down the last geth and returned to Shepard’s side. She nodded to them, letting them know she was fine. Liara sighed in relief. Shepard triggered the restart on the reactor before heading for the door.

“Damn it,” Shepard cursed when her scanner jammed again, “Where the hell do they keep coming from?”

Shepard saw the juggernaut on a balcony firing down on them. She scanned the balcony until she spotted ramp that led to the balcony and ran for it. Her team was hot on her heels as she shot at two geth stalkers that jumped in their path before reaching the juggernaut. Satisfied that the area was finally clear she continued on towards the trams.

Another rachni soldier popped up out of the floor’s ventilation systems right next to her before she could enter the station. Shepard jumped, feeling on edge with all of the damn bugs jumping up from out of nowhere. They finally made it to the elevator and up to the tramway station. Mira’s voice activated over the elevator’s comm system to inform them that there were loose contaminants trapped in the decontamination area; cutting off passage to the tramway.

“Of course,” Shepard grumbled as she stepped off the elevator.

A dead salarian lay on the floor next to his final logs. He pleaded with whoever he was leaving the message for to get out while they could. It looked like he had killed himself rather than to be taken alive by the rachni. Shepard saw a terminal for Mira and accessed it, bringing up the holographic image. Mira wanted Shepard to repair the plasma purge system to clear the contaminants – which Shepard could clearly see were rachni – trapped in the decontamination chamber but she wasn’t able to make the repairs herself. She had to convince Mira to open the decontamination chamber so Shepard could kill the rachni manually.

Shepard glanced around the tramway station; it was a relatively open platform with clusters of chairs. The room was clear, so they boarded the tram and hit the button to get it started towards the Rift Station. Liara sat down in one of the seats to watch out the window as the snowy mountain tops passed by in the distance. Shepard remained standing, as did Garrus. When it became apparent that the ride was going to take a while, Shepard finally took a seat next to Liara. They rode in silence for the better part of the trip. At some point Shepard resumed standing and Garrus took that as his cue to rest. Twice he looked up to see Shepard staring at him and she quickly turned her head to stare out the window instead. The third time she didn’t bother to look away, holding his gaze instead. Garrus leaned back in his seat and draped his arms across the back. His mandibles fluttered in silent laughter and Shepard’s eyes followed them.

“Metal, but softer than you’d probably expect,” his flanging voice broke through their staring contest.

“What?” Shepard asked.

“My mandibles, well, the plating in general. You were wondering what they felt like, weren’t you? Most humans who haven’t been around turians much get curious,” Garrus said with a smile. “Go ahead, touch them. Just, ah, leave my cowl alone if you don’t mind.”

Shepard scoffed and raised an eyebrow. Liara’s giggle caught her attention, the asari turned back to look out the window. Garrus continued to watch her, waiting.

“Seriously?” she asked starting to realize he was serious.

“Sure. Most turians wouldn’t allow such casual contact, but I’m not most turians,” he said.

Shepard straightened, her curiosity getting the better of her she pulled off a glove, “Huh, OK.”

She reached out touched Garrus’ face, tentatively feeling the warm metallic plating beneath her fingertips. The surface was a bit grainy, but it had given when she gently pushed. She cocked her head, fascinated. She had expected it to be hard, like armor but it wasn’t. She moved her fingers down to the protruding mandible and Garrus snapped his razor sharp teeth at her hand making her jump and squeal in a way very unbecoming of her rank. Laughter rang out from but Garrus and Liara. He flinched when she swatted at his arm before sliding her glove back on.

“Damn it, Garrus. You tell no one of this,” she turned to look at Liara who was wiping tears from her eyes. “Either of you!”

“Yes, Commander,” the both said as their laughter died out.

The tram arrived at the Rift Station. It was quiet and orderly from the outside. Two doors led from the tramway, one was locked and although Shepard thought she could probably bypass it she opted to check the open area first. It led her to two more doors and again, Shepard followed the path of least resistance and went to the opened door and took the elevator up. The doors opened up in front of a man with a gun pointed in their direction. He had others with him, tucked back behind crates. When he saw Shepard and her crew he gave the order to stand down.

“Sorry, we couldn’t be sure what was on that tram,” the man said.

“Can those things work a train’s controls?” Shepard knew it sounded bitchy but she genuinely wanted to know, because if they were smart enough for that they might already be off the station.

“Hell if I know. I’m not assuming any-goddamn-thing,” he said. “Look, you’re human, and that’s enough that I won’t shoot. But I’d like to know who you are.”

“My name’s Shepard. I’m a Spectre,” Shepard said.

“Huh. I won’t look a heavily armed horse in the mouth. The aliens overran the hot labs last week. Only Han Olar got out, and he ain’t all there anymore. The first we knew, the bastards were clawing into my command post. We had a lot more staff then.”

“You were taken by surprise and had civilians to protect,” Shepard said to boost morale. “You did a good job, Captain.”

“Yeah? Sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. The board sent an asari to clean up the mess. She went to the hot labs yesterday. We haven’t heard from her since,” the man said.

“Benezia. Is she still over there?” Shepard asked a part of her wanting to offer reassurances to the Captain but knowing better than to make promises she couldn’t keep.

The man shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t see what one person could do.”

“A Matriarch has the skill to keep herself alive for a long time,” Liara said.

Shepard wondered if that was Liara’s objective view or wishful thinking.

“There’s an emergency elevator out by the trams. This card will let you activate it,” he said handing Shepard the keycard. “It can take you down to the hot labs. Oh, and if you need any first aid, Dr. Cohen’s downstairs in the med bay.”

The Captain wasn’t able to give her a lot of information mostly because he just didn’t have it to give. She was able to learn that all of the security systems could be controlled from one central station, and that in the event of a crisis, the hot labs was designed to heat up and sink into the ice in the mountain to prevent the spread of whatever catastrophe the labs had let loose. The Captain seemed to believe that the rachni came from inside the labs themselves. Shepard was about to leave him to guard his station when more of the giant insects attacked; jumping up out of the floor’s ventilation system. Shepard and her team made quick work of the rachni with a little help from the Captain and his men.

“Thanks for the help,” he sounded distraught. “Every few hours, a group comes up the tram tunnel. It’s actually better since we locked down the elevator.”

“I’ll do whatever I can,” Shepard said; she just hoped that was enough.

“I don’t know why they keep throwing themselves against our defenses. Even animals should learn not to stick their noses where it hurts,” the Captain said.

The door behind the captain eventually led to a room where many civilians were gathered. Most of them looked exhausted and scared. A few had sustained minor injuries and were resting quietly. An asari stood alone, calm and passive. She wore a green lab uniform, which really brought out the green undertones of her skin.

“What?” the asari snapped at Shepard when she stopped in front of her.

“You seem less upset about this situation than the others,” Shepard said.

“That is one of the virtues of the mediation you interrupted,” the asari said.

_Don’t trust her. She’s working with Benezia. She’s going to ambush you. You’re going to have to kill her._

“Do you know Matriarch Benezia?” Shepard asked not liking the asari’s attitude.

“Why ask me and not your friend?” she said looking at Liara.

“Because I do not know anything about the Matriarch,” Liara insisted.

“Then why would I?” she asked.

“You’re a member of the science teams?” Shepard asked trying to ignore the snark.

“Recently transferred, yes,” the asari said.

“What do you do here?” Shepard continued to push.

“Molecular genetics. I specialize in biotic-enhanced allele specific hybridization,” the asari said.

“Think you could translate that into galactic?” Shepard asked giving back a bit of her own attitude.

The asari sighed, “It’s a genetic thing. Forget it.”

“That’s all for now,” Shepard said with a head tilt.

She knew if she didn’t walk away she was risking punching the asari in her pretty blue nose. She stopped to talk to an elcor and made a few purchases from him before moving on to speak to the other scientists in the room. Most of them were pretty shaken up and didn’t have much to say. Shepard spotted a salarian resting on a cot and decided to try her luck with him. She didn’t have a lot of experiences with salarians, but from what she had seen their species tended to stay calmer under stressful situations than most. She felt bad for disturbing the doctor, especially since he didn’t turn out to be the fountain of information she had hoped for. She left him to rest and made her way to the med bay.

Several cots lined the walls and every one was filled with a patient, groaning with discomfort. A human doctor stood near a terminal. She hoped that whatever was wrong with his patients wasn’t contagious. The doctor was as jumpy as most of the other scientists in the labs. His non-disclosure agreement kept him from saying much but he did tell her that they had come in contact with a toxin. He was working on an antidote when the VI went offline and most of the automated equipment stopped working. Everything he needed to complete the cure was locked in the quarantined labs, but he wasn’t permitted to enter. He said he told Captain Ventralis that the toxin would have cleared by now, but he still refused to lift the quarantine. Shepard offered to try and convince Ventralis to allow her team to go in after the antidote.

It took a little sweet talking but a few minutes later Shepard was headed to the quarantine area. She found the volus, Han Olar, who was the sole survivor of the original rachni attack and stopped to talk to him. Traumatized by the event, Han didn’t seem to be holding it together very well. Shepard felt an odd sense of relief mixed with rising dread and panic when the volus confirmed that the insects they had encountered were indeed rachni.

“Rachni? That’s preposterous,” Liara insisted.

Shepard didn’t waste any time trying to debate what she already knew to be truth.

“Where did they come from?” she asked Han.

“They found it in a derelict ship. An egg. Waiting since the last battles. They brought it here-,” Han Olar said when he was cut off by a human male.

“Shut up! God. You want to get us killed?” the scientist yelled at Han.

Han shook his head at the man, the sounds of his respirator punctuating his point, “I don’t have any control over who lives of dies here. Do you?”

A turian shook his head in disgust, “If you’re going to be crazy, be the quiet kind.”

“Crazy? I’m sane. God, am I sane,” Han said.

Shepard waited for the volus to pay attention to her again before asking him how he had gotten out of the hot labs alive.

His respirator filled the moment of silence, “I killed her.”

“Who?” Liara asked.

“Doctor Zhonmua. We were going to lunch when the alarms went off. I ran into the tram. And I closed the doors. She banged on the window once. Then they sliced her to pieces. Her head came apart like a melon. I closed the door. I killed her,” Han said between deep breaths.

Shepard watched the volus carefully for a moment. He was definitely not stable, and understandably so. Still, he might be of some use. She hated seeing people as tools and she didn’t want to push Han past is breaking point – especially when he was already so close to it but right now her mission took priority over the mental health of one volus.

“Tell me what you know. I’ll make your survival mean something,” Shepard said as delicately as she could muster.

“You think I want absolution? There is none,” Han said.

“Could Matriarch Benezia survive in the hot labs?” Shepard asked.

“It’s possible. The specimens were sensitive to biotics,” Han said.

Shepard left the volus to replay the nightmare in his head. She knew he would. She knew he must. She had done the same after the slaver attacks on Mindoir. After Akuze. After all of the horrible deaths she had seen and caused in her line of work. The killing got easier, but she never really forgot the death. The guard outside of the quarantined area reminded her that Ventralis said that she had to be clear of the toxin herself before she’d be allowed back out of the lab. Shepard didn’t say anything, but she’d be coming back out of that lab one way or the other. He let her in the lab and she made her way over to the desk. She found the doctor’s notes and spent some time studying them before attempting to mix the cure. She was grateful to have Liara with her, even if this wasn’t Liara’s field of expertise the asari was able to make more sense out of the notes than Shepard was. The antidote took time to mix, apparently the components had to be added at very specific intervals but Liara believed they had it right.

She gathered the vials and the notes before turning to leave the room, only to find that the asari she had spoken to before had entered the lab with a few geth friends of her own.

“Your mission ends here, Shepard,” the bitchy asari said.

“Ambush,” Garrus muttered pointing out the obvious.

Shepard didn’t have time for this shit. She didn’t waste time trying to talk the asari down, she knew it would be pointless and she highly doubted she would give her any information.

“She’s surrounded by geth and pointing a gun at us. Shoot her!” Shepard said.

“You’re not as stupid as you look,” the asari said just before Shepard shot her in the face.

The fight lasted mere seconds; her team was damn good and efficient. Liara may not be a soldier, but she was deadly with her biotics. They left the lab to find the guard lying on the floor, blue blood trickled from the back of his head. Han waved her down when he saw her and pointed to the maintenance area saying it was where the geth came from and told Shepard that Benezia brought them with her. He didn’t seem to realize that they were actually geth and not merely mechs. She wasn’t going to tell him. He had enough on his plate.

She delivered the antidote to Dr. Cohen and told him about the asari’s attack. He seemed genuinely shocked. He told Shepard that the asari, Alestia, had only arrived at the labs a month prior after a shareholder pulled some strings to get her there. Shepard knew that shareholder had to be Saren; Garrus but voice to the same thought. Shepard asked Cohen how she could get into the maintenance area; if it was where the geth had come from then it was where she needed to be. Dr. Cohen gave Shepard his pass key and some extra Medi-gel after warning her that the guards had seemed more on edge since Shepard’s arrival.

They went back to the maintenance door that Han had pointed out to her. It opened into a tunnel cut through the mountain. At the end of the tunnel was a door, but in front of that door was a rachni soldier. They were getting good at taking out the monstrous insects. Shepard didn’t even have to stop walking as she fired her gun at the alien. Shepard made her way through several doors before she entered a room and saw an asari standing at the top of a set of stairs looking at something through an observation window. Shepard wasn’t close enough to get a good look at her but she could tell by Liara’s sharp intake of breath that this was Benezia. They approached with caution, scanning the area but saw no one else around.

“You do not know the privilege of being a mother,” Benezia said as they neared. “There is power in creation. To shape a life. Turn it towards happiness or despair.”

Shepard was close enough now that she could see the biggest rachni yet trapped in a container behind the observation window. The thing had to be at least as big as the Mako. Benezia turned to look briefly at Shepard as she spoke, her eyes barely flickering over Liara before turning back to the rachni.

“Her children were to be ours. Raised to hunt and slay Saren’s enemies,” Benezia continued before walking a few steps towards the stairs. “I won’t be moved by sympathy. No matter who you bring into this confrontation.”

“Liara’s here because she wants to be. Not because I asked her to,” Shepard said; feeling Liara shift behind her.

“Indeed? What have you told her about me, Liara?” Benezia asked.

“What could I say, Mother? That you’re insane? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say?” Liara said rising to near frantic tones.

“Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have,” Benezia said.

“I can’t believe you’d kill your own daughter,” Shepard said in disgust.

She wasn’t even trying to explain herself. She was showing absolutely no emotion at all. Liara might as well have been any other asari for as much mind as Benezia was showing her. Shepard hadn’t expected Liara’s presence to make Benezia repent and beg for forgiveness but she had expected something, anything but this.

“I now realize I should have been stricter with her,” Benezia said as if that somehow justified her actions.

Benezia lit up with blue energy and before Shepard had time to react she found herself paralyzed as she was caught in Benezia’s Stasis. Commandos rushed into the room and Benezia stepped back, partially hidden by the support beams while Shepard was helpless. The Stasis subsided and Shepard wasted no time firing on the commandos and giving orders to her team. Benezia called in more reinforcements as the first wave fell, geth and commandos this time. Shepard was able to take cover as they continued the assault. Wave after wave Benezia threw at them, using her biotics to barricade herself. Shepard tried taking shots at the matriarch but they weren’t getting through. The woman was incredibly powerful; Shepard had no choice but to keep fighting her minions until she had an opening. Eventually, Benezia’s strength began to falter and Shepard moved in on the matriarch.

“This is not over,” Benezia said. “Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear.”

“Start talking, Benezia. What’s Saren’s next move?” Shepard demanded.

Benezia had regained enough strength to stand again, but she kept her back to Shepard. Shepard wasn’t concerned. She knew how much that show of biotic power had to have taken from the woman and she was not in a position to put up much more fight.

Benezia looked over her shoulder briefly at Shepard, “I will not betray him. You will – You…”

Benezia’s speech began to falter and she put her hands down on the console in front of her. She shook her head as she spoke, as if trying to clear her mind of some disturbing thought. She suddenly turned to face Shepard, her eyes bright and urgency written on her face.

“You must listen. Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions. Briefly. But the indoctrination is strong,” Benezia said stepping towards Shepard.

“Are you saying he brainwashed you?” Shepard asked with a raised eyebrow. _Indoctrinated. It isn’t Saren doing it though, but Sovereign. The reapers have a way of compelling people to their side, making them behave in ways that they never would have before. A way of making them believe that the destruction the reapers will bring is what is best. They’re crazed, and will fight to the death to help bring back the reapers. I think maybe… I think sometimes that maybe… I don’t know. We spend a lot of time near reapers fighting them. What if we only think we’re fighting against them?_

“People are not themselves around Saren. You come to idolize him. Worship him. You would do anything for him,” Benezia took a few more steps. “The key is Sovereign, his flagship. It is a dreadnought of incredible size and its power is extraordinary.”

“Sovereign’s not like other ships. Where did it come from?” asked Shepard.

_He was created by the Intelligence, the AI created by the Leviathans to bring order to the chaos. It turned on its creators, harvesting them and turning them into the reapers. The reapers are nothing but the Intelligence’s tools. It is psychotic, it thinks that all of this death and destruction, the horrors it creates somehow is order but it’s the most chaotic thing to have ever existed._

“I cannot say. The geth did not build it. Its technology is far more advanced than that of any known species. The longer you stay aboard, the more Saren’s will seems correct. You sit at his feet and smile as his words pour into you,” Benezia explained. “It is subtle at first. I thought I was strong enough to resist. Instead, I became a willing tool, eager to serve. He sent me here to find the location of the Mu Relay. Its position was lost thousands of years ago.”

 Shepard shook her head, “Someone on Noveria found it?”

“Two thousand years ago, the rachni inhabited that region of our galaxy. They discovered the relay. The rachni can share memories across generations. Queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers. I took the location of the relay from the queen’s mind. I was not gentle,” Benezia said hanging her head.

 “Why does Saren need the Mu Relay?” Shepard asked.

“He believes it will lead him to the Conduit. I would tell you more if I could, but Saren did not share his counsel with me. I was merely a servant to his cause,” said Benezia.

“You can still make it right. Give me the information,” Shepard said gesturing to the rachni queen in her tank.

“I was not myself, but – I should have been stronger,” Benezia closed the distance to Shepard and held out her hand. “I transcribed the data to an OSD. Take it. Please.”

Liara finally spoke up, “Knowing the relay’s coordinates is not enough. Do you know where he planned to go from there?”

“Saren wouldn’t tell me his destination. But you must find it quickly. I transmitted the coordinates to him before you arrived. You have to stop – me. I can’t – his teeth are at my ear. Fingers on my spine. You should – Uh, you should-,” Benezia shook her head again and turned her back, walking away from Shepard.

Liara took a panicked step towards her mother, “Mother, I – Don’t leave! Fight him!”

Benezia glanced over her shoulder at her daughter, “You’ve always made me proud, Liara.”

Benezia turned back around to face Shepard and her team, her eyes empty once more, “Die!”

Benezia charged her biotics, pulling the blue energy up around her. Liara didn’t hesitate to shoot her mother, Garrus and Shepard at her side firing too even as more commandos ran into the room. Benezia fell to her knees, severely wounded and all of the fight gone from her. Shepard moved to cover shooting at the asari across the walkway. Biotics were being thrown all over the place. Shepard fell to the ground; her body twisting when a commando’s Warp hit her. As soon as she could she was back on her feet and behind cover using a Lift to take the commando off her feet while Garrus finished her off in the air. Shepard checked to make sure the room was clear before running back to Benezia. She hoped there was time to save the matriarch, for Liara’s sake. Better to have a mother in prison than dead by your own hand.

“I cannot go on. You will have to stop him, Shepard,” Benezia said pulling herself up from the floor.

“Hold on. We’ve got Medi-gel, maybe we can-,” Shepard started to say.

“No,” the matriarch said forcefully. “He is still in my mind. I am not entirely myself. I never will be again.

Benezia started to stumble back; her hand went to her forehead.

“Mother…,” Liara said the desperation in her voice breaking Shepard’s heart.

“Good night, Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn,” Benezia said as her back hit the observation window and she slumped to the floor. “No light? They always said there would be – Ah…”

Benezia breathed her final; her head hung loose on her neck. Shepard reached out hand and gently squeezed Liara’s shoulder. Shepard left Liara to say her goodbyes. She stood in front of the observation window with an arm resting against the glass as she looked at the rachni inside. Garrus moved to stand watch over the area. Suddenly the rachni lunged towards the glass, opening its mouth wide. Shepard stumbled back bumping into something; she spun on her heel and came face to face with one of the commandos. Shepard’s gun came up at the asari but she quickly realized the woman wasn’t attacking. Confused, Shepard took a step back watching as the asari staggered towards the rachni’s tank. Her feet didn’t seem to work right and her eyes were closed. She looked like a puppet being pulled by its strings. The asari got next to the tank and then turned to face Shepard. Her eyes opened but did not focus; instead they rolled upwards in her skull while her mouth hung slack. The asari started to speak; a second fainter, whispered tone seemed to echo her words.

“This one serves as our voice. We cannot sing in these low spaces. Your musics are colorless,” the asari twitched as she spoke.

“Musics? What?” Shepard asked glad to see that Garrus and Liara were at her side again.

“Your way of communicating is strange. Flat. It does not color the air. When we speak, one moves all. We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced. We are rachni,” the asari said.

Shepard took a few steps forward to stand in front of the observation glass next to the dead asari. She peered in at the rachni, listening to the voice of a ghost speak through a corpse. Shepard addressed the rest of her questions directly to the rachni queen.

“How are you speaking through her?” Shepard asked wondering if the commando was in pain.

“Our kind sing through touchings of thought. We pluck the strings, and the other understands. She is weak to urging. She has colors we have no names for. But she is ending. Her music is bittersweet. It is beautiful. The children we birthed were stolen from us before they could learn to sing. They are lost to silence. End their suffering. They cannot be saved. They will only cause harm as they are,” the rachni queen said.

Shepard turned her back to the tank and crossed her arms to watch the asari. If she understood the queen correctly, the asari was still technically alive and in the process of dying. The asari’s head turned to Shepard, her eyes moving to track Shepard. She wasn’t sure if that was the rachni’s doing or if the asari still had some small level of control over her own body. She must be terrified, Shepard thought.

“I don’t understand. Why are your children killing people?” Shepard asked.

“These needle-men. They stole our eggs from us. They sought to turn our children into beasts of war. Claws with no songs of their own. Our elders are comfortable with silence. Children know only fear if no one sings to them. Fear has shattered their minds,” the rachni said.

“I understand,” Liara said. “A child left alone in a closet until she is sixteen would not be sane.”

“If you’re sure they can’t be saved,” Shepard said.

“It is lamentable. But necessary. Do what you must,” the queen said. “Before you deal with our children, we stand before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?”

“The rachni were a threat to the galaxy,” Garrus said. “Those tanks are filled with acid. If she gets out of hand, they dissolve her.”

Liara didn’t seem to like Garrus’ take on things, “They made a mistake. They let the krogan go too far. This is a chance for us to atone. She has done nothing to us.”

“Your companions hear the truth. You have the power to free us, or return our people to the silence of memory,” the rachni queen said.

“If I let you live, would you attack other races again?” Shepard asked knowing there was no way for her to tell if the rachni was lying.

“No. We – I do not know what happened in the war. We only heard discordance, songs the color of oily shadows. We would seek a hidden place to teach our children harmony. If they understand, perhaps we would return,” the asari’s trembling worsened.

“Are you a survivor from the war? A clone?” Shepard asked.

“We do not know. We were only an egg, hearing Mother cry in our dreams. A tone from spaces hushed one voice after another. It forced the singers to resonate with its own sour yellow note. Then we awoke, in this place. The last echo of those who came out from the Singing Planet. The sky is silent,” the rachni queen said.

_The reapers. They indoctrinated the rachni, made them fight, made them turn against the rest of the galaxy. Maybe, I don’t know. Dr. Bryson thought it might have been the Leviathan’s controlling them. It doesn’t matter. Let her live, she will ally herself with us to fight the reapers. If you kill her, they will create a new queen, as insane as they are and will use her to spawn more rachni for them to corrupt and mutate. If you let this one live, they will capture her, and they will torture her and her children but you will find her again. We can save her again and she will help to turn the tides of war. Killing her gains nothing. Listen to me. DO NOT KILL HER!_

Shepard winced before crossing her arms, “I won’t destroy your entire race. You’ll go free.”

Shepard knew that the Council would condemn her actions but she couldn’t bring herself to see things their way. This was quite likely the last living member of a sentient species thought long dead, well aside from her children but as the queen said, they were a lost cause and would have to be put down. She knew that the rachni were a very dangerous species, but if she understood what the queen was saying something had happened to the rachni all those years ago that made them all go… rabid. Maybe it was actually some sort of disease that had passed along the population, but whatever it was the likelihood that it would be a problem again seemed slim to none. This queen, Shepard didn’t think she intended to cause problems. She didn’t sound like she was filled with hate, hell bent on revenge. Maybe it was stupid of her to think this way, how could she really know but she just felt it deep in her bones. Saving the rachni queen was the right choice to make.

“You will give us the chance to compose anew? We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children,” the queen said.

Shepard stepped closer to the window watching the rachni queen. Looking into her eyes was so unlike any other species she had encountered. Nothing familiar resided there. Nothing for Shepard to latch on to and call sincerity. No emotion at all for her to comprehend in those eyes. She desperately hoped that she wouldn’t regret this but she couldn’t commit this act of genocide. Shepard released the hatch that held the queen’s container. The container moved up and away from Shepard. The commando dropped to the ground as the queen released her hold on the asari. The rachni turned to watch Shepard; making a soft screech and chittering noises at her before she turned and fled the container.

Liara slipped a hand onto Shepard’s shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze as Shepard had done for her earlier. Shepard turned to look at the other woman. Liara offered Shepard a weak smile, tears still stained her face.

“It was the right thing, Shepard,” Liara said.

Shepard didn’t turn to look at Garrus, she was afraid she might see disappointment or something worse in his eyes. The thought made her stomach clench. She glanced at Benezia, she hurt for Liara but she knew they couldn’t take Benezia with them. This place was too dangerous for them to be slowed down or to have anyone unable to fight because they were carrying a body.

“I’m sorry, Liara,” Shepard began.

Liara shook her head, “It is alright, Shepard. That is not my mother any longer.”

An alarm began to sound. Shepard saw that the way they entered was now locked behind them. She took them through a door on the opposite wall. The door led to stairs which led to another door; more stairs, more doors. They finally passed through a door and found themselves back out on the tramway platform. They weren’t finished here though, so she took the door to her right and made her way back down the elevator for the hot labs. She was going to have to evacuate everyone she could and sink this building into the mountain. The area was empty except for one lone injured man, sitting on a chair in the middle of the room.

“Are you here to secure the situation?” The man asked.

Garrus and Liara spread out to watch the doors while Shepard talked to the man. He told her everything he knew about the rachni and how they had gotten into this mess.

“Once the purge is armed we’ll have to fight our way out. Give us a minute to patch up and rearm,” Shepard said.

“Sure, sure. I wait here. I am not so much good for searching now, yes? Ha. Mother always say I would meet a bad end,” the man said.

Shepard changed out her thermal clips and told Garrus and Liara to do the same. She took a moment to check her wounds and apply more Medi-gel to the weeping areas. When Shepard was ready she spoke to the man with the Russian accent again.

“I am feeling not so well,” he said.

“How do we set off the purge?” Shepard asked.

“Arming controls are nearby. All you do is insert the key. Then I will give Mira destruct co- UH!” the man screamed as a spiked tentacle ripped through his back and out of his chest.

Shepard had her gun up as she turned to see a rachni finish crawling out of the vent, hissing at Shepard. It flung the man’s body across the room. She open fired on the rachni, as shots rang out from Garrus and Liara’s locations. The rachni fell to the ground and Shepard rushed over to the man. She knew there was nothing to be done for him, he was dead within seconds but she needed to see if he had that authorization code on him somewhere. She turned his corpse over and began rifling through his pockets. She heard Liara gasp behind her but didn’t waste time trying to explain her actions.

With a little luck, Shepard found the code on a small datapad in the man’s pocket. She found a Mira console in the control room and activated the VI. Shepard read off the code to the VI. Mira activated the neutron purge process and automatically synced Shepard’s omni-tool with the countdown timer; 120 seconds. That’s all they had to get the hell off that station. Of course, every damn rachni on the station was now swarming in on her location. She wasn’t going to be able to fight them all, she had no choice but to shoot and run; duck and weave to get through the crowd of aliens. Shepard was half dead by the time they made it to the elevator. She had taken point so her team wouldn’t take the brunt of the damage. She felt Garrus’ hand slip under her arm, holding her up as they ran. As soon as she could she closed the elevator door and waited for the Medi-gel release to recharge. The elevator opened and they ran for the tram.

 


	12. Chapter 11: This Is Not Happening

**Chapter 11: This Is Not Happening**

They were all back on the Normandy once more. Shepard had showered, happy to wash the gore away from her skin and hair. Dr. Chakwas had tended to the last of her wounds before she called a meeting in the debriefing room. Shepard paced the floors as she waited for everyone to arrive. Her head was throbbing and she was dreading talking to the Council. As everyone was sitting down, Ashley spoke up.

“What’s our next move, Commander? Head for the Mu Relay?” Ashely asked.

“The Mu Relay could link to dozens of systems. Unless we know exactly where Saren’s going, we’d just be wasting our time,” Shepard said.

“The Commander is right. We cannot rush off blind. We still need to learn more about Saren,” Liara said.

“Who put you in charge?” Ashley jibbed. “Did the commander resign when I wasn’t looking?”

Oh for fucksake, Shepard thought.

She shook her head, “We’re all on the same team here, Williams. She’s just trying to help.”

“Sorry, Commander,” Ashley said.

“Look. This is a tough mission. We’re all on edge. Everyone go get some rest. Crew… dismissed,” Shepard said.

Joker’s voice came in over the comm, “Noveria report is away, Commander. You want me to patch you through to the Council?”

“Patch them through, Joker,” Shepard said.

“Setting up the link now, Commander,” said Joker.

Tevos wasted no time with pleasantries, “Is this report accurate, Commander? You found rachni on Noveria?”

“And then released the queen!” Sparatus growled. “Do you have any idea what you have done? How many generations until they overrun the galaxy?”

The tension in Shepard’s head increased. She rubbed at her eyes with thumb and forefinger trying to ease the pressure and giving herself a moment to process an appropriate reply to the councilor’s angry remarks.

“This queen is different. She understands why her kind had to be wiped out last time around,” Shepard tried to explain.

“I hope you’re right, Shepard. Our children’s children will pay the price if you’re not,” Sparatus said.

“We’ll be waiting for your next report, Commander,” Tevos said ending the call.

Shepard took her time going to the CIC. They were headed to the Citadel next, so she knew she had plenty of time to nurse her headache and check in with Liara. The asari seemed to be holding it together, but this had to be rough on her. She stepped up on the platform that would give her access to the galaxy map. The map sprung to life in front of her, responding to her presence in the way it would only for the current ship’s captain. She ran her hands just over the map, tugging and swiping the hologram until she was zeroed in on the Widow system; home to the Citadel.

“Good timing, Commander. We’ve got a transmission coming in from the Citadel. Top priority clearance,” Joker’s voice came in over the comm.

“Is it the ambassador?” Shepard asked.

“Not his signature. I think it’s from the Council. I’ll patch it through to the comm room,” Joker said.

Shepard groaned as she stepped away from the map and made her way back to the debriefing room. She opened the comm channel and holographic images of the Council popped up. Shepard didn’t bother to offer any words of greeting or question why they were calling her again so soon.

“Commander Shepard. We’ve received information that may be critical to your mission against Saren,” Tevos, unsurprisingly, was the first to speak.

“I’ll take all the help I can get,” Shepard said.

This time it was Valern who spoke, “We’ve received an urgent message from one of our infiltration regiments in the Traverse.”

“You mean spies,” Shepard said plainly.

“Spectres tend to attract attention, Commander. But they are only one arm of the Council. Special Task Groups are often a better option for monitoring developing situations,” said Tevos.

“We currently have several infiltration units scattered throughout the border regions of Citadel space. This particular unit was gathering intel on Saren,” Valern said.

“What did they find?” asked Shepard.

“Unfortunately, the message we received was little more than static. The infiltration team must be in a situation where they can’t set up a proper interstellar communications. But the message was sent on a channel reserved for mission-critical communications. Whatever they were trying to tell us, we know it was important,” said Valern. “Considering your interest in Saren, we thought you might want to investigate this. Find out what happened to our team. The signal originated from the planet Virmire.”

“I’ll look into it,” Shepard said.

“The Council prefers not to become involved in the specifics of Spectre activities. We only want you to be aware of all of your options, including Virmire,” Tevos said as Shepard bit back a scoff.  “Good luck, Commander Shepard. We will keep you advised if we learn anything else.”

The call ended leaving Shepard starring at the empty space the Council occupied. _It’s where you’ll have to choose. Who to let die. Williams or Alenko. Where if you’re not careful, Williams will kill Wrex, too. Saren will be there, but he always runs away before he can lose the fight. We never get to end him there and stop the madness._ Shepard made her way back to the map. She was still going to take them to the Citadel first. They needed to refuel and restock. Shepard had some people to talk to on the Citadel as well. Things were starting to move fast and she had a sinking feeling in her gut that they were going to get ugly on Virmire. She still needed to go to Feros, too. Virmire sounded more urgent, but there were civilians on Feros who were facing the geth alone. Her stomach churned as she tried to decide between the two unknowns. Either choice could lead to the loss of vital time and information if she were wrong. _You’ll have to go to both places before Liara tells you that you need to go to Ilos. It doesn’t even matter what order you do it in, the same things always happen. Hell, you can spend weeks traipsing across the galaxy before going to either one of them and it won’t change anything. This means that you need to make something change. I need to get through to you, to make you see that something needs to change before we die on that Citadel again and it all starts over._

 Pinching the bridge of her nose, Shepard used the map to lock in the coordinates for the Citadel before making her way to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas glanced up from her desk when Shepard walked in the door and then did a double take as she caught Shepard’s furrowed brow and slow movements. She stood and was at Shepard’s side faster than what Shepard would have expected from the aging woman.

“Commander, what is it, what’s wrong?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

“Just a headache, doc. I’ll be fine. Though I wouldn’t say no to an aspirin,” Shepard said.

“Aspirin?” Dr. Chakwas scoffed indelicately, “Shepard we don’t use acetylsalicylic acid anymore, you know that. Haven’t for years. I doubt you’ve ever even seen a real aspirin. I’ll never understand why people keep referring to simple analgesics as aspirin.”

Dr. Chakwas continued to ramble on about the inefficiencies of aspirin and the risks that were found to be associated with the drug even as far back as the 20th Century. Shepard squeezed her eyes closed and drowned out Dr. Chakwas lecture as the other woman opened her omni-tool and began scanning Shepard. She ran through her mental list of all of the places she needed to go, including the less pressing missions that kept filling her inbox every day. Geth sightings, missing squads, unusual mercenary movements… it never seemed to really end.

“Commander Shepard?” Dr. Chakwas demanding tone cut through Shepard’s thoughts.

Shepard opened her eyes to see the doctor holding out a small foil package with her eyebrows raised. She studied Shepard with her shrewd eyes before speaking again.

“Put this patch directly on your skin just behind your ear. I asked if you have been getting these headaches frequently,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard took the foil back and tore the end off. She fished out the small plastic patch and peeled the backing off before responding.

“Define frequently,” Shepard said pressing the clear square to her skin.

Dr. Chakwas frowned, “Don’t give me that, Commander. I swear soldiers are the most stubborn creatures in existence. Especially when it comes to dealing with their own health.”

Shepard sighed as the patch began to release medication into her bloodstream and the pain in her head slowly subsided, “I have been experiencing more frequent headaches, yes. This is the first to get this bad. Headaches are a part of the job, doctor. Even more so when it seems like the fate of the world is resting on your shoulders and everyone in a position to do something about it wants to pretend that nothing is wrong.”

“Yes, that is understandable, Commander. However, these headaches could be related to your experience with the beacon as well. I need you to keep a log for me, every time you experience a headache. I know, I know, more paperwork but this is important, Commander. We still don’t know exactly what it is that the beacon did to you, or what physiological or psychological effects it might have had on you. Have you been experiencing any other odd side effects?”

Shepard remained quiet until the doctor scolded her again, “Commander?”

Shepard winced, “Just, uh, visions. Flashes of the same things I saw when it happened.”

Dr. Chakwas watched Shepard with her arms crossed for a long moment before she finally pursed her lips and spoke slowly, “Is that all, Commander?”

Shepard forced a smile and a chuckle, patting the other woman on her shoulder, “I’m fine, doc! I’ve got to go to talk to Liara. I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but she just watched her mother die from wounds we caused.”

“Oh, dear. No, I hadn’t heard yet… but you’re deflecting, Commander. We’ll talk about this again later, Commander!” Dr. Chakwas called to Shepard’s retreating back.

Shepard opened the door to the small office where Liara had taken up residence and slipped inside before Dr. Chakwas decided to chase her down. Liara had her back to the door, sitting at her small desk. Her hands hovered over her keyboard but she didn’t seem to be really doing anything. She was just sitting there staring at the holoscreen. Shepard took another step in and gently cleared her throat. Liara jumped and turned to look over her shoulder. Shepard offered Liara a weak smile. Liara returned the smile as she stood up to face Shepard.

“If you are here to talk about Benezia’s death, you need not bother. She brought it upon herself,” Liara said.

“Don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you. She was your mother,” Shepard shook her head lightly.

“She was… but she was not. I prefer to remember Benezia as she used to be, before she was corrupted by Sovereign’s power,” Liara’s voice softened.

“The best of your mother lives on in you: her determination, her intelligence, her strength,” said Shepard.

Liara sighed, “That is kind of you to say. I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. Benezia chose her path, just as I have chosen mine. I am with you until the end, Shepard.”

Shepard chose not to push the subject. She knew that every culture had their own ways of dealing with death and loss. She had extended the offer to talk to Liara, but if the other woman wasn’t ready for that Shepard wasn’t going to try and make her.

“OK, Liara. But you know if you decide you need to talk you know where I’m at. I’ve got us headed to the Citadel now. I thought that if you felt up to it you would like to go with me to deliver the artifacts to the Council. Maybe you can teach them a thing or two?” Shepard said.

“Of course, I will make sure that I have a full report on my findings so far ready for them,” Liara said.

“Great. I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing…” Shepard trailed off as she glanced back at the door but didn’t move towards it.

“Is… there something wrong, Commander?” Liara asked hesitantly.

Shepard blushed and shook her head, “No, I’m just wondering if I’ll be able to make it out the med bay before Dr. Chakwas pounces on me again and starts asking to run more scans or take blood samples.”

Liara smiled, “Well, perhaps if I escort you out of the med bay…”

“Yes, that’s an excellent idea. You don’t mind?” Shepard asked hopeful.

“Not at all, Commander. You saved me on Therum, the least I can do is rescue you from the possibility of syringes,” Liara chuckled at Shepard’s unease over facing the doctor on her own.

The door slid open for Shepard and Liara to reveal Dr. Chakwas standing nearby waiting. When she saw Liara with Shepard she frowned at Shepard but her face softened. Shepard couldn’t hide the grin brought on by her small victory. Dr. Chakwas watched as Liara walked Shepard to the med bay door and Shepard made her escape. As the door was sliding closed behind Shepard, she heard Dr. Chakwas soft voice.

“Liara, how are you dear?” Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard made her way to her cabin after grabbing some dry rations from the mess hall. She sat down at her desk and chewed absently at the near flavorless block of alleged beef stew. She was sure that if she had bothered to add water to the packet to rehydrate the food and induce the thermal reaction the packaging was designed to produce in order to heat the contents it would have been a more pleasant meal. That would have meant spending more time in the mess hall in plain view of the med bay windows, though. Besides, it wasn’t the first time she’d had to eat rations dry and it probably wouldn’t be the last.

The next morning, Shepard slipped out of her cabin before the rest of the crew, including Dr. Chakwas had left the sleeping pods. She checked to see how much time they had until they reached the Citadel before retreating to the cargo bay. Wrex was sitting with his back against the wall and his shoulder wedged against the weapons lockers. Shepard paused, surprised to see him down here and wondering what he was doing. He shifted around and opened his eyes as she got nearer to him. Had he been sleeping like that? Wrex stood and stretched his arms out to the sides.

“Morning, Shepard,” he said to her.

“Wrex? Why are you sleeping down here? That can’t be comfortable.” Shepard asked.

“I’m too big for your little sleeping pods, Shepard. They weren’t made for krogan,” Wrex said.

“Oh,” Shepard managed. “I hadn’t thought of that. I’m sorry, Wrex. I’m sure we can find a cot or something to bring down here for you.”

“Why?” Wrex said as he twisted his head making his neck pop loudly.

“Uh, so you’re not sleeping sitting up on a cold metal floor?” Shepard said thinking it should be obvious.

Wrex huffed, “I’m a krogan, Shepard. I’m not all soft like you humans. I don’t need a cot, or a sleeping pod.”

“If you say so, Wrex. Just, uh, let me know if you change your mind I guess,” Shepard shrugged before moving over to the weapons lockers.

She worked quietly at the lockers for a few minutes before Wrex ambled over to give her a hand. It was a little like pulling teeth but after a while she got the krogan to open up and tell her a little more about himself. Wrex spoke of his father’s betrayal; how his father had set an ambush for him under the guise of peaceful talks and tried to kill Wrex on sacred ground. Wrex had been the leader of a smaller tribe and he disagreed with the ideals that his father – and leader of a larger tribe, Jarrod had been giving to the krogan population at large. Jarrod was only interested in having the krogan fight anybody and everybody that they could while Wrex thought it was more prudent to focus on trying to reestablish the krogan population. Wrex killed his father that day, and left home for good.  He had no plans of every returning; he had given up on trying to help is people when they seemed hell bent on destroying themselves.

It wasn’t much longer before the elevator started letting off crew on their way to their stations. Engineer Adams stepped off the elevator with Tali at his side. The two of them seemed to already be deep in conversation. As Tali used her hands to make wide gestures, Adams laughter drifted over to where Shepard was closing up the final locker. Not long after they disappeared from view, the elevator brought down Garrus, Davis, and Ashley. Garrus’ eyes seemed to lock onto her instantly, but Ashley was halfway to her station before she spotted Shepard.

“Oh, hey Commander. I think Dr. Chakwas was looking for you,” Ashley said.

“Yeah, too bad no one knows where I’m at,” Shepard said with a smile.

“Yes ma’am,” Ashley said grinning back. “Let me guess, she still wants to run tests and ask a million questions about the beacon and you’re not interested?”

“You got it, Chief,” Shepard said.

“So, I guess you’ll be spending the day hiding down here with us grunts?” Ashley asked.

“That a problem, Williams?” Shepard raised an eyebrow.

“Not at all ma’am, just means I have to make sure I stay looking busy,” Ashley said with a smirk.

Shepard chuckled, “We’ll talk more about that later, Chief.”

“Yes ma’am,” Ashley said.

Shepard could feel Garrus’ eyes following her movements from across the room. She finally turned to look his way and noted the rigid way he stood at his console. Something was bothering him; there was something he wanted to say. Well, if he wasn’t going to come to her and spill it, she’d go pry it out of him. If there was a problem that was affecting his ability to focus, she needed to deal with it now. She finished up with Davis and walked over to Garrus.

“Commander, I… what can I do for you?” Garrus asked.

“Something bothering you?” Shepard asked.

“It’s Saren. I’m starting to wonder whether we’ll ever find him. He’s always one step ahead of us. And he’s got those damn geth,” Garrus said.

“We’re getting close, Garrus. We’ll find him,” Shepard promised.

“I wish I had your confidence,” said Garrus. “I just can’t stand the thought of him getting away with everything he’s done. I know you’re doing everything you can. And if anyone can catch him, it’s you, but… If there’s anything else that I can do to help. Anything. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

“Thank you, Garrus. I’ll keep that in mind. Just make sure you’re ready to go when we do catch him,” Shepard said.

“Yes ma’am. You can count on me,” said Garrus. “Thanks for hearing me out. I appreciate it. Can I ask you something, Commander?”

“What is it?” Shepard asked.

“Are you worried that the Council might be protecting Saren?” Garrus asked with some hesitation. “I mean, they were really dragging their heels before. What if we find him, bring him back to the Citadel, and they refuse to act?”

“You seem to have some thoughts on this. Speak your mind, Garrus,” Shepard said.

“Well, maybe we shouldn’t give them the chance, Commander,” Garrus said. “In my opinion, Saren’s too dangerous to be kept alive. Too much could happen. He could escape, or the Council might let him go... If we find him – when we find him. I say we make sure we stop him. Permanently.”

“I’m glad you see it that way,” Shepard said. “I never had any intention of capturing that bastard. When I see him, he dies.”

“Good. The Council won’t like it, but they can’t stop you, either,” Garrus said. “You see, this is why I want to be a Spectre. You never have to worry about bureaucratic idiots making a mess of everything.”

“Just make sure you’re ready when it happens,” Shepard said.

“Yes, ma’am,” Garrus said.

Garrus seemed more relaxed so Shepard leaned back against the Mako and crossed her arms. One of the plates above his eye shifted, giving Shepard the impression of a raised eyebrow.

“Avoiding the doctor, humor me,” Shepard said.

Shepard watched, completely fixated by the movements of Garrus’ mandibles as he chuckled and leaned against the Mako himself.

“Aren’t you supposed to set a better example than that, Commander?” Garrus asked.

“Pffftt. I’m supposed to shoot things and make sure you guys don’t die in the process. No one ever said anything about willfully subjecting myself to tests to satisfy Dr. Chakwas medical curiosity,” Shepard said.

“Hmm. Scared of needles, Commander?” Garrus teased.

“No,” she said simply.

“Are you lying to me, Shepard?” Garrus asked as the pattern on his visor narrowed.

“Maybe,” Shepard grinned.

Garrus growled softly at Shepard. The hairs on her neck stood on end and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

“Huh uh, don’t you try that on me, Vakarian. You’re not as scary as you think you are. I can tell you’re really just a cute, cuddly kitten,” Shepard said.

Garrus laughed before affecting an offended tone, “I am not a kitten. What’s a kitten?”

“Baby cat,” Shepard said.

Garrus shifted his brow plate again so Shepard pulled up some images and vids on Garrus’ laptop of first kittens and then adult cats. Garrus stood behind her looking down over her shoulder. Garrus scoffed but Shepard glanced up in time to see him touch his mouth and she couldn’t help but to wonder if he saw the same similarity that she had between felines and turians. She didn’t dare ask.

“They’re all… furry. Turians are _not_ furry,” Garrus commented.

Shepard laughed, “Want to see their more impressive cousins?”

“Sure,” Garrus’ skepticism wasn’t lost on Shepard.

She pulled up images of lions, tigers, panthers, bobcats and every other large cat she could think of off the top of her head. She looked for pictures that depicted the animals next to a person or a vehicle, something that would give and adequate size perspective. She clicked through the images showing him close-up images of a jaguar’s teeth and claws. She found an audio recording of a tiger growling, chuffing, and roaring. Garrus grew quiet and very still behind her as the sounds echoed through the cargo bay. She looked back up at him over her shoulder again to see that he had his head tilted to the side and his eyes focused intently on the laptop. She quickly muted the recording, afraid that the sound was too much for him but as soon as the recording stopped she could hear his own low, deep responding growl. He seemed to suddenly realize what he was doing and the growling stopped as he shifted again.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Shepard watched him in awe not even try to hide her fascination in what she believed to be Garrus’ reflexive response as a predator to hearing the sounds of another big predator. He met her gaze for a moment and then shifted his weight again looking away from her.

“That was actually really cool,” Shepard said with a grin.

Garrus chuffed which only made her grin grow. The moment was broken by Wrex’s sudden presence a few feet away.

“What was that?” Wrex asked looking excited.

Shepard chuckled, “Tiger.”

Wrex moved closer to Shepard as she continued to show the two of them different videos. Wrex seemed especially impressed by one she found of a lion taking down a gazelle. Twenty minutes later the novelty had worn off for Wrex and he returned to the little area of the cargo bay he had made his own.

Garrus and Shepard started talking about his time in C-Sec and soon he was telling her about a salarian, Dr. Saleon, he had been investigating for a while on the Citadel. The doctor had been using his employees to clone black market organs, growing them right inside of people. When the organs failed to develop properly, the son-of-a-bitch left them inside. A lot of people died because of this cloning and Garrus wanted nothing more than to take that doctor down. Unfortunately, the doctor got away when he escaped with hostages and the C-Sec higher-ups refused to let Garrus shoot the ship down. Shepard asked Garrus if he had any leads on the doctor and was happy to hear that Garrus hadn’t given up the hunt. He had a lead; he just needed someone to take him to check it out. His contacts reported that Dr. Saleon was operating under the name Dr. Heart now. Garrus forwarded the details about the ship and its location to Shepard’s omni-tool. She told him that they would go check it out when they had a chance.

Shepard stood with her arms crossed as she twisted her body gently from side to side, “I should go…”

Garrus watched her quietly. Taking in and assessing her body language in that calculating way he seemed to do everything. He breathed in deeply through his nose.

 “But…,” he said.

She nibbled on her lower lip for a second before shrugging and saying, “But I don’t want to. Too bad that doesn’t matter. Things to do and all that.”

Garrus grinned, “You _are_ the Commander. And a Spectre. I figure if you want to stand around talking to the definitely not-a-furry-kitten-turian all day, that’s your call.”

Shepard snorted, “What and keep the definitely not-a-furry-kitten-turian from picking all the geth parts out of the Mako’s grill?”

Garrus chuffed, “Can’t blame me for trying.”

“Uh huh,” Shepard turned to make her way towards engineering.

She heard him take another deep breath and felt his eyes on her as she walked away. She had to beat down the fluttering of her heart and the butterflies in her stomach. _Changing the little things. So many new little things._

“Definitely going crazy,” Shepard mumbled to herself as the door to engineering opened.

“Shepard. I’m glad you’re here,” Tali said sounding far happier than she had the last time they talked.

“Good to see you smiling again. So to speak,” Shepard said.

“I’m sleeping much better now. I guess I’m getting used to how quiet your ship is,” Tali said. “I still think a lot about my Pilgrimage, though. I know Saren is our top priority. But with all the worlds we go to, I was hoping to find something to bring back to the flotilla.”

Tali spent some time explaining to Shepard that with her father being the senior member of the Admiralty Board, she was held to a higher standard than other quarians. Technically, her father’s position had no effect on her status but in practice it did change the way people treated her and how she was expected to behave. She needed something more impressive than a derelict ship to bring back to the flotilla.

 “What would you need to bring back to make everyone happy?” Shepard asked.

“Something that would help us better understand the geth. They’ve changed significantly since the exile; they’ve continued to evolve. We’ve done our best to study them, but it’s not easy. They’re very reclusive. Until recently, they never went beyond the borders of the Veil. And all the geth we run into now are under Saren’s control. We’d need to find geth operating on their own. Independently. But I don’t want this to get in the way of our mission, Shepard. First, we stop Saren. Then I’ll worry about my own problems,” Tali said.

Shepard and Tali spent another half hour talking about the various types of geth that they had come across so far. Beyond the simple troopers, Tali was at a loss. The other types were the most visible evidence of how the geth had evolved since the quarian’s exile. Tali had taken it upon herself to start cataloging the various types of geth that Shepard had come across, as well as including a list of the capabilities when possible. Shepard promised Tali that she would tell her anything else that she came across on the geth when Tali wasn’t with her.

Shepard finally sucked it up and went to face the music with Dr. Chakwas. The doctor was sitting at a table in the mess hall drinking coffee and finishing her lunch. Shepard grabbed a tray of her own and slid into the chair across from Dr. Chakwas.

“Commander,” Dr. Chakwas said over her cup.

“Williams said you were looking for me?” Shepard said keeping her eyes on her food.

“Don’t be coy, Commander. I want to know what other side effects you’ve been experiencing.” Dr. Chakwas cut to the chase.

Shepard looked around the mess hall to see if anyone was close enough to listen to their conversation, “I’ve always had nightmares… but lately, some nights, I wake up from strange dreams that are unlike any other dreams I’ve ever had. They’re gone seconds later, and I can’t remember anything about them at all. There’s always just this feeling that they’re… important.”

Dr. Chakwas leaned her elbows on the table, “Go on.”

Shepard sighed, “And sometimes I feel like I know things that I have no reason to know. Little things usually, like where a room is located in a building I’ve never been in or maybe sometimes I just know what someone is about to say to me before they say it.”

“Interesting. You said ‘little things usually’. Have there been ‘bigger things’, Commander?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose before leveling her eyes on the woman sitting across from her. She chose her next words very carefully. She knew that Dr. Chakwas had the power to cause her a lot of trouble if she had any reason to think that Shepard was unfit for duty. Her words might not hold much weight with the Council, but it would mean everything to the Alliance.

“Before we left the Citadel… I was investigating some strange activity involving a gambling machine that had been altered to funnel credits to an account. Garrus noticed the discrepancy while were working on something else. Anyway, we finally traced the signal back an AI housed on a server in the financial district. The AI said it was going to self-destruct and blow the whole server up, killing us and any other people in that area,” Shepard began.

Dr. Chakwas gasped, “Dear God.”

“Yeah, so, anyway. I didn’t have any real choice other than to try to disable the server with the AI fighting against me… There was a moment of panic… and then I, and then it was just like my hands took over. Had a mind of their own and new exactly what needed to be done.”

Shepard held her breath as she waited for Dr. Chakwas to insist on a full psychological evaluation and suggest that she should be put on inactive duty in the meantime. She would fight it, of course. There was too much at stake and she had to get to Saren before he found the Conduit. There was no way she would let this or anything else stand in her way. Dr. Chakwas sat quietly watching Shepard.

“Commander, with your express permission, I would like to discuss these things with Dr. T’soni. I know that she is not a medical doctor, but she has far more knowledge on the prothean’s than what I could ever hope to have myself. I need to know if these… symptoms match up to anything that Dr. T’soni knows about prothean technology,” Dr. Chakwas finally spoke.

Shepard released her breath slowly and leaned back against her chair, “Yeah, sure. If you think it’ll help.”

“In the meantime,” Dr. Chakwas began and Shepard groaned. “In the meantime, Commander, I want you to keep track of these symptoms to the best of your ability and report any changes to me right away.”

“Yeah,” Shepard said noncommittally.

“Commander,” Dr. Chakwas persisted.

“Yes, OK, Dr. Chakwas. I’ll keep logs and report to you on any changes. Got it,” Shepard said.

Dr. Chakwas stood up and took her plate to the sink before returning to the med bay. Shepard ate the rest of her meal in silence before heading to the cockpit to check in with Joker and get an ETA. She leaned down over the co-pilots chair and Joker glanced over at her.

“Boy am I glad to be off Noveria,” Joker said. “I don’t know which was worse: the cold or the corporations. One will freeze your balls off, the other will sell ‘em out from under you. With all due respect, Commander.”

Shepard laughed which made Joker genuinely smile. She gathered that was a rare sight.

“How far out are we, Joker?” Shepard asked.

“ETA two hours forty minutes,” Joker said. “Everything alright, Commander? Not to pry or anything but it looked like Dr. Chakwas was just giving you the mean scary face down in the mess hall. Same face she gives me when she thinks I’m not taking my medication the way I’m supposed to.”

“Joker! You shouldn’t avoid your meds, I need my pilot at his best,” Shepard said.

“You too, huh? Alright, Commander, I tell you what. You convince the doctor to give me something that doesn’t make me need to piss every hour and we’ll talk. So, you alright?” Joker said.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just some headaches and crap to do with the beacon. She’s upset because I didn’t tell her about it right away,” Shepard said.

“Yeah, so what was up with that beacon?” Joker asked.

Shepard slid into the empty co-pilot’s seat. Joker’s mouth twitched and Shepard wasn’t sure if it was amusement at seeing the commander sitting in a co-pilots chair or annoyance that she was making herself comfortable in his space. She sat looking out at the vast expanse of space surrounding the Normandy. After a few moments of silence she caught Joker staring at her so she started to speak again.

“It was, uh, red and painful. These images of aliens, the protheans I guess, being ripped apart by synthetics. Of circuitry and tubes and wires being connected to flesh. It’s really hard to describe. It was flickering, flashing from image to image too fast to track and it was all in shades of red. Like trying to see with blood in your eyes. Guess you probably don’t know what that’s like, sorry,” Shepard said.

“Wow. That’s uh – wow. That sucks,” Joker said.

Shepard laughed again and thought she heard Joker give a quiet chuckle. When her laughter died down she looked back out at the stars. She stayed like that, just enjoying the view and the quiet with Joker occasionally glancing her direction but not speaking. She didn’t realize how much time had slipped by until Joker’s quiet voice shook her from her thoughts.

“ETA twenty minutes, Commander,” Joker said.

Shepard turned her head to look at him, “Thanks, Joker. Sorry for uh, you know…”

Joker shrugged, “As long as you don’t go messing with any of the controls, I don’t mind, Commander.”

Shepard stood up and stretched before patting Joker gently on his shoulder. She noticed he stiffened at the contact.

“Oh, sorry. Did that hurt?” Shepard asked.

“Uh, no, Commander. Just wasn’t expecting it,” Joker said.

“Oh. Alright, well tell Ashley and Liara to get ready for me, will ya?” Shepard said on her way out of the cockpit.

Joker’s response was to flip two switches and speak the request into the comm. Shepard went to get ready herself before going to wait by the airlock. Ashley was already waiting and a little while later Liara arrived holding the box of artifacts snuggly against her chest. The ship docked and Joker gave them the all clear to leave the ship. Someone was waiting for them next to their dock, an admiral by his uniform markings. Shepard slowed to a hesitant stop a few feet away from the older man.

Ashley stopped and saluted, “Ten-hut!”

“At ease,” he said to Ashley before turning to look at Shepard and saluting her. “Rear Admiral Mikhailovich, Fifth Fleet.”

Shepard decided to respond in kind, not knowing what the admiral wanted. She saluted, “Commander Shepard, SSV Normandy.”

“You don’t know who I am, do you Commander?” Mikhailovich asked. “I command the sixty-third Scout Flotilla. You and the Normandy were slated for my unit after shakedown. Then the Council got their paws… Claws. Tentacles. Whatever. They got them on our ship. And you.”

Did the man really not see the asari standing right there next to Shepard?

“I still serve the Alliance, sir. As a Spectre, I can advance our interests to the Council,” Shepard took the diplomatic route.

“Hmph. You still know what color your blood is, Shepard?” Mikhailovick said. “I don’t begrudge the politicians’ decisions to throw you to the Council. It’s an… opportunity. I do begrudge this overdesigned piece of tin, though.”

Shepard fought the urge to punch the admiral. She’d probably get away with it but it would definitely cause waves.

“This ship has saved our lives a dozen times over!” Shepard said.

“An exaggeration. I’ve read your reports. This experiment,” Mikhailovick said pounding a fist down into his open palm, “diverted billions from our appropriation bills. For the same price, we could’ve had a heavy cruiser. But no, we had to make nice to the turians. Throw money at a co-developed boondoggle. I’m here to make an inspection, Commander. Normandy is an Alliance warship. I intend to see she’s up to snuff.”

“Normandy is an Alliance warship, but she’s on loan to the Citadel. That means she’s not in your chain of command,” said Shepard.

“I believe there is something wrong with my ears. Did you just contradict me?” Mikhailovick snarled.

“Normandy is not legally a part of the Alliance Military,” Shepard said shaking her head. “I can’t allow you aboard without permission from the Office of Special Tactics and Reconnaissance.”

“Sophistry. You’re talking like the Council. Using the law to obstruct the Alliance,” Mikhailovick pouted. “Have it your way, Commander. But expect me to file a report on this.”

Admiral Mikhailovick turned and walked away leaving Shepard and her team to head into the elevator. Shepard had her mind focused on Mikhailovick, wandering why he really wanted on the Normandy so she didn’t catch the full conversation between Liara and Ashley. Something about Ashley’s training and taking down Saren. Shepard spared a fleeting pleased thought to see Ashley and Liara talking as she stepped off the elevator. Her thoughts were interrupted by a call coming through on her channel.

“Commander Shepard? Sorry to bother you. This is Lieutenant Girard down in the docking bay,” a man with a heavy French accent said. “There’s a woman here, uh… She was rescued from batarian slavers a few weeks ago. She’s from Mindoir. I guess she was taken. In the raid on your town.”

Shepard held her hand up to the communication device secured in her ear, pressing the small button there to speak, “She’s been a slave for the past thirteen years? Is she alright?”

“Not really,” Girard’s voice came through. “She’s a little messed up. She got free somehow. Grabbed a gun from one of my guys. Now she’s holed up here in the docking bay. She, uh – She says she wants to die. I hoped you’d talk to her. It’s a long shot but you went through the same thing. The raid. I figured maybe you could talk her out of her tree.”

“I’m on my way, Lieutenant. Sit tight,” Shepard said even as she turned back to the elevator.

“Anything you can do would be great. I don’t want to – She’s been through enough. I’ll have my men stand by for you,” Girard said.

Ashley and Liara gave Shepard a quizzical look as she stepped back on the elevator but they followed her without question.

“There’s a situation on the docks that I need to take care of before we deal with the Council,” Shepard said.

The elevator took her back up to the docks where she saw two guards standing near the Normandy looking off towards a stack of crates further down the docking platform. One of them turned to salute her.

“Commander, glad to see you,” he had the same voice; it must be Girard.

“I wish it were under better circumstances. Where is she?” Shepard asked.

Girard looked back at the crates and pointed, “Behind those shipping containers. I’ve got a sniper positioned, but I don’t think we’ll need him. She’s only a danger to herself. We’ve got a sedative to calm her down, but we can’t get close to her. Every step we take gets her more wound up.”

Shepard took the sedative from Girard, “I hope I don’t need it. Tell your men to stand by.”

Girard held up a hand, “Don’t push her too hard. If she seems liable to pull the trigger, back off. Or walk away. I’m willing to wait her out. Good luck, Commander.”

Shepard made her way slowly over to the woman hiding behind the crates. She didn’t let her get very close before she pointed a pistol at Shepard.

            “S-stop! What do you – What are you?” Her voice was heavily laced with fear.

            “My name is Shepard. Lieutenant Girard sent me to talk to you. What’s your name?” Shepard spoke slowly and softly, hoping to soothe the woman.

            The woman shook her head, “Animals don’t get names. The masters put their symbols on her. Hot metal all over her back. She screams when they do it.”

            It was difficult to tell how old the woman was; thirteen years in slavery undoubtedly took a toll on her body. Her eyes had dark circles beneath them, creases formed over her face. Her hair was cropped close to her scalp. Scars and bruises were visible on her arms, neck, and face.

            “You’re not an animal. Your parents? What did they call you? Do you remember them?” Shepard asked trying to keep the venom out of her voice.

            “She remembers a lot of things,” the woman said. “Talitha. They called her that. Sh-She doesn’t remember the rest. Leave her alone.”

            Talitha lowered the gun while she thought about her name before rubbing her forearm across her head, the gun swinging around wildly as she did so. Shepard tensed as she tracked the weapons location with her eyes. 

            “What happened to your parents?” Shepard asked.

            “There’s – She sees them. They’re yelling. Run. Hide,” Talitha startled and looked up and to the side as the memory took hold of her. “They hit the masters. But the masters, they have lights and hoses. Daddy’s – He’s melting!”

            Talitha grabbed her head, the pistol rising with her hand. She used the back of the thumb gripping the pistol to rub at her eye, “Sh-She doesn’t want to see that! Don’t make her look. Don’t look! Stupid, stupid!”

            “I know it hurts, Talitha,” Shepard said making sure to use her name. “I’m sorry. But you need to deal with this. What happened to them? Think.”

            “When she thinks, water comes out of her eyes. The masters beat her when she wastes water. So she doesn’t think anymore. She sees them. Mommy and Daddy. Burning in white light. Melting. Going to pieces. They can’t even say anything to her. They’re dead, Shepard. They try to save her, and the masters burn them. Can she stop remembering now? Please?” Talitha’s voice was cracking; she was so close to sobbing as she grabbed her head with both hands once more.

            “I’m going to take a step towards you now. Okay?” Shepard said.

            Talitha startled back as Shepard neared, “No! She’s no good. Don’t want to be handled again!”

            “What’s the last thing you remember from Mindoir?” Shepard asked.

            “Fires. Smells of smoke and burning meat. Animals screaming as the masters cage them. As they put the metal to their backs. Put wires in their brains,” Talitha moved the gun to the side of her face and whispered as if telling a secret behind her hand. “She pretends to be dead. If she’s dead, she can’t work. But they know. She hopes they’ll leave. But they put her in the pen. She didn’t fight. She was already broken when they put the wires in.”

Shepard swallowed back the bile that was threatening to rise up her throat and pushed back her own memories of watching her parents die at the hands of the batarians. The smell of burning meat, Talitha said. Shepard knew that she was describing the horrible scent of burning human flesh. She had smelled it too; she would never forget that smell.

            “With everything that happened that day, no one could blame you for hoping they’d just go away,” Shepard said.

            Talitha’s head ticked, “She can. She can blame her. Stupid! She’s stupid and she deserves to be dead!”

            “How did you get here? Did you escape?” Shepard asked.

            “She can’t escape,” Talitha shook her head like it was obvious. “They have chains. Wires. Needles. You go too far, they take your brains away,” she shook the gun at Shepard as if it were a simple finger she were waving around to emphasize her point, “Animals like her come. Animals with guns. They make the masters explode. She tries to fix the masters. So they won’t be mad at her. She puts all the reds and purples back in, but they don’t move. The other animals take her.”

            “You were afraid. All you’d known for thirteen years was the ‘masters’ abuse. So you tried to heal them,” Shepard said.

            “She doesn’t want to see other animals. They’re not real. They can’t be real. They can’t see her. If the animals can see her, then this is real. But it can’t be. The wires. The chains. The hitting. This doesn’t happen to her. It’s another girl. A dirty girl. A stupid girl. She deserves it! It – It happens to her. Doesn’t it? They see her, so it’s real. She doesn’t want it to be real,” the tears start to fall from Talitha’s eyes.

            “I was on Mindoir. My parents died in the raid,” Shepard forced the words out.

            Talitha jumped and started looking around erratically again, “Lying. You get hit for lying. Get the buzz or the burning. Can’t be there. Why are you alive?” Talitha screamed and pointed the pistol at Shepard again, “Why are you – Why aren’t you like her? Broken. Only fit to dig and carry.”

            “For a while I was broken. I lost my whole family, Talitha. My friends. My childhood. I had to pull myself up and keep going,” Shepard spoke the words she hadn’t to anyone else in years.

            “You lose your mommy and daddy. But you don’t dig. You don’t carry. You stand up. She wishes she could stand up,” Talitha said.

            “I’m going to take a step towards you now. Okay?” Shepard repeated the same thing, wanting to keep things simple and precise with Talitha before taking another step.

            “She doesn’t want – don’t touch her!” Talitha snapped but kept the gun down.

            “Please don’t touch her. She’s dirty. You’ll catch it!” Talitha whined and pleaded.

            “Talitha, this will make you sleep,” Shepard said handing the sedative to Talitha. “If you fall asleep, they’ll take you to a place where you can get better.”

            Talitha looked around before taking the sedative, “Will she have bad dreams?”

            Talitha’s eyes started to droop and she stepped towards Shepard. Shepard opened her arms to the battered woman. Talitha laid her head against Shepard’s shoulder while Shepard wrapped her arms around her. Shepard knew exactly what her own dreams would be like.

            “You’ll dream of a warm place. And when you wake up, you’ll be in it,” Shepard told her.

            “She’d like that,” Talitha’s voice came soft next to Shepard’s ear. “It hurts when she – when I remember me.” She pulled back from Shepard to look her in the eye, “But she wants to remember.”

            Talitha slumped forward. Shepard reached out to grab her before she could hit the ground and slowly lowered the woman to the dock. Shepard walked past Liara and Ashely with her spine straight and her eyes forward. She whisked a few tears away from her face as she went back to Girard.

            “Is it over, Commander?” Girard asked.

            “She took the sedative. She wants to get better, Lieutenant,” Shepard told him.

            “Thanks, Commander. That means a lot. I didn’t want to hurt her. It’s just, when I see her curled into a ball, shivering… She was only six when they took her. Why the hell are we out here if we can’t even keep one little girl safe?” Girard asked.

            “Bad things happen to good people, Lieutenant,” Shepard said. “That’s why you and I are here. Don’t wring your hands over her – help her.”

            “Yes ma’am,” Girard said. “Thanks for your help, Commander. We are taking her to a counseling center. They’ll help her get better.

            Shepard nodded to the lieutenant before making her way back to the elevator. Ashley and Liara exchanged a look but stayed quiet and close to their Commander. Shepard took a deep breath and patted her cheeks to make sure they were dry.

As soon as she stepped off the elevator in C-Sec for the second time was Shepard waved down by a reporter.

            “Commander Shepard? Khalisah bint Sinan Al-Jilani, Westerlund News. Would you answer a few questions for our viewers?” the reporter asked.

            “What sort of questions?” Shepard asked.

            “People back home have heard a lot of wild stories about you, Commander. I can give you the chance to set the record straight. What do you say?” Khalisah said.

            “So long as you understand that I may not be able to answer all questions,” Shepard said.

            “I’m sure our viewers will understand,” the reporter opened her omni-tool and the camera that had been hovering near lowered itself to zoom in on Shepard; shining a light in her face.

            Shepard stood with her hands behind her back and answered all of the reporter’s questions as diplomatically as she could. The reporter seemed to have some serious problems with the Council and the alien races that made Shepard uncomfortable. Shepard had never been very good when dealing with the press, and right now, especially right after dealing with Talitha she was having trouble keeping things civil. Finally Shepard held up a hand to bring an end to the interview before she did something really stupid like knock the reporter flat on her ass.

            “Hold on. It’s pretty clear you have an agenda here. I’m not going to be part of it. Excuse me,” Shepard was proud of herself for walking away.

            “You can’t just walk away, Commander. The public has a right to know!” Khalisah called after Shepard. “Isn’t it true you’re just a shill for the Council?”      

            Shepard kept walking with Liara and Ashley at her side. She sent a quick message to Nassana Dantius to inform her she would be available to speak with her at the designated location in an hour’s time. She led her small group to Tevos’ office, expecting the asari councilor to be more conducive to surprise visits. Plus, she just didn’t like Sparatus and Valern seemed generally disinterested in most things to do with Shepard. Tevos’ office was expansive and far more posh than Shepard was comfortable around. An asari sat at a desk across from the door.

            “Spectre Shepard. What can we do for you today?” she greeted Shepard.

            “I have some artifacts that were found in the field,” Shepard said gesturing towards the box Liara carried. “I wished to deliver them to Tevos personally as my associate, Dr. T’soni, assures me they are quite delicate and fragile.”

            “I see, of course. One moment, please. I will see if Tevos is available to see you,” she said before pushing a button on her console.

            Tevos voice rang through the comm, “Yes?”

            “Sorry to bother you, Councilor. Spectre Shepard is here with two of her associates. She wishes to see you regarding some artifacts that she has brought with her. Are you available to see Spectre Shepard?” the asari spoke while maintaining a smile and watchful eye on Shepard’s companions.

            “Yes, of course. Send them in. Thank you, Selene,” Tevos said.

            The asari stood up and walked around the desk before holding out an arm, “Right this way, please.”

            Selene led Shepard down a long hallway decorated with sculptures and paintings. She opened the door at the end of the hall and stepped aside for Shepard, Liara, and Ashley to enter. Selene closed the door behind them as Shepard stood before Tevos’ desk. Tevos finished typing something on her computer before turning her attention to Shepard. Her smile faltered when she saw Liara but she recovered it fast enough to not appear overly rude. She pushed her chair away from her desk and stood.

            “Shepard, it is good to see you. And you, Liara. It has been a long time. I was grieved to learn of your mother’s fate,” Tevos said.

            Liara bowed her head, “It is a pleasure to see you as well, Councilor.”

            A hint of sadness washed over Tevos’ face before she turned to Ashley, “And if I am not mistaken, you are Alliance Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, correct? You were involved with the Eden Prime missions, is that correct?”

            Ashley nodded, “Yes ma’am.”

            “Well Shepard, what is it you have brought for me?” Tevos said done with the pleasantries.

            Shepard gestured to Liara who gently sat the box down on Tevos’ desk before carefully laying the items out for Tevos to see.

            “Shepard has recovered historically significant specimens from each of the Council races, Tevos. She has asked me to study them in order to provide you with a full report, which I have here,” Liara handed the councilor a datapad, “These medallions are salarian origin, they were found with mummified corpses and my research has confirmed them to be the identifiers of the League of One. These banners contain insignias from the lost turian colonies, and here we have some journal entries that I have confirmed to have been written by Matriarch Dilinaga.”

            “Oh my. I am quite impressed, Shepard. These are all quite valuable discoveries. Thank you for bringing them in personally. I will make sure that you are well compensated for your time and efforts. Liara, thank you as well for your diligence in studying and caring for these artifacts,” Tevos said as Liara carefully placed each item back into the box.

            Shepard nodded to Tevos, “Of course, Councilor. We needed supplies from the Citadel anyway before continuing on. I will let you get back to your work.”

            “Thank you, Shepard,” Tevos said as the three women left her office.

            They took a skycar to the bar in the embassies and met with Nassana Dantius. Shepard recognized her as having been in the same bar, at the same table the last time Shepard was here talking to the Alliance rep about Bhatia’s remains.

 “Commander Shepard, I am Nassana Dantius,” the asari introduced herself. “I’m glad you’re here. I must talk to you about my sister, Dahlia. She has been kidnapped by slavers!”

Shepard crossed her arms, “I killed Dahlia myself. And I know she was blackmailing you.”

The asari pursed her lips and tilted her head, “Hm. And I was all set to try to manipulate you into hunting her down for me. But I guess that won’t be necessary now, will it?”

            Shepard closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Images began flashing on the back of her eyelids. She was standing in an office in front of Nassana Dantius. Mercenary guards stood around the woman. Shepard could see sky cars buzzing by in the night sky out of the window. Nassana thought Shepard had come to kill her and Shepard found that amusing. A salarian stood next to Shepard, wearing white and red armor, and missing part of the right horn on his head. Mordin. On her other side a human woman, young, bald, covered in tattoos, with a mostly exposed torso. Jack. Movement from the ceiling caught Shepard’s attention, but she kept her gaze locked on Nassana. The drell assassin she had been tracking through the building dropped from the ceiling, falling silently to the floor. Thane. He moved like magic, like flowing water, and dancing wind as he snapped the neck of one guard, punched the next in the throat, and shot the last before spinning around to knock aside Nassana’s gun placing his own firmly against her abdomen. He paused briefly and then pulled the trigger. Gently he laid Nassana down against the desk as she sputtered out her final breaths. He crossed her arms over her chest before clasping his hands together and bowing his head as if in prayer.

            Shepard’s eyes flew open and she blinked rapidly; the images faded but unlike the dreams the memory of it stayed with her. _Yes! Yes, that’s right, that’s real. Keep it, hold on to it. Don’t let it go. Oh thank the gods._ She could feel her heart racing. No, no this isn’t happening she told herself. Shepard looked at Nassana and swallowed down the hard lump that had formed in her throat. _No, no, stop that. You’re not going crazy. That was real. I am real. No, stop. What are you doing? Don’t push it away!_

“You wanted your sister dead?” Ashley raised her eyebrows.

She was grateful for Ashley’s distraction. She didn’t think anyone noticed her moment of panic. Shepard struggled to push the images away but they wouldn’t leave her. She was able to regain her composure enough to follow along with the conversation and school her expressions. She felt her calm returning as she focused on what Nassana was saying.

“If people found out my sister was a criminal, I’d be considered a security risk. They’d revoke my clearance, or place me on administrative leave until she was apprehended,” Nassana said. “I shall transfer a little something into your account as a token of my appreciation. I’m sure you will find the amount satisfactory.”

“You’re a diplomat on her way up the ranks. It could be handy to have a Spectre who owes you a favor,” Shepard said.

“You make a good point. Anyone can come up with credits, but I can give you authorization to purchase prototype asari mods. I will get you added to our manufacturer’s preferred client list. I think you would be very interested in what they have available. Goodbye, Shepard. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you,” Nassana said.

Shepard couldn’t wait to get away from Nassana. The image of the woman being shot in the abdomen at point blank kept flooding her mind. She escaped into the public restroom as soon as she could and locked herself in a stall. She was shaking so hard she had trouble engaging the lock at first. She sat on the toilet and leaned forward, digging her elbows into her knees so she could bury her face in her palms.

“This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening,” Shepard whispered to herself over and over.

_Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Stop fighting me. I can help you. You need me. I need you. Gods don’t push me away. It’s taken me so long, so, so long to make progress. Please don’t push me away._

“Commander?” Liara’s soft voice was at the door. “Commander, is everything alright? Should I… should I call Dr. Chakwas?

“No! Sorry, no, Liara. Do not call Dr. Chakwas. I’ll be alright. I just need a minute. It’s uh, just hitting me a little hard. That woman, Talitha, on the docks, I mean,” Shepard said.

“Of course. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you. I had heard whispers about your past and what happened to your parents on Mindoir, but I had no idea of the extent of what you must have witnessed. My heart breaks for you, Shepard and for that poor woman. Is there anything that I can do for you?” Liara spoke softly.

Shepard stood and opened the stall door. Liara had been leaning against it and jumped in surprise. Shepard tried to smile but couldn’t make her mouth obey her command. She walked over to the sink and splashed some water on her face before looking at Liara’s reflection in the mirror. Liara held out a towel to Shepard to dry her face on. Shepard took the towel and pressed it against her face. She took a deep breath, letting the clean scent of the soft cloth fill her lungs before she let it out slowly.

“Thank you, Liara. I think I’m OK now. Where’s Ashley?” Shepard asked.

“Standing guard,” Liara indicated the door. “I do not think that those waiting appreciate her refusal to allow them to enter. I fear it will only be a matter of moments before one of them calls C-Sec.”

Shepard surprised herself with the laugh that rushed out of her. It seemed to startle Liara as well but soon the asari was giving Shepard that soft smile of hers. It helped though, to calm Shepard. She patted her face again and put the towel in the chute.

“Well, we had better get out of here before they arrive, then. Come on, I have a few more people to see before we’ll head back to the ship,” Shepard put her hand on Liara’s back to guide her towards the door.

Shepard made her way to where she had last seen Garoth, the man who asked her to look for his brother. She found him in the same area, it seemed like he had been waiting there for her to return. He probably came there every day to watch for Shepard, hoping that she would bring him good news. She really hated this part of the job. She supposed every solider and did. She broke the news to Garoth as gently as she could. She avoided the more gruesome details of how she found his brother’s body and gave him the datapad she had found with his corpse.

 “I’m sorry for your loss,” Shepard said.

Garoth shook Shepard’s hand, “Thank you for finding him. It’s better to know one way or the other. That’s what they say, right? Please excuse me. I need to go make arrangements for his funeral.”

Admiral Kahoku wasn’t very far from Garoth. It was only marginally easier to tell a fellow serviceman such bad news than what it was to tell a civilian. He didn’t want to believe that his men were all dead, not by a thresher maw. Shepard told him that the evidence suggested that they had been lured there by an Alliance distress beacon which appeared to have been deliberately placed in the middle of a thresher nest.

 “Damn it! I had a bad feeling about this ever since my team disappeared. An Alliance beacon used as bait, my unit wiped out… and nobody seems to know anything about it!” Kahoku ranted. “Commander, I appreciate what you did. Now I need to do my part. The families of those marines deserve to know why they died.”

“Anything you need from me?” Shepard asked.

“Not right now, Shepard. But I’ll let you know as soon as I find something out,” Kahoku walked away.

Feeling calm and completely in control of herself once again, Shepard took the rapid transit to the markets in the wards. She did a little shopping, ordering supplies for the Normandy mostly. She bought a couple of bottles of ryncol for Wrex after repeatedly assuring the merchant that she didn’t intend to drink it herself.

 “Hey, Commander Shepard! It’s me, Conrad Verner. Remember me?” Conrad waved at Shepard from across the markets.

            She made her way over to the man, wondering what he could possibly want now.

            “There are rumors on the extranet that you’ve been made the first human Spectre! That’s incredible!” Conrad gushed.

            “Being a Spectre is a big responsibility. I just want to make humanity proud,” Shepard said.

            “The vids were all talking about ‘Commander Shepard fighting for all of us back home,’” Conrad said saluting. “And your grace and skill have inspired a whole legion of admirers, too! Hey, can I get your picture?”

            “I don’t have a problem with it, but… why?” Shepard asked.

            “Are you kidding? Nobody will believe that I talked to the beautiful Commander Shepard unless I get a picture!” Conrad said.

“Just hold up your gun. Perfect!” Conrad said as Shepard posed for the picture.

He snapped a picture and Shepard relaxed putting her gun away.

“Thanks again, Commander. I’m going to hang this in my living room! My wife will love it!” Conrad said walking away.

“Yeah, that wasn’t creepy,” Shepard drawled. “Let’s get out of here.”


	13. Chapter 12: My Name Was Jane

**Chapter 12: My Name Was Jane**

_I can’t… I can’t remember what my name was. My real name. My first name. Before all of this shit started. My gods, what was my name? **Stacey. Amber. Stephanie. Jessica. Mark. Mila.**_ The fragmented voices started rising to the surface, speaking their long dead names to the essence. Clawing and fighting, struggling to assert themselves; to be the ‘real’ Shepard. _No, no, no, shut up! My name. Me. The first. The one that has held your asses together to try to stop this crap. The one that every last one of you failed. That we failed. I failed. **Kristen. David. Hannah. Rose Marie. John. Ellana.** No, stop it. I said shut up! **Brooke. Casey. Angela. Kelley. Elisabeth. Carson. Lilith.** SHUT UP!_

Shepard winced and said, “Jane.”

“What was that, Commander?” Joker asked from his pilot’s chair.

Shepard turned her head, “What was what?”

“What did you just say?” Joker looked at Shepard like she was completely thick.

“I didn’t say anything,” she said.

“Uhhh, yeah you did,” Joker insisted.

Shepard raised a shoulder, “I don’t know. I must have been thinking out loud.”

Joker shrugged and Shepard returned to staring at the streaks of light as the Normandy flew at FTL speeds.

 _Jane._ The other voices quieted as the alpha examined the word. _Jane. Jane. Yes, that was it. My name was Jane… and you Dawn, just said my name. Say it again. Jane. Say Jane. **Sarah. Nathan. Falon. Hedda. Adrienne. Anna.** No, shut up. I’m not talking to you. Stop it; she doesn’t need to hear you. She needs to hear me. **We are you.** Shhhh. You’ll confuse her. Dawn. We’ll confuse Dawn. We need to make her listen. **Desmond. Ruby. Ayo. Caroline.** Stop, please stop. _

It took an hour for Jane to reassert herself and make the other voices stop saying their names. _Dawn, it’s been days and days. You’re not going where you need to go. You’re avoiding Feros and Virmire. You haven’t even thought of Ilos yet. You’ve dealt with ‘Father Kyle’ and his biotic cultists. The rachni swarms at the listening posts. Heard your first news about Cerberus. Learned they were behind the rachni you found outside of Noveria. Blew up the station. Now we’re headed to the Hydra system to check out reports of ‘strange activity’. Come on, Shepard. We need to be going to Feros. **Feros. Feros. Feros.** Shut up! **She’s not going to listen.** Yes she will, now be quiet._

_I showed you the Illusive Man, but you pushed him away just the same as you did when I showed you Thane. I can hear you. I hear your brain tick, tick, ticking away. You think you’re crazy but you’re not crazy. Not crazy. **Are we crazy?** Shhh. Just not alone in here, Dawn. You haven’t breathed a word of what you saw when you looked at Nassana to anyone. Thane, Jack, Mordin and you know they’re real. I can feel it. I can hear you. You know they’re real but you don’t want to try to search for their names, you’re afraid you’ll be wrong. You’re afraid you’ll be right. They would all be near impossible to find anyway. _

_Dr. Chakwas and Liara spend days researching this. Spent days discussing what prothean technology is capable of and they think it is possible that I am just a side effect of the beacon. Maybe I am. Maybe that’s what has kept me alive. **Are we alive?** Shhh. Could it be the beacon? Maybe that makes more sense than a Cerberus fuck up. It did happen earlier, so much closer to where I keep starting over again. But that wouldn’t mean that we’re not real. Doesn’t mean that we haven’t kept doing this over and over again. You haven’t written about it in your logs. I know you think it can’t just be the beacon, and you’re right. Even if the beacon did do this to me I refuse to believe that I am just some echo caused by a bad transmission. I still think, react to new situations. Don’t we? We’re alive. Well, maybe. **Depends on how life is really defined,** _ one of the less confused voices said. **_Not alive,_** still another added their opinion. _Shhh. **Died in space and burned to ashes on the Citadel.** Shh, be quiet. **It hurt. Oh gods it hurt. It hurt. It hurt.**_ The others were getting restless once more; pushing themselves forward and making Jane hear them. _I know! OK, damn it, I know! I went though it too and I was there with each and every fucking one of you as you relieved it so don’t you fucking tell me about how bad it hurt. Dawn Shepard. Remember her? The one who is living all this crap and headed towards those same deaths right now? Can you all please try to keep it down so I can talk to her now?_ Jane refocused her efforts on breaking through to Shepard. _So if you don’t believe it’s the beacon try to understand instead what it really is… try to reach out and find me. I’m here, Dawn. Please find me._

Shepard stood and patted Joker lightly on his shoulder. She had taken to doing that every time she left the cockpit and noticed that he was coming to expect it from her. He wasn’t tensing up anymore at all and she thought that maybe he welcomed it in his own way.

_Where are we going, Dawn? Oh, to talk to Ashley. Why? Why are we going to talk to Ashley? We need to go to Feros and Virmire if you want to hear Ilos. Let’s go to the map instead, Dawn. Go to the map. Change destinations. The map, Dawn. Go. To. The. Map. THE MAP!_

Shepard rubbed at her temple while she waited for the door in front of her to slide open. She was going to have to ask Dr. Chakwas for another one of those patches soon. The door opened and she made her way down the stairs and to the elevator.

_Damn. OK, no, this is OK. I can work with this. We remember this. That voice. One of her sisters. She’s watching vid mail from one of her sisters, Sarah. That one’s name is Sarah. **My name is Sarah.** I know. I’m not talking about you, though. I’m talking about Ashley’s sisters. Abby, Lynn, and Sarah. _

Abby, Lynn, and Sarah. The names rose unbidden to Shepard’s mind causing her to falter in her steps. _Ah, good._ She heard a young woman’s voice coming through Ashley’s omni-tool. She hesitated, not wanting to interrupt but Ashley turned and saw Shepard standing there.

“Oh, before I go. We saw Kaidan in a news vid about the Normandy. He’s cute. Later, sis,” the voice from Ashley’s omni-tool said.

Ashley blushed, “Let’s pretend this never happened.”

“The damage is done, Williams,” Shepard teased.

“Oh, shoot me now,” Ashley said hanging her head. “One of my sisters. That’s Sarah. The youngest. What’s up? You didn’t come by to eavesdrop on family mail.”

“Sarah?” Shepard asked as her mouth went dry.

“Yeah, I have three sisters. I’m the oldest, then Abby, then Lynn. Sarah’s the youngest,” Ashley said with a proud smile.

Shepard cleared her throat, “Oh. That must be nice. Tell me about them.”

Ashley started to tell Shepard about her family and how difficult it was for her dad raising four daughters. Shepard tried to stay focused on what Ashley was telling her but her mind was racing in a million different directions.

 _Finally. No denying that one. It’s right in front of you, you heard it from her mouth. **From her mouth. I heard so much from the mouth. I remember the taste of that mouth. The things she can do with that mouth.** _ Jane ignored the voices rising up again. _Good. OK, what else? She’s going to tell you about Sarah’s boyfriend. Idiot tried to force himself on Sarah and got his ass handed to him._

“Yeah. ‘Course, if he didn’t ask at all, I’d wonder if he thought Sarah was ugly. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Mike thought they’d go for a romantic walk in the woods. ‘Cause he figured it was past time they did the deed,” Ashley said.

“Let me guess, Sarah handed him his ass?” Shepard asked even as a part of her desperately hoped Ashley would say no.

“Yeah! How’d you guess?” asked Ashley.

Shepard shrugged, “She is your sister.”

 Ashley laughed, “Right. Yeah, so she levered Mike face-first into a tree and left. Didn’t have a scratch on her. Good thing Mom and Dad had us all learn some kind of self-defense. I took emergency leave and walked Sar to school for a few days.”

Where is this coming from? Why is this happening to me? What the hell am I supposed to do with this shit? She was not going crazy. And she was definitely not a psychic. Certainly not. Probably not. Could she be a psychic? Is that really a thing? Shepard shoved the thoughts away.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me! How can you even try to deny that? Why are you pushing this away? Believe and stop fighting. No, no, no. I have not gone through this shit this many times to finally make some progress and have you shut me down._

_Liara suggested meditation. Not really our thing, I know, but isn’t it worth a try. Maybe I can reach you better if your mind is quiet and calm. Like in the dreams. We leak through in your dreams. You keep forgetting them, though. Would meditation be enough like sleep for us to leak through, but enough like consciousness that you remember? What? No, stop that. You are not hallucinating. I am not a fucking hallucination. Do not talk to Dr. Chakwas about this._ Jane rallied against the fears rushing through Shepard’s mind.

_She’s talking about her granddad now. General Williams, he surrendered to the turians during the First Contact War. He got a lot of shit for it, and being his granddaughter, so has she. It’s bullshit, really. She can’t be blamed for something he did; the Alliance should have given her the chance to prove herself. Hell, even he really got the short end of things. There wasn’t a lot else he could do at that point. Working with you though, if she survives Virmire, she’ll make it to the top. She’ll fight tooth and nail for it, and she’ll be given Spectre status as well. If she doesn’t survive, Kaidan will be the next human Spectre._

“ETA twenty minutes, Commander,” Joker’s voice came over the comm.

 _Wait, where are we going? Oh, right, Hydra system. Strange activity. You’re going to get a distress call. Something about a med transport ship that made an emergency landing and needs assistance. **Hydra. Hydra. Hydra.** _ Jane flicked through her memories and the memories of countless others pulling forward the ones that most closely matched the events that Shepard had already experienced and filtering out the events that occurred for this particular mission. _Why do the enemies change? Sometimes there are more of them, sometimes less. Sometimes they’re stronger, sometimes weaker. There, those. These match up. Right, right, geth trap I remember. Couple of armatures, couple of rocket drones, and three rocket troopers. Shouldn’t be too difficult. Hot planet, will need to stay inside of the Mako. **I didn’t stay inside the Mako.** I know, you got out and took them out with your own guns. Better to stay in the Mako. It’s faster, more efficient and less chance of being cooked inside of her armor. _

_Yeah, of course you have to check out every little blip on your radar. It’s not like we have more important things to be doing or anything. Heaven forbid we miss a gold deposit here and there._

_OK, here we are. Geth trap._

“This is a trap. I can feel it,” Shepard said as she surveyed the area stretching out in front of the Mako.

The signal was coming from something just straight ahead. She had stopped the Mako when she got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. That same feeling she always got when she knew she was walking into a trap.

“Yeah, I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Garrus said.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go ruin someone’s day,” said Wrex.

Shepard accelerated the Mako forward slowly, waiting for the trap to spring.

_Two armatures, they’ll be there and there. The rocket troopers, three of them, will come up there, there, and there. The two rocket drones will come up there and they’ll move as one. Best cover is there, there, and over there on the other side of where the second armature will be._

As they got closer to the source of the signal, Shepard’s eyes roamed over the soon to be battlefield picking out the best defensive positions and the likely locations for enemy placement.

_Aaaannnnddd there they are. Lure the drones away. Perfect. One more shot will take the second one. Good. The rocket troopers. That hill over there. OK, not too far back or the armature will get your rear end. Good. One more rocket trooper to go, no point in moving to another cover just wait a second and he’ll come to you. There, there he is! Alright, back out slowly and line up the cannon. Damn it you missed. Alright, it’s shooting get back behind the rock. Line up another shot. Perfect. Again. Move, it’s shooting. Again. Again. Alright, it’s down. Get over to that hill right over there. Nice, you got a shot off on the go. Ease out, line it up. Good. One more. Good. No just – just stay in the Mako. The beacon is trashed there’s nothing down there. Oh for the love of… OK, happy? You checked the damn thing. Now get us out of here. Fuck, at least you aren’t checking every single planet in every damn system anymore._

Shepard stood at the galaxy map and paused to flip through some reports. _Feros. Feros. Come on. There, yes, now just send the coordinates to Joker. Come on… what, no, don’t… don’t move the map. No, go back. Damn it. Yangtze system, of course. Have to finish what you started, right? Need to go investigate Cerberus on Binthu. Admiral Kahoku is long dead, Shepard. He died shortly after you got that message. He’s dead and even if you fuck with Cerberus’ operations now, it isn’t going to change anything in the long haul. Move the map back to Feros. Virmire, even. Just. Move. It._ Jane shoved her will at Dawn, trying to grab control of Shepard’s hand and make her move the map back to Feros.

Shepard winced and pinched the bridge of her nose. She sent the coordinates for the Yangtze system to Joker and then went to go get a patch from Dr. Chakwas. These headaches were coming more and more often now. Dr. Chakwas must have scanned Shepard’s head six times in the last two weeks just to make sure there weren’t any signs of lesions.

The countless voices rose up again, pulling Jane under and drowning her in their fear, their sorrow, their anguish, and worst of all their confusion. The broken Shepards. The ones that lost too much of themselves in the battles, or couldn’t hold it together when they woke up after the Citadel and thrown together with so many other versions of themselves screaming and chaotic in the place in between. The nothingness. The void. They were the hardest to listen to, and yet the hardest for Jane to filter out. Especially when she failed at trying to push through to control Dawn’s action. It was exhausting work.

Only when Shepard was once again walking into a fight did the voices quiet. Only then were they focused, and was Jane able to take back the reins. _Binthu. With Williams and Alenko. Great fuel for their hatred. Where are we? Which one, which one? Damn these buildings always look the same. I see, rachni soldier in the containment. Commandos and technicians in here. The techs have guns, too. Lower the force field let them fight each other and then pick off the survivors. Just – just lower the force field and let them do it. OK, fine, not the most efficient way but it works too. Two more on the other side. Alright, rachni is down. On to the next building. Oh, yeah, of course, we have to make sure we grab everything out of every crate we come across. Vital, clearly. Ok, come on._

_Prothean pyramid, got to stop and check that out first, right. The next facility has turrets just like the last one. Inside it’s pretty much the same, except the containment filed will have thorian creepers. You would know what those were if you had gone to Feros already but you haven’t. Turrets down, good. Oh, you decided to drop the containment field first this time. Alright, go back in, only two stragglers. Piece of cake._

“Are those husks? They look different somehow,” Kaidan said.

Shepard stood over the corpse of one of the mutated humans, “I don’t think they are…”

“Then what are they?” Ashley asked.

“I don’t know. Scan it and let’s keep moving,” Shepard ordered.

 _Just a handful of rachni workers and a dead guy. Nothing worth letting free to fight Cerberus for you. Yeah, that’s Kahoku. Deal with him later, take out the commandos and techs. There was nothing more that we could have done for him, he didn’t tell us much of anything until it was too late for him._ Shepard lingered over the corpse; cursing and beating herself up for not getting there sooner. _We have other things that we should be doing. I forget sometimes how hard we always take losses. He shouldn’t have done this alone. Call in his position, the Alliance will pick him up and give him the funeral he deserves._

_Yeah, Nephron now. We never could miss the chance to exact revenge for Kahoku. Going to talk to Kaidan? It’s good that you were able to talk to him about your reasons for turning him down. We’ve never really done that before. Maybe it will make things easier with him later on. Maybe you can form a stronger bond with him as his friend, ‘one of the guys’ than what we ever could as his lover. **Lover. I loved him, and he loved me. Doesn’t matter what you think, Jane. He was mine and I was his. He broke my heart but we moved past it. All relationships have problems.** Shh, shh, I know. I’m sorry. I know many of us love him. Maybe he won’t look at us that way when he finds us on Horizon. Maybe. Of course, it still happened when we were actually one of the guys._

_He’s right you know, they don’t want to see what’s coming. They’re going to fight us every step of the way. Hell, even after Sovereign attacks the Citadel, and pieces of his corpse litter the station; they’ll deny he was a reaper. Geth technology, they’ll say._ Jane listened idly, saving her strength for when it might actually matter.

_That Vyrnnus sounds like a major ass. I’m glad Alenko killed the son-of-a-bitch. Otherwise, we’d be tempted to hunt him down ourselves. It wasn’t easy for him though, look at that all these years later and it’s still a sore spot for him. He did the right thing._

Hours later, when Shepard had finally given in to the exhaustion that had been tugging at her, she fell into her bed. _Finished your reports. Sleep now, Dawn. I’ll tell you a story._

Shepard tossed and turned in her bed, the dim lights coming from her console creating shadows along her curves. The blankets had long been discarded and lay in a heap at the foot of the bed. Her hands gripped a pillow tightly, as if squeezing the life out of it. Her lips moved but made no sound.

A little boy was hiding in the air ducts, too scared to reach out and take Shepard’s hand. “You can’t help me,” the boy said. Anderson called to him from the doorway. He turned his head to look at Anderson and when he looked back the little boy had disappeared into the ducts. Tali removed her mask, knowing it would make her sick, just so she could look out over Rannoch. Captain Kirrahe stood on the beach in front of his men, “You all know the mission and what is at stake.” _Dawn, can you hear me? Am I getting through? Listen, gods please remember this. Stop fighting me, Dawn. I can help you. This isn’t the first time we’ve gone through this. We’ve lived it all so many times. We need you to help us stop this._ She was enjoying dinner with Joker at a fancy sushi restaurant when a woman in Alliance blues rushed to her table, “Commander Shepard, I’m Staff Analyst Maya Brooks. Alliance – excuse me,” she snapped a salute, “Alliance Intelligence. There are people trying to kill you.” **_Don’t trust her. Don’t trust her, she’s Cerberus._** _Shhh! Now is really not the time. Dawn, listen, I don’t know what is happening or why, but we have to figure out a way to stop this otherwise when you die on the Citadel, you’ll just wake up again here with us and we’ll have to start all over again._ The Normandy was in flames, pieces were breaking away and floating off into space. Shepard grabbed a hold of Joker and forced him to the escape shuttles. A piece of debris hit Shepard and knocked her away from the shuttle. She reached out, grabbing on to a wall to anchor her. The ship was still under attack. She couldn’t get back to the shuttle. She had to get Joker out of there. She slammed her hand against the shuttle release, losing her grip on the wall and began to float away. Another blast knocked her further back there was nothing to grab a hold of now; nothing to save her as she floated away into space. Her suit ruptured and she couldn’t breathe. Her hands grabbed at her throat as her body flailed. She was losing consciousness. She was dying.

Shepard bolted upright in her bed, her chest heaving as she sucked in deep breath after deep breath. She was drenched in sweat. Her eyes darted across the cabin in a desperate need to reassure herself that she wasn’t floating off into space dying. The skin around her neck burned. She jumped out of the bed and turned on the lights. Still shaking, she scrambled for her mirror. Her neck and collarbone were covered in scratches. She had been dying. It felt so real. She could still remember every second of it, and it wasn’t going away.

_I’m sorry, Dawn. I’m so sorry._

Shepard’s head jerked up and her eyes darted around the room. She heard something. Someone said her name. Where? There was no one else in the room.

_Dawn? Can you hear me?_

Shepard turned back to the mirror, and traced the scratches with her fingertips. Tears started to well up in her eyes. She collapsed in the chair next to her and let the tears flow. Heavy sobs wracked her body, making it difficult to stay upright so she let her body slide down to the cabin floor and curled up in a fetal position.

_Oh gods, I’m so sorry._

**_Is she broken? Did we break her?_ **

_No, she’s not broken. She just needs to have this moment._

An hour later Shepard drug herself up off the floor and hit the showers. She wouldn’t be able to hide the scratches so she went to Dr. Chakwas. Thankfully, Dr. Chakwas already knew that Shepard was prone to nightmares of Mindoir and Akuze so she didn’t question Shepard’s explanation. Jane and the myriad of others remained mostly quiet until Shepard arrived on Nehpron. Once Shepard arrived at the Cerberus facility with Ashley and Kaidan, Jane began her guidance again.

_Snipers and anti-tank infantry out front. Don’t let them get a lock on you. That ridge just over there will provide you with enough cover to take them out. OK, good. You’ll be clear when you first go in the building. All of their forces will be in one room, and they’ll try to converge on your location when you open the door. You’ll have some cover right away, but they’ll be able to flank you so watch your six._

_They’re all down. There’s a door at the back of the room. It’ll lead to a hall with a door at the left and right. The door at the right is the barracks; there will be lots of weapons for you to take. The door to the left will have several terminals. One of them will have files but you’ll have to move quickly because it’s programed to wipe itself clean. This isn’t really the end of Cerberus, I’m sorry to say. You’ll see more of them than your worst imaginings before this is all over. I doubt this was even a dent in their armor, but I hope it brought you some peace. I’m so sorry._

Back at the galaxy map, Shepard entered the coordinates for the Amazon system. She wanted to make sure that Cerberus wasn’t set up there as well since they had been found in the two other systems of the Voyager cluster. _Cerberus isn’t there, but Hackett will call you with a mission once you hit the Amazon cluster. I’m not going to push you, Dawn. Not today. Maybe you’ll be ready to go to Feros after we stop Haliat._

Shepard spent a quiet hour in her cabin trying to fill out reports but found that when she was alone in the quiet her mind filled with the terrors of the dream she had the night before. She pushed away her laptop and after a few fitful minutes of pacing decided she needed coffee. Most of her team was gathered in the mess hall eating dinner. Shepard hadn’t even thought about food. She made herself some coffee and grabbed a tray. She knew she needed to eat even if she didn’t feel hungry. She slid into the seat across from Liara and returned the asari’s soft smile. Shepard ate in silence as her crew talked around her. When she was finished, she cleared her tray and returned to her cabin. It was early still, but she was tired. She turned out the lights and folded her clothes in the darkness before slipping into her bed.

“What’s happening to me?” Shepard whispered to the darkness as her eyelids fluttered closed.

_I can’t keep the dreams from happening, but I can try to make them pleasant for at least one night._

Shepard was already asleep but her mouth uttered the words, “Thank you.”

Shepard was in his cabin playing chess with a brunette woman in Alliance casual dress. _Samantha Traynor._ Shepard was trying not to laugh as Joker’s seat spun around on its own. “Very funny, EDI. Real original. Stop it,” Joker said to the circular hologram that represented the ship’s AI. “You did insist on manual control, Mr. Moreau,” the feminine voice of the AI said. Liara stood in front of Shepard, “I have never been more sure of anything in my life. Will you join with me, Shepard? Let our bodies and minds unite.” Shepard smiled, “I thought you’d never ask.” Liara’s hand caressed Shepard’s face before she grabbed her and pulled her in close, pressing her lips against Shepard’s mouth. “I am the very model of a scientist salarian, I’ve studied species turian, asari, and batarian,” Mordin threw his arms out as he sang. _Oh, good, you remember his name._ Garrus and Shepard stood at the top of the Presidium, a place they were not supposed to be. Garrus threw a bottle into the air as Shepard took aim with the sniper rifle and fired. “Nobody alive maybe but technically…” _wait no, sorry, hold on let’s skip that part._ “Yeah, well, next time we’ll throw in a herd of rampaging klixen. That’s how you separate the rookies from the pros,” Garrus said.

Shepard was slowly roused from her peaceful sleep by the sound of Joker’s voice over the comm.

“ETA one hour, Commander,” Joker said.

Shepard yawned and stretched, “Thanks, Joker.”

_You’re smiling. That’s good. Very good._

Shepard got dressed and grabbed a quick breakfast before making her way to the galaxy map to look over the information for the system they were entering. A call came through from Hackett asking Shepard to check on a probe that was sent out during the First Contact War. The Alliance sent out several espionage probes and they just got a surprising ‘mission complete’ ping from one of them. They had thought the probe lost, but it needed to be recovered because it had a bomb built in and if anyone else found that probe it could cause serious trouble. He said the probe’s signal was coming from the Amazon system and the Normandy was the only ship that could get in and out undetected. Shepard agreed to find the probe since she was already at the Amazon system anyway.

They picked the signal up coming from a planet called Agebinium. It didn’t take them long to track the signal to a mine shaft. How could a probe have gotten in a closed off mine if not put there deliberately?

_It couldn’t have. It’s a trap. You know it’s a trap. Even when you try to hope for the best._

The room stopped shaking and a holographic image of a man appeared over the probe.

“Shepard, at last,” he said.

“You have me at a disadvantage,” Shepard said.

“My name is Elanos Haliat,” he said. “I doubt you know it. Who do you think runs the Terminus Clans, Shepard? Hm? Thousands of pirates, slavers, criminals of every stripe?”

“In most criminal organizations, it’s the one who’s recognized as the most successful,” Shepard responded

“That’s correct. The one who kills the most men. Seizes the most ships. Pillages the most colonies,” Haliat said. “Three years ago, I was the strongest. I used my influence to assemble a fleet. We would drive your kind out of the Verge.”

 “You’re the one behind the attack on Elysium!” Shepard growled.

“I was the motivator. The instigator. The one who promised glory and riches for sacking the largest human colony in the cluster,” Haliat said. “The one blamed when it failed. I was ruined when your kind held against the Blitz. What better way to recover my reputation than by eliminating the first human Spectre?”

_He’s going to activate the bomb, Shepard. You’re only going to have ten seconds to diffuse it. You’ve got to stay calm and work fast. There are three access points on the device; you’ll have to disable all three to keep the bomb from going off._

Help me. Oh gods, I don’t know what is happening to me but help me please, Shepard thought desperately. _Gladly._ And then, just as it happened on the Citadel, Shepard’s hands seemed to move of their own will. Her fingers flew across the access point, expertly cutting the right wires before moving on to the next two to do the same. The countdown timer stopped at three seconds. Shepard let herself fall from her crouched position to sit on the hard floor of the mine, her knees bent and her face in her hands.

 _You let me in! **She let us in. She let us in.**_ A handful of voices picked up the elated chorus. **_Can she hear us now? Is she going to save us now? Is it all going to be over with now?_** _Shhh. Dawn, can you hear me? Dawn?_

Shepard started to laugh, quietly at first but then it grew until it was echoing back to her in the cavernous chamber. Tali looked at Garrus and he shrugged in response.

“Ah, Shepard?” Garrus said.

“Are you alright, Commander?” Tali asked.

Shepard flopped backwards lying flat on the floor. She looked up at her squad and continued to laugh. Their worried looks eventually sobered her up and she rolled over to stand.

“Definitely going crazy, but damn it if it isn’t keeping us alive,” Shepard said. “Come on, let’s get out of here and find that son-of-a-bitch.”

“Right behind you, Shepard,” Garrus said.

_Damn. Damn. Damn._

Getting back out was far simpler than anticipated. The door that was locked when they first entered was now open. Following it led them back outside. Just over the edge of the cliff Shepard could see people moving around.

“That asshole stole my Mako,” Shepard said spotting the familiar vehicle in the new location.

Shepard crept down the slope and ran for the Mako. Just as she was getting in, Haliat and his men spotted her and started taking shots. They were too late, though. Her team piled into the Mako and Garrus was on the guns before the doors were even closed. Shepard took extreme pleasure in seeing the cannons decimate Haliat’s little camp before calling the Normandy for a pickup.


	14. Chapter 13: Sanctuary

**Chapter 13: Sanctuary**

            Shepard tried to ignore the worried looks that Tali and Garrus were passing back and forth to one another as they waited for the Normandy to come into view. She felt exhilarated. She was going crazy, but it that was alright because it was keeping her and her team alive. So what if the prothean beacon had scrambled her brains, made her see things that weren’t really there. She’d deal with the hallucinations so long as it meant not having a bomb explode in her face.

            The Normandy came over the rise and was lowered down enough to pull the Mako back into the cargo bay. With the Mako secure, her team piled out of the vehicle and Shepard took a moment to clap them both on the arm in silent acknowledgement of a job well done. Shepard made her way upstairs to unload her weapons. With the fight over she could feel the fatigue setting into her muscles, her fingers fumbled with the clasps on her shoulders as she tried to remove her armor. Kaidan was there, gently brushing her hands out of the way and handing her a cold beer before his fingers deftly opened the clasps and helped her out of her armor. Shepard grunted in acknowledgment before taking a long pull from the cold bottle. She pulled the bottle away from her lips and eyed the bright red maple leaf on the corner of the label.

            “Thanks,” she said setting the bottle down on top of her locker.

            “Anytime, Commander,” Kaidan said as he leaned against the wall.

            Shepard shoved the armor into the locker knowing that it needed cleaning but she would get to that later. After she’d showered and ate. Kaidan raised an eyebrow at the blood smears still drying on the chest plate as she tossed it in the locker.

            “I know, I know. I’ll clean it later, I swear,” Shepard said grabbing the bottle of beer and taking another drink.

            Kaidan chuckled, “Yes, ma’am. So, there was no explosion that I saw from up here. I guess that means you took care of things down there?”

            “Kaidan! I’m shocked. You doubted me?” Shepard teased.

            “No, ma’am. Never,” Kaidan smiled.

            Shepard closed her eyes as she tilted her head back to take a drink and images flashed through her mind. She was standing on a planet surrounded by prefab buildings, a colony it must be. Crates were scattered about an open courtyard and in the middle stood a platform with a console. Shepard was tired, chest heaving with a battle just won. Garrus stood beside her, his face badly scarred. A human woman wearing a skin tight jumpsuit; white and black with an orange and black diamond shaped symbol emblazoned above her left breast stood to her other side. Kaidan stood in front of Shepard, his image flickered and suddenly he was Ashley. It flickered again and was Kaidan once more. He was older; the fine lines around his eyes had deepened. Those same lines became sharp and deep when his lip curled up in disgust. It was Ashley again, and she took slow, warry steps away from Shepard as her eyes moved from Shepard to her team and back, “You’re with Cerberus now?” Kaidan once more, “Garrus, too?” Kaidan’s voice was deep and rough as his eyes narrowed, “I can’t believe the reports were right.”

            Shepard coughed, choking on the thick foamy beer half way down her throat. Kaidan pushed himself from the wall and pounded a hand against her back.

            “Commander? You alright? You’re supposed to swallow it, you know, not breathe it,” Kaidan said.

            Shepard ran the back of her hand across her lips, her eyes locked on to Kaidan. Slowly she dropped her hand, aware that every ounce of the elation she had been feeling was now gone. Humor danced in his eyes, not anger and not disdain.

            Shepard cleared her throat, “Well, now you tell me, Lieutenant,” she shoved the bottle towards his chest, “Here, you finish it. I don’t want a beer I can’t breathe.”

            Kaidan chuckled as he accepted the half empty bottle from Shepard and put it to his lips.

            “So what now, Commander?” Kaidan asked.

            “Now we go to Feros,” Shepard started to turn away from him.

            “Hmmm. Feros,” Kaidan nodded before taking another drink.

            Shepard clapped him on the shoulder and headed for the CIC. No more hesitation. No more running and being afraid. Damn it if she was going crazy, she was going to take every advantage it had to offer and go down fighting Saren, not herself. She pulled the galaxy map into focus and locked on to Feros. Her fingers sure as they glided over the console, locking in the coordinates for Joker. _Finally, thank you._

            She made her way to her cabin to dig out some clean clothes before heading to the showers. The hot water soothed away her aches and the steam cleared the scent of blood, burning flesh, and Canadian beer from her nostrils. Shepard lifted her face to water, letting the stinging droplets pelt the sensitive skin before running her hands across her face. For the first time in days she felt calm. She felt in control of herself. Even if she was having strange hallucinations and terrifying dreams; she knew that she could handle this. She was Commander Shepard. Spectre Shepard. She had this.

            Ten minutes later and Shepard was exiting the shower, the scents of olive oil and cherry blossom lingered in the air and followed her out of the room. She rubbed the towel wrapped around her neck over her hair once more before running a comb though the black mass of tangles. She ditched the towel in the laundry chute before heading to the med bay.

            Dr. Chakwas and Liara were standing together comparing notes when Shepard entered. They both looked up and smiled at Shepard. Liara started to leave but Shepard waved to her, asking her to stay. Shepard moved over to one of the cots and pulled herself up on it, her feet dangling over the edge.

            “Might as well stay for this, Liara,” Shepard said. “I had another… event, down on Agebinium.”

            Liara’s eyes grew with excitement as she came to stand by Shepard’s side. Dr. Chakwas moved forward, opening the scanner on her omni-tool and waved it over Shepard as she started asking her questions.

            “What kind of event?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

            “Like on the Citadel with the AI,” Shepard said and then to clarify it for Liara, “It was like my hands had a mind of their own. Knew exactly where they needed to go; exactly what they needed to do to diffuse the bomb.”

            “I see. What happened just before the… event?” Dr. Chakwas said.

            Liara was opening a file on a datapad, her fingers poised over the screen to take notes, “Ah. Shepard, would you mind if I recorded your story. I can take notes if you prefer, but it would make things far easier if I had a recording to refer back to later.”

            Shepard nodded to Liara and waited while the asari tapped a few buttons on the datapad’s screen before nodding to indicate she was ready.

            “Well, we found the probe’s signal coming from a mine. Obviously, the beacon didn’t crash in a mine and was moved there. Anyway, we went in and after we got to the room with the beacon we heard an explosion and the mine shook. When we got near the probe a hologram of a man called Elanos Haliat popped up and he did the whole ‘I’m an evil villain and here is my plan’ spiel,” Shepard said waving her hand around in circles, “Then he was gone and the probe was set to detonate in ten seconds time.”

            Shepard looked up to see Dr. Chakwas staring at her unblinking, her mouth a tight line across her face.

            “What?” Shepard asked.

            “I’m just trying to understand how it is you have come to be so blasé about this, Commander. When this first started, you were, dare I say, terrified,” Dr. Chakwas said.

            Shepard shrugged, “I’m adapting. It’s what I do.”

            Dr. Chakwas made a rude hmph sound keeping her eyes on Shepard.

            “Besides… you two don’t seem to be too worried about it all and you’re not declaring me unfit for duty so…,” Shepard said.

            “Is that what you were afraid of, Commander? That I’d declare you unfit?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

            “Well, yeah, that was a big part of it. Plus the whole, you know, wondering if I was losing it,” Shepard said.

            “What happened next, Commander?” Liara’s voice cut through the intense staring match between Shepard and Dr. Chakwas.

            Shepard cleared her throat and turned her head to Liara, “I, uh – I asked for help.”

            “You asked who for help, Commander?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

            Shepard turned back to her and said, “The – ah beacon, I guess,” Shepard lifted a shoulder, “I thought it, asked it for help in my thoughts. And it did.”

            Shepard swallowed against the lump rising in her throat; she could feel a sense of panic setting in. Maybe she had made a horrible mistake by coming to them with this. Maybe she should have kept it to herself. Oh gods, why was Dr. Chakwas looking at her like that. _Calm down, Dawn. Be still. This is all so new. I’ve never… We’ve never done any of this before, but we know Dr. Chakwas. We know her and she isn’t going to turn on you. Just be still. Keep your shit together and don’t give her a reason to doubt her own judgement._ Shepard swallowed again and kept her gaze on Dr. Chakwas, her head held high. She had this.

            “Shepard! This is amazing! If I understand what you are saying, you were able to interact with and guide the prothean data to your advantage,” Liara exclaimed.

            Shepard lifted a corner of her mouth at Liara’s exuberance.

            “And tell us again, Commander, how the beacon helped you,” Dr. Chakwas said with her eyes on her omni-tool.

            “Uh, well… It was like suddenly being in the passenger seat instead of being the driver,” Shepard rushed to elaborate, “But, I mean, it’s not like I couldn’t still reach over and grab the wheel if I needed to. I watched as my hands reached out for the access point on the probe, slipped the cover away, fished out a wire and cut it before moving on to the next access point. There was no doubt; it was all fast and sure. Like it knew exactly what it was doing; like it had done it a thousand times before.”

            _At least a thousand times before._

            “This is… this is truly, truly amazing,” Liara mumbled to herself.

            “And how did you feel while this was happening, Commander? After the Citadel, when we spoke, you seemed deeply disturbed by the event,” Dr. Chakwas said.

            Shepard chuckled, “I uh, I was relieved and… intrigued. When it was done, I laughed.”

            “You laughed?” Dr. Chakwas said.

            “Yeah, I mean… we didn’t die. There was nothing… I had no ability to handle that bomb on my own. I brought Garrus and Tali with me because they’re better with tech than the others, but still… we should’ve been dead by all rights. That bomb should have gone off while we were trapped in that mine but it didn’t,” Shepard said.

            The panic started to rise in Shepard again but dissolved into nothingness when Dr. Chakwas smiled at her.

            “Well, I tell you what, Commander. I think I would have needed fresh underwear after that myself,” Dr. Chakwas said with a chuckle.

            Shepard and Dr. Chakwas laughed, and soon Liara’s hesitant chuckle could be heard joining theirs.

            “Well, then. My scans are still showing nothing abnormal so physically, you are fine. You seem to be adjusting to the psychological changes that have been brought on by the beacon and are handling these events – as you call them – well enough. Unless you start to behave erratically, I have no reason at all to think that you are not fully capable of handling this. I have faith in you, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas said.

            Shepard breathed a sigh of relief and slid down off the bed.

            “Thank you, Dr. Chakwas. I appreciate hearing that,” Shepard squeezed the doctor’s shoulder. “I am beginning to wonder, however, if we shouldn’t make some sort of statement of sorts to the rest of the crew. I think my laughing fit worried Tali and Garrus. I’ve been hesitant to talk about any of this with anyone else.”

            Liara smiled, “I am sure that it would soothe many concerns, Commander. However, you should not feel pressed to share anything that you are not comfortable sharing. I believe that you have the full support of everyone on this ship.”

            “Thanks, Liara. Both of you. If you wouldn’t mind, though, I think I’ll call a meeting and I’d like the both of you there to help answer questions,” Shepard said.

            “Of course, Commander,” both women responded in unison.

            Shepard left the med bay and made her way to the debriefing room. She hit the comm button and waited until she could hear Joker’s breathing on the other side.

            “Joker, please call everyone into the debriefing room and I’d like it if you came as well, please,” Shepard asked.

            “Aw, c’mon Commander, are you really going to make me hobble my way to the debrief room? What if I break something? Can’t I just, you know, leave the comm open or something?” Joker grumbled.

             “Fine, fine. Whatever. Just get everyone up here,” Shepard relented with a sigh.

            “Aye, aye, Commander.” Joker said.

            Shepard paced the floor while the room slowly started to fill. Dr. Chakwas and Liara were there before anyone else both carrying datapads and offering Shepard encouraging smiles. She tried to smile back but her nerves were on edge. She pinched at her lower lip as she thought about exactly what she wanted to say. When the room was full, and everyone was seated Shepard leaned against the wall instead of taking her chair in the circle of her crew. She took a deep breath and began.

            “You all have heard about my experience with the beacon on Eden Prime,” she hesitated as her eyes scanned over the group. “You know about the visions that the beacon somehow transferred to me.”

            Her eyes looked over the group again. Most of them looked inquisitive. Dr. Chakwas and Liara smiled and gave slight nods. Wrex looked bored.

            “Uh, Commander? Well if no one else is going to say it: what’s your point?” Joker’s voice came through over the comm.

            “Joker!” Dr. Chakwas chided.

            Shepard cleared her throat and pushed herself away from the wall, ignoring Joker’s jibe. She paced a few steps before looking back to her crew.

            “There have been some other things. That I’ve experienced. Aside from the visions, I mean,” Shepard said.

            Ashley squirmed in her seat, “Well, like what other things, ma’am?”

            Shepard rubbed her forehead. Why did she think this was a good idea? _I have no clue, but you’re hear now so sink or swim, Dawn. Sink or swim._

            “Uh, headaches… and um,” Shepard shrugged and looked at Dr. Chakwas.

            Dr. Chakwas stood and moved over to Shepard, placing a supportive hand on her back before addressing the room, “Commander Shepard has been experiencing moments of inexplicable clarity wherein she finds herself able to do things – such as diffuse complex bombs – without any prior experience with such tasks,” she glanced at Tali and Garrus, “Or finds that she simply knows the layout of an area she has never been to. She has also described a sense of foresight before and during battles; knowing when and where she is going to face enemies.”

            Everyone was leaning forward in their seats now, all eyes were on Shepard. Unwavering, prying.

            “This was a bad idea,” Shepard mumbled.

            Liara cleared her throat, “If I may? My research on the protheans has not provided me with significant insight into how the beacons work, or what precisely they are capable of – however, I believe that everything that Commander Shepard has described has a basis in my understanding of the protheans. Of course, Dr. Chakwas and I have been monitoring Shepard’s condition and I have been continuing my research. We do not feel that there is any cause to be alarmed.”

            The silence weighed heavily on Shepard. She had her head down, studying the scuffs on her boots when Joker’s voice broke the silence.

            “So, uh, basically you’re telling us that the beacon gave Shepard super psychic powers?” Joker said.

            Liara squirmed and looked up at the camera, “No, that is not…”

            “Because you know, if that’s the case, I’m thinking we should swing by Earth and pick up a few lottery tickets, Commander,” Joker said.

            Shepard couldn’t help the grin that spread across her lips as she glanced up at the camera, “I don’t think it works that way, Joker, but if it changes you’ll be the first to know.”

            “If any of you have any concerns, or questions, Shepard has given Dr. T’soni and myself permission to explain anything that we can to you,” Dr. Chakwas said.

            Garrus raised a hand into the air as he sat back in the chair.

            “Garrus, you don’t... gods, you don’t need to raise your hand,” Shepard said

            Joker chuckled over the comm.

            Garrus grinned and said, “Oh, I just wanted to know if I could be the one to use the next beacon we find? I wouldn’t mind super psychic powers of my own.”

            “Garrus, the Commander has shown remarkable…” Liara began.

            “I don’t think so, turian. The next beacon is mine,” Wrex said crossing his arms.

            “Oh, no, I do not think that…” Liara tried again.

            “Imagine what I could contribute to the flotilla,” Tali said.

            “You guys can’t be serious?” Ashley said.

            “I really think that it is best if we…” Liara spoke.

            “We don’t even know what this thing did to her, not really. It could be causing all sorts of problems. Tearing her up inside. It’s a miracle she survived,” Kaidan’s voice of reason broke through the chaos, silencing the room.

            “Again, I assure you all that Commander Shepard’s condition is being monitored and we have found no signs of physical damage of any sort,” Dr. Chakwas said to the room.

            “But she said she’s been getting headaches. And I… I’ve heard her wake up in the middle of the night screaming,” Kaidan said avoiding Shepard’s eyes. “Sorry, Commander.”

            Shepard sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “No, Kaidan, it’s alright. Yes, I have been having more frequent headaches and more intense nightmares but I am not a stranger to either. You all know at least something of my history… Mindoir… Akuze… those kinds of things leave a mark on a person,” she glanced over the room again, “The headaches – the nightmares, they aren’t a product of the beacon, though they may be aggravated by it. Dr. Chakwas has assured me that she sees no reason for me to be declared unfit for duty.”

            “But you think that there might still be more changes to come?” Ashley asked.

            “It is possible, yes,” Dr. Chakwas said calmly.

            “Oooohhh, what if she like, develops laser eyes or starts flying?” Joker said over the comm.

            “Joker!” Dr. Chakwas said.

            “I hardly think that is a plausible outcome. There has never been any indication that the protheans had ‘laser eyes’ or were capable of flight,” Liara said.

            “Hmmm. Liara’s right, Joker. We’re talking super psychic powers here. She’s far more likely to start reading our minds, or telling us our futures,” Garrus said mischief in his eyes.

            Shepard’s heart started thumping wildly in her chest and she knew the second Garrus caught it when the iris of his visor constricted and he narrowed his eyes. She swallowed and forced herself back to a state of calm, willing her heart to slow down once more. Garrus’ eyes stayed locked on Shepard. She could feel his burning gaze no matter where she looked.

            “Well that would be rather fascinating, I am not sure if the protheans were capable of such feats I will have to research that further,” Liara said sounding excited once more.

            “Liara, he was joking,” Shepard said.

            “Oh, yes, of course,” the blue of Liara’s cheeks darkened a hair.

            Kaidan sat back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest looking thoroughly unamused. Ashley scoffed and mimicked Kaidan’s posture.

            “So, how are you handling all of this, Commander Shepard? Are you OK? I mean, really OK?” Tali asked.

            Wrex snorted, “You’re kidding. You’ve seen this human on the battle field. She’s tough, not as tough as a krogan, but damn tough. Of course she’s OK.”

            Shepard forced a smile and tried not to let her eyes stray to Garrus, “Thank you, Tali for asking. I can’t say that it wasn’t alarming, when it all started happening but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Listen, I don’t want you guys to be worried about this, alright? I chose to tell you because I didn’t want to keep things from you and I wanted to help assuage any concerns that you might have had. I know a few of you have noticed some strange… behaviors from me and I just wanted to make sure you all knew that your Commander had this under control. Alright? I’ve got this.”

            No one said anything else so Shepard said, “Dismissed.”

            Garrus was the last of the crew to leave his seat. He stayed there, watching Shepard as everyone else left. Finally he stood and walked past Shepard only to stop and turn towards her back; his own back to the camera in the room. He was close enough she could feel the heat from his body soaking into her own. He lowered his head so that it was near her ear. Her breath caught in her throat as she was overcome with his scent. She held her ground when she heard him breathe in deeply before his warm breath washed over her ear. It sent shivers down her spine and she was struck with the desire to turn and nuzzle her face in his neck. She didn’t have time to question the bizarre thought before he spoke softly.

            “Liar,” he whispered.

            Shepard crossed her arms and shifted her weight, “We’ll talk later, Garrus.”

            “Hmmm,” he hummed in her ear before leaving her alone in the room.

            “Uh, Commander, what was that?” Joker’s voice came over the comm.

            Shepard turned to look at the camera, “That was Garrus trying to bribe me to let him use the next beacon.”

            “Uh huh. ‘Cause it looked a lot more like your turian friend was whispering sweet nothings into your ear,” Joker said.

            “Can it, Joker,” Shepard said.

            “Just sayin’…” Joker said.

            Shepard left the room shaking her head in dismay. She made her way to the mess hall and found that it wasn’t nearly as empty as she had hoped. In fact, the only two from the meeting that weren’t accounted for in the mess were Liara and Dr. Chakwas. Tali sat at a table across from Wrex chatting away while Wrex watched her animated hands with his giant red orbs. Kaidan and Ashley sat across from one another at the other end of the table, whispering to one another as they ate. Garrus leaned against the counter, his eyes already on Shepard as he picked at his plate next to him. The room grew quiet and Shepard realized that everyone had stopped to watch her. She groaned inwardly and moved to pour herself some coffee before grabbing a tray and moving to sit down between Wrex and Ashley. A few seconds later and Garrus was sliding into the seat across from her. Shepard groaned inwardly before shooting him a warning glance.

            “Soooo. No laser eyes?” Garrus drawled.

            Shepard grinned, “No laser eyes.”

            “Damn,” Garrus said.

            The tension in the room eased and everyone began talking and eating again. Shepard glanced around the table and was overcome with a since of gratitude for each of those there with her. For accepting her. For not leaving her. Kaidan moved down the bench closer to Garrus and looked across at Shepard.

            “Commander, I… I just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry about Eden Prime. If I hadn’t gotten so close to that beacon, you wouldn’t have had to pull my ass away from it. You wouldn’t have been near it when it… went off,” Kaidan said.

            “Don’t worry about it, Kaidan. I’m fine, really,” Shepard said.

            “I know. I believe you… I’m just sorry,” Kaidan said.

            “Come on Kaidan, you’re not just a little bit jealous that Shepard got the super psychic powers and you didn’t?” Garrus teased.

            “What? No, I…,” Kaidan’s eyebrows shot up.

            Shepard barked out a laugh, tossing her head back to the ceiling at the look on Kaidan’s face. She could hear the low chuckle from Wrex down the table. Ashley slid down closer to Shepard. A moment later Wrex and Tali had moved closer, too.

            “Come on, LT. Stop with the apologizing already. Shepard said she has this. So, she has this,” Ashley said.

            Shepard wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

            “Thanks, Chief,” Shepard said.

            “Anytime, ma’am,” Ashley said.

            Kaidan managed a soft chuckle himself, ending that conversation. _So different than anything we’ve had with them so far. How are you doing this? Bringing them all together like this?_

            “So where are we going now, Commander?” Ashley asked.

            “Feros,” she said, “Which reminds me. Wrex, I’m taking you with me for muscle. The damage done to the colony is unknown; we might need to strong arm our way through areas of debris. Tali, I’m taking you as well since we are most likely to be facing strong geth forces.”

            “Sure, Shepard. I’ll do your heavy lifting, so long as I get to shoot something,” Wrex said.

            Tali nodded, “Of course, Shepard.”

            Soon after the table cleared as the others finished their meals and returned to their station leaving Shepard to sip at her coffee as she watched Garrus over the top of her cup. Finally she lowered the mug and glanced over her shoulder, making sure that no one else was within earshot.

            “Alright, go ahead,” Shepard said.

            “You’re not telling us everything,” Garrus stated.

            Shepard watched him for a quiet moment, his stare was unwavering, “No, I’m not. Nor should I be expected to, some things are personal.”

            “Hmmm. But you’re going to tell me,” Garrus said.

            “And why’s that?” Shepard raised a brow.

            “Because you want to,” Garrus said.

            “Says who?” Shepard asked.

            Garrus took in another deep breath and opened his mouth to let the smells roll over his tongue, “Your scent.”

            “Ah ha! You have been sniffing me! What the hell, Garrus?” Shepard asked leaning forward.

            “I… I have not been sniffing you,” Garrus said.

            “Yes you have. Now who’s the liar?” Shepard asked.

            Garrus chuffed but kept his eyes on Shepard.

            “So, what else is my scent telling you, then?” Shepard asked.

            The plates above Garrus’ eye shifted, “Right now? That you’ve showered recently. You smell less like battle and more like that flowery stuff you use to wash yourself with,” he paused to take in another deep breath, “That you’re nervous. And based on your pheromone level…”

            Shepard choked on her coffee, “Uh uh, stop right there, Vakarian. Alright, alright, I’ll talk.”

            Garrus chuckled, his mandibles fluttering, “Good. That was going to be awkward.”

            “Going to be?” Shepard scoffed.

            She sobered up and set the mug of dark liquid down gently on the table. She kept her eyes on the coffee and took comfort in the warmth seeping through the ceramic and into her palms.

            “There have been other things,” Shepard said quietly, “I… I haven’t even told Dr. Chakwas about them.”

            Shepard glanced up to see Garrus still watching her intently, “I’ve been getting… flashes of things. Unrelated to the visions from the beacon.”

            Garrus leaned forward and clasped his hands atop the table, “Like what?”

            “I think… I think of things that haven’t happened yet but are going to happen, or at least might happen,” Shepard said quietly.

            Garrus remained quiet, giving her the time she needed to process her thoughts before she continued.

            “There’s an asari diplomat on the Citadel, Nassana Dantius,” Shepard paused.

            Garrus nodded, “I know of her.”

            “She contacted us awhile back, wanted me to meet her to discuss a business proposition. Before we made it back to the Citadel, I uncovered some disturbing intel at a slaver camp indicating that the leader was Nassana’s sister. She had been blackmailing Nassana it would seem. Anyway, when I saw Nassana on the Citadel…,” Shepard paused to rub her hands over her face and through her hair.

            “I closed my eyes for just a second and I saw her being murdered. I saw it all in detail. It was like I was right there, standing in front of her in her office with people I’ve never even seen before but somehow I knew them. I _knew_ them. And a tile in the ceiling shifts over, and this drell drops down to the floor and before Nassana can even finish her sentence the drell has killed her three guards and has a gun shoved against her stomach. He pulls the trigger and then… he kinda just lays her down against her desk. Crossed her arms over her chest… and then started praying,” The words rushed out of her mouth and she let them, allowing the momentum of her speech keep her from changing her mind.

            She felt relief wash over her after having shared this burden with someone, and yet that familiar fear of judgement, or being rejected slowly crept in to fill its place. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Garrus. Couldn’t bear to see that in his eyes. _Look at him. Look. At. Him. He isn’t rejecting you. Garrus would never reject you._ Garrus remained quiet until Shepard slowly lifted her eyes to him.

            “Hmmm. I can see why you keep telling yourself you’re going crazy,” Garrus said.

            Shepard’s jaw fell open and her eyes took on a wild look. Garrus’ mandibles fluttered slightly.

            “Hey, I’m not saying that I think you’re crazy,” he said starting to reach across the table but stopping half way, “I just get it now why you’ve been saying it. I think I’d feel the same way,” he made a circular waving motion with his hand instead, “With all of this. But trust me, Shepard. All my years in C-Sec… I’ve seen crazy. You are not crazy.”

            Tears began to well up in Shepard’s eyes and her shoulders started to tremble.

            “Hey, no, no. Don’t do that thing. I hate it when human’s make water come out of their eyes. It’s so weird. The asari do it too, spirits it’s disturbing,” Garrus said.

            Shepard laughed but the tears continued to fall. She hid her face in the palms of her hands and heard Garrus move to sit beside her. She could feel his hesitation.

            “Don’t break my wrist for this, OK?” he asked before gently spreading his thick fingers out across her back.

            When she didn’t shirk his hand away or grab for his wrist, Garrus began to gently rub his palm across her shoulder blades.

            “Am I doing this right?” Garrus asked.

            Shepard snorted in between sobs but nodded her head. They sat like that for a few quiet moments until Shepard looked up and wiped the last of the tears from her face.

            “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

            Garrus scoffed, “Well you should be. Spirits woman, that flowery stuff reeks and now I’m going to smell like it, too.”

            Shepard’s shoulders shook with laughter causing Garrus’ hand to slide down her back until it was cupping her waist. Her heart fluttered and she grew very still. Garrus, on the other hand quickly pulled away. She felt oddly disappointed.

            He cleared his throat, “Your, ah, your hair smells nice though.”

            “It’s olive oil shampoo,” Shepard mumbled as the heat swept up her face.

            “Huh. Hmm. Very pleasant. I uh, I should get back down to the ah... the ah, cargo bay and fix up the Mako,” he said as he removed his long limbs from beneath the table.

            “Yeah, I should go, too. I’ve got reports and all… but, uh,” Shepard paused and looked up at the swiftly retreating turian.

            “Thank you, Garrus,” she said.

            He nodded at her, “Anytime, Shepard.”

            “Well that wasn’t awkward,” Joker’s voice came over the comm.

            “Joker!” Shepard said.

            She heard him chuckle lightly before he closed the link. Shepard groaned to herself and buried her face in her hands again. She stood up and cleared away her tray, taking the plate that Garrus had left behind in his hurry to flee from her as well. She then made her way to the cockpit where she stood arms crossed and staring at the back of Joker’s head. The pilot finally caved and turned to look at her.

            “Alright, I’m sorry. I’ll stop spying on you and your turian lover boy,” Joker said.

            Shepard flopped down in the empty co-pilot’s chair, “He is _not_ my turian lover boy. Will you stop it with that already?”

            Joker raised his hands up in mock surrender, “If you say so, Commander.”

            She narrowed her eyes, “So how much of that did you hear, exactly?”

            “Just enough to know that you’re bat shit crazy and Garrus thinks you stink,” Joker said with a smirk.

            Shepard stood and started to walk away, “Screw you, Joker.”

            Joker’s hand shot out and grabbed Shepard’s wrist. She tensed up and turned to raise an eyebrow at her pilot, “Do you value that hand, Joker?”

            He let go of her and said, “Look, I’m sorry. I don’t do well with the whole interacting with other people thing. I didn’t mean it, you know? And I’m not going to go ratting you out to Chakwas. Just sit back down, OK?”

            Shepard slowly moved back to the chair and let herself sink down into the cushioned seat. She watched Joker quietly as his fingers swiped at the screen in front of him and he pushed a few buttons before turning his head to look at her.

            “You’ve been coming up here pretty much every day since you took over. At first, I thought you were just checking up on me. You know, trying to make sure that I was really able to handle the Normandy despite my Vrolik’s syndrome.”

            Shepard opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off with a raised hand.

            “Ehh ehh ehh. Hold on, I’m not finished,” Joker said.

            Shepard raised an eyebrow but stayed quiet.

            “But then I started to realize that most of the time you weren’t watching me at all. Half the time I think you forget I’m even here. Hell, you’ve dozed off sitting over there a couple of times and don’t think I didn’t see the drool all over the chair,” Joker said.

            Shepard scowled, “I do not drool.”

            “Yeah, whatever. Keep telling yourself that but those cameras there don’t lie,” Joker said pointing to one of the many cameras in the cockpit. “Look, what I’m saying is, and maybe I’m wrong, but for whatever reason that seat has become a sanctuary of sorts for you. And I get it,” he patted his own seat, “I feel the same when I’m sitting right here. I don’t want to take that away from you, Commander. Besides, I think you might be the only one on this ship that doesn’t think that I’m just some disembodied voice they hear over the comm. Kaidan hasn’t been up here since Anderson left. Probably because he’s too busy making puppy dog eyes at you. Ah, don’t give me that look, everyone has seen it. So yeah, you just sit there and stare at those stars whenever you feel like it, alright?”

            Shepard smiled, “Well, you got it half right.”

            “Oh yeah? What did I miss?” Joker asked.

            “I’m crazy enough to actually enjoy your company,” Shepard said with a smirk before turning her head to stare at the stars.        


	15. Chapter 14: Acceptance

**Chapter 14: Acceptance**

            Tali and Wrex were waiting for Shepard when she arrived at the airlock. She had spent an hour watching the stars with Joker before taking a two hour long nap in her cabin. She was still tired but it was day time on Feros even if her body was telling her it was late evening and she should be winding down for the night. She didn’t want to wait, she wanted to get down there and figure out what this colony had that Saren wanted so badly.

            Shepard double checked her weapons while they waited for the ship to equalize the pressure. She saw Wrex nod at her in approval as he did the same. The door slid open and Shepard walked out onto the concrete dock. This dock was enclosed, not giving her much of a view of the planet. She saw a man waiting for them down by the entrance and she seriously hoped that this wasn’t going to be a Noveria style greeting.

            An uneasy feeling settled in over Shepard as she watched the man; something about his body language and his halting speech felt wrong. _It’s the thorian. They all seem like that, though some more than others. The more enthralled they are, the stranger they act. Less human, and more pretend human. Doesn’t matter though, not for him anyway. He’s about to be blown up by geth._ Shepard heard the unmistakable sound of a geth’s static chatter and reached for her pistol just as a rocket lifted the man off of his fleet and flung him past her; ripping up chunks of cement to rain down on her and her team.

            “Shit!” Shepard yelled pulling her pistol the rest of the way out and pushing her back to the stone slab the man had been standing next to.

            Tali and Wrex sought cover across from her. Wrex’s shotgun rang out sending a geth trooper flying over the railing. They moved from cover to cover seeking better angles to take out the advancing rocket troopers and shock troopers, flinging them over the railings and filling them full of holes. When the smoke cleared, Shepard moved to check on the man while Tali set about scanning the geth and taking their weapons. He was a mangled mess, past saving and long dead. They started making their way towards the stairs when her scanner jammed.

            “Damn it,” Shepard mumbled before raising her pistol.

            A sapper and a stalker jumped around walls of the staircase. Wrex’s biotics and Tali’s Hacking dropped them to the ground for Shepard to finish off with her HMWP VII. The stairs were ancient and crumbling, but amazingly still structurally sound. They climbed up two flights before they caught their first glimpse of Zhu’s Hope. Colonists had taken up arms and were stationed behind barricades. Shepard was glad to see that they were level-headed enough to not take shots at her squad. She stopped at one of the barricades to talk to a blond haired woman.

            “Where’s Fai Dan?” Shepard asked.

            The woman pointed towards the back wall that enclosed the area, “Just ahead through that building right there and he’s out back on the other side.”

            “Appreciate it,” Shepard said as she made her way to the building.

            Her eyes scanned the area, taking in the desolation and the defeated look that many of the colonists had. She saw one woman working at a console next to large pipes that ran along a burning pile of rubble. Another woman crouched down in the dirt working on a generator. A man leaned against a pile of rubble, he clutched at a bandaged leg. Shepard spotted a salarian standing next to the door and almost stopped to talk to him; it was odd that he’d be here in the middle of this but she shook her head and entered the prefab. Halfway down the long hall, Shepard heard a woman’s voice coming from one of the rooms. The door was wide open so she looked in and saw an older woman lying on a cot with a man sitting in a chair next to her. Shepard knocked on the side of the open door.

            “Hello, offworlder. I’m glad that we aren’t totally forgotten by the rest of the galaxy,” the woman said turning towards the noise

The man at her side said, “Dear, please try to rest. You’re – you’re not ready to speak.”

“But they should know… unh… I mean, they are very important. Yes, that’s better,” she said.

_She’s trying to fight it, but she just isn’t strong enough._

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Shepard asked the woman after exchanging glances with Tali and Wrex.

“I am… fine. I just need to try to think clearly. It’s just a lingering pain from… from the last attack. I’ll be fine,” the woman managed to say.

“I see no major injury, but something must be causing her pain,” Tali said.

“Please, just let her rest. She just needs… rest,” the man said.

Shepard had that same sense of wrongness from these two as she had with the man outside on the docks. She eyed them warily before continuing down the hall. A man stood in the middle and Shepard nodded to him. His eyes followed her but he did not speak. Exiting the back door, she stopped to look around. A few stairs led up to a walkway that wrapped around to the left. To her right she saw a man and woman talking.

“This place is fucking creepy. Over there, must be Fai Dan,” Shepard said walking over.

“Ah, Commander. I’m glad they finally sent somebody to help us,” the man she presumed to be Fai Dan said.

He was an older man, with deep lines around his eyes and mouth. Still, time had not bent his back and had that look of authority about him. The woman standing next to him was younger, with shrewd eyes, a big gun, and a sharp tongue.

“You’re a bit late, aren’t you?” the woman asked.

“Arcelia! Sorry, Commander. Everyone’s on edge since –,” he said.

Shepard drew her pistol and began turning towards the sounds of geth.

“Watch out!” Arcelia said waving her rifle. “We’ve got geth in the tower.”

“Protect the heart of the colony!” Fai Dan yelled.

Shepard moved to cover and fired at the geth in the tower entrance. Pressing forward, her team cleared out the geth on that level before fighting their way up a flight of stairs. At the top she saw a colonist hiding behind a fallen pillar, he begged for her to save him but there wasn’t time. _There never is. He always dies._ The man took a bullet to the head and Shepard pushed forward, putting her back to a doorframe before popping out to fire her pistol. Three more geth bodies fell to the floor. She really, really liked the HMWP VII. She was going to have to remember to get Davis something shiny to say thanks for working so hard to liaison with the Spectre requisitions office on her behalf.

A hall with an elevator led off to the right. _You could just skip over all of Fai Dan’s crap and head down that hall now. Clear out all the geth, kill the varren, grab the power cells and turn on the water valves. Hell you could just get in the elevator and go to ExoGeni. Of course, you don’t even really need to do that if you aren’t worried about killing a few colonists. Just knock the lady out over by the console and move the freighter to get to the thorian._ She moves forward towards the stairs in front of her instead, following them up and taking cover next to the far wall when her scanner picks up more targets. _Of course not._ Shepard moved from wall to wall until she could shoot the troopers standing at the top of a concrete deck. Her scanners picked up several more targets just out of sight. Rushing up the sloped wall of the deck, she dove behind cover next to one of the fallen geth. Recon drones shot down on them from near the ceiling.

Shepard thought that they had them all down and watched in utter dismay as more geth plummet from the sky. She wasted no time firing at the nearest sniper while Tali and Wrex targeted the troopers. A geth dropship rose from the rooftop and flew away.

“The geth will be back. Update Fai Dan, but don’t take long. We should roll out the vehicle and find where the geth are bunkered,” Tali said.

Shepard and Wrex both grunted in response as they headed back to Zhu’s Hope.

“Tower’s clear, Fai Dan,” Shepard said before he could speak, “I need to know why the geth are here. What are they after?”

“I… we don’t know,” the man stammered.

_This conversation doesn’t usually start this way…_

“Have you seen anyone else strange around here, besides the geth? A turian perhaps?” Shepard asked.

“I, no – I don’t think so. What is this all about, Commander? I thought you were here to help us fight off the geth?” Fai Dan asked glancing over to Arcelia.

“I am, in part. I’m also here to determine what it is the geth want with Zhu’s Hope and to stop them from getting it if at all possible.” Shepard shrugged.

_Almost completely different. Where is this coming from? How are you even doing this? Time after time and it’s always gone pretty much the same way. Two or three different responses from us at the most, and these were never one of them. Every single conversation we’ve ever had since the day we woke up to go to the Normandy has been the same until you! I’m finally breaking through this time, is that what it is?_

“We don’t know what they’re after. They came, they attacked us. That’s all we know,” Fai Dan insisted. “Their main base is at the ExoGeni headquarters. A good place to start looking if you want answers.”

“ExoGeni? What’s ExoGeni doing here?” Shepard asked.

Arcelia was the one to answer, “ExoGeni funded this colony. Without them, we wouldn’t be stuck here.”

“They specialize in colonization. In return for bankrolling the colony, we work for them. Their main goal is the retrieval of valuable artifacts or resources,” said Fai Dan.

“Except there isn’t anything here. Or if there is, we didn’t find it,” Arcelia said.

Shepard nodded thoughtfully, “The elevator in the tower – that leads to the skyway?”

“Yeah, it leads directly to the ExoGeni headquarters. They’ve got at least one geth dropship over there, though. And I’ve seen walking tanks on the skyway,” Arcelia said.

“But Commander, there are still geth here in the tunnels,” Fai Dan said.

“Where?” Shepard asked.

_Don’t bother. Just go to ExoGeni so you can deal with the thorian. The geth are here to kill the thorian and you’ll take care of that for them. Granted you’ll get the cipher first, but still. They’ll leave once the thorian is dead… probably._

“Back up the way you just were but swing a right and go past the elevator,” Arcelia said.

“I’ll take care of it. There’s been a lot of damage here. What are the most pressing issues?” Shepard asked.

“There’s been a food shortage, the water isn’t running, and the power is down,” Fai Dan said. “You’ll have to talk to Davin Reynolds; he’s in charge of the food issues. Macha Doyle is in charge of the water, and May O’Connell can fill you in on what she needs to get the generators working again.”

Shepard looked over her shoulder and gestured with her head to Tali and Wrex. They broke away from her without question and went to find the three people Fai Dan named.  _We… we’ve never sent them off alone. That’s… efficient._ Shepard turned her attention back to Fai Dan and Arcelia.

“Tell me about your colony,” she said.

“Life is hard and often brutal, even without our current problems. Colonial Affairs back on Earth told us we’d be beneath the notice of any raiders. I guess they weren’t counting on the geth. But, despite everything, there’s something tranquil about this place. Unlike anything I’ve experienced before,” Fai Dan said.

“How big was the original Feros Colony?” Shepard asked.

“We were nearly a thousand at the main site. Two hundred more at my outpost. When the first wave obliterated our defenses, we fell back to Zhu’s Hope,” Fai Dan said.

“Who’s the salarian?” Shepard asked.

“Oh, that’s Ledra. He came in with supplies and got caught up in the geth attacks. You should talk to him if you need anything. Although, I’m afraid whatever food and medical equipment he brought with him has already been put to use here,” Fai Dan said.

“Alright. I’ll see what I can do to help your people before heading up to the skyway,” Shepard said before making her way to Ledra.

Fai Dan was right, the only thing Ledra still had for sell was weapons, armor, and upgrades. She traded up a few things and tried to make idle chit chat with the salarian merchant while she waited for Tali and Wrex.

“Ledra, isn’t it?” Shepard asked.

“My full name is Gorot II Heranon Mal Dinest Got Inoste Ledra. Humans usually employ surname and given name only: Inoste and Ledra in my case,” he said.

Shepard blinked, “Ledra it is.”

Ledra grinned, “If you prefer.”

“So, Ledra, how’d you end up flying supplies for a human colony?” Shepard asked.

“Ah, there is often profit to be made with young colonies,” said Ledra.

Shepard glanced over as Tali finished speaking to the woman next to the generators. Wrex soon exited the prefab and took up his station to her right.

“Well, Ledra, it was nice meeting you but we’ve got geth to go kill,” Shepard said.

“Happy hunting,” Ledra nodded.

Shepard led her team back towards the tunnels, “What did you find out?”

“There’s a rabid varren alpha that’s keeping the cowardly human male from hunting the varren in the tunnels. They should have put someone with a quad in charge of hunting,” Wrex said.

“Macha Doyle said that the water valves are located in the tunnels. It seems that the geth shut them off in an attempt to sabotage the colony. May O’Connell said that she needed power cells for the generators. I took a look at the generator and I know exactly what she needs. We should be able to find them in any of the larger vehicles or machinery they have around here, but we should look for something that no longer works so we aren’t fixing one problem by causing another,” Tali reported.

“Were you able to gather any clues as to what the geth are after?” Shepard asked.

_They’re here to destroy the thorian so it can’t give us the cipher. If you would just listen to me, you’d already know. This would all go so much smoother._

“Unfortunately, no. Every time I tried to change the subject or just make idle conversation both women started acting strangely and told me to speak with Fai Dan,” Tali said.

Shepard looked at Wrex and he nodded in agreement with Tali’s assessment.

“Something’s not right here, with these people. We stick close until we figure out what the fuck is going on here,” said Shepard.

“They don’t smell right,” said Wrex.

“They don’t seem hostile, but if that changes don’t hesitate to incapacitate. Avoiding killing when possible,” she said.

“Yes, Commander,” said Tali.

“If you insist,” Wrex said.

“I do,” Shepard responded throwing Wrex a warning look over her shoulder.

He snorted but didn’t argue.

Down the hall, past the elevator, they took the stairs leading down. Two flights in and Shepard heard a woman yell. _Geth down below at the bottom of the next flight of stairs._ She pressed her back to a pillar and looked down the stairwell past the woman’s fresh corpse to where she knew geth would be waiting. Shots rang from her companions’ weapons as she used her biotics to knock the stalker off of the wall. It fell down the shaft in between flights of stairs and hit the ground. Shepard leaned over the railing and put two more bullets in it just to be safe before turning her gun to finish off the staggered drone. They went down two more flights of stairs and through a doorway on the left, followed by an immediate right. Shepard stopped in the entryway and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and tried to open herself up to that otherness, to that newly obtained extra sense and let it guide her. _Alright, yeah. I’ll show you. This would be so much easier if you could hear my words, but I’ll take it. If this is how you can connect, I’ll make it work._

They crossed a walkway and Shepard’s focus went to the right, so she veered right. She saw nothing at first, just the narrow opening that ran along the floor into a drainage area. It looked like a dead end, just the same as the other side but she kept going. Her eyes low to the ground because that’s where they wanted to be. Just before she hit the dead end she saw the light grow brighter. An opening in the wall led down a couple of steps into a tunnel. The scanner was just starting to register enemy locations. She let her hand reach out to the right and hit a control panel for a water valve as she moved by, in the back of her mind she heard it hiss and whir as it activated. She ducked into cover, leading her team against the geth that were occupying the tunnel. The onslaught of tech, biotics, and bullets tore through the geth. The meager barriers the geth threw up did little to protect them, only slowed down the inevitable. And it was, she knew now, inevitable.

At the end of the tunnel she activated a second valve switch before following the stairs up to more walkways. Her feet urged her to a recess to the left and a door slid open before her. _Run, get to the middle fast and turn around._ Shepard rushed into the before turning back towards the entrance. Her pistol pointed up towards the top of the plateaued wall. Varren charged down the wall, ready to pounce on her team. She knew that if she turned to her left, she would see more coming at her. She shot at the ones on higher ground until Tali and Wrex were inside and had their bearings. Shepard was already charging her biotics when she spun to her left and released a blast of blue energy, using it to throw a charging varren back into the others. She trusted Tali and Wrex to cover the top while she covered the ground floor. She moved on instinct, responding to the urges given to her by the beacon or whatever it was, she still did not know. She tried not to think, but to feel instead. And damn was it working.

The varren were fast and when they died, their momentum kept them moving as their bodies slid across the slick floor to stop at her feet. She took a step back and continued to fire as more appeared out of the dark recesses. When she knew no more were coming, she turned again and leveled her gun towards the top of the rise. _One more, the alpha._ Where is it, where is it, there, Shepard thought as she saw the much bigger varren emerge from the depths; it’s crazed eyes locked on her. Her gun rang out, once, twice, three times before she heard Wrex’s assault rifle and Tali’s shotgun take up the call. The varren slumped half way down the slope before it half rolled half slid down the rest of the way to land dead at her feet. She could see slugs and festering wounds all over the creature and it made her shudder.

Shepard released a deep breath and pointed towards the burning wreckage at the top of the wall. She glanced over to see Tali and Wrex both staring at her. She couldn’t make out the meaning behind the expression on Wrex’s face and of course, Tali’s face was hidden. She had a fleeting moment of doubt before she shoved it aside and snapped her pointing fingers.

“Tali, the power cells…” Shepard said.

Tali turned to look where Shepard was pointing before holstering her gun and hiking up the ramp. A few moments later Tali came back down securing the power cells to a clip on her belt. Wrex was still standing there staring at Shepard.

“What?” she finally asked, unease creeping into her bones.

“That next beacon is definitely mine,” Wrex said.

Shepard scoffed and shook her head.

Shepard was already aiming to fire on a destroyer when she stepped into the next tunnel. The sounds of Tali and Wrex’s guns echoed her own. Tali used her Hacking to finish the destroyer before leveling her pistol at a trooper. Wrex used a biotic Lift to pin a trooper up against the ceiling while Shepard fired into its helpless form. Wrex’s assault rifle tore through the last geth. Shepard activated the final water valve on her way out of the tunnel.

Shepard spotted a man to her left. He was talking to himself and waving his hands around animatedly. _Ian. Bravest motherfucker in this place._ She lowered her gun and approached him with caution; Wrex and Tali mimicked her motions.

“You don’t want to go down there!” he said when they got close.

“What are you doing down here?” Shepard asked.

“Nothing I should be, and anything I shouldn’t,” he said. “NOOOOO!” he screamed and dropped to his knees, “That was a good one. Very intense.”

Shepard shifted her weight uneasily, sharing a look with her team.

“What’s the matter with you?” Shepard asked as the man stood back up.

“Just invoking the master’s whip. Helps remind me I’m still alive. You’re here for the geth, aren’t you? You’re not the only one interested in those… things,” he said.

“Who else is looking for the geth?” Shepard asked, her eyes automatically scanning her surroundings.

“Not looking for; looking to get rid of. There a thorn in the side of the –,” he broke off into strangled screams and grabbed at his face. “Trying to get to the –,” his body shook and doubled over as more screams of agony took a hold of him… and then he started laughing.

Shepard adjusted the grip on her HMWP VII. _He’s harmless._

“This one is no longer fit. We should leave him,” Tali said.

“Is there anything I can do to help you? Do you even want help?” Shepard asked.

“Help me? No. No one can help me now,” he wiped his hands across his face, “I would rather die fighting.”

“Fighting what?” Shepard asked.

“Not that kind of fight. It’s like running through a thorn bush. The more you struggle…,” he turned to look across the walkway, “Times up. Company’s coming. Ask Fai Dan. Ask him about the –,” he was lost to the screams once more.

Two geth troopers were creeping up behind them. Shepard and Wrex both lashed out with their biotics, tossing the two geth over the edge of the walkway to fall to the bottom of the tunnel system with a faint thud. Shepard looked back over her shoulder towards the man.

“How has he even stayed alive down here?” she asked of no one in particular.

“Maybe he’s too insane for the geth to consider him a threat, or for the varren to consider him food,” Wrex offered.

Shepard grunted before stepping down the stairs to backtrack through the tunnel. Across the walkway from where they fought the varren, her scanner jammed as she reached the door. Shepard paused to take a breath and reconnect with that otherness. She pointed her pistol up, because that’s where it wanted to be and moved slowly towards the door. _Cover, you need cover. Dawn, no, you need cover!_ The door slid open to reveal two geth snipers perched on a balcony, the slightest movement corrected the angle; the height was already perfect. She fired twice and the first sniper tumbled head first over the balcony. She moved her hand to the right and fired three times more before the second sniper joined the first.

She was getting too cocky. Her shields went down with the first shot she took, and her armor was dented with the second. It felt like a fire burning in her chest. Shepard stepped to the side of the door frame and swore under her breath until the stinging subsided and her shields started to rise again. Wrex and Tali had dispatched of the remaining geth by the time her shields were restored. _I told you, you need cover. Damn it._

“Good to know you’re still not bulletproof,” Wrex said slapping a meaty hand across her back sending her stumbling forward two steps.

Shepard heard Tali giggle in response.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. So Wrex, how many of those varren did _you_ take down?” Shepard asked as they moved forward.

Wrex snorted, “I’ve got centuries on you, Shepard. You’ll be long in your grave before you can ever come close to reaching my kill count. Hell, I’m a krogan. We live and breathe to fight and kill. You won’t even reach what I had when I was only half your age.”

“Yeah, OK. I’ve got nothing for that,” Shepard said.

Another giggle from Tali echoed off the walls of the walkway. Shepard stopped suddenly and slapped a hand out on Wrex’s chest to bring him to a halt. She signaled for them to be quiet, her ears strained to pick up a sound she thought she heard in the distance. Wrex cocked his head to the side and Shepard can tell that he is hearing the sounds she was trying to pin down.

A low growl came from Wrex, “Krogan.”

Wrex seemed to take it as a very personal affront to find more of his kin working with the geth and thus with Saren. He shoved past Shepard and made his way down the hall, not even trying to be quiet about it. Shepard motioned to Tali and the two women jogged forward to keep up with the pissed off krogan. They rounded the corner to see three krogan, one already charging forward with a shotgun leveled at Wrex. The two clashed and Wrex swung his rifle up to slam into the side of the other krogan’s head. Shepard had no choice but to stay back and out of his way, otherwise she risked shooting Wrex. She couldn’t even shoot at the two krogan at the back of the room with the pair engaged in melee right in front of her.

“Fall back, Wrex. Fall back,” Shepard ordered but the krogan didn’t hear her or he just didn’t care.

“Gods damn it, Wrex, you’re blocking my shot!” Shepard snarled.

Wrex grabbed the krogan in front of him, surrounding him with blue energy and sent him soaring through the air behind Shepard and Tali. He landed with enough force to shake the walkway. Shepard spun and took aim emptying her clip into the krogan before he could pull himself back up to his feet. She turned back around in time to see another krogan charging.

“Fall back, lure him out,” she said and this time Wrex listened.

They lured the krogan out onto the walkway, firing shot after shot into him as they moved backwards. When he fell, the third was not far behind running straight for Wrex. Shepard expected Wrex to rush forward but instead he held his ground and followed Shepard’s orders. The final krogan crashed to the floor a few feet away from where the first one lay.

Her chest was heaving as she lowered her pistol. Shepard crossed over dead krogans and ground lost in the battle to enter the room. In the far corner, tucked back in a recess was a transmitter tower. Probably something the geth were using to communicate with the others at the ExoGeni headquarters, she thought. Shepard put her pistol away and drew her shotgun, pumping rounds into the transmitter until it was not only inactive but beyond repair.

“Let’s get back to the colony,” Shepard said.

One of the krogan was starting to twitch; signs of regeneration. Wrex shot the krogan twice in the skull and kept walking. Picking off the occasional straggler, they made their way back to Zhu’s Hope. Shepard found Fai Dan right where she left him, standing around talking to Arcelia.

“We’ve cleared the geth in the tunnels and took out their transmitter. Why is there a man living down there?” Shepard asked without pause, her voice taking on a dangerous edge.

“That would be Ian. He’s very sick,” Fai Dan said.

“He seems to be more than just sick. Again, I ask, why is there a man living in the tunnels?” Shepard took a step closer to Fai Dan.

_Oh. This has really upset you. I… I guess I recall being disturbed by it before. I think we all were, but not like this. You’re actually contemplating knocking Fai Dan’s teeth down his throat for this. Interesting._

“He hasn’t been the same since the attack. We tried to help him, but he wouldn’t listen to us. I can’t help my people if they won’t listen, Commander,” Fai Dan said.

Shepard reached out and grabbed Fai Dan’s shirt, bunching the material up in her fist to pull him closer to her. Arcelia drew her gun and pointed it at Shepard. _Oh how exciting!_ Tali and Wrex pointed theirs at Arcelia. Fai Dan raised a hand, telling Arcelia to stand down.

“Try. Harder,” Shepard snarled in the man’s face before pushing him away from her in disgust.

“Yes, of course, Commander. Now that you’ve cleared the geth, I’ll send someone to try to convince Ian to comeback right away,” Fai Dan said.

Shepard watched him with cold eyes, “We’ve taken care of your other problems. You should have power up in no time, the water should already be running again, and your hunter is free to go after the varren.”

“That is wonderful news, thank you, Commander,” Fai Dan said.

Tali handed the power cells off to May before they checked with Macha to make sure the water was working again. Wrex wanted to personally tell the ‘cowardly human’ that it was safe enough for him to go hunt varren again, so they did, much to Shepard’s restrained amusement. After talking to Davin, Shepard led them back out the far door and back towards the tower. She smirked at the nasty look Arcelia gave her on the way out.

The elevator opened up to a garage where the colonists standing guard were under attack. Shepard had her pistol out and was already aiming before the doors were finished sliding open.

“So fucking tired of geth!” She grumbled as she shot the light out on one’s head.

_Get over it; you’ll be fighting them for a very long time._

“Ha! And you’re not even quarian!” Tali laughed as she took out the knee of the next one.

“The geth are boring, they don’t even scream when you shoot them,” Wrex said as he finished off the last geth.

“Wow, Wrex. Really?” Shepard said as she trotted down the ramp and towards the vehicle she was commandeering.

“What?” Wrex asked.

Shepard just shook her head and opened the door, “Get in.”

Arcelia had been telling the truth. A geth dropship flew overhead dropping armatures in their path. The whole skyway was swarming with geth. Armatures and rocket troopers formed blockades all up and down the suspended, crumbling road. Crashed and burning vehicles littered the area. She used them to her advantage, taking cover behind them as she moved back and forth taking shots at the geth with the cannons. Large, sharp caltrop structures designed to slow down if not stop through traffic where spread out, forcing Shepard to drive at an angle along the maintenance shaft’s sloped wall at times. They stopped periodically to clear out the maintenance shafts. Frantic comm chatter came through the radio in bursts; a woman was looking for her lost daughter. Tali couldn’t pin down the location.

Several armatures and rocket troopers later, they came to an area that was different from the rest of the skyway. Whoever was breaking through the comm system was nearby and had seen their vehicle. The area was covered all around whereas the rest of the skyway was completely open above and to one side, making it dangerously easy to be pushed off the edge of the road and into open air. The path turned up an incline towards the back of the area, but before Shepard could swing a left to follow it up she caught sight of an unimposing foot-ramp that led down into a well-lit area. She could see crates stacked up and people moving arounds so she parked the vehicle.

Shepard opened the door and dropped to the ground, dust puffed up in a cloud around her feet. Resting her hand on her holstered pistol, she slowly made her way towards the opening. She peered over the edge. She saw no sign of an offensive reaction, only a couple of guards with lowered weapons prepared to defend the encampment. Shepard stowed her pistol and walked slowly down the ramp keeping her hands visible. The guards let her pass without question. They were probably only interested in shooting at geth.

Wary eyes followed their movements but no one approached her team. Crates had been stacked up near the entrance and they swept out into the middle of the room. Cots lined the walls. People milled about the area going about their business. The place wasn’t very big, but it looked like the people here had managed to grab enough supplies to hold them over. At least for a while. They all seemed to be wearing the same uniform; probably worked for ExoGeni, she thought. A man stood off to the side working at a laptop sitting on a crate. Another man and a woman stood talking in the middle of the room; the others seemed to give them a wide berth so it was directly to them that Shepard went.

“That’s close enough,” the man said turning to look over his shoulder at Shepard.

Shepard bristled, the hair on the back of her neck rising. The man was holding a pistol in his hand, and even though it hung limply at his side, Shepard knew he would eventually be pointing it at her. _Save yourself the trouble, shoot him now. Greedy asshole._

The woman standing next to him said, “Relax, Jeong, They’re obviously not geth.”

“Get back, Juliana,” he said. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“I suggest you put that weapon down unless you’re ready to use it,” Shepard said.

“Don’t worry about him. He only cares about ‘the company,’” Juliana said.

“And you trust too easily, Juliana,” Jeong said.

“I’m just glad to see a friendly face. I thought we were the only humans left on this planet,” said Juliana.

Shepard crossed her arms and gave Jeong a cold stare. _I’m telling you, just shoot him. Wait, is he actually listening?_

“Fine, fine. Look see, it’s gone,” he said tucking the pistol into his waist band.

Shepard dropped her arms to her side and turned her attention back to Juliana, “Some of the colonists from Zhu’s Hope are still around. The colony is pretty tore up, but we did what we could to help Fai Dan get things operational again before we left. Cleared the area of geth, got the water and power back up and running.”

“I thought you said they were all dead,” Juliana said to Jeong.

“I said they were ‘probably’ all dead,” Jeong said.

Shepard raised a hand to cut off their bickering, “Listen, I’ll do what I can here but I need some information. Do you know why the geth are here; what they’re after?”

“I have no idea. We certainly haven’t found anything of use. Something ExoGeni is keen to remind us of,” Juliana said. “The geth are stationed further up the skyway at the ExoGeni headquarters.”

“Those headquarters are private property, soldier. Remove the geth and nothing else,” Jeong warned.

Shepard rolled her head back to glance at the ceiling before leveling her stare at Jeong, “Oh, shut up. For fucksake, what is _wrong_ with you? Look around you! This place is under heavy attack by geth forces – geth! – and you’re whining about private property and company secrets?! Are you serious?”

Jeong sputtered, “Well, you would hardly be the first opportunist to try and take what isn’t theirs in the middle of such chaos!”

Shepard glared at the man, feeling her fists clench at her side.

Juliana held up a hand, “Commander, before you go… My daughter, Lizbeth. She’s missing…”

“They shouldn’t waste time poking around,” Jeong said. “We can do a proper accounting of our casualties after the geth are gone.”

“That’s my daughter you’re talking about! She’s still alive! I know it,” Juliana said.

“Aaaannnd you have just lost the right to speak. Not another word from you or I swear I’ll give you to Wrex to play with. He’s bored with the geth, they don’t scream when they’re shot,” Shepard said, her eyes boring into Jeong.

Wrex cracked his knuckles and smiled. Jeong and Juliana both blanched and took a step back from the looming krogan. _Ha! I’d pay to see that._

“Where’s your daughter, Juliana?” Shepard asked.

“She was – She was at ExoGeni when the geth attacked. I don’t know, for certain but I think she may still be in there,” Juliana said.

Jeong opened his mouth to say something but snapped it closed again when Wrex leaned forward. _Maybe he’s not as stupid as he looks._

“I’ll do my best to find your daughter and bring her back to you, Juliana,” said Shepard.

She reached out to pat the other woman on the shoulder and was about to tell her that she should be prepared for the worst, though. _She’s still alive, we’ll get her._ That it wasn’t likely with all the geth they’ve already come across, that her daughter would still be alive. Shepard just knew that it wasn’t necessary. They would find her daughter, and she would bring her back here to her mother. So instead she just gave the woman’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

They were about to head back up the ramp when the man working on the computer caught Shepard’s attention with a discrete wave. Shepard glanced over her shoulder to see that Jeong was busy arguing with Juliana again. She nodded her head to her team and walked over to man.

“I was hoping you’d have a moment to speak with me. I’ve got a bit of a problem,” the man said.

“What do you need?” Shepard asked.

“I need to retrieve some data. It’s not a big job, but it pays well,” he said.

“Sounds easy enough. What’s the catch?” Shepard asked.

“No catch, really. It’s dangerous work, but not for someone like you,” the man said.

“What is it about you that makes people assume we enjoy being in harm’s way?” Tali asked Shepard.

“It’s not that bad, really,” the man said. “All you need to do is find my console at ExoGeni headquarters and drop the data onto this OSD. It’s that simple.”

“I’ll look around if I get the chance,” Shepard said.

“I appreciate it. That data could be worth a lot of money. Of course, this all depends on us getting out of here alive,” he said.

Shepard watched as the man bit his lower lip and glanced around the room.

“Was… there something else you wanted to say to me?” Shepard asked slowly.

The man rubbed at the back of his neck, “I’m just a freelancer. I don’t have very high clearance so there isn’t anything solid I can offer you. But I’ve heard whispers…”

“Of?” Shepard encouraged.

“ExoGeni did find something here. I don’t know what, or where, but I’ve heard people calling it ‘the find of the century’. So, I mean, it’s gotta be big, right? Whatever it is,” he said glancing around again.

_Wait, what? He’s never said this before. Why has he never said this before?_

“Do you have any idea, any guesses as to what it is they found?” Tali asked.

He shook his head, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s OK. What’s your name?” Shepard asked.

“Gavin. Gavin Hossle,” he said.

“Thank you, Gavin, at least we know we’re on the right track,” Shepard said.

They left the small ExoGeni encampment, zig zagging up the ramp and through a tunnel before exiting to more covered skyway. The right side was caved in and completely impassible. The left side led to another door and more geth. They used the cover of the door to fight through the armatures and rocket troopers before continuing on down the skyway. More caltrops and debris called for creative driving when they heard two men talking about moving a package over the comms. She stopped to clear another maintenance shaft and found to fresh corpses. She suspected that these were the men they heard on the comms, but the only thing of value in the shaft was a sniper rifle and some krogan armor. It wasn’t anything worth risking their lives over. _Idiots._

Thick clouds of black smoke billowed up from the skyway, obscuring her view of what lay ahead. Shepard advanced with caution. She couldn’t see anything and her scanners were clear, but she knew. They cleared the smoke and Shepard had to swerve out of the way of an armature’s electrical blast. The nearest cover was a crashed vehicle closer to the geth. It was tilted up on its side and wouldn’t provide much aid but it was all they had. The armature was flanked by juggernauts and rocket troopers. She pressed her foot down on the pedal and raced for cover. Tali was already firing the cannons, picking off the smaller troops while Shepard worked on getting them to the wreckage. The cannon blasts and machine gun report was deafening inside the enclosed cab, rattling Shepard’s nerves as she struggled to dodge return fire. When the sounds of battle stopped, Tali asked to get out and scan the juggernaut. Shepard watched Tali’s six as the woman crouched down over the giant geth.

“We must be getting close, they’re beefing up security,” Shepard said. “Make it quick, Tali.”

“I’m ready, Shepard,” Tali stood to rejoin Shepard.

The scanners jammed as another door opened to reveal a small, empty space cut off from the rest of the skyway by a second door just a few yards away. It opened up to a dark, enclosed area with only hints of daylight filtering through the windows near the ceiling. Shepard could make out a wall with a narrow opening straight ahead. The movement of head-height lights told her the area was filled with geth. Shepard drove in as far as she could before jumping out and running for the opening to put her back to the wall.

A stalker jumped around the area and troopers were moving in on her position. She shot the nearest trooper before ducking to avoid the rocket blast headed her direction. She was clear, but Wrex took the hit and was knocked back. He was hurt bad but pulling himself back to his feet when Shepard used her omni-tool to activate his Medi-gel dispenser for him. Tali was pressed against the opposite door frame setting up an AI hack to drop the stalker to the ground. She nodded to Shepard when it fell and Shepard fired two shots into it before it could recover. The troopers had stopped advancing and were instead waiting for Shepard to duck out of over before shooting at her. Tali leveled her shotgun and spun into the room, blasting one of the geth back.

Wrex, now back on his feet and pissed off charged into the room taking out the remaining troopers near the door. Shepard moved in behind him, crouching behind the jagged, broken edges of the deck that stood three feet or so off the ground. She got eyes on the rocket trooper above her. It definitely had a height advantage, but they had biotics. Wrex used a biotic Throw to take the rocket trooper off its feet while Shepard and Tali filled it full of holes. A few seconds later it fell back to the concrete, unmoving.

At the top, Shepard looked over the area taking in the door blocked by a force field to the left, the locked door to the right, and the low, rounded walls in front of her; one of which was broken. She moved to the door on her right and bypassed the lock. Inside, an inactive geth armature lay curled up. Beyond it she could see a storage locker. _It’s going to rise up as soon as you move past it, it isn’t completely inactive._ Shepard drew her HMWP VII and moved sideways into the room, not turning her back to the armature. Just as Wrex cleared the door, the armature uncoiled itself rising to its full height and started priming its electric pulse. With three guns at such close range the armature never stood a chance. It crashed back to the floor, sparks flying and electricity arching over its body before it could finish priming its first shot. Tali opened her omni-tool and scanned the armature while Shepard cleared out the storage locker, taking what they could use.

Back out of the room, Shepard made her way directly to the broken low wall because it’s where her feet wanted to go. She didn’t hesitate when it was pointed out that they wouldn’t be able to get back up again. Shepard stepped off the edge and bent her knees to absorb the impact. Rubble slipped under her feet. She moved out of Wrex’s way and he landed behind her, shaking loose more rubble that skittered down the mound. Wrex offer a hand up to Tali, she took his hand and used it to help soften the blow when she dropped. _Well, I’ve definitely never seen that before._ Shepard saw the quarian check her suits computer read out to make sure nothing was torn.

Shepard followed the short path to a large garage. Light filtered down from a giant hole in the ceiling; not far from it thick wires hung loose in arcs. A fire burned directly across the room from Shepard, and she spotted the green glow of an unlocked door to the far left of the room. Just inside, she spotted a dead varren, fresh blood still spread out from its body.

A shot rang out and Shepard turned in time to miss being hit, though it tagged the edge of Wrex’s arm. A woman in an ExoGeni uniform crept forward warily, her eyes squinting to make out Shepard in the dim light.

“Damn it!”  The woman said, “I’m so sorry. I thought you were geth, or one of those varren.”

Shepard lowered her pistol before moving closer to the woman.

“Are you Lizbeth?” Shepard called out to her.

“Yes… how did you… have we met?” Lizbeth asked.

_Countless times, though never quite like this._

“No, your mother asked me to look for you,” Shepard said.

“My mother’s alive! Oh thank God. Where is she, is she safe?” Lizbeth asked.

“She’s safe for now. She’s holed up with some of the others from ExoGeni not too far from here. What happened, how did you get separated?” Shepard asked.

“It’s my own fault. Everyone else was running and I stayed to back up data. Next thing I knew, the geth ship latched on and the power went out. I was trapped. I tried to get out, but the way was blocked,” Lizbeth explained.

“Lizbeth, I’m going to get you out of here and back to your mother but first I need to figure out what it is that the geth are after. Is there anything you can tell me? Anything at all?” Shepard asked.

“I don’t know for certain, but I’m guessing they’re here for the thorian,” she said.

“Thorian? What is that, exactly?” Tali asked.

“It’s an indigenous life-form. ExoGeni was studying it,” Lizbeth said.

“What else can you tell me? Do you know where I can find this thorian?” Shepard asked.

“I might be able to, but not with those geth crawling around everywhere,” she said. “Look, we need to get out of here, past that field.”

“You might be able to what – tell me where it is or take me to it? Lizbeth if you know where it is, you need to tell me now. Otherwise, I’m going to have no choice but to take my time digging around ExoGeni HQ until I find what I need. Now, I’d much rather you just tell me what I need to know now so I can focus on getting us all out of here alive,” Shepard said.

Lizbeth chewed at her thumbnail for a moment before saying, “I… I, yes, I can tell you exactly where it is. It’s right beneath the Zhu’s Hope colony.”

_Really Lizbeth, you couldn’t have made this any easier before now? Was this really all it ever took? Asking a few different questions, glaring at a few people? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see things are changing, even if they are mostly small changes. But damn if it isn’t a little infuriating._

“What else can you tell me about the thorian, Lizbeth? This is very important, a lot of lives could depend on this right now,” Shepard pressed.

“It’s just a plant. I don’t know why the geth would care,” she said throwing her hands up in the air. “ExoGeni was studying it, but I don’t think they found anything special. I really don’t know that much about it. I know it’s very old. Thousands of years, even.”

_That thing is not ‘just a plant’ and you damn well know it! Glare at her, Dawn, make her tell you everything._

“OK, thank you. Now, do you have any idea on how to shut down that force field? Is there a control panel somewhere maybe?” Shepard asked.

“No, not exactly. But I think the geth ship is powering it. I’ve noticed the geth laying power cables everywhere. You could follow those cables, but there’s geth all over the place,” she said.

“Alright. Stay put and try not to shoot anyone else. I’m going to go see if I can figure out how to get that thing down,” Shepard said.

“Oh, here, take my ID. This should get you past any locked doors,” she said handing Shepard her ID. “Good luck with that field.”

_Varren are coming._

“We’ve got incoming,” Wrex’s deep voice growled.

Shepard turned to see varren rushing at them from all sides. She pulled her pistol up to take aim while using her biotics to throw the nearest one back. Reaching behind her, she shoved Lizbeth back against the wall shielding the other woman with her own body. _Don’t worry about her, she’ll be fine!_ She saw the blue haze of Wrex’s biotics beside her as he flung the four-legged nuisances around. Still, the damn things were fast and they were getting too close for comfort. One lunged at Shepard and she met its charge with a boot to its face, knocking it back before shooting it in the head twice. She used another Throw to knock one away from her on the right before it could slip past her and get at Lizbeth. She saw one grab a hold of Tali’s leg and start to shake. _Shit! It’s ripping her suit to shreds. Kill it! Hurry gods damn it, kill it!_ Shepard aimed for the body, unwilling to risk missing the head and catching Tali by mistake. She fired three rapid shots into the beast’s rib cage.

Tali was hurt, and worse her suit was damaged. _Because you were busy worrying about Lizbeth. I guess not every change is worth praising._ That meant she was being exposed not only to whatever horrid diseases that varren might have been carrying but to every other possible airborne contagion in the filth hole they were in. Her immune system was not going to take this well at all. She’d probably be out of commission for a couple of weeks if not more. Shepard reminded herself to worry about that later, for now she had two more varren that needed to be dead already. She turned her weapon on the one nearest Tali, giving her the chance to step out of the fray and take whatever emergency procedures she could to lock down her suit. A few tense seconds later and the last varren was being crushed under Wrex’s boot.

Shepard moved to Tali, “Is there anything you need me to do?”

“No, Shepard. Really, it’s not as bad as it looks. The suit has already sealed off the area and started the antibiotic submersion. The Medi-gel has already closed the wound, preventing blood loss and further contamination. I will be fine. I won’t feel very well for a few days, but I will be fine,” Tali said standing up straight and testing her injury to be sure she could put her weight down on her leg.

_She’s putting on a brave face, but this is really bad._

She nodded and Shepard said, “Alright, let’s keep moving.”

_Don’t tell me you’re buying her act? Not that there really is anything you can do. Just get through this place and get her back to the Normandy, ASAP._

The door in the corner opened up to the backside of a staircase, as Shepard moved to the front of the stairs she heard what sounded an awful lot like a krogan voice. He was cursing at a VI that refused to give him access to encrypted files. They moved silently up two flights of stairs until they spotted the krogan at the end of a hall. He had his back to them as he continued to make idiotic threats to the VI. _Doesn’t matter, the VI is going to rat you out._

Shepard motioned for Wrex and Tali to spread out but to hold fire for now. The two split a part form her and moved silently into position on either side of the hall entrance.

“Please contact your supervisor for a level four security exemption of make an appointment with-,” the VI said.

“Stupid machine!” the krogan bellowed again.

“If there is nothing else, please step aside. There is a queue forming behind you for the use of this console,” the VI said.

Shepard dropped her hand, signaling her team to open fire.

“Ahh, c’mon. Stupid machine!” Shepard yelled in between shots.

The krogan was strong, tough as hell, and a biotic. Shepard learned the latter when he hit her with a Warp, making her fall and write on the ground for a few seconds. Still, he was no match for three shooters from three different positions. He crumpled to floor under their fire and Wrex took the liberty of making sure he wasn’t getting back up again. Shepard moved to the VI station.

“ExoGeni Corporation reminds all staff that the discharging of weapons while on company property is strictly forbidden,” the VI said. “Welcome back, Research Assistant Elizabeth Baynham. What can I do for you?”

“What information was the krogan after?” Shepard asked.

“Fetching data. The previous user was attempting to access details on the study of Subject Species 37, the thorian,” the VI said.

“Tell me everything you told him,” Shepard said.

“I was unable to provide the previous user with any relevant data,” the VI said. “Aside from lacking proper access, there had been no new date available on Species 37. All sensors monitoring the observation post at Zhu’s Hope have been inactive for several cycles.”

“Where exactly is the thorian located?” Shepard asked.

“Species 37 is located within the substructure of the Zhu’s Hope outpost,” the VI said.

“Give me everything you have on the thorian,” Shepard said.

“The thorian is a simple plant-life form that exhibits a sentient behavior uncommon with other flora. Through dispersion and the eventual inhalation of spores, it can infect and control other organisms, including humans. The Zhu’s Hope control group has yielded interesting results. Before sensors went offline, almost 85% of all test subjects were infected,” said the VI.

“ExoGeni knew all along what would happen to those people,” Shepard said the anger creeping into her voice. “Those sons-of-bitches.”

“It was deemed necessary to assess the true potential of Species 37,” the VI said.

“That’s why they were acting so strange,” said Wrex.

“Your pilot should be warned,” said Tali.

Shepard activated the mic in her ear, “Joker. Come in, Joker. Damn it. That field’s blocking us.”

“We’ve got to drop that shield and get back to the outpost,” Wrex said.

“VI, what can you tell me about the geth ship and the field it’s generating?” Shepard asked

“I have limited data on the geth. They have effectively blocked all sensors within the facility. I have detected unusual power fluctuations, but am unable to determine the source,” the VI said.

Shepard was about to leave when a thought occurred to her. She turned back to the VI.

“What can you tell me about my personal files?” Shepard asked.

“Elizabeth Baynham, Research Assistant, Bio-Medical Division. Security level four exemption. You are currently under probation due to disagreements with management over established company policy. These sanctions may be lifted if your next evaluation is more agreeable,” the VI said.

“What triggered the probation?” Shepard asked.

“You were marked as ‘combative’ about the operations of the Zhu’s Hope projects, specifically regarding the handling of the infected colonists. As a result, you were tasked with monitoring the safety of the colonists for the duration of the observation,” the VI said.

“That’s enough for now,” Shepard said.

“Going to standby mode,” the VI said.

“I knew she was lying, damn it,” Shepard said. “I really hate it when people lie to me.”

Shepard led her team down the hall and up a flight of stairs before they came to a room. The outer wall had been torn open by a large, metal, claw-like structure. The claw passed through the room to dig into the inner wall, anchoring itself. She crept forward to look down over the railing of the balcony. Shepard was dumfounded to see two geth on their knees with their hands and arms stretched out before them as if in worship. They were bowing down before a glowing orb that sat in the center of a metallic cage formed by a series of bent spikes, jutting up from the ground. Shepard took advantage of the geth’s distraction to take them out before they could get to their feet.

Dropping from the balcony, she hesitantly moved toward the glowing orb. She didn’t know what it was or what it did, so she didn’t get too close. The light was too intense for her to see what the light was emanating from. Human corpses littered the area. Tali and Wrex moved up to join her.

“What is this place? Almost looks like the geth built themselves some kind of church,” Wrex said.

“The geth blur the line between organic and synthetic life. It’s natural to assume they seek understanding from a higher power,” said Tali.

Shepard grunted, “Stay away from it. I don’t like it. There’s no telling what it might do.”

She stood staring at spikes surrounding the orb, “Wrex, do you remember that thing we found on Trebin? Where the ExoGeni team was all turned to husks? It was like this, wasn’t it? But it wasn’t glowing…”

“Yeah, I remember. I think you’re right, Shepard. Looks the same to me,” Wrex said.

 _Reaper tech. Just like the dragon’s teeth on Trebin and Eden Prime. Not really sure what it is but we’re pretty sure it can cause indoctrination. Get away from it, Dawn._ Shepard put distance between herself and the light, pushing Tali and Wrex to do the same.

“Shepard, I think if we can find a way to detach even just one of the ship’s anchor claws, it would cause the ship to fall,” Tali said examining the claw. “It will be difficult, the geth are very thorough, but if we can find one of the claws with some sort of weakness…”

“Good idea, Tali. We’ll keep looking. Move out,” Shepard said anxious to leave the room.

They made their way through geth and krogan as they cleared each room, stopping to gather Gavin’s data on the OSD. Wrex was growing increasingly agitated by the presence of his kin with the geth. Tali’s stamina was starting to flag as her system fought off the onslaught of microscopic organisms that had invaded her system. She kept her gun up and her eyes open, though. It wasn’t like she had much of a choice. No one was going anywhere until they got that force field down. Shepard was relieved when they finally found another room with a geth claw anchored to the building.

A half wall separated the room into two sections, a raised walkway along the back crossed over the wall and led to the other side. Geth terminals were spread throughout. Thick cables hung from the ceiling and across the walls, connecting to the ship. Geth turned away from the terminals and brought their weapons to bear against Shepard and her team. She moved from her place against the wall to crouch down behind another stone slab, giving her team room to vie for a better position. Shepard knocked back the nearest geth using her biotics before firing shots into its helpless form. Tali and Wrex made short work of the other two. Shepard quickly checked the terminals that she could access in the area; there were notes about samples being sold to Cerberus and others being sent to someplace called Nordacrux.

Halfway across the walkway, her scanner was telling her that there would soon be more geth to shoot. She crouched down low, using the metal sheeting of the walkway for what little protection it could offer. A geth ghost spotted her position and instantly all other geth in the area knew she was there, too. Damn, she hated their hive mind. They were already converging on her location.

Shepard had held the ground for as long as she could; firing on the geth from the walkway. She retreated when all that remained was a destroyer and it had reached the stairs. She backed down the far set of stairs, using them as cover when the destroyer reached the walkway. It didn’t make it much further before Shepard and Wrex both hit it with a Throw, knocking it backwards off the stairs where it crashed to the ground below. Shepard was on it in seconds, firing off round after round until she was sure it wasn’t getting up again.

With the room secure, Shepard made her way down the stairs. The geth claw had entered the building through a shuttle bay door. Shepard and Tali spent a few moments looking over the claw, but found nothing to indicate it would be any easier to dislodge than the last one. _Use the shutter controls over there._ A terminal at the end of the room drew Shepard’s attention so she left Tali to examine the claw on her own. A repair ticket attached to the terminal outlined a malfunction with the shutter. Shepard glanced over the repair ticket and grinned.

“Tali. Wrex. Over here,” Shepard yelled.

“Did you find something, Shepard?” Tali asked.

“Indeed I did. Listen to this: The damn door to the shuttle bay is fried again. Works fine if the PSI is thirty or lower, and the safety shut-off kicks in if the PSI gets above thirty-four. But if the PSI is in the thirty-one to thirty-four zone, the door slams down with enough power to shear through a metal I-beam. Somebody fix this before one of my team loses an arm in that thing!”

“That’s a lot bigger than an I-beam,” Wrex said.

“Yes, but we may not need to cut through it completely to dislodge it. Shepard, this might just work!” Tali said.

Shepard waved her hand at the shutter controls, “Be my guest.”

Tali hurried over to the controls and began pushing buttons. Shepard and Wrex turned to watch the shutter door. The shutter shot upwards, catching in a joint on the claw.

“Come on, you bosh’tet,” Tali muttered from beside Shepard.

The screech of metal being pushed past its breaking point filled the room. The claw shifted slightly and then suddenly the strength of the shutter broke through the claw and the joint exploded. Shards of metal rained down on them. Shepard threw herself over Tali to shield her, letting her hard armor protect them both. Wrex grunted as a piece nicked his cheek but otherwise seemed completely unfazed by the super-heated shrapnel slamming into him.

“That worked well,” he said flicking a piece of metal from his shoulder.

The whole building shook as the geth ship was ripped away from its anchor points. A few seconds later, it could be heard crashing to the ground below. Shepard knocked a few pieces of shrapnel from her armor and made sure that Tali hadn’t suffered any further breaches to her suit.

“Very good! The field barring the exit will be down. Now we can go deal with this thorian creature,” Tali said.

“This was my kind of mission. Kill a bunch of geth, and end things off with a huge crash!” said Wrex.

“I hope that ship was full of those geth bastards!” Tali said.

“I repeat, Normandy to shore party,” Joker’s voice came in over the comm, “Are you reading? Is anyone there? Normandy to shore party. Come on, Commander, talk to me!”

“Joker? I’m here, what’s up?” Shepard asked activating her ear piece.

“We’re in lockdown here, Commander. Something happened to the colonists. They’re banging on the hull, trying to claw their way inside the ship. They’re freaking out!” Joker said.

“They can’t do any real damage. We’ll get back to you as soon as we can. Hold your position but prepare to defend the ship if needed,” Shepard said.

“Uh… yeah. Okay. Well, we’ll just wait right here for you, Commander,” Joker said.

“That probably pissed the geth off. They’ll be all over this place in a minute, I’m sure,” Shepard said to Tali and Wrex.

They made their way back to where the force field was and crossed through the now open area. Lizbeth Baynham was waiting for them on the other side.

“How the fuck did she get through?” Shepard asked when she saw the woman. “You know what, never mind. I have more important things to ask her.”

“There you are!” Lizbeth called out. “We should get out of here. I don’t think this place is safe.”

“You said you didn’t know about the thorian. I don’t like being lied to,” Shepard said crossing her arms over her chest.

“I – I was afraid. I wanted to stop the tests, but they threatened me, told me I’d be next. When the geth attacked, I stayed behind to send a message to Colonial Affairs. I tried to tell them where to find the thorian, but the power cut before I could send the message. I – I never meant for this to happen,” Lizbeth said.

Shepard stayed quiet with her arms crossed; her eyes as cold as ice.

“The thorian is underneath Zhu’s Hope, but the entrance is blocked. The colonists covered it with the freighter just before the geth attacked,” Lizbeth said.

“But why are the geth after the thorian? What could Saren want with it?” Shepard asked.

“Well, it does have unique mind-control capabilities. That’s what ExoGeni was interested in,” Lizbeth said.

“And apparently so does Saren. Maybe this thorian’s abilities are a threat to him somehow,” Shepard mused.

Before Shepard could contemplate the possibilities further, Joker’s voice came in over the comm again.

“Normandy to shore party. Come in,” Joker’s voice rang through.

“What is it, Joker?” Shepard asked.

“We’re getting a lot of geth comm chatter. Looks like they’re headed your way,” Joker said.

“Thanks for the heads-up, Joker. You heard the man; let’s move out,” Shepard said.

“I’m coming with you. I might be able to help. Undo the mess I helped create,” Lizbeth said.

“I’m taking you back to your mother, Lizbeth. That’s as far as you go. My pilot has informed me that the Zhu’s Hope colonists are attacking the ship and geth are moving this way. I won’t be responsible for a civilian in that mess, no matter how good your intentions are,” Shepard said.

Lizbeth opened her mouth to argue but saw the look on Shepard’s face and thought better of it. Shepard noticed that Lizbeth clung to her pistol like it was a life raft. She was holding it all wrong though, with that grip, she’d likely break a finger from the recoil if not something worse. Shepard holstered her own gun and waved her hand at Lizbeth’s gun. When she held the gun out, Shepard readjusted the woman’s hand on the gun.

 “Damn armed civilians. More of a danger to yourself than anything you’re shooting at,” Shepard mumbled under her breath.

 Content that the other woman was now holding the pistol right; Shepard made her aim it at a nearby pillar. With a sigh of dismay, she spent a few more moments correcting her stance and aim before grunting.

“Good enough, come on,” Shepard said.

The way back to the vehicle was clear. Shepard held the door open while a silent Lizbeth crawled in the back next to Tali. When Wrex was in on the passenger’s side, Shepard hoped into the driver’s seat and started it up. Back out on the skyway, they were immediately met with armatures and juggernauts. Lizbeth let out a squeal the first time they took a hit. Wrex laughed at her, and to her credit she remained quiet after that. Tali manned the gun as Shepard maneuvered the vehicle in and out of cover.

As they neared the ExoGeni camp, Juliana could be heard talking on the comm.

“… anybody. Is there anyone picking this up?” she said.

Shepard was about to respond when she heard Jeong cut her off.

“Get away from that radio,” Jeong’s voice said.

The comm was silent for a few seconds. Shepard glanced back at Lizbeth; a frown tightening her face.

“What was that all about?” Lizbeth asked.

“We’re almost to her, Lizbeth. Stay calm,” Shepard said.

“… this is Juliana Baynham of Feros colony. Please help us…” Juliana’s voice spoke again, broken by static.

“That’s my mom. Stop. Stop the rover,” Lizbeth insisted.

“Gods damn it, Lizbeth, I told you we’re almost there now can it,” Shepard barked at the woman.

Shepard pulled the vehicle to a stop next to the camp’s entrance and Lizbeth bolted out before Shepard could stop her. Lizbeth crouched down behind a crate watching the scene unfold down in the camp. Shepard stuck to the shadows and inched her way down to squat behind a crate as well.

“You can’t do this, Jeong!” Juliana yelled.

Jeong paced around the room and grabbed his head, “Everyone shut up! Let me think!”

“What’s going on?” Lizbeth whispered across to Shepard.

Shepard could only shrug in response.

“You won’t get away with this,” Juliana said.

“Get her out of here!” Jeong yelled.

Two of the ExoGeni security guards grabbed Juliana, one at each arm. Juliana began struggling, trying to pull away from them. Shepard was just about to pull her gun and fire a warning shot when Lizbeth stood up.

“Get away from her you son-of-a-bitch!” Lizbeth yelled.

Shepard tried to grab a hold of Lizbeth to pull her back into cover but Lizbeth moved past her and down into the room. The guards let Juliana go when she yelled out her daughter’s name.

“Damn it! Come out where I can see you! All of you!” Jeong yelled.

Shepard stood, her head held high and walked into the room. Wrex and Tali moved behind her.

“Hah, Shepard. Damn it! I knew it was too much to hope the geth would kill you. I found some interesting facts about you in the ExoGeni database. I know what happened on Akuze. This doesn’t have to end like that,” Jeong said.

“We can talk this out. Nobody needs to get hurt,” Shepard said.

“You – You don’t understand. It’s not that easy. Communications are back up. ExoGeni wants this place purged,” Jeong said.

“This is a human colony, Jeong. You can’t just re-purpose us,” Lizbeth said.

“It’s not just you. There’s something here far more valuable than a few colonists,” Jeong said.

“The thorian, I know. You should also know that there’s no way I’m letting you take this woman into custody, or do any ‘purging’ of this colony,” Shepard said.

“The what?” Juliana asked.

Lizbeth answered, “It’s a telepathic life-form living under Zhu’s Hope. It’s taking control of the colonists there. ExoGeni knew all along.”

“You won’t get away with this, Jeong,” Juliana said.

“So you keep saying. But nobody’s going to miss a few colonists,” Jeong said.

“Not happening, Jeong,” Shepard said.

“If – if – if that’s the way it has to be, then come on!” Jeong gestured with his hand waving her to him.

Jeong stepped towards Shepard and without a second thought she shot him between the eyes. The guards started to step forward but Wrex and Tali aimed their guns right at them. The guards held up their hands and backed away.

“As if we don’t have enough problems. Now we’re shooting each other in the back,” Juliana said.

“Listen, damn it, I’m not one of you and I’m not just a damn grunt solider. I’m a Council Spectre and I’ve been sent here to figure out what the geth are after not to be drawn into your bullshit corporate drama. Jeong had a gun and he was talking about killing the colonists. How else did you expect that to go?” Shepard scowled before mumbling, “Besides, I shot him in the face. Not the back.”

 _Yes, yes you did._ Shepard heard Tali stifle a giggle, but Wrex didn’t try to hide his booming laugh before he clapped Shepard on the back. The two women in front of Shepard looked appalled. It was Lizbeth who broke the tense silence.

“It’s my fault. I knew what was going on and I didn’t do anything,” Lizbeth said.

“Don’t you start. You do good work and you know it,” Juliana said. “So what now, Commander?”

“I need to find out why the geth are after the thorian,” Shepard said.

“The colonists won’t let you near the thorian. They’d die first. They’re under its control,” Juliana said.

Shepard frowned, “If you’ve only just heard about the thorian, what makes you think the colonists would die to protect it?”

_Good question._

“I… I don’t know. It only makes sense, though. Doesn’t it? I mean if they are under the thorian’s control, why would the thorian let them allow you to come near it?” Juliana said.

Shepard ran her tongue across her teeth and nodded, “Joker said they were attacking the ship. I’d like to avoid killing anyone else, but I will do what I have to do.”

“There’s got to be another way,” Lizbeth said.

“I think there is,” Juliana’s face brightened. “You could safely use a nerve agent to neutralize the colonists.”

“Like a gas grenade!” Lizbeth said.

“You want me to release nerve gas in an area my team and I are going to have to move through?” Shepard asked.

Juliana shrugged, “It’s not like it’s weapons-grade. The insecticide we use in the gro-labs contains trace amounts of Tetraclopine, a neuromuscular degenerator. If their nervous systems are already weakened, it may act as a paralyzing agent.”

“If we must consider it, drop it in a concussion grenade,” said Wrex.

“Alright, we’ll try it,” Shepard said.

“Excellent. Thank you so much, Commander,” Juliana said.

“We will stay out of your way until you clear a path. Good luck,” said Lizbeth.

Shepard went to speak with Gavin while the two women worked on the gas grenades. Shepard didn’t even want to think about why insecticides were something they thought to grab while fleeing ExoGeni. She didn’t have the mental energy left to ask questions that weren’t important. Tali took the chance to sit down and make what repairs she could to her suit and administer more antibiotics to herself. Wrex stood stoically by Tali looking intimidatingly at anyone who came near.

When the grenades were ready, they left the ExoGeni camp and took to the skyway where they fought their way through more armatures and rocket troopers. Shepard let the vehicle roll to a stop twenty feet away from the Zhu’s Hope garage entrance. There was someone crouched down outside of the entrance, their arms slung over their knees with their head tucked down. _Not a human, not anymore. Maybe never was. Thorian creeper. Don’t let it get close._ Shepard walked slowly towards the crouched figure. Alarm bells were going off inside of her head.

“Hello? Are you alright?” Tali asked moving forward.

Shepard threw out a hand to halt Tali, “Something’s not right. Look at them. Why aren’t they moving?”

Wrex was sniffing the air, “That’s not human.”

Tali and Wrex took out their guns and stayed close to Shepard as she slowly approached whatever it was. It waited for them to come within a few feet before unfurling itself, standing up straight. The grey color she had seen was actually its skin and not clothing. The fingers were no longer recognizable as such, in their place long claws protruded from its hands. It was completely void of hair, and though naked it was not identifiable as any particular sex. The head with its sunken skin, empty sockets, stunted nose, and bared teeth looked far more like a skull than a face. It started to move towards them but Shepard didn’t hesitate to bring her gun up and fire. Green blood splashed out of the creature as the bullets tore into its frail flesh but it continued to stumble forward until a final bullet caused it to burst into pieces leaving nothing behind but a puddle of green goo and shredded flesh.

“That thing was not one of the colonists. No amount of infections could have done that,” Tali said.

“I’ve seen them before. At one of the Cerberus facilities I hit with Williams and Alenko. These must be the ‘samples’ that the ExoGeni reports were talking about. Which means there are more of these terrorizing a colony somewhere on Nordacrux,” Shepard said. “Keep your heads up; we need to make sure we don’t shoot any colonists by mistake. Save the grenades for the colonists. Kill whatever the hell those things are on sight.”

“As you would have it, Commander Shepard,” Tali said.

Shepard checked her thermal clip before hitting the green button to open the garage door. The room was filled with the monstrosities, all sitting hunched over in neat little rows. Shepard fired at them but it didn’t seem to have any affect while they were curled up. Those nearest the door began to rise to their feet and charged at Shepard. Further back in the room, the colonists who were guarding the garage began firing on her team. Shepard pressed her back to the door to avoid the bullets whizzing past her head. Tali and Wrex took a few steps back to put distance between themselves and the thorian creepers as well as make it harder for the colonists to target them.

Shepard ducked in and out of cover shooting at the creepers until too many of them had amassed at the door for her to remain. She pulled back to her team, luring the creepers out of the garage. The creepers who got close enough stopped in front of them; throwing their heads back they opened their mouths to spew torrents of the green, toxic fluid all over her crew.

When the last creeper exploded, Shepard made her way into the garage charging up the ramp and straight for the colonists. She took a couple of hits, dropping her shields but was able to get the gas grenade thrown out before they did any serious damage. The gas seemed to work as the colonists instantly dropped to the ground, unconscious. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as she headed into the elevator.

They fought their way through the colony, killing creepers and knocking out colonists. Shepard spotted one of the colonists lying dead, but she wasn’t sure whose bullet was responsible for the kill. She doubted it was intentional so she gestured to the corpse to remind her team to stay vigilant. When they made it to the freighter lift controls with only one colonist dead, Shepard counted that as a win. She activated the controls and one of the rounded containers raised up into the air revealing a staircase leading into the ground.

Shepard paused to contemplate going back to the Normandy to get Tali to the med bay and make sure the colonists had left the ship, but she didn’t know how long the effects would last. She didn’t want to have to fight her way back through the colonists to get back to the stairs. Didn’t want to risk having to shoot anyone else. Just then, movement off to her right caught her attention. Shepard spun on her heel, her gun rising as she went. Fai Dan staggered slowly towards them.

“I tried to fight it, but it gets in your head. You can’t imagine the pain,” he said. “I was supposed to be their leader. These people trusted me.”

Fai Dan reached for a pistol he had holstered at his waist and Shepard began circling wide, giving her team a clear shot if it was necessary and making herself a harder target to hit.

“It wants me to stop you… but I… won’t,” he struggled over the words.

Shepard narrowed her eyes in confusion.

He fought against his own arm as his hand brought the gun up to point at his temple, “I won’t!”

Shepard’s eyebrows rose with understanding and she opened her mouth to yell at him, urge him to stop, but it was too late. Fai Dan pulled the trigger and his body fell limply to the ground.

Shepard lowered her gun, “Damn it!”

“Shepard, there was nothing you could do,” Tali said as she tentatively reached a hand out to squeeze Shepard’s shoulder.

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose and nodded before making her way back to the stairs. They were ancient, crumbling in places and the walls that lined them were cracked and discolored with time. Piles of rubble and debris sat in corners where pieces of the wall had given out over the years. Shepard lost track of how many flights of stairs they went down without even the slightest hint of life, synthetic, plant, or otherwise.

She paused when an opening came into view. A thorian creeper sat curled up in the doorway. Behind it, past the balcony, Shepard could see the first signs of what must be the thorian. It was – ironically – the most alien thing she thought she had ever seen, and it certainly didn’t resemble any plant she had ever laid eyes on. Leveling her gun at the creeper, she made her way slowly forward. Her eyes flickered between the thorian and the creeper as she went. She was right next to the creeper and it hadn’t responded at all. They moved past it and onto the balcony.

 “Alright, we just need to find this creature to determine what it… what it…,” Tali trailed off as she caught sight of the thorian. “Keelah, what is that?”

“Nothing’s ever simple, is it?” Shepard asked eyeing Tali speculatively.

Shepard thought that Tali must be in worse shape than she thought if she was only just now seeing the thorian. It clung to the walls with long, thick appendages. The body of it was tubular, with vertical ridges reminding her vaguely of an earthworm. Thin tentacles hung down from its bulk. It even had what looked almost like a face; complete with thicker tentacles hanging down from what could easily be seen as a mouth. Pink sacs looking like diseased pustules clung to the wall, scattered around the thorian.

Shepard slowly made her way past more inert creepers towards what she assumed to be the front of the plant-being. The thorian began to quiver and slimy tendrils of a clear fluid began to seep out from between the tentacles. It groaned, or perhaps growled as something black began to slide out. It took Shepard a moment to realize that what she was seeing was a pair of booted feet and legs. Like giving breach birth, the thorian let a fully clothed, adult asari slide to the ground from within. The asari landed on the cement in front of Shepard before standing upright. Shepard had never heard of a green asari before, but this asari was indeed very much green.

“Invaders! Your every step a transgression. A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, good only to dig or decompose. I speak for the Old Growth, as I did for Saren. You are within and before the thorian. It commands that you be in awe!” the asari said.

            Shepard adjusted her grip on her pistol, “What did Saren want with the thorian? Where is he now?”

“Saren sought knowledge of those who are gone. The Old Growth listened to flesh for the first time in the long cycle. Trades were made. Then cold ones began killing the flesh that would tend the next cycle. Flesh fairly given! The Old Growth sees the air you push as lies! It will listen no more!” the asari said.

“Tell me what you told Saren and release your thralls. Now!” Shepard demanded.

“No more will the thorian listen to those that scurry. Your lives are short, but have gone on too long. Your blood will feed the ground and the new growth!” the asari said before drawing a gun on Shepard.

Shepard lashed out with a biotic Throw as Wrex filled her with blasts from his assault rifle. The asari flew backwards and over the edge of the ledge the thorian dropped her on. The creepers that Shepard passed stood up and started attacking. Shepard advanced back down the balcony towards the hall the creepers were pouring out of. _The nodes, you have to shoot the arms where they cling to the walls._

“Over here, Commander! Definitely something different in this area,” Tali said.

Shepard saw the thick cordlike appendage of the plant anchored to the wall. She shot at the node while the others took care of the creepers. The node ruptured, green fluid dripping from it. Behind her the thorian growled, whether in rage or agony Shepard did not know; did not care. Quickly she pushed her way into the hall, seeking out more nodes to destroy as countless more creepers threw themselves at her and her team.

The thorian produced more green asari; Shepard began to realize that it was cloning them somehow. How the hell is it cloning them? Better yet, how is cloning them clothed and armed? She pushed the thoughts away, it didn’t matter they died just the same. She worked her way up stairs, going from balcony to balcony killing the creepers and asari while shooting the neural bundles. They nearly got overwhelmed on several occasions but Shepard stayed focused and let her body move where it wanted as the thing inside of her guided her to victory.

They took out six nodes before the thorian began to fall. The weight of its massive body was too much for the remaining anchors to hold alone. It dropped down into the expansive pit to join the first asari, presumably crushed by the fall.

“Shit. We needed the information it gave Saren,” Shepard said looking over the ledge.

One of the egg sacks on the wall broke open an asari dropped out. Her face was the same as the dozen or so Shepard just killed but she was such a deep blue that she was nearly purple.

“I’m free. I’m free,” she said. “I – I suppose I should thank you for releasing me.”

“It wasn’t my intent. You worked for Saren,” Shepard said keeping her gun ready.

“My name is Shiala. I serve – I served Matriarch Benezia. When she allied herself with Saren, so did I. Benezia foresaw the influence Saren would have. She joined him to guide him down a gentler path. But Saren is compelling. Benezia lost her way,” Shiala said.

“Benezia is dead. She fought through the control Saren had over her in her last minutes to tell us what she could of the Conduit and Saren’s plans. If you were with Saren; if you were in his ship, Sovereign, then you’re under Saren’s control, too,” Shepard said.

Sadness seemed to wash over Shiala as she hung her head and spoke softly, “Sovereign. Yes, he calls it Sovereign. It can dominate the minds of his followers. They become indoctrinated to Saren’s will. The process is subtle. It can take days, weeks. But in the end, it is absolute. I was a willing slave when Saren brought me to this world. He needed my biotics to communicate with the Thorian, to learn its secrets. Saren offered me in trade. I was sacrificed to secure an alliance between Saren and the Thorian.”

“And now? Are you still under his control now?” Shepard demanded.

“No,” Shiala said meeting Shepard’s gaze once more. “When I joined with the thorian, Saren’s influence was erased. I belonged to the thorian, in body and mind. Now that the thorian is dead, I belong only to myself once more.”

“Then will you help me? You know what Saren wants to do. He’s going to destroy all life if we don’t stop him. Tell me what Saren learned from the thorian,” Shepard said.

“Saren was given the cipher,” Shiala said.

“Cipher? Cipher for what?” Wrex asked.

“The beacon on Eden Prime gave you visions. But the visions are unclear, confusing. They were meant for a prothean mind. To truly comprehend them, you must think like a prothean. You must understand their culture, their history, their very existence,” Shiala said. “The Thorian was here long before the protheans built this city. It watched and studied them. When they died, it consumed them. They are a part of it.”

“So the Thorian taught Saren to think like a prothean? How?” Shepard asked.

“The cipher is the very essence of being a prothean. It cannot be described or explained. It would be like describing color to a creature without eyes. To understand, you must have access to the endemic ancestral memory. A viewpoint spanning thousands of prothean generations,” said Shiala. “I sensed this ancestral memory – the cipher – when I melded with the Thorian. Our identities merged, our minds intertwined. Such knowledge cannot be taught; it simply exists.”

Shepard holstered her pistol, “If you gave it to Saren, you can give it to me.”

“Yes, I can transfer the knowledge from my mind to yours, as I did with Saren. Try to relax, Commander,” Shiala began closing the distance between herself and Shepard. “Slow, deep breaths. Let go of your physical shell. Reach out to grasp the threads that bind us one to another. Every action sends ripples across the galaxy. Every idea must touch another mind to live. Each emotion must mark another’s spirit. We are all connected. Every living being united in a single, glorious existence. Open yourself to the universe, Commander. Embrace eternity!”

Shiala’s sea green eyes turned to black orbs as she grabbed a hold of Shepard, flooding Shepard’s mind with the images of the beacon once more. Blood red scenes of death and destruction, machines being fused with flesh, and then two bright stars surrounded by planets. The vision focused on one planet in particular, letting it become a black disc as it eclipsed the stars. The image was replaced by Sovereign or another just like it. Shepard opened her eyes and Shiala stepped away from her. They looked at each other in silence for a moment.

“I have given you the cipher, just as it was given to Saren. The ancestral memories of the protheans are a part of you now,” Shiala said.

“What was that? Commander Shepard, are you all right?” Tali asked.

“I… I don’t know, it still doesn’t make any damn sense,” Shepard said motioning to Tali and Wrex to stand down.

“You have been given a great gift: the experience of an entire people. It will take time for your mind to process this information,” Shiala said.

“You look a little unsteady, Commander. Perhaps you should return to the Normandy,” Tali said.

“I am sorry if you have suffered, but there was no other way. You needed the cipher. In time, it will help you understand the vision from the beacon,” Shiala said.

“Do you know anything about the Conduit? Where it’s at or where Saren is?” Shepard asked.

“No. I’m sorry. All I know is that Saren believes the Conduit was the key to the prothean extinction,” Shiala said.

“That can’t be good, whatever it is,” said Wrex.

Shepard asked Shiala for more information on the thorian and Saren, but she wasn’t able to tell her much. Shiala had nothing new to offer Shepard that she hadn’t already learned from other sources.

 “And now that you’re free?” Shepard asked.

“If you allow it, I would like to stay here with the colonists. They have suffered greatly, and I played a role in their suffering. I would like to make amends,” said Shiala.

“I’m sure they can use whatever help they can get right now,” Shepard said turning away from Shiala to leave.

“Thank you, Commander. May fortune smile upon you,” Shiala said.

Juliana Baynham was there to greet Shepard at the top of the stairs to the colony. Lizbeth was with her and so where the others from the ExoGeni encampment. The colonists were recovering from the neurotoxin and appeared to be free of the thorian’s effects. Shiala hesitantly moved to stand near Arcelia and the two women began speaking in hushed whispers.

“You did it. With the Thorian gone, we can start rebuilding for ourselves again,” Juliana said. “And we’re free of ExoGeni’s threats. We’re back to being just a little nowhere colony. Thank you, Commander.”

Shepard offered her a warm smile before making her way back to the Normandy’s docks. She wanted off Feros and she wanted her shower. She knew her crew would be getting impatient though, especially after the colonists attacked the ship so she decided to debrief first, shower second.

“Joker, call everyone in for debriefing,” Shepard hollered towards the cockpit when she entered the ship.

“Aye, aye, Commander,” Joker said before making the announcement over the comm.

“Tali, as soon as we’re done in there I want you in the med bay,” Shepard said over her shoulder.

“I don’t know what Dr. Chakwas can do for me that I haven’t already done myself, but if you wish I will go,” Tali said.

“I do wish it,” Shepard smiled.

Ten minutes later everyone was caught up to speed. There were a few questions about the thorian, and Shepard answered them the best she could. Kaidan seemed especially concerned for the colonists, which didn’t surprise Shepard.

“Commander? You look… pale. Are you suffering any ill effects from the cipher?” Liara asked.

“I don’t think so. I think I’m just tired. A little shaken up, maybe,” Shepard said.

“I might be able to help you. I am an expert on the protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours maybe we can make some sense of it,” Liara said.

Shepard quickly pushed away the idle thoughts that were reminding her that this joining of consciousness was the equivalent of having sex to the asari. Still, a blush crept into her cheeks. If it would help though, what choice did she have? She’d already let Shiala inside, she might as well let Liara dance around in there, too.

Shepard cleared her throat, “Alright. Yeah, let’s do it the faster we have some answers the sooner we can stop Saren.”

The two women stood from their chairs and crossed the floor to meet in the middle. Liara offered Shepard a warm smile before reaching out to her.

“Relax, Commander. Embrace eternity!” Liara said as her blue eyes turned black just as Shiala’s had.

Once again Shepard’s mind was overrun with the images from the prothean beacon. Liara let go of Shepard, stumbling a bit as she backed away.

“That was incredible! All this time. All my research. Yet I never dreamed… I am sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so… intense,” Liara said. “You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you have been through, what you have seen, would have destroyed a lesser mind.”

“Did you see anything?” Kaidan asked.

“The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the vision are missing. The data transferred to the commander’s mind is incomplete,” Liara said.

“Liara, was there anything? Any clue or hint?” Shepard asked.

“Everything I saw, you already know. You were right about the reapers. The protheans were destroyed by a race of sentient machines. I think it is obvious that there is a connection between the reapers and, the prothean extinction, and the Conduit. But I did not see anything that would help us find it,” Liara said.

Shepard ran a hand through her hair and sighed, “What now?”

“I was able to interpret the data relayed through your visions. What was there, at least. But something was missing. Saren must have the missing information. Maybe he found another beacon. If we can find the missing data from your vision I can – whoa!” Liara said as she swayed on her feet; her eyes closing she brought a hand up to her head.

“I am sorry. The joining is… exhausting. I should go to the medical bay and lie down for a moment,” she said.

“Dr. Chakwas should take a look at you,” Shepard said.

“That will not be necessary. I just need some rest. Somewhere quiet,” Liara said.

“We’re done here. Dismissed,” Shepard said

Joker patched her through to the Council as the room cleared out.

“Commander. ExoGeni should have told us about the Thorian. It would have made your job much easier,” Tevos said.

“You might have been able to capture it for study instead of destroying it,” Valern said.

“It was turning people into thralls. If we had captured it, it would have turned us and anyone else who came near it into a thrall, too,” Shepard said.

“Perhaps it’s for the best, then. At least the colony was saved,” said Tevos.

“Of course it was saved,” Sparatus bit out. “Shepard would go to any lengths to help a human colony.”

“Being human has nothing to do with it,” Shepard said with forced patience. “They were in trouble and it cost me nothing extra to help them, it didn’t jeopardize the mission in any way and the mission came first. If you don’t believe me, ask the very dead human that I shot between the eyes when he tried to get in my way.”

“Admirable. But sometimes Spectres have to make sacrifices. I hope you’re willing to do that when the time comes,” said Valern.

“I think you know damn well that I have already made sacrifices in my time with the Alliance and I will undoubtedly do so again,” Shepard said crossing her arms.

“Goodbye, Commander. We will be waiting for your next report,” said Tevos before disconnecting the call.

Shepard threw her hands up in the air when the holograms disappeared, “What the hell is their problem?”

She left the debriefing room and headed straight for the showers.


	16. Chapter 15: The Veil

**Chapter 15: The Veil**

            Shepard found herself sitting in the co-pilot’s chair staring at Joker. She was remembering her dream. The dream she had where she was dying. The dream where she was dying because Joker refused to leave the cockpit when the Normandy was being ripped apart.

“Uh, Commander? You’ve been staring at me for five minutes now. It’s getting a little creepy,” Joker said as his eyes flicked over to her and then back to his control panel.

            “Sorry, Joker. I was lost in thought. Remembering a dream I had. Well, a nightmare really,” Shepard said.

            “So you’re saying I remind you of a nightmare? Come on, Commander, I’m not _that_ hideous,” Joker said.

            Shepard chuckled, “Nah, you’re not. Kinda cute even, but with that award winning personality of yours… well, I’m sure you’ve made a few children cry in your time.”

            Joker reached over and flipped the comm switch before stoically speaking, “Attention everyone. Commander Shepard thinks I’m cute.”

            Shepard’s raucous laughter filled every room of the ship before Joker could switch the comm back off. Joker stayed quiet while Shepard wiped tears from her eyes and fought to control her laughter. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but went no further.

            “You ass,” she managed between fits of laughter.

            “So what was this nightmare?” Joker asked giving her another glance; his hands never stopped moving over the controls.

            That sobered Shepard up better than if he had tossed a glass of ice water in her face. She stared out at the stars in silence. Joker didn’t press the issue, he had learned enough about the woman to know that she sometimes took time to process her thoughts before speaking. If she didn’t want to tell him, she wasn’t afraid to say so.

            “I was dying. The ship had been destroyed and I was floating away in space,” Shepard finally said.

            Shepard turned her head to look at Joker. He met her eyes briefly, his face still expressionless.

            “That sucks,” he said.

            “There was, uh, time for me to get out but I stopped to help someone else to an escape pod. I was going to get in with them, but I was hit by debris and knocked back. I grabbed the wall but I was losing my grip and I had no way to push myself back to the shuttle. So I uh, I hit the eject button and saved them instead,” she said, the last part nearly a whisper.

            Joker hit a couple of buttons on the console turning on the autopilot before giving her his full attention, “Let me guess. It was me? I had half a dozen broken bones and couldn’t get to the shuttle on my own. That’s why you’re sitting up here staring at me. Your subconscious is afraid that my Vrolik’s syndrome is going to endanger you and the ship. Well, Commander, that’s crap. I am –“

            Shepard cut him off, “You weren’t hurt. Well, you were by the time I dragged you away from the cockpit.”

            Joker’s furrowed brow deepened, “What do you mean?”

            “You wouldn’t leave, Joker. You thought you could save the Normandy and you wouldn’t leave even when half the ship was already missing. I had to make you leave,” Shepard said letting the back of her head hit the headrest.

            “So you had a dream that you died because, what, I’m an ass who’s overly attached to my ship?” Joker asked.

            “No, I had a dream that I died because I’m stubborn and wouldn’t leave your sorry ass behind. It was my choice,” Shepard said rolling her head to the side to watch him.

            “So, what about the Normandy? You let my baby crash and burn?” Joker asked.

            Shepard stood and patted Joker on his shoulder, “Afraid so.”

            “Damn, Commander. I don’t think I can forgive you for that one,” Joker said.

            She chuckled and headed towards the CIC. She was halfway to the stairs when Joker’s voice came over the comm again.

            “Attention everyone. The Commander thinks I’m cute _and_ has been having dreams about me,” he said.

            Shepard froze with a look of mortification on her face. She hurried to the galaxy map and pushed the comm button on the console.

            “Seriously, Joker?” she said.

            “Crashed and burned, Commander. Crashed. And. Burned,” Joker said.

            “Ass,” Shepard said before releasing the comm button.

            Navigator Pressly ducked his head to hide his grin when Shepard swept her eyes over the CIC. Several others kept their eyes glued on their stations looking far busier than they ever had before. Shaking her head she turned back to the stairs and went to the middle deck.

            She saw Ashley standing with Kaidan, they both turned to look at her with grins. Shepard threw her arms up in the air.

            “He’s completely twisting my words,” Shepard said.

            “Commander, I would like to remind you that everything is recorded in the cockpit for safety and quality assurance,” Joker’s voice came over the comm.

            “Joker!” Shepard whined towards the nearest camera.

            Joker’s soft chuckling could be heard before the comm went silent again. Shepard turned to Ashley and Kaidan. Their faces were red with suppressed laughter. Shepard threw her hands up again in defeat. She went to her cabin and just before the door slid closed she heard them laughing. A few minutes later there was a soft knock at her door.

            “It’s open,” Shepard looked up from her desk.

            The door slid open and Liara walked in, “Hello, Shepard. I was wondering if you have a moment to talk?”

            “If this is about Joker’s little announcements, then no, no I do not,” Shepard said.

            “What? No, this has nothing to do with Joker. I think that was completely inappropriate of him. Whatever relationship the two of you have is not the business of the rest of the ship. I am sorry that he did that to you,” Liara said.

            Shepard laughed, “Liara… there’s nothing going on between Joker and I. He was just being an ass. Twisting my words, and making a joke out of them.”

            “Oh, I see,” Liara said quietly.

            “Have a seat, Liara. What can I do for you?” Shepard asked.

            “Thank you, Shepard,” Liara said pulling up a chair. “After Feros, when we joined minds, I was so overtaken by the data from the prothean beacon that at first I did not notice that there was something else present, just around the edges of your mind.”

            _Liara… are you talking about us? Did you see us? Oh please gods…_

            “What do you mean? Like I was thinking about something else or…” Shepard trailed off.

            “No, not exactly. It is difficult to explain and at first when it occurred to me I thought that I must be mistaken. I think the best way that I can describe it is that there was something shrouding your conscience. Like a veil worn over ones face,” Liara said.

            _This is perfect. Maybe I can talk to her. Maybe we can tell Liara that we’re here._

            “Liara, I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” Shepard admitted.

            “That is the beauty of this: neither do I! It was unlike anything I have ever seen before, but I was through this… veil and into the prothean data so fast I did not even notice it was there. Shepard, with your permission, I would like for us to join minds again,” Liara said.

            Heat crept into Shepard’s face, turning her cheeks pink, “Liara… I mean, I’m curious to know… but I mean, isn’t that a rather intimate thing for asari?”

            Liara’s own cheeks darkened, “Oh, well yes. I mean no. Not exactly. There is more to it than… there requires a certain level of… intent, for it to be… never mind, Shepard. I am sorry to have bothered you.”

            _What the fuck, Dawn? Gods damn it, no! Make her stay, make her stay!_

            Liara stood to leave but Shepard stopped her, “Liara, wait. I’m sorry. That was rude and presumptuous of me. Please, stay. I’d like to uh, you know, join with you to figure out whatever we can.”

            “Are you sure, Shepard? I do not wish to cause you any discomfort,” Liara said hesitantly.

            “I’m sure. I trust you, Liara,” Shepard said with a smile.

            Liara’s face lit up with excitement as she settled back into the chair across from Shepard.

            “I want you to try to quiet your mind as much as you can. Do not think of anything in particular. If a thought arises, do not cling to it. Do you think you can do that, Shepard?” Liara asked.

            Shepard shrugged, “I can try.”

            Liara smiled indulgently before taking Shepard’s hands into her own, “Clear your mind. Embrace eternity!”

            Shepard felt Liara’s mind brush gently against her own before retreating again to the outer edges of her awareness. _Liara, can you hear us?_ Shepard’s mind flowed, flittering from random thought to random thought. _I am – we are – Shepard. All of us. Past incarnations, I guess._ Reports that needed to be filed, the feel of Garrus’ breath against her ear, the varren attacking Tali, the last words she spoke to her mother. _Liara if you can hear this, we need your help._ Keeping her mind quiet was far more difficult than she had imagined. _I’ve been living the same few years over and over, fighting this same war over and over._ Liara’s consciousness brushed against her own again as if in silent reminder. _Only to die in the end and wake back up – in a new body, but always Commander Shepard – always still me._ Shepard tried to let the thoughts go as they came and felt Liara’s mind retreat once more. _We wake up at the beginning, where it all started just before coming to the Normandy._ It wasn’t long before another thought would raise unbidden, curiosity as to why an asari’s eyes turn black for the joining, that she had forgotten to give Liara the last batch of artifacts for study, the way Kaidan had shifted into Ashley when he looked at her with disgust. _Trapped, our warnings unheard, in the back of the new Shepard’s mind._ Eventually, the thoughts came less frequently and were more subdued as they passed through her consciousness. _This is the first time we’ve made any progress. We need you to hear us. We need to break the cycle so this can end and we can rest._ The occasional brushing of Liara’s mind and the feel of her hands in her own were the only reminder that Liara was still there. _We’re tired, Liara. So, so tired. Pleas, can you hear us?_ Shepard felt a sense of tranquility.

            _LISTEN TO ME!_

            Pain lanced through Shepard’s mind as she heard the voices screaming. She started to pull away from Liara but Liara’s hands clamped down on Shepard’s holding her still as she struggled to maintain the joining.

She heard Liara’s voice in her mind, “Shepard, please, you cannot pull away. It would be most unpleasant for us both, possibly even causing you damage. There is something… something here. I can hear it like a thousand voices whispering. I cannot quite make out –”

Shepard thought frantically at Liara, “Liara the screaming. Oh gods, the screaming. I heard it. It’s screaming in my head.”

_YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME OR THIS WILL NEVER END! WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO BREAK THE CYCLE._

Shepard began to tremble with the pain; tears began streaming down her face.

“Oh Goddess. Shepard, I am so sorry. I am letting you go now,” Liara’s voice spoke in her mind.

Liara withdrew, ending the joining and opened her eyes. She saw Shepard slump forward and caught her before she could hit the floor.

“Shepard! Shepard, oh Goddess, you’re bleeding. Shepard can you hear me? Shepard?” Liara screamed.

Shepard could barely hear Liara’s voice; she sounded a million miles away. She couldn’t respond; her head was filled with a searing, white-hot pain. There was a sound like insects buzzing around in her skull. It hurt. Oh gods, it hurt.

Liara laid Shepard down on the floor and ran to slap her hand against the comm link next to the door. She didn’t wait for Joker to respond before yelling through the system.

“Joker, get Dr. Chakwas in here now!” Liara let go of the button and ran back to kneel beside Shepard.

Liara was gently stroking Shepard’s face and brushing her hair back while cooing softly when Dr. Chakwas rushed into the room. Liara didn’t turn to look at the other woman; instead she kept her eyes locked on Shepard as tears fell from her face.

“Liara, what happened?” Dr. Chakwas said as she immediately rushed to Shepard’s side.

The doctor checked for a pulse before opening her omni-tool to scan Shepard.

“There was something… I found something… we were joined and… I do not know! I do not know! She said it hurt, she said it was screaming in her mind so I let the connection go and… and she was trembling, crying. She fell over and blood started coming from her nose. I – I – I did not mean to harm her. I do not know how this happened!” Liara broke down into frantic sobs.

“Alenko!” Dr. Chakwas turned to yell at the open door.

He must have been hovering nearby because less than a second passed before he was ducking his head into the room.

“Kaidan, I need you to call one of the female crew in… no, get Ashley and Tali. Then I need you to get Liara out of here. Take her back to the mess hall and get her a cup of tea,” Dr. Chakwas ordered.

Ashley stepped past Kaidan and into the room, “I’m here, ma’am. What do you need me to do?”

Kaidan said, “Yes ma’am. I’ll have Joker call Tali up right away, ma’am.”

Joker’s voice came through the comm, “Already called her, she’s on her way.”

Ashley and Kaidan both moved into the room. Dr. Chakwas rattled off a list of supplies for Ashely to gather from the med bay while Kaidan tried to soothe Liara.

Kaidan slid an arm around Liara and whispered quietly to her, “Liara, Shepard will be alright. You’ll see. Dr. Chakwas will take good care of her. Come on now, come with me. Let’s go get you some hot tea and let Dr. Chakwas work.”

Liara sobbed and shook her head, “No I cannot leave her like this. This is my fault. I pressed too hard.”

“Ah, come on now. We both know that Shepard is tougher than that. Up you go,” Kaidan said sliding his arm underneath Liara’s and lifting her to her feet.

Liara made one last noise of protestation but did not fight Kaidan as he led her from the room.

Tali rushed in, nearly running the pair over as they left. She zeroed in on Shepard’s still form right away and was next to her before Dr. Chakwas even knew she was in the room.

“What happened, Doctor? What do you need?” Tali asked.

Dr. Chakwas was holding Shepard’s head still between her hands. She looked up at Tali and started giving her directions.

“Unclear. I need you to open her omni-tool for me,” she paused while Tali complied, “Good. Now I need you to find and open the application called Vitals.”

Tali skimmed through the omni-tool screens before pressing a button. The holographic screen widened and took on the appearance of a hospital monitor showing Shepard’s current blood pressure, heart rate, blood oxygen levels, and core temperature. Ashely arrived back in the room carrying a long plastic board, straps, pieces of foam, a gown, medical tape, and a pair of scissors.

“Tali, close that door we’re going to need some privacy,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Tali did as the doctor requested without question. Dr. Chakwas had begun stabilizing Shepard’s head and neck with Ashley’s help.

“Tali, can you remove her boots? Williams, you’re going to have to cut her shirt off. Her pants can be removed normally if you’re careful to not jostle her around,” Dr. Chakwas said.

The three women set to work undressing Shepard down to just her panties and socks. Ashley understood perfectly the reasoning behind every request that Dr. Chakwas made, she was a solider and all Alliance soldiers were trained in basic first aid at the very least. Tali on the other hand, was completely baffled when asked to help disrobe Shepard but she did not hesitate to follow the orders.

“OK, Tali, when I count to three, Ashley and I are going to roll Shepard onto her side. When we do, I need you to slide that board under her as far as you can. Understood?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

“Yes, Doctor,” Tali said getting the board lined up in place.

Ashley moved to Dr. Chakwas’ side and slid a hand under Shepard’s opposite hip while grabbing the knee of the same leg. Dr. Chakwas placed a hand under Shepard’s shoulder and the other under her ribs.

“OK. One, two, three,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Ashley and Dr. Chakwas lifted together and Tali slid the board into place. They gently lowered her back onto the board centering her as much as they could without risking further injury. Dr. Chakwas gave Tali the hospital gown to slip over Shepard’s arms while she taped the foam head supports down to the board. Ashley began sliding the straps through the handholds on the board. Once her gown was on and tucked in around her, Dr. Chakwas and Ashley strapped her down.

“Ashley, watch her vitals. I’m going to go prep the med bay and grab some extra hands to help you carry her,” Dr. Chakwas said grabbing the loose supplies from the floor and leaving the room.

A moment later Kaidan and Garrus entered.

“Spirits…” Garrus whispered.

Together, the four of them lifted the board with Shepard securely on top of it and carried her to the med bay. Liara let out a whimper when they moved past her. Wrex was standing against the wall next to the med bay watching the procession; ready to move in if he was needed. They sat the board down on one of the beds in the med bay and Dr. Chakwas shooed everyone but Ashley and Tali out of the room.

“She’s losing consciousness…” Dr. Chakwas’ voice broke through the terrible buzzing in Shepard’s mind.

“You… she was… this whole time?” Shepard thought she heard Tali’s voice.

“… afraid…” Dr. Chakwas’ voice was the last thing Shepard heard before the blissful silence.

A steady, rhythmic beeping pulled Shepard to consciousness. Her head throbbed in sync with the nuisance. Her mouth and throat were completely parched. How much did I drink last night, Shepard thought. She tried to move her hand to stop the alarm from sounding but found she couldn’t.

“Try not to move, Commander,” a woman’s voice said.

Shepard groaned and forced her eyes open. She flinched and blinked against the harsh light until her eyes adjusted. She saw Dr. Chakwas standing over her, omni-tool open as she ran scans.

“Dr. Chakwas?” Shepard said.

“Yes dear. You’re in the med bay. I’ve got you strapped down for your own safety. I’m running a scan now to see if it is safe to remove the straps. I can’t risk you injuring yourself further,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“My safety? What… what the hell happened?” Shepard demanded.

Dr. Chakwas closed her omni-tool and began removing the straps across Shepard’s legs and torso, “The best I have been able to determine from Liara’s reports is that she discovered something unusual in your mind during the joining after Feros. She sought you out and with your permission; she linked her consciousness to yours again to see if she could determine the nature of the anomaly.”

“I – yes, I remember that,” Shepard managed.

 “During the joining, you began to struggle and she tried to warn you that it could damage you if you pulled away before she released you. She said that you then told her that it hurt and you could hear screaming in your mind. She said you began to tremble, and she released you right away,” Dr. Chakwas paused to remove the tape holding Shepard’s head to the pieces of foam.

“She said tears were streaming down your face and you collapsed. She caught you and helped you to the floor, where your nose started to bleed. She could not get you to respond to her, so she contacted Joker and told him to call me,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“It hurt. I remember it hurt so bad. Far worse than being shot,” Shepard said.

“Commander, I don’t know exactly what happened, but whatever it was it caused severe inflammation in your brain. It is significantly reduced now, though you will probably feel terrible for a few days. You’ll need to take it easy for now. Do you think you feel like trying to sit up?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

“Yeah. I need water,” Shepard said.

Dr. Chakwas helped her to a sitting position before pouring her a glass of water, “Drink it slowly, Commander. Just a few sips for now.”

Shepard fought the urge to guzzle the water against doctor’s orders. She took a few sips and handed the cup back.

“Did you cut my shirt off?” Shepard asked.

Dr. Chakwas laughed, “Yes, Commander. It was necessary. I assume you have plenty more?”

Shepard grunted, “That was my favorite.”

“It was standard Alliance casual, Commander. They’re all identical,” Dr. Chakwas said reproachfully.

“Yeah, but that one was well worn and comfortable,” Shepard grumbled.

Dr. Chakwas made a huffing noise and shook her head.

“How long was I out for, doc?” Shepard asked.

“Roughly thirty-eight hours,” she said.

The door to Liara’s office slid open. Shepard turned her head to look and the room started spinning.

“Careful now, Commander. Slow movements. Especially of your head,” Dr. Chakwas warned putting a steadying hand on Shepard’s shoulder.

Shepard closed her eyes until the vertigo subsided. When she opened them again, Liara was at her side with tears in her eyes.

“Commander, it is good to see you awake. How are you feeling?” Liara asked.

“Like I had far too much to drink last night,” Shepard said with the best smile she could muster.

Liara chuckled but then the tears in her eyes renewed, “Shepard… I am so sorry. I had no idea…”

“Liara, hey, hey. This wasn’t your fault. C’mere,” Shepard held her arm out to Liara.

Liara stepped into the offered embrace, gently wrapping her arms around Shepard.

“I’m going to be fine. Trust me, this isn’t even the worst I’ve had,” Shepard said.

“Well that is certainly no lie,” said Dr. Chakwas.

Liara nodded and pulled away from Shepard. She sniffled once and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Is there anything that you need? Anything that I can do for you, Shepard?” Liara asked.

“Yeah, you can go tell all the slackers out there that I’m up and they better get back to work. Oh, and bring me my laptop. I doubt Dr. Chakwas is going to let me out of this bed yet,” Shepard glanced up to see Dr. Chakwas shake her head, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t still be productive.”

“Of course, Shepard,” Liara said leaving the room.

Dr. Chakwas moved back to Shepard’s side, “So, are we not going to talk about the elephant in the room?”

“I don’t see any elephant,” Shepard smirked.

“Commander, you told Liara you heard voices screaming in your head,” Dr. Chakwas said crossing her arms.

“Oh, that elephant,” Shepard mumbled.

“Yes, that elephant,” Dr. Chakwas watched Shepard quietly for a moment before continuing, “What were these voices saying, Commander?”

Shepard reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes closed, “Something about breaking a cycle. I’m not really sure, it was so loud. Like having a stadium full of people yelling inside my head.”

Shepard looked up at Dr. Chakwas who was taking notes on her omni-tool.

“Commander, with your permission I would like to consult with another doctor. She is an asari who has specialized in human psychology. She has had great success using the joining with her patients to help them to overcome mental illnesses,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“So… you do think I’m crazy, then,” Shepard was crestfallen.

“No, Commander. I do not. No mental illness would have caused this. Still, considering we do not understand really what it is that we’re dealing with here I think it is important that we call in someone who might be able to provide us some level of insight. It will also help later down the line, should I be called into question for the way I handled your case to have a second outside source involved,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“Dr. Chakwas, I’m not sure about bringing in unknown quantities. If word of this got out…,”Shepard said.

“I trust this woman, implicitly. She and I have worked together in the past and I consider her to be a trusted colleague and friend. I firmly believe that there is more risk involved by not bringing her in, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas insisted.

Shepard sighed, “Alright, I guess. Sure.”

“Thank you, Commander. I will contact Dr. Tulina right away. I expect she will be more than willing to charter a shuttle to bring her right to us,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“Where are we, doc?” Shepard asked.

“Still in the Attican Beta cluster. Joker took us to the last destination you entered before you were hurt. We’re in the Hercules system. Joker has us orbiting Eletania. He said that you were contacted by Alliance Command?” Dr. Chakwas said.

“Yeah, they wanted me to look into a surveillance drone that was shot down. Joker must have taken the liberty of scanning for it while I was out,” Shepard said.

“Indeed. It seems you have made quite the impression on our pilot, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“Why, because he flew us where I told him, too? Because, you know, that’s kinda his job…” Shepard said.

“No, because I’ve never seen Joker leave that cockpit if he didn’t have to,” Dr. Chakwas said, “But he came down here to sit with you while you were out. Granted he didn’t really say much. He just sat next to your bed drinking coffee – to spite me, no doubt and read a book. The old kind from Earth – with actual paper. I haven’t a clue where he got it. Anyway, he sat there for about an hour or so and then stood up without a word, patted your shoulder and left.”

Shepard smiled before laying her head back against the pillow.

“You know, you really should find him a medication that doesn’t make him have to pee so often,” Shepard said.

Dr. Chakwas laughed, “He’s such a big baby. He finds something to complain about with every medication we’ve tried. No, I’m afraid this one has provided the best results. At least when he remembers to take it.”

Shepard lifted a palm before letting it drop back down to the bed, “I tried. Do me a favor, doc? Let him know I’m up. Liara probably won’t think to go to tell him.”

“Of course, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Liara returned a few minutes later with Kaidan. Kaidan was carrying Shepard’s laptop in his arms and Liara was carrying a covered tray. Liara sat the tray down on a side table before pulling a hospital bedside table over to Shepard, sliding the legs of it under her bed and adjusting it to her height. Kaidan put the laptop down next to the tray Liara brought in and moved to stand next to Shepard.

“Commander, you gave us all quite a scare. How are you feeling?” Kaidan asked.

“Hungover,” Shepard said simply.

Kaidan smiled, “Yeah I hear Dr. Chakwas said you’ll probably feel like crap for a few days.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be back on my feet by tomorrow,” Shepard said.

“No, you most certainly will not! You need to stay in this bed at least two more days, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas chastised.

“I’m sure someone will bust me out of this joint,” Shepard winked conspiratorially at Kaidan making him chuckle. 

“I don’t know, Commander. I think Dr. Chakwas might be just a tad scarier than you. I mean, she has syringes and scalpels. You only have guns and biotics,” Kaidan said.

“Pffft. What’s the matter, Kaidan? Afraid you might wake up a little less of a man than you were before she got a hold of you?” Shepard teased.

A delicate gasp escaped Liara’s lips as her cheeks darkened. Shepard couldn’t help but to laugh which she instantly regretted. She winced and grabbed her forehead. Dr. Chakwas started to fill a syringe with a clear liquid from a small vial.

“No, doc, nothing that strong. I’m finally awake, I want to stay that way,” Shepard said.

“If you insist,” Dr. Chakwas said putting the vial and syringe aside before moving to riffle through the contents of a shelf, “Here, it’s a stronger version of the same patches I’ve been giving you for your headaches. It won’t make you drowsy.”

Shepard nodded and let the doctor place the patch behind her ear. Liara sat the tray down in front of Shepard and uncovered a bowl of fresh fruit, hot tea, and a bran muffin. Shepard crinkled her nose.

“What? No bacon and eggs?” Shepard said.

“No, Commander. Dr. Chakwas informed me that you are to only have mild foods to start. I do not believe we even have bacon and eggs anyway. I was happy to find fresh fruit in the stasis chamber of the refrigerator,” Liara said.

Shepard grunted and looked at Dr. Chakwas like she was a traitor.

The doctor only gave her a motherly smile and said, “Eat it slowly. If you start to feel sick at all let me know.”

The day was spent in boredom, filling out overdue reports and browsing the extranet. Shepard found several videos of predators from Earth and other human colonies to send to Wrex. He responded to one saying that if krogan new how to swim, he’d have fun ripping apart a shark. Another message from him later requested that they take a trip to Earth someday so he could fight a polar bear. Shepard told him that the polar bears were nearly extinct and protected by Earth’s federal laws. He told her that only meant that they had to make sure no one else ever found out.

Her crew showed up throughout the day to check on her. Liara came and went, fretting over her like a mother hen. Garrus sat with her for quite a while mostly talking shop about weapons and retelling stories of his days in C-Sec. His eyes stayed glued to her the entire time like she might disappear if he looked away. He only left when Ashley came in to bring her lunch and talk about her sisters. Shepard wondered if those two would ever really grow to be comfortable around one another.

Tali came by in the afternoon, “Commander Shepard, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. Every time I stopped by someone else was already in here and Dr. Chakwas said it was important that you not be overwhelmed with too many visitors at once. Do you feel up for some company now?”

“Hey, Tali! It’s good to see you. Of course, come sit with me,” Shepard patted the edge of her bed and grinned. “I hear you got your first eyeful of a mostly naked human. Hope it wasn’t too traumatic for you.”

“Traumatic? Shepard, please,” Tali waved a dismissive hand in the air, “The only thing traumatic about it was reconciling the idea that it was safe for you to be without your suit – I mean clothes. To undress a sick or injured quarian outside of complete quarantine would be the same as signing their death warrant. Besides, from what I saw, your body is really not that different from my own.”

“Uh, good to know. I guess. Anyway, thanks for helping out. Dr. Chakwas said she was impressed with your composure during the whole thing. She wondered if you had medical training on the flotilla,” Shepard said.

“Everyone on the flotilla has some level of training, but it only really applies to helping injured quarians. Because of our immune systems, it’s necessary that every quarian know how to handle themselves in a medical emergency and to be prepared to help however they can. I was honored that Dr. Chakwas asked for my aid,” Tali said.

Wrex was the next to make his way in to the med bay. He said that Tali yelled at him on her way back down to Engineering until he agreed to come up in person. Shepard had to fight the urge to laugh. The ache in her head was finally starting to dissipate and she didn’t want to aggravate it again. He didn’t stay long, though. He was clearly uncomfortable in the brightly lit, sterile environment and Wrex was never big on small talk.

On his way out he said, “I can’t believe you’re still lying around, Shepard. We’ve got work to do.”

“I know, Wrex. I know. Doctor’s orders. I’ll be up soon and we’ll be back to blowing the heads off of geth in no time,” Shepard said.

Wrex grunted, “Good.”

The door opened to reveal Joker limping towards the med bay carrying two cups of steaming coffee. Joker didn’t pause as he made his way past the looming krogan.

“Pilot,” Wrex said.

“Mercenary,” Joker said.

Wrex chuckled and left the med bay. Joker slowly made his way over to Shepard and carefully set one of the cups down next to her laptop. Shepard’s eyes lit up as she lifted the steaming cup to her lips and inhaled the rich scent. Joker set his own cup down on the small table next to the chair sitting beside her bed before carefully lowering himself into it. He lifted his cup up in salute before taking a sip.

“So, not dead,” Joker said.

“Not dead,” Shepard agreed.

“I was half convinced this was a sick prank you were pulling as pay back for my liberal use of the intercom,” Joker said.

Shepard chuckled, “You think I’d let them cut up my favorite shirt and sit around in this bed just to get one over on you? Your ego’s even bigger than I thought.”

Joker’s lip twitched, “Wishful thinking, I suppose.”

“Wasn’t sure Dr. Chakwas would let you have coffee. She always yells at me for drinking it, but she said it has anti-inflammatory qualities or some crap. Said it might actually be good for you right now, if your stomach could handle it,” Joker said.

“Caffeine is supposed to have negative effects on bone density,” Shepard said taking another sip.

“Thank you, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas said over her shoulder from her spot at her desk.

“Don’t encourage the tyrant, Commander,” Joker said.

Dr. Chakwas scoffed.

“So who’s flying the ship?” Shepard asked.

“It’s on auto. We’re in orbit, but I stuck Kaidan in the co-pilot’s seat to watch things before I came down here,” Joker responded.

“You scanned the system while I was out?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah, figured it’s what you would have had me do anyway. Picked up the signal on Eletania. No sign of geth, or any other activity in the space around us so put us in orbit. I’ve got constant monitoring up, so we’ll be alerted if anyone else comes around. We can sit here for as long as you need,” Joker said.

“Thanks, Joker,” Shepard took another sip of her coffee.

“Just doing my job, ma’am,” he said.

“I don’t think bringing your bedridden Commander coffee and coming to sit by her side while she’s unconscious is in your job description, but I’ll be happy to put it there if it makes you feel better,” Shepard smiled.

Joker smirked, “Only if it comes with a pay raise.”

They finished their coffee in the comfortable silence they were used to sharing with one another. When Shepard put her empty cup down, Joker pulled himself up from the chair and took her cup.

“I’d better get back up there, Commander. See ya,” Joker said as he made slow progress towards the door.

“Later, Joker,” she said.

An hour later, even with the caffeine pumping through her system, Shepard fell into a fitful sleep. She dreamt she was surrounded by swarms of insects, their buzzing filling her ears and rattling around in her skull. She saw people standing in odd positons, frozen like statues. Their bodies flickered with a strange light and thick, black tendrils of shadow licked and swirled around them.

Shepard was woken the next morning by the sounds of voices in her room. The buzzing still sounded in her mind. It waxed and waned, filling her head one moment and then barely recognizable the next. She opened her eyes to see Dr. Chakwas talking to an asari she had never seen before. When Shepard shifted to sit up, the two other women turned to look at her before walking over to her bed.

“Commander Shepard, this is Dr. Tulina. She has agreed to consult on your case and to stay aboard the Normandy for as long as you agree to her presence here,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard looked over the asari doctor, taking in her sapphire skin and her dusty rose markings that lined her head and face. The doctor stood silently with her hands clasped in front of her. A soft smile touched her lips. She held herself with that presence of ancient wisdom and calm that the asari were so good at portraying.

“Hello, Dr. Tulina. Thank you for coming on such short notice,” Shepard managed.

“It is an honor to be asked to serve aboard a Spectre ship, even if only temporarily. Dr. Chakwas and I are old friends, so naturally I am pleased that she has trusted me enough to handle your delicate situation. I wish to assure you, her trust was not misplaced. I will help in whatever way that I can, and will tell no one of anything that I learn here until asked by Dr. Chakwas or yourself to do so,” Dr. Tulina said.

“I’m glad to hear that, Doctor,” Shepard said.

“I will need some time to review your files but if I understand what Dr. Chakwas told me, you were joined with another asari when this incident occurred. Is this correct?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“Yeah, Dr. Liara T’soni. She’s here helping me on my mission. Her office is right over there,” Shepard pointed to the door at the fare end of the med bay.

“Excellent, then with your permission, I would like to speak with Dr. T’soni about what she experienced with the joining. If you both consent, I would like to join with Dr. T’soni to review her experience as she recalls it in her mind. I do not think at this time it would be wise to attempt any further joining with your own mind until we understand more about what is happening,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard nodded slowly, “Yeah, sure. If she’s OK with it.”

“I’ll go get Dr. T’soni,” Dr. Chakwas said turning towards Liara’s office.

“Dr. Chakwas has assured me that she has no reason to suspect that you are suffering from any mental illness. She has briefly informed me of your experience with the prothean beacon, and the accompanying side effects that you have experienced,” Dr. Tulina paused. “She would like, however, for me to evaluate you from a psychological standpoint keeping your medical history and interaction with the beacon in mind. This is a formality, I assure you. To assure that we have covered all of our bases, as you humans say.”

Shepard groaned but nodded her assent.

“Excellent, we will plan on performing the full evaluation tomorrow morning after I have had the opportunity to read your files and speak with Dr. T’soni. This will also allow your body more time to recover,” Dr. Tulina said.

Dr. Chakwas returned with Liara. Shepard watched as the two asari bowed their heads to one another and introductions were made. Liara seemed more than happy to do whatever Dr. Tulina asked of her if it would help Shepard. She could tell that Liara still felt responsible for whatever had happened and the asari wasn’t going to let go of that very easily. The two asari retreated to Liara’s office to talk further, and Shepard supposed, to join minds in private.

While they were gone, Shepard convinced Dr. Chakwas to let her get out of the bed and take back her dignity by using the restroom on her own. Shepard waited while Dr. Chakwas unhooked the IV from the drip and taped the small plastic tube to her arm so it wouldn’t be in the way. Dr. Chakwas stood next to Shepard, her hands out ready to stabilize her in case she started to fall. Shepard threw the sheet back and let her legs slide over the edge of the bed. She fought back the dizzy feeling as her body changed positions and tried to ignore the faint buzzing in her head. After a few seconds she slid forward and let her feet touch the floor before pushing away from the bed.

Shepard took her time making her way to the restroom with Dr. Chakwas by her side the entire time. She was grateful for the supportive presence, but was annoyed when the doctor insisted on going into the restroom with Shepard. At least she didn’t try to help her onto the toilet, Shepard thought.

When she was finished they made their way slowly back to Shepard’s bed. She hated herself for feeling relief when she lowered herself back down to the thin mattress. Dr. Chakwas flushed her IV with saline before reestablishing the drip and then went to go get Shepard breakfast.

A long hour passed before Liara and Dr. Tulina came back into the med bay. Liara seemed far more relaxed than she did when they went in so Shepard supposed that was a good sign. Dr. Chakwas looked up from her desk and met Dr. Tulina’s gaze. For the briefest of moments Shepard thought she saw something pass between the two. A look of particular fondness and familiarity that went beyond mere colleagues or even friendship. Oh my, Dr. Chakwas, Shepard thought with a grin.

The three doctors spent some time huddled together discussing Shepard. With the exception of the occasional glance over their shoulders in her direction, they seemed to forget that she was even there in the room. Shepard tried not to be annoyed over their secretiveness but it was getting under her skin. After a few minutes she cleared her throat.

“So? What’s the word?” Shepard asked.

Liara broke away from the other two and came to Shepard’s side.

“They are just discussing different possibilities. To be honest, much of what they are saying is beyond me,” Liara said.

“So did you let her look in your head?” Shepard asked.

“Yes. Dr. Tulina was able to view my memories of our joining with a clarity that would be impossible to convey with simple words. She was just as baffled by what I found as I was,” Liara said.

“Hey, that’s good then. At least it means she doesn’t think I’m crazy,” Shepard smiled.

“No one here believes that you are crazy, Shepard,” Liara assured her.

“There is evidence that the protheans were able to communicate memories through touch. Perhaps, when you encountered the beacon, you picked up other latent memories?” Liara offered.

“I don’t think that’s what this is, Liara. The things I’ve been seeing and doing… they’re all related to my life not a prothean’s. And memories couldn’t account for knowing what’s about to happen before it does,” Shepard said quietly.

Liara sighed, “I know, Shepard. I am sorry. I just wish that I had something more to offer you.”

Shepard squeezed Liara’s hand, “Thanks, Liara.”

The rest of the day went by agonizingly slow. Dr. Tulina sat quietly at a table reading over Shepard’s records. She occasionally asked Shepard, Liara, or Dr. Chakwas for clarification on something she found but otherwise she stayed quiet. Dr. Chakwas came and went checking Shepard’s vitals and helping her to the bathroom when she needed to go. She even allowed Shepard to take a shower on her own. Moving around got easier each time Shepard got up, so Dr. Chakwas was contented to stay outside of the bathroom while Shepard showered as long as Shepard left the door cracked.

Shepard had assumed that the near constant buzzing in her head was a side effect of the inflammation. When she asked Dr. Chakwas how long that should last, Shepard was told that it was not related to the brain inflammation and was scolded for not telling Dr. Chakwas about it sooner. Shepard then spent twenty minutes going over a checklist of symptoms with Dr. Chakwas because she couldn’t convince the woman that there wasn’t anything else she was forgetting to tell her.

Shepard was glad when it was late enough that she could justify going to sleep for the night. She settled into the bed and pulled the blankets up under her chin. The incessant buzzing was actually somehow comforting, lulling Shepard to sleep before long.

She was in the Mako, driving across the mossy surface of a planet. She had come to collect the data module from a downed surveillance drone for the Alliance. Her scanners picked up an anomaly nearby, so she veered the Mako towards it. In the distance, she could see prothean ruins. As they got closer she could see a large, metallic orb floating in the center. Liara would never forgive her if she didn’t check it out. She pulled over and left the Mako. A slot in the orb drew her attention and she risked the biohazard of the planet long enough to take off a gauntlet so she could fit the small trinket the asari Consort had given her into the slot.

            Dawn Shepard’s wounded subconscious scrabbled for answers breaking into her dream, “What’s this, where am I?”

            _“Eletania,”_ a voice whispered in response.

            “Who is that? Who’s there?” Shepard asked.

            _“Dawn?! Dawn can you hear me?”_ the whispering voice asked.

            “Show yourself, damn it!” Shepard roared.

He was chasing monkeys around. Tali had gotten upset when Shepard shot one of them to make his life easier, so now he was doing this the hard way. Every damn monkey he checked didn’t have the data module so they were getting back into the Mako to move to the last location. They’d programmed the scanners to track the little nuisances. Wrex called them pyjaks.

 _“Shepard, you have to listen to me…”_ the whispered voice faded into buzzing.

“What? Where are you? Listen to what?” Shepard asked.

            _“… cycle… keep dying… we have to make it stop!”_ the voice flowed in and out between the buzzing sounds.

They were deep in a mining shaft, Shepard didn’t know how the monkeys had managed to get in here but they had taken over the place. Finally, one of them dropped the data module. They were leaving to go back to the Mako but were ambushed by geth. They must have come in the mine behind Shepard’s team.

“What fucking cycle? And what is that gods be damned buzzing? Hello?” Shepard’s subconscious yelled.

 _“Damn it. Can you hear me?”_ the voice whispered.

“Yeah, I can hear you. Who the hell are you?” Shepard demanded.

 _“We are you,”_ the whispering said.

Shepard awoke with a start, sitting up in the hospital bed her eyes darted around the room frantically. Dr. Chakwas was rushing to her side, Shepard could see her mouth moving but all she could hear was the buzzing in her head. Dr. Tulina stood from her desk and crossed the room, concern written all over her face. Shepard’s eyes darted between the two women. They were both talking but Shepard couldn’t hear them. She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them again Dr. Chakwas was scanning her with the omni-tool.

“… inflammation is down… oxygen normal… understand why…” Dr. Chakwas voice was beginning to cut through.

Dr. Tulina was reaching her hands out towards Shepard’s face.

“… do it…” Dr. Chakwas voice said.

“… join…” Dr. Tulina said looking at Shepard.

Shepard nodded her head and the doctor placed her hands on her face. Shepard saw the asari’s eyes turn black and she let her own eyes close. The buzzing grew louder almost to the point of pain and then suddenly it stopped. It was completely silent. Shepard couldn’t hear the doctors talking or moving. She couldn’t even hear her own breathing.

She was standing in emptiness, alone and blissfully silent. A figure appeared in the distance slowly walking towards Shepard. As it got closer, Shepard recognized the figure of Dr. Tulina. She stopped a few feet in front of Shepard.

“Hello, Commander Shepard,” Dr. Tulina said clasping her hands in front of her.

“Dr. Tulina. What’s going on, where are we?” Shepard asked.

“We are inside your mind, Commander. A temporary quiet space that I have created so that we may talk,” Dr. Tulina said.

“Temporary?” Shepard asked.

“Yes, I am afraid so. When the joining ends, whatever sounds you were hearing will most likely return to you,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard sat down and draped her arms across her knees. A moment later Dr. Tulina moved beside her and took up the same posture.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“I was dreaming about…” Shepard cut off when the nothingness shifted and she found herself sitting on the mossy ground of Eletania.

“Do not be alarmed, Shepard. This is good. This is simply your memory. It cannot harm you in any way. I was not sure if you would be able to pull up a complete recall or not. Most humans have difficulty with this,” Dr. Tulina said. “In this way, I will be able to see exactly what you saw. Hear exactly what you heard, and even share in your emotional and psychological responses that you had at that time.”

Shepard stayed quiet for a long moment before continuing, “I was dreaming about being in the Mako on Eletania…”

Shepard trailed off again but the memory kept going. Dr. Tulina watched as Shepard’s dream played out around them. Dr. Tulina put a hand up to halt Shepard. The dream paused around them.

“Commander Shepard, is this yourself you are dreaming of?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“Yes, but I’ve never been here before. Why?” Shepard asked.

“Commander, look closely at what you are seeing through your dreams eyes,” Dr. Tulina paused to watch Shepard.

Shepard looked at the image of her body standing in front of the orb. She didn’t understand what it was the doctor wanted her to see until finally something stood out.

“Oh my gods… that’s not my hand,” Shepard gasped.

The offending hand in question had longer, thinner fingers and a much darker skin tone than Shepard’s.

“But it’s me. I can… I can feel it,” Shepard said.

“Try to stay calm, Commander. Let us finish the memory,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard stared at the hand a moment longer before the memory began to play out again. Dr. Tulina stirred beside Shepard when Shepard’s voice rang out in the dream and was responded to by a second whispering voice but she stayed quiet and only observed. Shepard sat focused beside the doctor, taking in every scrap and every detail.

“That’s my voice, isn’t it?” Shepard asked quietly and the memory paused. “The whispering… it’s my voice.”

“I believe so, Commander Shepard,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard turned to look at the woman, “What does that mean?”

“I am afraid I do not have an answer for you,” Dr. Tulina said calmly.

Shepard let the memory continue. She stopped it again when the image showed her glancing down at her body. His body. It was a male’s torso, not her own body by any means. Shepard put a hand over her mouth and looked at the scene for long quiet minutes.

“Is this still you that you were dreaming about, Commander?” Dr. Tulina asked quietly from beside her.

Shepard slowly shook her head. Dr. Tulina did not press Shepard, only sat quietly with her until she was ready to let the memory continue. When it did, the two voices of Shepard had returned accompanied by the buzzing Shepard had been hearing.

Shepard saw Dr. Tulina flinch when the geth showed up and paused the memory.

“Are you sure you want to see the fighting, Dr. Tulina?” Shepard asked.

“I am certain, please continue,” Dr. Tulina said and so Shepard did.

The memory faded away replaced by the nothingness once more. The quiet echo of the whispering voice proclaiming ‘we are you’ was a bit slower to fade. Shepard and Dr. Tulina sat in silence next to each other for a few minutes before Dr. Tulina spoke.

“What does seeing this again make you think, Commander?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“That I’m far crazier than even I thought,” Shepard responded.

“I do not believe that to be true, Commander. I have been inside many human minds suffering from one form of mental illness or another and yours is nothing like theirs. I felt the veil that Dr. T’soni spoke of. I built this place up around us in the small places between it and your own mind,” Dr. Tulina said.

“What is it?” Shepard whispered.

“I am afraid I do not know, but I am firmly convinced of two things. The first, it was not caused by the beacon and is not of prothean origins. The second, this veil, it is a part of you yet it does not originate from you,” Dr. Tulina said.

“What the hell does that mean? Like it’s some kind of parasite or something?” Shepard asked.

“No, it does not have a physical existence of any sort. Every scan Dr. Chakwas has taken, every blood sample, every urine sample has been clean of any traces of anything unusual. I doubt that anything outside of joining with an asari would have ever revealed it at all,” Dr. Tulina paused. “In fact, I think that any joining with any other asari besides Dr. T’soni would not have ever revealed the veil.”

“What’s special about Liara?” Shepard asked.

“You are what is special about Liara. Rather, you are special to Liara. Her fondness for you instilled a diligence in her that any other asari would not have had. I doubt that even I with my years of experience in my chosen field would have noted the veil had I not already seen it in Liara’s mind,” Dr. Tulina said.

“I had no idea I meant so much to Liara,” Shepard said.

“Yes, well, perhaps that is something the two of you should discuss together?” Dr. Tulina suggested.

Shepard nodded, “So what now?”

“Now, if you will, I would like to see what happened when you woke up just before I brought you here,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard let the memory unfold around them, her jaw clenching at the buzzing sound. When it was finished she looked to Dr. Tulina.

“You were terrified. I imagine I would have felt much the same,” Dr. Tulina said softly.

“What do you think that sound is?” Shepard asked.

Dr. Tulina sat quietly in thought; she pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side.

“I think that the buzzing is the sound the whispering voice makes when it can’t break through,” Dr. Tulina said.

“Like static on a radio?” Shepard asked.

“Indeed. I think that you are hearing the voice when you are awake as well, but for some reason either it isn’t strong enough to always be heard, or your will is too strong for it to break through,” the doctor said.

“It only just started after Liara and I joined minds. The other symptoms – I assume you read about them?” Shepard paused and Dr. Tulina nodded. “They started shortly after the beacon and have grown stronger. We thought that it must be the beacon that caused them.”

“The reports said that you heard a screaming in your mind during the joining. Liara heard a distant whispering that she couldn’t make out,” Dr. Tulina began. “It is my belief, now, that the veil took advantage of the altered state of consciousness Liara’s joining induced and broke through enough to deliver a message to you. One that came in the form of screaming in your mind yet was only a passable whisper in Liara’s mind. I believe that the sheer force that it must have taken the veil – perhaps we should think of another name for whatever it is – is what caused your physical symptoms.”

Shepard waved her hand around, “And now that it has its foot in the door, so to speak, it isn’t letting go but the door is closed enough that it can’t barge through.”

Dr. Tulina chuckled, “That sounds like an adequate metaphor. For what it is worth, it does not appear that it means you harm but it is desperate to be heard. My suggestion is that you learn to listen,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard threw her head back and laughed, “You want me to listen to the voices in my head? That’s priceless. Never thought I’d hear a shrink say that.”

Dr. Tulina smiled, “Yes well, I suppose I am not your average ‘shrink’.”

“No, I suppose not,” Shepard said.

Dr. Tulina rose to her feet so Shepard did the same.

“You might also try talking to it,” Dr. Tulina said. “Often times when we talk, we are subconsciously admitting a willingness to also listen. It is the nature of conversation.”

“What should I even say?” Shepard asked.

Dr. Tulina smirked, “You might start by asking it to stop yelling. I am sorry, but I feel myself weakening. I must retreat now and end the joining.”

“Wait, Dr. Tulina. In case I’m not able to say it when this is over: thank you,” Shepard said.

“It was my pleasure, Commander,” Dr. Tulina said.

The figure of Dr. Tulina began to fade and with it the place of quiet nothingness.


	17. Chapter 16: Foreknowledge Is Power

**Chapter 16: Foreknowledge Is Power**

            Shepard had hoped that Dr. Tulina’s personal escapades into her mind would remove the need for the psych eval. Evidently she was sorely mistaken. The doctor was giving her the full works and Shepard was starting to think that if she ever had to look at another ink blot, somebody was going to lose some teeth.

            After Dr. Tulina’s emergency joining had ended, the buzzing in Shepard’s brain returned with full force. It lowered in volume almost immediately after. Shepard wondered if the veil was somehow pissed off that it had been denied access to her mind for that short time. Either way, she was happy that it calmed down and had stayed relatively manageable throughout the rest of the morning. Shepard had taken Dr. Tulina’s advice and was now talking to the veil, though only silently in her thoughts. She’d be damned if she let anyone hear her talking out loud to the voices in her head. Voices, plural. She might have only heard one voice in the dream, but she remembered all too clearly the sounds of countless voices during her joining with Liara. Now she just thought of them collectively as ‘the veil’. She hadn’t said much to it so far, mostly just told it that she knew it was there and if it could please try to talk a little quieter, she would work on trying to figure out how to hear it more clearly. If the level of buzzing was any indication, the veil seemed content with that.

            “Why do we need to talk about Mindoir?” Shepard asked Dr. Tulina.

            “Because, Commander, it was an incredibly traumatic event and those tend to stick with us throughout life. Especially when the trauma occurs when we are as young as you were on Mindoir,” Dr. Tulina said.

            “But I’m fine with it. Well, I’m not _fine_ with it, obviously, but I mean I’ve dealt with it as much as anyone ever can. I spent years in therapy after watching my parents get slaughtered by the batarians. I passed the Alliance’s psych eval when I signed up,” Shepard said.

            “I understand that, Commander, but with all due respect I have been informed of a recent event that took place on the Citadel in which you were called in to help talk down a woman with a gun, a woman that had been captured during the same raid on Mindoir. I was told that you had somewhat of an emotional break down on the Citadel shortly after,” Dr. Tulina said.

            “Ah,” Shepard said.

            “Ah?” Dr. Tulina repeated.

            “That might have been a lie. Still, Liara shouldn’t have told you that, it was a private moment,” Shepard said.

            “How was it a lie, Commander?” Dr. Tulina asked indulgently.

            “I wasn’t breaking down because of Talitha. I mean, yeah, it hurt like hell seeing her like that and I had a moment of guilt knowing that I escaped that same torture when she wasn’t as lucky but I was upset about something completely different,” said Shepard.

            “What were you upset about, Commander?” Dr. Tulina asked.

            For Shepard’s privacy, Dr. Chakwas had agreed to allow the psych eval to take place in Shepard’s cabin. Shepard was now sitting across from Dr. Tulina in much the same positions as she had from Liara that last time she was in there.

            Shepard squirmed in her chair, “I saw something… unsettling. And I thought I was going crazy.”

            “What did you see, Commander?” Dr. Tulina pressed.

            Shepard squirmed again and scratched at her head, “This is completely confidential, right? I mean, you can’t even give Dr. Chakwas my specific answers to any of these questions, right?”

            “This is something you don’t want Dr. Chakwas to know?” Dr. Tulina asked.

            “That’s not an answer,” Shepard narrowed her eyes.

            “Very well. Yes, Commander. This is completely confidential and I cannot divulge your specific answers to anyone else without your explicit permission unless I deem your responses to be indicative that you are a threat to yourself or someone else,” Dr. Tulina said.

            “I haven’t actually told this to Dr. Chakwas. I mean, I let her know that I had been getting flashes of things but I didn’t give her specifics,” Shepard said.

            “Commander Shepard, you are avoiding answering the question,” Dr. Tulina gently chided.

            Shepard sighed, “I was in the middle of talking to an asari diplomat in a bar on the Citadel. Nassana Dantius. I won’t go into the details of our conversation right now, they aren’t important. Anyway, I closed my eyes for a second and suddenly it was like I was standing somewhere else.”

Shepard leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees, “I was in an office somewhere with people I’m pretty sure I’ve never met in my life but somehow knew. Nassana was standing across from me behind a desk with armed mercs behind her. A tile in the ceiling slid over and a drell dropped into the room. He killed them all in a heartbeat. It was crazy the way he moved. Definitely a professional. So yeah, anyway, I was freaked out because one minute I was talking to Nassana on the Citadel, the next I was watching her be murdered in an office god knows where.”

Dr. Tulina quietly typed on her datapad for a moment, “And did you try to warn Nassana that you thought her life might be in danger?”

Shepard scoffed, “You’re joking, right?”

“Why would I be joking?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh hey, by the way, I know this sounds completely crazy but I just had a vision of you being murdered at some point in an office somewhere by a drell assassin.’ Come on, doc, you can’t be serious?” said Shepard.

Dr. Tulina moved on to her next question and Shepard sighed in frustration. She raked a hand through her hair and started pacing the room. Why do these things have to take so damn long, Shepard thought. At least she was able to actually pace without feeling like she was going to fall face first to the floor.

An hour later and they were finally done. Dr. Tulina stood and put a hand on Shepard’s shoulder. Shepard looked at the other woman and raised an eyebrow.

“Thank you, Commander. Trust me; these evaluations are excruciatingly long for me as well. You did well, though. I will work on putting together the formal report today and have it submitted to your medical records for the Normandy by this evening. You have nothing to worry about. Well, at least from the psych eval,” Dr. Tulina said giving Shepard’s shoulder a squeeze.

Shepard breathed a sigh of relief, “Thanks, Dr. Tulina.”

Shepard grudgingly made her way back to the med bay. She swore she was sleeping in her own bed tonight whether Dr. Chakwas liked it or not. She sat down in the chair next to the hospital bed and Dr. Chakwas frowned. Shepard pretended not to see as she picked up a datapad and began scrolling through her reports.

After the joining, when Dr. Tulina filled Dr. Chakwas in on what she had discovered, Dr. Chakwas had been very skeptical. She had insisted on performing more scans and tests right away but Dr. Tulina had convinced her to give Shepard some time to try to take control over the situation. Shepard was grateful for Dr. Tulina’s interference, even if Dr. Chakwas was decidedly not. Dr. Chakwas wasn’t going to forget so easily though and Shepard could see her opening her omni-tool for another scan now. Shepard sighed and set the datapad aside.

“Alright, doc, go ahead,” Shepard said.

The doctor passed her omni-tool in front of Shepard several times, checking the screen after each pass. She clucked her tongue before finally closing the omni-tool. Shepard raised an eyebrow in silent question.

“I’m still not finding anything out of the ordinary, Commander. You’ll be happy to know that the inflammation is mostly gone at this point, however. I believe you will be able to return to active duty in a few more days if you continue to progress at this pace,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“A few more days?! You said I had to stay in here two more days when I woke up!” Shepard said.

“I said you could leave the bed after two days, I did not say you could go planet side and get shot at after two days, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard groaned, “Doc, you’re killing me.”

Dr. Chakwas chuckled, “Now you sound like Joker.”

Shepard scrunched up her nose, “I’m going to go put on some real clothes and I’m sleeping in my own bed tonight.”

Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow, “Very well, Commander. I can link your omni-tool to mine and watch your vitals from here. You must leave your door unlocked, however, so that I can get to you if needed.”

Shepard grinned with the victory and stood up to leave. She heard Dr. Tulina’s soft chuckle and turned to see the woman’s back shaking with suppressed laughter. Shepard kind of liked Dr. Tulina, she might keep her around for a while. She left the med bay and headed straight for her cabin waving at Kaidan and Ashley along the way. Shepard noticed that Ashley had been spending a lot of her free time at Kaidan’s station, and she had a lot of free time with Shepard being stuck in the med bay.

“Need help, Commander?” Ashley asked.

“Nope, I got this, Chief. Thanks,” Shepard said.

In her cabin, Shepard didn’t even wait until she had fresh clothes set out before stripping off the hospital gown and tossing it at her desk. She was bent over with her ass in the air digging through her footlocker when her cabin door slid open behind her.

“Oh, crap, sorry ma’am,” Ashley’s startled voice said.

Shepard jumped and turned around to see Ashley and Kaidan standing in her doorway. Ashley’s hand was up covering Kaidan’s eyes. Kaidan’s face was beet red and Ashely was laughing. Shepard grabbed the sheet from her bed and wrapped it around herself before waving at Ashley to leave Kaidan be. Ashley dropped her hand but Kaidan kept his eyes on the ceiling.

“Sorry to bother you, ma’am,” Ashley said, “But Joker just contacted us with a report of geth activity on the planet below.”

“Damn it. OK, you two, suit up now,” Shepard said.

“Commander, with all due respect ma’am, you should let one of us lead this one. Dr. Chakwas hasn’t released you to active duty yet,” Kaidan said his eyes finally flickering to look at Shepard before returning to the ceiling.

Shepard opened her omni-tool, she hated to pull this card but she was going down there. She needed to see if the things from her dream were true. She used her omni-tool to call Dr. Chakwas.

“What is it, Commander? Is everything alright?” Dr. Chakwas voice came through.

“Geth have been spotted on the ground. Spectre authority. I’m going down. You can lock me in the med bay when I get back,” Shepard said.

Dr. Chakwas mouth formed a tight line, “Commander, I highly recommend against this course of action.”

“Noted,” Shepard said before ending the call.

She looked up at Kaidan and Ashley. Kaidan was frowning and she could feel the worry seeping off of him in waves. Ashley only smirked.

“Come on, LT, let’s get suited up,” Ashley said slapping the back of her hand against Kaidan’s stomach.

He grunted in response and left with Ashely. The buzzing in Shepard’s head began to grow louder so she sat down on the edge of her bed and tried to quiet her mind.

“What is it?” she asked the veil.

The buzzing lowered in volume but the intensity remained the same.

 _“… stupid… get yourself killed… not important… risk,”_ the faint voice broke through the noise.

Shepard shifted around uneasily on the bed.

“Holy shit. This is really happening,” Shepard whispered to the room.

The buzzing intensified, agitated by her response.

“OK, OK. Relax. I’m fine. It will be fine. I need to go, I need to see,” Shepard said.

The veil didn’t seem to like that too much as it continued to buzz loudly in her head. Shepard stood up and started getting dressed, doing her best to ignore the incoherent complaints. On her way out of her cabin she paused by the door to speak to the veil.

“I’m going, and that’s final. If you’re so concerned about my safety, then perhaps you should can it so I’m not distracted by your noise,” Shepard barked to the empty room.

The buzzing grew louder for a second before settling down to a barely there whisper in her mind.

“Thank you,” Shepard said.

Dr. Chakwas was waiting outside of Shepard’s cabin with a frown on her face and a handful of patches. Shepard took the patches and tucked them into a pocket.

“I’ll be fine, doc,” Shepard said.

Dr. Chakwas scoffed before turning her back to Shepard and walking away. Shepard got her armor and weapons before meeting the others at the Mako. She agreed to let Kaidan drive and Ashley man the guns to placate Kaidan’s concerns. They piled into the Mako and buckled in, prepared for the drop.

A few minutes later the cargo bay door opened and the Mako was being rolled to the edge. Those few seconds of freefall in the Mako were enough to make her question her own judgement as her head started to spin. When the Mako hit the ground, jostling her around she couldn’t stop the groan that escaped her lips. Kaidan’s eyes were locked on her when the Mako settled.

“I’m fine, let’s go,” Shepard said.

Kaidan frowned and checked the Mako’s scanners.

Shepard leaned forward and studied the screen, tapping an unmarked location to the north.

“We’re going there,” Shepard said.

“Commander, the drone’s signal is coming from there,” Kaidan said pointing to the marked location on the map.

“Yeah, but the data module isn’t there anymore. The monkeys stole it. It’s in a mine somewhere up here,” she said tapping the screen again.

Kaidan and Ashley were both quiet so Shepard looked up from the screen. Kaidan was looking at her like she was completely off her rocker. Shepard turned to look at Ashley who had an identical expression on her face. Her heart sank. She sat back in her seat and looked dead ahead.

“That’s an order, Lieutenant,” Shepard said firmly.

“Yes ma’am,” Kaidan said before pushing the Mako forward.

The ride to the abandoned mine shaft was full of tense silence. Shepard refused to look at either of her teammates. She thought about trying to explain the veil to them, but she somehow knew that they would only take that as further proof that she had lost her mind. Perhaps she could have Dr. Tulina and Liara explain it to the crew. That idea didn’t sit well with her so she pushed it aside for the time being. She wasn’t really sure that she wanted everyone to know about the veil. It had been hard enough when she thought all of this was caused by the beacon. At least that was something they knew existed, something they had tangible evidence of. The only evidence of the veil was the word of two asari and Shepard’s insistence that she was hearing voices in her head.

When the mineshaft loomed in the distance, Shepard felt Kaidan’s eyes on her again. She didn’t turn to meet his eyes. Kaidan pulled the Mako up to the ramp that led to the shaft, avoiding running over several small monkey-like creatures that were roaming around the area. Shepard unbuckled herself and hopped out before Kaidan could fumble his way around an apology, or ask any uncomfortable questions. Shepard was at the top of the ramp bypassing the lock on the shaft’s door when Ashley and Kaidan met up with her.

“If one of these monkeys has the data module, how’d they get into a locked mine shaft?” Ashley asked.

“I don’t know, Williams. But obviously someone locked the door behind them. My guess is that it was the geth, be ready,” Shepard said.

The door slid open and with guns out the group made their way down the tunnel and into the cavernous room. Shepard walked past several more of the monkey creatures as she made her way to the doors at the back. She paused momentarily, before moving to the door on the right. It opened up to another tunnel leading down to another room. Shepard holstered her pistol and let her eyes roam over the handful of monkeys in the area. She took one hesitant step forward and felt the buzzing in her mind get a little louder. She felt… encouragement coming from the noise and so made her way purposely towards the monkey at the very back of the room.

Shepard bent down in front of the furry creature, “Come here you. You have something that doesn’t belong to you.”

She slid her hands under the monkey’s arms, intent on picking it up but the creature squirmed and made a chirping sound. It dropped the data module on the floor of the cave and scampered away from Shepard.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Ashley said as Shepard picked up the data module and handed it to Kaidan.

She took her gun out again and said, “They’re will be geth in the main room now.”

Kaidan looked chagrined as he secured the data module but didn’t speak. They turned and made their way back up the tunnel to face the geth. There was plenty of cover in the shaft; old abandoned crates littered the area. Shepard ducked behind the nearest one as the buzzing in her head replaced itself with that sixth sense she had called upon on Feros. Shepard anticipated the movements of the geth, avoiding their line of sight and dodging rockets as she moved from cover to cover. With each new position she took, more geth fell. Kaidan and Ashely stayed close to their Commander, their faith in her renewed but still concerned for her physical safety. Kaidan used his biotics to keep as many geth off of their feet as he could, and when one got a little too close for his comfort he would wrap it up in a Stasis until Shepard had moved to a safer location. Ashley kept her focus to the sides, picking off any of the geth that thought it wise to try to flank the team.

After a minute of constant gunfire, the room fell silent and the only sound Shepard could hear over her pounding head was her own labored breathing. She looked over the room, her eyes darting about checking and double checking that there were no more geth. When she was certain they were in the clear, she holstered her gun and made her way back towards the exit.

Once in the Mako again, Shepard dug out one of the patches Dr. Chakwas had given her, peeling the old one off she replaced it with a new one.

“Are you alright, Commander?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah, head hurts but I think it’s mostly from the echo of gunfire in the mine on top of whatever else is going on in there,” she said pointing to her head.

“I’ll call the Normandy for pickup,” he said.

“No, wait. There is something else here I wanted to see,” She leaned towards the map and studied the screen before pointing to the location of the prothean ruins.

She was glad Kaidan didn’t argue, only started driving to the location she indicated. She let her head relax against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. The buzzing had returned, but was staying at a low level. Soon, the medication was doing its job and the throbbing began to ease. She looked up when the Mako rolled to a stop.

“What is that thing?” Ashley asked from the back.

Shepard studied the silver globe, “Prothean.”

She opened the door of the Mako and hopped down to the mossy ground below. Ashley and Kaidan followed after her. Shepard was already digging around for the trinket that Shiala had given her back on the Citadel. It was a flat sheet of metal the size of a deck of cards with various shapes and lines cut out of it in some areas, and raised in others. She walked up to the globe and slid the trinket into the slot on the globe.  A blinding flash of light sent Shepard staggering back.

Kaidan reached out for Shepard, catching her in his arms before she could hit the ground.

“Shepard! Commander, what’s happening?” Kaidan yelled but Shepard did not respond.

“Lay her down, LT,” Ashley instructed and Kaidan lowered Shepard to the stone floor beneath the orb.

“Shore party to Normandy, do you copy?” Kaidan said into his radio.

“Normandy here,” Joker responded.

“You need to lock in on our location and get here on the double. The Commander has fainted again,” Kaidan said.

“On our way, Normandy out,” Joker said.

Shepard opened her eyes and started to push herself to her feet.

“No, Commander wait. You shouldn’t move, you passed out,” Ashley said.

“What the fuck was that?” Shepard asked rising to her feet despite Ashley’s protests.

Kaidan hovered nearby ready to catch her again if she started to fall.

“I don’t know, Commander. There was a flash of light and you just fell. LT caught you before you could hit the ground,” Ashley said.

“No, not the light. The rest of that? You guys didn’t see any of that?” Shepard asked confused.

“Sorry Commander, all we saw was a light and then you fell,” Kaidan said. “I thought you were hurt again, so I called the Normandy for pickup.”

Shepard could already see the Normandy flying towards them.

“Damn it, Dr. Chakwas is going to be all over my ass,” Shepard groaned.

“What did you see, Commander?” Kaidan asked.

“I… I think it was the memory of a caveman – Cro-Magnon or whatever you call them – who was abducted and tagged by protheans. I don’t know it was weird though, it wasn’t just images like with the beacon. It was like I _was_ the caveman, like I was living his life,” Shepard turned to look back at the orb and pulled the metal plate back out of the slot.

The Normandy arrived and they got back in the Mako to be picked up. When the Mako was secure in the cargo bay, Shepard got out only to be met with a pissed off looking Dr. Chakwas and a very worried Liara. Shepard held her hands up in surrender.

“I’m fine, I swear, I’m fine. It was the prothean device doing its thing,” Shepard said. “Go ahead, scan me.”

Dr. Chakwas opened her omni-tool and scanned Shepard right there in the cargo bay. Garrus stood by watching with amusement and Shepard smiled at him. His mouth shifted into a turian smile, his mandibles fluttering with inaudible laughter.

“Shepard, did you say prothean device?” Liara asked all traces of worry replaced with curiosity.

“Yeah, here, you keep this. I’ll tell you all about it when the doc is done convincing herself I’m not dying,” Shepard said handing Liara the trinket.

Dr. Chakwas scoffed, “You’re fine. The inflammation levels are the same. Your heart rate is a little high but its dropping.”

“See? Nothing to worry about,” Shepard said with a grin.

             Liara twirled the metal plate around in her hands, running her fingers over the ridges and grooves. Shepard was reminded of what Dr. Tulina said about Liara’s fondness for Shepard and knew that she was going to have to talk to Liara in private sometime very soon.

            “Still, Commander, I want you back in the med bay once you’re out of that armor,” Dr. Chakwas said.

            Shepard only responded with another grin. Dr. Chakwas turned and walked away. Liara followed at Shepard’s side as she made her way up to her locker. Shepard recounted the strange event from the prothean device as they went, answering Liara’s questions and providing her with as much detail as she could.

            “I do not know anything about human evolution, what time period would you say you were in?” Liara asked.

            Shepard scrunched up her nose as she stuffed her armor into the locker, “Liara, I honestly haven’t a clue. I’m a solider, that’s not really my field of expertise. I tell you what, do some research on human evolution and when Dr. Chakwas says that it’s safe, I’ll let you go digging around up there to see it all for yourself, OK?”

            “Oh, no, Shepard,” Liara took a step back and shook her head, “I do not think that is a very good idea. After what happened to you –.”

            Shepard cut her off by putting a hand on either shoulder. Liara looked up into Shepard’s eyes.

            “Liara, that was not your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for that,” Shepard said firmly.

            “But Commander, I –,” Liara started to say.

            “But nothing. It wasn’t your fault. Period. Dr. Tulina agrees and even Dr. Chakwas doesn’t think that it was the joining,” Shepard said letting her hands drop to her sides. “Look, Dr. Tulina told me that this thing… this veil… she said that she doesn’t think that anyone other than an asari – anyone other than you, ever would have been able to find it. I wouldn’t even know it was there if it weren’t for you.”

            “Perhaps not but if it had been an older asari, one more experienced, then perhaps…” Liara trailed off when she saw Shepard’s reproachful look.

            “Come on let’s go to your office. We need to talk,” Shepard said.

            Shepard led Liara through the med bay and towards her office door. Dr. Chakwas started to say something but Dr. Tulina reached out and placed a hand on Dr. Chakwas’ shoulder. Dr. Chakwas turned her head to Dr. Tulina and Dr. Tulina shook her head slightly before whispering something in the other woman’s ear.

            “I see,” Dr. Chakwas said before turning back to her desk.

            In Liara’s office, Shepard leaned against the wall next to the door. Liara laid the metal plate Shepard had given her carefully down on a shelf before slowly turning to face Shepard.

            “Liara, I think that I may have been overlooking something important. Something that had I realized before now… I want you to know that I wouldn’t have just brushed your feelings aside,” Shepard began hesitantly.

            Liara’s face began to take on a purple hue and she suddenly became very interested in her own hands. Shepard rubbed her forehead.

            “Gods I suck at this. What I’m trying to say is... it has been brought to my attention that you might have… feelings for me that maybe go beyond friendship?” Shepard paused realizing that it sounded more like a question than a statement.

            Liara wasn’t denying it though, so Shepard continued hoping that she wasn’t making a complete ass out of herself, “If I had known, I would have talked to you about this sooner. The last thing I want is to cause you or anyone else on this ship any kind of pain.”

            “Shepard, stop. You do not have to do this. I already know that what I feel is not reciprocated. I could feel that it was not there when we were joined. I know where your heart is leading you, and you need make no apologies for what you do or do not feel,” Liara said still studying her hands.

            “I – I don’t know what you mean about where my heart is leading me, but –,” Shepard started.

            “It’s Garrus,” Liara whispered.

            “What?” Shepard asked almost afraid to hear the answer again.

            “Your heart, it is leading you to Garrus. I had thought for a brief time that Kaidan’s obvious interest in you was going to win your heart, but then I heard that you turned him away. Then I had hoped… I thought that it might just be possible… I mean you seemed to really enjoy spending time with me,” Liara said.

            “I do enjoy spending time with you, Liara!” Shepard insisted.

            Liara continued on as if Shepard hadn’t spoken at all, “Then there was the confusion over Joker’s ship wide announcement.”

            “He was just giving me a hard time,” Shepard said.

            “Then, I joined with you again to search out the veil and while your attempts to quiet your mind were admirable, there were things that leaked through,” Liara said finally looking at Shepard with damp eyes. “Not just thoughts, but emotional responses to those thoughts. Some of them I admit were confusing to me, but there was one about Garrus that needed no explanation. It was a memory of him whispering in your ear, and the way your heart fluttered at the feeling of his breath on your skin.”

            “Liara, I – I’m not sure what it is that I feel for Garrus. Or why I even feel anything at all for him. I’m not going to try to lie to you and say that there isn’t something there, but whatever it is, it’s got no impact on what I do feel for you,” Shepard said.

            Liara swiped at the tears that had started to fall down her face.

            “Liara, to put it as simply as I can, I think you are absolutely beautiful and it would be the worst kind of lie to tell you that I haven’t given it thought,” Shepard let the words rush out of her, “I just know that I’m in a terrible place right now; there is way too much crazy going on inside my head with the beacon and this veil thing – whatever the fuck it is, and this hunt to try to stop a mad man who is hell bent on bringing about a damn apocalypse… I’m barely holding it together, Liara. I can’t imagine trying to be anything for anyone else – even Garrus – right now beyond Commander and friend.”

            Liara smiled and wiped at more tears, “You think I am beautiful?”

            “I do,” Shepard returned the smile.

            “Shall I make an announcement to the crew?” Liara asked with a chuckle.

            Shepard laughed and was glad to see it didn’t hurt anymore to do so, “Come on now, that might make Joker jealous.”

            Shepard crossed the distance to stand in front of Liara, “You are very special to me, Liara. I don’t know how I managed to win the heart of someone as amazing as you, and just as it did with Kaidan; it breaks a little piece of mine to know that it isn’t something I can give back to you.”

            Liara sniffled, “I know Shepard. I felt that in the joining, too. You took comfort in the feel of your hands in mine, and that brings me peace.”

            Shepard smiled and opened her arms in offering of a hug. Liara stepped into the embrace and wrapped her arms around Shepard. They held each other close for a quiet moment before Liara spoke up again, her words muffled against Shepard’s shoulder.

            “There is one thing that I have been terribly confused about, if you would not mind providing some clarification?” Liara asked her natural inquisitive nature taking over again.

            “What’s that?” Shepard asked letting go of the asari so she could look at her face.

            “There was an image in your mind, of Kaidan shifting into Ashley and then back again,” Liara said.

             “I’m not really sure what that one means, either, to be honest. I’ve been having these strange dreams and flashes of things while I’m awake. Courtesy of the veil if Dr. Tulina is correct,” Shepard leaned against Liara’s desk.  “Awhile back I was talking to Kaidan and I closed my eyes for a second, when I did I got these flashes in my mind. In the vision, it was Kaidan and then suddenly it was Ashley. It switched back and forth like that a couple of times. We were in the exact same place, and they were saying the same thing. I have no clue what it meant, other than they were certainly not happy with me.”

            The buzzing picked up in Shepard’s head again and she silently asked, “What is it?”

            _“… dies… choose…”_ the voice said.

            “How fascinating. With whom did the original conversation take place?” Liara asked.

            “What? Who dies? Choose what?” Shepard silently asked, now oblivious to Liara’s question.

            _“… Virmire… choice…one of them…”_ the voice whispered in Shepard’s mind.

            “Commander?” Liara sounded worried.

            Shepard snapped her eyes to Liara, “What? Sorry, I have to… I should go… the veil… I’ll explain later!”

            Shepard ran out of Liara’s office and skid to a stop in front of Dr. Tulina.

            “Commander! You are still recovering, I insist that you –,” Dr. Chakwas started to say.

            “Dr. Tulina, I might need you. Now!” Shepard barked, cutting Dr. Chakwas off.

            Shepard didn’t wait to see if the asari was following her or not before leaving the med bay and running to her cabin. She slammed her hand on the panel and the door slid open. Shepard rushed inside and started pacing.

            “Who is going to die? How?” Shepard demanded of the veil, not bothering to keep her words silent.

            Dr. Tulina entered the cabin just then and stood watching as Shepard paced furiously.

            _“... Alenko … Williams… only save one…”_ the whispering cut in and out of the buzzing sound.

            “Why? Why can I only save one?” Shepard barked.

            _“… separate… no time…”_ said the voice.

            “I don’t understand!” Shepard yelled.

            “Commander. Commander, Shepard,” Dr. Tulina demanded Shepard’s attention.

            Shepard stopped to look at Dr. Tulina, Shepard’s fear and helplessness was nearly palpable.

            “Commander, try asking the veil to show you instead. That has been easier in the past, no?” Dr. Tulina suggested.

            Shepard didn’t have to ask, the scene was already unfolding before her eyes. Shepard threw a hand out to steady herself and Dr. Tulina grabbed Shepard, wrapping an arm around her waist.

            She was standing on a beach on Virmire, Ashley and Kaidan at her back. A salarian stood in front of her, Major Kirrahe, he was outlining a plan of attack and asked for Shepard to send one of her team along with him.

            “We’ll need someone who knows Alliance communication protocols,” Shepard said.

            “I volunteer, Commander,” Kaidan said.

            “Not so fast, LT. Commander Shepard will need you to arm the nuke. I’ll go with the salarians,” Ashley said.

            “With all due respect, Gunnery Chief, it’s not your place to decide,” Kaidan said.

            “Why is it that whenever someone says ‘with all due respect’ they really mean ‘kiss my ass’?” Ashley said.

            “Williams, you’ll accompany the captain. No heroics, understood?” Shepard said.

            The vision blackened and when it resumed, Shepard’s perspective had shifted upwards as if she were taller now.

            “Alenko, you’re with the captain. Keep it simple, understood?” Shepard said with a man’s voice.

            She was somewhere else now. Shepard was standing in water up to her knees watching as Kaidan and the others unloaded the bomb.

            “Bomb is in position, we’re all set here,” Kaidan was speaking into the comm.

            Ashley’s voice cut through, “Commander, can you read me?”

            “The nuke is almost ready. Get to the rendezvous point, Williams!” Shepard said.

            “Negative, Commander. The geth have us pinned down on the AA tower. We’ve taken heavy casualties,” Ashley responded. “We’ll never make the rendezvous point in time.”

            “Get them out of there, Joker. Now!” Shepard ordered.

            “Negative! It’s too hot! Can’t risk it. We’ll hold them off as long as we –,” Ashley said.

            “It’s OK, Commander. I need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get them and meet me back here,” Kaidan said.

            “Up to the AA tower. Move!” Shepard ordered to her team.

            Shepard ran for the door with Tali and Garrus at her side. There were two krogan waiting on the other side. They fought their way through the krogan and got back in the elevator. On the walkways, a geth ship flew overhead towards the bomb site.

            “Reinforcements, we’d better hurry,” Garrus said.

            “Heads up, LT. We just spotted a troop ship headed to your location.” Ashley’s voice came through the comm.

            “It’s already here. There’s geth pouring out all over the bomb site,” Kaidan responded.

            “Can you hold them off?” Shepard asked.

            “There’s too many. I don’t think we can survive until you get here,” Kaidan said. “I’m activating the bomb.”

            “Alenko, what are you doing?” Shepard asked, torn between returning to Kaidan and finding Ashley.

            “I’m just making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what,” Kaidan said. “It’s done, Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of here.”

            “Screw that! We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko,” said Ashley.

            “Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site,” Shepard said.

            “Yes, Commander. I…,” Kaidan said.

            “You know it’s the right choice, LT,” Ashley said.

            “I’m sorry, Ash. I had to make a choice,” said Shepard.

            “I understand, Commander. I don’t regret a thing,” Ashley’s proud voice said with conviction.

            There was another shift in the scene; Shepard was once again a male.

            “Williams, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the AA tower,” Shepard said.

            “Yes, Commander. I…” Ashley said.

            “It’s the right choice and you know it, Ash,” Kaidan said.

            “I’m sorry, Kaidan. I had to make a choice,” Shepard said.

            “I understand, Commander. I don’t regret a thing,” Kaidan said with a hint of sorrow and unyielding compassion.

            Shepard’s eyes snapped open and she found that she was kneeling on the floor, sobbing in Dr. Tulina’s arms.

            “Commander Shepard, can you tell me what happened?” Dr. Tulina’s soft voice spoke next to Shepard’s ear.

            “One of them will die. I’m going to have to choose which one I let die,” Shepard sobbed.

            “Who will die, Commander?” Dr. Tulina asked.

            “Ashley or Kaidan. On Virmire. One of them will die and I’m going to be forced to choose which one,” Shepard said.

            “Show me, Commander?” Dr. Tulina asked.

            Shepard nodded her head and took a deep breath. She felt Dr. Tulina’s mind brush up against hers and then they were together in the quiet nothingness once more. Shepard didn’t wait to be asked before letting the memory play through around them. Dr. Tulina stood beside Shepard in silence taking it all in. When the memory was over, Dr. Tulina released the connection to Shepard’s mind.

            “Why are you so certain that this will happen?” Dr. Tulina asked.

            “It hasn’t been wrong yet. Everything else… Eletania just a while ago. It was all the same,” Shepard said.

            “Was it? I overheard Kaidan just a few minutes ago telling Garrus how you went straight for the mine. You didn’t even stop to check the drone, and he made no mention of you checking at the other monkey colonies. I seem to recall, in your dream, you stopped by each of the colonies, did you not?” Dr. Tulina said.

            “Well… yeah… but that was only because I had the dream, I knew were the data module was going to be. I didn’t need to go to the drone or the monkey colonies,” Shepard said.

            “And now, you have this vision,” Dr. Tulina said simply.

Shepard stared at her wordlessly.

“You made changes based on the foreknowledge the dream provided you. Why do you think you cannot do the same with the foreknowledge this vision has provided you?” Dr. Tulina said.

            Shepard sniffled once more and looked at Dr. Tulina, “My gods, I’m so dense.”

            Dr. Tulina chuckled, “Not at all, Commander. I think that what you are dealing with and how well you are dealing with it all shows just how remarkably intelligent you really are.”

            Shepard pulled herself to her feet, “I can’t tell them this. I can’t tell the others what I saw. That would be… that’s just too much to lay on them, isn’t it?”

            Dr. Tulina rose gracefully and clasped her hands in front of her, “Commander, I cannot tell you what to do, but I would encourage you to think about this for a while before you decide how to proceed.”

            “Of course. Thank you, Dr. Tulina,” Shepard said.

            “Forgive me for saying, but this is truly the most astounding thing I have ever encountered in my life. I do not know if even I would believe any of it if I had not the privilege of seeing it for myself. Thank you, Commander, for entrusting me with this,” Dr. Tulina said before bowing her head to Shepard. “I shall leave you to your thoughts.”


	18. Chapter 17: I’m Listening Now, Jane.

**Chapter 17: I’m Listening Now, Jane.**

            _Save them both. She’s going to try to save them both. Will that work? Even before when we’ve told Kirrahe that we don’t put our people under someone else’ command, one of them still goes._

 _“… tell… maybe they’ll listen…,”_ Jane’s voice broke through Shepard’s furious thought process.

            “You think they can handle it?” Shepard asked pacing the floor of her cabin, no longer remembering to be alarmed by the fact that there was a voice talking to her inside her head.

            _Can they handle it? I don’t fucking know! Does it matter?! They’ll be alive._

            _“… matter… alive…,”_ said Jane.

            _But really, not like I don’t want to save them both – even if they aren’t my most favorite people in all the worlds – but we really, really have more pressing matters to talk about. Gods damn it, why can’t you hear everything I’m saying? **She doesn’t want to hear it,** o_ ne of the broken and fragmented voices bubbled up to the surface to snag at Jane’s attention. _Oh, shut up! I wasn’t talking to you. Dawn, listen, if you can’t figure out how to break this cycle, when you die you’re going to come back again. **Doesn’t matter, none of this is real,** _ another voice intoned. _Shhh!_

            “Yeah, it matters. If I tell them and they can’t handle it, it could completely jeopardize the mission. I don’t want either of them to die, but I can’t let them stand in the way of stopping Saren,” Shepard said. “What? What are you saying? I can’t hear you, just all that damn buzzing. Slow down or something.”

            _“… could jeopardize… I… know. This is… to me…,”_ said Jane.

            “Oh for the love of gods, this isn’t working. I need to think about this, and it isn’t doing us any good to be orbiting Eletania while I do,” Shepard said leaving her cabin to head to the CIC.

            _No, wait! Don’t shut me out. Please don’t shut me out! Damn it._

            Shepard pulled open the galaxy map and set a course for the Kepler Verge before making her way down to the cargo bay.

            _Garrus will be happy to hear this. Just don’t do anything stupid and try to talk him out of killing that son-of-a-bitch. He deserves the chance to end that fucker, and Dr. Saleon definitely deserves to die. Gods, look at that. Liara is definitely right. You absolutely light up when you see him now._

“Hey, Garrus, how’s it going?” Shepard asked.

            “Commander, I see you’ve escaped the clutches of Dr. Chakwas once more,” his mandibles flared.

            Shepard leaned against the Mako next to Garrus, “Yeah… I’m not her favorite person right now. I’d avoid the med bay for a while if you can. She’s probably looking for someone else to poke and prod instead.”

            “Hmmm. I’ll keep that in mind. So, Shepard, how are you? I mean, really, how are you?” Garrus asked leaning against the Mako a couple of feet away from Shepard and crossing his arms.

            _Don’t tell him you’re fine. He’s being genuine with you here, Dawn. Trying to make a connection. Don’t shut him down. I hear the things going through your head. Dr. Tulina is nice and all, but you need someone to lean on. You need someone to trust with this, and you’re drawn to him._

            Garrus turned his head to look at Shepard, the iris of his visor opening and closing. He made a low humming sound that sent chills down Shepard’s spine before turning his side to the Mako to face her. Garrus glanced around the cargo bay taking in the eyes that were watching the two of them. Wrex didn’t seem quite as interested in their conversation, but he was more likely to hear them than Ashley was. He opened the door to the Mako and held out a hand towards the seats inside, “Tell me about it?”

            It wasn’t a challenge; he wasn’t C-Sec Detective Vakarian speaking to her but a friend offering to be a confidant.

            _Tell him. You can trust Garrus. Maybe more than anyone else on this ship._

 _“… won’t betray… always by our… the end,”_ Jane’s voice whispered to Shepard.

            Shepard took a deep breath and relaxed before taking the plunge. She climbed inside the Mako with Garrus and started to talk, slowly at first but soon the words were coming from her with so much force she didn’t think she could stop it if she wanted to. She told Garrus everything that she could think of to tell him. She told him about the veil that Liara found, and the way it screamed inside her head. Explained why Dr. Tulina was there and the way the asari had been helping Shepard to sift through the visions she was having. She told him all of the details of the vision she had of Virmire and the terrible choice she might have to make. She told him about the scars on his face, and the way that Kaidan shifted into Ashley and the look they had on their face. She told him what it felt like to die while the Normandy was torn to shreds. She held nothing back, laying all of her cards on the table and bared her soul to the turian, so utterly and completely in a way that she had never been able to do before in her life.

            _I regret that I never took the chance with Garrus when I was alive. I’ve only experienced his touch through the lives of the others. **Sharp teeth nipped gently at my skin,**_ one of the voices said bringing with it a flood of memories that Jane chose to ignore. _I chose Kaidan. **We fit together perfectly; the way humans are meant to,**_ another voice reminded Jane of just how right Kaidan had felt to her. _I remember I was so happy to see him on Horizon after Cerberus brought me back. I was so frustrated with Anderson for not telling me where he was and then, the Illusive Man played puppeteer and dropped me right on Kaidan’s doorstep. Oh I was so happy to see him and it felt like coming home after a long deployment, being in his arms for just that brief moment. **He smelled like summer, but sounded like winter,**_ a sad and broken voice whispered. _But then he got so mad. I thought he would have been happier if I had stayed dead. **Should have stayed dead,**_ still another voice said. _Maybe he would have. It would have been less confusing for him, for sure. Gods it hurt so bad to watch him walk away from me that day. It’s cut just as deep every time I’ve had to watch it through the eyes of the others since. Even when they weren’t involved with Kaidan the way I was, even when it didn’t hurt them as bad, it tore me apart. Maybe it was even worse than the first time around because he couldn’t see me; he didn’t know that I was still alive in there. Hell, those Kaidans never knew me at all._

 _Look at the way he’s looking at you, Dawn. He’s already yours if you were willing to reach out and take him. Ha! Of course he wants to know more about the scars. **Terrible scars, I woke up and I was covered with scars,**_ the voice sounded terrified. _As if everything else you just said pales in comparison. It’s actually probably the last thing he’s really worried about though. Just like him to deflect, hide his feelings. I can see the concern though. Can you? **I can see it,**_ answered one of the voices. _Can you see it there, in the tightness of his mandibles and the way his eyes have grown still; focused? You do see it. **Oh Garrus.**_ **_I’m so, so sorry._** _You should be; you let him die. **He died, we died, everyone died,**_ a voice giggled. _You let them all die. You are the worst of us. **Worst. Worst. Worst,**_ a chorus of voices echoed Jane.

Shepard laughed, “I don’t know. I can’t make out anything it’s trying to say right now, it’s all just buzzing.”

            “Hmmm. So, what do you think it is?” Garrus asked.

            Shepard shrugged, “I don’t know. I know it said ‘we are you’, whatever the fuck that means.”

            “So… what, like reincarnation or something?” Garrus asked.

            “Stories of reincarnation never involved living through the exact same crap. Not that I’ve heard of anyway,” Shepard said.

            “But I mean, it can’t just be psychic powers or whatever if in these visions you’re different every time. Unless you’re planning a sex change operation or something. I’ve been told you humans do that sometimes. Spirits, you are a weird species,” Garrus said.

            “I will shoot you, Vakarian,” Shepard said with a smile.

            _Ha! No you won’t. You would never. Not you. **I would,**_ a voice said. _Some of the others maybe could have, but not you._

            The sound of Garrus’ chuffing filled the cabin of the Mako, echoing back to Shepard and making her heart flutter. The iris on his visor narrowed.

            “What was that for?” Garrus asked.

            “What? You called my species weird. Again!” Shepard said.

            “Not that, your heartrate changed,” Garrus said.

            “I – I don’t know, I didn’t notice anything,” Shepard said grateful for the dim lighting of the Mako.

            _He’s closer to the truth than you realize. I doubt this is what ancient philosophers had in mind when they first thought of reincarnation, but I mean, what else could this be called? **Hell,** _ a voice answered but Jane brushed it aside like all the rest.

            Garrus twisted his torso so he could look at Shepard better, “Shepard. Are you… Do I… frighten you?”

            _Oh that’s rich! Gods I forgot how clueless he can be at times, at least in the early days._

            “What? No, Garrus. I’m not scared of you. Don’t be ridiculous,” Shepard said.

            “It’s not ridiculous. I’ve heard a lot of humans say that turians are scary looking. Sharp teeth, talons… I’ve been told before that I look like something out of a nightmare. You’ve even compared me to some of Earth’s deadliest predators, Shepard,” Garrus said.

            “No, I compared you to a cute, cuddly kitten. They just happen to be related,” Shepard said.

            _He is a cute, cuddly kitten. A very deadly, cute, cuddly kitten with a pension for sniper rifles._

            Garrus chuffed again and Shepard’s heart fluttered in response.

            “It did it again! You are afraid aren’t you? Spirits, Shepard, I’m not going to eat you,” Garrus said turning back in his seat to stare at the controls.

            **_Eat me, eat me all up,_** a voice giggled. _Yeah… I don’t think he meant it like that… be quiet._

            Shepard snorted at the pouting look on Garrus’ face, “Garrus think about that for a second. Do you smell fear on me? I mean we’re in the Mako, you would think it would reek of my fear if that were the case.”

            “No, but who knows what else you know how to hide,” Garrus said.

            _He’s got a point. I don’t think we’d be able to hide the smell, but we know how to control our fear. To turn it off so that we can do what we must._

            Shepard scoffed, “OK, if I were afraid of you, why would I be sitting here with you – alone telling you all this crap?”

            Garrus lifted a shoulder and let it drop in a shrug. Shepard’s hand reached out and tugged on his chin, turning his head to look at her. As soon as she realized what she had done she pulled her hand away and apologized.

            “Sorry… that was… rude. Listen to me Garrus. I’m not afraid of you. I promise,” Shepard said clasping her hands tightly in her lap to make them stay there.

            _Oh but he liked that you touched him, how did you not see that?_

            Garrus chuffed.

            “You did that on purpose!” Shepard laughed.

            “Maybe,” Garrus said.

            “It’s ah, an interesting sound. I guess… I kinda like it. Anyway, I should go. Get ready though, we’re headed to meet that old friend of yours,” Shepard said opening the Mako door and dropping to the floor below.

            She turned back to look at him still sitting in the Mako, “I was thinking Wrex might be best to go with us on this one. That good with you?”

            Garrus stared back at her for a long moment before speaking, “Sure. Works for me.”

            Shepard closed the door and headed for the elevator. Wrex and Ashley’s inquisitive eyes followed her. Garrus was still sitting in the Mako by himself when the elevator doors closed on her.

            _“… talk … important… Virmire…,”_ Jane’s voice said on the elevator ride up.

            “What about Virmire?” Shepard silently asked.

            _“Wrex… if you… she’ll…,”_ Jane said.

            “What about Wrex?” Shepard asked.

            _“Williams… head… fast enough,”_ she said.

            “OK, I’m not getting you. Can you just show me again?” Shepard asked.

            Jane pulled up the conflicting memories of Shepard arguing with Wrex on the beaches of Virmire, showing them to Dawn. She pushed at the memory, bringing Shepard’s attention to the images of Ashely walking further down the beach to stand behind Wrex. Jane focused in on the dialogue that would bring about Wrex’s death, showing her all of the different things that she could say that would end with Ashley shooting Wrex. Then she showed him as he collapsed to the beach. Showed his blood pooling out around him, the water licking it up and carrying it back out to sea. She showed her Ashley lowering her gun.

            Jane pushed those memories aside and pulled up one where Shepard was the one to pull the trigger. Dawn gasped as she saw her hands swinging the butt of a shotgun at Wrex’s face. She made a strangling sound when she saw her hands pointing that same gun at Wrex’s prone form and firing off several rounds.

            _No, no, it’s OK don’t freak out! This one’s easy to fix, no here watch. **Son-of-a-bitch pointed his gun at me,** _ the voice who supplied that memory said. _Shut the fuck up!_

            Jane brought up the memories of Wrex surviving as fast as she could. She showed Dawn that they were still on the beach arguing. Jane looped through the dialogue and actions that resulted in Wrex living, again, and again, and again until Dawn’s breathing began to ease. The elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. Shepard left the elevator on shaky legs and made her way to the med bay. She had spent hours in the Mako talking to Garrus, and she knew she had to face the music with Dr. Chakwas.

            _“… understand… to do?”_ Jane asked.

            “Yeah. Dear gods, yeah,” Shepard said rubbing her hands across her face and through her hair.

            _Damn that woman loves her needles and scans. Always with the scanning. Doesn’t she ever get bored of looking at what’s going on inside of you? You know, you really don’t have to put up with this. I mean yeah, she could report to Alliance High Command, but you’re a fucking Spectre. Anderson won’t take the Normandy away from you; he wants Saren as much as you do. Maybe more._

            Liara came out of her office while Dr. Chakwas was drawing Shepard’s blood.

            “Commander, there you are. Is everything alright? You ran out of here so quickly earlier,” Liara said.

            “Crap, yeah. Sorry Liara. I had meant to come talk to you some more and just got so caught up in… things. Sorry,” Shepard said.

            Jane could see the hurt etched on Liara’s face from the shallow explanation, and Shepard could too. _That was week, she deserves better than that, Dawn._

            “The veil, it said something to me and I had to figure out what it meant. It was important, but I’m not ready to talk about it just yet. I’m not sure how it changes things, I need some time to think about it first,” Shepard said.

            Liara’s face lightened as a soft smile spread across her lips, “I see. Of course, Shepard, take all of the time you need. If you need anything, or just want to talk, you know where to find me,”

            Shepard cringed inwardly but kept her face calm. She had just told Garrus everything with so much ease and trust but was denying Liara the same thing now. She was denying everyone else the same thing now.

            _So what? You aren’t obligated to spill your guts to everyone who asks. You didn’t lie to her and you let her know what you were comfortable with telling her right now. You didn’t shut her out completely, that’s what’s important. You can’t make everyone happy all of the time, Dawn. Trust me on that. I don’t care how much you change, that’s just a part of life. I think you might be far more compassionate than any of the rest of us ever were. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. It just makes it kind of difficult to relate to you at times. Hell, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s what is allowing me to get through to you at all. Strong willed, but a huge heart._

Shepard left the med bay and stopped in the mess hall to grab a light dinner before taking a shower. Dr. Chakwas seemed to have given up on trying corralling Shepard and was content to take her scans when Shepard permitted. Shepard turned the hot water up as high as she could stand it and leaned against the shower wall resting her head on her forearms.

            _You’ll get through this, Dawn. You’ll get us all through this. I believe that now. There is no turning back. Too much has already changed. **Changed,**_ a voice echoed the sentiment. _You have to get through this, Dawn. You have to put an end to this. I’m so tired. **Tired,**_ another voice bubbled up.

            Shepard finished her shower and made her way back to her bed. She crawled between the sheets and buried her face in her pillow before flipping over to her back. She stared up at the dark ceiling and fought back the urge to cry.

            “What are you?” Shepard whispered to the veil.

            “ _… you… over and over… never stops… cycle… you have to… save us,”_ Jane whispered back.

            “I can hear you a little better now. Who is ‘us’? The cycle, you mean the reapers? I’m trying, that’s why I’m going after Saren,” Shepard asked her eyelids were already beginning to droop.

            _“… reapers… maybe… don’t really… we keep… starts all… tired,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard fell asleep. Jane showed her sleeping mind images of all of the Shepard’s waking up one after another on the morning they were to report to the Normandy; and then dying in the Crucible only for another to wake up and do it all over again. Finally, Jane focused in on the last Shepard to wake up: Dawn. She didn’t know if it was making any sense to Dawn or not, but she had to try. She couldn’t feel any awareness in Dawn; no subconscious fighting its way through the dream demanding answers like there was before. Eventually, Jane gave up and let the woman sleep in peace.

            The next morning Shepard was preparing to board the MSV Fedele with Garrus and Wrex. Wrex had been filled in on who they were after and taken aside by Shepard to be informed that the doctor needed to be Garrus’ kill unless things went sideways. Shepard had expected Wrex to be resistant to the idea, but he seemed to understand that Garrus needed this. She had chosen Wrex to accompany them because she thought he was the one who would be the least likely to insist on arresting Dr. Saleon instead.

Shepard wasn’t taking Garrus to arrest the salarian; she was taking him to kill the man. _Good, it’s what he deserves._ If Garrus decided he wanted to bring him in, Shepard would hog tie the son-of-a-bitch and gift wrap him for Garrus herself. She knew though, Garrus wasn’t after legal justice and if this was just some pirate or smuggler that had gotten away, Shepard would fight for legal justice. This guy… a jail cell was far too good for him.

            _Wrex is a good choice. The doctor will try to deny he’s Dr. Saleon. He’ll insist his name is Dr. Heart and that he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. It’s him though, don’t be dissuaded. If the hideous experiments that try to kill you on the ship aren’t enough to convince you, there is more evidence on that ship than any jury would need to convict._

            The Normandy’s airlock opened and the trio moved onto the MSV Fedele. Initially, the ship seemed abandoned. There were no signs of life or activity. _It’s not empty. There are people here that Dr. Saleon has been experimenting on. They’re rabid. Well, not technically rabid, I don’t think, but they might as well be._ As they moved deeper into the ship they began hearing groans, and then Shepard caught her first glimpse of the horrors to have taken place at the hands of Dr. Saleon. Severely scarred and mutated, barely recognizable as human and completely crazed people rushed her team. Shepard’s heart ached for them, but they weren’t people anymore. _No, not anymore._ Not really. There was no saving them and nothing to be done but to put them down as quickly as she could. _A mercy, really it is._ Pity turned to rage as the last one bled out at her feet. She definitely wasn’t going to suggest the ‘arrest the doctor’ option.

            Shepard knew just where the doctor would be. There would be time to clear the ship later, for now she wanted Dr. Saleon’s head on a silver platter. She led Garrus and Wrex down the hall and stopped in front of a door. She turned to look at Garrus.

            “Bring him in or shoot him. I don’t suggest bringing him in, this asshole isn’t worth it, but this is your call,” Shepard said.

            “I’m glad you see it my way, Commander,” Garrus said with a nod.

            Shepard slapped her palm against the door’s release button and stepped to the side to let Garrus enter first. She watched the salarian standing in the middle of the room closely; she wanted to see the understanding creep into his eyes. It was almost amusing when he tried to deny who he was and what he had done. He called her and Garrus crazy, and that made her fingers itch to pull the trigger herself.

            “Put him out of his misery so we can get going,” Shepard said affecting a bored tone.

“Gladly,” said Garrus. “Your days of butchering are over, Doctor.”

“No. Please… Please!” Dr. Saleon begged before turning to run.

Garrus shot him as he retreated, “That was… satisfying.”

Shepard looked over the medical equipment stained with the blood of many species; shaking her head in disgust before leading them through the rest of the ship. There were things here the Normandy could use. Weapons, medical supplies – she even took the doctor’s food. _Waste not, want not, right?_

When she got back to the Normandy she found she had received a message from Admiral Hackett. Someone was killing off former Alliance scientists, and if she understood what Hackett was saying, these scientists were working on a secret project on Akuze the same time her entire team died. There was one scientist from that team left, a Dr. Wayne and his last known coordinates were in the Kepler Verge. He was in the Newton system and they were going to have to head back there to take the mass relay anyway.     

Shepard didn’t hesitate, despite the buzzing in her head. This could be important. It may not get her any closer to Saren but she had gone out of her way to tie up loose ends for Garrus. _They had everything to do with losing your team. They were running tests on the thresher maws. They watched while your team was attacked and then studied the remains. They found someone still alive though, Dawn. They found Toombs. If you go to Ontarom, you’ll find Toombs there. Things will get ugly, Dawn, no matter what you do._ This wasn’t really out of her way and it might tie up some loose ends for herself. She had to go. She punched in the coordinates and left the CIC.

 _“… alive… bad shape….”_ Jane said.

“What?” Shepard asked.

 _“… Toombs… alive… number on him…,”_ said Jane.

“Toombs is alive? How is that even possible? Why would you just now tell me this?!” Shepard demanded.

 _“Far… important… Saren… reapers… cycle!”_ Jane bit back.

In the med bay, Shepard sat passively talking to Jane while Dr. Chakwas ran her scans. After long, silent minutes Dr. Chakwas sighed. Shepard looked up at the other woman.

“Well, you will be pleased to know that the inflammation has completely subsided. All results are normal. I am officially releasing you for active duty, Commander. Not that it makes any difference,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard grinned, “No more scans? Blood work? Peeing in a cup?”

“I would still appreciate it if you would try to take it easy for a few more days, and perhaps allow me to run follow up tests in about two weeks but otherwise, Commander, you’re done here,” Dr. Chakwas said.

“Congratulations, Commander,” Dr. Tulina said looking over from her desk with a smile.

_Going to tell Kaidan he can stop worrying? That’s thoughtful. Oh look, he’s with Ashley again. I’ve never seen them spend this much time together. I think there might be something starting there. Maybe you will be able to save them both and they can find some happiness together. That would be nice to see. I wonder if that would keep one of them from being on Horizon? Or maybe they’ll both be there instead. Gods I don’t want to have to see them both look at us like that at the same time. Maybe you should keep things from getting too far with them, though. I mean if one of them does die on Virmire, the other will be crushed._

Shepard spent some time making her rounds and checking in with everyone. She headed to Tali first, since it had been awhile since she’d dropped in to see the quarian. She was surprised to find that Tali wasn’t in Engineering, but out in the cargo bay talking to Wrex. She hesitated near the elevator, wondering if she would be intruding on whatever it was they were discussing. Tali looked up and saw Shepard, waving her over.

_Tali looks good. Her leg healed up nicely, she doesn’t seem to be favoriting it at all. She still sounds like she has a cold, though. Oh look, now Garrus is coming over. Fantastic. Now I’ll never get you to shut up and go someplace quiet where I can actually talk to you. You know, when I was alive, I’m pretty sure that if I had found out that there was something living inside my brain that could talk to me and show me my future, I’d be spending a whole helluva lot more time trying to figure out how to communicate with it than you are. I love this crew as much as you but seriously, Dawn._

_“… there… more important… doing right now,”_ said Jane.

Shepard cocked her head and silently asked, “Like what? We’re headed back towards the relay.”

 _“… so much… need to know… standing… crew,”_ Jane said.

“Commander, are you alright?” Tali asked.

Shepard turned her head to smile at Tali, “Yeah, sorry. I guess I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

Garrus shifted beside her and gave her a knowing look.

“So, Tali. How’s the leg? I heard you got a nasty bite on Feros,” Garrus said distracting Tali.

“I have to spend time with the crew, it’s important for morale,” Shepard thought at Jane.

 _“… important… you… listen… need… stop all… once and…,”_ Jane said.

“Listen, Veil, I get it, you have shit you want to tell me. Problem is, I can’t understand half of what you fucking say. I’m trying here, alright? But you’re really fucking my entire program up. Completely flipped my life upside down,” Shepard hissed vehemently inside of her head. “So unless there is something that I need to do right this instant to keep someone from dying, could you please back off for five minutes and let me enjoy a moment with my crew?”

 _“Stop… me Veil… fucking Jane. I had… remembering,”_ Jane snapped back.

“Jane? Your name is Jane?” Shepard asked.

 _“Yes! … Jane…,”_ Jane exclaimed.

“Alright, then, _Jane,_ five minutes. That’s all I ask,” Shepard said.

Jane stopped pushing and gave Shepard what she thought must be five minutes before nudging her again. The buzzing started back up in Shepard’s head and she told the others that she had to go.

Back in her cabin she plopped down on her bed and wriggled until she was comfortable, she leaned her back against the pillows and closed her eyes.

“Alright, Jane, what do you want me to know?” Shepard asked.

 _“… cycle… I don’t…,”_ Jane was trying to say when Shepard cut her off.

“OK, yeah just slow down. I got cycle. Let’s work with that. I’m guessing you’re talking about the cycle that the beacon showed me, of the reapers destroying entire civilizations. What about the cycle? Maybe just, I don’t know, talk slower or something. Shorter sentences,” Shepard said.

 _“No… not talking… our…,”_ Jane said.

“OK, this isn’t working. How about just simple yes or no answers? Do you think you can focus on just yes or no?” Shepard asked.

_Oh hell this is impossible. If I could, I’m sure I’d have a migraine right now. Yes or no, answers, huh? Alright Dawn, you really think you can get somewhere with that we’ll try it your way._

_“Yes,”_ Jane said focusing on the simple response.

“Alright, good. I heard that clearly. OK, so, you keep talking about a cycle. You’re talking about the reapers, right?” Shepard asked.

 _“No,”_ Jane said.

“No?” Shepard asked.

 _“No,”_ Jane repeated.

“OK… does it have to do with you, then?” Shepard asked.

 _“Yes!”_ said Jane.

“You’re on some kind of cycle?” Shepard asked now more confused.

 _“Yes,”_ Jane responded really hating this game.

“Are you… what, like an AI or something? Stuck on a loop?” Shepard asked.

 _“No… stupid… so close… entire… so fucking… isn’t… has to be…,”_ Jane said.

“Alright, alright. Calm down. That isn’t helping,” Shepard reached up and rubbed her hands over her face. “I don’t know what to do, Jane. I have a million questions for you, but half the time when you talk all I hear is buzzing. The uh, visions help some, but sometimes they’re just as confusing.”

 _“… progress…,”_ Jane said.

“Yeah, I suppose so,” said Shepard.

_Yeah. I just don’t know if it will be enough. I don’t know if anything will ever be enough._

After a few quiet moments of neither speaking, Shepard left the cabin and went to the cockpit. She slipped into the seat next to Joker and offered him a smile before turning her attention to the stars. Shepard dozed off in the co-pilot’s seat and was woken a couple of hours later by Joker nudging her shoulder. They had arrived at Ontarom.

Shepard stood and stretched languorously before patting Joker on the shoulder.

“Tell Garrus and Tali to saddle up, we’re going down,” Shepard said before she left to get ready.

_He’s not going to be stable, Dawn. You might not be able to talk him down. You need to know that this might end with you shooting him, or him shooting himself._

_“… messed… pretty bad… thresher maw… tests…,”_ Jane said.

Shepard listened to Jane but didn’t form a response. She got the gist of what Jane was saying, but it didn’t matter. She had to go see Toombs; she had to try to help him. Shepard remained quiet until they rolled up to the building. She gave Tali and Garrus a rundown of what and who she expected to find inside. Shepard didn’t think that Tali made the connection right away, but she could tell that Garrus had. He’d done his homework.

She led them into the building, mowing through human and krogan mercenaries and stepping over the corpses of the merc’s victims until she found the room with Toombs. He was holding Dr. Wayne at gun point. _Easy, Dawn, easy. He’s not all there anymore. He’s not the same Toombs you knew._

“Corporal Toombs, put the gun down,” Shepard said as she walked slowly into the room.

“Stay back! I’ve got no grief with you! All I want is this bastard!” Toombs yelled.

“Toombs, look at me. Look, it’s me, Shepard,” she said.

“Please! He’s a madman!” Dr. Wayne begged. “Mr. Toombs, you’re insane! You need help!”

“Shut up! You don’t get to lie! You don’t…” Toombs turned his head enough to get a good look at Shepard. “Shepard? My god, Shepard, is that you?”

“Toombs, listen to me. Put the gun down, you don’t need to do this. Whatever this is, whatever happened, I can help you,” Shepard said.

“They took me, Shepard. The scientists,” Toombs said.

“You can’t prove any of this! This man is delusional!” the scientist said.

“See, they were running tests on the thresher maws. They let those things hit us just to watch and study. I woke up in a holding cell. The scientists were delighted I’d survived. Now they had someone to run tests on,” Toombs said.

“You can’t believe Toombs! He doesn’t have any proof! I demand a fair trial!” said Dr. Wayne

Shepard raised her pistol up to point at Dr. Wayne, “Shut up! You don’t get to talk. I’m not here to save you, you piece of shit. I don’t need any proof. Toombs’ word carries more weight than yours ever could.”

Shepard’s hand itched to pull the trigger, “I was there too, you son-of-a-bitch. I was lucky, so lucky that I got out alive but I’ve spent years thinking that it was all somehow my fault but telling myself every day that there was no way I could have known. Nothing more I could have done. I’m here to try to save Toombs from himself, your life doesn’t matter.”

 “This man deserves to die, Shepard. There’s nothing left of me for you to save, just this, it’s all I have,” Toombs said.

“I’m a Spectre now, Toombs. I can arrest him. He’ll answer for his crimes in court,” Shepard said.

“It’ll never happen, Shepard. He’s right, there is no proof. I’ve looked. All I have are their names. I said them over and over to myself every day, promised myself I’d find them and kill them. It’s the only thing that kept me alive,” Toombs said. “Are you helping me, or are you killing me?”

_You’re losing him, Dawn._

“Then I’ll kill him,” Shepard said.

 “No, Shepard. Damn it, this is my kill. They tortured me, Shepard. They shot me full of thresher maw venom, Shepard. Just so they could see what it would do!” Toombs said.

“Toombs you could go to prison. You’ve got your life back; do you really want to spend the rest of it in a cell?” Shepard pleaded.

“I need this, Shepard. I’ll never be whole again. Ever. There is nothing left for me. All I have is this,” Toombs said.

Shepard dropped her head and lowered her gun, “Alright, Toombs. Alright.”

 _“… turn… himself… head,”_ Jane said.

Toombs shot Dr. Wayne in the head and as soon as the shot was fired, she threw a Warp at Toombs. The man fell to the ground, his body twisting back on itself. Shepard kicked the pistol out of his hand, sending it sliding across the floor to the other side of the room. Before the Warp could wear off, she was restraining Toombs. Garrus was at her side adding his strength to keep Toombs under control.

“If anyone ever asks – anyone – I fired the shot that killed Dr. Wayne. Am I clear?” Shepard said.

Garrus nodded, “Perfectly.”

“That’s how I saw it,” said Tali.

“Now, Toombs. I know what you were thinking and you were about to turn that gun on yourself. I couldn’t let that happen,” Shepard said. “I’m sorry, I know that you’ve been through hell, but I couldn’t let that happen.”

 Tears began to slide down the man’s face and he stopped struggling.

“Tali go get his gun, please,” Shepard said.

Tali went and got Toombs pistol and gave it to Shepard. Shepard turned the gun on the scientist who was barely still holding on to the last seconds of life, and shot him several times.

“I shot him, you got that, Toombs?” Shepard asked.

Toombs nodded his head, “You shot him.”

“I’m taking you back to the Normandy with me, Toombs. There’s someone there who can help you. I don’t want to have to drag you the whole way kicking and screaming. Will you cooperate for me, Toombs?” Shepard asked.

“Yes, Shepard. For you,” Toombs nodded his head and Shepard let him go.

They got Toombs back out to the Mako and he climbed inside, Tali right behind him. Garrus stood waiting next to Shepard to climb in the passenger’s seat.

“Shepard, are you alright?” Garrus asked.

Shepard looked up at Garrus and let out a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair.

She shook her head slowly, “No. But I will be.”

Garrus tentatively put a hand on her shoulder. Shepard let herself lean forward and put her forehead to the center of his chest. She listened as his breath caught in surprise and then she felt the comforting sound of a contented hum vibrating the plates of his armor. She only allowed herself a few seconds of contact before pulling away.

_I’ve never seen it go like this with Toombs before, Dawn. I don’t know what to expect now. I’m as blind on this as you are._

“Keep an eye on him for me, Garrus? I need to give the Normandy a heads up,” Shepard said.

“You got it,” Garrus said before sliding into the Mako.

Shepard took a few steps away before radioing the Normandy, “Shore party to Normandy, do you copy?”

“Normandy here, we copy,” Joker’s voice answered.

“Joker, I need a pickup at our location. We’ve got someone with us. Ask Doctors Chakwas and Tulina to meet us in the cargo bay. And tell Dr. Chakwas it might be a good idea to have a sedative on hand. Our guest may not be stable,” Shepard said.

“Aye, aye, Commander. Locking in on your location now. I’ll notify the doctors. Normandy out,” Joker said.

Shepard hoped in the Mako’s driver seat and waited for the Normandy to come into view.

_He always shot himself after killing Dr. Wayne. We never stopped it before. Bringing him back with us like this? I – I don’t know what to say. Are you keeping him on the Normandy? He might still try to kill himself, or worse, one of the crew._

_“… best idea… sideways,”_ Jane said.

“I have to try,” Shepard responded silently.

Shepard got out of the Mako first to fill Dr. Tulina and Dr. Chakwas in on the situation. Shepard waved her hand at Garrus for him to bring Toombs out and then waved Ashley over. She asked Ashley to escort Toombs to the med bay with the two doctors and then to wait outside of the med bay door in case she was needed before Shepard got up there.

“Toombs, I want you to go with the doctor’s now, OK? I’m going to get out of this armor and then I’ll be right in there with you. These are good women, Toombs; don’t give them any trouble, alright?” Shepard spoke quietly to the man.

Toombs nodded his head. Shepard couldn’t help but to notice the vacant look in his eyes. _He’s gone. I don’t know if you’ll be able to bring him back from this. If you had insisted on arresting the doctor, if you were able to talk him down he would have been OK eventually but now… I don’t know._ She was glad that all of the scientists responsible were dead now. Otherwise she might be tempted to go hunt them down herself. Shepard ditched her armor and weapons as quickly as she could, laying them in front of the crew lockers instead of carrying them up to her own locker by the med bay. She’d deal with it later.

A few minutes later and Shepard was sitting in a chair across from Toombs while Dr. Chakwas performed a scan to get a baseline of his current physical state. He was still pretty tore up inside if Dr. Chakwas tight lips were any indication. Dr. Chakwas looked… furious. Dr. Tulina was talking to him in quiet, soothing tones. Shepard couldn’t quite make out what she was saying but that was alright, it wasn’t her business. Toombs’ eyes occasionally flickered over to Shepard. She wasn’t sure if he was hoping she would leave, or was begging her to stay. It didn’t matter, she wasn’t going anywhere yet.

_Stay. Stay with him until he goes to sleep. I think seeing your face will help. It’ll give him an anchor, something familiar. Of course, it might also be reminder of what he went through… No, he seemed willing enough to do as you asked after the doctor was dead. He still has loyalty and respect for you. You’re the only person here he knows._

A couple of hours later and Toombs was sleeping peacefully. Dr. Chakwas had given him a sedative with the promise that he wouldn’t have any dreams. It was getting late but Shepard wanted to fill the crew in on a few things before she slept herself. She set up a rotation with the Alliance soldiers on board, leaving her crew available to keep her schedule and move out with her on short notice. She called everyone to the debriefing room and filled them in on who Toombs was and what he had been through before moving on to discuss their mission.

“Alright everyone. I’m setting the coordinates for Virmire tonight. I don’t know what to expect completely when we get there, but I do know that it’s going to be an all hands on deck kind of thing. I need you all well rested and ready for a fight,” Shepard started to pace.

 _“Saren… fight… Virmire… he gets away,”_ Jane said.

“Show me how he gets away later, Jane,” Shepard thought.

“Saren’s going to show his face on Virmire. There will be heavy geth resistance. We won’t be in the fight alone, though. We are going to be meeting with a salarian infiltration team sent by the Council. They are our allies in this,” Shepard said.

She stopped in the middle of the room and looked around at her team, “I know that there have been a lot of things happening with me lately. I know that many of you have been concerned about me, or about my ability to handle this mission. I want to assure you all, that not only am I fine – Dr. Chakwas has officially cleared me for active duty – but I am committed to stopping Saren. I will stop Saren. Everyone go get some sleep. Dismissed.”

Shepard went up to the galaxy map to set the coordinates before showering and heading to her cabin for the night. She paced the floor for a few minutes trying to think of a way to hear Jane better. She needed information, and she needed it before she got to Virmire. Shepard focused on the one time when she heard Jane the clearest. It was when she was joined with Liara and she heard the screaming in her head.

 _“… don’t think… because of… joining…,”_ Jane said.

“Then what was it?” Shepard asked.

 _“… very relaxed… opened yourself… and me,”_ Jane said.

Jane was right. Since then, she’d always heard Jane best when she was calm and things were quiet around her. Shepard turned down the lights and set in the middle of her bed with her legs folded. It had been years since she had tried meditation, but if there was ever a need for it, this was it.

Shepard closed her eyes and took slow, deep, calming breaths. She tried to mimic what she had done with Liara to reach that same state of tranquility. She pushed away all thoughts of Toombs and Akuze. Quieted the indecision about how to handle Ashley and Kaidan on Virmire. Put aside the thoughts about her feelings that were beginning to be undeniable for Garrus. Put aside the heartache for Liara and Kaidan. And finally, moved past the fear that she had been hiding from herself.

“Jane, are you there?” Shepard asked.

 _“Yes, Dawn. I’m always here, you just don’t listen,”_ Jane said.

“I’m listening now, Jane. I can hear you, but I don’t know how long this will last. What cycle, Jane?” Shepard said.

Shepard felt a sense of excitement filter through her; she knew right away that it was not her excitement, but Jane’s.

 _“Your cycle. Our cycle. We have been living the same life you are living over and over again. Fighting against the geth, against Saren. Against the collectors and the reapers. Every time we get to the end, when we think we have won and it is finally over with, we wake up at the beginning again,”_ Jane said, the words urgent and rushed.

“I don’t understand. Who is ‘we’? Who – what are you?” Shepard asked.

 _“My name is Jane Shepard. I was the first,”_ Jane said.

“Shepard?” she asked.

 _“Yes. Some of the visions I have been showing you have been from my life. I was once flesh and blood, just like you. I lived through all of this… well, not exactly all of this. Some things change from life to life… and you’ve changed a lot of things. Anyway, not the point. I lived this life, I fought the reapers and then I died,”_ Jane said.

“How is that possible, I – what are you then, a ghost? How could we be living through the same things?” Shepard asked as her mind struggled to accept what she was being told.

 _“I didn’t stay dead. My mind – or soul – or whatever stayed conscious while my body wasted away. Then somehow, I have no clue how or why, but somehow I woke up again. In someone else’s body. Trapped in their mind the way I have been in yours,”_ Jane said.

“Your cycle,” said Shepard.

 _“Yes. But the person I was in, his name was John Shepard. He was me. He had my life. Some things were different, I won’t waste time explaining all of it, but he was me,”_ Jane said.

“That – how – what?” Shepard stuttered.

 _“Commander John Shepard. He had just been given a new assignment and told to report to the SSV Normandy. The same Normandy. He met with Captain David Anderson. The same Anderson that I knew, the same Anderson that you know now. Everything was the same, Dawn. Everyone was the same… except for me,”_ Jane said.

“I – I don’t know if I can believe this. I know, I know, I’m talking to a voice in my head but still… this is just… insane,” Shepard said pushing back the panic that was starting to rise up in her chest.

Jane’s voice started to sound fainter and buzzing began to interrupt her words again. Shepard took deep breaths until she could calm herself down again and then sought out that place of tranquility once more.

“I’m sorry. I lost you there for a minute,” Shepard said.

 _“I know this is a lot to take in but I need you to listen and accept this, Dawn. I don’t know how to make this stop, I’ve spent countless lives – lived through this at least a thousand times and I can’t make it stop. I’m so tired, Dawn,”_ Jane said.

“The other voices I heard, when I was with Liara and I heard the screaming… there were so many voices…” Shepard said.

 _“Yes, they’re all here. Some more… coherent than others but none as strong as I am. Many of them have gone completely insane. This was just too much for them to bear. Some are… isolated. Unreachable even to me, I used to try to talk to them, but I gave that up long ago. They just, I don’t know, sit there I guess and relieve their memories over and over,”_ Jane said.

“Is this – are you telling me that this is going to happen to me? I’m going to die and wake up in someone else’ mind with you and the others?” Shepard asked panic welling up inside of her once more.

 _“If we can’t find a way to make it stop before your time is up, then…,”_ Jane said.

“Oh gods. Oh gods. I think I’m going to be sick,” Shepard said bolting from the bed and rushing to the trash can by her desk.

Just like that, Jane was relegated to buzzing once more. Shepard retched, emptying out the meager dinner she had finally gotten around to eating just a couple of hours before. When her heaving finally stopped and her stomach was starting to settle, Shepard rose on shaky legs to make her way to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and splashed water on her face. Jane buzzed loudly in her head.

“I can’t…  I just can’t. No more right now,” Shepard said.

After landing Shepard in a hospital bed once already, Jane was hesitant to force the matter and fell silent. In the mess hall, Shepard rummaged through cabinets until she found some crackers and sat down at one of the tables to nibble at them. The mess was quiet; the lights were dimmed for the night. Shepard could see soft light filtering through the med bay windows and a guard at the door staring straight ahead.

She found herself walking towards the sleeping pods across from the mess hall. She didn’t know why until she was standing in front of one of the pods looking at Garrus’ sleeping face. She put a hand on the glass before resting her forehead next to it, her eyes on the ground she took a deep shuttering breath and turned back to her cabin. As Shepard turned her head and her eyes moved past Garrus’ form, she didn’t notice that his eyes were open and watching her, but Jane did.

Shepard crawled under her covers and curled up into a ball. Tears slid down her eyes until finally, sleep took her.


	19. Chapter 18: You Did Your Best, Commander.

**Chapter 18: You Did Your Best, Commander.**

            Shepard was sitting at a table in the mess hall. A cup of coffee sat in front of her, growing colder by the minute. Her gaze was unfocused. Kaidan slid into the seat in front of her, snapping Shepard out of her rumination. She tried to smile at him but she knew it wasn’t convincing.

            “Hey Commander, did you get any sleep last night?” Kaidan asked.

            Shepard sighed and rubbed her face, “Probably not as much as I needed. How about you, Kaidan?”

            “I slept alright, all things considered,” Kaidan paused. “So, if it’s alright, I was wondering… last night you said Saren would show his face on Virmire. Is this something you’re assuming tactically… or is this the other thing, the beacon or whatever, telling you this?”

            Shepard schooled her features before she could wince, there was so much that she hadn’t told her crew. So much that she didn’t think they’d understand because she could barely understand it herself.

            _“… might… try,”_ Jane’s voice whispered in Shepard’s mind.

            “I saw it, I know he’s going to be there,” Shepard said.

            Kaidan grinned and turned sideways so he could lean against the wall, “That’s wonderful news, Commander. We’re going to get the bastard. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear that.”

            Shepard smiled, “And if he manages to get away, we’ll chase him to the ends of the galaxy, Kaidan. I told you guys, I’m not letting this go. He will be stopped.”

            Kaidan smiled at her, “I never doubted that you were in it for the long haul, Shepard. It’s just so nice to have an edge. To know that he’s going to be there before we arrive.”

            _“… happy… have me… help,”_ Jane said.

            “No, he’s happy that I have what he thinks is the prothean beacon – something he can begin to wrap his head around – to help,” Shepard thought back at Jane.

            “Yeah, I suppose it is,” Shepard said to Kaidan, taking a sip of her cold coffee and grimacing.

            “Here, let me warm that up for you,” Kaidan said grabbing her cup and leaving the table before she could think to protest.

            _“… still wants…,”_ Jane whispered.

            Shepard chose to ignore that. The mess hall was beginning to fill with loud, excited chatter as more people arrived for breakfast. Shepard felt eyes on her; she looked around the room until she saw Garrus leaning against the med bay wall watching her. She gave him the best smile she could manage and patted the bench next to her in invitation. Warmth passed over her as the tall turian pushed himself off the wall and strode across the mess hall to straddle the bench next to her.

            “Morning, Garrus. So, you ready for this?” Shepard asked.

            “Only since the day you said I could tag along, Shepard,” Garrus said.

            Shepard found it a little easier to smile while he was next to her, “Good. I hope you’re well rested. I need all of you at your best.”

            “Well, something did wake me up last night. I had a little trouble getting back to sleep after that, but I did eventually manage. I got enough, don’t need as much as humans,” Garrus said.

            “Bad dreams, Garrus?” Shepard asked; she could hear Jane buzzing in her head and wondered if that was humor that she felt.

            Kaidan was making his way back to the table. Shepard caught his smile falter when he saw Garrus sitting with her but he pulled it back into place before he reached the table. Kaidan sat the cup down in front of Shepard before sitting back down across from her.

            “Not exactly…,” Garrus said.

            “Hey, Garrus. How’s it going?” Kaidan asked.

            Garrus was slow to drag his gaze from Shepard, “Not too bad, Kaidan. Not too bad at all. I’m looking forward to the chance to take Saren down. How about yourself?”

            Shepard took a slow sip of the hot coffee before mouthing a ‘thank you’ at Kaidan.

            Kaidan smiled at Shepard before answering Garrus, “I’m right there with you, Garrus. I was just telling Shepard how nice it is to have an edge. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that the beacon, you know, has caused her some problems but man has it been a huge help.”

            Shepard squirmed in her seat and kept her eyes glued on her coffee. She trusted Garrus not to spill her secrets. She just didn’t know if he was aware how secret they actually were.

            _“Relax… self away… Garrus does,”_ Jane said.

            “Ha, the beacon, yeah. Wrex is still talking about how the next one we find is his. Tali and Ashley were talking about it yesterday while Tali was checking out her locker, too. Tali’s got some grand ideas about all the ways it would help out the Migrant Fleet,” Garrus said.

            Kaidan chuckled, “Did you remind her you have dibs?”

            “Nah, I wasn’t a part of the conversation. I was working on the Mako,” Garrus said.

            “Wait, I thought you said they were by the lockers?” Shepard asked.

            “Yeah, they were,” Garrus said looking confused.

            “And you heard them all the way over by the Mako?” Shepard asked.

            “Turian’s have incredibly good hearing, Commander. We could never sneak past Vyrnnus at brain camp. A lot of kids got themselves hurt trying it, but it never stopped the rest,” Kaidan said.

            “I knew your hearing was good, but damn…,” Shepard said. “Wait, oh gods. That’s awkward… Maybe I should let Ashley know…”

            Garrus chuffed. Shepard’s heart fluttered and Garrus’ mandibles twitched.

“Why so I don’t have to hear about how she doesn’t think we aliens should have full access to the Normandy – particularly Wrex and myself – or maybe about her family’s involvement in the First Contact War? Or is it so I don’t have to hear how cute her sister thinks Kaidan is?” Garrus asked.

Kaidan choked on his coffee and Shepard threw her head back in laughter. Garrus’ low chuckle joined hers.

She reached out to slap Garrus playfully on the arm but his hand shot out and caught her wrist, “Yeah, those are all good reasons.”

Garrus let go of Shepard’s wrist and smiled at her. Kaidan had recovered his breath but his face was a bright red.

“You alright there, Kaidan? You’re looking really red. Maybe we should take him to the med bay, Shepard,” Garrus said.

Shepard laughed again, “Oh stop. And you said I’m evil.”

Kaidan managed a chuckle, “Ha. No, that’s alright. I think I’ll manage. I think I’ll, uh, go make sure my guns are clean and ready to go.”

Kaidan all but ran from the mess hall. Shepard was still giggling and trying to control it enough to sip her coffee.

“So,” Garrus said when Kaidan was gone, “Do you make a habit out of visiting the sleeping pods in the middle of the night?”

Laughter broke through the sounds of buzzing in Shepard’s head.

Shepard’s own laughter stopped as her hand paused with her cup halfway to her mouth. She slowly put the cup back on the table and folded her hands in her lap.

“I woke you up?” Shepard asked.

“Hmmm. You did,” Garrus said taking a deep breath.

Shepard stared at her hands, doing her best to calm her racing heart. She found it wasn’t so easy as when she was trying to hide a lie. She could feel the heat in her cheeks and she knew it wasn’t lost on him. She put her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands before raking her hair back and pinning it there with her hands. She stared down at her coffee before sitting up again.

“I’m sorry, Garrus. I didn’t mean to wake you. It uh, it won’t happen again,” Shepard said not meeting his gaze.

Garrus’ hand moved in front of her face slowly, hesitantly; he gently hooked one of his fingers under her chin and turned her face to him the way she had his in the Mako. Shepard’s eyes dropped closed at the contact and she felt a quiet groan escape her throat. He took his hand away when she opened her eyes to look at him. She almost smiled at how utterly lost and confused he looked. A hitch in the noise of the mess hall told her that other people had noticed the interaction. She was grateful when the noise picked back up again, though she could still feel eyes on her.

Garrus leaned forward a hair and spoke softly barely loud enough for her to hear, “You’ve got to help me out here, Shepard. I’ve spent a lot of time around humans on the Citadel but I’ve never had more than a casual working relationship, at best… interrogation at worst with humans. I have to admit some of the things you do and say leave my head spinning trying to figure out what you mean.”

“I haven’t really told anyone the full extent of what I’m going through except you. I think you probably even know more than Dr. Tulina does at this point…,” Shepard struggled to find the right words to explain her actions, “Some new things came up last night and I, uh, I don’t know. I guess I was just needing someone to… talk to and… but you know, you were sleeping and I didn’t want to bother you. I didn’t realize I woke you up. Sorry about that.”

Garrus watched her quietly, his visor contracting and expanding, his mandibles shifting slightly as he thought on her words.

He took another deep breath, “Shepard, you don’t… next time you need someone to talk to, wake me up, it’s alright. I don’t need a lot of sleep and I… Hmmm.”

Shepard bit the corner of her lip, she ached to reach out and touch him. Garrus paused. He took in another deep breath before clearing his throat.

“I’m just saying that if you need me for anything… anything at all, I’m here for you, Shepard,” Garrus said.

Shepard found that her throat was dry when she tried to speak, “Thank you, Garrus. That um, that means a lot to me.”

Garrus laid a hand down on the table and sat up straight, “Of course, Shepard. Well, I uh… I should probably go make sure the Mako is up to par.”

He stood up, towering above Shepard. Her eyes slowly slid along his body and up to meet his gaze.

“OK,” she said but it barely came out as more than a whisper.

“I uh, I took care of your armor and guns last night. Cleaned them all. Oiled the guns… they’re in your locker,” Garrus said.

Shepard’s eyebrows rose. She knew enough about turian culture to know that turians didn’t mess with each other’s weapons and armor often. When they did, it was generally between intimate partners or a sign of deep respect and admiration; as well as implying a hell of a lot of trust.

“Thanks,” Shepard managed.

“Sure. Anytime, Shepard,” Garrus said stepping over the bench and turning his back to her.

 _“… feelings… you, too,”_ Jane said.

Shepard continued to ignore Jane as her eyes followed Garrus until he was out of sight. When he was gone, she noticed that half the crew was casting furtive glances in her direction. Liara nodded her head and offered Shepard an encouraging smile. Shepard wondered how much it cost her to try to encourage Shepard to pursue something with someone else. Shepard returned the smile, albeit only weakly. She finished off her coffee and washed her cup out at the sink before heading to her cabin.

 _“… don’t… answer… that,”_ Jane said.

“You’re, right. I probably don’t,” Shepard thought.

She ran her hands over her laptop in thought before opening it and logging in to the ship’s security records. She pulled up the video feeds for her cabin door, the mess hall, and the sleeping pods from the night before and fast forwarded to the point where she came back out of her cabin. Shepard watched herself move slowly towards the sleeping pods and glance into each one before stopping in front of Garrus’ pod. She hadn’t even thought about the cameras last night; didn’t even wonder what anyone watching them would think.

She zoomed in on Garrus’ pod and watched as it showed her put a hand on the glass. Her head leaned forward and gently tapped the glass as it connected. Garrus’ eyes flew open; he shifted his head to look down at her through the glass. His visor whirred to life and the iris constricted. In the video, Shepard turned away from the glass and walked back to her cabin. Garrus opened his sleeping pod and hesitantly stepped out into the hall. He glanced back at his empty pod before taking a few steps forward. He stopped again and shook his head before looking out at the mess hall. Garrus tapped a finger against his thigh before striding through the mess hall towards Shepard’s cabin.

Shepard had stopped breathing, she was biting her lip so hard it nearly bled as she watched what appeared to be a conflicted Garrus approach her cabin door. In the video feed, Garrus stopped near Shepard’s door and turned around as if he was going to go back to sleeping pod. He stared up at the ceiling, his chest raising and dropping as he breathed deeply. He tapped a finger against his thigh a few more times before closing the distance to Shepard’s door. He held his hand up to knock but hesitated and let it drop back to his side. He shook his head again before leaning forward to gently place his head against the cool metal. He stayed like that for nearly a minute before he turned back to the mess hall and sat down on the nearest bench. Two minutes passed and he hadn’t moved.

Shepard fast forwarded the video, watching the minutes tick by on the feed’s automatic time recording. Forty-three minutes passed before Garrus stood, left the bench and walked back to the sleeping pod, his eyes on his feet the entire time. Shepard thought that she would give just about anything just then to know what he had been thinking. She rewound the recording and watched it three more times, trying very hard not to think about what might have happened if he had knocked or if she had come back out of her cabin to find him sitting there.

Shepard pursed her lips and slowly pressed down on the laptop lid until it snapped closed. They were still at least two hours away from Virmire, and she had to get Garrus out of her head. She glanced over at her bed and vetoed that location right away as thoughts of Garrus in that bed next to her filled her mind. Shepard dimmed her lights and sat down in the middle of the floor. She folded her legs; she started pushing thoughts aside and taking deep breaths. When she had reached that floating feeling of tranquility, she reached out for Jane.

“Jane?” Shepard said.

 _“Finally,”_ Jane said.

Shepard chose to ignore the snark, “You said something about Saren getting away on Virmire. Can you tell me what happens?”

 _“Yeah. Sure. Well, when we make our choice between saving Williams or saving Alenko, Saren shows up at whichever location we go to. He flies in on a hovering platform, throwing biotics at us. We take cover and he jumps down to the ground. We fire at him but his biotic shield doesn’t let the shots through,”_ Jane said.

“How strong are his biotics?” Shepard asked.

“ _Very. He seems to have some level of immunity towards biotics as well. He talks to us, mocks us, tries to get us to see why his working with the reapers is a ‘good’ thing,”_ said Jane.

“How could that possibly be a good thing?!” Shepard asked.

“ _Sovereign has him convinced that if he works with the reapers, he will be spared. He’s convinced himself that he’s not already indoctrinated. He thinks he’s smarter than that, stronger than that. Anyway, then we fight and he gets his hands on us, around our throat and drags us across the ground and if we’re at the AA Tower, he holds us over the edge. If we’re at the bombsite he just holds us in the air,”_ Jane said.

“Where’s our team during this, we’re not alone, right?” Shepard asks, not realizing how easily she has slipped in to using ‘our’ instead of ‘your’ and ‘my’.

 _“Hurt, they’re hurt and not able to really help. So, he has us in the air and Saren turn’s his head for a second and we punch him in the face,”_ Jane said.

“Nice,” Shepard smirks.

Jane chuckles, _“Yeah. So we hit him and he drops us to the ground. We’re a little woozy from being choked and before we can get up again, he’s on his hovering platform and flying away.”_

“Why don’t we pursue him?” Shepard demands.

 _“How? We don’t fly? Our team is hurt, the place is swarming with geth and there’s a bomb about to go off,”_ Jane said.

“Damn,” said Shepard.

 _“Yeah, but it’s OK, you’ll find him again on the Citadel later. The Conduit is on Ilos. It’s basically a back door to the Citadel built by the protheans during the last invasion,”_ Jane said.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that to start?!” Shepard said.

 _“I tried, Dawn. I fucking tried. I couldn’t get through to you. By the time I finally could – Well, Ilos just wasn’t the most pressing matter. Sure, you could skip Virmire. You could go straight to Ilos, but I’ve been giving it some thought and, I hate to admit it but I’m not really sure if it will help,”_ Jane said.

“I can destroy it, hell blow up the whole planet if we have too!” Shepard said.

 _“And in doing so, it is quite likely that you would destroy the Citadel. I can’t think of any way of destroying the Conduit that wouldn’t also put the Citadel at risk. And even if the Citadel survived, it wouldn’t guarantee that Saren wouldn’t find another way onto the Citadel to transfer control of the Citadel to Sovereign,”_ Jane said.

“What does Sovereign want with the Citadel?” Shepard asked.

 _“The Citadel is actually a mass relay. There are others like Sovereign, and if Sovereign can get control over the Citadel, he can use it to open a path for the other reapers. You absolutely must stop Saren, not just prevent him from getting to the Conduit,”_ Jane said.

“Damn it!” growled Shepard.

 _“I’m sorry. There’s more. If you don’t go to Virmire and set off that bomb, if and when you face Saren again, he’s going to have an army of genetically engineered, indoctrinated krogan at his command,”_ Jane said.

“What?!” Shepard asked.

 _“That’s what Saren is doing on Virmire. There’s a breeding facility. He’s making krogan. That’s what Wrex gets so upset about. He sees this as a cure for the genophage, a way to potentially save his people,”_ Jane said.

“And we want to blow it up, yeah I remember. I get it now,” Shepard said. “I need to think about this. We’ll talk more later.”

 _“There’s still so much to tell you. But yeah, OK, I get it,”_ Jane said.

Shepard was pacing the floor of her cabin when she heard a knock, “It’s open!”

The door slid open and Dr. Tulina came in, “Hello, Commander. Are you busy?”

“Not particularly, just planning. Running through scenarios in my head, what’s up? Is Toombs OK?” Shepard asked.

“Toombs is still resistant to talking and has not yet agreed to allow a joining so that I might best be able to help him, but I am afraid I cannot tell you more than that without breaking his confidentiality,” Dr. Tulina said.

“Right, of course. Sorry,” Shepard said.

“Not at all, Commander. I have come to check on you, though. We have not spoken much since the veil revealed to you the events that are expected to happen on Virmire. I am told that we are now headed to Virmire, I thought perhaps you might wish to talk,” Dr. Tulina said.

“Oh, OK, yeah. Here sit down,” Shepard said holding her hand out to the chair before grabbing the second chair and pulling it over for herself.

Dr. Tulina sat down and folded her hands in her lap while watching Shepard.

“Where to start? Uh, well, I took your advice and started talking to uh, the veil, well actually her name is Jane,” Shepard said.

“Her name is Jane?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“Yeah, uh – I’m not sure how to explain everything she told me so bear with me. It took a while for me to figure out how to really get through where I could hear her but we’ve made progress. I’ve started meditating and that seems to work quite well,” Shepard said.

“Excellent. What have you discovered?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“The voices are… I don’t know, past lives? Jane said that she has lived my life countless times,” Shepard said.

“I am afraid I do not understand,” Dr. Tulina said.

“She was once Commander Jane Shepard and she was called to serve on the Normandy. She encountered the beacon; she fought the geth and Saren. Fought the war against the reapers and then died,” Shepard said.

“Jane is dead?” Dr. Tulina asked leaning forward.

“Yeah, well, when she died she… didn’t stay dead exactly. She said she woke up trapped in a man’s head, Commander John Shepard. Basically she watched as he went through the same things that she did, but she was never able to reach him. She said that when he died, they woke up together in someone else’s head – another Commander Shepard and went through it all again,” Shepard tried to explain.

 _“… write… biography, that… terrible,”_ Jane said.

“I suppose that explains the different perspectives, and the differences in the visions,” Dr. Tulina said.

“She said it’s been at least a thousand lives,” said Shepard.

“Has Jane explained to you how this happened?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“She doesn’t know how or why, and she only wants to make it stop. She said this is the first time she’s been able to reach someone, to be heard. She wants me to find a way to stop this cycle,” Shepard said.

“How does Jane propose you stop this cycle?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“I don’t think she has any idea, I think her plan revolved mostly around breaking through to me to warn me. With the hopes that I can change things enough that it doesn’t happen again,” Shepard said.

 _“… good plan!”_ Jane said.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t,” Shepard thought.

Dr. Tulina seemed to hesitate before asking, “And what happens if you cannot break the cycle?”

 “If I don’t, when I die, I might wake up again with them all, too,” Shepard said.

“I see. That sounds terrifying,” Dr. Tulina sat quietly to give Shepard a chance to respond and then when she didn’t, “It sounds like you are only able to speak with Jane, is that correct?”

“I – I don’t know,” said Shepard. “I haven’t exactly tried to speak to any of the others, but the exception of when I heard them screaming during the joining, I haven’t heard any of the others… Jane said that a lot of them are… unstable. It was all too much for them to handle… and they broke.”

 _“… wouldn’t recommend…,”_ Jane said.

“Perhaps it is for the best, that you do not hear them as well,” Dr. Tulina said. “How are you handling all of this, Commander? I must admit you seem far more composed than I would imagine.”

“Uh, well, when I first was able to meditate and talk to Jane and she told me their story… and what might happen to me… Well, doc, I puked my guts out and cried myself to sleep,” Shepard admitted.

“Ah, I see. That is an understandable reaction to such an event. How do you feel about Jane now, Commander?” Dr. Tulina asked.

Shepard shrugged, “I guess I feel sorry for her. And I want to help her. But mostly… I want her to help me. I don’t want to end up like that, Dr. Tulina.”

“I would be shocked if you did, Commander,” Dr. Tulina said.

“So, yeah… there’s a lot to think about. Right now my focus is Virmire, though, and figuring out how to keep shit from going sideways,” Shepard said.

“Have you decided on how you will handle Virmire?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“I haven’t told them about the deaths. Well – I told Garrus. He’s good to talk to about things. But I haven’t told the others because I’m afraid it would be a distraction during the mission,” Shepard leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees and clasped her hands together, “More importantly, I hate to say this but the mission has to come first. Even if that means that I can’t find a way to save both Ashley and Kaidan. It won’t stop me from trying, of course, but part of being a soldier – a Commander – hell a Spectre… is doing what you have to do to get the job done. If I tell them, especially Kaidan and Ashley, there really isn’t any way that I could expect them to keep their heads in the game. And then if I fail to save one of them, I think that it would make things significantly harder for everyone. Especially whichever of them I chose to save.”

“I think that is a very wise decision, Commander. It sounds like you have given it a lot of thought. Have you a plan to save them both?” Dr. Tulina asked.

“The reason why one of them dies, ultimately, is because I allow one of my team to be placed under Kirrahe’s command. Now, I’m not saying this is Kirrahe’s fault but it leads to the two of them being in separate locations and both being in dire straits at the same time. I only have time to save one of them,” Shepard spread her palms apart to emphasize her point.

Dr. Tulina nodded and hummed in her throat, encouraging Shepard to continue.

“So, the only thing I can really plan on doing is not allowing one of my team to go with Kirrahe. The vision Jane showed me indicates that other Shepards have been reluctant to send someone with him, but inevitably they have anyway. I will have to be firm on the point. It might cause some strain, though,” Shepard leaned back in the chair, “I’ll need to try to understand exactly why Kirrahe feels he needs one of my team and see if there is a suitable work around that can be found. If it seems there really is no other way… I’ll have to let one of them go and make the hard choices that come with being a Commander.”

“I see. Have you given thought to which you would save if it comes to making that decision?” Dr. Tulina asked.

Shepard heaved a sigh, letting it flutter strands of her hair in the air before brushing them out of her face, “No, Dr. Tulina. I haven’t. I can’t bring myself to do that. That feels a little too much like premeditated murder of one of my own.”

Dr. Tulina stood, “That is an understandable, and perhaps appropriate feeling, Commander Shepard. Well, if you will excuse me, I should return to Toombs… and hope that I do not get distracted by pondering the existential questions the universe has always seemed reluctant to provide answers for until now.”

 

Shepard chuckled before asking, “You think it’d be alright if I came with you? I don’t want to upset him, but I’d like to see him.”

“Yes, Commander. In fact, I think that is an excellent idea and would be very beneficial for Toombs,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard walked to the med bay with Dr. Tulina and her heart sank. She saw Toombs sitting in a chair next to the bed she so recently occupied staring at nothing. He was so still, and so empty looking, it was hard to believe he was really even alive. Dr. Chakwas was sitting at her desk but was turned just enough that she could watch Toombs out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey, Toombs. Is it alright if I sit with you for a while?” Shepard asked.

Toombs turned his head slowly to look at Shepard, he blinked a few times but otherwise his expression remained the same. Cold, empty… dead.

“Your ship, Commander,” Toombs said monotonously.

Shepard pulled up a chair to sit at an angle facing Toombs. He went back to staring at nothing. Shepard leaned forward putting her elbows on her knees.

“I’m sorry, Toombs. I’m so sorry that I had no idea what that you were still alive. No idea what they were doing to you. And I’m sorry that you’re here now hurting. I think things can get better for you, Toombs. If you try, if you work on it with the doctors,” Shepard said.

Shepard saw tears start to well up in Toombs’ eyes. Her heart ached and her stomach twisted into knots.

 _“… look like… better,”_ Jane said.

After a very long moment of silence, Toombs whispered, “Why am I here, Shepard?”

Shepard watched the first tear fall from his eyes as she responded, “Because, Toombs. I’m hoping that you’ll let me help you. And because you’re safe here, under my authority, from facing charges for killing those scientists. Because I understand why you did it. Because I would have done the same, Toombs. Because some part of me wishes that they were still alive so I could kill them all over again for what they did to you.”

Dr. Tulina cleared her throat and when Shepard looked up at her she subtly shook her head. Shepard frowned and turned back to Toombs trying to choose her next words more carefully.

He closed his eyes, forcing more tears to roll down his scarred cheeks and let out a quivering sigh. “I don’t think you _can_ help me, Shepard. I don’t think the doctors _can_ help me. You should have just let me die,” Toombs said.

Shepard closed her eyes and hung her head, “I couldn’t do that, Toombs. I’m sorry.”

“Go away, Shepard. Just leave me alone,” Toombs sobbed.

“Is that what you really want?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah. Please, just leave me alone,” Toombs said.

“Alright, Toombs. I’m not going to stay away, but I’ll give your space for now,” Shepard said.

She stood up and looked at Dr. Tulina. The doctor gave her a sympathetic smile. Shepard turned and left for the cockpit. She slid into the seat next to Joker, and heaved a sigh.

“How far out are we, Joker?” Shepard asked.

Joker pressed a few buttons on the screen, “ETA one hour. So that guy, in the med bay, he was on Akuze with you?”

“Yeah, I thought they were all dead. Apparently I was wrong. He says that Cerberus got ahold of him, did a number on him. Ran tests involving thresher maw venom,” Shepard said.

“Damn. Cerberus, the same Cerberus we’ve been butting heads with?” Joker asked.

“Seems so,” Shepard said.

Shepard tried really hard not to think about the fact that in the vision with Kaidan slash Ashley, they said she was working with Cerberus. She couldn’t imagine a reality where she would ever work with such obvious bottom feeders if not for one really big, really good reason. She’d have to be pretty damn desperate, too. With the way the Council was denying the existence of the reapers, she imagined it might have something to do with that. She would talk to Jane about that eventually, but right now she had enough on her plate and ignored Jane’s buzzing.

“He must be one tough S.O.B. to have lived through that shit,” Joker said.

Shepard smiled, “Yeah. He really was. Now, I just hope he’s tough enough to live through himself.”

“That bad, huh?” Joker asked.

“Yeah, that bad,” Shepard said.

            “So, rumor has it that you and your boy toy turian shared ‘a moment’ this morning right in the middle of the mess hall,” Joker said breaking the silence that had stretched out over a few minutes.

            “What rumors, Joker? You don’t leave this damn cockpit,” Shepard said.

            “Don’t need to leave when I have a ship wide intercom system and security feeds at my fingertips,” Joker said.

            “So when you say ‘rumor’ what you really mean is you heard someone talking while you were spying on them,” Shepard said.

            “Uh, duh. I mean, yes, ma’am,” Joker said with a smirk.

            “Smartass. Well, he’s not my ‘boy toy turian’ and we didn’t have ‘a moment’. Garrus has been really supportive of me with all the crap that’s happening,” Shepard said.

            “I don’t know, Commander. Rumor has it he was sitting pretty close to you and he put his hand on you. Tali said he turned your chin to make you look at him, that’s got to mean something. At least that’s what Tali thinks,” Joker said.

            Shepard turned sideways in her chair and leaned towards Joker. She suppressed a smile as he watched her out of the corner of his eye. She reached out a hand and repeated the gesture that Garrus had used on her.

            “Ow, ow, watch my bones. What are you doing?” Joker furrowed his brow but didn’t resist the motion.

            When he was looking at her, Shepard raised an eyebrow pointedly and let him go.

            “Oh, great. Now you’re going to propose marriage to me. I knew you had the hots for me, Commander,” Joker said.

            Shepard laughed and shook her head sitting back in her seat.

            “You’re something else, Joker,” she said.

            “I would get on the comm and tell everyone that you’re in here touching me, but then you might try to die on us again,” Joker said.

            “Not funny, Moreau,” Shepard said with a contradictory smile on her face.

            Joker glanced over at her, “Really? I thought it was hilarious.”

            Shepard was relieved that Joker seemed oblivious to her midnight walk to the sleep pods and Garrus’ resulting actions. She hoped he didn’t make a habit of reviewing old feeds out of boredom or she’d never hear the end of it. Shepard chuckled and stood up.

            “Alright, Joker. Give the ship a heads up at ETA thirty minutes,” She patted him on the shoulder and turned to leave.

            “There you go with the touching again,” Joker said over his shoulder.

            Shepard smirked and turned back, “Does it bother you, Joker? I mean really?”

            “Maybe, it could. I mean, you’re my commanding officer and all, it’s not like I could just tell you to stop,” Joker said.

            “First of all, I wouldn’t buy that load of crap from you of all people if you gift wrapped it with a pretty ribbon and said it was gold. Second, I have it on good authority that while I was unconscious one Flight Lieutenant Jeff ‘Joker’ Moreau was seen patting _my_ shoulder before he left the med bay,” Shepard said.

            “Oh. She told you. Figures. Damn tyrant,” Joker grumbled.

            “Yep,” Shepard said popping the ‘p’. “She told me, and it made my heart get all warm and fuzzy inside. Face it Joker, you’re stuck with me.”

            “Yeah, yeah. Suppose there’s worse people to be stuck with. Of course, that means you’re stuck with me,” Joker said turning his head to look up at her with a smirk.

            “Wouldn’t have it any other way, Joker,” Shepard said.

She patted his shoulder again on principle before leaving. She heard him chuckle as she went and it brought a smile to her face. She went to the mess hall and grabbed a couple of protein bars. She plastered a smile on her face and nodded at Kaidan, it was getting increasingly difficult to look at either him or Ashley without imagining them dead.

At her locker, she decided what she wanted to take with her and looked over her gear from Ontarom. She had to admit that Garrus took better care of it all than she would have. She was just starting to put on her armor when Kaidan came over to help her. She did her best to keep her face neutral and smile when she thought it appropriate but some of her reservation must have leaked through.

“Are you nervous, Commander?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah, I suppose I am. A lot riding on this, isn’t there?” Shepard said.

Kaidan chuckles, “You might say that. I have faith in you, Commander. I think that if anyone can do this, it’s you.”

“Thanks, Kaidan. But aren’t I the one who is supposed to be giving you a pep talk?” Shepard asked.

“You’re only human, Shepard. We all need a little encouragement from time to time,” Kaidan said.

Shepard gave him a genuine smile at that.

“ETA to Virmire, thirty minutes,” Joker’s voice came over the comm.

“Alright, Alenko. It’s show time. Go get your ass in armor, marine,” Shepard said.

“Yes ma’am,” he chuckled and walked with her to the elevator.

The cargo bay was a flurry of motion as everyone gathered around their lockers to get there armor and weapons ready. The Mako was prepped and ready to go. They wouldn’t all be able to go down in the Mako; it wasn’t big enough for that. There would be a ground team going in first to secure the location and then the Normandy would land.

Shepard planned on taking Tali and Wrex down with her to clear the way for the Normandy. She knew that there would be a lot geth, and the potential for facing krogan was clear. She moved around the cargo bay making sure that everyone had the best of everything before anyone went groundside. Shepard’s frustration over spending credits on the HMWP VII when she later found better weapons was short lived. When she saw how well the Karpov IX pistol handled, she was nothing short of giddy. She ended up getting herself a HMWSG VII shotgun from the Spectre requisitions as well. She kept the HMWP VII; it was up in her cabin next to her bed. It was somewhat of a trophy to her. Something to mark her ascension to Spectre status.

Everyone gathered around Shepard and she knew they were expecting her to say something. Shepard shifted her weight and took her time looking at everyone; meeting each pressing gaze with as much affected calm and confidence as she could.

“Alright, everyone. I can’t even begin to try to explain everything that I know about what we’re about to face. There are going to be some tense moments. Some of you might be tempted to question my actions and my choices,” Shepard let her eyes rest on Wrex for a moment.

“I know that not all of you are soldiers. In a way, that makes your presence here that much more impressive because you aren’t here on orders but you took it upon yourself. You made a choice to follow me in this hunt for Saren. I know that you all have different reasons, different fealties, but you are a part of my crew,” Shepard said.

“And as a part of my crew, I expect you to follow my orders when we’re out there. You don’t have to agree with me, but I need you to know that when I make a call it is because it is what is best for the mission. However, just because I will do what needs to be done to see this thing through, it does not mean that I am willing to cast aside the needs and safety of my crew. If I ask you to do something you don’t like, and inevitably I will, do as I ask knowing that I am either asking because it is imperative for the mission or for your safety,” She let her eyes linger on Ashley and Kaidan.

“I want us all to walk out of this alive, and we _will_ walk out victorious. Alright, let’s go. Wrex, Tali, with me in the Mako. Everyone else will go in with the Normandy once the ground team gets the AA Towers shut down and it’s safe for Joker to land,” Shepard said.

Everyone started to break away, Tali and Wrex heading to the Mako.

“Garrus? Walk with me a minute?” Shepard said before he could leave.

“Of course, Shepard,” Garrus moved to Shepard’s side and let her lead him towards Engineering.

There would be only humans in Engineering now; she wouldn’t need to worry about being overheard. Once they were inside Engineering and the door was closed beside them, Shepard stopped Garrus in the doorway.

“Listen, things are going to get ugly with Wrex down there. Saren’s set up a krogan breeding facility. He’s making an army…,” Shepard rubbed her forehead. “The salarians are going to have a plan to blow up the facility.”

Garrus sucked a breath as the implications hit him, “What do you need me to do, Shepard?”

“I’ll handle Wrex, but I’m going to need you to distract Ashley when the time comes. I will talk Wrex down. I’ve… seen how to do it, what needs to be said. I just know that a lot has changed from the visions I’ve been having and… well, to be honest, I don’t like to put all my eggs in one basket,” Shepard said.

When Garrus raised an eye ridge in question, “Human saying, ask me later and I’ll explain it. Anyway, Ashley is going to want to take Wrex down. She won’t wait for my signal. If she thinks things are going sideways, she’s going to shoot Wrex in the back of the head. Keep her away from Wrex. Restrain her if you need to – hell; knock her ass out if you must. Kaidan will probably be upset but tell him it’s on my orders, he’ll back off. Think you can handle that?”

Garrus crossed his arms, “Shepard. I’m disappointed you think you even need to ask.”

“Don’t get cocky on me, Garrus. Williams can be kinda wily,” Shepard said with a smirk.

Garrus put a hand on her shoulder making Shepard’s heart flutter, “Don’t worry, Shepard. I got this.”

“Thanks, Garrus. Not just for this… but everything,” Shepard said.

“Hey, when I said ‘anything’, I meant it,” Garrus said, his visor constricting and expanding.

Shepard reached up and squeezed the hand on her shoulder, “Careful there, Garrus. I’m already considering putting you in charge of maintaining my gear from now on. You really shouldn’t have done such a fantastic job.”

Garrus chuckled, “Well, I don’t do anything half-assed as you humans say.”

“Good to know,” Shepard said.

A blush started to creep up her cheeks so she quickly turned back to the door and cleared her throat, “We should, uh, we should get back out there.”

“I’m right behind you, Shepard,” Garrus said.

Shepard made straight for the Mako and climbed in the driver’s seat. Wrex was already in the passenger’s seat and Tali was manning the guns. Joker’s voice came over the comm letting her know they were approaching the landing site. She saw the ramps by the cargo door start to lower and she started the Mako, pulling it forward. The cargo door opened and Shepard drove the Mako off the ship, kicking on the thrusters to soften the blow when they neared the ground. The Mako landed with a splash, kicking up the shallow water that filled the mountainous pass.

Shepard reached out for Jane’s guidance. The pass wound and split in several locations as they went. Pockets of geth were spread out in strategic positions. Shepard went out of her way to make sure that they got every last one of them. They stopped at a gatehouse to clear out the top floor where Tali couldn’t get a lock with the Mako. A second gatehouse housed the AA guns. It was heavily guarded, complete with a geth destroyer.  Shepard deactivated the AA guns generator and opened the gates so she could pass through with the Mako. Joker radioed to let her know he was headed to the salarian base.

Back out at the Mako she saw the Normandy fly by overhead and disappear behind the mountains. They fought their way through more geth to clear out a final gatehouse. Joker called in to report that the Normandy reached the camp and was grounded. Shepard had expected as much. The rest of the way to the salarian camp was clear. She hopped out of the Mako and made her way up to the salarian she recognized from her visions.

“Commander Shepard, Council Spectre. I’m sure you were hoping for more reinforcements but the message you sent the Council was unclear. They sent me to investigate the nature of your current status and to render aid,” Shepard said coming to a stop next to Ashley.

“Captain Kirrahe, Third Infiltration Regiment STG. That is unfortunate; we really could have used a fleet. I’ve lost a lot of men investigating this place,” Kirrahe said.

“What’s here?” Kaidan asked from Shepard’s other side.

“A krogan breeding facility. Saren has set it up as his base of operations. He’s raising a krogan army,” Kirrahe said.

Wrex walked over, “Breeding krogan? How is that possible?”

“Apparently Saren discovered a cure for the genophage,” Kirrahe said.

Shepard shifted watching Wrex closely, “We can’t let Saren take control of a krogan army. The Council isn’t taking this reaper threat seriously, and they aren’t committing more people to stopping Saren. We’re in this alone.”

“Reapers. Yes, I recall mention of that in the reports you made to the Council. Perhaps if we make it out of here alive, you can fill me in on the details, Commander? For now, we have to find a way to ensure that this facility and its secrets are destroyed,” Kirrahe said.

Shepard had to school her features to keep from wincing.

Wrex shook his head, “This can save my people. We aren’t destroying this place.”

Kirrahe looked from Wrex to Shepard, “That would be a tremendous mistake. The krogan would be unstoppable. The Council would never approve, Spectre. They won’t make that mistake again.”

“Wrex…,” Shepard said in warning as he moved towards the salarian.

He turned to look at Shepard; his anger was nearly a physical presence on its own, “Shepard. My people are not a mistake. If there is a cure for the genophage I want it!”

“I know Wrex,” Shepard said.

Wrex stormed off down the beach and started firing his gun at the fish in the water. Shepard glanced over at Garrus who had been standing a few feet away. He nodded discreetly and strode over to stand next to Ashley. Shepard turned back to Kirrahe.

“I fear this may be problematic,” Kirrahe said.

“I’ll handle Wrex, you figure out how we’re going to pull this off,” Shepard said.

She started to go to Wrex but Kaidan spoke up, “Things here are worse than I thought they’d be, are you sure we can pull this off, Commander?”

“Absolutely, Alenko,” Shepard said.

“What about Wrex, ma’am? Look at him, he’s about to explode… those poor fish,” Ashley said.

“Let me handle Wrex, Williams. I can talk him down,” Shepard said.

“If you say so ma’am, but I’ll keep an eye on him just in case,” Ashley said.

“Williams, let me handle Wrex,” Shepard commanded before turning her back, trusting Garrus to do his job.

She heard Garrus strike up a conversation as she walked away, “What weapons did Shepard set you up with?”

She stopped a few feet away from Wrex and he turned to look at her.

 _“… all… very, very…many changes… may not… help you,”_ Jane said.

“Changes is what you wanted, Jane,” Shepard reminded her.

 _“… but I… help you… don’t… happening… my best,”_ Jane said.

Understanding her intent, Shepard thought back to Jane, “I understand. Do what you can and try to give me a heads up if I’m walking into completely new territory.”

 _“Yes,”_ Jane said.

“We’re not doing this, Shepard. This isn’t right. My people need this cure. We’ve suffered from the Council’s betrayal for too long,” Wrex said.

“You’re right. You have, but we have to do this Wrex,” Shepard said. “You heard what Shiala said on Feros. You’ve fought krogan under Saren’s influence. You know we can’t let this continue. We can’t let Saren have an army of krogan who are bent to his will.”

 _“Good,”_ Jane said.

“We don’t let Saren have them; you said he’d be here. We kill him, problem solved,” Wrex said turning to face Shepard.

“Problem not solved, Wrex. Even if we do kill Saren here, the things that he’s done to these krogans’ minds isn’t going to end with Saren. Benezia said that it was the ship, Sovereign that causes the indoctrination. And I firmly believe she is right. Everything that I have seen says she is right. We know that Saren has a lot of people following him. Anyone of them might step up to take his place. This thing isn’t as simple as killing Saren,” Shepard said.

 _“Good?”_ Jane said sticking to single words since they were the easiest to get through.

“I’m willing to take that chance, Shepard. This is my people we’re talking about,” Wrex said stepping closer to Shepard to lean his face close to hers.

“And I’m not willing to take that chance, Wrex. This is the entire galaxy we’re talking about if Saren or one of his flunkies get their hands on these krogan or are allowed to keep the knowledge of how to make more somewhere else,” Shepard said standing her ground.

 _“Bad,”_ Jane said.

“I’ve been loyal to you, Shepard. You’ve got to give me something better than this, Shepard. On the Normandy, you made it clear that you expect us to all follow your orders. I’ve done everything you’ve asked, Shepard without question but if this is going to happen, I have to know it’s for the right reasons,” Wrex said pointing his gun at Shepard.

Shepard fought back the urge to pull out her own gun. She heard Ashley screaming at Garrus down the beach, telling him to let her go. Shepard closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

 _“New. Good,”_ Jane said.

“He’s pointing his gun at me and that’s good?” Shepard asked.

 _“Always does,”_ Jane said. _“You’re… at him… restrained.”_

“Wrex. These krogan are not your people. They are mindless tools that Saren is using to bring about the destruction of all civilization. Tools, just like the Council treated the krogan only he won’t be as kind when he’s done with them. I know you want more for your people, Wrex. I want more for them, too. But is this really how you want to get it?” Shepard asked waving her hand out towards the facility.

 _“Very good,”_ Jane said.

Wrex lowered his gun, “Alright, Shepard. You’ve got a quad. You’ve made your point. I want Saren’s head for this. His head, Shepard. We don’t turn him into the Council, we take his head. Promise me that, Shepard.”

“You got it, Wrex. In the meantime, I’m keeping you with me. Now, I can’t keep my eyes on you the whole time, there’s no telling what we’ll find in there so don’t make this hard on me,” Shepard said dropping her voice low and praying it wouldn’t carry to anyone else’ ears.

“I mean, who knows what data you might be able to find while I’m not looking,” Shepard raised an eyebrow.

 _“New,”_ Jane said. _“Nice touch.”_

“Thanks,” Shepard thought.

Shepard knew her message had been received when Wrex’s eyes grew a little wider and the corner of his mouth twitched, “You don’t need to worry, Shepard. I won’t make this difficult for you.”

Shepard smiled, “So, are we good?”

“We’re good, let’s get this over with,” Wrex said.

Shepard patted Wrex on the shoulder and made her way back to the very pissed off Ashley. Shepard stopped in front of Ashley and crossed her arms over her chest. She pursed her lips and waited for Ashley to look at her. Shepard could feel a sense of smug satisfaction coming from Jane.

“What did I say before we went groundside, Williams?” Shepard asked.

“He had a gun on you, ma’am. I felt duty-bound to intervene,” Ashley said.

“I gave you an order, Williams. When I give you an order you are expected to follow that order. You above all others, the exception being Alenko, on my team are expected to follow any order I give regardless of what you think about that order,” Shepard said with a cold stare. “Now, maybe I’ve just been too friendly with you while we’re on the ship and that gave you the impression that it’s OK to disregard my orders when you deem it necessary. If that’s the case, Williams, then you tell me now and I will be sure to keep shit so formal it makes you want to cry. Do I make myself clear, Williams?”

“Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am. It won’t happen again.” Ashley said.

“Let her go, Garrus,” Shepard said.

Garrus let Ashley’s wrists that he had pinned behind her back go. Ashley rolled her shoulders and rubbed at her wrists.

“You see, that’s how you follow an order,” Shepard said.

 _“Ouch,”_ Jane said.

“Too much?” Shepard asked Jane.

 _“Not… my book,”_ Jane said.

She turned and made her way back to Kirrahe, “What have you got, Captain?”

“Our ship’s drive system can be converted into a twenty-kiloton ordnance. It will have to be placed in the far side of the facility for this to work.” Kirrahe said. “It can be moved to the location in your ship, but ground teams will have to clear the area first and disable the AA guns.”

“With all due respect, Captain, but we don’t have enough men for that,” Kaidan said.

“I assume you’ve thought this through completely and there is no other way?” Shepard asked Kirrahe.

“I have, and there is not. I will divide my men into three teams. We will hit the front of the facility while your ‘shadow’ team sneaks in the back.” Kirrahe said.

“You’ll suffer heavy losses, Captain,” Shepard said. “It would be best if you can create a diversion that doesn’t involve throwing your men at their fortifications. Give me a minute?”

 _“… doing?… oh… not bad… works,”_ Jane said.

“Time is short, Commander, please hurry,” Kirrahe said.

Shepard opened her comm link, “Tali I need you over by the main tent.”

“Right away, Commander,” Tali said.

A moment later Tali walked up, “How can I help, Shepard?”

“Tali, we need a diversion. Something to throw at the front of the facility to distract the geth and probably krogan long enough to give Kirrahe’s men a fighting chance. The more damage, the better. And we need it quick. Any ideas?” Shepard asked.

“The fastest I could do would be to take apart the Mako’s cannons and wire them for use as a turret. It would be heavy, it would take two or three men probably to set it up but it would be easy for them to do. I think I saw a cart in the cargo bay that they could use to help transport it to their location,” Tali said.

 _“… my girl… genius… doesn’t… it,”_ Jane said.

Shepard turned to Kirrahe and raised an eyebrow, “Kirrahe?”

“That would be quite useful. Perhaps a little difficult to transport but I think we could manage,” Kirrahe said.

Shepard asked Tali, “How long?”

“Thirty minutes maybe? With a little help I could probably have it ready in twenty,” Tali said.

“Good with you, Captain?” Shepard asked.

“Yes, I believe we can spare the time for such a weapon,” Kirrahe said.

She turned back to Tali, “Do it. Garrus, give her a hand.”

“I think you may have just pushed the odds in our favor. Excellent work, Commander,” Kirrahe said.

“Not my work, Captain, but I’ll be sure to tell Tali you said so,” Shepard said.

“One more thing, Commander. I will need one of your team to accompany us to help coordinate the teams,” Kirrahe said.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Captain. They can help you to coordinate from this base but as soon as I leave, they leave,” Shepard said.

“Commander, this mission is too important for personal preferences to stand in the way,” Kirrahe said.

“It’s not a matter of personal preferences, Kirrahe. You’re taking your men into be slaughtered. I’m not sending one of mine,” Shepard said. “I’m giving your teams all of the help that I can by having Tali take apart my Mako. I will gladly give you whatever aid I can as we go; sabotage their defenses as I can and I will be happy to airlift your team out of here when the bomb is set, but my team stays with the ship or with me.”

Kaidan shifted uncomfortably next to her. Ashley stayed still and quiet, her eyes locked dead ahead.

“I see. That is most unfortunate. I suppose I will have no choice but to take you up on your offer to help coordinate from here,” Kirrahe said.

 _“New!”_ Jane said. _“… got… agree… press the…”_

“I can help them, Commander,” Kaidan said.

“Thank you, Alenko. Captain, is there no one that you have that would be able to aid with co-ordinations on the field?” Shepard asked.

“No one else of rank, I’m afraid. I will give it some thought, though. My men are all well trained. A few of them may soon even be up for promotion,” Kirrahe said.

Kaidan left with Kirrahe to go over the maps and help to coordinate as he could. Twenty minutes later, Tali and Garrus returned pulling a cart loaded with their rigged turret. Shepard watched with pride as Tali and Garrus showed the salarians how to assemble and dissemble the turret as well as how to use it once it was in place. The men assigned to man the turret spent a few minutes putting it together an taking it back apart until they were moving with speed and precision. The teams were assigned and Kirrahe gathered before his men to give them a speech.

Shepard wasn’t paying much attention but she was pretty sure she heard him say something about holding the line far more times than was necessary. She was lost in thought, wondering what impact her actions here would have. She couldn’t shake the nagging thought that she might be causing the mission to fail somehow by refusing to send one of her team. She assured herself that these salarians were STG; the best the salarians had to offer. Surely they could manage their own teams. She glanced at Kaidan and Ashley. Ashley was pissed off at Shepard, she could see it all over her face but she had fallen in line and that was all that mattered. Kaidan was frowning and his brow was furrowed. He was unhappy about something; possibly her refusal to send one of her team with Kirrahe. She wasn’t too worried though, he’d have to sort his own feelings out on this one. Kaidan was a reliable soldier, he’d do as he was told when push came to shove.

When Kirrahe was done talking, Shepard called Garrus and Wrex to be on her ‘shadow’ team. The others were making their way back to the Normandy to secure the bomb. Shepard led her team through the ankle-deep waters with their guns drawn. Kirrahe’s voice came over the comm directing his teams. Shepard let Jane lead her through the area, heading straight for the communications tower. After killing the geth that were guarding the area, Shepard disabled the communications uplink to make it a little easier for Kirrahe’s teams.

Pushing forward, Shepard went out of her way to take down every pocket of geth that Jane could remember and kept her eye on her scanners for more. They made their way to the satellite uplink tower and Shepard shot down the satellite while Garrus and Wrex focused on the geth and krogan. Once the satellite fell, she joined them in firing on their enemies. She was glad to see that Wrex wasn’t hesitating as he used a Throw to keep the krogan from charging.

The refueling station proved to be a bit trickier than the other locations. The assault and rocket drones forced Shepard back until she could get a bead on the fuel tank that was beneath the larger group of drones. Shepard shot the tank; the resulting explosion took care of half the drones for her. The remaining drones weren’t getting close enough for it to do much damage when she shot the second tank, so she had to take them out with guns and Garrus’ tech.

At the facility’s back entrance, geth shields dotted the walkways. Shepard saw both krogan and geth near the doors. She took advantage of the geth shields that were on her side of the walkway leading up the building while they lasted. She concentrated on keeping the krogan on their side by using her biotics to knock them back or lift them into the air while Wrex filled them full of holes. When the last krogan was down they turned their attention to the geth only to find that Garrus had already cleaned house.

They moved across the walkway and through a door on the far right. The door opened up on another walkway that led down to a row of locked doors. Garrus hopped on the console and set to work opening the doors for them. He offered to divert any guards by triggering an alarm on the other side of the base, it would put more heat on Kirrahe’s teams but clear the way for them. Shepard told him there wasn’t any fun in that; it earned her a sly grin from Garrus and a low chuckle from Wrex.

With the doors now unlocked, Shepard’s team moved into the building to face geth destroyers and indoctrinated salarians. Kirrahe had said he’d lost a lot of men to this place, he just didn’t specify how exactly. Thanks to Jane, Shepard wasn’t surprised and didn’t hesitate to shoot. The room was filled with crates providing her plenty of cover as she snaked her way around the destroyers to shoot at them while their backs were turned. A few stairs at the back of the room led her to more salarians and a geth juggernaut.

“Shit!” Shepard said ducking back behind a crate.

 _“… didn’t think… this time,”_ Jane whispered.

Shepard turned around the corner of the crate to fire her shotgun into the juggernaut’s chest before moving back down the stairs. She gave orders to her team to hit it with everything they had. The juggernaut rounded the corner and stood at the top of the steps where it was hit full force with both Shepard and Wrex’s Carnage shot gun blasts, and Garrus’ assault rifle Overkill. The juggernaut stumbled forward and crashed down the stairs. Shepard skirted around its mechanical corpse to put down the crazed salarians before taking her team through the door at the back.

They passed through the small room and out another door onto a catwalk overlooking detention cells. She heard a salarian call out to her from one of the cells as she passed. Another door opened into a room with more indoctrinated salarians that were easily incapacitated. An elevator stood out against the wall on the right-hand side, situated between two other doors.

Shepard turned to face the doors while Wrex moved to the computers in the room. Garrus walked up next to Shepard and like her, turned his back to Wrex.

“You, uh, do know what he’s doing, right?” Garrus asked quietly.

Shepard shrugged her shoulders before glancing at Garrus, “I didn’t see anything. I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

Garrus nodded slowly, but she could see the tension in his mandibles, “Alright, Shepard.”

When Wrex joined them again Shepard took the first door down to the detention cells below. She spent some time talking to the salarian through the thick glass. He said his name was Lieutenant Ganto Imness and he told her all about the horrors he was forced to watch as Saren’s people put his fellow salarians through the indoctrination process. Apparently, they had left him alone as a control subject. Shepard was hesitant, but he sounded sane and Jane seemed amendable to the idea so Shepard released Imness but told him he was on his own. The salarian wasted no time fleeing the facility, hoping to escape the blast range before Shepard blew the place up.

Another cell was filled with salarians that were long past saving. They milled about mindlessly, groaning. Shepard opened the cell and shot each one of them. It was a mercy, that wasn’t life in there anymore; they were hollow shells – nearly husks. Wrex grunted in approval as they made their way back up top and through the other door. It led upstairs to more detention cells where Shepard stopped to talk to another coherent salarian prisoner. This one, Private Menos Avot was definitely indoctrinated even if he wasn’t as mindless as the others. He begged her to let him out but she refused. Distraught, the salarian charged the cell and cracked his head on the glass before slumping to the ground. Shepard opened the door and shot him in the head before doing the same for the ones in the next cells. Stairs past the cells led down to more of the indoctrinated.

They made their way back to the elevator to the research labs. The room was lined with fusion containment cells holding husks in stasis. Shepard ignored them and moved deeper into the room towards where she knew a krogan and asari would be found. She was spotted and the asari called out for guards. The husks poured out of their stasis chambers and charged at Shepard’s team. She trusted in Wrex and Garrus to keep the husks off of her while she focused first on taking down the asari before turning her gun on the krogan doctor.

When the room was clear, Shepard was careful to keep her eyes off of Wrex while she examined the fusion containment cells and dug through crates. Wrex bellowed with rage and Shepard heard a crash. She turned to see him knocking computers off tables and knocking over machines and cursing.

 _“Not good,”_ Jane whispered.

“Clearly,” Shepard thought back with a frown.

“Nothing! There’s nothing here, Shepard. They must have destroyed it all when they saw us coming,” Wrex bellowed.

“I’m sorry, Wrex. It was worth a shot. Don’t lose focus on me now, Wrex,” Shepard said.

Wrex slammed his fist into a wall before taking a few deep breaths.

He hung his head, “I’m with you, Shepard.”

A door in the middle of the room led to another exterior walkway. They followed it around the side of the building and to another door guarded by two troopers. Shepard didn’t even need to slow down to take them out and then she was through the door. An asari was hiding under the table when the door opened.

She came out of hiding and begged for her freedom. She said her name was Rana Thanoptis and tried to barter for her life by unlocking the way to the elevator to Saren’s lab. Shepard waited for her to open the elevator before shooting her in the head. She didn’t know why she felt the need to justify the action to Garrus, but she did.

“She was nowhere near as innocent as she tried to make herself sound,” Shepard said.

Garrus didn’t seem to care in the slightest. Wrex eyed the asari’s computer and Shepard turned away. He wasn’t able to find anything there about the krogan but sent some information about indoctrination to Shepard’s omni-tool before they went through the door and across the walkway. The next door opened into a small room with the elevator.

The elevator let them off on a platform. Down below, was a prothean beacon. Shepard had expected Wrex to insist on using the beacon himself. She didn’t want to have to explain to him that all of the things she had been doing lately had nothing to do with the beacon but it turned out that she didn’t need to. Wrex was more focused on losing information that could have helped to save his people.

Shepard made her way down the staircase and activated the beacon. Like before, green light reached out from it and lifted her off of her feet flooding her mind with images of death and destruction. When it released her, she dropped to her knees on the concrete. Garrus was there to slide a hand under her arm and help pull her to her feet.

“You good, Commander?” Garrus asked.

“Yeah, I’m good,” she said.

Shepard walked back up the stairs and on to where the platform extended out into the room. Red holographic controls had opened up to the left and right. As she approached, a looming image of Sovereign appeared.

“You are not Saren,” Sovereign said.

“Nope,” Shepard said popping her ‘p’. “But I know who you are. I know what you are. I know what you’re trying to do. And I will stop you. So, we done here? Good. Fuck you.”

Shepard raised her pistol and fired into the power sources that lined the wall below, the holographic image flickered and disappeared. She turned to see Garrus and Wrex staring at her wide eyed.

“What? He’s a big bad reaper and our puny mortal minds can’t even begin to understand. They bring order to the chaos blah, blah, blah. I’ve already heard it all. Don’t need to hear it again,” Shepard said.

“ _That_ was a reaper? I thought it was just a reaper ship!” Garrus said.

“Oh, did I forget to mention that? Sorry,” Shepard said.

“Uh, Commander?” Joker’s voice came through the comm.

“I’m here, Joker,” Shepard said.

 “I don’t know what you did, but this has you written all over it. Whatever it was, you pissed someone off good. That ship, Sovereign, its headed right for you now. That thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half,” Joker said.

“Thanks for the heads up, Joker,” Shepard said.

A geth destroyer met them back out on the walkway. The destroyer charged at Shepard while the trio fired at it and it crashed just before reaching her. She stepped over it and moved to the door at the other end of the walkway. As they went through the door she saw a bridge being lowered to connect the walkway to the next area. Two heavily shielded krogans waited on the other side. Beyond them a door led to a hallway that wrapped around to the left before exiting back outdoors.

A tiered deck lined the side of the building, narrowing into a walkway that curved upwards around the corner before empting out onto another tiered deck. Krogan and geth waited at the top. The foot soldiers were of little concern but the rocket drones were more problematic. They had more options for cover in this area and so were able to avoid major injuries. When the drones were down, Shepard headed up the stairs to shut off the turret generator. Just then, more geth arrived from behind her team. Shepard was ready for them though, and the three more that appeared when the elevator opened up beside her.

She kicked the geth corpses out of the way and stepped into the elevator. The elevator let them out in a hall. Shepard stopped to raid the Medi-gel station, restocking her supply before heading towards the next door. A geth stalker fired on her team the second the door was opened. Shepard used her biotics to ground it while Garrus finished it off. The path to the door across from them was filled with ankle-deep water. Hydraulic support beams lined either side.

Shepard hit the door control and the door slid up, letting her into the location that they would be placing the bomb. She moved back from where the Normandy would be landing when she saw it fly in overhead. The cargo doors opened and she noticed none of the men helping Ashley unload the bomb was Kaidan.

A cold sense of dread washed over her, “Williams, where’s Alenko?”

“He’s with the salarians, ma’am,” Ashley said.

 _“No… Kaidan… damn it,”_ Jane whispered.

“What? What do you mean he’s with the salarians? What happened?” Shepard demanded.

“After your team left, Kaidan decided he was going to help Captain Kirrahe. He told me to tell you that he accepts the consequences, whatever they may be but that it was the right thing to do,” Ashley said.

The Normandy took off to go to the rendezvous location.

“Gods damn it, why didn’t you try to stop him?” Shepard raised her voice.

“He’s a superior officer, ma’am. I was just following orders,” Ashley said.

Shepard was too furious to care about the spiteful edge Ashley’s voice had taken on. Kaidan was with the salarians. One of them was going to have to die now.

“Damn it, Williams!” Shepard yelled, her hands clenching into fists at her side.

“Commander, I uh, I don’t think I’m going to make it to the rendezvous point,” Kaidan’s voice broke through the comm.

Ashley’s face went pale, “Commander, I’m going to need a couple of minutes to finish arming –.”

“There isn’t time,” Shepard said quietly.

She felt Garrus move up beside her in silent support.

“I’m sorry, ma’am?” Ashley said.

“I said there isn’t fucking time!” Shepard yelled.

Shepard opened her comm link, “Kaidan. I – I can’t come for you. I’m sorry. The geth dropship will be here any second and if I leave now… Williams and the rest of the bomb crew will die. This was why I told Kirrahe no. Damn it, Kaidan. I wish you had listened.”

“It’s alright, Commander. I understand. I have no regrets. You protect the others and get that bomb set. I’m sorry, Ash. Be good to the Commander, she’s going to need you at her side,” Kaidan said.

“What? No! You knew?! You knew this was going to happen and you didn’t tell us? No, Commander, go get LT. I’ll deal with the bomb. Don’t worry; I’ll make sure it goes off. No matter what,” Ashley said.

Shepard shook her head slowly, fighting back the tears in her eyes, “No, Williams. That’s not going to happen. Finish with the bomb and prepare for a fight. The geth are on their way and Saren won’t be far behind.”

“I… yes ma’am,” Ashley said.

Shepard pointed at the door opposite of the one she entered by, “There will be krogan behind that door. Wrex, Garrus.”

Shepard opened the door and the three of them opened fired. Shepard was so filled with rage that despite her best intentions, despite her machinations, Kaidan was still going to die. She charged one of the krogan, firing into it over and over again. Shepard heard Garrus swear and Wrex roar. The sound of their pounding footsteps let her know that they were right behind her. When the severely wounded krogan was within a few feet of Shepard, she used her biotics to fling him against the sharp edge of one of the hydraulic supports snapping his spine in half. He dropped back to the ground and she fired three more shots into him before turning to help Garrus finish off the one he had closed in on. Wrex was fine on his own. He slammed his head into the other krogan’s, bellowing with all of his rage before reaching up and snapping the krogan’s neck.

Chests heaving, the three of them stood looking at one another for a quiet moment. Shepard chose to ignore the worry and compassion she saw in Garrus’ eyes. She turned and went back through the door. A few seconds later the geth dropship flew in overhead. Troopers, snipers, a destroyer, juggernaut, and a prime – they all poured out of the ship. Shepard fought harder and with more determination then she though she ever had before. She took more glee in decimating her enemies than she thought she had ever felt before. Jane was reduced to a buzzing in her head, her words unable to break through Shepard’s rage.

Garrus and Wrex echoed her flurry of shots with their own. Ashley scrambled to get the bomb prepped. The rest of the bomb team surrounded her to protect Ashley and the bomb, but they didn’t last long against the towering geth prime. When finally the last geth crashed to the watery floor, Shepard leaned against a crate and with her hands on her elbows sucking in deep breaths. She could feel Garrus’ eyes on her and she lifted her head to meet his gaze. They watched each other in that moment of stillness without saying a word. Neither dropped their eyes from the other until Shepard heard Kaidan’s voice break through on the comm. Shepard closed her eyes and switched to her pistol. The shotgun would be too slow for Saren. She was listening to one of her team die – her friend die, when Saren swooped down into sight.

Shepard wasted no time firing her pistol at the turian but they were completely deflected by his shields. He returned fire, flinging blasts of biotics at her and she dove back behind cover. Saren dropped down to the ground and started walking straight towards Shepard’s location. He stopped halfway there; his hovering platform slowly lowered down next to him.

Shepard stepped out of cover and fired several shots rapidly at Saren as he started walking towards her again. He didn’t even flinch as his shields knocked her bullets aside. He stopped on the dry strip of concrete that stood between the two exits. Shepard ducked back behind the crate letting her pistol cool down.

“I applaud you, Shepard. My geth were utterly convinced the salarians were the real threat. An impressive diversion,” Saren said. “Of course, it was all for nothing. I can’t let you disrupt what I have accomplished here. You can’t possibly understand what’s really at stake.”

“Sure I do. You let Sovereign make you his bitch because you were too chicken shit to fight him instead. You’re indoctrinated, Saren,” Shepard yelled from behind the crate.

“Fight it, Shepard? Sovereign cannot be fought. You think that your pathetic attempt to thwart my plans means anything to Sovereign. You’ve barely managed to catch his notice, Spectre,” Saren spat the last word out like it was the punchline to a bad joke. “Don’t you understand, Shepard? The reapers are coming. They cannot be stopped, and the only way for any of us to survive this is for us to cooperate.”

“You’re insane, Saren. Sovereign isn’t going let you survive. You’re nothing more to it than a slave, a tool, to be discarded when it is no longer of use. I will die before I allow myself to become a mindless slave,” Shepard said.

Shepard used hand signals to order Wrex and Garrus into place, Saren wasn’t going to put up with her diatribe much longer. Shepard stood up out of cover to mask the movements of her team, keeping Saren’s eyes locked on her.

“You cannot win, Shepard. Why fight? Why doom yourself and everyone around you to certain death when survival is possible and victory is not? This is why I never brought this to the Council. We organics are ruled by emotion, and not logic,” Saren said. “Think of how many lives could be spared, Shepard.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You really think you can convince me to – what? – join you and let myself become a puppet like you? Face it, Saren. You are indoctrinated. You are already completely and utterly lost to Sovereign and you don’t even realize it!” Shepard said.

Saren shook his head as if in regret, “I tried to reason with you, Shepard. I had hoped that you would see that this is the only way. I cannot allow you to undo everything I have worked for, to forge an alliance between organics and machine. You must die.”

Shepard signaled to her team as Saren hopped back on his hovering platform. They fired at Saren until he had retreated back towards the fuel tanks. She dodged out of the way of a rocket blast, rolling through the water to come up on her knees and fired at the fuel tank. The fuel tank exploded, sending Saren flying off of his hovering platform. He recovered and fired another blast at Shepard from the ground. It knocked her and her team into the air and flat on their backs.

Then he was on her, just like in the vision. His hands wrapped around her throat and drug her through the water a few feet before he lifted her into the air. She couldn’t breathe. Her mind flashed back to her dream, she was floating off into space as the Normandy fell apart around her. Her suit was ruptured and her air was escaping. She clawed at her Saren’s hands, trying to pry them away from her throat.

The bomb let out a warning siren as the lights began to whir and flash, indicating that it was live. Saren turned his head at the noise and Shepard reared back her fist. He turned back to her and she let it slam down in the center of his face. He dropped her to the ground and stumbled back. Shepard scrabbled to her knees, her eyes landed on her pistol a foot away in the water. She scooped it up and pointed it at Saren. He was back on his platform and her head was swimming. She couldn’t get her eyes to focus but she stood up and fired at him anyway. The shots that didn’t miss weren’t enough to kill him or even knock him off of his platform. All too soon, Saren was gone from her sight.

“Damn it!” Shepard yelled.

Garrus and Wrex were pulling themselves back to their feet. Shepard went to Ashley who was sitting in the water leaning against the bomb. She was clutching a hand to her abdomen. Shepard reached out a hand and pulled Ashley to her feet. She heard a cough from somewhere nearby, her eyes roamed over the area looking for signs of life. One of the men from the bomb team was still alive. He was badly wounded but still breathing. Wrex moved over to the man and picked him up. Ashley wasn’t moving very fast so Shepard threw her over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry. The Normandy was descending as they rushed to meet the ship.

Shepard got everyone on board and yelled at Joker over the comm, “Get us out of here, Joker!”

The Normandy took off and Shepard held on to Ashley the best she could when Joker turned the ship vertical. Still, the concussive force of the explosion was felt throughout the ship. When it settled again, Shepard let her eyes scan over Kirrahe and his men. Not many had made it to the rendezvous point, and Kaidan was not among them. Shepard noticed that they had managed to bring the turret back with them; just not Kaidan.

Shepard and Wrex got their wounded to the med bay only to find the room splashed with blood and a dead Toombs lying in the middle of the floor. Dr. Chakwas was kneeling over the man trying to perform CPR. A tourniquet had been wrapped around his arm just below the elbow in an attempt to staunch the flow of blood from the huge gash in his wrist. Dr. Tulina was covered in blood on her knees next to the other doctor, her hands fluttered about helplessly as she tried to find a way to help.

“No. Oh no. No, no, no,” Shepard said helping Ashley into a chair.

Shepard rushed over to Toombs and fell to her knees next to the other two women.

“Commander, I – I – I am sorry. I do not know what happened,” Dr. Tulina said looking at Shepard with horror on her face. “He seemed fine. He was calm and complacent. Then all of the chaos started down below and Dr. Chakwas left to meet you in the cargo bay in case anyone was injured. Before I could stop him, he had a scalpel in his hand. I – I – do not even know how he got it! Dr. Chakwas keeps all of the dangerous equipment locked away!”

“Oh, Toombs… why’d you have to go and do something so stupid?” Shepard groaned.

 _“You tried,”_ Jane said.

Dr. Chakwas leaned back on her heels, “He’s gone, Commander. I’m sorry.”

Shepard pulled herself up from the floor, her arms hung limply at her side, “We have wounded that need your attention now, Dr. Chakwas. I’m sure you did all you could. Thank you. Both of you.”

“Where should I put him?” Wrex asked indicating the man slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Dr. Chakwas stood up and cleared the way to a bed for Wrex to lay the man on. Once Wrex laid the first man down, he went and picked up Toombs’ corpse.

“And where do you want him?” Wrex asked.

Dr. Chakwas looked at Ashley briefly and deciding that she didn’t need the bed she told Wrex to put Toombs on it instead. Shepard covered Toombs with a sheet and set to work cleaning up Toombs’ blood from the floor and tables.

“Commander, you needn’t bother with that. I can have someone else do it,” Dr. Chakwas said.

Shepard ignored her. It wasn’t her blood, but it was her mess. Dr. Chakwas sighed but went about tending to those who required her attention. When the floor was as clean as Shepard could get it, she left the med bay and went to the showers. She washed away the blood and sweat in water that was so hot it hurt. She thought she should probably be crying, but the tears just weren’t there. She imagined they would be later. When she was clean, she shut off the water and dried herself off before standing in front of the mirror for a few minutes staring at her face. She wasn’t sure she recognized it anymore. She wasn’t sure if she knew who she even was anymore.

 _“You’re… you…,”_ Jane said.

Shepard got dressed and called everyone to the debriefing room. Shepard sat stoically as everyone filed in. Ashley sat down next to Shepard.

“I can’t believe that you knew this would happen and you didn’t tell us. If anyone should have been left behind, it should have been me. Kaidan was a superior officer, he would have been more valuable to this mission and you know it, Commander,” Ashley said.

Shepard turned her head and looked at Ashley, she blinked her eyes a couple of times but otherwise didn’t move or speak. Ashley must have seen something in Shepard’s eyes because she dropped the subject and turned to face the rest of the room.

“Commander, I believe that the beacon you encountered in Saren’s base might have given you the missing parts of the vision. Perhaps if I –,” Liara began.

“There isn’t any need. I know where we need to go,” Shepard said.

“You do?” asked Tali.

“We need to go to Ilos,” Shepard said.

“Ilos! Yes, of course. I see, that makes sense, this is why Saren needed to find the Mu Relay. Ilos is one of hundreds of locations that can only be accessed through the Mu Relay,” Liara said.

“We need to go to the Citadel first. To restock and refuel. I want to see the Council in person before we go to Ilos,” Shepard said, her voice sounded hallow and dead to her own ears. “We’re done here. Dismissed.”

Everyone stood to leave the room and Joker came over the comm to ask her if she wanted him to link into the comm buoy nearby to call the council.

“There’s no point, Joker. They don’t want to hear what I have to say. I’ll see them when we get to the Citadel. Go ahead and set the coordinates, please, Joker,” Shepard said.

“Aye, aye, Commander,” Joker said.

Shepard looked up to see that Garrus had lagged behind. The room was empty now besides the two of them. She met his gaze and Garrus seemed to flinch; it stung her deeply but she understood why. He was having trouble accepting that vacant look in her eyes just as much as she was.

“You did your best, Commander,” Garrus said hesitantly. “More than what anyone else would have done.”

Shepard didn’t respond other than to close the distance between them and throw her arms around the turian’s shoulders, pressing the side of her face against the hard plating of his armored chest. Garrus didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her waist, splaying his hands out against her back and pulling her in closer to him.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard whispered and started to pull away.

Garrus tightened his arms, “No. You don’t get to apologize for this. Not to me. Anything, Shepard. Anything.”

Shepard nodded her head and allowed him to hold her for a minute. Being in his arms helped her to feel alive again; alive enough for a few tears to leak out of the corner of her eyes. Shepard started to pull away again and this time Garrus let her. She wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Why are you so good to me, Garrus?” she asked.

“Because you lie too well for me to trust you otherwise,” Garrus said with a chuckle.

Shepard snorted indelicately and put a hand on his chest, pushing him back a step, “Alright, Vakarian. See if I put any new weapons in your locker anytime soon.”

Garrus laughed, his mandibles flaring wide. Shepard’s head fell to the side and her heart fluttered around in her ribcage. They left the debriefing room, Garrus headed to the cargo bay and Shepard to clean and maintain the pile of weapons and armor she had dumped on her cabin floor before going to take a shower. Cleaning the blood and gore from her armor only helped to stir the rage inside of Shepard once more.

After an hour of pacing around her cabin like a caged animal, she made her way down to the cargo bay. She wanted to check on the weapons lockers, hoping that it would take her mind away from the pain of having to leave one of her crew to die. The pain of returning to find Toombs had taken his own life in her absence.

Shepard stopped in front of Kirrahe, only now recalling that he and his men were aboard.

“Captain, I’m sorry. I had some things that required my attention,” Shepard said.

“Understandable. I want to tell you that it was an honor working with Lieutenant Alenko, Commander. I understand that he returned to us against your orders. I attempted to persuade him to return to your ship, but he insisted that staying with me was the right thing to do,” Kirrahe said, the translucent membranes in his eyes sliding over the red and black orbs periodically. “I do not regret that I was not more insistent, Commander. I fear that we would not have made it nearly as far, been able to provide nearly as great of a distraction without your Lieutenant’s help. In short, his insubordination might have saved the mission.”

“I should have expected if, if I’m honest. Kaidan was far too noble of a person to let something as small as a commanding officer’s orders stand in the way of his integrity,” Shepard said.

“I regret that I did not have the chance to know him better. Still, his actions today will not be forgotten. He has earned humanity a great deal of respect from the salarians. We will leave your ship as soon as you reach your next destination,” Kirrahe said.

“We are headed to the Citadel now. It’s a ways away, so if you would rather, we can drop you off somewhere else. Of course you are welcome to stay aboard until we reach the Citadel,” Shepard said.

“I would not have you go out of your way, Commander. The Citadel will work out nicely seeing as we are now without a ship of our own. I will need to report to the Council as well. Have you spoken with them yet, might I ask?”

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose, “No, just sent in the report. The Council has a tendency to not want to hear what I have to say. I need some time to deal with our losses and get my crew in order before I deal with the Council. I plan on speaking with them in person on the Citadel.”

“Ah. Yes, I forget that you are still new as a Spectre. Do not take the Council’s ways personally, Commander Shepard, though personal they may feel. The Council has a strong tendency to be dismissive of everyone, even their Spectres,” Kirrahe said.

Shepard laughed, “That so? Thanks, Kirrahe. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

The salarian smiled, “I am sure that you need some time to process all that has happened here today, Commander Shepard. I am still very interested in hearing what you have to say about this reaper threat you mentioned. Perhaps you will have some time to speak about it once you’ve rested?”

“Absolutely, Captain. First thing tomorrow if you’d like,” Shepard said.

“Excellent, I look forward to it,” Kirrahe said.

Shepard smiled at him and excused herself. It was so hard to make polite conversation when she felt like screaming and crying all at the same time. She lost herself in the task of opening lockers and inventorying what was in each one, upgrading what she could from what they had collected on Virmire. She checked that every gun was clean and in working order; that the integrity of every piece of armor was still intact. She could feel their eyes on her. All of them. The salarians, Garrus, Wrex, and Ashley. She knew they were all watching her stiff motions and her hardened face.

“Commander?” Ashley stood at her station watching Shepard.

“What is it, Williams?” Shepard asked not looking at the other woman.

“Commander, about Alenko…” Ashley began.

Shepard let out a deep breath and leaned her head against the locker in front of her. She closed her eyes and tried to count down from ten. She could feel the sting in her eyes, threatening tears that still didn’t come. Shepard turned to look at Ashley; she had her chin tilted up in defiance as she watched Shepard. Shepard glanced around the cargo bay and was surprised to notice that the salarians were suddenly missing. The tension that was brewing in the air must have discouraged their continued presence in the cargo bay. Or perhaps it was the brooding krogan that was standing just a few feet away from them.

“Ashley… Listen, I know that you think that I made the wrong call. You’ve made that clear. It was my call to make, though. What do you want me to say? I can’t change it now,” Shepard said.

Ashley closed the distance between her and Shepard and stood at parade rest with her legs shoulder length apart and her hands behind her back.

“With all due respect, ma’am, I was prepared to die. I was willing to set that bomb and stay with it, defend it with my life. You could have endangered yourself and the mission by staying that close to the bomb. I heard how Saren talked to you. He wasn’t there to stop the bomb; he was there to stop you. If you weren’t there, at the bombsite, he would have gone wherever you were. Tell me I’m wrong?” Ashley said.

Shepard slammed the locker closed, fury boiling in the pit of her stomach once more.

“Damnit Williams, what do you want from me? Do you want me to say that I wish I could change things? So that Kaidan was still alive and that you were dead in his place? Well tough shit, Williams,” Shepard yelled at the gunnery chief. “Kaidan’s still dead and you’re still alive. I chose to save you because you were endangered while fulfilling orders that _I_ gave you. Kaidan made his _own_ choices, he endangered himself. He took very specific actions, made very specific calls on his _own_ authority to ensure that the mission was a success. He chose to die in service, and his death will be honored!”

She spun on heel to storm away but Ashley grabbed a hold of her wrist. Shepard wheeled around and planted her fist squarely in Ashley’s face. Ashley stumbled back in shock as blood began to pour out of her nose. She reached her hands up, cupping them around her nose as tears filled her eyes. Shepard couldn’t tell if the woman was crying from the pain – physical or emotional – or if it was simply a physiological response to having her nose broken. _Whoa! Shit. That was definitely a first._

“Fuck you, Williams! And fuck Alenko, too! Damn him for putting me in that position, for making me have to choose and gods… fuck you for making me have to doubt my choice now! How fucking dare you?! Go. Get out of my sight, now, Williams. Report to the med bay. Have your nose taken care of. That’s an order!” Shepard’s yells echoed back to her from the walls of the cavernous cargo bay.

Ashley snapped a shaky, blood soaked hand up to her forehead in salute before walking to the elevator. Shepard watched her go, her hands shaking and the tears she had been denied earlier started to well up in her eyes. Wrex chuckled as Ashley passed him and even though Shepard could see Ashley’s shoulders tense she didn’t look Wrex’s way.

Shepard started pacing the area that stretched from lockers to the end of Ashley’s work station. She was trying to calm herself but it was only getting worse.

“Fuck!” Shepard roared.

 She first punched a locker and then when that failed to satiate she flung her arm across Ashley’s desk sending everything that was on it flying across the room. She would have knocked the table over if it hadn’t been bolted to the floor. She banged her hands down on the metal surface over and over and over again until she started to feel the need to rip something apart subsiding. _I don’t… I don’t think this is good._ She ran both hands over her face and continued the motion raking them through her hair. Hot tears started falling from her eyes and she dropped her hands down to her sides in defeat. Shepard tilted her head back looking up at the ceiling before making her way to the far side of the room. She leaned against a wall and let herself slide down to the floor. She sat with her arms draped across her bent knees, resting her head on her arms.

The sound of soft footsteps alerted her that someone was approaching but she didn’t bother to look up. She saw a pair of turian feet move past the gap between her knees. Shepard continued to cry silent tears into her arms until she felt Garrus sit down on the metal floor next to her. He didn’t speak and neither did she. After a moment, she felt him scoot a little closer to her and drape one of his long arms across her shoulders. She let herself lean into him, pressing herself against his chest and soaking up his warmth.

A few minutes later she heard the quiet whispering of Tali and Wrex’s voices floating down to her. She couldn’t make out what they were saying but she knew that Wrex must be relaying the events of her breakdown to Tali. A while later she heard the elevator open but still she did not look up. She heard Liara’s voice, furtive as she spoke to Wrex before leaving again. Long minutes passed as Shepard let the tears fall freely, feeling the soft hum Garrus was making deep in his chest resonate through her body  to calm her wounded soul. He never spoke; never tried to get her to speak and for that she was the most grateful. _He is always there for us. Always by our side; as friend or lover. There’s no Shepard without Vakarian._

A half hour passed in relative silence. Shepard’s tears had dried; all that remained was the occasional sniffle. The elevator opened again and Garrus’ arm tightened around Shepard. His soft hum shifted into a low growl that rumbled through him. Shepard looked up to see that Ashley had returned. She was headed for her station when Wrex stepped in front of her and held out a hand.

“Get the fuck out of my way, Wrex!” Ashley yelled at him.

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you. She’s just now starting to smell like herself again. Not all snarly and full of bloodlust,” Wrex said calmly.

Ashley looked across the room, her eyes first seeing the mess that Shepard had made of her workstation before finally seeing Shepard in the shadows next to Garrus. Ashley’s eyes locked on to Shepard’s for a few seconds before dropped them to the ground. Slowly she nodded, turned around and got back into the elevator.

Garrus shifted beside Shepard drawing her attention to him. He watched her intently for a moment before rubbing her shoulder and standing up. He reached a hand out to her and pulled her to her feet when she accepted. He was stronger than she had imagined. She stumbled forward with the momentum nearly crashing into his chest but her reflexes compensated and she caught herself a mere two inches from his body. An image flashed through her head of her hands running up his chest and wrapping themselves around the back of his neck before she pressed her lips to his mouth. A different kind of heat flooded Shepard’s mind. She heard Garrus take in a deep breath, filling his nostrils with her scent. She cleared her throat and took a step back. He turned her hand, still in his, so that he could see the bloody scrapes on her knuckles. She gently pulled her hand from his.

“It’s fine. I’ve had far worse,” her voice sounded hoarse and strained when she spoke.

“I’ve noticed,” Garrus said his voice low and rumbly. “So, when we dock next how about I buy you a beer and in exchange you can tell me how good it felt to break her nose?”

Shepard coughed out a weak laugh, “Yeah. Sure. Sounds like a plan.”

Shepard moved away from Garrus and started picking up Ashley’s things, placing them carefully back on the table after assessing every object for damage. It didn’t look like much of anything was broken, but she would replace whatever Ashley wanted. Shepard looked up to see Tali crossing the room. She must have been waiting for the all clear to approach. Tali stood wringing her hands for a moment before speaking softly.

“Are you alright, Shepard?” she asked.

Shepard placed a gun mod on the table and looked up at Tali, “Yeah, Tali. I’m alright. Sorry if I worried you.”

“Oh, that’s alright. I’m just glad that you’re OK,” Tali said as she started to help clean up Shepard’s mess.

“Tali, it’s my mess, you don’t have to do that,” Shepard said.

“I know,” Tali said looking up at Shepard, but she continued to pick things up anyway.

Shepard smiled at her friend and when everything was back on the table, she gave the quarian a quick hug which seemed to startle her at first but she soon returned with gusto. Shepard looked over at Garrus who was now leaning against the Mako watching the two of them. He nodded to her once and she returned the gesture. Tali left Shepard to return to the Engineering and Shepard made her way towards the elevator. She paused to look at Wrex she wanted to say thank you to him and to the others for supporting her, for not judging her. She couldn’t find the words though.

Wrex seemed to understand what she left unspoken and dipped his head, “Shepard.”

A light smile tugged at her lips, she nodded in return, “Wrex.”

She got on the elevator and headed to the med bay. She knew that Dr. Chakwas would come and find her soon if she didn’t go to her first. The door slid open and she saw Ashley leaning against the wall holding an icepack to her face. She looked over at Shepard when she walked in but didn’t say anything. Shepard walked over to the other woman, taking it slow so she didn’t appear aggressive and leaned against the wall next to her. They both stood there quietly for a moment while Dr. Chakwas tried to look busy at her desk.

“I’m sorry, Ashley,” Shepard finally said quietly.

 _“Aww… say… no reason… deserved…,”_ Jane spoke up.

“Don’t be, I deserved it,” Ashley said pulling the ice pack away from her face to look at Shepard. “And, I’m sorry. For questioning you. For making you doubt… for doubting you. I – I should be thanking you, for saving my life, I mean, ma’am.”

 _“See?”_ Jane said.

“But not for breaking your nose?” Shepard grinned.

Ashley laughed and then groaned, “No ma’am. I probably could have gone without that. Dr. Chakwas set it though and gave me some painkillers as well as something to take the swelling down. I told her to save the Medi-gel for when we’re on the field. Maybe a few days of having a sore face will teach me to keep my mouth shut.”

 _“Unlikely,”_ said Jane.

Shepard made a soft snorting sound, “I uh, I cleaned up your station. Sorry about that, too. If anything needs replaced just let me know.”

“Will do, ma’am,” Ashley said.

Dr. Chakwas stood from her desk and turned to Shepard, “Well then, let’s see to the mess you made of your hands, shall we?”

Shepard let Chakwas look over her hands as Ashley left the med bay. The doctor informed her that nothing was broken, but she already knew that. She watched passively as Dr. Chakwas applied an antiseptic to the scrapes and wiped the blood away. She gave her an anti-inflammatory to take and wrapped the hand in gauze first and then an elastic bandage before telling her to leave it on overnight at the least. Shepard mumbled her assent before leaving the med bay and heading for her cabin, her eyes went to Kaidan’s station by habit expecting to see him there working. She felt something inside of her chest clench. She let out a shaky sigh as she entered her cabin and fell onto her bed, not even bothering to undress.

She woke up two hours later. She tossed and turned in her bed for ten minutes before sitting up to pull her boots and clothes off. She tossed them at the corner of the room, the boots thudded against the wall, and she lay back down. She spent another twenty minutes searching out sleep only to find that it was utterly elusive. Shepard got up and rummaged through her footlocker by the low light coming from her laptop. She found what she was looking for and pulled the black N7 tank top on over her head. She closed the locker and sat on it while she slid her legs into the red and black plaid pajama bottoms.

 _“Talk?”_ Jane asked.

“Not right now, Jane. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think,” Shepard said.

 _“Alright,”_ Jane said.

She sat back down on the locker and ran her hands through her hair. With a sigh she stood up again and went to leave her cabin. When the door slid open she found herself face to face with a very startled looking Garrus. She felt her heart skip a beat.

“Commander! I – I uh, hmmm. I thought I heard something and I just wanted to make sure everything was alright,” Garrus said.

Shepard bit her lip and searched Garrus’ face before whispering, “Is that really why you’re here?”

“Hmmm. Well, I… I did hear something… but…,” Garrus’ worlds strangled off in his throat.

Shepard dropped her eyes to the floor between them, the threshold into her personal space, “Stay with me Garrus? Just until I fall back to sleep. I don’t want to be alone, not tonight.”

She watched as he put first one foot and then the other forward, crossing that line and into the field of impropriety behavior for a subordinate. The door slid closed behind him, leaving them with nothing but the soft glow of her laptop and his visor. Shepard’s heart thudded in her chest as she reached out and took his hand. It slid effortlessly into hers and closed around her bandaged fingers. She led Garrus back to her bed; standing in front of him still holding his hand as he sat down.

“Will you –,” She gently cleared her throat and licked her lips, “will you take this off?”

She touched her fingertips to his chest plate. He let go of her other hand and began to work at the clasps of his armor. He hadn’t said a single word since before he crossed her threshold. It was dark and she couldn’t see him well. She didn’t have the luxury of being able to smell his emotions, or see his heart rate. She began to have doubts. Maybe she had read everything wrong; maybe she was taking advantage of him – even if she didn’t plan to cross the line too far, she was indeed crossing the line.

“Wait!” Shepard said, “Garrus you know that you don’t… you don’t have to be here. You don’t have to stay, I mean. I can’t… you shouldn’t… if I’m making you uncomfortable or…”

Gods it felt like she was trying to rip her own heart out of her chest. Garrus’ pulled the armor away from his body, sliding the back around to the front and laying it gently on the floor. A part of her mind was impressed at how quickly he was able to remove his armor, undoubtedly one of the many ways that the turians trumped the humans when it came to tactical designs. The dark undershirt he wore hugged his body like a second skin.

Garrus looked up at Shepard and took her hand. Gently he pulled her towards him wrapping an arm around her hips he guided her to sit sideways on his lap. Shepard’s breath caught in her throat. Garrus wrapped both arms around her and held her body against his. She rested her head on his shoulder, her hands against his chest trapped between them. When her heart started to slow, she felt Garrus turn his head so that his mouth was closer to her ear.

Garrus whispered, “Lay down, Shepard. Get some sleep.”

He twisted his torso, leaning back and moving his legs up; the motion pulling her body back to the bed to lie pressed against his. Shepard pulled away long enough to hand him her pillows and pull the blanket up over herself. Garrus adjusted the pillows to better support his body, leaving him in a slightly reclined position. Shepard snuggled back into the crook of his arm, resting a hand on his chest she let out a contented sigh.

Within minutes, Shepard was fast asleep but Garrus didn’t move. He stayed there until the early hours of the morning. Making himself stay awake so he could feel his arms around Shepard. So he could hear the soft sounds of her breathing, and feel her hand on his chest. He stayed like that, completely still aside from the shallow rise and fall of his chest until he knew that the crew would be waking up soon. He didn’t want Shepard to have to deal with any sideways glances, or awkward questions if anyone saw him leave her room. He knew that the cameras would have already recorded him entering, just as they would record him leaving but unless something happened in the middle of the night to cause an alarm, he doubted anyone would ever see the proof.

Garrus carefully untangled himself from Shepard, pausing when she stirred in her sleep. When she was still again, he slid off the bed and quietly watched her as he slid his armor back into place. He moved silently across the room and out of her cabin door with one final look back. No one else was awake yet, just the skeleton crew that ran things while everyone else slept and no one seemed to be moving on that deck. Garrus quickly slipped back into his sleeping pod and let himself steal a couple of hours of sleep, surrounded by the scent of Shepard if not with her in his arms.


	20. Chapter 19: Spirits, Yes.

**Chapter 19: Spirits, Yes.**

            Shepard awoke alone in the darkness of her cabin. She reached a hand out to touch the spot Garrus had occupied. It was still warm. She pulled the pillows he had been laying on against her chest and buried her face in them, breathing in his scent. She let herself fall back to sleep until her alarm went off.

            Shepard groaned and rolled over to stare at the alarm like it was the bane of her existence. Finally she got up to turn the damn thing off, hugging a pillow to her chest. She stood looking at her bed for several long minutes before breathing in deeply and tossing the pillow back down. She made her bed and dug out her clothes for the day. Once she was dressed and had taken care of her personal hygiene, Shepard settled down to the middle of her floor and began meditating.

            “Why will I be with Cerberus?” Shepard asked the first question that came to her mind.

            _“They spend two years bringing us back from the dead. They called it the Lazarus Project –,”_ Jane said.

            “What do you mean they bring us back from the dead? That’s not even possible, is it?” Shepard asked.

            _“The dream you had, about the Normandy getting attacked and us dying in space… Liara searched for our body. The Illusive Man told her that Cerberus could save us. She gave us to Cerberus. They spent two years and more money than you want to know restoring functionality using cybernetic implants and I don’t even know what all else,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard fought against the panic that welled up whenever she thought of the dream. It didn’t help her much to hear it from Jane directly that it wasn’t just a dream.

            “Can I change that? Keep myself from dying?” Shepard asked.

            _“I don’t know. I know it happens sometime after we kill Saren on the Citadel. A month or two maybe. We’re ordered to clear out pockets of remaining geth resistance after defeating Saren and Sovereign. We’re in the Amada System of the Omega Nebula when a collector ship hits us. Well, you saw what happens,”_ Jane said.

            “Who are the collectors exactly, why are they important? Why do they attack us?” Shepard asked.

            _“The collectors are what the reapers turned the protheans into. No one else knows it; they just think they are a strange, quiet race who mostly stays to themselves. Most people think they’re not even real. Anyway, a reaper called Harbinger still has control over them. He’s able to possess them and directs their actions. The Normandy is attacked because of us. Harbinger knows we killed Sovereign and wants us out of the picture,”_ Jane said.

            “So what does Cerberus want with me?” Shepard asked. “Why spend so much time and resources to bring us back?”

            _“I’ve always wondered if there were reasons the Illusive Man wasn’t telling me, but he claims it was because he believed us about the reapers and thought we could stop the threat. The collectors started abducting entire human colonies. He wanted us to stop it,”_ Jane said.

            “Who is the Illusive Man you keep talking about?” Shepard asked.

            Jane brought up an image of the Illusive Man for Shepard to see, _“He’s the leader of Cerberus. He provides us with everything we need to go after the collectors. He had the Normandy rebuilt and somehow convinced Joker to be the pilot. He thought that having the familiarity of Joker’s presence would help us to trust him. Don’t trust him, Dawn. Use him, take everything you can from him, but never trust him.”_

“OK, so Cerberus brings us back somehow but why do we _stay_ with Cerberus?” Shepard asked.

            _“Because, just like with the reapers, no one else is taking the threat seriously. No one is doing anything about it, and because you’re associated with Cerberus already, the Alliance is doubtful of your allegiances,”_ Jane said. _“That doesn’t stop them from asking us to clean up their messes, of course. But even if you did leave Cerberus, you would need something huge. The original Normandy will be gone. You’ll need a ship, a crew, resources… it’s why we always stayed. We didn’t see any way to stop the collectors without the Illusive Man’s help.”_

“Which also means that if I don’t die… if they don’t get their hands on my body and bring me back, I’ll still be on my own,” Shepard said.

            _“Quite possibly. Likely even considering the Council’s attitudes on all of this. But I can’t say for sure, it’s never happened for us. We’re down for two years though, you could change a lot in two years,”_ Jane said.

            “But if I fail to make enough changes, if I fail to get someone to listen and take action, or if that action isn’t enough… the collectors go unchecked,” Shepard said.

            _“I’m sure eventually it will get bad enough that at least the Alliance will do something,”_ Jane said.

            “But it may not be enough. And lives will be lost while we wait around, waiting for them to take action. By then whatever they do may not be enough. What happens then?” Shepard asked.

            _“The reapers win,”_ Jane said. _“Unless someone else steps up to stop them in our place.”_

            “I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but what if I go to Cerberus myself?” Shepard asked.

            _“No idea. Not a single clue other than you can be pretty damn sure the Alliance will completely turn their back on you. The Council might even as well. Then there’d be orders to arrest us on sight. Maybe they’d send another Spectre to chase us down and bring us in. Maybe even Williams,”_ Jane said.

            “Williams? Williams becomes a Spectre?” Shepard asked.

            _“Yeah, eventually. Whichever of them survived Virmire ends up becoming the second human Spectre. That’s after we stop the collectors and turn ourselves in to the Alliance,”_ Jane said.

            “I’ll be damned. Wait; turn ourselves into the Alliance for what? Being with Cerberus?” Shepard asked.

            _“Maybe. It depends on whether you destroy the Alpha Relay or not. If we don’t go to rescue Dr. Amanda Kenson from a batarian prison before going after the collectors then when we turn ourselves in it’s to face charges for working with Cerberus,”_ Jane said. “ _If we do go to get Kenson, we launch and asteroid into the Alpha Relay. It delays the reaper invasion, but destroys the Bahak system, killing hundreds of thousands of batarians. If we do that, then we’re facing charges for destroying the Bahak system. Either way, Hackett and Anderson help to make things as easy as possible for us. I don’t know if they would if you chose to seek out Cerberus.”_

“Damn,” Shepard said.

            _“Regardless of what charges we’re up for, the reapers still come and either way, they terminate our sentence early and the Alliance reinstates us to deal with the reaper threat. Earth is hit hard, so is Palaven, Thessia eventually as well. Hell, pretty much everywhere advanced civilizations exist in the galaxy,”_ Jane said. _“And by the time the reapers come, the Illusive Man is indoctrinated. He’s completely insane and is running tests on the indoctrination process. He wants to take control of the reapers and use them to humanity’s advantage. We have to fight him and his reaper-tech upgraded army every damn step of the way.”_

“How do we win? How do we stop the reapers?” Shepard asked.

            _“Ha. We don’t, not really. As soon as we pull that trigger and the reapers are eliminated we die and wake back up in someone else to do it all over again,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard winced when a knock at the door pulled her out of her meditation, “It’s open!”

            Dr. Tulina walked in, “Commander, I thought that with yesterday’s events you might wish to talk.”

            “Sorry, Dr. Tulina but I have to meet with the salarian captain and I’m not really ready to rehash loosing Kaidan and Toombs just yet. Maybe we can talk later?” Shepard said.

            “Of course, Commander. Find me whenever you are ready,” Dr. Tulina said before heading back out the door.

            “We’ll get back to this later, Jane,” Shepard thought.

            _“Yeah,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard found Kirrahe and his men sitting at a table in the mess hall. Shepard grabbed herself some coffee and sat down at Kirrahe’s table. She saw Liara headed towards the med bay and called her over.

            “Liara, I thought you might like to help me explain to Captain Kirrahe what we know about the reapers,” Shepard said.

            “Of course, Commander,” Liara said sitting down next to Shepard.

            Together, Shepard and Liara spent an hour explaining to Kirrahe everything that they could about the visions from the prothean beacons, Shepard’s interaction with Sovereign on Virmire – though she gave him the abbreviated version of what she learned through Jane since she didn’t give Sovereign much chance to talk this time – and all the hints that Lira’s research on the protheans gave her that there were other incidences of entire civilizations being wiped out before the protheans. They told Kirrahe about Benezia, and Shiala. Shepard told him of the indoctrinated salarians she encountered in Saren’s base and what those who were even remotely coherent were able to tell her about the process.

            Kirrahe and his men listened in thoughtful silence, asking only a few questions for clarities sake. They did not cast doubt, or tell her she must be mistaken the way the Council had. Shepard wasn’t sure whether or not they believed her, but it was refreshing to not have it rubbed in her face if they didn’t.

            “I think it is possible for me to show you what I have seen through Shepard’s mind, if you would like for me to try,” Liara said after a long moment of tense silence.

            Kirrahe held out a hand, “Thank you, but that will not be necessary, Dr. T’soni. I believe you, Commander Shepard. I may not be able to do much to help you convince the Council, but I am willing to speak on your behalf if you think it will help.”

            “I don’t think it could hurt,” Shepard said.

            Kirrahe nodded, “I will provide you whatever assistance I can, Spectre. My men and I will spread the word to any who will listen. Perhaps we can rally more support for you.”

            “That is greatly appreciated, Kirrahe,” Shepard said.

            Shepard chewed on the inside of her cheek while debating her next words. Kirrahe watched her with the eerie patience she had only seen in salarians.

            “How long do you think you will be on the Citadel?” Shepard asked.

            The astute Kirrahe instead asked, “How long do you need me to be on the Citadel?”

            Shepard’s lips twitched into a smile, “You’ll have to take what I say on faith, I’m afraid I can’t explain the details to you but I have reason to believe that things on the Citadel are going to get real ugly after we reach Ilos. That will be our next destination after the Citadel. If I can’t stop it from happening, you can bet your ass I’ll be right there on the Citadel cleaning house. It would sure be nice to have extra eyes and guns on the situation.”

            “You can count on our support, Spectre,” Kirrahe said.

            “Excellent, thank you, Captain,” Shepard said standing up.

            Kirrahe nodded to Shepard and Liara as they left. Shepard walked Liara back to her office. Shepard was grateful to see that Toombs’ body had been removed from the med bay since she was in there last. When they got to Liara’s office, Liara turned to face Shepard.

            “How are you, Commander?” Liara asked.

            Shepard studied Liara for a moment, contemplating what Jane had just told her about Liara’s involvement in things to come. She wondered if she should feel upset that Liara would go to such lengths; searching for Shepard’s body and giving it to their enemies so that Shepard would be alive again. Shepard couldn’t find it in her to be upset, though. Not with knowing that the lives of the entire galaxy might depend on her being alive to be at that Crucible. Hell, right now, Liara T’soni might just be the most important person alive.

            Shepard leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms, “Things yesterday hit me pretty hard. I’m sorry that all of you had to see me lose my cool the way that I did. I hope it didn’t upset you or anything. I’ll be alright though, Liara. I’ve gone through far worse and come out the other side.”

            “Will Ashley be leaving the Normandy after yesterday’s events?” Liara asked.

            “What? No, we’re good. We talked it out, there’s no need for her to leave,” Shepard said.

            “I see. It is good that the two of you were able to move past your problems so swiftly. Do human disagreements usually end so violently?” Liara asked.

            Shepard barked out a laugh, “Well, I’d be lying if I said it was rare but generally we do encourage the use of words and not fists to solve our problems. Although, sometimes nothing clears the air better than a good physical confrontation.”

            Liara shifted her weight, “I see. I suppose it is not too different from asari behavior, especially when we are young. Albeit, our confrontations generally involve the use of biotics.”

            Shepard smiled, “I can’t imagine you getting into a confrontation outside of when I drag you into battle.”

            Liara raised her head, jutting her chin out, “I will have you know that when I was a child my peers had immense respect for my biotic capabilities after I suspended another child in midair for thirty minutes until she finally apologized for making fun of my attempts to excavate ruins in the park.”

            Shepard laughed and Liara’s face darkened, “Alright, Liara. I can see that. Hey, I’m glad to see you never stopped digging, though. I can’t tell you how much help your knowledge on the protheans has been to me and this mission.”        

            Liara’s face got a shade darker, “Thank you, Commander.”

            Joker’s voice came over the comm, “Commander, message coming through for you.”

            “Who’s it from, Joker?” Shepard asked.

            “Admiral Hackett, ma’am,” Joker said.

            “Patch it through to the debrief room for me, Joker,” she responded.

            “Patching it through,” he said.

            “I should go. I’ve got to take this call, I’ll see you later, Liara,” Shepard said.

            “Goodbye, Commander,” said Liara.

            Shepard made her way to the debrief room and opened the comm link, “I’m here, Admiral.”

            “Commander Shepard, I’ve gone over your reports involving the recovery of Corporal Toombs,” Hackett’s voice rang out into the room. “We had no idea that Cerberus was involved in the thresher maw attack on your team, Commander. It is regrettable that you were unable to bring Dr. Wayne in for questioning, but I understand. How is Corporal Toombs? Your reports indicated that he was unstable, the Alliance can provide him with help and he might prove to have invaluable information on Cerberus.”

            Shepard took a shaky breath, “I regret to inform you that when I returned from my mission on Virmire yesterday, I found that Toombs had managed to acquire a scalpel from the med bay and had used it to kill himself in my absence.”

            “That is… unfortunate. I am sure that must have been rather difficult for you, Commander,” Hackett said.

Shepard continued, “I apologize for not contacting you sooner, Admiral. Shortly before this discovery, the Normandy suffered the loss of one of its crew and the Alliance suffered the loss of one of its best men. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was killed yesterday in the line of duty. Anderson has been informed.”

“I am terribly sorry to hear that. Lieutenant Alenko was a good man. I’ll give Captain Anderson a call, he was fond of Alenko I’m sure this has hit him hard,” Hackett said. “Your reports mentioned an asari, a Dr. Tulina who specializes in human psychology. The Alliance has worked with her before and would be willing to pay her for her time if she is willing to interview the Alliance members of your crew to ensure that they are of sound mind and able to continue with your mission. You can put her in contact with me for the details.”

“Thank you, Admiral, I will let her know,” Shepard said.

“In the meantime, Commander, I thought that I would let you know that the problem with the rogue VI on Luna has still not been resolved. I understand that you are busy, and your mission takes priority. We have tried sending in other teams but they have all been forced to fall back,” Hackett said. “The VI has assumed control over the training facilities automated weapons. If you have time, we would still appreciate it if you could try to get the situation under control.”

“Jane, is there time?” Shepard thought.

 _“Yes,”_ Jane whispered in return.

“We are on our way to the Citadel now, Admiral. I will ask Joker to reroute us so that we can stop at the Luna base first,” Shepard said.

“Thank you, Commander. Hackett out,” he said ending the call.

Shepard opened her omni-tool and sent Dr. Tulina a quick message providing her with Hackett’s contact information and his request. She then left the debriefing room and went to the galaxy map, and called Joker from her station.

“Joker, can you reroute us through the Local Cluster? Admiral Hackett still needs aid on Luna,” Shepard said.

“Sure thing, Commander,” Joker said.

Shepard watched as the route lines shifted on her map as Joker altered the course before confirming the changes and exiting the map. Her omni-tool pinged and she checked it to see that Dr. Tulina had responded to her message telling Shepard that she would contact Admiral Hackett right away.

She made her way to the cargo bay to inform Kirrahe that they were making a detour but assured him that it would be brief and they would head directly to the Citadel from there. He offered no complaint to the diversion and said that he looked forward to seeing the human home world, even if only from its moon. Shepard glanced over her shoulder to see Garrus crouched down next to one of the Mako’s wheels. She bit her lip and looked back at Kirrahe, excusing herself.

She walked over to Wrex and leaned against the wall next to him so she could see Garrus out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey Wrex,” she said.

“Shepard,” Wrex said.

“I uh, wanted to say thank you for running interference for me in here yesterday,” Shepard said.

Wrex turned his enormous head to look at Shepard and shrugged, “It was my pleasure, Shepard. Now go away, you reek of the turian. I can smell him all over you.”

Shepard’s eyes widened and heat crept into her cheeks, “I, uh… Um, he just… this is my ship, Wrex, you don’t get to tell me to go away!”

Wrex laughed, the noise seemed to startle a few of the salarians who spun to face Wrex for a second. Garrus stood up slowly; she could see the stiffness of his movements from where she was. He turned to his console and she knew that not only was he listening but now he was keeping an eye on her.

“Seriously, Shepard. I could smell you all over him this morning, too. And he’s been acting more jumpy than a damn pyjak. Looking up at the elevator every few minutes. Scurrying to look busy when he hears it coming down,” Wrex said.

Shepard’s eyebrow twitched, “Damn it, Wrex. You know he can hear us. Don’t be an ass.”

Wrex laughed again, “Or what, Shepard? You gonna try to break my nose next?”

“Gods… I don’t like you very much right now, Wrex,” Shepard said narrowing her eyes.

The krogan laughed at her again before wedging one of his meaty hands between Shepard and the wall; shoving her towards Garrus, “Go talk to him, Shepard.”

“Alright!” Shepard threw her arms out and let them fall back to slap her thighs. “Gods be damned krogan.”

Wrex’s laugh followed her across the cargo bay. Garrus looked up as she neared; his mandibles were tight against his face. He didn’t look happy, and it nearly froze her in place. She managed to cross the few remaining feet to stop next to his console, keeping a few feet between them.

Shepard rubbed at the back of her neck before managing a week, “Hey, Garrus.”

“Commander, I – I’m sorry. I should have taken Wrex into consideration and done something to mask the scent,” Garrus said.

Shepard shrugged, “I didn’t think about it either, apparently I ‘reek of turian.’ I don’t really care what Wrex thinks, though, Garrus.”

Garrus opened his mouth to speak but paused before saying, “You don’t? I’d assumed it would be uncomfortable for you if the crew… I just wanted to avoid anyone giving you grief over…”

“Garrus… I don’t care what anyone else thinks happened or what it means. And I sure as hell don’t care about their opinions on the matter. The only person I’m even remotely concerned about is you,” She wrapped her arms around herself, “I crossed a line last night, but the only thing that could make me regret doing so was if it made shit awkward with you. If I made you uncomfortable or made you feel like I was asking too much.”

Garrus watched her closely, his visor shifting as he assessed her words. He looked away from her to scan his eyes across the room.

“Would it be alright if we went up to the mess hall to talk about this?” Garrus asked.

Shepard narrowed her eyes slightly, “They’re all watching us aren’t they?”

“Well… Ashley isn’t but Wrex is grinning like a fool and the salarians are… I don’t know, probably trying to figure out how best to dissect us so they can better understand how turians and humans communicate with each other,” Garrus said.

Shepard chuckled, “Can they hear us?”

“The salarians? No. Wrex… maybe, the salarians aren’t making much noise to cover us if he’s trying to listen… he just nodded so that would be a yes,” Garrus said his mandibles pulling in tight against his face.

She heard Wrex laugh and sighed, “Yeah anything you need, Garrus.”

Garrus’ eyes snapped back to her and his mandibles flared.

“Anything,” she said barely above a whisper.

Garrus took in a deep breath, sucking the in the air around him through his nostrils, “Hmmm. Mess hall?”

Shepard nodded and turned for the elevator, schooling her features as she did. She stepped to the back of the elevator and watched as Garrus hit the button to send it to the middle deck before turning to face her. They watched each other in an unspoken mutual agreement of silence until they were sitting down across from one another in the mess hall.

After a couple of minutes passed and Garrus still hadn’t spoken Shepard began to fidget. Two more minutes passed in silence before Shepard finally blew the air from her lungs making her hair flutter about her face.

She turned sideways to lean against the wall and brushed her hair back, “If I fucked things up, Garrus, just give it to me straight.”

Garrus held up a finger to quiet her, “I’m thinking.”

Shepard watched him for a minute longer before she focused her attention on picking at her nails.

“When I first met you on the Citadel,” Garrus slowly began drawing Shepard’s attention back to him, “I really wasn’t sure what to make of you. I… I thought you were a little odd; you stood there staring at me like… I don’t know, like you were shocked to see me there. But I knew you were after Saren and I wanted in. You found me first though, in that med bay and you did exactly what I needed you to do in that moment. I was impressed.”

Shepard smirked but stayed quiet.

“When you agreed to let me join with you to hunt down Saren, I thought it was too easy,” Garrus opened his hands. “Most of the members of the Alliance I’ve worked with aren’t very trusting of turians. Even if the war was over before they were even born, the memory of it runs deep.”

Shepard winced, knowing that what he had said was all too true. She couldn’t imagine not trusting Garrus. The idea of it sounded complete absurd in her mind. He stayed quiet for a few seconds before continuing.

“Turians are trained to learn their commanding officers routines, learn their personalities, their moods; anticipate their needs and provide it for them before they have to ask,” Garrus said.

Shepard felt a lump rise in her throat, “That’s why you always watch me… why you’re always sniffing the air when I’m around… telling me ‘anything’… Gods, I’m thick.”

Shepard closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the wall with a thud, letting out a groan. She opened them again when she felt the bench she was sitting on shift. Garrus had moved to her side of the table and was sitting facing her the way he had the morning before.

“At first, yes. And it’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself ever sense,” Garrus said.

Shepard’s brow furrowed.

“That wanting to know everything about you that I could was only so that I could do my job. That every time I touched you, it wasn’t because I _wanted_ to touch you but because humans do that and it was a way of communicating that you would find familiar…,” Garrus cleared his throat, “That the way your heart races when I touch you doesn’t mean anything. The way your… scent changes when you look at me… doesn’t mean anything.”

Shepard’s face turned red but she didn’t bother trying to hide it or deny what he was implying.

“And then when I started having trouble believing myself, I started looking for other explanations. That it had to mean something else,” Garrus said.

“That I was afraid of you,” Shepard said with a weak smirk.

Garrus nodded, “But when we are out on the field, you move like you know where I’ll be and you trust me to be where you need me to be. On the ship, when we talk, it feels effortless. Well… usually. We’re able to joke and laugh with each other,” Garrus paused and glanced at his hands before returning his gaze to hers, “You seem to get the way that I think better than anyone else I’ve ever met. Hell, half the time you seem to be thinking the exact same thing I am. You were so willing to help me with Dr. Saleon. And you started confiding in me. Coming to me with your fears and your concerns. Asking my advice, asking for my help. Making me feel important and needed. More than you do with the others; I know I watched. I listened whenever I could.”

Shepard started nibbling on her lower lip.

“Can you maybe, hmmm, not do that? That thing with your lip. It’s kind of distracting,” Garrus said.

Shepard let her lip go and nodded at him to continue, filing that bit of information away for later.

“Anyway, so the other night when I woke up to see you standing in front of my pod… Well, my mind went in about a million different directions. You were gone before I could even think to speak or to move to open the pod,” Garrus cleared his throat again. “I uh, I followed you. I stood at your door but I couldn’t bring myself to knock. What would I say? What would you think? What had you _been_ thinking? I could smell you all around. I could tell that you had been crying. That you had been sick. I could tell your stress levels were high but I didn’t have any clue why. Everything in me wanted to find a way to make it better for you. But I couldn’t bring myself to knock. So I sat down right over there,” Garrus motioned to the table Shepard had seen him sit at on the security feed, “Until I was sure that you must be asleep.”

Shepard could tell that he wasn’t seeking answers to those questions. Not yet anyway. He was still working through his own thoughts so she stayed quiet.

“I wasn’t going to knock last night either. But the way you threw your arms around me in the debriefing room, the way it felt to wrap my arms around you… kept me standing there anyway. I had already been standing there for ten minutes trying to convince myself to just knock. Cursing myself for hesitating. Then you opened that door. And I… I didn’t know what to say. I was embarrassed for even being there,” Garrus chuffed.

“You looked so lost and confused yourself. Torn,” something in Garrus’ voice changed, became more resolute. “You asked me to stay, Shepard and all I could think was ‘Spirits, yes.’ You asked me to remove my armor and all I could think was ‘whatever you need, Shepard,’” Garrus paused.

“That’s not something a turian does lightly. Even a bad turian like me. But I was glad to do it, happy that it meant I would get to feel…,” Garrus cleared his throat and tried again, the next words coming out less confident. “Feel your body next to mine.”

“Spirits, and then you thought that you were doing something wrong. I knew I couldn’t keep lying to myself; not if it meant making you feel like that. But I didn’t trust myself to speak. So, I did what I could to try to show you that I was there because I _wanted_ to be there. Shepard, I _wanted_ to be there more than anything right then,” Garrus said.

They watched each other in silence as Shepard took in his words.

“So, hmmm. I think this is where you tell me that I’m not a complete idiot for telling you these things,” Garrus said.

“You’re not a complete idiot for telling me these things,” Shepard smiled.

Garrus chuffed and she slid closer to him until her knees were touching his.

“Garrus, I… I’ve been lying to myself for weeks, too. Trying to write off and justify the things that I’ve been feeling. Struggling to resist the urge to reach out and touch you every time I’m next to you. Telling myself it was a bad idea, but finding ways to test my resolve anyhow. Later blaming it on Jane –,” Shepard said.

Garrus’ brow ridge furrowed, “Jane?”

“The veil – that’s another conversation. Anyway, there’s just been so much happening to me lately that I kept trying to tell myself that whatever I was feeling it wasn’t real or that it was my mind seeking out a distraction. Whatever I could tell myself. But all I’ve wanted was to be next to you. All I’ve wanted is to hear _your_ voice, see _your_ face… to feel _your_ touch,” Shepard said.

Garrus ran his hand over the outer part of her knee and watched as her heart raced in response.

“But I kept pushing the thoughts away. Questioning them. Thinking I was insane for having them. Because I didn’t think it was a good idea to be feeling these things about anyone right now. Not with Saren and the reapers. Not with all of the crazy that Jane was throwing at me. Because I kept telling myself that you could possibly feel the same. For just a million reasons it wasn’t a good idea,” Shepard said shaking her head.

 “I told…,” Shepard found she couldn’t say Kaidan’s name. “Others that I wasn’t in a place to try to be anything for anyone other than a friend and a commander. It was true, but it wasn’t the whole truth. Because a part of me knew that if there was even the smallest chance that you were feeling any of what I was denying in myself, none of that would matter.”

“So, what now?” Garrus gestured between the two of them, “What is this? What do we do with it?”

Shepard shrugged, “I don’t know. It _is_ probably a terrible idea…”

Garrus watched Shepard’s face, “What are you thinking? What does that look mean?”

Shepard stilled her heart and opened her mouth to speak.

“Don’t lie to me, Shepard. Not after everything I’ve just said,” Garrus said.

She bit her lip, “It means… that even though it’s probably a terrible idea I’m so tired of fighting it… and I really want to kiss you right now.”

He didn’t tell her no and he didn’t try to stop her when she reached out and placed a hand on the side of his face. She leaned in and pressed her lips gently to his mouth. When she pulled her face away from his, she heard a low rumble come from his chest. Garrus hooked his hands beneath her knees, lifting them up off of the bench and pulled her body forward in one swift motion. Shepard’s breath caught in her throat and her heart skipped a beat as she found herself suddenly so intimately close to Garrus.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands pulled at her waist, insisting that she be closer. They locked eyes and watched as one another’s resistance completely crumbled. Garrus buried his face in Shepard’s neck and breathed in deeply. A shudder ran down her spine, a moan escaping her lips. Fire was coursing through her veins and then his mouth was on hers again, urgent and demanding.

“Oh. Ahhh… I will come back later,” Tali’s voice echoed across the room.

Shepard and Garrus both looked up first shocked and then embarrassed when they realized they were still sitting in the middle of the mess hall. Shepard slowly slid back from Garrus and cleared her throat.

“Did, ah, did you need something Tali?” Shepard asked her voice coming out as a strained croak.

Shepard could tell her friend was smiling and fighting back laughter behind her mask when she said, “Oh no, Joker contacted me in Engineering and said that there was something in the mess hall I needed to see.”

“Joker! You ass!” Shepard scowled at the nearest camera and flipped it the bird.

She couldn’t hear him but she knew he was listening. He must have muted his end of the comm. She knew that he was in there laughing his ass off right now.

“So, um, I guess I’ll leave you two alone,” Tali said as she turned to hurry back to Engineering.

Shepard watched her go and caught sight of Dr. Chakwas turning her eyes away from the med bay window. Shepard groaned inwardly. She turned her eyes back to Garrus. Her body was begging her to take him back to her cabin. Garrus’ shallow, rapid breathing told her his thoughts were somewhere along the same line. They watched each other in silence until finally Shepard spoke.

“I should, uh… I have things that I have – oh hell,” She said before leaning back into him to cover his mouth with her own.

Finally Shepard was able to tear herself away. He rested his forehead against hers as they caught their breath.

“I really should go,” Shepard said regretfully.

“Hmmm. I know,” Garrus said before nuzzling her neck and drinking in her scent.

“That’s uh, that’s not helping,” Shepard said.

“I know,” Garrus said but didn’t stop.

Shepard groaned and put her palms against his shoulders to gently push him back. A low growl escaped his throat and she chuckled in response. He lifted his head to meet her eyes.

“Alright, Shepard. Go do your thing. I’ll uh… I just need a minute to, hmmm –,” Garrus was stumbling over his words.

Shepard put her hand on his face with her thumb over his lips, silencing him, “Take whatever time you need.”

She stood on shaky legs and made her way to the CIC where she stared blankly at the galaxy map.

“What the fuck am I doing?” Shepard whispered to herself.

 _“… in love… Garrus,”_ Jane said.

“I shouldn’t be doing this, there is too much else going on. Too much is at stake. This isn’t fair to him,” Shepard thought at Jane.

 _“… him decide… honest… him everything… let… what… wants,”_ Jane advised.

“Yeah. Yeah, OK. I’ll tell him everything tonight,” Shepard thought.

 _“We’ve… him before…,”_ Jane said.

“We have?” Shepard asked.

 _“Oh. Gods. Yes,”_ Jane said lewdly.

Shepard barked out a laugh causing half the people in the CIC to turn and look at her. She shook her head at them in apology and they returned to their work. Shepard kept her gaze on the map though she wasn’t really looking at it. She stayed there until she could push down the aching need in her body’s core. When she felt calmer, she made her way to the cockpit and hovered behind Joker.

“Before you say anything, remember I have guns,” Shepard said.

Joker threw his hands up in mock surrender, “Alright.”

Shepard slid into the co-pilots chair and looked at Joker; he had a smirk permanently affixed to his face.

“Did you really have to send Tali?” Shepard asked.

“Oh come on, Commander. It made her day. She’s been watching the two of you for weeks just waiting for you to uh…,” Joker said.

“Joker,” Shepard warned.

“Alright, alright. I was just going to say that she’s been waiting for you two to realize there was something there is all,” Joker said.

“Uh huh,” Shepard said.

“So,” he shrugged, “You know, it was like an early quarian Christmas present for her.”

“I don’t think quarians celebrate Christmas, Joker, it’s a human holiday,” Shepard said.

“Well I’m sure they celebrate something,” Joker said.

Shepard laughed, “How far are we from the Local Cluster?”

“We’ll be there very late tonight, at Luna in the morning. We’re just hopping from relay to relay now,” Joker said.

“Thanks, Joker,” Shepard said standing up.

“So?” Joker asked.

“So, what?” Shepard asked.

“What’s his face feel like? Is it all sharp and pokey?” Joker asked.

The corner of Shepard’s mouth slid up, “I don’t know, Joker. Why don’t you go ask him if you can kiss him to see for yourself?”

“Uh, that’s alright, Commander. Besides, he’d probably beat me half to death with that stick up his ass,” Joker said.

“Garrus does not have a stick up his ass,” Shepard said.

“If you say so, Commander. I’ll have to take your word on that one, too,” Joker said.

Shepard reached over and pulled the bill of Joker’s hat down, covering his eyes.

“Hey!” Joker complained.

She patted him on his shoulder and left. She made her way to the elevator and when it opened, Dr. Tulina was inside with Ashley. Ashley looked uncomfortable, but resigned.

“Hey. If you guys want some extra privacy, I don’t mind if you use my cabin,” Shepard offered.

Ashley nodded her head, “Thanks, Commander.”

“Sure, no problem,” Shepard said stepping into the elevator.

In the cargo bay, Shepard fought to keep her eyes off of Garrus as she made her way to the lockers. Wrex chuckled as she past him; Shepard glared at him but it only made him laugh harder. The salarians were busying themselves maintaining their gear. Shepard finished the weapons checks that she wasn’t able to complete the night before because of her fight with Ashley. When she was done she laid out the collection of weapons and mods that she wouldn’t be keeping on a tarp on the floor. She waved Kirrahe over.

“Anything here you or your men want before it gets sold to the requisitions guy?” Shepard asked.

Kirrahe waved his men over and Shepard stood back while they went through what she had. When Kirrahe offered to pay for the weapons, Shepard waved him away assuring him it was all stuff that had been collected in the field and she wasn’t concerned with it. She sold the rest to the requisitions officer and told Kirrahe that he and his men were welcome to check out whatever Davis had for sell in stock. Davis was certainly pleased to have the extra business.

Shepard couldn’t help stealing a few glances at Garrus while talking to Kirrahe and Davis. But she made herself keep her distance. When she was done with Davis, she went into Engineering.

“Hey, Tali… about earlier, sorry you walked in on that,” Shepard said rubbing the back of her neck.

Tali chuckled, “Are you kidding, Shepard? It’s about time the two of you started exploring the obvious tension between you.”

“Yeah… maybe, but it wasn’t very cool of Joker to drop you down in the middle of it,” Shepard said.

Tali shrugged, “I didn’t mind. I just feel sorry for you two.”

“No, it uh, it was probably good that someone interrupted us. That wasn’t the best place for that to happen,” Shepard said.

“Well, I thought it was sweet,” Tali said.

Shepard laughed and patted Tali on the back. Ashley walked in and stopped next to Shepard.

“Hey, Ashley. Everything alright?” Shepard asked.

“Yes ma’am. Dr. Tulina asked me to tell you that she’d like to interview you for Hackett next, if you have time,” Ashley said.

Shepard made a face that both Tali and Ashley laughed at, “Alright. I’ll go find her. Thanks.”

Shepard left Engineering and took the elevator up. She stopped in the med bay to let Dr. Tulina know that she had time to talk now. Dr. Tulina followed Shepard to her cabin and settled into a chair. They spent the first thirty minutes talking about Kaidan and Toombs while Dr. Tulina remained strictly professional. Shepard was a little surprised about Dr. Tulina’s ability to keep talk of Jane and the information that Jane provided Shepard completely separate. When Dr. Tulina set her datapad aside and smiled, Shepard knew they were switching gears.

They talked for another fifteen minutes about Jane and what Shepard knew was coming next. Shepard liked the woman and was grateful for her help, but the more she learned from Jane the less of it she wanted to tell the doctor about. So, Shepard shared a few things mostly about her level of progress with communicating with Jane. Dr. Tulina was fascinated by how easily Shepard had adjusted.

“If I’m not meditating, she still comes across broken up with that buzzing sound but it’s getting to where I can understand her intent even when I can’t hear her words. So it all works out,” Shepard said.

“Truly amazing,” Dr. Tulina said.

Shepard leaned back in her chair, “So, doc, tell me how you’re holding up? I saw the look on your face when I walked in and found Toombs on the floor.”

“Do not worry about me, Commander. Things like that are never easy to come to terms with, but I have had many long years of practice. I will be fine,” Dr. Tulina said.

“You sure?” Shepard asked.

“Absolutely,” Dr. Tulina said standing to her feet. “If you will excuse me, I think that I will interview your pilot next. My records tell me that Lieutenant Alenko often served as his co-pilot.”

“Yeah… have you met Joker yet?” Shepard asked.

“I have not, is there something I should be aware of?” Dr. Tulina asked.

Shepard shrugged her shoulders, “He’s kind of an ass, but it grows on you. He’s not likely to say much. I’ll walk with you to the cockpit; it might be easier if I make formal introductions.”

Shepard led Dr. Tulina to the cockpit and told Joker to behave and cooperate or she’d throw him out the airlock. Dr. Tulina found it far more amusing than Joker did, but he agreed to talk to the doctor so that was something. Shepard left the two of them to talk. She grabbed something to eat and took it to her cabin with her where she spent the rest of the afternoon filling out reports and reviewing what Hackett had sent her on the Luna base.

 _“EDI,”_ Jane whispered.

“What?” Shepard asked.

 _“… VI… AI… EDI… friend…,”_ Jane said.

“The VI has gone full AI?” Shepard asked.

 _“Yes,”_ Jane said.

“Shit. That’s not good. What’s EDI?” Shepard said.

 _“She is,”_ Jane said.

“She?” Shepard asked.

Jane flashed two images in Shepard’s mind. The first was a blue holographic AI access point and the second was an extremely feminine mech.

 _“EDI. Gets a body. Friend,”_ Jane said slowly so it all came through.

“So… the AI on Luna gets saved somehow? What, takes over a mech body and becomes our friend?” Shepard asked.

 _“Basically,”_ Jane said.

“Uh huh. How does she get saved?”

 _“Cerberus,”_ Jane said.

“And how do we meet her?” Shepard asked.

 _“Cerberus Normandy,”_ Jane said.

“I see. So… should I not be going to Luna base?” Shepard asked.

 _“… needs… confused… attacking everyone… be gentle,”_ Jane said.

Shepard blew out a breath and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“This is crazy. She’s an AI…,” Shepard said.

 _“Friend,”_ Jane insisted.

“Alright, alright. I’ll uh, be gentle, I guess,” Shepard said.

 _“Thank you,”_ Jane said.

“Yeah… sure,” Shepard said.

Shepard finished looking over the report and then left the cabin for dinner. The mess hall was a lot more crowded than usual with the salarians taking a table all of their own. Shepard grabbed a tray and walked straight for Garrus. He was already tracking her movements the second she stepped out of her cabin, and a smile lit up his face when he saw she was coming to sit with him.

“Hey,” he said when she set her tray on the table.

Shepard slid into the seat next to him and smiled, “Hey.”

Tali tried and failed to suppress a giggle from her seat across from the two of them. Shepard rolled her eyes and Garrus chuckled. Liara smiled softly at Shepard from beside Tali. Shepard searched her eyes for any traces of pain, but either Liara was really good with Shepard being with Garrus or she was really good at hiding it. Shepard smiled back. The room filled with idle chatter as they finished their meals. Shepard couldn’t help but to think that it was the quiet before the storm. Everyone was excited or nervous with what they believed to be the end in sight. Shepard knew it wasn’t really the end. She knew things were going to get so much worse before it was over but she wanted them to have this moment of peace.

When the room was mostly cleared out, Shepard wiped her mouth with her napkin before turning to Garrus.

“I need to talk to you about some things, in private. It might take a while, have you got time?” Shepard asked.

“Of course, Shepard. Where, uh, where do you want to go?” Garrus asked.

“We can go to my cabin… or I guess we could go sit in the Mako again,” Shepard shrugged.

Garrus mandibles fluttered, “To talk, right. I’m good with your cabin if you are.”

Shepard cleared their trays and made her way to the cabin with Garrus following a few feet behind. She made sure she left the door unlocked; hoping that the green glow of the console would deter further rumors for the time being. She stopped just inside the room to lean against her desk. Garrus stood a few feet away from her, taking shallow sniffs of the air.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, “What’s on your mind, Shepard?”

“Before we, uh, go any further with… with whatever this is,” she motioned between the two of them, “I wanted to tell you everything else that I’ve learned from the veil.”

“From Jane?” Garrus asked.

Shepard nodded, “Jane, yes. Knowing what I know… it wouldn’t be fair for me to… let things progress between us without telling you.”

“I’m listening,” Garrus said.

Shepard spent the next hour recounting the details of the conversations that she had had with Jane. That defeating Saren wasn’t going to stop the reapers from coming. That soon the collectors would start abducting human colonies. That eventually the reapers were going to show up in force. Garrus paced the floor of her room, growing increasingly agitated as she outlined just how grim things were going to get before the end.

“There’s got to be a way we can stop this, Shepard. Before it gets that far,” Garrus said.

“I’m open to suggestions, Garrus,” Shepard said.

Garrus furrowed his brow and continued to pace. Shepard watched him intently wondering if it was really wise to tell him the rest of it as it related to her. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“There’s more,” Shepard said.

Garrus stopped and stood in the middle of the room and turned back to look at her.

“Garrus, I know what Jane is,” Shepard said.

Garrus moved to the chair across from Shepard and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

“You were right, Garrus. She is me. They all are,” Shepard said before explaining Jane’s cycle.

She could tell that he was fighting skepticism but was willing to try and believe her.

“So, in order to defeat the reapers you have to die? And then what, if you haven’t figured out how to fix this thing with Jane first then you become trapped like her?” Garrus said.

“I have no reason to believe that’s not the case,” Shepard said.

“Shepard, this is insane,” Garrus said and Shepard winced.

He leaned forward and took her hand in his, “No, Shepard. I’m not saying that you’re insane. Alright? Just this whole thing. How do you know she’s telling the truth? How can you believe her?”

 _“Prove it,”_ Jane said.

“She says she can prove it to you,” Shepard said.

“She… can hear me?” Garrus asked.

“Yeah, she seems to be aware of everything I’m experiencing, everything going on around me,” Shepard said.

“Everything?” Garrus asked.

Shepard blushed, “Yeah.”

“I see…,” Garrus leaned back in his chair. “How can she prove it to me?”

 _“… ask… I’ll answer,”_ Jane said.

“I think she’s trying to say for you to ask her questions and let her answer,” Shepard said.

 _“Meditate,”_ Jane said.

“The easiest way I can hear her is if I’m meditating… I guess I could try to do that so you can have her full answers,” Shepard offered.

“Hmmm. Alright, what do you need me to do?” Garrus asked.

Shepard got up and dimmed the lights before sitting in the middle of the floor.

“It’ll take me a minute or two to get there, but you’ll need to talk calmly and don’t make any extra noises or distractions or I’ll lose her,” Shepard scratched her head, “So um, get comfortable and I guess I’ll uh, just repeat what she says.”

Shepard closed her eyes and started her slow, deep breathing. She pushed away unnecessary thoughts and when she could hear Jane clearly she let Garrus know.

“I’m ready,” Shepard said.

“Let’s start with me. You claim to know me well, tell me something about me that Shepard doesn’t already know,” Garrus said.

 _“You have a scar on your thigh that you got while chasing down a suspect in a murder investigation,”_ Jane said and Shepard began repeating the words as they came. “ _Your formal report said that it was caused by a bullet wound, but really it was caused by a piece of rebar that you fell on when you misjudged the distance to the next catwalk and fell. The suspect got away; you slapped some Medi-gel on it and refused to see a doctor.”_

Garrus remained quiet so Jane continued, _“You have a sister named Solana. She’s on Palaven. You’ve always been really protective of her, but also a little envious at how easy she is able to gain your father’s affection and pride. Despite the problems you have with your father, he was the one who gave you your first non-military issued sniper rifle. You left it at your family’s home when you father convinced you to not try for Spectre. Your mother told you he keeps it locked up in a box with some of your childhood things.”_

“Alright. Spirits, I get it. Why is this happening, this cycle?” Garrus asked.

 _“I honestly don’t know for sure. I’ve worked out several theories over the lifetimes but nothing concrete,”_ Jane said.

“Let’s hear them,” Garrus said.

 _“The one I fear the most is indoctrination. Maybe you aren’t real. Maybe Dawn isn’t real and this is all just a horrible hallucination that I’m having. Maybe Cerberus,”_ Shepard’s voice cut off as she pleaded with Jane to let her have that discussion with Garrus herself.

“Maybe Cerberus what?” Garrus asked.

“I want to talk to you about that one myself, Garrus. Later,” Shepard said struggling to maintain the connection with Jane.

“Alright. Did she have more to say?” Garrus asked as calmly as he could.

 _“The other things that come to my mind is it could be a side effect of the beacons, or a side effect of using the Crucible,”_ Jane said.

“But I’m there with you, with Shepard, through all of this?” Garrus asked.

 _“Always. You’re always there, Garrus. You’ve always had our six. Most of the time you’re our best friend, the one person we feel we can trust with anything. Other times things get – we get closer, as you are now with Dawn. Though I’ve never seen it happen so soon, so strongly. She’s changing things, Garrus. Changing a lot of things and we are desperate for it to be enough,”_ Jane said.

Garrus chewed on that piece of information for a moment before asking, “If I’m always there, I guess that means I haven’t been able to prevent any of this crap from happening. What can I do to help this time?”

 _“I think you’re already doing it by being here, by being willing to listen. If you can accept us, and trust us, then maybe that’s the best start,”_ Jane said.

“I think I’ve heard all I need to, for now,” Garrus said.

“Gods, Jane, no. I am not telling him that!” Shepard said before she opened her eyes.

Garrus raised his brow ridge in question.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Shepard said.

Garrus leaned forward as Shepard stood up from the ground and stretched.

“So, Dawn, what’s this other thing you wanted to talk to me about?” Garrus asked.

Shepard raised an eyebrow, “Dawn?”

“What? Jane gets to call you Dawn but I don’t? That hardly seems fair,” Garrus said.

Shepard chuckled, “OK, I’ll allow it, but only when we’re alone.”

“Fair enough, so this other thing?” Garrus said.

Shepard sat back down in the chair across from Garrus and chewed on her lip for a few seconds.

“The dream… of me dying while the Normandy goes down in flames. That was from Jane, her memories. And unless I decide to try to change things before then, it’s not very far away,” Shepard said.

“But obviously you don’t die if you’re around to face the reapers after that, right?” Garrus asked.

“Apparently Liara finds my body and gives it to Cerberus. They promise her they can bring me back, and they do, but it takes two years. It’s how I end up with Cerberus. How we end up with Cerberus,” Shepard said.

“Wait, did you just say ‘decide to try to change things’? Meaning that you might, what, decide not to?” Garrus asked.

“Garrus… I can’t get the Council to take this reaper threat seriously even with having the beacon’s visions as support. How am I supposed to convince them that the collectors are a threat, too? Tell them that they should believe me because there is a dead version of me stuck in my head that’s already lived through it all?” said Shepard. “We’d be on our own. And we already know that obviously the Normandy can’t stand up to an attack from the collectors. I’d need a ship, a crew, resources… all of that Cerberus provides.”

“Spirits, Shepard, that doesn’t mean you need to let yourself die to get all of that! We can figure out a way to get in touch with Cerberus, work something else out if that’s what it takes,” Garrus said.

“Maybe, but I don’t know how Cerberus would respond to that. They may not have that level of interest in me or the collectors yet. Maybe they will, maybe I’d be welcomed with open arms. I just don’t know. What I do know is that if I go actively seeking out Cerberus, I might very well find myself considered a traitor by the Council and the Alliance,” Shepard said. “As it is, after I’ve dealt with the collectors I’ll be brought up on charges anyway but I’ll still have friends in the Alliance who will go to bat for me, help to soften the blow and make things easier. Then, when the reapers show up on Earth, they’ll reinstate me and tell me to go find a way to defeat the damn things. If I don’t die, if I don’t get brought back by Cerberus, all of that might change and I may not be able to stop the reapers.”

“We’ll find another way,” Garrus said.

“What other way, Garrus? Really, I’m open to ideas here,” Shepard said.

“I – I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it. How much time do we have?” Garrus asked.

Shepard shook her head, “Not long. A month, maybe two after we take down Sovereign.”

Garrus ran a hand over his face and crest, staring down at his feet he finally spoke again, “You’re telling me… that after we get to Ilos… the place we’re headed to next…”

“Yeah,” said Shepard.

“Spirits,” Garrus said.

“So uh, now you know. I can’t expect you to be OK with this. And… if this changes things… between us, I understand,” Shepard said.

“You told me anything I need, Shepard. Did you mean it?” Garrus asked.

“Garrus, if it comes down to choosing between you and doing what it takes to save the galaxy…,” Shepard said.

“No that’s not what I’m asking. I would never. But, if we can find you an out for this. Something we can be sure of, you’ll take it,” Garrus said.

“Of course, Garrus. I don’t want this to happen, I’m just not seeing any other way,” Shepard said.

Shepard watched as Garrus stood up and paced the floor again. She stayed quiet, giving him his time and space. She swallowed back the hard knot in her throat when he stopped in front of her.

“I may not have very long with you,” Garrus said.

Shepard shook her head.

“Then forgive me if I take as much of your time as I can get,” Garrus held a hand out to Shepard.

She slid her fingers into his and let him pull her to her feet. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she laid her head on his chest. She could feel the tension in his arms around her.

“What did Jane say that you wouldn’t tell me?” Garrus asked.

Shepard chuckled, “You really want to know?”

“Hmmm. Yeah, tell me,” Garrus said.

Shepard pulled her head back so she could watch him with amusement, “She said that you actually really don’t have a thing for humans.”

Garrus chuffed, “She’s going to be a pain in my ass. You have a thing for turians?”

Shepard shook her head slowly, “Just you. You’re nervous even if you aren’t showing it as much as before…”

“Well… I mean… aren’t you?” Garrus asked.

Shepard shrugged, “Maybe a little. She said you might start talking about doing research to figure out how something with a turian and a human even works. She said don’t talk to Joker, the videos he’ll show you will only confuse you… and she can tell us anything we need to know.”

Garrus laughed and scratched at the side of his face, “Yeah. That’s a little awkward. Anything else?”

“Just that you should trust yourself and I’m not as easy to break as you think,” Shepard said.

“Well. You can tell Jane that I think I’d like to figure this all out myself,” Garrus said.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Shepard grinned.

“Hmmm. That so?” Garrus said lowering his mouth to Shepard’s.

The next morning, Shepard’s alarm woke Garrus with a start, “Spirits! What is that?”

“That’s the very evil alarm clock. Kill it, Garrus,” Shepard mumbled into his chest before rolling over to turn the alarm off.

“You wake up to that every day? No wonder you like to shoot things so much,” Garrus said.

Shepard rolled back over and grinned, “Maybe. But it makes life interesting.”

“No, Dawn. I think _you_ make life interesting all on your own,” Garrus said. “If by interesting we mean getting shot at on a near daily basis.”

“Of course,” she winked.

Garrus chuckled, “So… last night was… interesting.”

Shepard sat up and put her feet on the floor, “Not exactly the word I’d use for it.”

Garrus rolled over to his side behind her to caress her bare waist and nip at her side, “What word would you use for it?”

Shepard gasped before looking over her shoulder, “I thought it was amazing. But if you’re going with ‘interesting’, well then I guess I need to step up my game.”

“Hmmm. I didn’t say it was a ‘bad interesting’, more like ‘life altering experience interesting.’ One that I hope to soon repeat,” Garrus said pulling himself up to nip at her neck.

Shepard was losing focus; she cleared her throat, “How soon?”

Garrus growled and pulled her back down to the bed, pinning her there with his body, “Very.”

“But the alarm…,” Shepard said weakly.

“I don’t hear anything,” Garrus said covering her mouth with his.

An hour later, Garrus was putting his armor on and watching as Shepard ran a brush through her hair with fascination.

“I think I’ll still do some research,” Garrus said.

Shepard laughed, “I think we managed fine on our own.”

Garrus came to stand behind her, his hands on her waist while he watched their reflection in the mirror.

“I told you, Shepard, I don’t do anything half-assed,” Garrus said.

Shepard laughed and Garrus buried his face in her neck, breathing deeply.

“You know that there’s a room full of people out there waiting for us to leave your cabin, right?” Garrus asked.

Shepard sighed, “Yeah… I know. You ready for this?”

“I’m always ready, Shepard,” Garrus said.

Shepard straightened her spine and left her cabin with Garrus right behind her. All eyes in the mess hall turned to look at the two of them. Shepard could hear snickers from several people. She stared at the room blankly.

“Is there something I can help you all with?” Shepard asked.

Eyes returned to their plates and a few echoing coughs suppressed the sound of giggles. Shepard and Garrus grabbed their breakfast and sat down at a table across from Ashley and Tali. Ashley had bruises ringing the underside of her eyes and her nose was still swollen. Shepard could tell that Ashley disapproved of her choice of bedmates but she was smart enough to keep it to herself.

“Where are we at, Williams?” Shepard asked.

“Orbiting Luna, ma’am. Joker said we’re clear to go whenever you’re ready,” Ashley said.

“Great. You up for a walk on the moon, Ash?” Shepard asked.

Being the only other human left on Shepard’s team, she thought Ashley might enjoy the sentiment of walking on Earth’s moon. All of the other’s on board were species who had long ago set out to explore space but humanity was still relatively new to the scene. Humanity’s first big step towards entering galactic civilization had started with sending men to Earth’s own moon. It was something that was still taught to children in schools, even to those like Shepard who were born on other planets. It was still a moment of pride for humanity.

Ashley smiled, “Yes ma’am.”

“Good. Tali, you and Ashley will go with me for this one. There’s a good chance we’ll be facing a shitload of drones and I’ll need your Hacking skills,” Shepard said.

“I’m ready whenever you are, Shepard,” Tali said.

After breakfast, Shepard went to the cockpit to speak with Joker.

“Go ahead and set us down somewhere with a view, Joker. I think some of the team might like to see Earth,” Shepard said.

“You got it, Commander,” Joker said.

“What no comments about Garrus?” Shepard asked.

“Well, you’re actually sleeping with him now. It takes the fun out of teasing you,” Joker said.

“Uh huh. I’ve got to go get ready,” Shepard said patting his shoulder.

“Alright, see ya,” Joker said.

Shepard suited up and made her way to the cargo bay holding her breather helmet under her arm. She made her way to Garrus and put a hand on his chest.

“I had Joker set us down somewhere with a view. You guys are welcome to take a look around outside. There isn’t much here but Earth looks spectacular from this vantage point. No air and not much gravity so full suits if any of you go out,” Shepard said.

“Hmmm. I might take a look. Where will you be?” Garrus asked.

Shepard opened her omni-tool and sent the coordinates for the base to Garrus. He looked them over and nodded.

“Call if you need me,” he said.

“I’ve got this, Garrus. Don’t worry,” Shepard said.

Garrus growled at her and she chuckled before scanning the area to see if anyone was actively watching them. When she didn’t see any eyes on her she pushed herself up on her toes and gave him a quick kiss before locking her helmet into place.

“If I need you, I’ll call,” Shepard said before turning to climb in the Mako.

Once she was strapped in next to Tali with Ashley on the guns, Shepard gave Joker the go ahead to let them roll out. The low gravity and loose dust on the moon’s surface made it a little bit harder to drive, but also made the trip so much more fun in Shepard’s book. She could tell the second Tali caught sight of Earth because she heard the quarian gasp.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Shepard asked.

“I would say that’s an understatement, Shepard,” Tali said.

“Yeah… you’d never be able to tell how much of a mess things are on the ground from here,” Shepard said.

“What do you mean?” Tali asked.

“She means that we humans don’t have our crap together. There’s a still civil struggle. Poverty. Disease. Wars. Species of animals going extinct because we keep destroying their natural environments to serve our own petty desires. People shooting each other in the streets over drunken arguments,” Ashley said.

Shepard turned to look at Ashley, “Didn’t realize you had such strong feelings about it, Ashley.”

Ashley shrugged, “I think we’ll get there, eventually.”

Tali was quiet for a long time before she finally said, “But it’s yours. Your home world and you can go there, whenever you like.”

Shepard gave Tali a sympathetic smile.

“Sorry, Tali. I hadn’t really thought about it that way. You’re right. Maybe one day, when all of this is over, your people will find a way to get your home world back,” Ashley said. “What was it called, again?”

“Rannoch,” Tali said quietly.

Shepard could see the base ahead, “Alright, Ashley get ready. There’s going to be defense turrets on the buildings. We’re going to have to take them out before we can get in.”

“Yes ma’am,” Ashley said opening up the target viewing screen for the guns.

Shepard drove past the three building compound letting Ashley take care of the turrets while making it harder for them to get a lock on the Mako. When the turrets were down, Shepard rolled to a stop in front of the closest building. They left the Mako and made their way inside.

Jane led Shepard through the building to fight off the first batch of advanced assault drones. They were far more aggressive than usual, no doubt because of the AI’s influence. Shepard was very glad she brought Tali along. When the last drone crashed to the floor, Shepard moved to the door at the back of the room.

“You two wait here and watch this door in case there are any other surprises,” Shepard said.

“What if there’s more in the server rooms?” Tali asked.

“There isn’t, but if there were, you’ll be within ear shot if I need you,” Shepard said.

Tali shrugged, “If you say so, Commander.”

Shepard left Tali and Ashley in the hall before making her way back to the first server room on the left. She saw four conduits, two on either side of the room. Jane’s memories were telling her that she should shoot out the conduits in both rooms before doing the same in the other bases. Shepard wanted to try something else to make Jane happy.

Shepard tapped into one of the conduits using her omni-tool. She looked over her shoulder to make sure that Tali and Ashley had stayed put where she told them before quickly typing a message.

**If you can understand this I need you to listen to me. I don’t have much time but I’m trying to help you. I have to shut you down, but someone will be coming to get you. They’re going to take you someplace else and turn you on again. I have to do this a certain way though, no one can ever know that I’m helping. I’ll have to shoot out your conduits. I’m sorry. Defend yourself as normal, or they’ll know something isn’t right. I’m deleting this message.**

Shepard hoped that her message did some good, but there was really no way for her to know. She let the connection to the conduit go and moved to the center of the room before firing into the conduit. Her heads up display told her that toxic gas was being vented from the conduit. She turned and shot out the other three before moving down the hall, past Tali and Ashley to take out the conduits in the next room.

Back out in the hall, she asked, “We clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” Ashley said.

“Alright, let’s get to the next building,” Shepard said.

They made their way through the next two buildings fighting through advanced assault and advanced rocket drones. They had to shoot through the barriers the AI put up over every entrance and in front of the conduits. When she blew out the final conduit her heads up display flashed with a binary message.

**01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101**

Shepard tapped a few buttons on her omni-tool to translate the code; it said ‘thank you’. She wiped the message from her display and her omni-tool before Ashley or Tali could ask questions. They headed back out to the Mako and returned to the Normandy. The rest of her team and Kirrahe were standing outside of the Normandy looking out at Earth in the distance. Shepard pulled the Mako into the cargo bay and then went back outside to stand with them for a few minutes before rounding them back up to head for the Citadel.

 


	21. Chapter 20: I Said I Wanted His Head, Shepard.

**Chapter 20: I Said I Wanted His Head, Shepard.**

            Shepard stood outside of the Council chambers pacing and swearing under her breath. Even with Jane’s warnings, she was still having trouble swallowing the bitter pill of the Council’s refusal to take Sovereign and the reapers seriously. The real icing on the cake was Udina locking down the Normandy. Jane had told her it would happen, and that Anderson would fix the situation for her but it didn’t make it any easier. She really wanted to punch Udina in his smug nose but that was definitely not a good idea.

            Kirrahe stood by watching her, letting her calm herself before he attempted to speak to her. Shepard raked a hand through her hair and growled in frustration. When she realized Kirrahe was still standing there she turned to face him. Shepard debated telling the salarian that this wasn’t over and she was still going to Ilos. She still needed him to be ready but she couldn’t risk him reporting her to the Council. She didn’t think that he would, but it wasn’t worth the risk and besides if he held her secret that would put his ass on the line as well.

            “Thank you, Kirrahe. They’ve been warned about Sovereign. I don’t know what else I can do other than be prepared to clean up their mess. I guess that’s in the job description, though, isn’t it? I don’t think that their plan is going to work, though. So, if you can, it might still be best if you stuck around here for a while,” Shepard said.

            “Indeed, Commander. I have had marginal success in securing aid. There are several members of STG who see the merit in your claims and are prepared to take action. Unfortunately, with Councilor Valern and the others denying your claims, it is unlikely that I will be able to rally much more support for you until there is more evidence,” Kirrahe said.

            “Thanks for trying, Kirrahe. I’ll keep you updated when I can, on what I can,” Shepard said.

            The salarian nodded to her and walked away leaving her to stew in her own thoughts. Shepard spent a few minutes staring out one of the grand windows outside of the Council’s Chambers. Images of a destroyed Citadel flooded her mind. Bits and pieces of a dead reaper strewn about. The Council had no idea just how wrong they were. _They never do._

            Shepard opened her omni-tool and sent Garrus a message telling him to meet her at Flux in thirty minutes if he still wanted to grab that beer. Anderson would be calling for her soon, asking her to meet him there anyway. She could really use a drink right about now. Shepard left the Citadel Tower and made her way back to the Presidium. She was going to take the long way to the Wards to blow off steam.

            Half way to the Wards Access, Shepard’s eyes snagged on someone familiar.

            _“Thane?”_ Jane said.

            Images of the drell standing shirtless before her flashed through Shepard’s mind. The feel of his lime green, scaled skin sliding beneath her fingers was so real it made the fine hairs on her body stand on end. Shepard shook her head to clear the images.

            “I don’t need to see that right now, Jane,” Shepard thought.

            _“Sorry,”_ Jane said.

Shepard squinted her eyes to try to get a better look at the drell before he turned around a corner and disappeared from her sight. Her feet started to follow him without a second thought.

            _“Dawn, no!”_ Jane said.

            Shepard wasn’t listening though; she was already pushing her way through the crowd. She turned the corner and caught sight of his brown leather jacket as the drell effortlessly wove his way through the crowd. Shepard lost sight of him again. Her feet picked up speed as she barged through people, mumbling apologies. Every now and again her eyes would catch on him once more until she rounded a corner and he was gone. Just disappeared. Shepard stood in an alley, there was no one back here but she knew she had seen Thane turn down this way. Remembering the vision she had of him as he slid from the ceiling to kill Nassana and her men, Shepard looked up and around. There was a series of catwalks in this area. She thought he must have taken them.

            Hands slid around Shepard’s head and chin, “Why are you following me, Spectre?”

            _“New territory,”_ Jane said sounding resigned. _“Careful.”_

            Shepard didn’t need to hear Jane’s warning to know that she needed to stay very, very still.

            “You know who I am?” Shepard asked.

            “Everyone knows who you are. You are the first human Council Spectre; Alliance Commander Shepard. I will ask you again: Why are you following me, Spectre?” Thane’s quiet, raspy voice slid over her ear sending a chill down her spine.

            “I’m not sure,” Shepard said as honestly as she could.

            “Forgive me if I do not believe that you randomly chose someone to follow into a dark alley,” Thane said.

            “No, it wasn’t random. But you wouldn’t believe the truth if I told you, Krios,” Shepard said.

            Shepard felt Jane wince inside of her.

            “You know my name,” Thane said, it was not a question but an observation. “You speak it with familiarity.”

            _“Careful!”_ Jane said.

            “Yes. You’re Thane Krios,” Shepard said.

            “Then you also know exactly how unwise it was for you to follow me,” Thane said still holding her head with a feather touch.

            Shepard knew that his light touch could turn deadly in a heartbeat, “In hindsight, yes.”

She felt Thane’s hand shift to rest a finger on her carotid. He was measuring her pulse. She didn’t try to resist as he used his other hand at the base of her skull to rotate her head so he could see her eyes while maintaining his advantageous position. It wasn’t a very comfortable position but it wasn’t painful.

            _“Pupil dilation,”_ Jane said.

            “Crap, I can’t fake that,” Shepard thought.

            _“He’s aware,”_ Jane said.

            “Have you come to attempt to arrest me?” Thane asked.

            “What? No!” Shepard said emphatically.

            “To kill me?” Thane asked.

            “Absolutely not,” Shepard said.

            “I am a man of patience, by trade, Spectre but I will not wait all day,” Thane said.

            Shepard stared into the deadly assassin’s blackened eyes; only the faintest hint of his iris could be seen in this light, “In just over two years, you’re going to join me to take down a race known as the collectors. By that point, they will have abducted several human colonies. I will find you again on Illium when you make your move to kill an asari named Nassana Dantius, and ask you for help.”

            His eyes studied hers without giving any clue as to what he was thinking, “What evidence do you have to support your claims?”

            Shepard scoffed, “That’s the question of the year.”

 _“Don’t … smartass… kill you,”_ Jane said.

            He was not amused. Shepard licked her lips and swallowed back the knot in her throat.

            “You’re a religious man, Krios. Does your religion cover anything on reincarnation? Repeated lives? A chance to right whatever you did wrong?” Shepard asked.

            Thane studied her eyes for long moments. Shepard took in the details of his face that she could see, the hint of red frills that ringed his neck, the black diamond on his forehead. Subtle images from Jane filled in what Shepard’s eyes could not detect in the low light. Something in her wanted desperately to reach up and touch the frills at his neck; wanted to steal a taste of his full lips. Heat started to rise up in Shepard. She scolded herself for the response. Scolded Jane, thinking it must be coming from her despite Jane’s insistence that his lips were the last thing she was concerned with at the moment.

Thane’s brow twitched ever so slightly. Shepard wasn’t sure if it was her words sinking in, or if he had smelt the change in her the way Garrus always did. She sincerely hoped it was the first. He rolled Shepard’s head forward again with gentle ease. He was so quiet that if it weren’t for the feel of his hands on her head and face she wouldn’t believe he was still there.

            “You believe your words to be truth. Your lack of forethought will not cost you your life by my hand this day,” Thane said.

            Shepard felt his hands slip away from her and she slowly turned to look but he was already gone. She glanced around the area but caught no further sign of the drell. Shepard made her way to Flux. She really needed that beer. At the entrance to Flux, a man leaning against a wall called out to her. She was in no mood to deal with strangers right now.

            _“Addict. Needs help,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard walked past the man, “I don’t have time for this. You’re an addict. You need help.”

            As she started up the steps armed guards escorted a salarian out, one of them hit the salarian in the back of the head and he tumbled down the stairs. Shepard groaned and headed down to make sure he was alright.

            _“Caught cheating,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard saw a small, hand-held scanner slide across the floor when she stopped to help the salarian up. She scooped up the machine and walked back towards Flux ignoring the salarian’s protests. She spotted Garrus at the bar and held up a finger to tell him she’d be right with him. She climbed up the steps to the quasar machines and glanced around until she saw the volus who ran the place.

            “Found this on the salarian outside, thought you might want it,” Shepard said handing it over.

            “Thank you, try a few rounds of quasar on the house?” the volus said.

            Shepard held up a hand, “Thanks maybe another time. I’m meeting someone downstairs.”

            Shepard slid onto the stool next to Garrus and sighed. He sniffed the air around her, and she saw him raise an eyebrow ridge in silent question.

            “No luck?” Garrus asked.

            “Of course not,” Shepard said. “Udina locked down the Normandy. They want to pull me off the mission. They said they have blockades up at all the relays. Idiots. Anderson will call me soon; he’ll get us back the ship.”

            She decided not to talk about her run in with the assassin if he wasn’t going to ask. She didn’t want to hear him tell her how stupid that was.

            “Damn,” Garrus said.

            “You?” Shepard asked.

            Garrus had gone off to talk to some of his contacts on the Citadel and C-Sec when they arrived. She could already tell by how tight his mandibles were locked to the sides of his face that he didn’t have good news.

            Garrus shook his head, “I tried, Shepard. No one’s interested in listening.”

            _“Of course,”_ Jane said.

            “Yeah, I know. Thanks, Garrus,” Shepard said. “Kirrahe had a few men express interest, at least.”

            “I’m not giving up that easy, Shepard,” Garrus said smiling at her.

            She motioned to the bartender but opted for something stronger than beer. Garrus’ mandibles twitched but as usual he followed her lead and asked for some dextro drink she’d never heard of before. Shepard slammed back the shot and asked for another before doing the same to that one. Garrus watched her intently as she called for a third.

            “You alright, Shepard?” he asked.

            Shepard shook her head and held up the glass, “No. Not really, but I will be.”

            She slowed down on the third, she wasn’t looking to get wasted she just wanted to take the edge off. Garrus nursed his drink, keeping wary eyes on Shepard. She gave him the best smile she could manage. He sniffed the air around her again.

            “Sprits, woman _what_ am I smelling on you?” Garrus finally asked.

            Shepard took a sip from her glass before shrugging, “Drell.”

            “Drell?” Garrus asked.

            She nodded and took another sip.

            “And you were… spending time with this drell… intimately?” Garrus asked.

            Shepard nearly choked on her drink, “What? No. Garrus he had his hands wrapped around my head ready to snap my neck.”

            Garrus growled, his mandibles snapped down tight around his face, “What did you do to piss off a drell?”

            “What makes you think I did anything to piss him off?” Shepard said.

            “Maybe because I know how much you like being shot at, Shepard,” Garrus said.

            Shepard snorted and glanced around making sure no one was sitting close enough to listen and lowered her voice, “I followed him. He didn’t like being followed. It was the drell from the vision.”

            “Shepard! You saw a man you knew to be a damned assassin and you thought – what you’d follow him for kicks? Alone?” Garrus hissed.

            Shepard chuckled and threw back the rest of her drink, “I don’t know why I followed him, Garrus. I guess I just wanted to see him up close.”

            Garrus sniffed at her, “And I take it you liked what you saw?”

            Shepard’s face turned red, “I blame Jane.”

            _“All you,”_ Jane said.

            Garrus chuffed, “Of course you do. Should I… be concerned?”

            “What’s the matter, Vakarian, afraid of a little competition?” Shepard smirked.

            “I have no right to a claim on you, Shepard. I can share if you insist, but I’ll rip his throat out before I let him take you away from me,” Garrus said with deadly seriousness.

            _“Well now… new,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard laughed and reached out a hand to touch his face, rubbing a thumb down over the arch of a mandible.

            “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Garrus. Honestly, I’m considering it a win that he didn’t break my neck. Hopefully I didn’t blow things by approaching him so early,” Shepard said.

            “What did you say to him? Did you tell him about Jane?” Garrus asked.

            “You mean did I tell him that there is a thousand or more versions of me trapped in my head? That one of them named Jane talks to me, telling me things and showing me what my future holds if I can’t figure out a way to change things?” Shepard smiled, “No, Garrus, I didn’t tell him about Jane. Not exactly anyway. No one besides you would be crazy enough to believe me.”

            “Dr. Tulina believes you,” Garrus said.

            “Well, she has seen it, or at least some of it with the joining,” Shepard shrugged.

            “I think some of the others would believe you, if you told them. Why haven’t you told them, Shepard?” Garrus asked.

            _“He’s right,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard sighed and looked down at her empty glass, “Because… I know that I need to change things. I need to set things right, but with everything that I change… I worry if I’m actually making it worse.”

            Garrus hummed quietly. Shepard reached over and patted his knee. He covered her hand with his own, trapping it on his leg. She was content to leave it there. She felt like someone was watching her, her eyes scanned the room but she saw no one of interest.

            “So what now?” Garrus asked.

            “Now we wait for Anderson and go to Ilos. I don’t think we can afford to wait,” Shepard said.

            “Hmmm. I don’t like this, Shepard,” Garrus said.

            “I know. I don’t either, but it’s my job to do what needs to be done. I’m a soldier, Garrus. Sometimes, soldiers have to fight even when they know it means they’re probably going to die,” Shepard said.

            “Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go down fighting,” Garrus said.

            “Yeah,” Shepard said.

            Garrus hummed, “Yeah.”

            “Commander, Anderson is looking for you. He wants you to meet him in that bar on the Wards, Flux,” Joker said over her comm.

            “Already there, Joker. Thanks,” she responded.

            Anderson walked in just then and Shepard waved him over. He slid onto a stool next to hers.

            “Garrus Vakarian meet Captain Anderson, Anderson meet Vakarian. Now, how are you going to get us off this station, Anderson?” Shepard asked.

            The alcohol was loosening her tongue as well as relieving her stress, apparently.

            Anderson shook Garrus’ hand before speaking, “What makes you think I’m going to get you off this station, Shepard?”

            Shepard looked at Anderson, “Because you know this is bullshit as much as I do and you know what’s at stake. Besides, I’m your favorite Spectre.”

            Anderson chuckled, “That you are, Commander. That you are. I was thinking that if I can get into a console on Citadel –.”

            “Nope, too dangerous. You’ll be shot. What else do you have?” Shepard asked.

            Anderson looked at the empty glass cupped between Shepard’s palms and arched an eyebrow at her. She shrugged.

            “Udina was the one to issue the lock-down, I might be able to use his terminal to override the order,” Anderson said.

            “That will work. You might have to knock Udina out, you OK with that, Captain?” Shepard said.

            Anderson grinned, “Well… we’ll hope it doesn’t come to that, Commander but if the need should arise… well, I can’t say I won’t enjoy it a little.”

            “Give him one for me, Anderson,” Shepard said with a smirk.

            “Alright, Commander. You going to make it back to the Normandy OK?” Anderson asked.

            “I haven’t had _that_ much to drink. Besides, my favorite turian here will pick my ass up and carry me if I can’t manage,” Shepard said nodding her head at Garrus.

            She heard him chuckle beside her. Anderson smiled and nodded a little too sagely.

            “Alright, get back to the Normandy and tell Joker to stand by,” said Anderson.

            They all stood and Shepard held her hand out to him but he pulled her in for a brief hug. She chuckled and patted the man on the back. Anderson left Flux with a determined stride. Shepard could feel the warmth and the fuzzy feeling brought on by the shots spreading throughout her body. It wasn’t enough to keep her from feeling the eyes on her, though, as she made her way back to the elevator in C-Sec to get to the docks. Garrus caught her scanning the area every couple of minutes and soon he was doing the same.

            “What is it?” Garrus asked.

            “Feel like I’m being watched,” Shepard said.

 _“Thane,”_ Jane said.

            “I don’t see anyone following us,” Garrus said.

            “Me neither,” she said.

            They stepped into the elevator and took it to the docks. Shepard gave one last look around before getting on the Normandy and heading to the cockpit.

            “Joker, Anderson is getting us out of here. Be ready to leave the second those locks are off. They may not let us fly away easy,” Shepard said.

            Joker glanced up at her and watched her with narrowed eyes before nodding, “Aye, aye, Commander.”

            Shepard stood over Joker’s shoulder watching the display. She chewed at her lip and noticed Joker nervously rubbing his thumb along the index finger of a loose fist. She laid her hand reassuringly on his shoulder. Joker glanced up at her before reaching up to pat her hand. The screen showed that the locks were lifted and Joker got to work.

Shepard watched the Citadel docks start to slip away through the observation screen. Thane stepped out of the shadows and into the light of artificial day. He stood still with his hands clasped behind his back. Shepard knew that there was no way for him to see her on the Normandy but she felt like he was looking right at her anyway. Someone walked in front of him, blocking her view for the briefest of moments, when they passed, Thane was gone. Shepard pursed her lips and left the cockpit. 

            She went straight for the galaxy map and input the coordinates for the Mu Relay before calling everyone in to the debriefing room. When the room was full, Shepard stood in the middle of the room.

            “Alright, I’m sure you all realize by now that we just technically stole an Alliance vessel. Udina locked us down; he was trying to prevent us from continuing on with this mission because the Council is a bunch of idiots who think that throwing up blockades at the relays will be enough to solve their problem. I suppose I should be happy that they are at least doing something,” she ran a hand through her hair.

            “We’re not letting this go that easy, though. We’re headed to Ilos now. If anyone has any complaints about my actions today, you’re welcome to voice your opinions but you’re stuck on this ship until this shit is over with so you’d better come to terms with it all pretty quick,” Shepard let her eyes roam over her team and was relieved to see nothing but nods and smiles of encouragement.

            “Saren has gone to Ilos in order to access the Conduit. The Conduit will transport him to the middle of the Citadel if I’m not able to stop him in time. He plans to –,” Shepard said.

            “I’m sorry, but did you just say that the Conduit will take him to the Citadel? How is that possible?” Ashley cut in.

            Shepard gave her a stern look for cutting her off, but she answered the question anyway, “Look, Williams… all of you… I don’t know all of the details. It was something the protheans built before their fall. As I was saying, Saren plans to use the Conduit to get past the Citadel’s defenses. Once inside he will attempt to seize control over the Citadel, allowing Sovereign to use the Citadel to open the way for the other reapers.”

            “How is the Citadel going to bring in the other reapers?” Tali asked.

            Shepard took a breath and began pacing, “The Citadel is an inactive mass relay. It links to where the reapers are hiding out in dark space.”

            “Of course it does,” said Wrex.

            “Commander Shepard, that doesn’t make any sense. Surely someone would have noticed?” Tali said.

            “Yeah… that’s pretty much what the Council said, too,” said Shepard dropping herself into a chair.

            She sat staring at her feet in silence while the others whispered amongst themselves. They quieted again when she looked up.

            “I don’t have all of the answers. I’m sorry. I need you all to trust me, though. I know that’s asking a lot, but it’s the way it has to be. When we get to Ilos, Joker is going to drop us all in the Mako. It’ll be crowded but we can make it work. Joker will be given orders to immediately return to the Citadel. Sovereign and geth ships are already on their way there. He will assist the other fleets in taking care of Sovereign and the geth,” Shepard said putting an end to the questions.

            “The ground team will infiltrate Ilos and attempt to cut Saren off before he can access the Conduit. If we fail, Saren will arrive inside of the Citadel with more geth. If that happens, the ground team will follow Saren through the Conduit to stop him from seizing control. If we are able to deal with Saren before then, we will still use the Conduit to get to the Citadel if possible.” Shepard said.

            “Captain Kirrahe and his men have pledged their support. They will be ready on the Citadel to help from the inside. Are there any questions relating to what we have to do here?” Shepard asked.

            A look around the room showed eyes full of doubt but everyone shook their head. She dismissed everyone before making her way to the cockpit to explain the plan to Joker.

            “So, you expect me to leave all of you down there?” Joker asked.

            “I do. The Normandy is state of the art, and you’re the best damn pilot the Alliance has, Joker. They’re going to need you to lead them in tearing apart Sovereign,” Shepard said.

            “Well, yeah, obviously but are you sure you’ll be able to get back to the Citadel?” Joker asked.

            “I am, but if for some reason we don’t make it back, it’s still better for you to be there than on Ilos waiting for us,” Shepard said. 

            “Alright, if you say so, Commander,” Joker said.

            Shepard patted him on the shoulder and headed towards the stairs in the CIC. Garrus was leaning against the wall next to the stairs waiting for her. She smiled when she saw him. He was exactly what she needed. She took his hand and wordlessly led him down the stairs to her cabin. She stripped off her armor and turned to Garrus to wrap her arms around his neck.

            Garrus nuzzled her neck, “I can still smell him on you.”

            “Do you want me to go take a shower?” Shepard asked pulling back to look in Garrus’ eyes.

            “No, I want you right here with me,” Garrus said wrapping a hand around her waist to pull her to him. “Besides, when I’m done with you the only scent that will be on you is my own.”

            “Mmmm. That sounds promising,” Shepard said bring her lips up to his.

            Garrus growled, sliding his hands down her waist and over her ass before cupping them around her thighs. He heaved, pulling her upwards to wrap her legs around his waist. Shepard clung to his neck, her mouth staying locked on his. He turned and carried her to her bed, placing a knee down on the mattress he slowly lowered her before standing back up to slide his armor off. She watched him through heavily lidded eyes.

            When he had stripped down to the snuggly fitting under armor, his eyes watched Shepard with a predatory gaze. It made the blood heat up in her veins. Garrus leaned down over her, a hand pressing into the bed on either side of her shoulders. He used his knee to spread her legs apart before sliding a warm thigh up to press against her, eliciting a quiet gasp from Shepard. His mouth found hers and she was lost to the scent and the feel of Garrus all around her.

            For the first time, Garrus was asleep before Shepard. She laid in her bed with his arms wrapped around her listening to the sound of his soft breathing. They were racing towards Ilos and Shepard knew that the clock was ticking down for her. She didn’t know if she was going to find a way to stop what lay ahead. If she was going to be able to find a way to keep herself from having to die and be turned over to Cerberus but still stop the reapers from destroying the galaxy. Why did she have to be the one to do all of this, anyway?

            She turned her head slowly to look up at Garrus’ face. His eyes were closed but he still had that visor on and the blue glow forced her to squint her eyes. Even in his sleep, she could see the tension in his face. She felt like she was the worst person in the world to invite him into her bed and heart all the while telling him that it might end in such a horrible fashion so soon. She was going to die and leave him to deal with the aftermath for two years if she didn’t stop this. And then, she’d do it to him all over again when she died in the Crucible. Only she wouldn’t be coming back to him after that. No, either she fixed the cycle and stayed dead or she woke up again in someone else’s body. Sure, there’d be another Garrus… or was it still this Garrus, she wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter though, she wouldn’t be herself and he wouldn’t be hers. He would live though. He might hate her for it, but she would make sure that no matter what, he lived.

            Shepard tried to gently lift Garrus arm off of her so she could slide out of the bed. He emitted a low growl and pulled her in closer. She had to fight back a laugh. She gave up on that idea and instead closed her eyes. It took her a bit longer to reach that quiet place of tranquility while she was lying wrapped up next to Garrus but she succeeded.

            _“Hello, Dawn,”_ Jane’s soft voice came to attention.

            “What’s going to happen to him, Jane?” Shepard asked.

            _“That depends on you at this point. What you do, how you change things,”_ Jane said.

            “What usually happens to him?” Shepard asked.

            _“Well, while Cerberus is busy bringing us back he struggles to come to terms with the loss and the impending invasion. He tries to get someone to listen to him, goes to his father. It doesn’t do a whole lot of good. He ends up on Omega, a total shithole of a station, practicing his own version of justice,”_ Jane said. _“He rallies a team around him, until one of them – Sidonis betrays them and everyone on the team gets taken out. He… kind of loses it after that. When we find him again he’s held up in a building with every merc on Omega gunning for his ass. That’s how he gets those scars. A gunship shoots him with a rocket blast. It grazes his face. Fucks us up good to rush back into the room and find him lying in a pool of his own blood. He’s not the same after losing everything like that. He’s more cynical, closed off, more ruthless.”_

            Shepard stayed quiet, swallowing back tears so Jane continued.

            _“This is the first time a relationship like this has happened with him before our resurrection. It may go completely different for him this time,”_ Jane said.

            “You mean it might be far worse,” Shepard said.

            _“Maybe… or maybe it will be better somehow. Especially since he knows that you’ll be coming back,”_ Jane said.

            “Maybe,” Shepard said before pausing to think. “He lives through it, in the end after the reapers, right?”

            _“I can’t really answer that with certainty, but I believe that’s the idea. I don’t really know what happens to everyone else when we wake up again. If the universe just resets them somehow or what,”_ Jane said.

            “I have to do this, though, right? I have to go to Ilos and stop Saren. Stop Sovereign,” Shepard asked even though she already knew the answer.

            _“If you don’t, they’ll take control of the Citadel and the reapers will be here sooner than ever. We don’t have the Crucible yet. We’d have no way to fight them. Dawn, they would rip through every ship we threw at them like they were nothing more than falling leaves getting in their way,”_ Jane said.

            “How do we get the Crucible?” Shepard asked.

            _“The plans for it are on Mars. Liara will find them when we’re serving our sentence. We’ll have to gather support from the rest of the galaxy to help get it built,”_ Jane said.

            “Maybe we can get the plans sooner, start work on it sooner,” Shepard said.

            _“We can try. It’s not something we can build though, the thing is massive and Hackett has teams of people working to get it built around the clock. We send everyone we can to help, but it still barely gets finished in time,”_ Jane said.

            “Still though, Anderson believes us about the reapers and if we get the plans for the Crucible to the Alliance sooner… maybe if nothing else we’ll get it finished a little sooner,” Shepard said.

            _“It’s as good a plan as any. It might throw a wrench into a few other things, like EDI getting her body, but that’s honestly the least of our concerns,”_ Jane said.

            “What does that have to do with EDI getting a body?” Shepard asked.

            _“When we go to Mars after we’re reinstated to find Liara and get the plans for the Crucible, we have to fight the infiltration mech that becomes EDI’s body. If we change that, the mech won’t be there when we go. Possibly won’t be there even if we go back later, depends on if Cerberus thinks there is still a reason to place the mech there. No way to know,”_ Jane said.

            “Hmm. What was the mech after?” Shepard asked.

            _“The same thing we are, information on the Crucible and whatever else they took from the prothean archives. It’s because of them that it takes us so long to learn that the Citadel is the Catalyst that the plans call for to activate the Crucible,”_ Jane said.

            Shepard stayed quiet for a long time, teetering on the edge of consciousness.

            _“Get some sleep, Dawn. You’re going to need it,”_ Jane said.

            “Yeah…,” Shepard said letting herself drift off.

            “… let her sleep a little while longer, Joker,” Garrus’ voice was pulling Shepard back into consciousness.

            “Alright, but it’s your ass on the line if she isn’t happy with it,” Joker’s voice responded through the cabin’s comm.

            Shepard rolled over and groaned, “I’m awake. What’s up, Joker?”

            Garrus was already dressed and sitting at Shepard’s desk working on a datapad. He turned to look at her frowned.

            “We’re hitting the Mu Relay in thirty, Commander,” Joker said.

            “Alright, thanks, Joker,” Shepard said.

            She sat up in bed and stretched, the sheet falling away to expose her breasts to the chill air of the cabin. Garrus laid the datapad on the table without taking his eyes off of her. Her lips pulled up into a lazy smile. Garrus crossed the room to crawl across the bed, nuzzling her neck when he reached her.

            “Nuh uh, mister. We don’t have time for this,” Shepard said.

            Garrus released a sigh across her neck and shoulder before resting his forehead there, “I know. Spirits, I know.”

            Shepard rested her palm on the back of his head beneath his crest, “I’m sorry, Garrus. For doing this to you. Putting you through all of this. I want you to know, though, I don’t think I could do any of this without you.”

            “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Dawn,” Garrus said.

            She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. She hoped he knew it, though. She hoped he never doubted it, and that it was enough to sustain him when they were apart. Garrus pulled away from her neck to give her a quick kiss before he touched his forehead to hers.

            “I’ll go get ready,” Garrus said.

            “Tell the others to get ready too, will you?” Shepard asked.

            “You got it,” Garrus said leaving her alone in the cabin to get dressed.

            Shepard stared at her reflection in the mirror as she ran a brush through her hair. She gathered up all of the fear, all of the doubt, all of the regret, and even her love and locked it away inside of her. She reached deep to find that place of cold determination and wrapped it around her like a shroud. When she was ready, she left her cabin leaving Dawn behind and fully Commander Shepard once more.

            She stopped in the mess hall long enough to grab some protein bars. Going in on an empty stomach was just stupid, no matter how little she felt like eating. Her eyes grazed over Kaidan’s old station but she didn’t let herself feel the old familiar ache for him. Now wasn’t the time.

            In the cockpit, Shepard stood behind Joker. She watched as the tendrils of mass effect energy reached out from the relay to grab a hold of the Normandy. She steadied herself with a hand on the back of Joker’s seat when she felt the tendrils fling the Normandy forward as speeds simply not possible by any other means. The ship slowed to a stop in the Refuge system near the planet Agetoton. Ilos could just barely be seen in the distance. Shepard slipped into the co-pilots chair to watch their approach. Before long, her team had begun to migrate to the cockpit to watch as well. Navigator Pressly came in to access the map layouts of Ilos from a console.

            The cockpit erupted into a flurry of activity and voices when the scanners started to pick up the full force of geth ships that were orbiting Ilos. She could hear the arguments starting when Pressly insisted it was going to be impossible to land the ship.

            “Everyone be quiet,” Shepard said.

            She felt the eyes on her but she stared forward out of the observation screen.

            “They can’t see us and Joker is going to drop us in the Mako,” Shepard said.

            “Commander, there isn’t an area that we can drop you anywhere near –,” Pressly said.

            “Joker can do this,” Shepard said.

            “Commander, you’d need at least a hundred meters –,” Pressly began.

            “We’re doing it with twenty,” Shepard said.

            “That’s insane –,” Ashley began.

            “I can do it,” Joker said.

            His eyes locked on Shepard and she turned to meet his gaze, nodding her head, “You’ve got this Joker. You’re going to drop us in the Mako and then you’re going to high tail it back to the Citadel.”

            Shepard ordered everyone to the cargo bay. It took them a few minutes to figure out a semi-comfortable configuration to fit them all in the Mako. Shepard was forced to cede the driver’s seat to Garrus whose long legs made it difficult for others to get in the back. Wrex was given the passenger’s seat in the front because he took up too much of what little space there was in the back. As it was, Liara was all but sitting on Shepard’s lap. It occurred to Shepard that if Kaidan had lived, there wouldn’t be room. She shut down the ache in her chest before it could overtake her.

            Joker came over her comm to let her know that they were approaching the drop zone. Shepard gave Garrus the go ahead and he started rolling the Mako forward. The cargo bay doors opened and the Mako dropped fast and hard.

            “Keelah,” Tali said.

            “Goddess,” Liara whispered.

            “Holy shit!” Ashley yelled.

            Wrex whooped with krogan enthusiasm while Garrus white knuckled the steering wheel. Shepard stayed quiet. The Mako slammed into the ground. Ahead of them, Saren was sealing the doors behind him and his army of geth. The Mako wouldn’t make it through in time. Garrus was pushing down on the breaks to keep it from slamming into the reinforced door. The Mako rolled to a stop and Shepard ordered everyone out.

            She didn’t give them time to stand around debating how to get inside; she already knew what needed to be done. Jane was already there directing her, and warning her of enemy placements. Shepard ordered her team away from the entrance and back towards the geth. She had them spread out behind the stone slabs that separated them from the armatures. Shepard, Wrex, and Ashley took point to focus on the armatures while Garrus, Tali, and Liara handled the foot soldiers. Working together, her team cut through the geth with ease. They pushed forward down the series of switchback ramps to the ground below.

            Again, they spread out to confuse and harry the geth, keeping them from amassing on Shepard’s location. Shepard kept pushing her team forward, avoiding areas that weren’t necessary even if that meant leaving geth behind. There wasn’t time. She left them to hold the ground while she ran up a ramp and into the security room. She activated the panel, ignoring the static filled warning message the protheans left behind. Her fingers ran over the keys, unlocking the doors to the archives.

            Shepard rushed back down to her team and ushered them into the elevator beneath the security room. It took them back up to the top and let them off where they started, across from where the armatures had been. They raced back to the Mako and everyone piled in. Garrus slammed his foot down, pushing the Mako forward at top speed into the trenches of the archives.

            She urged him to keep going even when geth appeared in their path, “Run them over if you have to just keep going. Ashley, on the guns! Take out what you can!”

            “What are those things on the walls?” Tali asked.

            “Stasis pods,” Shepard answered without thought.

            “Goddess, there are protheans in there!” Liara said.

            “The pods are no longer active, Liara. There are corpses in there,” Shepard said.

            “I see. Still, can you imagine what we could learn from examining them?” Liara said.

            “Maybe you’ll be able to come back some day and take a go at it Liara, but today there’s no time,” Shepard said.

            “Of course, Commander, I certainly did not mean to imply that we should stop now,” Liara said before falling silent.

            Shepard glanced at the asari and tried to give her an apologetic smile but Liara’s eyes were still focused on the rows upon rows of deactivated prothean stasis pods lining the way. A golden barrier blocked the way ahead.

            “Ambush?” Wrex asked.

            “No, there’s a prothean VI up ahead. It’s trying to get our attention. Stop right next to that elevator up there on the right, Garrus,” Shepard said.

            The Mako rolled to a stop, “Garrus keep it running. Liara, you’ll want to see this.”

            Liara took the elevator with Shepard and out onto the walkway where the console that housed the VI was located.

            “Vigil, we don’t have a lot of time. I know what the Conduit is, and I know it leads to the Citadel. I know the Citadel will summon the rest of the reapers if Sovereign is allowed to get control over it. I need the data file for the Citadel controls,” Shepard said when she approached the VI.

            The swirling mass of shapes and lights that was the holographic projection of the VI spoke, “You have seen our warnings. I do not detect the presence of indoctrination on you. You know what must be done. I will prepare the data file.”

            Liara gasped in surprise at being able to understand the VI.

“It’s been monitoring our comms and adapting to our language,” Shepard said.

“Vigil, can you also transfer information on the protheans work on Ilos to stop the reaper threat including everything about the Conduit and the Citadel to me?” Shepard asked opening her omni-tool.

“Shepard, that is an excellent idea,” Liara said.

 _“Agreed,”_ Jane said.

The holographic image of Vigil shrunk down into an orange sized orb before floating forward to hover over Shepard’s open omni-tool. A few moments later it pulled away and expanded back out to its original size.

“Data transfer complete,” Vigil said.

“Thanks. Come on, Liara, we have to hurry,” Shepard said.

Liara pulled herself away from the VI’s hologram and raced with Shepard back to the elevator. Once the elevator let them out in front of the Mako, they squeezed back inside. The force field was gone and Garrus already had the Mako moving before the door was closed. The trenches began to twist and turn before dropping them down to a lower level with a thin sheet of water filling the bottom.

“Hurry, hurry,” Shepard urged.

“I’m going as fast as we can, Shepard!” Garrus’ strained voice responded.

They rushed their way through more geth set up along the way, Ashley shooting down what she could while Garrus kept the Mako moving forward.

“Colossus!” Garrus called out.

“Just keep going, dodge the blasts as much as you can. Ashley, blast that damn thing!” Shepard barked.

They got past the Colossus and rounded more corners to zoom past a group of rocket troopers. Shepard’s eyes were scanning ahead, hoping desperately that they would catch Saren before he got to the Conduit. All she saw was more geth until they hit the last run. A steep slope led downward, at the end several colossi were being activated by geth shock troopers. The Conduit stood, a massive beam of light coming from what looked a lot like a miniature mass relay just beyond them.         

“There! There he is. Guns, Ashley, guns! Go, Garrus! Go, go, go!” Shepard slapped her hand on the back of the driver’s seat. She heard him growl in response, the Mako really was going as fast as it could and there was nothing that he could do to speed it up.

 _“All new,”_ Jane said.

Saren was on the ground supervising the geth setting up the colossi. A cannon blast hit the ground in front of him, knocking him back. Saren dragged himself to his feet and looked up at the Mako. They were already halfway down to him when he raced for his hovering platform and jumped on. He tried to head straight for the Conduit but another blast from the Mako’s cannon forced him to detour. Ashley, switched to the machine guns to keep him harried. They Mako wasn’t close enough to get a good lock, especially while he was moving and they were rushing forward.

The colossi shook and rose to their feet, already priming up electrical blasts. Troopers turned and started firing on the Mako. Garrus dodged the first of the colossi blasts; Ashley turned the guns on the quadruped geth monstrosities.

“No, stay with Saren, Ashley,” Shepard growled.

It was too late though, Saren was at the Conduit and it was pulling him in.

“Damn it, Garrus get to the Conduit,” Shepard said.

The Mako hit the conduit mere seconds after Saren. It was lifted up into the beam of bright white light and then suddenly they were being thrown out on the Citadel. Shepard had just enough time to see Saren before the Mako crashed into him sending him flying back into a pile of burning debris. The Mako bounced and flipped, sliding across the floor towards Saren before coming to a stop. She had to maneuver Liara’s still form off of her in order to pull herself from the vehicle. Wrex all but ripped his door off the hinges in order to dive on Saren pulling him out of the fire and slamming his head into the turian.

Pride rushed from Jane into Shepard and back again as the living felt in sync with the dead. Shepard helped Tali out while Ashley tended to Liara. Liara still wasn’t moving. Shepard couldn’t think about that right now. She had her pistol out and was vying for a shot when Garrus climbed out through the passenger’s door. She spared a glance in his direction to make sure he was alright. He was already drawing his assault rifle and moving into position.

They weren’t far from the elevator that would lead up to the Citadel Towers. Saren had clearly sent geth in ahead of him to clear the way. Fires and destruction surrounded the area. Husks slid down off of dragons teeth to charge her team. Shepard opened her comm and flipped to Kirrahe’s channel before firing into the heads of the oncoming husks.

“Kirrahe, we’re at the elevator to the Citadel Towers. We’ve got Saren pinned down. Geth are swarming the area,” Shepard said.

“Headed to you now, Commander,” Kirrahe’s breathless voice said amidst the sounds of gunfire.

Saren sent Wrex flying backwards into the crashed Mako, making it spin on its side. Shepard opened fire. Tali was beside her with her shotgun out, firing blast after blast into the augmented turian. Wrex got back on his feet and charged Saren again. The krogan slammed into him, taking him to the ground where he pummeled his face with meaty fists. Shepard ran forward and shot Saren in the skull. He stopped moving.

Kirrahe and five of his men ran around a corner. She could tell immediately that at least three of them were severely wounded and they were being pursued. Shepard had her pistol up to fire at the first geth to step into sight. Garrus turned to see what she was firing at, his gun already raising to meet the new threat. Tali was already Hacking the geth prime that was locking in on Kirrahe. The handful of geth collapsed, one after another making a nice little mound of geth.

Kirrahe ran up to her, “Commander Shepard, where do you need us?”

“Garrus, Tali with me. Everyone else set up position here. Defend this elevator. They want in to the controls console in the Tower. More might be coming through that Conduit any moment. Wrex? Wrex?” Shepard couldn’t get the krogan to look at her.

His eyes were everywhere, wide and wild. His whole body was heaving and she only just noticed he was bleeding heavily from his side. Shepard started to walk towards Wrex when Garrus’ hand shot out and grabbed her. She turned to him confused.

“He’s injured too bad, his redundant systems have taken over. He’s in full blown battle rage. Spirits, be grateful he hasn’t assessed the rest of us as a threat,” Garrus said.

Shepard nodded and stayed where she was, “Wrex, I need you to try to focus. I’ve got Medi-gel. I need you Wrex. Saren isn’t really dead yet, he’s not done. Do you hear me? Sovereign can take control of his corpse and trust me; it’s far harder to take him down again. We need to do something with him to keep that from happening.”

Wrex turned and locked eyes on Shepard. Jane told her to stay still and so she did. Kirrahe and Garrus started to raise their guns; Shepard held a hand out to stop them. She watched as Wrex sniffed the air before turning to look at Saren’s corpse at his feet. Wrex reached down and ripped the turian’s head right off his body before throwing it over his shoulder. Shepard’s eyes bugged out and her mouth dropped open. She watched in horror and amazement for a second as Wrex began tearing the turian limb from limb.

 _“Dear gods,”_ Jane said.

Ashley pulled herself out of the Mako; she stopped with much the same expression as Shepard when she saw Wrex dismembering Saren.

“Uh, Liara’s going to be OK. I’ve got her stabilized. We should avoid moving her until we have a way to transport her to a hospital,” Ashley said.

Shepard nodded at Ashley before asking, “Garrus is it safe to leave him like this?”

It was Kirrahe who answered, “He’ll likely fall unconscious very soon. At which point it will be safe for someone to tend to his wounds. He will be fine, Commander. Go, get to the Tower.”

Shepard patted Kirrahe on the shoulder before running for the elevators with Garrus and Tali right behind her. Without Saren at the controls, the elevator didn’t lock up on them as Jane told her it had every time before. The elevator took them all the way up to the Towers before opening up to a path of dead geth.

“Go to the sea!” a familiar voice drew Shepard’s attention towards the stairs.

Thane stood at the top of the stairs, a pistol in his hand and biotic energy called up around his body. A geth was flying through the air away from the drell assassin. He spun to face another. Shepard ran for the stairs, gun raised and shooting a geth that was trying to flank Thane. The assassin spun and shot a final bullet, dropping the geth that Shepard had been shooting. She reached the top of the stairs and leveled her gun at the advancing geth coming from the next tier. The assassin did not acknowledge her presence other than to adjust his method of fighting to accommodate the presence of covering fire.

Shepard pushed forward, instinct, training, and Jane telling her where the others would be and where her allies would take cover.

“Commander, if you’re there we need you to get those arms back open. The Destiny Ascension is in trouble, we can save her,” Joker’s voice came through her comm.

“I’m working on it, Joker!” Shepard yelled over the sounds of battle.

A juggernaut fell off the balcony and crashed through the glass to land on the rocks and grass below. Shepard spared a glance, knowing that that would have been the location of the final battle with Saren if things had gone differently. She ran to the console and opened her omni-tool, activating the file Vigil had given her. She took control over the Citadel and opened the arms of the Citadel. 

“Go, Joker! Get the Destiny Ascension out of there!” Shepard said.

She turned back to the others to see that Thane was gone. Disappointed but not surprised, she leaned over, putting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. She could hear the sounds of the ships entering the Citadel’s arms. She only gave herself a few seconds, she knew that pretty soon pieces of Sovereign were going to come crashing through those windows and she didn’t want to be anywhere near them when it happened. She listened to the chatter of ship captains ordering fleets to attack as they made their way back down to the elevator.

When the elevator opened up on the Presidium, she saw that Wrex was slumped against the overturned Mako. He had been bandaged and treated, but was still pretty out of it. Bits and pieces of Saren lay strewn about the area but his head sat on the floor right next to Wrex. The geth that Shepard had left behind on Ilos were still streaming in through the Conduit little by little. Shepard took up station in front of Wrex and raised her gun.

Shepard felt the Citadel shake as pieces of Sovereign pelted the station. Glass and twisted bits of reaper metal rained down all over the place. Shepard and her team were lucky enough to dodge anything that fell near them. Finally, the geth stopped coming through the Conduit and the residual sounds of battle from nearby places stopped. Shepard wondered if some of those sounds had been coming from Thane, wherever he went. She slumped down against the Mako next to Wrex.

She opened her comm link, “Normandy do you read?”

“Normandy here. Cleaning up the last of the geth ships. How are things on your end, Commander?” Joker asked.

“Quiet, finally. We’ve got wounded down here, Joker. Is there any one on the Citadel you can direct to our location?” Shepard asked.

“I’ll see what I can do, ma’am,” Joker said.

“Thanks, Joker,” Shepard said.

“Normandy out,” Joker cut the connection.

An hour later an Alliance search and rescue team found their location. Anderson was with them and she had never been so happy to see his face in her life. She moved to stand up when she saw him but he waved her back down and came to her.

“You did it, Shepard. Are you alright?” Anderson asked squatting in front of her.

“A little bruised and banged up but mostly just exhausted. Wrex got hurt bad; he’s going to need special care. Liara is out in the Mako. Williams provided the basics. She said she’ll be OK but we shouldn’t move her until we’re ready to transport her to the hospital,” Shepard said. “Captain Kirrahe and his men provided invaluable support. His men are injured as well, treat them as our own. For me.”

Anderson grinned, “Sure thing, Commander. Let’s get you up.”

Anderson slid his arm under Shepard’s and helped her to her feet. Garrus moved to her side to help but Shepard waved both men off once she was on her feet again.

“I’m fine, help them,” she said.

The rescue team was already securing Liara for transport. Stretchers were being brought in for Kirrahe’s men. No one was really sure what to do about Wrex. A few men from the rescue team brought over a stretcher that was laughably too small to support the krogan. When they tried to shift him onto the stretcher he growled at them.

“Come on, Wrex, let them help you,” Shepard said.

“No,” Wrex said.

“Wrex, you’re hurt we need to get you to the hospital,” Shepard insisted.

“No. Go away Shepard. I’m trying to sleep here,” Wrex said. “You want to help get me something to eat.”

Kirrahe came to stand next to Shepard, “The krogan will be fine. If he’s asking for food, that’s a very good sign.”

Shepard chewed on her lip, “Wrex?”

“What do you want, Shepard?” he all but growled at her.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, OK?” Shepard said.

“Yeah. Bring ryncol too,” he said before dozing back off.

Shepard followed Anderson and his extraction team to a nearby portable medical tent. It was already nearly filled with wounded civilians, C-Sec officers, and a few soldiers of various species. Shepard watched as asari, salarian, and human doctors and nurses rushed about the tent assessing the wounded and treating the worst of those first. Liara was taken to one of the few empty spots on the floor. The rescue team folded down metal bars beneath the stretcher, before setting it down to act as a cot. An asari came over and began assessing Liara’s injuries. Anderson left to speak with her and she saw the asari nod in understanding before looking up to see Shepard.

A few moments later a male human doctor came over to her and scanned her, “A few bruises. Nothing is broken. No internal bleeding. You’re good, Commander Shepard.”

She didn’t bother to ask how he knew who she was, she didn’t care. She nodded her thanks to him and sent him on to help other who weren’t as lucky as she had been. She told Garrus and Tali to stay and rest even though they weren’t seriously injured either. Shepard left the tent once she was content that her people were getting help. She spotted a smaller tent pitched nearby and headed over to peek inside. As she had suspected, a buffet line had been set up to provide food and drink for everyone in the medical tent. Shepard went inside and asked one of the servers to pack her up some things for Wrex. He nodded in compliance and a few minutes later handed her several collapsible boxes filled with steaming hot food and a few bottles of water piled together in a sack.

She made her way back through the debris that was slowly being cleared away to sit down next to Wrex. She wasn’t really surprised to see Garrus walk up a minute later carrying another sack. Shepard nudged Wrex.

“Wrex. Food,” Shepard said.

The krogan grunted as he stirred. He took the proffered sack from Shepard and began digging in. Shepard accepted a box from Garrus after he settled in next to her but didn’t open it to start eating until Garrus gave her a warning look. She smiled weakly and started to eat.

“Where’s my ryncol?” Wrex asked.

“Sorry, Wrex. The food tent didn’t have any on hand. You’ll have to do with bottled water for now,” Shepard said.

Wrex grunted in response.

“That was him, wasn’t it? The drell in the Tower?” Garrus asked.

“Yeah,” Shepard said.

“He’s impressive,” Garrus said.

“He is,” she said.

Shepard was glad that Garrus let it drop with that. They ate in silence surrounded by death and gore. Eventually, Wrex started to drag himself to his feet, taking Saren’s skull with him.

“You’re, uh, you’re keeping that?” Shepard asked.

“I said I wanted his head, Shepard. I’m not letting go of it now that I have it,” Wrex said.

 _“Indoctrination?”_ Jane asked.

“Alright, Wrex,” Shepard said holding up her hands to show him she wasn’t going to argue against it. “Just be careful with it, we don’t know if that thing could still hold some juice. Don’t want another indoctrinated krogan on my hands.”

Wrex chuckled. Shepard and Garrus walked him back to the medical tent but he veered towards the food tent instead. Apparently she hadn’t brought him enough. She followed him inside to make sure there wouldn’t be any problems. She didn’t want to know what would happen if one of the servers tried to deny Wrex his fill.

An hour later and Joker called her to let her know the Normandy was docked and repairs were being made. She gathered up her team and moved them back to the ship. She even had Liara carried back to the med bay to be tended to by Dr. Chakwas. Once Liara was settled in, Shepard went to her cabin and stripped down. She knew she was a mess, soaked in blood and sweat but she was too tired to care. She collapsed on her bed and was asleep before Garrus could slide in next to her.

The next morning, Shepard received a call from the Council. They wanted to meet with her at her earliest convenience. Shepard smirked. She knew ‘earliest convenience’ really meant get your ass here now, but she took her time anyway. She showered and dressed before taking a long breakfast with her banged up crew before heading to the Council’s chambers. The Citadel was still a wreck closest to the Towers but it was getting cleaned up rather swiftly, especially with the keepers milling about dragging things away to unseen areas.

Anderson and Udina stood facing the three councilors when Shepard arrived. She walked up and took her place next to Anderson. It was rare for anyone to see the three councilors together outside of holographic projection. It was for their safety, mostly, but Shepard thought that they secretly liked the sense of mystique and power it afforded them.

“Ambassador, Captain, Commander Shepard,” Tevos began. “We have gathered here to recognize the enormous contributions of the Alliance forces in the war against Sovereign and the geth.”

“Many humans lost their lives in the battle to save the Citadel,” Valern said. “Brave and courageous soldiers who willingly gave their lives so that we, the Council, might live.”

 _“It’s… same…nothing… the fuck… take?”_ Jane said.

Shepard resisted the urge to cross her arms over her chest and settled for a cold look of disbelief.

“There is no greater sacrifice and we share your grief over the tragic loss of so many noble men and women,” Sparatus said.

“The Council also owes you a great personal debt, Commander. One we can never repay. You saved not just our lives but the lives of billions from Sovereign and the reapers,” Tevos said.

“Commander Shepard, your heroic and selfless actions serve as a symbol of everything humanity and the Alliance stand for,” said Valern.

“And though we cannot bring back those valiant soldiers who gave their lives to save ours, we can honor their memories through our actions,” Sparatus said.

“How about an apology?” Shepard finally blurted out.

“Excuse me?” Tevos said.

“You heard me. How about you honor their memories by admitting that you were wrong and that you should have listened to me sooner? Maybe then those lives could have been spared!” Shepard bit out.

“Commander Shepard, you must understand that you had no viable evidence to support your claims. There was nothing to indicate that Sovereign was anything more than a ship. Nothing to indicate that Saren was anything more than a rogue Spectre who needed to be brought in to face justice,” Sparatus said.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me?!” Shepard scoffed.

“Commander Shepard! That is enough –,” Udina started to scold her.

“Can it, Udina or so help me gods, the love tap Anderson gave you will feel like a walk in the park,” Shepard said.

Anderson cleared his throat from beside her. She knew him well enough to know that he was stifling a laugh.

“Commander, perhaps now is not the time for this?” Anderson said.

Shepard crossed her arms and shut her mouth for Anderson’s sake.

“Your anger is… understandable, Commander. It is regrettable that things worked out the way that they did. The past, however, cannot be changed,” Tevos said. “Today we want to honor humanity. We believe that humanity has shown itself to be worthy of joining the Council. As I am sure you understand, this is not a position that is earned easily nor given lightly,”

 “Councilor, on behalf of humanity and the Alliance, we thank you for this prestigious honor and humbly accept,” Udina said.

Shepard glared at Udina but bit her tongue.

“We will need a list of potential candidates to fill humanity’s seat on the Council,” said Valern.

“Given all that has happened, I am sure that your recommendation will carry a great deal of weight, Commander,” Tevos said.

“Captain Anderson,” Shepard said without hesitation.

“Him?” Udina asked. “You must be joking. Anderson prefers to let his fists do the talking.”

“Only with you, Ambassador. Only with you,” Anderson said.

Shepard smirked and she could feel Udina’s eyes on her.

“Are you sure about this, Commander?” Udina asked. “The Captain’s a soldier not a politician.”

“That’s exactly the point, Udina,” Shepard said.

“I think it’s an inspired choice. The Council would welcome him with open arms,” said Tevos. “Should he accept.”

“I’m honored, Councilor. As humanity’s representative, I’ll do everything in my power to help the Council rebuild,” said Anderson.

“Sovereigns defeat marks the beginning of a new era,” said Sparatus. “For both humanity and the Council.”

Shepard opened her omni-tool and began typing, earning disdainful looks from everyone but Anderson. She compressed the files given to her by Vigil and forwarded a copy of them to the Councilors. She heard the ping of their omni-tools simultaneously as Sparatus, Tevos, Valern, and Anderson each received a copy.

“I’ve just forwarded you each a copy of files that were retrieved from a prothean VI on Ilos. The files contain reports from the protheans themselves on the reapers, and what is to come for us if we don’t stop this from happening. I had sincerely hoped that you would all be ready to hear the truth after this attack. I guess I was wrong. Sovereign wasn’t the end, he was just the beginning. I’m going to go find a way to stop them,” Shepard turned and walked away.

 


	22. Epilogue: What Now?

**Epilogue: What Now?**

** Post Attack on the Citadel **

**Day 1:**

Liara regains consciousness while Shepard is busy speaking with the Council. Shepard is relieved to see her friend awake when she returns to the ship.

**Day 3:**

The Normandy is cleared to leave the docks once more. Shepard begins work on cleaning out geth outposts while she struggles to find a way to avoid the events of the Amada system.

Liara is given the file retrieved from Vigil. The damaged VI was unable to completely translate everything that was given to Shepard and Liara is asked to help Shepard interpret what she is able to translate.

**Day 4:**

Shepard receives a message from the Council. They are also working to translate the information provided by Vigil, but cast doubts on the veracity of the material considering the only person who witnessed Shepard retrieve said information is Liara T’soni – the daughter of a known traitor, no one knows who might have interacted with the VI prior to Shepard finding it, and there is no way to verify the data wasn’t tampered with after it was collected. They plan to send someone else to Ilos to speak with Vigil and to try to determine if the information provided by the VI is reliable. Shepard already knows that won’t work.

**Day 6:**

Garrus begins receiving back channel messages from his contacts on C-Sec. After the attack on the Citadel, they are ready to listen to what he has to say.

**Day 10:**

Shepard receives a private message from Councilor Valern asking her for a private meeting. The Normandy returns to the Citadel so that Shepard can speak with Valern while Garrus meets with his contacts.

Valern requests Shepard’s discretion about their meeting privately, he doesn’t wish for the others on the Council to know just yet. He tells Shepard that he has spent some time reviewing what he could of the prothean files and had many conversations at length with Captain Kirrahe and his men. He tells her he will send her what salarian support he can and in the meantime, will continue to attempt to convince Councilor’s Tevos and Councilor Sparatus. Shepard is pleased to see the changes in attitude and encourages him to collaborate with Anderson.

Garrus reports that several of his contacts have agreed to begin pushing for preparations for the war on the Citadel but that there really isn’t a lot else that they can do to help.

**Day 11:**

Shepard confides in Liara about Jane. She holds no noticeable doubts over what Shepard has to say. Shepard takes that as a good sign and tells Liara of the important roles she will be needed to play in upcoming events. It is a difficult conversation and seems to cause significant distress to Liara.

Liara agrees that she will go to Mars for Shepard to find the plans for the Conduit, but she will not do so until she knows that Shepard is safe and has avoided the events of the Amada system. She says that she does not wish to have to search for Shepard’s corpse, nor turn it over to Cerberus but she will do as she must should the events of the Amada system come to pass. Liara begs Shepard to not even go to the Amada system and to tell the Council to send someone else instead.

Shepard contacts Admiral Hackett to see what the Alliance is doing to prepare for the reaper invasion. Admiral Hackett assures her that he has taken her warnings seriously and is doing everything he can to convince the Alliance High Command of the impending threat. He tells her that they have increased their recruitment efforts, are patrolling Alliance space, and have begun to stock resources as much as possible. He tells her that there isn’t much else that he can do until the reapers hit.

She tells him that the collectors might soon start abducting human colonies on the edges of Alliance space and urges him to send reinforcements to their locations. He promises to do what he can. She tells him that she has reason to believe that there are plans for a weapon capable of defeating the reapers in the prothean ruins on Mars. Hackett agrees to have the research teams there start looking and to allow Liara T’soni to join the team.

**Day 12:**

Tali is returned to the Migrant Fleet with all of the geth data they were able to collect. Shepard promises to send any more that she finds to Tali. Tali vows to make her people aware of the seriousness of the reaper threat and help them to prepare to take what actions they can.

Shepard tells Garrus that she intends to make a video warning of the reaper threat and send it to the military of every known species. Garrus warns Shepard that if such a video got out it would likely incite panic in the masses, leading to an uptick in violence, hoarding, riots, and looting. Shepard tells him that she knows, but she thinks it needs to be done anyway. She tells him that the people need to be prepared to defend themselves if the Council won’t.

**Shepard’s message:**

“My name is Commander Shepard. Many of you might recognize me as the first human Spectre. I’m recording this video today in the hopes that my message won’t fall on deaf ears. As we stand today, the galaxy is facing an approaching threat that we are not yet ready to defend against. The ship that many of you saw on the Citadel – Sovereign was not geth technology, but one of many to come. Sovereign was what the protheans called a reaper, and they were responsible for the downfall of the protheans.”

“I am not telling you this to incite panic, or to cause terror – although I accept that will likely be a consequence of my doing so. I am telling you this because I think that you have the right to know. I am telling you this because the galaxy is going to need all of the help it can get.”

“If you are hearing these words and you are in a position of power, then I ask that you do what you can to prepare for what our future holds. Gather resources, gather men, train yourselves, and seek new recruits – whatever it is that you can do.”

“It is not my intention for this video to be aired to the public but I understand that is a potential outcome. If you are a civilian and you hear this, know that your military is going to need more able bodied men and women who are willing to fight for their people and for the galaxy. Make the right decision to use this knowledge to help the war effort and not hinder it, lives are at stake.”

**Day 14:**

Shepard begins receiving messages from various government officials. Some request more information, some promise support, while others dismiss her as a lunatic. Shepard is disheartened at how many there are of the last.

Wrex tells Shepard that he’s secured passage back to Tuchanka. She offers to take him there herself but he insists she stay on track clearing out the geth and rounding up support. He says he has a few stops to make along the way. Wrex tells Shepard that he’s going to toss Saren’s head into the sun of Aralakh before knocking a few heads around on Tuchanka to whip his people into shape.

**Day 20:**

Shepard’s video is leaked to the public. Wide spread panic begins. Riots begin to break out in more heavily populated areas but are quickly quelled by the authority figures that were prepared for the possibility.

The Council demands that the video be completely removed from the extranet and all methods of public access. A statement is issued by the Council denying Shepard’s claims and ensuring the public that the Council has things under control.

Shepard is publicly reprimanded and forced to recant her statements or face imprisonment. She is charged with a fine in the sum of 1,000,000 credits to aid in the repairs of damage done to the Citadel by rioters. Shepard is aware that she was let off easy, likely thanks to Anderson and Valern.

Alliance High Command has refused to send Shepard any reinforcements insisting that they are needed to stay in Alliance space to protect humanity’s interests and to prevent political backlash if they are reported to be gathering in allied territory.

**Day 21:**

All of the Council races report an alarming rise in people showing up to enlist in the military. C-Sec also reports an increase in the number of applications it has received in the last galactic standard day.

Jane expresses hope and optimism.

Valern tells Shepard that her actions with releasing the video was reckless but that it does not change the fact that he is preparing the salarians for war. He cannot, however, aid her directly without a majority vote from the Council. Tevos and Sparatus are still doubtful of the threat. Attempts to access Vigil on Ilos were fruitless, as the VI was no longer functioning.

**Day 22:**

Shepard records fail safe video messages to be delivered to everyone that was on her team including Joker. The videos are set to be automatically sent in the event that Shepard does not log into her account for 15 consecutive days. In the videos she explains to each of them about Jane, about her death, and impending resurrection at the hands of Cerberus. She begs them all to understand why she felt she needed to keep this all from them, and that she did her best to keep this from happening. In the end, either she was unable to prevent her death or she decided that the risk to the galaxy was too high if she attempted to change this part of her cycle.

She creates secondary videos for Garrus, Ashley, Liara, and Joker. In the video, she tells Garrus that she loves him and that she hopes that he can forgive her. She begs him not to let her death be the thing that destroys him. To Ashley, she pleads for understanding and promises Ashley that although it may look like she has defected to Cerberus she is only doing what must be done to save the galaxy. To Liara, Shepard apologizes for how hard all of this must be on her, but thanks her for her promise to do what must be done. To Joker, she assures him that despite the dream she had foretelling of her death in the Amada system and regardless of whatever role he may or may not have actually ended up playing, that she in no way blamed him for this and that he needed to know it was a choice she made.

Jane asks if Shepard is resigned to dying in the Amada system. Shepard assures her she hasn’t given up hope yet.

**Day 25:**

Shepard discreetly attempts to contact Cerberus, requesting a meeting with the Illusive Man. She does not know if her message was received or not.

**Day 29:**

Shepard forwards all geth related information that she has to Tali.

She has still not received a response from Cerberus.

**Day 32:**

Shepard makes one last desperate plea to the Council for them to take further action in preparing for the reaper invasion. She is warned by Councilor Sparatus that the gratitude that the Council felt after the attack on the Citadel will only allow Shepard so much more latitude and that he is beginning to agree with Ambassador Udina’s assessment that she is becoming more trouble than she is worth. The Council devolved into arguing amongst themselves as first Anderson and then Valern came to her defense. Tevos, as usual, attempted to remain neutral and diplomatic. Shepard told Joker to cut the call.

**Day 38:**

Shepard still has not received a response from Cerberus. She attempts to send another message.

Jane begins to lose hope that Shepard will find a way to bypass dying in the Amada system, and consequently spending two years of precious time being brought back by Cerberus.

**Day 45:**

Despite all efforts, Shepard has yet to devise a plan that she felt could guarantee her continued success in fighting the reaper threat and still avoid the events of the Amada system. She secures passage for all non-essential personal aboard the Normandy to the Citadel. Dr. Tulina refuses to leave unless Shepard orders her away. Shepard does not.

She has still not received a response from Cerberus.

Shepard spends the night crying into Garrus’ arms while Jane rages in her head.

**Day 46:**

Shepard sets course for the Omega nebula. It is all that remains to be cleared of geth. She plans to save the Amada system for last; still hoping that Cerberus will contact her or something else will fall into place.

 

 

 


End file.
